BendtedWreath

Ben's Bumblings- Entry 1/24/2025 Middles: Nuances and Distinctions Note: I am a novice level writer. Everything I say should be taken with a grain of salt or disregarded as I bumble my way around. This blog entry is dedicated to Nuances and Distinctions that I struggled with halfway into the writing of my first novel: Showing What Another Character Is Thinking While Being Limited to the Main Character’s Overall Point of View These are examples I gathered from the community when I found myself in a challenging situation in which Character A needed to gain Character B's trust gradually and I wanted to show Character B changing his mind gradually. I asked the community: Other than their actions and their words, how would YOU show what another character is thinking while being limited to the main character's overall point of view? These were the responses (you can also click on each name to visit their profiles because I found out that mentions are limited, but links are unlimited): KBois 1- you can italicize the thoughts of the character X so the readers know what he's thinking without relying on 'telling'. At the same time you have character Y pondering X's thoughts and gradually changing his perception. 2- you can have character Y hypothesize as to what he/she thinks the other person is thinking. This leaves room for further speculation on the main character's part and an internal dialogue showing the change if heart. Thirdly Though it also feels like cheating, one thing that came to mind other than what Kbois wonderfully suggested, are handwritten notes. 👀 I was a teenager once and I remember playing messenger passing notes from girls to boys, or girls to other girls, and so on. When writing from one friend to another (or anything intimate between couples), so much can be read between the lines. It's why there is a collective panic whenever someone intercepts those notes, especially anything incriminating like calling an ex a fusion of a magical girl and their scent of choice "Sailor Spice." Talo Segura Third person limited is just what it says with the label, it allows a little more freedom with the principal character because you are using he and they, rather than I, but nevertheless the reader is following only this main character's thoughts and inner feelings. The main character may speculate about a secondary character's inner thoughts, but he doesn't know what another person is really thinking. You cannot put the reader inside another character's head, only with third person omniscient where the reader sees all can you do this. Drown You are not necessarily limited to just one character's POV though. You can … head hop to another one. This is extremely dangerous territory. But without a lot of finesse, it often comes off heavy-handed. If a story constantly swaps POVs, I will stop reading. All suggestions above are good though. I like limited writing POVs, makes it more interesting to deal with such things. Focus on what your main character can see, smell, taste, hear, touch. Have them question their senses, for the reader to really get into the POV's head. Did he see that expression? It was there, wasn't it? I'm sure it was, oh god, this man was so hard to read! Exhausting. He wished Luke would just come out with it and say what's on his mind. But oh no, we had to sit here and ponder. Headstall: Dialogue and second character's actions, reactions, pauses, tics, facial expressions and the like... but definitely through dialogue for me. Just a quick example... Character 2: "Are you sure about that?" POV: "I was... ah, you don't think so?" Character 2: "Sure, sure, if that's your take." Leon nodded and smiled, but Ryan knew him well and saw right through it. POV: "Okay, well, I haven't made up my mind yet, so--" Character 2: "You do you, man," Leon said in a rush as he dropped his gaze. POV: A sigh quietly slid from Ryan's mouth. It was clear his friend thought him crazy for even considering taking Thomas back. Was he angry? It irked him to think he was, so he challenged his poorly concealed attitude. "Why do you hate him so damn much?" Character 2: Leon's eyebrows rose, and he looked sheepish, but stubborn too, and yeah, at the least, miffed about something. "I don't... hate him exactly, and it's none of my business anyway... it's not my life." POV: Yeah, he sounded defensive now, and that never went well. Ryan cooled his jets, not wanting to poke and prod. Character 2: "Listen, I gotta go. I promised my mother I would...." His voice trailed off as he turned away and started walking up his street. POV: Ryan sighed again, louder this time. Leon was definitely lying--he wasn't fine with anything--and he was going to do what he always did when things got uncomfortable. No doubt he wouldn't see him for a week. He watched his friend's hunched shoulders and hurried gait for a minute, but he never turned around once, like he would have done any other time. Annoyed at how their talk had played out, he strode away in the other direction. He was confused, but something about Leon's demeanor niggled at him. LJCC: By describing things, really. Context and subcontext are the keys to every situation. Subcontext is probably the most important part of storytelling you'd have to insert in everything you write. Without it, its like eating a sugarless cereal. The story would taste very bland. In-your-face writing is literally the opposite of fiction writing. It's like reading a news report. So to successfully hide whatever intention you have with your characters, you have to hide them in a subcontext that the readers will subtly understand. Some writers will directly hint at what the subcontext is (like in this sample), and some will hide it in their graves. This is a very short prompt I made to, hopefully (if it makes sense), give my answer to your question: SETTING: Context: William is showing his apparent 'fiance' to the guy he slept with last night. A fellow spy. Subcontext: Roger is doubting himself if William truly feels nothing about what they've shared together the night before. The CIA agent feels there's something more. He's also doubting if the fiance is his real fiance. “Well, this is my fiancé,” Damien said, smug as a cat dragging in a half-dead mouse. He turned to face Roger, his expression all polish and ice, heartless, soulless. Roger felt the contrarian demons stir inside him, their claws in his guts, pulling him toward what he shouldn’t feel, shouldn’t want—but did, and did deeply. He knew his feelings for Damien, and he knew Damien's duty. Knew, too, what he himself could give, which was less than nothing when the CIA had its iron hand on his leash. And yet, last night—goddamn it—last night had happened. He had let passion, real passion, take the wheel, knowing full well that today Damien would be boarding a plane back to London, back to MI6. Back to the interrogators, with their sharp questions and sharper eyes. If he wasn’t pitch-perfect, it would be his fault because he hadn’t said no to William last night Romantic, cold-effacing, heartless Brits. That’s what Damien was—wasn’t he? Or was he just a full-frontal asshole of an American to expect something? He wanted some version of romance, sure, but they were both intelligence officers. No room for distractions. No room for...this. And yet. Damien looked at him now, the look of someone who had already filed everything away in a locked box. Roger saw it. He saw the purple shadows pooling around his shoulders like bruises. Whatever connection they’d shared last night was gone, replaced by duty and steel. And now, as if the whole moment weren’t absurd enough, Damien was introducing him to this spineless twig of a man—this toothpick masquerading as a person—who was, apparently, William’s fiancé. The words floated, as pompous and self-satisfied as Damien’s tone. Roger swallowed down everything he couldn’t say and told himself, not for the first time, that what happened last night was for nothing. Or was it really for nothing? Because for certain, he'll be thinking of William till the end of his days. Fuck it, he thought. I have to stop his flight, was his convincing tirade in his mind. I'll blow up the plane if I have to. === Indirect Versus Direct Conflict: These are examples I gathered from the community when I found myself in a challenging situation in which I couldn't find enough examples about literary nuances/distinctions between direct and indirect conflict. I asked the community: 1. What is a writing example for direct vs. indirect conflict in terms of a disagreement between two parties? 2. What is a writing example for direct vs. indirect conflict in terms of a physical altercation between two parties? 3. What are any other types of conflicts that I didn't mention that would result in a direct vs. indirect conflict? Please write an example. These were the responses (you can also click on each name to visit their profiles because I found out that mentions are limited, but links are unlimited): KBois I literally just finished dealing with an irate resident. Direct conflict: The issue was a notice we gave him regarding items on his site that needed to be addressed. He was trying to argue with me saying that we are accusing him of not having a valid registration displayed. Our notices are basically a checklist... we place an X next to the violation and highlight when it needs to be taken care of. He could not comprehend that there was no X checked off by the registration. It was checked next to the 'remove clutter.' No matter how I tried to explain it to him he didn't get it. This is a direct conflict... both of us engaged in verbal sparring. He's lucky I didn't lean over the counter and initiate a direct physical altercation and throat punch him, especially after he started bad-mouthing my staff. I shut that down pretty quick. Thirdly 1. What is a writing example for direct vs. indirect conflict in terms of a disagreement between two parties? Direct: "Grey is the most neutrally flattering color for all shades and there's nothing you can say to make me think otherwise." "The hell ever, it's black all the way! Screw you and your grey fetish!" Indirect: "Grey is the most neutrally flattering color for all shades and there's nothing you can say to make me think otherwise." "...You do know that black is also slimming?" 2. What is a writing example for direct vs. indirect conflict in terms of a physical altercation between two parties? Direct: "This Friday afternoon. Schoolyard. No spectators." "You're on!" (the two meet and either beat the crap out of each other or make out?) Indirect: "I heard it was Chad that spread the rumors about you giving Theo a blowjob in the men's room on the second floor." "Oh fuck, Chad heard us? I hope Theo doesn't break up with me because of this!" 3. What are any other types of conflicts that I didn't mention that would result in a direct vs. indirect conflict? Please write an example. Direct: Calling someone out on the spot after being groped in a non-consensual manner. "Respect my boundaries! If I were a felon, you'd have lost your hand right then and there." Indirect: Calling someone out after the fact of being groped in a non-consensual manner. "Text: I didn't want to embarrass you in public, but I don't appreciate being touched without permission, let alone in inappropriate ways. The next time it happens, I won't hesitate to report you." Jason Rimbaud Indirect: Blake laughed and grabbed two beers from the bartender that smiled knowingly at both of them. Blake handed one to Greg and asked, “So why haven’t I seen you around?” “My house is just up the beach a ways,” Greg said as he gestured over his shoulder. “I’m on a quick, mini vacation.” “Me too,” Blake said as he led them on a path that led towards the main house. “I came here because a friend invited me.” “From where?” “LA,” Blake said with a big white smile. “That’s a long way to come for a party,” Greg said with a smirk. “Must either be a good friend or someone you want to fuck.” Blake laughed but quickly said, “A very good friend. Sleeping with her would not be ideal for either of us. And I usually don’t enjoy sleeping with girls.” “Me neither, and when I say I don’t enjoy it, I mean I never have,” Greg said as he finally spied Courtney near the house deep in conversation with a very attractive guy. Their eyes met and Greg waved. She waved back but turned her attention back to the guy next to her. “I have a friend just like that back in high school.” Blake noticed their exchange and asked, “Was that the girl you were looking for?” Greg nodded and Blake asked, “What did you say her name was?” “Courtney.” “Interesting, that’s not the name she gave me when I arrived two days ago,” Blake said conspiratorially as he reached out to stop Greg. Greg stopped and looked over at the girl some thirty yards away. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully and said, “That would explain why you didn’t know who I was referring to earlier.” “I guess not everyone here is what they appear to be,” Blake said intently as he peered at the blond girl. “I’d say be careful, but something tells me you already are.” === General thoughts: I won't call them "final" thoughts, as I am still at the very beginning of my writing journey, and I have barely scratched the surface of writing as a whole. However, I will express how grateful I am for everyone who has provided me with help and examples. I am a fairly organized person, so I wanted to compile as much as I can in a blog (for both myself and any other fellow novice writers who might come across it) before the topic thread is buried under the newer topics. This community never ceases to amaze me. I never regret reaching out for help. My sincerest thanks to all of you!

"We use it as both a projectile with handheld slingshots and to write with," Griffin explained. "The color reminded me of you–ah, of your eyes, I mean." - "Here, you could use this to either pelter someone or keep it. It's pretty like your eyes." This had me laughing so hard. At least we know Griffin feels similarly to Peter, why go through the trouble for someone you don't like? Suddenly, a blue blur dove down right into Peter from above. The attack knocked the sharp stone right out of his hand. - He could have used that to pelter that guy! Peter, what are you doing? Losing a weapon almost as soon as you got it. "Why is he such an asshole?" Peter wailed as he inspected the damage. - He unfortunately really likes you. Which is ironic, as I also am working on a story where a bully makes their crush miserable. Completely different from this one, but similar bully motive, that's for sure. "And here he caught you this time. Peter, we need a new place to meet so that I can train you to fight back. He's already aware of this area." - Good point.

"So, they really are saltwater mermen?" Peter sighed in disappointment. - Talk about star-crossed. I'm a little (alright, a lot) behind on reading. But I thought I was up to date on this one but somehow missed the second chapter being posted. I hope they figure something out, those two.

Yes, write us something! Write in my name, as I don't think I'll be able to finish what I'm working on in time to start another story for the anthology. All of my efforts are on trying to finish this one thing. 😅

Can't participate in this one, despite my story fitting the criteria. It's far too long. 🤣I am looking forward to reading entries, however!

What in the surly shrimp was Peter even thinking of a stranger? - 🤣 That's clever, surly shrimp. Despite their different dialects and accents, Peter was able to understand the basslet's song. - That makes me wonder what underwater accent differences sound like. Is it as different as Australian versus Canadian Dialects? 🤔 An interesting and colorful start!

@Headstall and @LJCC I have been taking notes this entire time. These examples help tremendously. I am hoping other beginner writers are also paying attention. Nuances and subtext are still difficult for me to portray well. Many, many thanks to everyone!!

The refusal to head hop is what made it challenging. Thanks so much for your input and for the example!

Sailor Spice doesn't sound like much of an insult to me. 🤣 But I've completely forgotten about handwritten communication (or texting and emailing). Thanks for your input!

I believe it's third person limited.

Ah, so Pepe IS Joseph! I'm glad you pointed that out. 🤣

I didn't think about pointing out Character 1's thoughts or thought progression/mental perceptions. 🤔And speculating about how we think others view us is something we subconsciously do every day. I just need to try to "transfer" that way of thinking onto the written page. Thank you so much for your input! Now, if I can only figure out what "gradual" in "Character 2's mental language" looks like in my head. 😂

Actions speak louder than words! ...but do they always? I find myself in a challenging situation in which Character 2 barely believes Character 1's actions are sincere since they were perceived incorrectly, and he believes the words coming out of Character 1's mouth even less! My goal is to show Character 2 changing his mind gradually. But that had me wondering everyone else's methods to help showcase another character while the main character is still very much the key tool through which we are measuring everything that happens. Other than their actions and their words, how would YOU show what another character is thinking while being limited to the main character's overall point of view?

Gary's writing style is as eloquent as his comments. This was a real pleasure for his first entry! I would gladly read more and more.

Juan groaned half-silently as the harsh bell on the old alarm clock rang out in his dark and spartan bedroom. - Already, this is incredibly descriptive. Before we even started the second paragraph, we can already start guessing at things, like Juan's mother being religious. What a strong start! But then a worry entered his head: was he on their lists? Had he been seen approaching that bar in the town 25 kilometres away? - I know that fear too well! "Hopefully, the next generation will give us a team of potters to be proud of.” He was to pass away still disappointed and deceived. - Oh, let him keep such useless feelings as disappointment. Everyone has different skills and talents. I'm actually glad Juan didn't have a kid, or else his grandfather would have tried to burden the child with such lofty "straightly painted pottery lines" expectations. His reverie was interrupted by a loud crash of falling pottery, by a strong, very unlady-like curse, and by the door opening to announce that Mother had arrived. - Whoa! It's hard enough for him to sell anything. Ruining his hard work is wasting money, Mom! But his thoughts were on that brief encounter with the guys from the other evening. Why? - The real question is who wouldn't prefer thinking about better moments like someone giving you a free drink at a bar and trying to talk to you? Jack sighed and headed to the kitchen to escape. Sometimes Johannes was just too much. - HA! I just realized...Juan, Joan, Jack, and Johannes all start with J...I'm just a tiny bit disappointed Pepe wasn't a Jose, Joel, or Julio to complete the set. This was a really solid read, though I wish we had more detail and longer scenes towards the end (just like how the beginning scenes were). I think this was supposed to be your prompt piece, so I understand the rush to finish. The ending of mine didn't feel as detailed, either. I'm glad Juan's free AND that he managed to expand his business, even if he hasn't fully realized it yet. The area he lives in feels a bit dangerous, though, to keep his orientation from garnering too much religious attention. Overall, I really enjoyed this. I'm looking forward to more stories from you!

Do anthology entries need to be complete works?

Having read three of this author's stories almost back-to-back, I can say for certain that I look forward to anything and everything written by @wildone from now on. As for why Ethan's underwear is in the swimming pool, you'll have to read and find out for yourself.

I couldn’t believe that Todd from the university swimming team was actually in the uni pool at this time of night or even the bigger surprise that he was talking to me. - Wait...Todd from the previous story, Todd?? If it is, I'm glad he has someone crushing on him at Uni! It's been a while coming. The second day I wear some cargo shorts with all the pockets filled with socks - 😂What a method of madness. Who would think losing a pair would end up this way? - 🤣!!

You never know what a bully struggles with until you truly get to know them. This was an excellent story that made me feel hopeful.

Jason, take Todd to the office and make sure he doesn’t bleed all over the school, and get them to call his mom or dad./Two things now had me mad as fuck. - Not Jason! Come on! Second, why the hell would I want Jason to take me to the office; it was his fault! - Right? “No way I’m going to sit in front of you and let you fantasize over my ass all year,” he sneered as he sat down./I don’t really know where this was all coming from, to tell the truth. - Maybe he has a rough home life? I was actually quite shocked. Jason wasn’t calling me the usual names and really, I had nothing to disagree with him about right now. Well, maybe the dufus comment. - Yeah, surprisingly responsible. “Mrs. Thatcher, can I call my mom and maybe she and I can take Todd to the hospital? Now that I think about it, I do feel a bit responsible.”- Atta boy! I really didn’t want to be naked with Jason in the shower. - You sure about that, buddy? I’ve seen him going to the showers after class before, and he seemed to have no issues with his body. - Good for him. As he was washing his hair, he seemed to flex and have dimples on each cheek. Mrs. Kutzner, where the fuck are you? - LMAO! 😂 Besides, a cool shower is always good after practice. - Oh he'll definitely need a cold one, that's for sure! 🤣 “See, I told you,” Jason said through a chuckle. “My mom won’t let you go until reparations are done.” - Awesome mom. “No prob man. Like I said, should have got you one sooner. But I think I have beaten you up not only physically but emotionally today,” he stated as he looked at me. - Someone's super self-aware. “I spent the night in my room and cranked up Metallica so I couldn’t hear my parents or him banging on my door wanting to talk. By the way, I hate fucking Metallica!” - Was it the betrayal of not knowing that whole time? “Not only are you going have an amazing friend, but one that will remind you every day how lucky you are to have me.” He actually had the nerve to look smug./.“Oh my god, I think I hear my dad calling me to come home.” I couldn’t resist. - 🤣 This was a good read. Sounds like Todd found himself a forever friend, even if at first, he was more like a frenemy.

The first draft was barely 1200 words. I'm relieved I was able to get anything close to the prompt at all by the time I got to this draft. Thank you!

This is one Christmas story you'll never forget. Guaranteed. Not to give too much away, the main character is an elite soldier. So, this one is not for the faint of heart.

Oh no! 🤣Soon as he pulled out that rifle, I had a feeling that his motivation wasn't to prove others wrong.

Wait, what Santa story? I wasn't part of GA last Christmas. Is it Meeting Santa?

Does Welcome Christmas count?