I. How I Choose the Truth With You
I won’t lie to you.
I know the hour,
how the room settles when you’re tired,
how the dark agrees with anything gentle.
So, I speak and stay—
close enough our knees almost touch,
close enough the words don’t echo.
If the truth makes your hands unsteady,
I will keep mine still beside them.
If it opens something you can’t shut,
I will sit in the open with you.
I have strength for this—
for the quiet weight of being present,
Having been through a lot with tim's journey, I've learned that's what it is. A journey with no real end. It's trying things and repeating what works. tim made the decision to try CBT after years of depression that stopped responding to talk and meds. Not that you are in that space, but I mention it as an example. Try things, keep working with your doc/therapist, try meds if necessary. You'll figure out what works.
And keep telling us how you're doing, me privately if you wish... because saying positive things is good for you.
A wonderful set of poems. I liked red ink, I know you wish you had a red pencil to edit with. And the garlic option made me laugh aloud. Just wonderful.
tim still struggles if there is too much noise, from the people around us, even though he's not worked for a few years and no longer has to worry about getting enough sleep on a work night. he talks to himself about it...says that he can deal with it and that there is nothing to be worried about. So you may never completely lose that feeling, but you will learn how to talk yourself down and deal with it without completely coming apart.
I recall, some time back, talking about our chosen lifestyle. We remarked that while our partners are submissive with us, they do not lack strength and confidence in their careers and life. you embody this, molly.
I am happy you're doing better, feeling better and stronger.
Consider yourself hugged, my girl.
M xo
It's good to see you. you know you are welcome here always. I've been told things are a little better for you. I'm glad to hear this.
I hope also that Phil is well.
I understand. I know the issue and I know what needs to be done. I was surprised I'd missed so many clues. I appreciate your thoughts on this, and you're right, breaking things down is the best way to find an answer.
Thanks again.
All the best to you. I hope you're doing well.
Thank you for your very thoughtful post. What matters to me is our lifestyle and how I can make that work for me and for tim. I will do just about anything to keep him safe and happy. he deserves my best.
So, really, I know the problem and the answer.
Thanks again.
I don't know how decent I am, but the truth has never frightened me. It was and still is my career.
But some of my choices, things that are often part of being gay and/or my lifestyle and beliefs has affected the man I love. I need to look at myself and our life. But really, when I look at it all, the only important thing is tim.
You ever ask yourself that question?
I have been, often over the past few years. Who am I? Better would who the hell do you think you are? For many reasons, at many times.
Maybe it's time to look at that honestly.
Yeah, maybe it is.