shadowgod

right track steve number 2... though think more along the lines of plurals and possession hint ' and goat....

The Answer... LASIK doesnt work for astigmatism...

Grrrr Where in the hell have all the people gone? I just had to cancel an eye appointment I had this afternoon... which pisses me off to no end, but that is besides the point. It took like an hour to cancel the damn appointment! First of all there is a stupid call-block thing on the work phone, so I have to enter a seven digit password to make a toll-free call ( 866 HELLO! ). Then the stupid "automated" system is being all sketchy. Sounds like a skipping CD. Then it wasn't recognizing entries, because its sounding all sketchy. So yeah had to call it five times to get through everything, re-entering everything every time. Why doesn't zero hand you over to an operator anymore? There is record unemployment and I have to waste time fighting with a broken machine. Bleh... Im not happy I had to cancel the appointment. My glasses are old and f**ked up, and the contacts are off I guess. I don't like wearing them at night because the vision isnt as good, as it is with my glasses. I should just go to my sister in laws place and have the exam done there. Should be about the same in the end I think. seeing as my Insurence Co thinks a $50 co-pay and a $79.99 ( and up it starts there depending on lenses used) is reasonable for an eye-exam. So yeah not too happy right now, but then again at least I won't be resting my head in that torture device that puffs air into your eyes today. Thank heavens for small miricles right? f**k that I want a big one. Steve

I got called pitiful yesterday. It was in jest but I dunno, anything for the demons to latch on to ya know? The perpetrator is a regular customer. He buys lottery and a few weeks ago we were doing that 'what would you do?' shtick. I may have mentioned that I really have no need for massive sums of money, Just enough to be comfortable and stable and Ill be just fine. He was saying that he is going to buy a Ferrari. Don't get me wrong, I love Ferrari and would love to drive one. I just can't justify spending $350,000 on one. No matter how much money I won playing the lottery. Rent one for the weekend? Sure I'd rent one for the week and have a grand time with it, but thats as far as it would go. He insists that the Ferrari is key. matter of fact he has changed his mind, instead of winning the lottery himself he now wants me to win the lottery so he can "manage" me. He i9s convinced the Ferrari is key because it will get me laid. Yes the $350,000 car is for nothing more that attracting pussy and thus enabling me to "f**k till I DIE". I dunno while the thought sounds appealing, I dunno I'd rather have people attracted to me for me, not for what I can do for them. He however swears that, that is beside the point. Its all about getting laid. then he asked how many times Ive been laid in the last year. How many girlfriends I had. If I just have one steady girlfriend. I didn't correct him. Am I a closet case? perhaps. But, who I sleep with honestly isn't up for public debate, and peoples first impression of me shouldnt be clouded by the fact I like guys more than girls. Its stupid I guess and the wrong way to approach the subject. I dunno maybe I should have told him yeah not gonna happen cause I prefer the cock. Bleh it just sucks, I know he was joking. yet he said what I have been feeling and its kinda shitty in a way. Steve

Happy Birthday Tiff, hope it is great.

It could be stereotyping it could be just using a broad brush with no malice implied. I do agree though, emotional attachment is a function of the being, and not their sexuality. Honestly Nicholas, all I could suggest is for you to back peddle, the scenario described to me says that you invested more into what is happening (happened) then he has. So yes while it is gonna suck for you to have to give him a fake smile your gonna have to do it. You knew where he stood, yet acted on a feeling he didn't share. it's not going to be fair of you to dump a boatload of expectation onto him. Sorry that's just my opinion. While yeah he may be your dream guy, he doesn't share the feeling.

T-Shirt hell was going away, that had me bummed, but now it isn't and apparently never was

Damn Kevin those two lines are hauntingly beautiful and shockingly poignant. I hope you find your sun, either internally or externally... I like it when you shine

Congrats Mark, Welcome to the club. What do you think of the complimentary car? Oh wait they discontinued that last year.... sorry bout tha' Steve

Whats Up... Class starts again next week and it looks like I'm going to end the off time with a whimper rather than a bang. That's okay though, I got a lot done over the break. Not writing wise, but I guess I sorted some personal shit out, ran into some more, and got that dealt with. Crap I still need to buy books, and update the FAFSA... :wacko: Totally out of left field... A cheap little prepaid TMobil phone was left at the station last week. No one has claimed it, or even asked about a phone being found. Yesterday I put on my little detective hat and turned it on in effort to track down the owner. Phone-book was useless as it only had numbers to refill the phone's minutes and to check balances and what not. So I moved on to text messages, see if I could call one of the numbers and tell them whoever lost their phone its here. Well that's where the story gets interesting. It was like a prepaid, mobile version of craigslist. Apparently the phones owner has a storage place a few miles away and its private and he likes to meet people there. Oh yeah his tastes do not include people who need to watch straight porn to get hard because they have issues. Honestly I agree, but that is besides the point the point is the freakin storage place! Honestly? so Im guessing it has a bed and ... crap I don't want to think about that. Who does this? other than the owner of said abandoned prepaid phone. I guess if you just have to bust a nut and nothing else will do not me though, no way! Other happenings... I have to go sign up for the GED today, the test isn't until mid april. Im nervous about it. I shouldn't be, Ive been told I'm smart. Still nervous though. When they say You're not that strong You're not that weak Its not your fault And when you climb up to your hill Up to your place I hope you're well

I dont think spam (the canned wonder meat) qualifies as ham in most regards. Sides i think the biggest ham around here is a goat.... has anyone taken a gander at forum post count totals lately? Those domaholics are going to feel so shamed! Steve

LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!! That said; However I understand why you are doing it so

I hate not being sure of something. I believe this is at the heart of my ... issues lately. That being said, I usually never act on something if there is risk involved. What can I say, I'm a big pussy in that regard. Somehow, over the last several weeks, I am no longer sure of much anything at all and its bugging the hell out of me. It started with one thing and just ballooned from there. People whose presence I took for granted are talking about moving across the country, the job I have had, and loathed for the last decade, is going away. School is alright, but I'm still not where I want to be with it... Any one of these things happening I can handle, its just the shock of all of them flooding down on me, blocking any path of retreat... To be honest it has me scared because I dont know what to do or where to turn. The end result is I have been... touchy I guess is the best word? I dunno. I feel horrible about the whole thing, I know its shit at the time Im doing it, but I still do leaving me to appologize after most likely looking like a big ass about the whole thing. It's not fair to the people I care about... So in an effort to avoid completely blowing up at people, and showing just how much of an asshole I am capable of being, I've been avoiding and ducking out on crap, which... isn't fair either. It's just, yet again I am still in the same place that I was last year, and so many before that. Time passes and I have no accomplishment, nothing new to show for it. Don't ask me why I am impatient. I dunno really. I don't know why the passage of time is so acute to me. Its just something I'm overly paranoid about. Maybe its because I'm afraid of growing old. Afraid of dying alone. So afraid that it cripples everything else I do. I stay quiet because I don't want to offend anyone, I don't initiate things because I don't want to scare them off. Yet because of these stupid irrational fears, I'll just end up bringing about my biggest fear. And that is what I am really afraid of... my fears shaping a gruff personality which in the end will leave me alone... Enough of the whole introspective self deprecating analysis its honestly counter productive anyhow Work - Don't know the outcome, but meh whatever, the owners have a history of being less then honest or forthcoming about vital info so really whats new? I'll just keep getting on till the getting is done I guess. School - Starts again in a week, I have to go buy books. Only 9 units this go round and Im kind of annoyed there. I think after this semester I'll have 29 transferable units completed. Need 30 to get a TAG (Transfer Admission Guarantee)To the University of California. So looks like a summer course or something, bleh... I want to be there now, not another three semsters from now, after the 30 to get the guarantee, you need to complete another 30 before you can transfer. long Story short its taking forever and I'm impatient remember? Writing - Dreams & Clipped Wings seems hopelessly stalled for the time being. Yet another thing that has me feeling like an ass. Thanks to everyone who nominated DnCW for a members choice award, I really wanted to get another chapter out to show my appriciation. I just can't now and that sucks. I have, however, been puttering around something else, I may be posting it soon instead. So yeah... I think that is it; just a big ole barrel of SSDD. Catch ya all on the flip side... soon Steve PS major appologies if Ive been a little... off lately, if it happens and you notice it feel free to tell me to STFU. I will comply unless certin conditions apply, then I may get nasty, but that wont happen 99.5% of the time

I hate not getting a straight answer. So there was a meeting on Wednesday, has to do with my future to some degree. You see I have been getting the mail for the business the last few days and there have been a few notices from the pay-phone company we deal with, which basically say: "Hey, we've noticed that you have opened an escrow account, please inform the new owner that we have a contract with you, and the new contract will be binding for them as well!" Okay so there is an escrow account open big deal, could be for the subway and what not. Compound that by the guy walking in and saying he needs some info for the owners on re-imaging. Now, we just got re-imaged about 18 months ago. Now this was too much so I called the office and was all "Hey this shit is going on just so you know." Boss called back and said he wanted to meet Wednesday morning at 8:30. The just of the meeting; "The place is pretty much sold. It's a sure thing, but it might fall through" What kind of no committing ass backward answer is that? If its sold say it

So, yeah entry number two, because Im mad bored like this and I found this story particularly entertaining. So my sister has (had? its hard to keep up some days) a crush on a guy that works down the way. I find him particularly Goober-ish... He even has a a shirt with sushi on it, and covets a shower curtain painted with large vestiges of the fishy entr

I'm sorry, I have been derelict in my duties as of late... Did you say pales in comparison? PALES in COMPARISON? My Dear Goat... I believe you looked directly into the flash didn't you? You're all like Spock in, in The Wrath of Khan... all suffering from radiation sickness and exposure... dying but taking forever to do it. Do us all a favor and Hurry Up

all three of those attributes can be emphatically denied with evidence and past behavior...

The bumping then would be much preferable to other methods...

Before we go there, YES I am house broken, and alright, I have been "domesticated" for awhile it was just a catchy title and sums up what I spent the weekend doing rather nicely. Perhaps I should explain... Lately I haven't had much time between work school and trying to be social on some levels. Unfortunately for my bedroom, it has taken the brunt of my procrastination. The problem only compounded it self when you add in 3 semesters worth of school papers and books. Compound all that with piles of receipts, and CD-R's (thank god for portable hard-drives!) and various other this is a good enough spot for now... and you have the disaster area that was my room. Additionally I've been all grrr for the last several days. There are a few reasons for it; Wallowing in my own stupidity, being idle for long amounts of time, and just plain chaos wherever I look. So I took matters into my own hands so to speak. I spent the weekend completely cleaning my room and washing every stitch of clothing I own, and reducing my investment in such clothing by at least half, though all told I think it was closer to 60%, I dunno i dont have the list with me. Worse yet, I still have more articles of clothing that need to be sent off to goodwill. I simply don't use them any longer so all they do is take up space. Might as well free up space and nelp someone else out right? Anyhow, I've gotten that done, next weekend I'm probably going to move the room around. I'm an odd sort I guess, Things start to feel stale after awhile so I have to switch them up. I used to move my room around at least once a year back when I was lacking any sort of gainful employment. I haven't moved my room around in 5 years. 5 YEARS! Oddly enough change helps me in some respects... Take insomnia for instance; there are nights I toss and roll and just can't get to sleep. Those nights all have to eventually do is throw a pillow down to the foot of the bed and I can finally fall asleep. Why that is, I don't know... it just is. Makes me wonder about a relationship though, but I'm not going to go into that. I think that is the weekend in recap, no grand revelations or experiences. Well maybe one realization, but... another time I guess. OH yea... the company I work for is in escrow apparently. I don't know how to feel about that. On one hand its.. great cause I don't want to work there anymore ( this change thing creeping up again, but its not total change just taking the pieces of my life and shaking them up a bit...). However, it sucks because again I was kept out of the loop and whatever. I hope the state of california doesnt run out of unemployment funds soon... Also, I swish well... except I do not think I swish. In fact, I'm pretty sure of it. So, catch yall on the flip side I guess... Steve

concentration should be the least of ones worries when measured against shrinking testicle size...

I want a cigarette.... how crazy is that 19 freakn' days and you'd think Id be done with this crap by now. Adding to this.. compulsion Ive been all scatter brained lately and acting way out of character. I'd blame the voluntary nicotine withdrawal, but yeah its been 19 days. The chemical really can't still be reeking havoc in my system can it? Anyhow, my focus has been pretty shitty and Ive been neglecting things I shouldn't. Case in point, my beta work I do for a few different people. I need to get back to it. Hell I need to get back to my own writing which has suffered the most. I think I've written like a paragraph in the last two weeks. Which is... yeah no bueno. here's to hoping this passes soon, or I fold and grab a pack of cigarettes... kinda shitty trade off though. Steve

Kudos Robert! Enjoy the history As for the steakhouse... you went a long way out of the way to go there. There is one up by the International Spy Museum. and the International Portrait Gallery.

Unfortunately.... I wonder if we can send in early nominations for 2009??

hrmm I lied go to the member profile there is a options menu to the lef. under the rating and user photo. it should be listed there. No it is not a mod or admin limited feature, if mikeL got the info its open to all of you.

membername by every post click on the name a menu drops down there is a selection for display name history