Trebs

WOOOT!!!!!!!!!

FIRST - as usual, THANK YOU everyone that has sent Dan or I messages - or even just sending us your thoughts. We REALLY appreciate all of the support and encouragement. Now, this is a short entry just cause I'm a bit tired but just for normal reasons (ie, YES, I am still feeling fantastic). I did get the 2nd of the "F" drug today, so just one more dose tomorrow which they are trying to schedule for the morning so I can go home in early afternoon!!! I'll also talk to the doctor tomorrow as to exactly the schedule for the coming weeks. I'll probably give an update late tomorrow after I check out and rest at home (and TOTALLY spoil the dogs - not that I ever do that usually).

Today ended up a LOT better than I thought it would. I had a little bit of... well... I think everyone that hears "chemo drug" thinks the same things... nausea, throwing up, massive hair loss. And the wikipedia entry on Cytoxan pretty much confirmed all three. I have a real problem with loss of control - so of the three, the thought of vomiting, especially before I could get to a basin, totally freaked me out. Talking to the doctor this morning REALLY helped. I know, everyone keeps on saying make sure to ask the doctor everything you need to understand what is going on - and it's so true. I started writing notes everyday of anything I'm still not sure of so the next day I can make sure to ask the doctor those new questions. Like yesterday, I thought I'd just get Cytoxan - so asked him the full exact schedule and what I was going to do was get both Cytoxan and the first (of three) dose of Fludarabine today - and both were about an hour drip each (IV). Then tomorrow and Friday I'll get a dose of Fludarabine and be able to go home on Friday when that's done! WOOT - one day sooner than I thought. Even better, I asked him about the side-effects and he told me that before they give me the doses, they give me anti-nausea medicines. And the usual level of hair loss is more extra hairs on my pillow and hair brush but as he then put it "You won't look like the kids on the St Jude commercials." So - breakfast and lunch were both great, and the nurse told me the chemo would start at 3PM. I had a great relaxing morning/early afternoon (and had a LOT of fun watching the typical mayhem my EQ2 friends brought to my last blog entry). And of course, the 3PM schedule started at 4:15 instead - heh. I made sure to have a basin near me - but of course, NO EFFECTS. Went through the Cytoxan with no problems at all. Then about 1/2 hour after that finished, they started up the Fludarabine and - NO EFFECTS!!! Now - the nurse did say sometimes a day or two after, I may get waves of nausea still (since the chemo is still in the body but the anti-nausea drugs have wore off) - but that's for down the line. And I will be careful but for now, things are good. So - overall - I've talked to a TON of people in the last few days... some multiple times. Good friends who either I need to call before they hear from someone else, or others who hear and call me... or in one case, someone who called to wish me a happy birthday and I have to do a "oh, um, by the way..." And of course tons of emails as well, which usually begin with "Hi Robert, I just heard from..." EVERYONE has been incredibly supportive. I'd been a little worried about my sick time and if I might have to file for disability - but Dan talked to my boss who told him to not worry about it, quite a few people in the office donated their sick time to me (it's something people in the office have done before when someone has been pregnant so it's happened before, but I NEVER even thought it was a possibility). When Dan told me - I got close to tearing up... I really miss getting in bed at night with Dan.... his visits are great, but sleeping alone is... a little restless. And of course, I miss our two wonderful dogs (who never disbehave despite what Dan might tease about)... BUT - I'll be home in two more nights and be able to spend the WHOLE weekend with them. We do have to make a trip to my mom's on Saturday. I haven't told her yet (my brother and sister both know) cause I need to tell and talk to her in person. She is ALWAYS hard to talk to on the phone about small things and this is no small thing. GREAT news is my brother is still coming to visit my mom this weekend as well so he'll be there on Saturday when Dan and I go down to tell her. So - one more night alone in the hospital, but otherwise feeling great and looking forward to completing the treatment.

ROFL... And Kiara - you know why Dar doesn't get off his ass around me... He's still trying to keep his cherry intact...

Coy - you know you can always see ANY part of me you want ;-) Radar, Kiara, Dar, Taea - THANK you all for your thoughts... BTW - for GA members who are wondering who let the freaks in - these are my guildmates/friends from EQ2. I actually got to meet them all even in Vegas last year - and as everyone knows, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas... 'cept I STILL gotta say, Coy is SUCH a fantastic lay... After the crying and whimpering into the pillow he was biting, I still say he enjoyed the rest of it. Viv - thank you. BTW - don't know if Steve told you, but mark down Nov 14-18 on your calendar - Dan and I are planning at being at the Park then (I have a work meeting through Sun morning, but enough time around edges and on Mon and Tues to enjoy the Park).

Maybe it's a generational thing, or perhaps because of my love of broadway shows, but when I saw this thread title, the only song that I think of is "I am what I am" from La Cage. A well performed version always starts off very slow and ends on such a note of rejection of concormity, and huge pride in oneself, NO MATTER WHAT. The whole show is very good, but this song, especially, totally resonates as a fantastic gay anthem.

Thank you EVERYONE for your thoughts and words - it is all much appreciated... Oh and Vic - don't you have some babies you need to take candy from?

So it

So... I

Fantastic news about the job James! Congrats on the contract...

It's NEVER easy.... 18, 20, 25, 30 - hell, not even at 39... BUT it is ALWAYS possible!

Pretty sure Graeme is right. And a comment about earlier - realize that though testing is better these days, it can still take up to 3 months (at least) for a test to detect HIV. In other words, if someone is infected, gets tested the next week - it shows as a false negative. If that person then says "Oh, it's ok - I just got tested and I'm negative" - they can STILL transmit the virus. Tests are better - it used to be that some strains of HIV could infect but stay hidden from tests for up to three YEARS. BUT - the bottom line - practice safe® sex everytime - not only for your sake, but for theirs... Yes, if you've been with someone say a year, and gotten tested every three months during that year, AND absolutely trust each other (cause that's what we're talking about - trusting someone else with you LIFE) - then and only then would I say that you could consider going without. But ANYTHING short of that - and ya, you could be risking getting infected or, should you BE positive but not know, you COULD infect them. I do think there is too much nonchalance regarding HIV and possible infection these days. In part - having lived through some of the worst of the crisis (ie, mid-80's to mid-90's) where yes, I did know people not only HIV+, but had too many friends and acquaintance die. Seeing less vigilance now is... almost sad. Being HIV+ is not the death sentence it used to be - and there continue to be great hopes in research.... but NOW is not the time to relax to the point of letting this disease spread even more (and it HAS spread way too much).

Who are you again?

Tell him you forgot that you had a commitment to visit two friends in Sacramento and can't help him after all... ;-)

But definately log stuff like this and tell the doctor next time you see them. They may agree something else is out of whack, or consider prescribing some other med... I personally got lucky that the first one I tried, prozac, seems to do it for me, but each person is different and knowing all of what is going on with you, they can hopefully tweak things to just help work on the moods without distracting you... <HUG>

ROFL! And ya - I'm in the middle of the sign up process - took me a bit to get a username as all my standards were taken. Now I just need the email confirmation and my account is set. Thanks James!

I have to say - those photo's you posted are INCREDIBLE... just so beautiful and interesting. I have no idea how to "digg" (my dogs do though) - but I'm kinda aware of the concept... ;-) Guess I just need to get Melody and Zoe computer accounts... "Hey Dan - the girls need their own computers!"

You have.... But don't worry - you have tons of company!

Family rumor is that one of my mom's older brothers may have been gay...

Heh - um, the amazon.com (and borders) reader IS the Kindle. Sony also has an ebook reader out there. Personally, I love using a windows mobile device - I had a Dell Axim for the longest time until it stopped working - it was my main way of reading online fiction. Now I have the AT&T Tilt - and love it as well for reading, as well as giving me a handheld GPS unit and smartphone.

Heh - for anyone who is following the new Doctor Who - I thought it was extremely funny that in the last US broadcast episode "Forest of the Dead" - Donna finds a perfect man in a dream-state that she goes into - he's tall, handsome and has such a bad stutter that he barely ever speaks... For myself - what I say now is a lot different than if I had answered the question 20 or even 10 years ago. Back then, instant attraction and sense of humor would have been the two leading traits. I dated a few... well, mental duds who just had cute faces/bodies... And it's satisfying for a bit, but not at all for long term. Now - while sense of humor and attractiveness are still up there, warmth, caring, a strong mutual respect (ie, disagree with ideas, but respect the person), strong intellect, personal responsibility, etc are more the defining characteristics... And... as today is our third anniversary, I'd so glad I got what I wanted :-)

"I'm not sure what happened between us, but I still regard you as a friend - and wanted to give you a heads-up... You may already have gotten a vibe, but the person who's trying to ingratiate themselves to you - well, I know has been bad news for other people..." At that point - if they still don't take a clue, at least you tried out of the friendship that you did have with them.

These days, "30" may be the new "20" - seriously. Everyone is living later, there is less pressure to immediately achieve. From high school, I immediately went to a university (UCSC). After 1 1/2 years, I... well, basically was asked to leave - heh. I had only passed 5 of my 9 classes in the first year (3 classes each for 3 quarters) so at the beginning of my 2nd year, my counselor basically said, I needed to pass all 3 classes, especially Core - which was an literature type class that was only offered fall semesters. Well, I passed 2 of 3 - and the administration was nice enough to say come back later when you're ready and we'll mark it down as a student initiated leave of absence (of course - if I didn't agree, it would have been just a administration-based kick anyways). My mom - well, didn't take it well. But got me to immediately enroll in community college back home. I did that (usually dropping all classes two weeks after starting each semester) and worked food service jobs. Finally, three years of that, I started admiting to myself that I was gay, that Fairfield (where I grew up and was living again) was NOT the place to be out, and that I needed to get out of there. I started getting serious about classes - took 2 1/2 years to not only finish the classes I needed but take some I didn't need just to clean up my transcript and transferred to Sac State. I got lucky in that a good friend was going through a lot of the same - minus the gay aspect. He also went from high school directly into the marines, got kicked out for a medical condition and worked food service. We both started getting serious about school again at the same time - him just to make more money (econ major), me again, to get out of town. Ironic thing - he (the straight guy) transferred to San Francisco State... We're still friends - two of the few of our group of friends that did get out of Fairfield. The important thing is not if you take the next step at 18, or 25 or 30 or even 35 - the important thing is that if that is what you want to do, you plan out and achieve it. When I finally got to Sac State - I was about 7 years older than many in my classes - a few others had also waited and so we talked at times. A common thread in those talks was "I'm going to be XX age before I ever finally graduate" and a slight despair. But the flip was "Ya, but if you don't just keep working towards it, you'll be that age and NOT have anything" - doesn't matter how long it takes, if it is something you want, just keep working towards it. Last thing - you get offers from people who know you because YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON. You are f**kING hot, you have a FANTASTIC personality, you're bright, willing to help out, SOOO very giving of yourself - do you get the picture? A WONDERFUL guy! And if that is too much for you to take - well, heh - get over yourself because you ARE that good... <hug>

Oh ya - forgot I used Trebor in The Sims Online as well...

I've gone through a lot of screen names online... Current one is easy to figure out :-) First name is Robert and sometimes when making characters for games (like SWG), I've done Trebor or some variation. Everquest2 came out, and it allows you to have multiple characters in the same world (alts) - and I went on a spree making characters named: Trebor, Trbor, Treborat, Trebite, etc... and since my guildmates knew it was me in one of my aliases, they just started calling me "Trebs" for shorthand. Heh - then the next character I made, I named Trebs and he also happens to be my highest level character... So coming here, stalking Dan (I mean - to read his stories.... ), I choose Trebs as a handle and used that since here...