RolandQ

Something great happened some chapters into this story. The writing at first was hesitant, some distracting word choices. Then a wave of maturity came across the writing. The plot advanced wit a certainty and confidence. The characters filled out. And I was swept away by the story. Thank you.

A very sweet story. I liked the return to allegory in the last chapters - it nicely finishes the entire story at this point and takes it to a higher level. It also opens the opportunity for other-wordly intercession (or at least themes) in subsequent chapters. Bacchus or Priapus anyone?

Thanks for your thoughts - I like the story, too.

An entertaining 'wander' through dimensions and magic. The described worlds and characters are vivid, certainly a good basis for sequels. A nice exploration of the two sides of rivalry and attraction.

Fun interplay between the characters. There are a few odd word choices that cause me to conclude that American English is not your only language - minor issues. A larger issue is the legal ramifications of employer/employee relationships. In the US, a contract, as described, would not be binding and in fact could subject an employer to legal action and significant penalties. Not be a spoilsport - I like the story and the interplay of power - but I think you need to modify the device. A further note, some of the dialog attributed to Xavier seems immature. Another suggestion would be to have his thoughts and words be more formal, less jargon. Good job, so far, I'll keep reading. Thank you for your work.

Had the scene not be set in Canada, I would have thought you were in the same theatre as me the first time I saw Brokeback Mountain. As I sat sobbing, I overheard a woman say to her perhaps too young child for that film "Oh, he's a gay man," referring to me in a kind way. Your telling of feelings shows sensitivity and perception. I'd thank you, but I'm overwhelmed at the moment.

You're hitting many tender spots - for me, too. Sexuality, love, obligation, mores - great story.

You capture the angst of what I hope is a time gone by where being gay was the greatest shame, one born alone.

Interesting cosmology mixed with very real emotion and attachment between Jacob and Q - I too misted up on the meeting of Ant an Alessandro - nice.

I've been holding back on reviewing, as much because of my very involved and mixed feelings about Corbin - hmmm - lots of him in me, Pete, too. In college I threw a major bitch-fit over a roommate I'd been crushing on - something I didn't realize or understand until he hooked up with a girl. Who me gay? Not a chance - until... Corbin is a bully - I love him, but he's a bully. Odd to react to a fictional character so strongly, but that speaks volumes about the reality with which you paint him. I've grown tired of his antics and yet can't stop reading. Congratulations. BTW, I thought I drank a lot in college, not compared to these guys.

I love the dynamic between David and Billy - it's been along journey thus far with some chapters urging on their personal and mutual progress. Lots of room for developing David's back story - why he got into so much trouble, how is Dad came up with the Templeton's as a destination, what his relationship with old man Templeton is really about - room for a side story of old man Templeton and Murphy from domestic terrorist to small time criminals to somewhat scary romance - room for dating adventures - snow bound events - Annie Templeton's story of why in a somewhat abusive relationship, who really owns the farm,... Also, I glad we finally got to the sex, David's not the only tease... Your proofreader needs a 2% increase in accuracy - minor things that I quickly lose to the flow of the story - proof of the story's power.

We were almost back to the camp when we came upon the rescue team. Fortunately we had met with no further incident from the opposition. And Marjorie continued to respond with all her characteristic bile. Kwan was waiting by the hut. I was greeted by a smile of relief. My arms and back ached from carrying Marjorie that long distance, as small person as she was. Kwan took control, setting up the campstool in a shady spot and sitting me down. He took off my boots and socks, my shirt, pants

“President Smithson, you can clearly see the results I had promised.” Pettit gestured at the twelve men behind him. Each one an exemplar of the male form, each with testimonials from faculty as to their academic achievements, each a picture of self-confidence and grace. “In many ways, these men have exceeded any expectation. Some of which is due to the program this institution enabled, but most is due to the character of each of these men. Surely you can see that. We have an opportunity to

Cutting unnerves me. I have this thing about blood...ugh...but I feel the anguish in Billy that makes this act of self-abuse almost a reasonable response. This is an education and a torture, waiting for some kind of connection. Aggh! Love it. My own self-abuse, I guess.

I was struck by the desperation and pace of this chapter. Surely a story in itself complete.

So that's what it's like to be young and in love? Very nice and insightful

I like the pacing now. Nice rendering of lust and shyness. Keep it going.

Thank you for the review - more to come.

We were awakened by a knock on the door. Captain Bob poked his head in. We were still tangled up with each other and could barely raise our heads to see who it was. “Sorry boys, we’re about an hour from Tom’s drop off point. You’re going to have to hustle to be ready. We only have a short time before sun up and I have to have this ship out of here as quickly as I can. Jack do you want to go along in the dinghy when they drop off Tom?” Jack didn’t answer, he just took my hand in his. I le

Pettit recorded results: Tom Jorgenson, 5’10”, 160 lbs, trim, good muscle definition, 7 ½ inches Alex Lassiter, Biology, 5’9.5”, 175 lbs, improved condition, 6 inches Bill Jenkins, 5’11, 140 lbs, improved condition, same, 6.5 inches Carl Wilson, 5’8, 130 lbs, significantly improved, 4.0 inches Denis Fellows, 5’9”, 185 lbs, slightly overweight, 5 inches Edward Lee, 5’8”, 130 lbs, general condition, good and improving, 5 inches, observable increase in testicle size “You know, Mr. Phillipse,

I like the characters, though I agree they're opening up very quickly. Nicely captured self desire.

I returned to the Mike’s after midnight as instructed. Before I got out of my car, two men approached from the shadows. One was Mike. He signaled me to stay in the car and leaned into the open window. “Tom, this guy will go with you to the drop off site.” The other man got into the car. Mike reached in to shake my hand, muttered “Hell”, opened the door and all but pulled me out to embrace me and give me a kiss. He turned and went into the building and only turned to wave from the doorway.

It was dusk when we awoke, still wrapped in each other’s arms and legs. The sensation of sleeping with another person had become foreign to me, yet being with Jim was as simple and natural as any time I had been with my late wife. He opened his eyes, focused on my face, smiled and rose up to kiss me. I eagerly returned his kiss. “Tom, I have to go, as much for your safety as mine. They’ll keep searching until they find me.” I experienced a new hurt, already losing a life I had barely star

Terrorists are bent on forcing their rules of life on the entire world. A few dedicated individuals take on the battle for dignity and the right to love as one must.

We waited in shadows, in the underbrush a few yards from the clearing. The heat of the forest was oppressive, only slightly relieved by the deep shade in which we hid. We waited because we were told to wait, not knowing why or for whom. Our mission was to meet someone and escort him to the regional headquarters and make sure he arrived alive. A small part in a much larger game. As time went by, my mind wandered over the events, both personal and global, that brought me to this place. I cou