Tales That Toby Tell - 4. Succumbing To My Feelings

I woke up to the sound of knocking and somebody shouting "Toby! Toby? hun it is mom we're back, open!" I heard it clearly because I was curled up on the floor not far from the door.

I jumped up and unlocked the door. My dad rushed past me and mom looked at me and gave me a hug."Hun you look adorbs! How did you enjoy being alone?" I just nodded. My parents were pretty young, my age when they made me. I guess it's a blessing because they aren't very conservative. I mean they know a lesbian couple! But still who is to say they won't go crazy if they found out that their own boy is queer?

My dad emerged again."Kid I have something for you!" He headed up the stairs and came back down again. My mom had a broad smile, dad began to spoke."Ever since you were 14 we have been able to leave you alone in this house. We aren't bad parents for going out on a trip once a year. You have proven to us time and time again that you can be responsible" My dad paused. My mom now had tears in her eyes. He continued "Thank you for being the most wonderful child a parent could ask for" he took my hand opened it and I could feel him place something in my palm. I clinched my hand as my dad gave me a loving hug.

Keys- I have just received my first car. I let out a small whimper. I pulled away, shamefully looking at the ground. And then I began."You wouldn't say these things if you knew about me. I am not perfect. I am shameful." My body started to uncontrollably shake as I slouched into an arm chair in our hallway. I was leaning onto my one arm. My eyes covered by my hand as the tears came strolling down my face.

"Toby what are you talking about?" my dad had a concerned look on his face. I looked at him for a few seconds, then I said in the softest,saddest, painful most weakest surrendering voice "I'm gay dad" I paused and looked at my mother who was towering over my dad. "I'm sorry mom" I said

You can imagine what came next, a moment of awkward silence. My dad turned his face to my mom. Oh my God I've never been able to not read a look on my mothers face like I couldn't now. Before they talked the front door bell rang. Saved by the bellI thought. I jumped up and opened. It was Josh and he opened his mouth to speak "Look Toby I'm so sorry I threw that fit earlier can you please not be -" I cut him of to speak. "Look Josh this isn't a good time please go" I said rather tasteless. He ignored me and lifted his hand to my face."You've been crying, what's wrong Toby?" he said caringly.

I got a bit angry as I rudely slapped his hand away from my face."Could you go please?!" I said frantically. He then got a very sad look on his face.Like I was sucking all the happiness from his world. His eyes turned sad but not teary. He nodded and walked away. I turned and slapped the door behind me- eyes closed and so I took a breath- a sigh of relief rather. When I opened my eyes my parents were still waiting where I left them. Dad had a concerned look, mom was looking sad.What have I done? Have I put my own selfishness in the way of my family's happiness?

My mother walked forward and stood a few inches from me. She gave a half smile. "We know Toby. I don't know about your dad but I've known.Oh I've known ever since you were little". Then my dad walked up to me.He spoke "I can't beat that speech so I'll prove to you that I have always loved you" He held my face in his big hands and leaned in to kiss me on my forehead. My mother gave me a hug and so did dad and we had tears in our eyes, they were happy but I was sad. So I started to cry but just soft cries nothing overly gay.

They thought I was happy too. After that Dad and mom went off to the kitchen to prepare dinner and I went upstairs and logged onto CyberCloset.

I had a notification. I knew who it was from.

DarkSpider: I could do with a new friend.

DarkSpider: Yes. I think I lost my best mate today. I came out to him, I think.

BarricadeBoy: Did he take it badly?

DarkSpider: I think so but I didn't speak to him directly...I told my parents too...

BarricadeBoy: !!!! THIS!!! I COULD NEVA!LOL ...How bad was it?

DarkSpider: your so gay!

DarkSpider: Surprisingly not. It was like telling them I hate the colour blue. They didn't care!

BarricadeBoy: I could never do it.

DarkSpider: I'm not saying you have to but it might not be all bad.

BarricadeBoy: Maybe...do you want to meet up? I've never met another guy like me? We could just hang and talk. See what happens from there.

I didn't reply immediately...

BarricadeBoy: Please I'm so lonely.I have no one to talk to :(

DarkSpider: I can't. I can't meet up with someone from the internet that wouldn't be smart of me.

BarricadeBoy: duck!

DarkSpider: what

BarricadeBoy: fucking autocorrect,I ment fuck. Sorry I don't usually use foul language. But I understand. ttyl

And so he logged off. I felt crushed.How many friends am I going to alienate for a guy I barely know?

Soon it was dinner time. Dinner was fun and awkward because my dad made gay jokes and mom asked me about boys but the highlight was my dad enthusiastically saying, "Regina,we will never have grandchildren" followed by a wink from dad and a broad smile from mom. Great it's a win-win situation. My gayness somehow made my parents feel like doing kareoke on a Sunday night. We all did. I was pissing myself laughing at them until our neighbour shouted at the front door "Adam! Adam are you here?" My dad ran out to the hallway and out of breath greeted Mr Patterson. I don't know what happend next but dad yelled."We're celebrating because our only child is gay and we wont have any grandchildren!"

After that my mom did suggest that we call it a night but I asked dad one last question. "What makes you so sure that you won't have grand kids?" My dad laughed and replied "You hate kids and I'm pretty sure no man could change that"

Dad was right. I'll settle for a dog, children just wasn't in my very distant grown-up future. I hope Josh will be though. And Connor.

Staring at the ceiling of my bedroom I realise that I in fact had an incredible weekend, well incredible would be a bit melodramatic but it was good. What happend between me and Con is upsetting me though because I do not want to lose him over this. I am curious as to how things would play out tomorrow. I'll just have to wait and see.