Tales That Toby Tell - 18. The End Is Near

"Wake up sunshine." Were the first words I heard. It was Josh and he was sitting in front of me. Our surroundings looked unfamiliar and Josh must have noticed me looking around.

"We're in the den. This is where I used to spend my weekends watching movies until I found you" he said and I felt a smile coming from my face.

"What time is it?" I asked as the reality of our situation sank in. I slowly started to remember what happened to Connor. Josh snapped me out of my thoughts when he answered me.

"Ten...it's ten" he said. Josh moved around under the blankets.

"What are you looking for?" I asked as I felt his hands nearing my parts. I started to tense up and move away from him.

"Chill out...I'm just making sure that I put it away..." he said.

"Wait? You what? While I was sleeping?" Josh blushed as he smiled knowing he had been caught. "I'll look!" I said making sure I wasn't about to inadvertently flash anybody.

"I haven't checked up on Connor. From past experiences I know he's a sleeper..." Josh said but he was wrong.

"Connor is an early riser..." I said to Josh who seemed somewhat distracted.

"He probably went for a walk then. He's curious and probably wanted to check out the neighbourhood he is in." I said trying to make Josh feel at ease.

"What are we going to do about him?" Josh asked this time with general concern and truth be told, I didn't know how to answer him. I just smiled at him again trying to take his mind off things. He got up and left the room and I decided to walk through the house.

"Three people in this huge house... geez talk about a waste." I said speaking to myself. I jumped when I heard a voice speaking to me.

"That might change real soon." I looked up and saw Josh's mother coming down the stairs that lead to their bedroom. She had a huge smile and it almost seemed mischievous. Too mischievous if you asked me.

"I shouldn't be telling you this but I can't contain it anymore. I'm pregnant.Josh is going to have a little sister or brother!" Mrs. Hamilton seemed so sure that I too had no doubt but why was she telling me?

"That's great news but maybe Josh and his dad deserved to know first." I said and she went to go sit down in a chair seated at a window.

"The women here despise me. You see Toby, I was a homewrecker. Nineteen years ago I walked into this house and I knew I wanted it but it was already taken. I wanted to take her husband too and I did. Josh played an important role in it because he was the key. You see, Mr Hamilton's first wife couldn't give him any children and I was as fertile as I would ever be..." Mrs. Hamilton spoke bitterly not looking at me and tears started falling from her eyes. "Josh's dad divorced his wife and I moved right in. She was paid of with a hefty amount of money and remained silent all these years. Looking back now I feel so guilty...sometimes I regret having Josh the way I did but then I see him and how full of love he is. I wish it never happened that way..." she started weeping before she could continue. I had no idea how to process what she told me. This moment would now get cut off by two words. Two words that I wished I had never heard in my life.

"Toby! He's gone!"

"He's gone" were those words. I turned looking at a pale-faced Josh. He looked so unattractive in that moment. Everything in fact seemed to have lost it's beauty. "No he just went for a walk" I said almost laughing but Josh seemed worried.

"I thought so too until I found this!" he held up a piece of paper and held it out to me. "Mom can we give Toby some privacy?" I wanted to tell them that it wouldn't be necessary but before I could they had both cleared out. I walked out of the house absent mindedly as I fumbled with the piece of paper. When I got outside I finally opend it.

"We won't see each other again but I couldn't leave without coming clean" More confusion. What was this letter about?

"I could never do this in person and I feel like a monster telling you this in a letter but I'm gay." I read this part of the letter over and over. It didn't make sense. "That's the easy part." What could be more difficult then that? I thought to myself. "I've been in love with you all my life." And I got my answer. An answer that didn't necessarily please me.

"This doesn't make sense!" I said over and over as I walked around in circles and then it dawned on me. Nothing here was more important than the fact that he said we'd never see each other again. He's gone. There is no saving him this time.

Josh came walking up to me out of breath and he started to talk. "I looked for him everywhere I could. Maybe he's just playing a joke. He was fine lastnight" Josh's words sounded like I was standing behind a thick glass wall. "Are you okay? You're turning white as a sheet" I think I heard him say. I felt his cold hands taking me. He lead me inside and sat me down. After what seemed like forever I started to "snap out of it"

"It's not a joke. He left me" I said. Betrayal seemed like the only weapon he could find.

"I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation. What did the letter say Toby?" Josh said with great concern in his voice. I felt my eyes beginning to water and my mouth began quivering. as I handed him the letter. He read in silence and I just looked down at my hands. "I can't believe he finally did it" Josh said. He said it as if he was the only one in the room.

"What did you just say?" I asked as I ripped the piece of paper from his hands. The look of concern he had on his face quickly dispersed and all that was left was a look of fear and guilt.

A New York minute passed by before he broke the awkward silence. "Before you jump to conclusions, I can explain!" Josh said jumping up clearly trying to justify what ever was happenin.g

"You knew? Oh my God you knew all along and you didn't tell me?" I was furious. I must have seemed pretty intimidating because Josh seemed to have shrunk in size.

"You are just as horrible as he is for doing this!" I heard myself say and regret saying but I was too far in it to take it back.

Josh tried another attempt at calming me as he took a huge step towards me and grabbing my hands and placing it to his chest in a fist. "Please Toby. It wasn't my place to tell you. Connor had to do it himself." Josh started tearing up.

"I'm sorry but you betrayed me. You betrayed the trust we had. You should have told me" I said, and you could practically say I shoved a dagger in his heart with those words. His face said it all. He had lost. Or so it seemed until he pushed me away and took a step back and I caught a glimpse of anger in his eyes.

"Oh yeah?" he said in a tone of voice he had never spoken with me before. "Like how you were going to tell me about how I was used as leverage so my gold-digging mother could move into this fucking mansion?"

So Josh had overheard the conversation I had earlier with his mother. "I never said I wasn't going to.tell you!" I said and all he gave me was some smirk.

"Oh God. You were going to tell me? Are you kidding me? You know as well as I do that being the selfish jerk that you are, you would have taken that to your grave!"

And so it was that I stood there, the words that we spewed at each other had driven us over the edge. Josh was right, I would never have told him. I was done and I slowly turned my back and walked out of the house that I once looked at in aw, now it was just a symbol of the tarnished love that connected me to Josh.

That day my own emotions got the best of me and it might also have been the day that I pushed Josh out of my life, forever.