Shadow of my Father - 16. Chapter 16

(BERNICE’S POINT OF VIEW)

With Josh out of town for the next couple of days, I am pretty bored. I normally hang with him at his house when we aren’t in school. It is getting closer to the holidays, and that means no school. I really hope Josh is here during that time. If he isn’t, I am going to pull my hair out.

I decided on Saturday top go down and speak with Chris for the first time since he and Josh broke up. Josh asked me not to get involved, but I still see the hurt in his eyes. Chris really hurt him by leaving without telling him why.

When I knocked on the door of Chris’s house, Coach Montoya answered. He looked at me and smiled. Before I could say a word he invited me in.

“Bernice I have been waiting for your visit. I am surprised it has taken you this long for you to come over. To tell you the truth I wish you had come down a lot sooner than this. Chris is hurting as much as Josh is. He thinks he is masking the hurt, but we see it.”

“Coach, please excuse my bluntness. Chris is the one that decided to walk away without saying a word to the one that stood by him. I know you shouldn’t expect anything in return when you stand by someone when they are in a bad time in their life, but come on Coach, not a word as to why?”

Coach just looked down to the floor and then over to the entrance. At first I thought it was Chris coming in, but it wasn’t. Coach’s wife joined me and the coach in the living room. She greeted me as she sat next to her husband.

“Bernice everything you just said is correct. Chris should have said something to Josh. Anything is better then nothing. I can’t answer that question except you will need top talk with Chris about that.

Just promise me when you go to Chris’s room you won’t beat up on him. He is hurting and knows he made a major mistake. Just like any teenager, he doesn’t know how to fix it. Is there a chance that he can mend fences with Josh?”

“To tell you the truth Coach; no! Chris left Josh all alone when he needed him the most. When it seemed the whole world was falling apart for Josh, Chris wasn’t there for Josh to lean on. Do you know how hard it was for me and the others to get Josh not only through the hurt Elizabeth did to him at school, but also the hurt of Chris leaving him at that time. To top it all off he did it without even giving a reason why.”

“I agree with you Bernice and I am not going to make excuses for neither of the boys. I just hope these guys can work things out. Chris will be going back to El Paso High next week. I hope he has friends to go back to.”

“Why now is he going back to El Paso High? Why not just keep him where he is right now? Give Chris a chance to begin anew. It might be better than going back to a school he himself burnt the bridges to the friends he had.”

Coach’s face dropped when I said that. At the same time he tightens his hold on his wife’s hand. I thought I might have gotten him angry, but the look n his face isn’t anger. It is more of a look of being scared for Chris.

“I hear everything you are saying Bernice. We can’t afford to be taking Chris back and forth to the other school. We needed to enroll him into the Ysleta District because that is where my brother lives. It is just too hard to take him and bring him back.”

With that Coach Montoya got up and took me to Chris’s room. He knocked on his door before opening it. Coach let me in and he left me alone with Chris. As I walked in, it looked like Chris was drawing something.

“Hey Chris I have been meaning to get over here to see how you are. You had us worried for a while when you disappeared. Then we heard Coach Montoya transferred you to Eastwood High School.”

Chris didn’t say a word to me. In fact he kept drawing whatever he was drawing when I walked in. That is when I figured Chris isn’t going to talk with me. To him I am the enemy. He and Josh are no longer an item, and I am still friends with Josh.

“Well Chris I can see you don’t want me here. I will leave. I just wanted to see that you are doing ok. Coach told me you will be returning to El Paso High next week. You have nothing to worry from us. We will not speak ill of you or to you. We honestly wish you the best and hope you meet someone new. I hope you a new group of friends that is as close as our group is. Again I hope you do well!”

Even as I walked out, Chris didn’t look up from his desk. I knew right then and there Chris isn’t going to be part of our group when he returns. We will see him around, but that’s all. It will be nothing like before when he and Josh were together.

On my way home I kept kicking myself in the butt. I told the Coach what I wanted to tell Chris. I really wanted an answer in why he did what he did. I didn’t get that from him. Instead I left Chris disliking him even more.

Why can’t Chris just say why he did what he did? He not only lost a good guy in Josh, but he lost a good circle of friends in us. When he returns he is going to have a hard time adjusting back at school. None of us is going to console him without him telling Josh why he did what he did. As things stand now, there is no way they are going to become at least friends.

(JOSHUA’S POINT OF VIEW)

Every eye in the hanger is looking at me on the stage. I still can’t believe that not only there is a reporter asking the questions in the fashion in which he is but my mother came out of nowhere to make matters worse.

She stormed the hanger like our troops stormed the beaches of Normandy not allowing one soul to stop her from her mission. With the guard’s right behind her, she pushed her way through the reporters. She has so much hate and anger in her eyes and voice!

When the guards finally got through the crowd of reporters and caught up to my mother, it was too late. The question had been asked and she got her two cents in. Nothing they do now is going to get her to move from where she is standing.

Even the reporters that were talking with Carlos and Daniel made their way to Brandon and me. What surprised me the most is Daniel and Carlos. They joined Brandon and me on the stage. They actually stood there beside me as I started to get attacked by questions.

Our mother turned to the reporters, still out of breath and spoke.

“Ask my son why he is the why he is. It isn’t the up bringing I can tell you that. So Joshua answers the reporter’s questions. Tell them how dirty you are as a person. How you made the decision to be what you are; gay!”

The guards started to pull my mother away when I stopped them. There is no way I am going to let her walk out of here as the victim. She will stand here and hear my answer even if the guards have to tie her to the stage.

“No, let her stay and hear the answers. That is why we are here, to answer questions; right? We can’t choose what questions to answer and what question not to answer. I will answer any question on my life. I will answer any question about my standing on issues. But I will not answer questions on what my father might think or do. He is a great man and deserves to be this State’s next Governor.

We here are standing testimony to that fact. He does everything for his family. It takes a lot for him to say enough is enough. He wasn’t going to stand by allow the mother of his children to mistreat them; mistreat them for something that is no fault of their own.”

I looked around the hanger seeing that all eyes are on me. My mother being held back by the guards that chased her down! And then my father walking in and making his way to the little stage where my brothers and I are standing. Just as he walked on the stage, he walked up to me and put his arms around my shoulders.

With a dry throat and my body shaking, I started to answer the question of the reporter and my mother.

“So mom and you Sir, that asked the questions, here is an answer from my heart. I never chose to be gay. No one that walks on this earth just wakes up one morning and chooses to be gay. Who wants this kind of life? Who chooses to risk being hated by all your friends, family and community? No one chooses that, trust me!

You’re right mom. We have been brought with the right values and beliefs that you and dad tried to instill in us. You taught us right from wrong. You taught us when someone is suffering, try to help that person, not push them further down. You guys instilled in us as we grew to be individuals, not to just do things because the others are doing it. You and our father instilled in as to be truthful, honest, and be there when another needs a shoulder to lean on. You taught us a lot more than that; you taught us LOVE!

Mom, I never choose to be gay. I never wanted you to hate me like you do. I never wanted kids at my school to walk on the other side of the hallway and refuse to be on the same swim team with me. I never wanted to fear to beaten up any moment of the day because I am gay, or to be an outcast in my community. No mom, I never chose that to be my life.”

Tears started to roll down my cheek as I spoke. My voice really started to break as I spoke. But I needed to get this out once and for all. That is the only way I can walk away with my head held high.

“Instead of outing your son and treating him less then scum, try to support him during the worst time in his life. Every kid that has walked in my shoes and that will walk in my shoes in the future needs to be supported by friends and family. They need the support from their community and classmates. Too many get shunned and they think the only way out is by killing themselves. No one loves them for a supposed choice that is totally out of their hands.

We need to be loved just the same no matter what we come to be. I love you still mom. You will always be my mother no matter what you think of me. But right now I need family and friends around me that will support me. Like my father, brothers and friends back home in El Paso.

I really hope I have answered your questions you asked, Sir. I’m sorry I didn’t get your name.”

Everyone in the entire hanger just stood there in silence. My father guided me and my brothers off the stage. As he walked by the guards holding my mother, he asked them to let her go. She doesn’t deserve to go to jail.

My father went out and did his speech and as before, we left right afterward. For the rest of the weekend all that flashed in the news was me talking to the press. How I handled myself and answered the questions directly and truthfully.

As we headed into Monday, my father’s lead over the incumbent Governor jumped another three points. I thought I hurt his lead, but instead he got a small bump. He really didn’t need a bump, because he already is winning this election in double digits.

Monday wasn’t any different than the weekend. We stopped in four more cities before heading back home to El Paso. Everywhere we went, the crowds were huge. Not just a few thousand, but tens of thousands. I couldn’t help but keep thinking that is all a dream.

As we approached the El Paso International Airport, I could see the crowd that had gathered to meet my father as he returned. At first they looked like little ants walking around down below. Once the plane circled around, landed and then came to a complete stop I looked out and saw the crowd wasn’t a crowd, but once again tens of thousands.

My father gave his final speech of the campaign where it all started several months ago. He said that in his closing.

“I end my campaign where I started several months ago here, back home in El Paso Texas. No matter what happens tomorrow, win or loose. We will wait and see if the voters of Texas want me to be their next Governor. Please don’t stay home tomorrow, go out and vote. I need your vote I want your vote.”

The long trip is finally over. I will be sleeping in my own bed tonight. Not in a seat on the plane flying around the state of Texas. I really don’t know how my father did this week in and week out for the last several months.

The next day we didn’t have to go to school. My father called in for us in order to rest. In fact the school asked if we are going to miss Wednesday as well since it is going to be a late night. We might not get enough sleep for the next day of school. My father with hesitation agreed with the school attendance office.

I have never been through a boring day like I am going through right now. We went with our father in the morning to vote. He answered a few questions as he went in and as he came out but other than that, the day has been a big bore. It was so boring Daniel and Carlos joined me and Brandon in a game of touch football in the back yard!

(ERIC’S POINT OF VIEW)

All day Monday and again here on Tuesday everyone asked for Josh. These guys wouldn’t speak to Josh if the school is burning down. Now they want to speak with him because his father is going to be the next Governor of Texas. I better wait and see what the voters do today before counting my chickens and saying Josh’s dad has won.

As usual, I joined Bernice and the guys at the table for breakfast. It isn’t the same without Josh there. He is the one that keeps us talking and joking around. He is like the glue that holds this group together.

Just like on Monday, I saw Chris sitting by himself off in a corner. Chris returned back to school yesterday. I saw him in the cafeteria during lunch. He was sitting all by himself then too. When I saw that, I felt bad for him. Then I thought to myself he chose this, not us. Until Josh comes back, we won’t do a thing about Chris.

All of a sudden I felt someone patting me on my shoulder. I looked around and saw Cesar standing there. I smiled and invited him to sit with us. I introduced Cesar to everyone at the table. When I introduced Cesar to Bernice, it looked like he wanted to jump her bones. I couldn’t help but smile at that. If he is straight he can try and get with Bernice.

I met Cesar last Friday in the hallway. Well, actually, I ran into him for the first time in the hallway. We didn’t actually meet until later that day. Still something I saw in him got me wondering. I saw him several other times before, but I never really paid much attention to him. I figure we had our group of friends already.

Still I just can’t put my fingers on it, but I think he might be like Josh. He is also a handsome guy. It’s not that I play on Josh’s side of the field when it comes to my love life but I am confident enough in myself that I can say another guy is cute and not worry about others thinking I am gay.

Anyways I got off base with what I was saying. This guy is at least six one, maybe a little taller. Weighs around one hundred and seventy pounds, but pure muscle! It doesn’t look like he has any fat on him. White, not Hispanic, with blue eyes, with short blond hair, and a smile I know Josh would love.

I finally got the balls before lunch on Friday to go up and introduce myself to him. At first I won’t lie; I was nervous. I haven’t done something like this before. But I really want to do something for Josh to get him out of the bad mood he is in. I walked up to him as he made his way to the cafeteria.

“Excuse me I know you don’t know me, but I have see you around and noticed you really don’t hang with a certain group. I would like to invite you to hang with me and my group of friends over there.”

I pointed to the table where we normally sit. Right now there is no one there yet. This guy just looked at me like was from another planet. I think I stepped into some crap by doing what I just did. I don’t even know if this kid likes guys. Hell he is cute and more than likely has girls all over him.

“I am sorry I didn’t catch your name in all that. My name is Cesar!”

“Nice to meet you Cesar, my name is Eric. So sorry for not giving you my name before, I really never done this before! Normally we see someone and invite them to join us as a group. I can understand you have friends that you can with already or you don’t want to hang with us. We kind of have a rep already that scares others off.”

“Well I know your group and it doesn’t scare me off. And you were right at the beginning, I don’t hang with anyone. But I can’t hang with you guys today, I have things to do. Maybe another time if that is possible?”

“That is fine, you know where we sit. Just come on by and join us.”

I walked away thinking he will never come by but here he is, several days later, wanting to join us for lunch. He fit in really nice with our group. He caught on right away with what we were talking about. Just like the others, it seems as if he has been part of the group from the beginning of the year.

After we all finished eating, we walked out to the stadium. Bernice walked on one side of me and Cesar on the other. The other guys walked in front of us. As we sat and looked out to the field to watch other students fool around. We made fun of them. I know I know that is mean, but we need to do something to pass the time.

Cesar leaned over and whispered in my ear. What he told me I couldn’t believe. I hope it isn’t any indication on me.

“Eric you guys are very cool. Thank you for inviting me to join you. But I need to tell you this from the beginning, I am gay. I am open about it if anyone asks. I just don’t show it to others.”

“Cesar, that doesn’t bother me or will bother any of these guys here. In fact my best friend is gay. You haven’t met him yet, but you will. To tell you the truth I had hoped you are gay. Josh, my best friend, needs someone in his life right now.”

Cesar looked at me and then over to Bernice. When he looked back at me he has a smile on his face. I think I got his attention with Josh.

“You know Eric I have seen your best friend Josh around the halls since school started. I even started to attend to the swim meets to get a look at him in his shorts. To tell you the truth, I liked him from the moment I saw him the first day of school.”

“Well you will meet him on Thursday when he comes back to school. Right now he and his brothers are with his father on the campaign trail. Wait I am wrong, they are back in town because it’s Election Day.”

“I heard and believe me when I say this Eric. I don’t want to meet Josh because of his father and what he is going to be. I want to meet him because I like him. I knew who you were when you first approached me, I just played dumb.

When you invited me to sit with you guys, the best thing I hoped for is to meet Josh. Maybe become friends with him and all of you. Admire him still from afar kind of thing. If I even get a chance to go out with him, I would be in heaven.”

“Why don’t you come with us to Josh’s house tonight? We are going to hang with him as the election is called. We are even going to go down to UTEP and stand behind stage while Josh’s dad speaks to the voters of Texas”

“No way, you got to be pulling my leg. You are really going to invite me to be there when our next Governor is elected? That is very cool man! I really would like to meet Josh. I know I will meet him soon, but tonight….”

I have never seen anyone so excited. Cesar is almost doing back flips down the stadium right now. I am a little mixed if the excitement is because of meeting Josh or his father. I will take him at his word from earlier. He doesn’t care who his father is.

Bernice and I settled him down right before the bell rang. Since none of us have any classes with Cesar we told him to meet us here at the school at six. He agreed with a big smile on his face.

After he left I talked it over with Bernice. I needed to hear if I made a mistake about Cesar. I told her everything from the talk I had with him last Friday to the talk today. Bernice reinsured me that there isn’t anything to worry about. Both of us will protect Josh from getting hurt again by anyone.

Bernice and I met on one side of the school before heading over to get Cesar. On the way Patrick and Billy caught up with us. This is the first time out of school Billy is without his girlfriend. There is something odd there.

Once we got Cesar we made our way to Josh’s house. Everyone seemed to be very nervous. Who can blame us? We are about to walk into the house of the front runner of the Governorship of Texas. None of us have met or known a person like Josh’s father.

When we reached Josh’s block, it was roped off. I couldn’t believe the amount of time getting through the police line. Still they wouldn’t let us through to get to Josh’s house. So Bernice and I ran to the corner on Mesa Street to call Josh’s house.

Who ever answered the phone at Josh’s house put Josh on right away. I told him what was going on. He told me not to worry about it. He will meet us down below to get us in. I hung up, told Bernice what he said as we ran back to where the others were waiting.

Just as Bernice and I got there, Josh arrived. People started screaming and yelling at him. They wanted to know how the family is doing. What the General is doing in the hours leading up to the polls being closed? Just question after question being thrown at Josh! He just smiled and kept saying over and over again that he hopes the voters vote for his dad. He was very calm as if it is a walk in the park!

He told the officers to let us in. At first he didn’t know Cesar, but let him in because I told him that Cesar is cool. All the way up to the house we asked Josh how it was being out there for his father. All he could talk about is the plane and people that he saw.

Before we were allowed in the house, the guards needed to check us. They didn’t strip search us. But they patted us down, making us take everything out of our pockets. Josh already told us not to bring bags.

Once we got into the house, Josh’s dad came out and greeted us. I couldn’t believe he took the time to say hi. This night is more then likely the most important night of his life right now, and he takes the time to say hi. What a guy Josh’s dad is.

(JOSHUA’S POINT OF VIEW)

Once I went down and got Bernice, Eric and the others. I couldn’t help but wonder who this cute guy that is with them. I just kept stealing looks at his butt in his tight fitting jeans as we walked to my house.

My dad being himself greeted my friends as we headed to the back yard. There is no way they will fit in my room. We stood out there talking about everything that had happened at school. They kept asking me over and over again how it was campaigning for my dad. I tried my best to stay away from that subject.

About twenty minutes in Eric realized that he hasn’t introduced the new guy. He pulled me and the new guy aside in order to make introductions.

“Sorry for being an ass here you guys. I should have introduced you two once we got back here. So let me correct that right now. Cesar this is my best friend that I have known since we were in diapers, Josh. Josh this Cesar!”

We shook hands laughing at what Eric said. We have known each other for a very long time now. So long we are finishing each other thoughts at times.

We rejoined the others and just talked. Somehow the conversation found its way to Chris. I didn’t even know that Chris is back at El Paso High. What I could understand he returned to school on Monday. He is pretty much all by himself each time they see him!

Bernice told me about her visit she had with Chris and Coach. She told us what the Coach said to her on why Chris is returning back to school. Pretty much everything they talked about. Then she told us that Chris wouldn’t even say a word to her. So her visit with him didn’t even last five minutes.

“Look guys I don’t want to stop you being friends with him. If you want to be friends with him, go for it. I will not hold it against you at all. He was all of our friends before he moved to another school. It has to be hard to come back and not have any of your friends talking to you.”

“Josh we didn’t choose to cut all ties with him. He just stopped talking to us. Yeah he moved to another school, ok! But he didn’t move from his house. He still had a phone to call us, and he still could have come down to any of our house to tell us what is up. He didn’t do any of that.

As far as you and him, that is between you two. We will never get in the middle of that stuff. He just decided to move on and not talk with us. None of us did anything to him. In fact you didn’t do anything to him to make him do what he did to you. No he chose what he wanted, and it is his fault for where he is now. For me I will never be his friend again,” Eric said putting his thoughts and feelings out there plainly. He had thought it through and took his stance. Perhaps Eric has a future in politics!

Everyone started to shake their heads as Eric spoke. It seems they are all in complete agreement with Eric’s assessment of the situation. I know it is over between me and Chris. I just didn’t want him to lose friends as well.

“Ok, ok Eric I understand where you are coming from. We make a pact here not to do him any harm at school or out of school. No matter what we feel about him, he was a friend to each of us. He doesn’t need us making his life even worse than it is already. We will just stay clear from him and I am sure he will do the same.”

Everyone agreed with me. Although Chris and I are not together anymore, I still care for him. It didn’t take much for Patrick to change the subject back over to me and being with my father the last couple of days.

“Ok, ok I will tell you guys how it was. I don’t wish this on anyone at all. Being……”

I told the guys everything from the airplane, to the people, to the food and how we were treated in each city. They all just stood there as I told the story. No one looked away or tried to butt in. They just wanted to live through my eyes.

Before I knew it, all of us started playing football in the back yard. My grandmother called us in for dinner. Since there is so many people at the house, my dad decided to have a cook out in the back yard. I thought it was weird at first because of the time of year. But after thinking about it, it is a good idea.

We all sat there eating and joking around with each other. My father came out a couple of times joking with us. Even Daniel and Carlos joined us outside with their friends. Brandon was the last to join the rest of us outside.

For some reason Eric made sure I sat next to Cesar. I didn’t mind at all since he is cute as hell. Still I have to wonder why he is doing it. Does he know something about Cesar that he hasn’t told me?

I through dinner I talked with Cesar. I wanted to get to know him. By the time we all got called in, I started to think I knew the answer about what Eric is hiding from me. I think Cesar is gay like me. Boy do I really hope so.

I looked at the clock on the wall as we walked in and saw it is ten twenty. I couldn’t help but wonder why we are being called in this early. The polls just closed a little over three hours ago. There can’t be a call on the election yet.

Everyone stood around a television somewhere in the house. There is no one in the house big enough for all of us to be in to watch the returns. My brothers and I walked up front and joined my father on the couch as the guy on television came back on.

“We now can call the Governor’s race in Texas. There shouldn’t be a question who has won here tonight. Going into tonight General Lopez has had double digit lead in the polls. It hasn’t changed here on election night.

The winner of the Governor’s race of Texas is Republican nominee, General Daniel Lopez. The Governor’s Office in Austin, Texas is back in Republican hands once again.”

All through the house you heard cheering once the announcement was made. All of us hugged our father as he just sat there after the news. I don’t think he believed the polls when they had him ahead all this time. Now the voters of Texas have put him in the Governorship of their State.

Before we could get out of the way, people started rushing in. All of them trying to congratulate my father on his win this evening!

As I started making my way over to my friends the phone started to ring. Just as fast as the house got noisy, it went silent. Everyone looked at the phone like it was a bomb or something. My father made his way over and answered.

We all knew who it was. Within seconds after my father answered the phone, I heard him say “Governor”. I still can’t believe it is the Governor of Texas calling my father and saying congratulations.

As soon as my father got off the phone he told everyone it was the Governor he was speaking with on the phone. He conceded the race. The house broke out in roars of congrats and good bye all at once. Good bye to the out going Governor and congrats to my father.

We hurried and put on our Jackets in order to make our way to UTEP. My father is going to accept the Governorship of Texas there on the football field. Just as we all started walking out the door, the phone rang. It stopped all of us in our tracks.

We looked at each other as my father went to answer. I really hope it isn’t the Governor calling back to take back what he said earlier. I could see in everyone’s face the same fear. Then we heard my father say, “Thank you, Mr. President”.

That was a like a light switch. It flipped on and we all started to breath again. The call didn’t take long at all. Before I knew it, we started pulling out of the driveway. In the main car is my father, grandmother, me and my brothers. Of course my father had Mr. Stewart drive with us.

In the cars following us are our close friends and family. That includes my friends from school. I know I am not going to school tomorrow. Still how about my friends? It is going to be a late night without question.

(CESAR’S POINT OF VIEW)

I couldn’t believe that I got invited to Josh’s house on this night of nights. I really wanted to meet Josh, but I really don’t know if this is the best time to do so.

Once we got through the road block, I couldn’t stop looking at Josh. I have seen him from afar all year long. Now I am several feet away from him. What is surprising me the most right now is the way Josh is.

His father is about to become the next Governor of Texas. Here he is acting like you or me. None of this fame he and his father are experiencing has gone to his head. I have heard kids always think they are better than others when their parents are important people. Not Josh. He couldn’t care less.

When Eric finally introduced us, I didn’t want to let go of his hand. I am standing right in front of Josh. Man I am a happy man right now. Then when we sat down to eat. I can’t explain the way I was feeling. My stomach is I knots and my head feels like it is floating above my body.

We talked so much I can’t remember what we talked about. Every chance I got, I tried to move closer to him. With my little finger I tried to steal as many touches to Josh’s legs as possible. The whole time as we sat there talking, I tried to memorize everything about him. Every detail from head to toe I want burnt into my brain.

We all got called in to the house to watch the returns. Josh and his brothers got pulled to the couch where their father was sitting. Behind the television is a guy with a camera I figure to start and take pictures of the family when the election is called.

I stood by Eric and Bernice and watched the television with excitement. I wasn’t excited for the same reason that everyone else was. My excitement is for Josh and what he has to be feeling right now. I am here with him and his friends on a very important night of his family.

The election got called and the house broke out in loud roars. Before I knew it I started getting tugged in all directions. People I didn’t even know kept hugging me in the excitement of the news. Even Eric, Bernice and the guys shook and hugged me.

I couldn’t believe how quick the house got quiet when the phone rang. Josh made his way to us as his father picked up the phone. All through the call the house stayed quiet. Once Josh’s dad made the announcement it got loud again.

Josh’s friends kept patting him on the shoulder and hugging him. I really didn’t know what to do at this moment. I just met the guy a couple of hours ago. But my thoughts got answered within moments.

Josh grabbed a hold of my hand and shook it. He pulled me in for a hug. I did the only thing I knew what to do, I hugged back. The hug only lasted a few seconds, but it was long enough to get me instantly and uncontrollably arroused.

We all rushed out of the house and climbed into cars. I got dragged along by Bernice and Eric. If it wasn’t for them pulling me along, I would have been trampled. All of us climbed into a van to make our way to UTEP.

As we tried to make our way to the freeway, we got slowed down by the crowd of people wanting to be part of this night. I just looked out of the window at all the people yelling congrats to Josh’s father and family.

Once we made it to the freeway, it was smooth sailing. It only took us a couple of minutes on the freeway to get to the UTEP Center from Josh’s house. The police sealed off the freeway and the exit ramps to UTEP. Making it easier for us to get there!

Josh met us as we drove up. He walked with us into the private entrance. I couldn’t believe Josh is walking beside me, not the others. I am on his right side and Bernice is walking on his left side.

(JOSHUA’S POINT OF VIEW)

The night was a blur. The only things I could remember is arriving at the UTEP Center, watching my dad as he walked onto the stage in the middle of the football field to address a stadium filled with voters and walk off. I could only imagine what is going through my father’s mind right now.

He has to be excited, scared, and nervous all at once. He accepted the Governorship and thanked the voters for their vote. He promised them they will not regret the decision they made this day. All through his speech he kept getting interrupted by applause and screams from the audience.

I don’t even know when my friends left. I do know they came back to my house. After that I don’t know when they left. None of us got to bed before five. No one wanted this night to end. No one wanted to go home.

No one woke up before noon the next day. That included my father. When I made my way downstairs I found my grandma trying to clean up the place. Since no one else is awake yet, I pitched in and helped her out.

My dad left the house around two to deal with something on the base. My brothers and I just hung around the house and help clean up. By dinner, we had the house and yard pretty much cleaned up and back to normal.

Just as we sat down to eat, my father got home. We all sat around the table and ate dinner. Nothing got said about what had happened last night. We sat there like a normal family talking about normal things. I can’t speak for the others, but for me, I enjoyed it.

By Thursday morning I couldn’t wait to get back to school. I was past ready to get back to some kind of normal life. I wanted to be with my friends and talk about everything except politics. I just want to be a normal teen in high school.

When I walked into the cafeteria, I couldn’t escape students and teachers coming up to congratulating me. Not me, my father. They want me to tell my father how much they wanted him to be the Governor. I told each of them the same thing; I will pass it on.

I think my friends knew I didn’t want to talk about politics so they politely changed the subject. Everyone caught me up on all the gossip that happened at the school while I was gone. I enjoyed sitting here with my friends once again.

Cesar joined us at the table. He sat on the edge next to Eric. As I looked over to Cesar to say good morning, I saw Chris. I haven’t seen him since that day at the pool when Elizabeth attacked and embarrassed me in front of the swim team.

He took a quick glance at the table and then went on his way. I didn’t want him to know I am looking at him. So I stopped looking all together. I need to stay strong. I need to keep reminding myself he hurt me and broke my heart. I can’t ever give him that chance again no matter how much I might want to at some point.

Most of the morning I played catch up. I couldn’t believe I wasn’t that lost in class. At that point I started to think that the teachers are already in holiday mode. In a couple of weeks we are going to start studying for the semester exams. After that it is only a week till Christmas vacation. Of course Thanksgiving is in there somewhere.

By the time lunch rolled around I had gotten myself back into the groove. The teachers already gave me my entire make up homework. So far none of them had exams while I was gone, that is good.

As I walked into the cafeteria after holding my tray, I couldn’t help but notice Chris looking at me. At one point I started to head over to him when Eric pulled me over to the table. He didn’t look to happy with me at that moment.

“Josh, I can’t see you go through the hurt again. You need to remember that Chris hurt you, not the other way around. He left you without a reason why. He didn’t have your back when Elizabeth went into your practice and humiliated you to all end.

Don’t look at me that way Josh. You know I am right. Chris doesn’t deserve you. If he did, he wouldn’t have done what he did.”

“But Eric I can’t stop thinking about him. Yeah at first it seemed easy to get over him. The reason for that was that he wasn’t here. I didn’t have to see him every day like now. I need to know why he did what he did Eric, I really do!”

“Josh I understand that your heart is hurting once again. Look you are like a brother to me; no, I am wrong, you ARE a brother to me. I love you Josh and I don’t want to see you get hurt anymore. Just let it be. Over time it will get better. You will find someone else that will not do what he did to you.”

I looked at Eric knowing what he is saying is right. Chris left me without saying why. I can’t keep putting myself through this hell. I need to ignore him no matter what. I need to find someone new.

Eric made sure I didn’t look over the direction where Chris is sitting. Even when we left the cafeteria, Eric walked on my right hand side. He wants to make sure I can’t look over where Chris is sitting. He also had Cesar walk on the other side of me.

The rest of the day seemed to go slower than it did in the morning. During Glee Club I picked up where I left off from last week. Mr. Edgar welcomed me back by telling me how much he had missed me from the Club. I kind of felt bad when the others heard him talk like that. I hope they know I am not kissing Mr. Edgars butt!

Bernice met me after school as usual. We walked to my house talking about school. I knew she wanted to talk about something else, but she stayed away from the subject. I finally just asked her what she has on her mind.

“Come on Bernice just spit it out. Tell me what is on your mind.”

“Josh I don’t know if you have noticed, but the new guy seems to want to jump your bones whenever he is around you.”

“Who Cesar, no way, he is just nervous being around us.”

“Yes Cesar and no he isn’t nervous being around us. He is nervous being around you. When he sat with us when you were not around, he was fine. Now that you are back, the guy stutters and trips over every other word. Plus he can’t keep his eyes off you.”

“Come on Bernice there is no way that hot guy is gay. No gay guy could be that hot. Plus I can’t be that lucky to have someone like him taking an interest in me. I am no way a catch to anyone. Just look at my past for example.”

“Fuck your past Josh! Your past isn’t your fault in any way. Chris is the one that left you without reason. You guys didn’t fight, you didn’t cheat on him, or he didn’t cheat on you. He just decided to walk one day without saying a word as to why. We are not going to speak of this again. I am tired of hearing about Chris this and Chris that.

Also stop putting yourself down. Josh if I wasn’t gay and you were not gay, I would jump you as well. Of all your brothers, you are the cutest. And I am not just saying that to make you happy. You are the cutest of all Lopez men in your house.”

“So what do you think I should do with Cesar? I don’t even know if the guy is gay. I don’t want to overstep my bounds with him. You know…..”

“Stop right there Josh and let me tell you what Eric and I found out. Cesar told us up front that he is gay. He is out, but only to those who ask. He doesn’t act it or go around yelling from the top of his lungs that he is gay. There’s no flashing neon signs with this guy!

For that reason and that reason alone I think you two would be great together. You both don’t go around telling everyone that you’re gay. You both keep that to yourselves. You both act straight as hell, and most important, you two are just right for one another.”

I couldn’t help but laugh from what Bernice said. I couldn’t believe that Cesar is actually gay. Just by looking at him you couldn’t tell that he is. There’s another thing I like about him. He isn’t involved in any sports at school. I am done with that and I don’t want to be with someone that lives in that world.

Bernice and I hung out in my room doing homework. Brandon came in right as we finished up. The three of us just sat there talking about the night before last. It seemed that Bernice could remember more than me and Brandon.

Our grandmother called us down for dinner. I asked Bernice to stay, but she had to get home. Just as the words left her mouth, her father drove up. Brandon and I walked Bernice out to her car. Her father told us to tell our father congratulations on his victory the other night.

After agreeing to pass it on, he and Bernice drove off. The rest of the evening was very quiet. All of us spent most of it in front of the television. At first we wanted to see if they are still talking about the election, and they were. After awhile it got old so we turned the channel.

When I woke the next morning I couldn’t remember what day it was. That is what I get for not going to school for almost a week. When you don’t have to know what day it is, you lose all track of time.

I made a promise to myself to find out more about Cesar today. I want to talk with him more. If it is me that is holding things up with him, well let me just say this; I will change that in a flash!

All through breakfast, Cesar and I ignored the others. We seemed to be in our own little world talking. I couldn’t believe what he had to say. What surprised me the most is when he confirmed what Bernice said that all the guys know that he is gay.

After breakfast, during first period, I couldn’t stop thinking. I am starting to want to make a go with Cesar. I just don’t want him to be a rebound from Chris. I can’t go through the hurt of loosing another boyfriend.

It could be an old wives’ tale that is said about the next person a person dates after a break up. You know the one about being a rebound. It never works out with anyone. I think it is in the mind of the person not going in already with a negative point of view. That will be the only way it will work. No negative thinking at all.

By lunch I made up my mind to plunge in and try to make a go of it with Cesar. Now the question is how I am going to let him know. I am not good at it. Chris made the first move when we got together. You guys know the letter he wrote me. I can’t repeat that same thing.

As I sat there eating, Eric noticed I wasn’t paying attention. He bumped into me causing my arm to fall. In return my head hit the table. I looked at Eric mad as hell. I couldn’t believe he did that.

“What the fuck Eric? Why did you do that for?”

“You looked like you were in space. I didn’t mean for you to hit your head. I just wanted you to join the group. You know me Josh. I wouldn’t do that on purpose. I am sorry it happened, but not sorry for doing it.”

I looked at him and then smiled. He is right on all counts. He didn’t do it on purpose, but everyone at the table still was laughing at it. I let them have their fun at my expense. The more I yelled about it, the more it would be worse for me.

I pulled Cesar away from the group when we walked outside. He looked confused at first, but didn’t put up a fight. We walked to the side of the building where the buses pick up and leave the students. Most of the time no one hangs out here and today is no different than any other day.

“Josh what is going on? If I over stepped some where or said something please let me know. I will try and correct it.”

I looked Cesar, this tall, blond, blue eye guy standing in front of me shaking. He thinks he did something wrong and I am taking him out to the wood shed for a spanking. He must have had some bad relationships or friendships in the past to react like this.

“No Cesar you didn’t do anything at all. I needed to talk with you in more of a private setting; you know away from the group just for a few minutes. Let me explain what I mean by all this. I really didn’t mean to make you think what you are thinking.”

Cesar settled down a little as I spoke to him. In as many words as possible, I think I was more afraid of what I am about to say or do. Then he wants to know why I brought him back here.

“Cesar I don’t know how to do this. I have never done this before in my life. So forgive me for my bluntness. After my last relationship I didn’t think I would find someone, let alone this quickly. I know I am not speaking out of turn. You told me where you stand as far as the sex you like.

Look let me just say this straight out. When I first saw you I couldn’t think there would be a future; not because you are not cute or a great person. Because, well, I am really screwing this up right now, aren’t I?” I said with a sheepish grin.

I started to blubber on and on to Cesar. Damn I am screwing this up. He is going to think I am some kind of idiot or something like that. Here I am going on and on, changing form one topic to another. Never completing any of the thoughts I start.

“Please Cesar just understand I am new at this. Um, I, um, really don’t know how to do this. I didn’t do it the last time. In fact by the time we got together the last time. I had been looking after him for weeks, um… Here I am going on and on like a fool.”

Cesar smiled and his eyes sparkled and he said, “Look Josh, just settle down, take a deep breath. Just relax a little is all you have to do. Trust me when I say this Josh, I will say yes if it is the question I am hoping you are trying to ask me.”

I looked at him and just rubbed my right foot on my left lower leg. I just can’t stop shaking right now. I can’t get my thoughts in order. I rehearsed what I wanted to say all morning but here I am stumbling all over myself.

“Look Cesar I am just, um, well, um, just going to say it. You know, um, throw it out there and see where it lands. Would you, um, you know, um, you know, kind of, kind of want to go out with me some night?”

Cesar smiled and wrapped his arm around my neck. We are pretty much the same height. He might be an inch taller than me. But as I looked into his smiling, baby blue eyes, I couldn’t stop thinking he is going to say ‘no’.

“Josh I have wanted to go with you since the first time I saw you. That was the first day of school. Yes I will like to go out with you some night. In fact I would like to go out with you either tonight or tomorrow night, if possible.”

I smiled at Cesar. I couldn’t believe my luck! He said yes to going out with this bumbling fool. I really hope I got someone that will stick around for the long haul this time. But wait, we haven’t even gone on our first date. I shouldn’t be thinking this way.

“I need to ask my father for permission, but I don’t see why not. As soon as I get home I will ask him.”

“Sounds good to me Josh, but let me ask you. Are those guys over there going to go with us on our date?”

I looked where Cesar is pointing. I never noticed the car before. I started to think and it came to me. I know have seen this car before. In fact I have seen it several times before. Who in the hell are these guys sitting in the car and why are they following me? They better not be reporters.

I looked over at Cesar. I felt bad that he is in the middle of all this. I know he said he is out if anyone asks but still, I don’t want to put him out there for the entire State to know that he is gay. That is my life; not his.

“I am so sorry Cesar for all this. Those guys could be reporters wanting to take pictures of my father’s kids. You know, sell them to the highest bidder of those trash kind of news papers and magazines.”

“Don’t worry at all Josh. Look I asked around about you when I first saw you. They all said your dad is high up there in the military. Now he is the Governor Elect of Texas. I know what I am getting into, so don’t worry.”

I walked across the street where the car is parked. I knocked on the window to find out what in the hell they are doing there. The entire time Cesar walked right along with me. We are barely getting to know one another, but here he is willing to put his neck out for me. That is showing me something.

(CHRIS’S POINT OF VIEW)

I have been back here at El Paso High for now a week. Bernice came over the weekend before I came back here and tried to speak with me. What did I do when she tried to talk with me? I acted like an idiot like I did when I stopped talking to Josh.

I freaked out when Elizabeth walked in at the pool that day. The funny thing is everyone knows I am gay. Why then did I freak when Elizabeth did what she did? Still, to this day I can’t answer that question to myself. I just acted like fool and hid.

Now seeing Josh back at school is making it worse. When I walked away, it hurt like all hell. Still I am not over it right now. But I am the one that did the leaving, and I kick myself in the ass for that everyday.

I see Eric, Bernice and the rest over there talking in the group I once was a part of. I see Frank isn’t there any more. At least he hasn’t sat there since I been back. I have seen him around school. Just not with Patrick and the others. Also there is the other two empty spots around the table, Josh’s and mine.

Tuesday I sat at home with Juan and Nancy watching as the returns came in. Then the announcement of Josh’s dad winning the election came across the air. I knew he was going to win. There wasn’t any way he was going to lose the election.

Shortly after the announcement I sat there with tears rolling down my face, as I watched Josh and his family for another two hours. I watched every second of it from them leaving their house, to the speech, and then Josh and his brothers joining the newly elected Governor on stage. To make it hurt even more, the cameras showed Josh with Eric and the others.

I went to bed that night crying myself to sleep like a little girl. I have had many of these nights since I lost Josh. I am sure it is getting old for Nancy and Juan. Still I miss Josh a lot and really want him back.

When Josh returned to school on Thursday my heart stopped when I saw him in the cafeteria. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him as he walked over to his table. He even looked back several times.

I never thought my heart could break even more then it was already. When Eric made sure Josh sat by Cesar, it broke even more. I almost lost it right there in the cafeteria. I asked around about the new guy at their table. That is when not only I found out his name, but that he is gay to add more to my self-inflicted misery.

It looks like Eric is trying to set Josh up with Cesar. I couldn’t stand it any longer so I left. I tried to stay away from the cafeteria, but couldn’t. I needed to go on there to eat.

On Friday it felt like Eric came up and stabbed me. As Josh made his way to his table, it looked like he turned around to talk to me. But Eric stepped in and stopped him halfway over. I don’t know what he said. Whatever it was did the trick. Eric got Josh to go back with him to the table.

I had to sit there and watch as they talked. Then Eric plays a joke on Josh. He bumped into him, which made him lose balance. Josh being Josh, he let it go. Soon after that they got up and left. Eric was walking one side of him and that kid Cesar on the other side.

I couldn’t stand it any longer. I got up from my table. Threw my trash, and walked out to the stadium. I am going to go and confront Josh and tell him I want him back. Tell him I fucked up and I will never do it again. All through this I will get on my hands in knees if need be. All I care about is getting Josh back.

When I made it outside to the stadium, I didn’t see Josh anywhere. I saw Eric, Bernice, Patrick, and Billy, but no Josh or no Cesar. I started to freak out. If those two are off alone somewhere, I might be too late. Eric might have been successful getting Josh and Cesar together.

I started to search for Josh in the normal spots. I pretty much know where he might have taken Cesar if Josh was the one that chose to leave the group. If it was Cesar, they could be anywhere in this large school.

Just when I was about to give up looking for Josh, I found Josh in the last spot where I thought he would be. As I turned the corner of the building I spotted him with Cesar. At first I couldn’t make out what they were doing. Then I noticed they were looking at a car across the street. It confused me at first, but I wasn’t going to stop now.

Just as Josh and Cesar started to make their way across the street, I started to run towards Josh, yelling out for him. As I ran, tears started rolling down my face. I really want this nightmare I created to be over one way or another.

“JOSH, JOSH, JOSHHHHH, PLEASE WAIT, I WANT TO TALK WITH YOU. PLEASE JOSH, I L………..”

TO BE CONTINUED………………

{Oh no! So much going on here! Let’s put aside the election and the excitement there. But it looks like Chris is back and wanting Josh back in his life. Is it too late for Chris? The way he acted many people will not give him a second thought. But we are talking about Josh. Remember he stuck by Chris when he almost died. It looked then this was true love.

But there again there is a new guy in town, Cesar. Just as Josh starts to move forward Chris wants him back. Josh just asked Cesar out moments before Chris arrived. This is going to be something. What is Josh going to do here? Chris wants to get back together. What is he yelling to Josh? It looks like the “L” word.

Then there is Cesar to think about. He waited and never stepped in when Josh and Chris were going out. This isn’t his fault that Chris realized he made a mistake. Why should Cesar’s heart be broken because of the wobbling mind of Chris?

Who are those guys sitting in a car across the street? Josh just realized this isn’t the first time he has seen this car. Call me chicken shit, but I wouldn’t walk across the street to find out. There are idiots out there ready to do harm to people.

Josh’s father just got elected Governor. Josh just can’t go around walking up to cars out there. Not only he is putting his life in danger, he is putting Cesar and anyone else around him in danger when he pulls these stunts. No Josh stay away from that car. Run man run for your life right now.

So much going on right now you guys. The story is breaking open and you can’t miss a page of it. From Josh’s dad about to be Governor all the way to Josh’s mom popping up when you don’t think she would there’s no end to the excitement. Where are these guys going to live now that Josh’s dad is divorced? Remember they were going to live in El Paso if he got elected but now the mother is now out of the picture. So much is going on right you guys, so much!

I could stay here all day long, with all the open plots already in this story, but I won’t. I warn you though! Don’t skip a chapter, or you will be lost. There is a so much to answer in the chapters to come. Keep reading the future chapters, and enjoy! Please email me and let me know how I am doing at jacobmillertex@aol.com, Thanks!}
EDITOR’S CORNER:

OMG…a double cliffhanger. I think Jacob is addicted to them!.....and, worse than just that, I don’t have another chapter to edit! So, like you, I have to WAIT! DAMN!

So, I see you returned for the next chapter after my soap box speech about today’s politics. I’m glad I didn’t scare you off!

Who’s in the car? C’mon Josh, think! Your father was just elected Governor. You think your life is going to be “normal”? HA! That’s your SECURITY DETAIL…and let me emphasize the “TAIL” part. So much for normal, everyday privacy now….

OK, it’s hotter ‘n hell here in Dallas today. Since I have to wait to find out what happens with the story, I’m getting NAKED and getting in the POOL !

Until next time…

“Daddy” Rick