Shadow of my Father - 4. Chapter 4

(CHRIS’S PONT OF VIEW)

I sat there in the counselor’s office not believing the question that I was being asked! I heard my counselor several times asking me for my answer. I just kept thinking what I have gone through at my dad’s hands.

Every waking moment since I could remember my father treated me like I was the incarnation of Satan himself walking this earth. As you all know my mom died giving birth to me. What you don’t know is that the doctors told her months before I was born that she will need to make a decision soon about her pregnancy!

They found out through several weeks of tests, the pregnancy wasn’t going well. The doctors predicted if she went through with the birth, she, I, or both of us would die during birth. My dad kept pushing her to end the pregnancy, but she didn’t want to.

True to the predictions of the doctors, she had a very hard labor. We both almost died, but it was only my mom that lost her life that day.

Ever since, my father blames me for taking her away from him. He would beat me with whatever he could get his hands on. He would beat me every time he saw me.

I could remember several times my father beat me to the point I thought I was going to die. One time he actually was so drunk he picked up a beer bottle and started hitting me with it. It broke several times and still he kept beating me with it. When there was nothing left of that beer bottle, he just simply picked up another. By the end of that beating, he went through at least six beer bottles. This resulted with several shards of broken glass in my body and me bleeding all over the place when my father was done! The neighbors heard the yelling and noise, so they called the police. When the police arrived, they just warned my farther to not discipline me that way and left.

Another time my father came into my room drunk, once again, calling me every name in the book. He pulled me out of my bed by my hair. He started beating me over and over again with his fist and kicking me with his feet! When he was done, I got up, which got him angrier. The result of that anger was him putting my head through the wall of my bedroom! Once again the neighbors heard the noise and called the police, but nothing was done.

Over time I’ve learned how to take a beating from my father. I got so good at it I knew how to hide it from watchful eyes. I kept hoping my father would learn to love me as a son and accept me as one. But to this day, he has not. So why am not answering this question? It is an easy one to answer! Then the words just flowed out of my mouth.

“I am sorry sir, but I don’t want to live with my father anymore. If it is ok with Coach and Nancy I would like to stay with them!”

Before anyone else could say a word, my father flew off the handle.

“What the hell did you do with my son? Did you brainwash him to not want to come back home with me? He is my son and he needs to come home with me now!”

My dad actually stepped up to Coach. He is getting ready to hit him, when I noticed that Coach was not going to take this laying down.

“This is probably why your son doesn’t want to go back home with you. He doesn’t want to be beaten anymore. Look at your son Mr. Jimenez, look at him!”

My dad stepped back and just looked at me. He looked at me for the very first time as a father. I saw a man I never seen before. I think this is the man my mother must have fallen in love with and then married.

“You have almost completely beaten and stripped your son’s zest for life away. You have beaten him so many times not only he has the scars on his body, but he has the scars emotionally as well. Do your son a favor for once in his life. Let him live a normal life without the fear of being beaten the moment he walks through the door of his own home.

Let your son heal and maybe he will go back to you. Neither my wife nor I will ever stand in your son’s way if he decides that. But it needs to be his decision to do so. It is not yours or my place to force him into a home where he doesn’t feel safe!”

My dad sat back down! He didn’t say a word after what Coach said. I never told Coach or Nancy about the beatings I’d gotten at the hands of my father. In fact I have never told anyone about them.

“Chris please go back to your fourth period class. You will be going home with the Coach this evening!”

I got up and left the office and I was actually shaking with what had just happened in there. I knew I did the right thing dealing with my father. He needs to get clean and help before I even consider staying a night back in my old bedroom. I just hope sometime in the future my dad will change.

(JUAN MONTOYA’S POINT OF VIEW)

I looked over to Mr. Jimenez and saw a broken man! I don’t know what brought him to this point in his life. But I do know if he wants any future with Chris, he is going to need to get cleaned up and get a lot of help at the same time.

“Mr. Jimenez I promise you I will never go to court and ask to adopt Chris. He can only have one father in his life and that is you. He looks up to you, believe it or not. Please, clean yourself up, get some help and make a home for you and your son.

I promise when the time is right and you are already to be a parent, Chris will go home to you. A love of a child is never gone; it just needs to be found it again.”

Mr. Jimenez didn’t say anything; he just got up and left the office. I will never think of stepping in and taking Chris from him. I won’t though send him back into that house where he can be beaten over and over again. Maybe the next beating he gets at the hands of his father, he might fight back and might actually kill him.

(JOSHUA’S POINT OF VIEW)

When I walked into the locker room to change for practice, I didn’t see Chris anywhere. I started to think maybe he lost the courage that could him to not only write the note, but as well give it to me. I kept looking around and still no signs of Chris.

I walked out to the pool and started to do my warm ups. When everyone showed up, I started to wonder where in the world the Coach was at too. We sat there waiting for the Coach to give us our assignments for the day.

About ten minutes into practice, Coach walked in. Bill, our team captain, yelled out to the Coach as he was walking towards us; “Coach you are ten minutes for practice. So that means you owe us five laps in the pool!”

We all laughed at what Bill said and the look on Coach’s face.

“Ok guys that is pretty funny and I do owe you all the laps; but let’s get down to business.”

Coach made us do warm ups and then had us work in the individual races we will be swimming again in a couple of weeks. As I was finishing up my first round of practice, Chris walked out of the locker room.

Chris looked ok, but I still wonder why he was late to practice. He walked up to Coach and said something to him, and Coach nodded. All through practice we were so busy I didn’t get a chance to talk with Chris about the note he gave me.

We couldn’t talk in the locker room either with the other guys in ear shot of anything Chris or I would say. I was getting little frustrated to say the least. As I was leaving the locker room, I grabbed a hold of Chris’s hand. As he looked up at me I winked at him. That was the only thing I was able to do to let Chris know I read the note.

I was so in deep thought as I was walking home that I didn’t heat Bernice calling out for me. When a snapped out of it, I saw Bernice standing by a black Ford Taurus in the school parking lot! I walked over to her as she stood there watching. I wondered what kept her here after school this late.

Right as I get to the car, an older man steps out I know right off the bat it is her father. He is dressed all in black with the white collar; you know the ones that priests wear. He stands about five eight, a touch of graying in his hair. He is clean shaven with no wrinkles. The only thing noticeable that tells his age is the graying hair.

“Dad, this is Josh my new boyfriend, Josh this is my father, Father Sergio Gomez.” Bernice said.

I walk up and shake Bernice’s father’s hand. He shakes mine looking at me over. I think he is sizing me up. Then he finally speaks; “Josh, I already feel I know you. You are all my daughter has been talking about in the last couple of days; you and some student named Chris. I really didn’t know who she likes more, you or Chris. I figure you won out.”

Father Gomez laughed as he got in his car. Bernice just stared at me, and finally I got the hint. I walked around the car and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Josh you don’t need to worry about me when you are around my daughter. Just remember I work for the big guy upstairs. So if you do something that you should not do before marriage, I will know!”

I stepped back and smiled at Father Gomez. I know he is kidding, but still it freaks me out hearing someone, especially a priest, talk like that.

“Bernice go ahead and spend the afternoon with Josh, if that is ok with him and his family.” Father Gomez looked up at me when he said that.

“Oh I know it won’t be a problem with my mother. Just as long as homework is done first.”

“I already like this boy, Bernice. She has her books and she knows what homework needs to be done first as well. What about your father Josh, wouldn’t he mind?” Father Gomez inquired.

“My father is over seas in Saudi Arabia, near the Kuwait border. He is the General that is in charge of the soldiers that might be asked to go into Kuwait!” I reported.

“Oh yes, I forgot your father is in the military. Please forgive me for asking Josh. It must be hard your family. Please let your family know my family will be praying for his safe return home real soon!”

“I will, Father and thank you!”

“Bernice please call me when you are already to come. I will pick you no later than six. I have Josh’s address and phone number if I need to get a hold of you sooner.”

I said good bye to Bernice’s father as he drove off. This is going to take some getting used to; dating the daughter of a priest. I just hope he doesn’t talk religion every time he is around. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against religion. I pray every night and give thanks to the man upstairs. I just don’t go all out into my religion.

Bernice and I walked to my house just talking about random topics. When we walked in, my mom was coming down the stairs. She looked at me then over to Bernice. I think my mom might not be too happy with my bringing a girl home so soon after Elizabeth.

“Mom this Bernice, Bernice this is my mom Martha. Bernice is my new girlfriend!”

My mom just looked at her then back at me. She then shook Bernice’s hand as she walked back to the kitchen. I pulled Bernice upstairs to my room trying to explain to her about my mom.

I really didn’t have to say much, Bernice understood all about my mom and what she was feeling. We did our homework first and then sat on my bed. We talked about everything we liked. She told me about the girls she liked the most and told her about the guys I liked the most. Then it dawned on me to let her see the letter Chris wrote me.

“Bernice I am going to let you see a note. Please be honest with me and don’t breathe a word of it to anyone!”

“Come on Josh, you know me, I won’t say a thing. Now give me the note so I can read it already.”

I handed Bernice the note and watched her as she read it. The moment she finished she smiled at me.

“You are one lucky guy, Josh! Do you know how this had to be for anyone to write like this? Chris really has the hots for you and wants a relationship. How are you going to respond or have you already done so?” Bernice asked with a lot of excitement.

“No I was going to tell Chris during practice today but never got a chance to. He was late for some reason. After that we really never got a chance to talk about it. I just grabbed a hold of his hand for a few seconds and winked at him.”

“Oh that is so damn cute! I would die for the girl I like to give me the time of day!”

“How would you handle it if you got the same kind of letter from the girl you like?” I asked.

“Well to start with I would be very nervous. Look, we are just high school students not knowing if the person we hook up with today is going to be the same person we will be together with next week. Prime example: Look at you and Elizabeth.

Just to don’t go all out and make it a huge thing. You and Chris are trying to keep it low key. You both don’t want anyone else to know about your true nature. Don’t dress any different; don’t put on cologne that you will normally not use at school. Don’t go all gaga over Chris when you see him.

When you see Chris, be the same as you have been in the past. Just when you have a private moment with him, let him know you have the same feelings as he has for you. Keep it at arm’s length at first. Don’t put all your feelings on the line because you don’t want to be crushed if it doesn’t work out, or if Chris moves away! Your first priority has to be protecting yourself; being true to yourself.

Take it slow and build this relationship with him. That way you guys will last the test of time. Remember who we are and what we will go through in our lifetime. We will be tested more then any other relationship will. You need the one standing on your side to be as strong as you are” Bernice concluded.

I listened to every word Bernice said. She hit on very good points. I want Chris to love and want me for who I am and nothing more than that. In order to do that, will need to work on the relationship with Chris!

“You’re right Bernice on every point you made. You know the time will come when I will need to tell Chris about us; right?”

“I know and I give you permission to do so. I trust your judgment and I trust Chris too. He seems to be a good guy; I hope I am right on that” Bernice said reflectively. We sat there quietly just thinking. I know I am thinking how I am going to approach Chris about the note he wrote. I know want to be with him and see if we can become more than friends. At the same time, when you take a friendship to the next level and it doesn’t work things can never go back to the way they were before.

We were both sitting there, contemplating the many aspects of our lives that were going to be affected by us ‘dating’. I realized that I needed to know more about Bernice and there was a question running around in my head since I met her Dad, the “Father”.

“Bernice, since we have to really get to know all about each other, may I ask you what might be a very personal question?” I asked.

“Josh, you are right about us having to get to know each other very well. Of course you may ask me anything at all.” Bernice replied.

“I have been wondering how is it possible for your father to be a Father? What I mean is, I thought Fathers in the church could not marry or have kids?” I inquired as delicately as I could.

“You right on all counts Josh. My father is a Roman Catholic priest and they cannot marry or, since they can’t marry, have kids of their own. He is my uncle on my father’s side. I do not want to bore you with all the details of it except say this: My mother and father were killed in a boating accident when I was six. No one on either side of the family could afford to take me in. So my uncle, the man you met today, took me in. He became my father when I needed a father the most.

I can remember certain things about my parents, but the man you met today is my father. I love him as such because he took me in when no one else would and has raised me as though I am his own.”

I stayed quiet for a few minutes. I was somewhat embarrassed to have made Bernice remember a bad time in her life.

“I am sorry for bringing up those emotions’. I was just thinking that’s all. Thank you though for telling me.”

“No problem Josh! I have learned to live with it already. We need to tell each other everything in order for this to work. We’ve got to trust one another with everything; even our deepest secrets.”

She was right and I knew that. After this I feel even closer to Bernice then I ever did with Elizabeth. This will work out great for the both of us.

My mom called me down for dinner. I looked over to Bernice and then the clock. It was five till six. We walked down and I told my mother that Bernice’s father is going to be here in a few minutes. My mom wanted to meet him, but not without my dad.

I walked out with Bernice and it seemed as if we were on the same brain wave with her father. As we walk out the door, Bernice’s father drives up. He looked out the window and smiled at us.

I walked her to the car and leaned in to kiss her. We have to keep the pretence of our relationship up whenever we are around others. I opened the door for Bernice as she got in. I waved at her as they drove off.

When I walked in my brothers were just looking at me. I know they agree with my mother about Elizabeth. All of them, except my younger brother Brandon. I really don’t care what they think about Elizabeth at this point. If they only knew what she was all about they would have a different feeling. We sat and ate in silent during dinner. Believe me these are the times I miss my father. He would put everyone in their place.

(BILLY’S POINT OF VIEW)

This has become another normal day for me, running for my life. There are a group of kids that always seem to focus on me and kick my butt at least three times a week. I figure I am the weakest of the group or just the dumbest of the group. Whatever the reason may be, I am always being chased.

I thought I was being smart this time. I ran around the building from the where the buses drop us off. I looked back behind me and saw the other kids fall pretty far behind me. In fact a few of them had actually given up on the hunt! I can only hope the rest of them would do the same thing.

I decided this time instead of running across the field, I am going to run up the stairs and head over where there are a lot of people. I flew up the stairs, slammed the doors open. Started running down the hall toward the cafeteria. Just as I was turning the corner, I was thrown against the wall.

When I looked up, it was the two kids that I thought had given up chasing me. Boy was I wrong on that assumption. Just as I was getting my footing, the others caught up and started their taunting.

As they were catching their breath from the run, the others actually were not out of breath and taking care of the normal butt kicking I receive at their hands. I couldn’t get away at all. I was cornered against the wall and they were just going at it on me.

The next thing I knew the guys were being pulled off of me. I really don’t who was pulling them off of me; I just know I wasn’t getting beaten anymore. I was surprised again when one of the guys that pulled the others off of me, extended his hand to help me up off the ground.

“Hey are you ok man? Those guys were really wailing on you when we arrived!”

I looked up and saw three guys standing over me. I didn’t know whether to be afraid of them or try to talk to them.

“If you pulled them off to take over for them, please just get it over with!”

They just looked at stunned at what I said. I now know these guys were not here to beat the living day lights out of me. In fact they actually did something nice for me.

“Hey man we really don’t know what those guys’ issue was is. We just saw five on one and knew it wasn’t fair. We have no problem with you at all. I just wanted to help and I know my friends here felt the same way.”

All three of them were just looking at me. I know I am all messed up from the beating I was getting. I started to feel bad for what I said to them. I am wondering who they are when one of them answers my unasked question.

“Hey, you don’t have a worry with us. By the way my name is Josh, and this is Eric and Chris!”

They extended their hands for me to shake. I reached out to shake their hands as I introduced myself.

“My name is Benjamin Tacked, Billy for short!”

“It is nice to meet you Billy! I hope you don’t care if we hang with you this morning?” Josh spoke for himself and the others.

I kind of laughed a little to what Josh had said. He is actually asking me if they could hang with me. That is a first time anyone has ever asked to be around me.

I am no athlete of any kind. In fact I really have no friends here at school. It is my freshman year, but I never had friends in middle school either. I have always been the smallest and skinniest kid in my class. I stand if lucky about five four, maybe hundred and twenty pounds. I don’t have any real style at all. I wear just jeans and whatever shirt that’s clean. My hair is brown, and I normally have it all over the place. Some have told me if I should move my hair away from my face and let others see my gray eyes, I would make friends a lot easier.

I really don’t think anything would make others want to be my friend. I like to be alone, have been alone, and that’s the way I like it. To say I am surprised is an understatement.

I straighten myself up and walked with Josh and his friends to the cafeteria. Josh went straight to the table and the other two got in line to eat. I got into line with Chris and Eric to get my breakfast.

As we were walking to the table, a group of girls at a table were chanting Chris’s name followed by fag or hag. I looked at Chris but he didn’t pay them any mind. He just walked to the table.

Josh and the guys were talking and they included me in with whatever they were talking about as if we have been friends for years. They didn’t care or even want to know what all that business was about in the hallway. It felt so comfortable just hanging around with them. I have never met a group of guys that just takes in a new person like these guys do.

(JOSHUA’S POINT OF VIEW)

“Ok Eric I will give you the answer to the riddle. Just don’t kick yourself in the butt once I tell you what it is!”

“Just tell me, you dumb ass! I am tired of trying to figure out your dumb riddles!”

“Ok; I did warn you about the answer.”

To give Eric even a harder time I turned to Billy and told him the riddle. The look on Eric’s face when I did that was priceless. He looks like he is going to explode. I just start to laugh at him!

“I know the answer to your riddle Josh. You hold in your hands a fifty cent piece and a nickel!” Billy said with a big grin on his face.

“Billy got it when I said one is not a nickel not, neither is a nickel!”

“Yeah you said one is not a nickel. But the one that is not a nickel is a fifty cent piece and the one that is a nickel is the nickel. You have two coins, only ONE isn’t a nickel” Bill stated.

“You’re right Billy and you got it on your first try man!” I said with a huge grin on my face.

“Come on Josh I told you that the first time you told me the riddle and you said I was wrong!” Eric retorted.

“No, Eric, I asked ‘are you sure’ and you backed off of your answer. That isn’t my fault!” I said with a self satisfied smirk on my face and in my tone.

I slugged Eric in the shoulder to make him laugh. Finally he cracked a smile and started laughing at the riddle. I just love to yank Eric’s chain. He makes it so easy to do so and I just can’t resist it.

The bell rang to start the day. I wanted to get a chance to talk with Chris, but once again we didn’t get that chance. Eric and I headed to our locker to get our books for the morning classes. Chris and Billy went their own directions. I really hope whatever is causing the problems for Billy, he will be safe, at least for awhile.

Eric and I talked through much of our morning classes. I like going to class, I am good at the classes I have, but I just don’t like how boring they are. I just need to find a way to pass science class.

There were no surprise exams for the morning classes. For that I was thankful at least! During Algebra class I helped out Mr. Becker during class. He asked me to help the others that have not caught onto class assignments. I sat with a group and walked them through the problems in each test we have had already.

When the bell for lunch rang, I can tell you I was hungry as hell. I was about to go to my locker several times and get my lunch and eat it. As the days before, Liz and her group of misfits were chanting slur words at Chris. We ignored them as we have done for the last couple of days.

Billy came over and sat with us. I felt good because our little group is growing with misfits here at the school. Soon there will be too many of us to handle.

Mrs. Nunez stopped me the minute I walked into fourth period class.

“Josh I really believe you have too good a voice for my class. I asked the Glee teacher to take you on in his class. Mr. Edger has no problem taking you if you want it.”

“Mrs. Nunez did I do something wrong for you to transfer me out?”

“No Josh of course not! You are the opposite of that! You have a voice that needs to be heard, not silenced in this group. Oh no Josh, and please don’t take it that way!”

I walked across the hall with Mrs. Nunez to Mr. Edger’s class. I thought to myself, who would have a name like Edger? His name gives me the creeps. When I walked into his class, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was like a playground of instruments all over the place. No desk anywhere, just bleacher’s going down one side of the wall.

Mrs. Nunez introduced us. I was asked to take a seat. Right after the bell rang, everyone got up and grabbed an instrument and started playing. Mr. Edger came up to me.

“Josh do you play any kind of instrument?”

“No sir I don’t! I only sing, if you call what I do singing!”

“We will find out in a few minutes. Here is a song we have been working on. We just have not gotten really good male or female vocals in this group to sing it. Let’s see if you are the one to carry this song as Mrs. Nunez thinks you would.”

I looked down at the sheet of music I was handed and saw it is Wind Beneath My Wings, by Bette Midler. I don’t know why he wanted a male vocal on the song. This song is made famous by a female singer.

I got up and headed over to Mr. Edger to ask. But before I could ask, he started to speak.

“Ok guys, as you can see we have a new student in the class today. Please welcome Josh as he gets used to all of us. Please don’t scare him off in his first day with us. As you all know we need to have a solo in order to compete.

You guys sing great as a group, but there isn’t one that can hold a solo spot right now. I hope Josh is the man, at least I have been told that he very well might be. The song we are going to try to perform is “Wind Beneath My Wings”. I know it is scored for a female vocal, but we can bring down to the key necessary. We lost our vocal to another school. We need to get this down ladies and gentleman.

So let’s take it from the top shall we!”

I was put on the spot right from the beginning and I couldn’t believe it. I walked over to where Mr. Edger was pointing at for me to stand. I was nervous at the same time I didn’t even know the song.

Right away, I missed my cue when they started playing. I walked over to Mr. Edger and told him what key I sing in. This time when they started, I didn’t miss the cue to begin.

I just looked at the sheet music and sang the words on the page along with the music. I started getting into it, and that surprised me. By the time the song was over, the whole room was quiet. I looked around to see if I could read my classmates faces; no luck!

“Well Mrs. Nunez is right about you Josh. You have what it takes to be a solo in this class and in real life. What you did was so damn awesome! With work we can get you to be even better. We have our new solo vocal in you Josh!”

Everyone in the class clapped or pounded on what ever instrument they had in their hands. I needed to speak with Mr. Edger before he gets really excited.

When he broke the class in groups to practice the group performances, that when I walked up to him in order to talk.

“Mr. Edger I have a problem with this whole thing sir!”

“What is the problem Josh?”

“I signed up for Mrs. Nunez’s class because we are required to have a credit of fine arts in order to graduate. I never thought I would be here. If you need permission from my parent’s in order to be in this class. I can tell you right now, you won’t get it!”

“Josh I will need your parents to give you permission to be in this class. We perform here at school at night and many times away at other schools or events. Why do you think you won’t get permission from your parents? It is just another version of the class you were taking, that is all!”

“I know that and I know my parents. My father more so then my mother! He believes these kinds of class aren’t for men, but for woman. He has these strict set of guidelines we must follow. This class is way off the guidelines he has set out for us.”

“Look Josh, for now let’s have you practice with the class. When the time comes for me to get your parents’ permission, we will cross that bridge at that time.”

“Mr. Edger I cannot do that. My parents keep close tabs on all my classes. No sir, I would need to let them know in the next couple of days. Tonight I will tell my mother and Saturday my father!”

“Why do you need to talk with your parents separate?”

“My dad is overseas right now. He is a General in the Army!”

“That explains a lot about what you said to me here today Josh. Here, let me get you the permission papers for your parents to sign. You will need only one parent to sign these, and it can be your mother since your father is stationed elsewhere.”

I took the paper work from Mr. Edger, but I knew I was not going to be able to return them to him. There is no way my parents are going to allow me to stay in this class. As the bell rang, I walked over to Mrs. Nunez’s class and explained to her my problem.

“Josh don’t worry, I would not put you on the spot like this without covering all my bases! I spoke with your mother in my off period today. At first she didn’t seem too pleased, but when I explained to her there is not much of a difference to my class and Mr. Edger’s. She gave me permission to switch you to Mr. Edger’s class. I wouldn’t have been able to unless I got your parents’ permission.”

“Wow Mrs. Nunez you are great. Thank you for believing in me the way you do. I hope I don’t let you down!”

“I know you won’t let me down Josh. Your mother knows about the paper work she needs to sign to give you permission to attend all the events this class does.”

As I was walking out Mr. Edger walked in. I smiled at him as I walked past him. I feel better already after talking to Mrs. Nunez. The rest of the day went by in a flash. I caught Chris out side the pool. I needed to talk to him about the note.

“Hey Chris, do you have a few minutes so we can talk?”

“Yeah we have a few minutes to talk. You know we can’t be late for practice?”

“I know that Chris! I will make this short as it can be.”

Right when I was about to start, several guys from the swim team started pulling us in. As they pulled us along, we started to ruff housing on the way. Damn it! When will I ever get the chance to talk with Chris about the note?

We played all the way in and got ready for practice. As every passing minute went by without me able to talk to Chris about the note! Telling him my feelings, it made me angrier and angrier! I really wanted to get this over with!

The Coach kept us on our toes all through practice. We didn’t have time to catch our breath more less talk. Every so often I looked over to Chris as he looked over at me and we would share these looks.

We swam in different events. Yeah we are on the same team, but different events. The only time we even got close to each other was in the team events. Still though, we didn’t get a chance to talk. Too many ears and eyes around!

I showered and dressed to head home. Chris did the same, but since he lives with Coach right now he hitches a ride home with him. I know this much now; I am going to have to pull Chris aside and talk with him soon. There’s no more waiting to talk with him when opportunity it presents itself. I will need to make it happen.

I met up with Bernice outside the main building. We walked to my home together. I told her what had happen to me during class today. She thought it was cool that I will be singing in the Glee club. I feared it more then anything else, because people are going to be watching me even more. You know what they think about those in Glee Club!

Same routine as the day before; Bernice and I headed upstairs to my room and did our homework. Then we sat there talking about everything and anything. I started to feel more comfortable talking with Bernice about everything. I have not had anyone in my life to talk to openly. I have always had to hide my true self from everyone.

Bernice is really cool to have around. I was in the dumps because I was unable to talk with Chris today. She cheered me right up bringing me back to my usual funny self!

Once six arrived we went down stairs to meet up with her father. I was waiting to hear her ask why my mother didn’t want to meet him but she didn’t even mention it. Bernice’s father was already waiting for her the minute we opened the door. I kissed her on the cheek saying goodbye. I also greeted her father before they drove away.

I was closing the door when my mother called me into the study. Just the tone of her voice, I knew it was not good. I walked into the study as my brothers were walking out. I noticed that she had the phone on speaker as I took as seat!

“Josh is now here honey!” Mom said directing her voice to the speaker phone.

“Hello Josh, how are you doing?” Dad inquired.

“I am doing ok dad, how about you?”

“I really can’t complain about much! Josh it seems that you are becoming a discipline problem for you mom since I left. I stood behind you on the last issue that came up. But now I hear you are not listening to your mom or brothers for that matter. What is going on with you Josh?”

“Dad I am listening to what I am being told. I really don’t understand where or what I have done that makes them feel I am not listening to them.”

“First your brothers told me that you didn’t want to do your chores this weekend. Let me make this clear as I can. You are no one special Josh and you will do everything as if I am there!”

“Dad I did my chores this weekend when mom asked all of us to do them. It was Daniel and Carlos that wanted me to do their chores. When I stood up to them, they got mad. Then they tried to force Brandon to do their chores. I stood up to them on behalf of Brandon sir!”

“Martha you didn’t have Brandon in here! Why is that?”

“I figure you just needed to speak with Daniel and Carlos!”

“Call for Brandon for me please!”

My mom went out and got Brandon. I just sat there not saying a word as they came into the room. I really hope he stands up and tells the truth. They did the greeting before getting down to the topic at hand.

“Brandon I am getting several versions of what happened this weekend when you boys were doing your chores. Everyone is saying that Josh refused to do his chores, is that true?”

“No dad it is not true at all! Josh did his chores when mom asked us to go and do them. It was Carlos and Daniel that didn’t want to do them!”

“You know what Brandon thank you for the truth son. Sorry to have put you on the spot here. I love you son and please take care. Leave me with your mom and brother.”

Brandon left, leaving just me and my mother in the study!”

“You know Martha I have way too much to do here then to deal with this bull. The boys are being boys and I am not going to stop that. By turning the boys against each other isn’t right. I don’t want to bring up children that will be back stabbing each other.

Josh I need to know what is going on with this music class. Your mom is telling me that you were requested by another teacher to sing in their class? Is this something you want to do son?”

“Well dad I really never gave it much thought to tell you the truth. Mrs. Nunez says I have a very good voice. I think I have an ok voice, but not to make a career out of it. It will give me something else to do in high school.”

“Well then son I have no objection to you doing this Glee thing. Just if you do it, you need to go all the way; no half ass efforts!”

“I promise dad, I will give it all it takes!”

“I am getting the feeling from you Josh that you are afraid of me. You are afraid to ask me to do what you like. I don’t want that from any of my sons. You guys can ask me anything and I will let it happen as long as your grades don’t slip.

I am trying my best to bring you guys up with your mom on my side. But we know you guys will find your own track in life and follow that road. Please Josh promise me not to be afraid to ask me for anything. Bottom line, I want all you guys to be happy, that’s all I want. I love you son and I will always have your back no matter what!”

“I love you too dad and I really miss you!”

“I will be home soon I hope. Let me talk with your mother really quickly before my time is up here!”

I said goodbye again to my father and left the room. Whatever my dad needed to tell my mother, it didn’t take long. She was out of the study calling for us to eat within a few minutes from me leaving her.

(CHRIS’S POINT OF VIEW)

I know Josh wants to tell me something about the note I wrote him. He seems more and more uneasy about the whole thing. I am starting to wonder if he is taking it the wrong way or just never liked it from the beginning.

I just wish we could get a chance to talk! All through the day there is always someone around keeping us from talking. I don’t want anyone to know about me being the way I am. Not here and not now.

Now I have to deal with this whole issue with my father. On the way home, Coach explained to me that my dad wants to spend a couple of hours with me this week. The Coach didn’t see anything wrong with it, but I am scared to death about it.

Still agreed to spend a couple of hours with him after school on Thursday! He is going to pick me up after swim team practice. If at any time I feel uncomfortable being with him, Coach did say to get to a phone and call him or the police if it is really bad.

The next day at school, that is all I could think about. I didn’t even hear Josh and the others talking to me during breakfast. I could have agreed to jump off a bridge because all I was doing was shaking my head to everything they were saying.

Tomorrow is the day and I really don’t want it to come. At the same time as I looked over to Josh, something about the look on his face. The look he has right now told me everything is going to be ok and he was with me. I am really falling for this guy!

(JOSHUA’S POINT OF VIEW)

I knew there was something up with Chris. He just wasn’t being himself during breakfast. I made up my mind to pull him aside after breakfast and tell him I have the same feelings for him that he has for me. I knew it wasn’t the time since he has a lot weighing on his mind right now and I could see that. I tried to reassure Chris that everything is alright every time he looked over my direction. I’m not sure if he is getting the message.

All morning we had pop quizzes in every class. I started to think to myself, these teachers got together and agreed to give the students a day of hell. My brain was worn down by the time I walked into fourth period class.

Before I took a seat on the bleachers with the rest of the class, I handed Mr. Edger the paper work he needed to have signed. He looked very pleased when he looked through it and saw it was all signed.

After Mr. Edger took roll call, he stunned the entire class.

“Ok guys as you all know we have an assembly tomorrow during this class. All of the school is going to be there and we have been asked to perform in the assembly. I know Josh has been with us for only two days. I do believe he will get it in time of the assembly.

We will work hard and get rid of any problems in the performance. Still this is a good thing for us. We are going to get an extra show in before we actually have to perform. We will see what we will need to work on before we have to perform in competition with other schools.”

Mr. Edger went on and explained that the song we were working on is the right one that needs to be performed tomorrow. The assembly was to pay respect to those students that got shot in a drive-by shooting that happened at one of our high schools about a year ago. There are several students that were in critical condition after the shooting. For many it was a touch and go situation for some time after the shooting. Thankfully, no one died and all the injured students did recover from the incident.

All we did during class is practice and practice. The others had their parts down, I didn’t have it and Mr. Edger was concerned about it. When the bell rang he gave me a recording of the back music and asked me to practice at home tonight,

My mind is now wrapped around the performance tomorrow, I couldn’t think of anything else. I knew if I screwed up, the entire Glee Club would look bad.

I didn’t want the day to go by fast. In fact I wish it would just stop all together to tell you the truth. I tried several times to talk with Chris and still without success. I will talk with Chris before the day is over. This is getting ridiculous and totally out of hand. If we can’t even get a chance to talk about this, how will we ever be able to get time to date?

On the way home I told Bernice about what I was stressing over. She just laughed it off and told me not to worry.

“I believe this will happen between you and Chris. You guys seem to be a perfect for each other. Give it time and you’ll see it will unfold the way it should” Bernice said with encouragement.

“I know I need to give it time. I just stress out if things that do not work on a schedule I think it should!” I said giving her more insight to my personality.

“Josh, schedules are good to have as a guide but nothing more than that! We are in high school, not adults, so let’s enjoy it. There will be plenty of time to be grown ups when the time comes, trust me on that!” Bernice said with wisdom of someone much older than her years.

I know Bernice is right! I will take it a day at a time. When we got to my house, we did our homework as usual. Bernice wanted to hear me sing. I knew I had to practice with an audience. My brothers or mom wouldn’t listen to me.

When I started practicing, Brandon actually walked in and sat by Bernice. I got a little more nervous with him there, but it didn’t stop me. They sat there listening to me for close to an hour. Each time I finished the song; they clapped and gave me positive feedback on my performance.

Time flew by and before we knew it Bernice had to go home. We did our normal goodbyes as I walked her to her father’s car. The rest of the evening was normal from dinner, to watching television, to getting ready for school the next day.

When I woke up I felt more comfortable about the performance later on this afternoon. Don’t get me wrong, I am still nervous as can be. I couldn’t eat much at home. Maybe when I get to school and am around my friends I will forget about the performance and just hang out with my friends! Boy was I wrong about that!

Eric and the others teased me every chance they got once I told them I am going to sing in front of the school during the assembly today. To make things worse, the local news channels are going to be there.

After lunch I headed over to class. I wasn’t even asked if I was alright to sing today. Roll call was taken and we then hurried to the gym. I didn’t think the gym was big enough to fit the entire student body and faculty too. When we walked in, I was wrong, everyone did fit in, but it was packed. This gym is bigger inside than it looks from the outside.

We took our seats in the front in order to get on stage fast. I looked around and sure enough all the local channels had someone there. I was really getting nervous now.

Several local and state representatives got up and spoke about the drive-by shooting that occurred at one of our other local high schools last year. Today marks one year since it happened. They used this moment as an opportunity to speak to the voters more than to us. They were reinsuring the community this won’t happen again.

The principal from our school got up and told the student body that everything that can be done to keep us safe is being done since that fateful day last year. He explained the changes that were implemented after the shooting to keep us safe. We are still going through changes in the procedures here at school. We needed to be patient until all the changes take effect and the bugs are worked out.

The Principal Michaels talked about one of the victims of the shooting. Soon after the shooting happened he transferred over to this high school. He is doing well and making a remarkable recovery from the injuries he received.

“Could we all give a round of applause to Jacob Hernandez, please? Jacob? Where are you, son? Stand up so all of us can see you!”

This younger kid stood up in the third row. He looked so embarrassed about this happening! I think he wanted to hide. Man, this kid is hot! I wouldn’t mind getting to know him.

Finally the applause settled down and then stopped all together. The moment I was dreading is here. Mr. Michaels asked for the Glee Club to come up and perform. I followed the others on the stage. I took my place in front of the rest of the Glee Club and looked out to the audience. To say I am freaked can’t begin to express what I am feeling at this moment. I somehow knew I had to tune out the students and the noise. The music started to play and I hit my cue dead on. All that mattered to me at that moment was the song.

When I was reaching the end of the song, I looked out to the audience. Every face was glued to the stage. No one was speaking. They all were sitting there listening to the song. Many faces were actually tearing up as we approached the end.

What I didn’t think was going to happen, did happen. Everyone in the gym stood up applauding our performance. I walked back and joined the rest of the Glee Club as we took our bows on the stage.

Mr. Michaels walked back onto the stage and thanked the Glee Club. He thanked all the students for being here and then excused us back to our classes.

Mr. Edger walked along side of me as we headed back to his class.

“Josh, I don’t know where to start! You did a great job out there and now I know I have found my solo singer!”

I honestly felt really good now! The performance was over and I didn’t screw up like I thought I was going to do. In fact I really think I will like this class.

(CHRIS’S POINT OF VIEW)

I know that Josh is really nervous. I see it in his face as he is standing up there on the stage. I really hope he doesn’t get teased about his performance. The lights dimmed and the music started.

Then, the spotlight focused right on Josh and his mouth opened. I cannot even begin to explain the feeling I got hearing his voice. His voice silenced the room and made every head turn his direction. The words touched me in ways I can’t to put into words.

I felt as if I was in the verses of the song as he was singing them. He brought the entire audience along the emotional ride that the song brings. As soon as he was finished, there wasn’t a dry eye in the audience, including mine!

I had chills going up and down my spine. I fell in love with Josh all over again at that moment. I knew every girl here just fell in love with him as well.

Josh didn’t look as nervous when he was done then he did when he first stepped onto the stage. He just stepped back into the rest of the Glee Club and took his bow. He is the solo singer but he didn’t want any more attention than what the rest received.

By the time I got to the locker room, everyone was patting Josh on his shoulder or back. I went over to him and shook his hand. I leaned in and whispered into his ear: “I fell more madly in love with you today than I already was!”

Josh kept a hold of my hand and looked into my eyes. He smiled and got up and hugged me as well. To others it would just look like friends patting each other on the back in congratulations for a job well done! What was said next just took the wind out of me!

“I love you as well Chris! I have loved you since the first day I saw you!” Josh said in a hushed tone filled with love.

My knees went week and I stopped breathing. Oh my GOD! Josh loves me the same way that I love him! I felt like I was walking on air at that moment. We released each other and other guys came up to shake Josh’s hand. Many of them hugged Josh as well. You know that hand shake that leads into a hug patting each other on the back thing.

Today’s practice was Coach riding our butts the whole two hours. When we were done, I couldn’t believe I was able to walk into the locker room. Still I had to take a shower really quickly and get ready. My father is waiting for me and if he is the same, I don’t dare be late.

I felt someone behind me as I was changing into my street clothes. I turned around and Josh is just standing there dripping, fresh from the shower. Standing there wearing only his towel wrapped around his waist, I only could imagine what lay’s beneath the towel.

“Chris I was wondering if you could spare a few minutes where we can talk before we head home today?” Josh asked.

“Oh man I am really sorry but I can’t! I have somewhere to be and I am already late!” I replied with angst in my voice.

I closed my locker and patted Josh on his back as I left. Just the look on Josh’s face hurt me! I didn’t mean to be short with him. I just don’t want any problems with my dad. I will explain to him tomorrow. I hope I have a chance to do that.

I looked all over the parking lot and didn’t see my dad anywhere. I just stood there hoping that he got drunk and forgot about wanting to see me today. Just as I was about to call it, I herd my dad yelling for me. I looked across the street and there he was. I ran over to him and got into the truck

While we drove to eat, we talked about the swim team. The minute we got out, I noticed my dad was walking funny. Right there I knew that he was drinking before he came to pick me up. Half of my wish came true.

My dad chose Hooters for us to eat dinner. When we walked in, right away he started poking me to look at one waitress and then another one. He is being the same old person as he has been all my life. He thinks by taking me out to a place full of women, and pushing me towards them, I will start to like them instead of guys. I didn’t choose to be gay, so how can I choose to be straight?

Every time the waitress came up and asked if every thing was ok, my dad would order another beer. By the time the food arrived at our table, he was already drunk. I ate as fast as I could. My dad noticed and it seemed to have gotten him pissed.

“You listen to me fag boy; you will stay here until I finish eating! This is my time to spend with you and you will stay right there until I am good and ready for us to leave.”

It actually took the waitress refusing to given my dad another beer in order for us to leave. That just pissed him off even more. Along the way out my dad would shove me in the back. Yell out slur words as he was doing it.

I just looked at my father as I stood there in front of his truck. There is no way I am going to get into the truck with him. He is drunk out of his mind. My dad noticed and came around towards me.

“You will get your ass in this truck right now if you know what is good for you!”

“No dad I won’t get in the truck. You are drunk and shouldn’t be driving!”

I didn’t even see my dad raise his hands, but he did and he hit me across the back of my head. I looked at him with tears starting to roll down my cheeks.

“You will get your ass in this truck right now or I will give you more then a smack. And stop that fucking crying!”

“No dad I won’t get in the truck!”

Man my head actually hurt from him slapping me. I stood my ground, but I was no match against my father. He actually picked me up from the ground and tossed me against the truck. For a drunken guy, he can move pretty fast. The next thing I knew he was right in front of me jabbing me in my stomach and chest.

I saw the people sitting at the tables near the window starting to get up and watch what was unfolding before their eyes. They just watched and did nothing to help me.

The next thing I knew, my dad picked me up and tossed my head against the passenger window. I actually cracked his window. I still refused to get in the truck with him. I tried to walk away, but my dad grabbed a hold of my neck. As he was pulling me toward the truck, he opened the door and threw me in. I tried to get my footing! When I did, my dad got into the truck already and slammed me against the seat.

I didn’t even notice when he shut his door or even pulled out of the parking lot of Hooters. I was already in so much pain from him hitting me and throwing me around. I just sat up in the seat while my dad continued to yell, rant and rave.

As I have done million times before, I retreated into my own world. This time thoughts of Josh came to my mind. How lucky I would be if I did get him to be my boyfriend. Not only he is hot, but man can he sing.

My dad started hitting me as he was driving. He had to have turned his head to face me, because I turned to him and yelled at him;

“DAD WATCH OUT!” I screamed.

The last thing that went through my mind as I started flying through the windshield is Josh standing on the stage singing only to me.

TO BE CONTINUED………………..

NOTE TO READERS:

{Every time Josh tries to talk with Chris and tell him how he feels something or someone is always there or comes up! Josh did in a way tell Chris that he liked him, but still the air isn’t clear yet. Josh’s mom seems to think of Josh different then the rest of his brothers. She didn’t even go up and ask Josh if what his brothers told her was true. Instead she yelled wolf during the call with his father. She was caught with her pants down. Will Josh’s dad finally put his foot down and say enough is enough. He already has enough on his plate in the desert. Oh man, Elizabeth is still hanging around and now there is Bernice. The fuse is lit and there’s bound to be a lot of fireworks there. Now I need t talk about poor Chris. What in the world was the Coach thinking on allowing Chris’s dad to take him alone? Chris always gets beaten by his father and on top of that, the chapter ending. Did Chris survive or will Josh loose his true love before it can begin? Man oh man there is so much going on right now, I wouldn’t skip a chapter. So stick around! There is a so much to answer in the chapters to come. Keep reading the future chapters, and enjoy! Please email me and let me know how I am doing at jacobmillertex@aol.com, Thanks!}
EDITOR’S CORNER:

 

It seems our budding author has the makings of a second “hit” forming up with this story. The feedback from you all is very encouraging. OK, what do we do about these cliffhangers ? Jacob has become a master at finding a way to end a chapter that makes everyone, even his editor, chomping to get the next installment !

Child abuse, such as Chris suffers, back in the early 90’s wasn’t nearly so much in the public’s eye as it is today. The scene in the parking lot between Chris and his dad would have found the police there in a flash. There would be twenty 911 calls from cell phones instantly if that scenario happened today!

Keep us posted with your thoughts, reactions and ideas for the story. This story is fully fiction and you never know when one of your thoughts or ideas will become an element of the story. Jacob’s first story was based on his life, so things were “fluffed” here and there to make the story more enjoyable. This story, however, can change direction at any time and it may just be your suggestion that does that ! With that said, keep those e-mails coming! Let us hear from you!

In the mean time, be well, be safe and spread warmth and kindness every day.
“Daddy” Rick