Johnathan Colourfield

HAPPY DAY OF BIRTH Was great to meet you the other day

Asexuality is a lack of 'sexual' attraction to anyone. However, an asexual guy/gal can fall in love, but isn't able to provide the physical side of the relationship

It's all good to hear Good news all round I guess Have fun on your holiday

So a little update, and a freak out The thought of moving home freaks me out, on many many levels. But I look forward to it at the same time, it’s really weird. Let me give some context. So about a month ago, I booked a trip to go and see mikie again, because I had the money from my student grant, plus I’d earnt a lot at work to afford the trip. So all is good. However, I hadn’t told my mother yet. As many of you have heard, my mum can be a bit of a nightmare. She has a lot of mood swings, and many of them unexpected. I’v ebeen trying to tell her but with my nan going in and out of hospital, herself getting pneumonia and making a swift recovery it’s been difficult. So I asked my dad two weeks ago to tell her. And he didn’t. Until last night. Example of my last visit home (last weekend):, I moved some stuff back in. I put the boxes in my room, in my own space. Then just before I leave she grabs my arm and twists it and proceeds to yell at me saying that I treat our house like a hotel… Umm… I come to visit sometimes? Of course It’s like a hotel. But I don’t. I do all the chores when I’m home and I go the extra mile so that my parents don’t have to do as much (my parents are full time carers to my grandma who has early dementia, with my dad also working a full time job, it’s really hard on them). But anyway. So I go upstairs to grab my bags before I leave, and then I notice all my boxes are gone. And my bed had been moved. Now the bed I had in my room was one way for a reason, because if I had it the other way then it would be impossible to get into the cupboard where my clothes are kept. So it’s logical. And I always move it back that way when I come back home. But for some reason, she has this obsession with the bed being the other way. And then she yelled at me over that, saying its her house and its her rules. At this point, I burst and I yelled back at her. For one of the first times. I yelled back saying she treats me like I’m 12 and that I don’t have my own space and I feel claustrophobic in my own home because of the restrictions she sets. Back to the story, essentially dad told her last night and said ‘don’t text back’ and this scared me. And I woke up to two missed calls from him. Which freaks me out even more. I just get really really scared she’s gonna yell at me. I hate confrontation. I just hate doing it. I don’t understand why people can’t just be nice to each other lol I’m nice to pretty much everyone I meet lol Unless I dislike you, then you know it lol I’m just easy to read as a person LOL. So that freaked me out. So, why I don’t want to move home. It plain and simply rests with her. I don’t want to move back into a house where I feel totally uncomfortable. I mean I’m uncomfortable in my current house, but at least I have my own space, and its how I want it. Why I want to move back? I get to be closer to my immediate family and I can see more friends, more often. But I have less freedom. It’s a hard conundrum. I mean I’m moving back no matter what, it’s just hard to think about. So, another thing I needed to talk about lol Next year. I’m at a point now that I don’t know exactly what I want to do for my masters. And It’s too late now to apply for it. I had a really stressful time Jan-May with my final projects in my thesis class and theatre company class. I just didn’t have time to think about my applications. It just makes me anxious because everyone is expecting me to just do stuff and just go with it. Like for example, if I get an A in my degree, my university offers a fee scholarship to study. However, they only offer an MA by Research in Theatre. Now, I’m going to spend 3 years of my life independently researching a topic. I need something more than just one tutorial a month lol (which is what the MA by Research would be) So that closes that avenue. And the other avenue is at a school that is ridiculously expensive without any financial support. And when I spoke to students, they were very sketchy on the topic. Like they were all in huge debt. There’s a career development loan I can get, but its dangerous. Really high interest a month after graduation from the MA and it’s not a financial risk I’m willing to take. So, I need a scholarship. So, it’s a point now where I’m thinking waiting is the best option. I’m waiting on one other course which is like a bridge from BA to MA, A PG Cert in Applied Theatre for Young People and it would be great if I could get onto that. It's just perfect for what I need. Part time. A Stepping stone. Opportunity to explore other things at the same time. Low cost. So, I’m a little stuck on what to do til Sep 2015. It feels like I should just look for opportunities for a year and see what comes up. But it’s so insecure. And I hate that. I really don’t deal with insecurity very well, because I am already very insecure about myself. Maybe I need to spend this year getting to know myself, go travelling maybe… Anyone got any ideas what I can do with a gap year? It’s just a hell of a lot to deal with at the moment, with mother, stress, masters and figuring what to do for a year. It’s just difficult. It seems to me alot of people are going through a rough time at the moment. Love to everyone and may we all find the right path. JC

A fabulous short story. I remember editing it and wanting to cry my eyes out! Cassie is amazing.

YAY! Well done! It's good to know that you have a greater future with the new job

This is great to hear Matt I'm just going into graduation stuff myself and i'm freaking out because I haven't really planned anything lol

I would really not reccomend a creative writing degree because lets say you're unsucessful as a writer - you're screwed because thats the only thing you're qualified to do. I would definately reccomend a English Lit or just Literature degree with a minor in Creative Writing I did a creative writing course as part of my english lit part of my degree and also it really helped having a dual major (I double concentrated in English Lit and Drama)

You guys are totally adorable together Yours is an example I can only hope that me and Mikie can follow hehe

Let's go for St. Louis Blues xD lets see if i do okay xD

its rough working social work and nobody says thank you I'm sure you do a great job Hope you'll recover from it sooner rather than later

@Crazy Fish - Yes i very good viewpoints Thanks! I will think all this over. They tend to go for those with academic precedence. And also, yes paying for it out of pocket is a bad idea. I wouldnt be stupid lol @knotme - Yes, funding is a very good idea. I think the thing is they expect you to choose your topic there and then when applying for funding its annoying. Thanks guys given me room for thought. Anyone else is welcome to comment still John

Hiii everyone This is a blog mainly aimed at those of you that have considered, are doing or have done postgraduate/doctoral study. I'm at that point now where i've pretty much decided I want to become an academic in the field of theatre. I have a rough topic for my postgrad study and a rough idea of where I want go with it. But thats what scares me. Everything is rough. I dont know for certain. For example, I emailed the research department about 3 weeks ago and its making me anxious that they've not answered yet xD Am i just being impatient? lol Have any other postgrads felt this way before starting? I really want to do it but i'm not sure how to do it or even how to start. Funding is a huge issue for me as well. I have an appointment with the careers lady at the uni to discuss funding and the future next week and i'm hoping she'll shed some light. Okay this turned into a ramble. Any words of reassurance would help right now xD

Joann you're awesome

Having had the honour of seeing "Save Tonight" develop from first draft to final, among other stories on site, I can say that Cassie, you rightfully deserve your position as Hosted. I look forward to one day getting back to working with you I really really loved Save Tonight, it made me cry

The Merchant – Asmodeus Asmodeus is a great merchant. He works on the outskirts of Gaia Town. He doesn’t like people and he doesn’t like animals. In fact, he doesn’t really like anything living. But he knows what he knows. And what he knows keeps him out of trouble. Most merchants collect objects, weapons, gold and sell for a higher price. No. Asmodeus collects much deeper jewels. He collects secrets from anyone who will give them to him, in exchange for something. He doesn't offer his services for free, he lives comfortably and in order to do that he charges a high fee. But monetary value is nothing to him. He charges a much greater cost. It was once heard that The King approached Asmodeus for help on a critical issue of national importance. The King returned, but he never was the same again. What is it that Asmodeus does to people, that makes them so different? He is surely not to be trusted by anyone. Or is there someone that knows his secret?. He somehow has wrangled his way into the Courts of both Gaia Town and the enemy, through his keeping of secrets. His name is never mentioned by anyone for fear of losing those dear to them. He is a dangerous, volatile and unpredictable being. He is a last resort. For anyone. Even the wizards fear him. The soothsayers say even The Gods fear him. Theres a rumour, just a rumour, that he takes exactly what is most important to a person. Their memories. But who knows? It could be something much darker and much more sickening. Dare you approach Asmodeus? Hope that sparks peoples creativity

I'd be interested in writing about a mysterious salesman who deals with both sides of the upcoming war - and somehow stays on the good side of both of them

It really depends on your upbringing and your parents. You are extremely lucky to have such open minded parents My coming out story was incredibly unconventional. My mother is a contradiction in herself. 14 Year Old Me (When I wasnt even sure what I was) Mum: John. I think its time you told me. Me: Told you what? Mum: That you're gay. Me: I'm not gay. Mum: You seem really close to that boy at school... Me: MUM. I AM NOT GAY 16 Year Old Me (when i really came to terms with being gay) Me: Mum I have something to tell you Mum: What? Me: I'm gay Mum: I told you so. And my dad just didnt care about it lol he is very open minded. Although both of them are very traditional in their views, more my mum than my dad. Even though i've been in long term relationships before and i've been with my current bf for over a year she still goes 'Are you sure you're gay? I wish you weren't. You should have married Emma. (My best friend)' Can you see the contradiction LOL

Anyone that gets it looks like a douchebag in my opinion XD

This actually sounds quite fun

I agree it does sound very interesting but more details would be good

I understand that 2013 was a year from hell. I can totally gage with that My grandfather passed away this summer, which is terrible so i totally get where you are coming from But here's to a great 2014 and onwards Things will get better

one year I got a handheld telescope. It was weird at first, but its pretty awesome xD

I got a tablet, a mini slot machine (which is epic XD), many items of clothing, a 2DS (not that i'm really gonna play it, cuz i have the 3DS and that works just fine xD), moneys and Amazon Vouchers

Thanks everyone! The advice has really helped Cia - You are right, i saw some friends from school yesterday and felt like they were the people I should be friends with and I shouldnt bother with the fidiots. I'm gonna sit down and sort out my goals etc. after the holimidays Kitt - Thanks Yeah i just need to learn flexibility lol Zombie - True I live under her roof so I have to be flexible to her i guess Oh yeah i'm a changed person definately I will learn to like myself hehe Westie - You are so right. We get on much better when we don't live together lol I'm hoping that when I graduate i'll probably move back home for a couple of months til I get everything sorted/everything is figured out then figure from there what I need to do So hopefully i'll be in my own place by September (if i have a job, if i dont have a job and I stay on for my Research Masters i'll stay at home and commute to the office [university is a 30 minute drive from home] or something lol) I need to figure my s*** out over the next few months. I have two sort of plans but they both depend on other peoples decisions and my grades at uni. I need to come up with contingencies lol The idea of everything at once being a mistake is a very good point - love the salami analogy lol haha oh yeah i stll wear it xD it's my favourite damn scarf lol (I only have two lol) Thanks everyone You're amazing