Second Shot - 36. Chapter 36: Clearing The Air

No longer plagued by nightmares, Jason still found it hard to sleep. Desire for tomorrow to arrive, so he could see Peter again, replaced his worry and fear. When it was clear he was too excited to sleep he opened a text book, hoping that would help put him to sleep. Shortly after midnight, his body finally conceded.

 

Peter was watching TV when he arrived in the morning. Or better said, the TV was on, while he slept. Unlike the last four days, seeing Peter lying silent made him smile. This time, he knew the perfect way to wake him.

 

Bending, he gently kissed Peter on the forehead. Slowly, Peter’s eyes opened and he turned toward Jason.

 

“Morning, Pete.” After the nightmare of the last few days, he wanted to jump onto the bed. Only Peter’s injuries held him back. He might be awake, but he wasn’t healed by any stretch.

 

“Hey, Jase, I like being woken up like that.” Peter’s smile brought a bigger one to Jason’s face.

 

Leaning in, Jason pressed his lips to Peter’s. He ran his tongue along the inside of Peter lower lip, eliciting a soft moan from his boyfriend. Reluctantly he stood up, afraid he would do something to hurt Peter if they continued.

 

“That’s good, because I like waking you up this way.”

 

“Wish you could’ve stayed last night, I missed having you next to me.” Peter turned off the TV.

 

“Soon,” he promised. “Then I can do more than hold your hand and give you short kisses.”

 

“Really? What else do you have planned?” Peter raised both eyebrows several times. Jason turned red. “Aw, you’re blushing. You’re so cute when you do that.”

 

“I just meant, I could hug you and fall asleep in your arms, but your ideas sound more fun.” He kissed Peter again before sitting.

 

For several minutes, they sat quietly together. Jason rubbed Peter’s free hand, thinking he looked much better already. The swelling in his face was nearly gone, but the ‘raccoon eyes’ remained, reminding him they broke Peter’s nose during the attack. Reaching out, Jason gently stroked Peter’s face, avoiding the black skin around the eyes.

 

“I still can’t believe your mom.” Peter pressed back against his pillows.

 

“No shit,” Jason agreed. He didn’t want to repeat too much of the conversation their moms had. There was no point in telling Peter how worried his mom was he might die. “Thank your mom, she did it.”

 

“Mom says your mother is coming this week to visit and is staying at our house.” Peter shook his head. “I never expected that.”

 

Jason nodded. “Surprised me too. All I care about is that she’s off those stupid ex-gay classes.”

 

Peter’s face turned serious. “Last night, after you left I was thinking about what happened Wednesday night.”

 

Jason’s heart stopped for a beat. “What about, Pete?”

 

“I know you blame yourself, but I was just as bad.”

 

His small panic attack over, Jason tried to sneak in a deep breath, if Peter wasn’t mad, he didn’t want him to know how nervous the whole situation made him. “Didn’t we agree to pretend the night never happened?”

 

“Yeah, but I want to apologize for my half.” Peter softly squeezed Jason’s hand.

 

Still apprehensive, Jason gently squeezed back. “Pete, do we really need to talk about it? You don’t know how much I want to take back the whole thing.”

 

“I need to talk about it, just this once,” Peter told him. “If I don’t get it out, it’ll kill me. You know how I am.”

 

What Peter could joke about, Jason could not. He already felt he almost got Peter killed. “Ok, we can talk about it, but then I get to say my piece when you’re done.”

 

“Fair enough.” Peter smiled and gave him a weak nod. “Okay, where to start.”

 

Taking a deep breath Peter held it for a second, as if looking for a moment of clarity. “I know you blame yourself for what happened, but we were both wrong. If I agree with you that you should’ve said no to your mom, then you need to agree that I shouldn’t have said some of those things.”

 

“Pete . . .”

 

“Hey, this is my speech.” Peter tried to reach across with his left hand, the cast prevented him from moving it freely. Looking slightly frustrated, he still smiled at Jason. “You already spoiled one, let me get this one out.”

 

Seeing Peter struggle with his injuries robbed Jason of his voice. Swallowing, he nodded for Peter to continue.

 

“I knew you were under pressure from your mom. That you were really struggling with her, your family, everything. What you needed was for me to help you through it, instead I wanted you to just move past it so we could get on with our lives.

 

“When I came out it was a bit like you, someone forced it into the open. Difference was I got to tell my mom and sister on my terms, unlike you, where Jordan told your family. Erin was great, she helped me come to accept myself as I am. You didn’t have an Erin.”

 

“I had you.” Jason brought Peter’s good hand up to his lips.

 

“It’s not the same,” Peter said. “Because I love you and want to be with you, I’m not objective; a fact made clear Wednesday. What you needed was someone to help you find your way, the way you were most comfortable with. Instead, I tried to force you down the road I wanted you to take.”

 

Listening to his boyfriend speak, all Jason could think was this was not Peter’s fault. “That’s where I wanted to be, with you. I was just too afraid to accept it.”

 

“Maybe it was what you wanted, but it wasn’t right for me to push you there.”

 

“Maybe?” Jason cut in. “There is no maybe, it iswhat I want.”

 

“It would be easier if you just let me get it out. You are punching too many holes in my great speech.” Peter flashed Jason a mischievous grin that proved infectious.

 

“Smile like that at me, and I’ll do whatever you want.”

 

“Anything?” Peter leered at him suggestively. “No, let’s not go there, at least not right now. What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry I was so selfish. You needed me to help you deal with your family, but I tried to get you to do what I wanted. Maybe if I had been a better friend, instead of your boyfriend, it might have been different.

 

“But I was mad at you, because I felt I was losing you. Those things I said, some of them may have been true, but I didn’t say them right. Had I tried, even a little, to help you think through what you were doing, we probably would have worked this out.

 

“If you were afraid to oppose your mom, I was afraid you might reject me after going to those classes. So rather than help, I got mad. If you were going hurt me, I wanted to hurt you back. Not very nice of me, I know.”

 

“Pete, you were right to be mad,” Jason slipped in.

 

“Not really.” Peter shook his head. “Getting nasty isn’t an expression of love. Worse, it showed how little faith I had in you and in us. I’m ashamed of that most of all. When Jordan was insulting me, you stepped up and put me before yourself. When you needed me to do the same, I didn’t.”

 

Peter looked up at the ceiling, sniffed once then turned back. “Anyway, what I wanted to say is if you can forgive that and give me a second chance, I will try not to blow it again.”

 

At first, Jason didn’t know what to say. Did Peter really think he failed him? After all the things Peter did, to help him come out and finally be truly happy, it broke his heart to think Peter felt like this.

 

“God, there are so many things I want to say.” His voice cracked, forcing him to clear his throat. “There’s nothing to forgive, Pete, it was a bad situation. We both handled it wrong, I guess. I know if I say I was more wrong than you, you’ll say the opposite, so I’ll leave it that we both made mistakes.

 

“But Pete, you’ve always been there for me, helping me, supporting me. I should have been stronger and said, ‘no’ from the start. I owed you that much for all you the times you were there for me.

 

“Almost losing you made me realize what’s important. They weren’t sure you were going to make it when you came to the hospital. Don’t know if they told you that.”

 

Peter nodded. “Mom told me.”

 

“At that moment, nothing mattered except you getting better. I wish it didn’t take something so extreme for me to recognize what was important.”

 

“Well don’t expect me to help you out like this again.” Peter’s joke made Jason laugh.

 

“No fair, you keep breaking my train of thought,” Jason complained. “Seriously, my biggest problem is I’m not very good at being on my own. I’ve never had to do without, never struggled. I’m not as strong as you, Pete, not as independent.

 

“That’s not a good excuse, just an explanation. It’s why you were right, even though you say you weren’t. When you went looking for me, I was on my way to your place to tell you I wasn’t going to the classes. I sat on the steps in your hallway for a couple hours waiting for you to come home, so I could tell you.”

 

Jason trailed off, not wanting to talk about why Peter wasn’t there. He gave Peter a moment to sigh or something, but Peter lay there, staring at him with a sad expression.

 

“Anyway, I guess I’m not very good at being your boyfriend.”

 

Peter opened his eyes wide, smiling, but not speaking.

 

“Damn, you must be in a mood.” Jason laughed.

 

“You lie here all day and see what your mood is like.”

 

“Ok, I’ll make it up to you when you’re out of here.” Jason winked at him.

 

“When I’m out of here? I wasn’t planning to wait that long. Have you seen the size of my shower?” Peter raised his eye brows twice and gave him a wicked grin.

 

Jason could feel his face turning red. “You can’t be serious.”

 

“Half serious?”

 

“First thing when you get out.” Jason needed to stop this conversation before he couldn’t stand up. “Best I’ll promise.”

 

“Done.” Peter nodded. “I won’t forget, you know.”

 

“Trust me, you won’t need to remind me.” He put his head down on Peter’s pillow, their foreheads touching. If it weren’t for class, Jason would have been happy to lie there all day. “Pete, I’m sorry I ruined Wednesday night.”

 

“We don’t need to go there again.” Peter kissed the tip of Jason’s nose, all he could reach without moving his body.

 

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Jason shifted, so Peter could reach his lips. “All the trouble you went to, renting the movies, getting the futon ready, you even bought me Dorittos, I kinda ruined what was supposed to be a romantic evening.”

 

“It was a struggle to buy junk food, even for you.” Peter laughed.

 

“I owe you big time for messing that up.” Lying as he was, he could see Peter smiling.

 

“We can do it again when I get home.”

 

“Not exactly.” Jason sat up. “I took the movies back when Dean and I went over to your place to make sure everything was okay.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Hope you’re not mad we went into your place.”

 

“No, probably better you took ’em back, since I’m not sure when they are going to let me go. How much do I owe you for that?”

 

“Nothing, the store wouldn’t take my money.” Jason shrugged. “Because I wasn’t you, the clerk called the manager. Is he the owner? Anyway, when he saw I was bringing back your videos he told me not to worry about it and thanked me for doing it for you.”

 

“Mr. Johnson went to school with my mom,” Peter explained. “Half the time, he doesn’t charge me. Says I’m a poor college kid and he understands.”

 

“He was real nice to me,” Jason added. “Oh yeah, I forgot, we took your bike to the Dojo. Mister Lee locked it in his garage. I was afraid someone might try to swipe it since everyone knew you were here.”

 

“Thanks, Jase, that was good thinking.” Waving the cast on his left arm, he added, “Might be some time before I can use it again.”

 

Jason rubbed Peter’s head gently. “When you’re better, you need to teach me to ride better. We had to get Mister Lee to bring his van over, since I didn’t feel good enough to ride on my own.”

 

“What about soccer?”

 

“Just need to be sure I don’t crash,” he repeated the line he used the first night they kissed. They both laughed.

 

“We should wait until soccer season’s over, just in case.” Jason leaned over, giving Peter a real kiss.

 

Peter smirked. “God, I missed that.”

 

“Me too, but it does bad things to me when I need to go to class.” He looked down before adjusting himself.

 

Peter slid Jason’s hand down toward his crotch. “It does good things to me.”

 

Jason debated leaving his hand where Peter put it, but finally pulled it back. “When you get out of here, we can do whatever you want.”

 

“Whatever I want, eh?”

 

Sitting back, Jason laughed. “You are in some mood.”

 

“Tell me I’m not always like this?”

 

“Fair enough, but we both know I’m the shy one.”

 

“Hmm, I recall a few times when you weren’t so shy,” Peter joked.

 

Jason hoped no one came in, because both of them would have been embarrassed by their state of arousal. On the other hand, Peter’s mood was a good indication he was feeling better.

 

“Pete,” Jason warned, “your mom or sister might walk in at any moment.”

 

“You’re right, but it sucks lying around with nothing to do.”

 

“Frustrating both of us isn’t going to make it suck less,” Jason pointed out.

 

“How long can you stay?”

 

Jason checked the time. “I have to go in about thirty minutes. I have class and then practice, so I won’t be back until dinner time.”

 

“Oh.” Peter’s disappointment was easy to see.

 

“At least you get to meet my mom soon.” Jason wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.

 

Peter echoed Jason’s thoughts. “Is that good or bad?”

 

“You need to tell me when it’s over.” Jason shrugged. “Other than her problem with a gay son, my mom is really pretty nice.”

 

“I’ll try to keep an open mind, but after what I saw her put you through, I have this image of Medusa, with snakes trying to bite both of us if we come near each other.” Peter used his hand to bite Jason on the arm.

 

Jason laughed at the image. He needed to tell Darryl about this new nickname. “Try to be nice. Things look like they’re getting better, don’t make it worse.”

 

Peter rolled his eyes. “C’mon Jase, would I really trash your mom? Especially if my mom is here.”

 

“Fine, just being careful. We’ve both said some hateful things about her the last few months.”

 

Jason took Peter’s silence as agreement with his assessment. He put his head back on the pillow. “Does this bother you when I lie here?”

 

“No, I like it.” Peter used his good hand to rub Jason’s head. “It’s as close as we can get, until I leave here.”

 

Content, Jason listened to Peter’s breathing, watching his chest rise and fall. Peter kept rubbing his head, as Jason’s mind wondered to class, soccer, his mom, when Peter would get out of the hospital, and what would happened next.

 

A knock at the door caused them both to jump.

 

“Easy guys,” Detective Belle told them. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

 

Jason stood up. “Hello, Detective Belle.”

 

“You know him?” Peter asked.

 

“Yeah, he interviewed me the day after you were attacked . . . .” Jason cursed himself for using the word attacked.

 

“Hello, Peter, I’m Detective Joshua Belle.”

 

Peter gave him the barest of waves with his left hand. “Hi.”

 

“If you’re feeling up to it, I need to speak to you about what happened.” The detective stood at the foot of the bed rather than take the seat on the other side.

 

“Can you come back later?” Peter asked. “Jason and I only have a little time before he has to go to class.”

 

“Later isn’t really good for me, I have a lot to do. I really need to do it now if you’re up to it.”

 

“I’m kind of tired right now, Detective, I would rather talk another time.”

 

“Pete, talk to him. He’s straight up,” Jason told him. “This is important. I’ll be back after practice.”

 

“Actually, Jason,” Belle said, “I need to speak to you again, too.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Chief told me something happened at the billiards hall.”

 

Fuck, Jason thought. He deliberately didn’t tell Peter what happened in case it upset him.

 

Peter swung his gaze from the detective to Jason. “What happened at Big Stick?”

 

“Some of Jordan’s frat brothers gave me some shit about the six who got locked up.” He hoped the bare bones explanation was enough. Damn it, why did he have to bring that up now?

 

“That’s it?” Peter didn't seem convinced, looking at him skeptically.

 

“It almost came to a fight, but some people who were there stood up for me.”

 

“Jason,” Detective Belle interrupted. “Can we talk about this in private?”

 

“No sir, not today,” he said as politely as he could. “I have class in a few minutes, and I already told the Chief I don’t want to press charges.”

 

“If you won’t speak to me, I can get a subpoena and make you speak to the grand jury.”

 

“I don’t mind speaking to you, just not right now. I have to leave for class in ten minutes.” Jason knew he didn’t have to do it right now and wasn’t going to be forced into it.

 

“When will you be free?”

 

“I have class til twelve, then another at one, soccer practice from three-thirty to five-thirty.” Jason rattled off his schedule. “I can do it during lunch or after my last class.”

 

“You don’t have a problem letting everyone see you talk to me on campus?”

 

He shrugged, making a face. “My face was all over TV. At this point, I don’t have a problem if people know I’m talking to you, detective.”

 

“Let’s say twelve at the student union building.” Belle started to write something down in his ever present notebook.

 

Jason thought about the time and place. “Make it 12:05. Might take me a few minutes to get there.”

 

“Fine.” He scribbled something else in his book. “Call me if you’re going to be late.”

 

“I will.”

 

“Detective?” Peter tried to get the man’s attention. “Give us five minutes alone, then I’ll talk to you.”

 

“You two drive a hard bargain,” he joked. “No problem, I’ll go grab a drink. Sorry to press you both, but we have time constraints.”

 

They both nodded, waiting for him to leave. Taking a hint, the detective left. As soon as he was out of the room, Jason sat down, lowering his head next to Peter’s.

 

“Wish you didn’t have to go.” Peter stroked Jason’s head.

 

“Me too, but if I skip classes without a reason the coach will bench me.” Jason wasn’t sure if the coach would give him a pass to visit Peter. Before he missed a class, he wanted to find out.

 

“I know, I’m not trying to talk you into staying, I’m just feeling sorry for myself.”

 

Hearing Peter so sad almost made him say, ‘screw class,’ but with Detective Belle coming to interview Peter, they weren’t going to be alone anyway. “Not that this is going to make you feel much better, but did you want me to get your class work for you?”

 

“No, Mom took care of that already,” Peter told him. “The Dean’s going to have my teachers give him my assignments, then she’ll get them all from him. But you could get my laptop and books for me. We could study together when you’re here.”

 

Not exactly the night Jason envisioned, but at least they could do something together. “Sure thing, Pete, I’ll get it on my way over tonight.”

 

Jason sat up. “I really need to get going, or I won’t make it. Would suck to be marked absent when I tried to get there.”

 

Jason kissed him for a while, not caring of the effects. When he finally had to go, he gave Peter one last kiss.

 

“See you soon, Pete. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Jason. I’m really glad we’re good again.” In spite of his injuries, Peter looked happy.

 

“Me too.” He passed the detective as he rushed to be on time.

 

“Twelve noon, Tellerman,” Detective Belle called after him.

 

“12:05 sir,” Jason corrected.