SilentandBroken

Thanks for the referral and writing this piece. I truly enjoyed it I hope to find more like this. I love long love stories like these that are realistic and relatable.

I hat a finish. I loved it. I loved how it came full circle and they help out another child in the same boat. That it was an Anderson was a very nice touch. Great story

Well you did a pretty damn good job articulating it yourself so I’ll risk an assumption that perhaps you went through some of that yourself. For that, I truly am sorry and for anyone who has to go through that affliction. Because that’s what it is. An affliction more than a burden because to me, that pain never really truly goes away. You get numb to it from time to time, but it never really leaves. But thank you for recognizing my journey. Many times I feel like Andy…undeserving of much of anything and I find myself answering that unasked question of why. It’s because I didn’t resist or fight back when I should’ve. I have to keep reminding myself how old and innocent I was..like wtf did I know about narcissistic predators at 14? In our efforts to be accepted and still be ourselves, we make concessions and let’s face it, our choices of what we decide to accept suck. In that moment, in this story, in Andy, you portray it perfectly. It’s about survival. Andy’s character is amazing. Not all of us who, if put in his position especially in the basement with that chain, would’ve survived.

You’re very welcome. Yeah unfortunately like most folks who’ve been afflicted with PTSD and C-PTSD especially where there is verbal abuse, learning not to self hate is one of the hardest things to do because it is undoing a form of brain washing. It doesn’t happen overnight and if I’m being completely honest here, even though I’ve been through 5 yrs of therapy to um..get right, I STILL need a lot of affirmation. It’s soooo easy to slip back into darkness and self hatred is the worse and most dangerous of them. I’m not gonna lie, suicide has crossed my mind many times with one attempt but that was before I got help. The biggest thing someone can do who’s living in that darkness is simply to open up to someone who they can trust who they know loves them and is a good listener. It’s very very very difficult. The chapters so far where Andy slips in a flippant comment of a little self hate to himself feels out of the blue and random, well it ‘s not. It’s always there, in the back of your mind…like a splinter you can feel. Sometimes the pain if it becomes a false positive in that pain reminding you that you’re alive. It’s a fucked up mentality I know but it is what it is.

The way Coach made eye contact with Andy as he was leaving kinda made wonder if he was gay too given the statement he made about how hot Zander was.

im not crying you’re crying

Ok. This was a huge chapter for both boys. It brought them much closer together as a couple and now we’ll really see the sparks fly between them in a good way. Zander was able to achieve what he dreamed of with his physical closeness Andy. Andy learned that same dream could actually come true. Andy is learning to trust in the truest sense of the word and learning little by little not to hate on himself so much. Great work.

As for Greg, totally immature behavior but given he got caught already proving he doesn’t make the greatest decisions, I’m not at all shocked. I think, if I’m Andy, I’m not mad at Zander either for sharing a little more of my story without my consent to the one person who had absolutely the most right to ask. My first thought to Coach’s question if Zander was gay, was does it matter? Anyone can say anything on the internet so it must be true right? As for the rest of Zander’s family, a mixed bag of reactions but a equal amount of affirmation which is what is most needed.

Yes and was wonderful

That I did 😂

I think I like Nonna. 😂

He called her mom. That did it for me.

First of all…Bravo to Garrett to get Andy an attaboy and get his permit after his legal name change. With a photo ID it will really begin to feel REAL to Andy and that, that will do sooo much for him. Secondly, the conversation between Garrett and Andy was JUST as building as the conversation between Andy and Monica. I doubt it’ll be long Andy will be calling him Dad for real too. The title for the chapter was absolutely appropriate. Many parallels here. I think that the previously mentioned steps in another comment highlighted a lot of “Departures” if you will. The name change, the permit, the building of relationships of both parents independently of each other with Andy & with Kaz as well and lastly, even Zander (absence makes the heart grow fonder after all) all are separating Andy from the life he lived and only new before. It is beautiful and charming and challenging all at once. Oh and one final comment with that steamy convo between the boys…it was

There’s a contemporary Christian song whose lyrics I find very applicable to this story, and because I think the Church is represented in this story in a positive light, I feel safe sharing it. I’m not pushing the Gospel with this, I’m simply pushing the message that there is healing possible to anyone who’s willing to stop running and tear down their walls. If it’s against the rules I apologize and won’t be offended if it’s pulled. Anyway, here it is:

It was relationship building for both of them, bringing them closer too. I think in time Andy might be able to call Monica Mom..maybe hopefully

Oops double posted 🤷🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

Ok the bedroom scene.. bravo. This whole chapter is the best written one yet. bravo to Andy for tearing down another barrier. Bravo to Zander for knowing instinctively what to do. The tracing and kissing of scars and the reaffirmation he gave Andy is precisely what he needed. I know I would’ve lost it and balled my eyes out if I were Andy, curled into a fetal position. Excellent chapter.

Ok the bedroom scene.. bravo. This whole chapter is the best written one yet. bravo to Andy for tearing down another barrier. Bravo to Zander for knowing instinctively what to do. The tracing and kissing of scars and the reaffirmation he gave Andy is precisely what he needed. I know I would’ve lost it and balled my eyes out if I were Andy, curled into a fetal position. Excellent chapter.

Ok commenting now after the rape admission with the Doc..because…whew this is hard still..because the way you’ve written that part is so accurate. I’m waiting for him to be put through EMDR therapy like I had ..well he’s kinda had the discussion part but not the wiping of the emotions from the events. But another thing that is key here is that Andy recognizes his safe place. His true safe place in Zander and THAT tells me he’s going to be fine.. I’ve been where he is. Raped repeatedly. Beat and verbally manipulated. The exhaustion post session is no lie. It takes days to process everything you talked about, usually all week. I had migraines from hell after a session. Back to reading..

The conversation with Monica in the kitchen was very productive for Andy. Eventually expect the boys to basically end up rooming together period and that will help Andy bridge his trauma .

My overall point is however although he would prefer to stay, he still seriously thinks running is still an option and abandoning Zander. That is not very healthy thinking bc running isn’t really an option, just all knows

I suspect there’s another reason why Andy wasn’t initially told in advance of those initial appointments and Monica was very skillful in skirting around it without Andy picking up on it. I think she was worried about him running like he did in Andersonville

The reveal was perfect. The horror on Zander’s face as he realized the truth of Andy’s diary..Zander did what I expected him to do and be Andy’s voice to his parents. Now he’ll be his protector and angel his school and public. This was a great chapter.

I think Andy realizes that. I think he realizes he needs Zander’s support.

OMG!! YES. Ok breathe dammit….sigh . First off, the night terror..ugh I knew they were getting worse the more stressed he was getting.. I swear they feed of emotions.. -anyway… in a pure moment of accepted weakness Andy gives in to his recognition that he no longer has to run. He can’t fight his feelings anymore for Zander and he finally gives himself what he has been needing to do from the beginning, permission. Permission to grieve. Permission to accept that it’s ok to be gay and ok to crush on such a hot guy and doesn’t have to fear his reaction to that news. All big big steps. With Zander’s support, and given how they reacted to Zander’s coming out I doubt you’ll see any difficulty with his parents either which together will help Andy face his past .