Flux - 35. Chapter 35

July 30, 2002

Paris

Brad

 

I was frustrated, because our travel plans had changed about fifty times, and I needed a little more certainty in my life. “How is this working?” My irritation was evident in my tone.

“You were not paying attention?” Stef asked.

“The last version I heard, JP was going back to Escorial on your plane, and the rest of us were going back on my plane,” I said.

“That was two versions ago,” Will joked. “You, me, Zach, and Matt are going to New York to drop you off, then to Claremont to drop Zach off.” He swallowed hard when he said that, anticipating the sadness of being separated. “Then Matt and I go on to Chicago to check on the progress on his apartment and Spartacus.” When he mentioned Spartacus, Zach’s brows furrowed, which was more cute than annoying.

“Maybe I should go with you to see how things are going instead of traveling to Escorial with JP,” Stef said. Will ignored him, because he’d said that the last time we’d tried to nail things down.

“They’re going to drop us off in Chicago, then go back and wait for a couple of days in New York for you to finish your meetings, then you’ll stop and pick us up on the way back to California,” Will said. Then he turned his attention to Stef. “You said you’d go check on the progress in Chicago yourself when the plane goes back to get Zach.”

“The other alternative is that we can spend days here debating how to get home, and make no progress in that direction at all,” JP said, giving Stef a rather steely look. When JP’s patience was exhausted, Stef knew he had pushed things just a bit too far.

“Very well,” he said, giving us all dirty looks. We went out and got in separate cars, even though our planes were at the same airport. I personally did it to prevent Stef from changing his mind yet again.

We were all pretty quiet on the way to the airport. Zach had that look of amazed bewilderment that Americans seem to get the first time they go abroad. It was as if his mind was still trying to digest what it had seen and experienced. Will’s silence was entirely different, because he was girding himself for the separation from Zach that would be coming. I suddenly felt bad about not being there to help him deal with it, but the thought of how irritating Stef had been when changing all the plans around stopped any of my ideas about modifying our own plan. And finally, Matt sat there, still reeling from losing Wade. I think the rest of us were as surprised as he was at how final the separation was. According to Will, it looked like they had all but repaired their relationship. Will said it seemed more likely that they’d get back together than break-up. Maybe that was why Matt was seemingly in a state of shock. He probably thought like Will did, and had just had the rug pulled out from under him. He’d been like a caged lion, so anxious to go home that it was almost irritating, but he’d spent some time at the gym, and that seemed to change his mood a bit. I guess it was true, what they said about working out releasing endorphins and making you feel better.

Our silent group got to the plane and boarded, then got situated for the flight back. As soon as we took off, Will and Zach vanished into the bedroom. I looked at Matt and rolled my eyes, and that made him smile, and brought him out of his trance. “Let’s listen for moans,” he said with an evil grin.

That made me laugh, even though it was my son who would be doing the moaning. “He’s doing better than me. I didn’t get laid on this entire trip.”

“Want to change that?” he asked, flirting harmlessly.

“Hardly,” I said.

“Dude, I keep getting shot down,” he said, pretending to be offended.

“That’s not nearly as bad as having a guy jump out of bed right after sex and all but run out of your house,” I said.

“Seriously?” he asked. I nodded. “Who jumped out of bed and ran away from you?”

“Kevin.”

“Kevin?” he asked. “Kevin Carmichael? Sergio?”

“That Kevin,” I said.

“Dude, you fucked Kevin?” he asked.

“Three times,” I said, with a bit of bravado.

“Score!” he said, and high-fived me, cracking me up. “That dude is one hot piece of ass.”

“Yes he is,” I agreed. “Stef and I had dinner with him, and he asked us to give him seed money for his company. He’s launching his own line of clothing.”

“That’s cool,” he said. “How much did you give him?”

“Four hundred thousand, for twenty percent of the company,” I said.

“Dude, you should have given him more for letting you fuck him.”

“Or maybe I should have given him less,” I said, pretending to be arrogant, and cracking him up. “We went to a party at Jackie’s house and ran into Cody. It wasn’t real pleasant.”

“Those two still don’t like each other?”

“Nope,” I said. “I guess it was a tough break up.”

“I tried to talk to Cody about it when it happened back in January, but he blew me off,” Matt said. “Then again, I thought he did it because I was so fucked up that he didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Have you talked to him lately?”

“No. Why?”

“Stef has been trying to call him, and Cody doesn’t return his calls, or when he does, he calls Stef when he’s sleeping and his phone is off.”

“Why would he avoid Stef?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “And Alex Danvers was there too, so that just made things tenser. That was our cue to bail out, so I took Kevin back to Malibu.”

“And you fucked him?”

“The first time he took charge,” I said. I didn’t know if it was relevant, but I figured I’d lay it out there so Matt had an accurate description. “We recovered, and then fucked again, only then I was definitely in control.”

“I’ll bet,” he said, leering at me.

“The next morning, we did it again, the same way, and then we were just lying there, enjoying the afterglow, and he freaked out.”

“Did you say something to him?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I asked him what his plans for the day were.”

“And you weren’t bitchy when you asked?”

“No I wasn’t bitchy,” I said, sounding bitchy. “He’d been lying there with me, and when I asked him, he got really tense, and told me he had a meeting, and that he was late.”

“Maybe he did,” Matt suggested.

“No, it was so obviously a lie. Not even the biggest idiot would have believed him. He took a shower, and I waited about five minutes and joined him. As soon as I walked in, he got out, dried off, and by the time I was done, he was gone.”

“Did he say anything?”

I shook my head. “I came down and Stef asked if we’d been fighting.”

“So he must have looked pretty freaked out when he left,” Matt said, pondering these events.

“He looked freaked out before he left,” I said.

“Are you still going to fund his business?”

“I owe him that for his help with Omega,” I said. “I couriered over the money, and he couriered back a thank you note with some stock certificates in his company.”

“He didn’t call you at all?”

“Nope.” He was shaking his head, as if he was confused, then he got an almost panicked look on his face. “What?”

“It’s nothing,” he said, trying to blow it off. And that pissed me off, since I’d laid everything out there for him, and here he was, shutting down on me.

“What?” I demanded more forcefully.

“Look, I don’t know if it’s the same thing, but Tony had something like that happen to him.”

“How so?”

“He fucked this dude, and then the next morning, the dude totally freaked out on him. Tony was in his room, and the guy left. He left Tony in his own room. That’s how anxious he was to get away from Tony.”

“That sounds like what Kevin did,” I said. “Did Tony ever find out why the guy did that?”

Matt nodded, and swallowed hard. “He was positive.”

I felt my eyes bulge. “Positive? HIV positive?”

“Positive,” Matt said. “It may be something different with Kevin.”

I looked at him, panicking as I thought about it. Then I got even more upset, but ironically enough, I got calmer on the exterior. “That would explain why Cody won’t call Stef back. Do you think he’s positive too?”

“I don’t know,” Matt said. “I haven’t been with Cody for a long time. And like I said, we haven’t talked for a while. I was all fucked up, and he was doing his thing. We haven’t reconnected since I pulled my head out of my ass.”

“When did that happen?” I said, teasing him, in a macabre kind of way.

“Ha ha ha,” he said, but smiled slightly.

“I was with him after 9-11,” I said. “I don’t remember if we were safe or not.”

“That was a fucked up time,” he said. “Have you been checked lately?”

“No. I haven’t really needed to, unfortunately.” I didn’t want to point out that Wade was the only other guy I’d been with. “Guess I know what I’m doing tomorrow.”

“I’m sure you’re fine,” he said, but those were meaningless words, and he knew it.

“Not much I can do about it now,” I said fatalistically. I was treating it like a non-event, until I realized this could have much farther consequences. God, what if Cody had it, and he’d given it to me, and I’d passed it on to Wade? Matt must have seen my horrified expression.

“What?”

“You need to get tested too,” I said, and felt my stomach churning.

“You and Wade barebacked?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. “I wasn’t with anyone, and neither was he. Well, except for you.”

“You barebacked him even after he was with me, and we barebacked?” he asked.

I nodded. “I’m really sorry about this, Matt. It just makes this whole fucking situation that much worse.”

“Did you know that I’d had unprotected sex with Wade?”

I so didn’t want to go into this, but I owed it to him to answer his questions. “The last time we had sex, he stopped me before…well, before penetration. He told me you guys had fucked without a condom.”

“And you went ahead anyway?”

I nodded ruefully. “I knew you’d never do anything to hurt Wade.”

“This is so fucked up,” he said. “But you know what’s weird?”

“It could be any number of things,” I said grumpily.

He smiled and shook his head. “It means a lot that you trusted me, especially back then.”

“Really?” I thought it would be more appropriate for him to get pissed and hit me again.

“Not a lot of people had confidence in me in those days,” he said, talking about them like they were years ago, instead of last month. We sat there for a few minutes, both of us digesting the situation, and what this could mean.

“I really don’t think I would have barebacked Cody,” I said. “I was in such a daze, I really don’t remember, but I don’t think I would have.”

“Look, you get tested tomorrow, I’ll get tested as soon as I land in one place longer than two days, and then we’ll deal with things,” he said.

“I don’t think I’ll share this with anyone until I’ve confirmed it.”

“Are you going to tell Wade?”

“We don’t even know if any of them have it,” I said. “I’ll call him as soon as I know something.”

“On the one hand, it’s kind of premature, like you’re saying,” he said. “On the other hand, he’s going to be in this new stage with Alex, and they’ll probably fuck like rabbits.” I saw him cringe, even as he said that.

“Tossing out rumors won’t help,” I said. “I’ll pin this down by tomorrow. Not much I can do before then.” I was burying the guilt to avoid dealing with it. I was due for a lucky break, and if ever I needed it, it was now.

“That’s your call, but you should at least tell Stef,” he said. I looked at him, telling him without words to explain why. “He needs to know so he’ll be able to pin Cody down when he talks to him.”

“I’ll give him a call when I land,” I told him. Matt ended up sleeping in his seat, having reclined it so it was almost a bed, while I went and grabbed the couch and crashed. I was jarred awake when we landed in New York.

“I think this is your stop,” Matt said, smiling at me. Will and Zach came out of the bedroom, looking pretty disheveled.

“I’ll see you in a few days,” I said to Will, and gave him a big hug. “I’ll have to wait a little longer to see you,” I said to Zach.

“Thanks for taking me to Europe,” he said, and shocked me by giving me a hug almost like Will had. That was really nice, and put a smile on my face, despite the disturbing thoughts going on behind my façade.

“It was my pleasure,” I told him, and patted his arm, noticing how muscular it was as I did.

“Let me know how things go,” Matt said.

“I will,” I promised. I got out of the plane and climbed into my car for the drive to Tribeca, wondering what kinds of diseases were pulsing through my body. I waited until I was at the condo to call Stef.

They were still in the plane, so I had to have the pilots patch me through to his phone. “Hello,” he said, the grogginess in his voice evident.

“Hey,” I said. “I’m sorry to wake you up. You can call me back if you want.” I knew he was much too curious to do that.

“No, it is fine. What do you want?”

“I told Matt about my deal with Kevin.”

“And was he able to provide you with a modern dating interpretation for the question as to what one is doing that day?” he asked.

“He said something like that happened to Tony.” I paused, giving him a chance to talk, but he didn’t. “The guy was positive.”

“He had HIV?” Stef asked, really alarmed.

“Yes,” I said. “That doesn’t mean that’s what’s wrong with Kevin,” I added hastily.

“Did you wear a condom when you had sex with him?”

“Yes,” I snapped.

“All three times?”

“Yes,” I said, even more irritated. I knew the drill on safe sex.

“I will call Cody and be more forceful,” he said, and sounded pissed, but I knew he was actually more worried than anything.

“Call me if you find out what’s going on,” I said. “If he doesn’t call you back, let me know, because I need to find out what the deal is.”

“Why?”

“Because I barebacked Wade, thinking that I was fine. And I had sex with Cody after 9-11. And Wade slept with Matt after we were together, and now he’s sleeping with Alex.”

“Did you have unprotected sex with Cody?”

“I don’t remember,” I said. “I wasn’t exactly at my best when that happened.”

He was silent for a few minutes. “I will call Cody, and I will make him talk to me.”

“Thanks Stef.”

I got unpacked and organized my wardrobe for the next few days, then ordered a pizza for dinner. It got here, courtesy of a really ugly delivery guy, and I’d just finished eating when my phone rang. There was no number on the caller-ID, which meant it was probably Stef calling from the plane. “Hello.”

“Hello,” he said, and sounded morose. “I talked to Cody.”

“He finally called you back?”

“I left a message and told him that he had thirty minutes to phone me, or I was calling Jackie,” he said. That made me chuckle. “It was not a pleasant conversation.”

“Really?”

“I was perhaps not at my best, considering that I was worried about him, I am tired, and that he had pissed me off by not returning my calls.” That made sense.

“What did you find out?”

“Your suspicion was correct. It seems that he is positive, as is Kevin. And while not quite as disturbing, but relevant, is the news that Alex Danvers is also positive.”

“Fuck!” I said, the word flying out of my mouth before I could stop it. “When was Cody diagnosed?”

“In February,” he said.

“I don’t suppose you know how long Alex has been positive?”

“He found out last March,” Stef said. “March of 2001.”

“Last March?” I was trying not to lose it over all of this, but it wasn’t working.

“Did you bareback him?”

“I didn’t,” I said. “I don’t know if Robbie did.” And I couldn’t ask him, I thought sadly.

“You are going to get tested tomorrow?”

“I am,” I said. “It wasn’t on my schedule, but it is now. Did Cody tell you why he didn’t call you back?”

“He finally told me that he avoided me because he didn’t want to have to admit to me that he had been so stupid,” Stef said, and he was really mad about that.

“Does he know how he got it?”

“He claims he got it from Kevin, while evidently Kevin claims he got it from Cody. I am going on my instincts here, but I suspect they were both unsafe, so it could have been either one of them.”

I sighed. “That explains so much about Kevin’s attitude toward Cody. He’s blaming Cody for this, and he’s all pissed off about it.”

“What will you do about Kevin?” Stef asked.

“What do you mean? I’ve already funded his company.”

“Will you talk to him?”

I thought about that, taking some time before answering. “Yes. I’ll talk to him.”

“Will you sleep with him again?”

“No,” I said firmly.

“Because he is positive?”

That pissed me off, enough that I let some of that through. “You’re accusing me of being a bigot?”

“I did no such thing,” he said, as mad as me.

I sighed. “I’m sorry I got upset.”

“It is alright. I think you have good reason,” he said.

“If I loved someone, and he was positive, I’d still be with him, I’d just be safe,” I said. “I was one of the biggest advocates that JP do that with Mouse. I’m not that big of a hypocrite.”

He ignored my bitchiness. “Then why won’t you sleep with Kevin?”

“Because he didn’t tell me, and now I can’t trust him,” I said. If he would have told me, it would have been fine. But he didn’t, and that was a deal-breaker.

“What about Cody?”

“That’s tougher,” I said. “He saw me at that party with Kevin, and it was obvious we were intimate, or on the verge of being intimate. As a good friend, I would have thought he would have told me.”

“It is probably not his place to tell you Kevin is positive.”

“No, but he could have told me he has it,” I said. “If he did, it would have raised my suspicions about Kevin.”

“Perhaps this is a timely lesson for you as you reenter the dating scene,” he said.

“It won’t be timely if I’m HIV positive,” I said.

“Let me know what you find out,” he said.

“I will,” I said, and ended the call. I walked up onto the deck and gazed over to where the towers had been. Had Robbie barebacked Alex? He’d promised me that he’d be safe, but without him here to tell me, I couldn’t be sure. I felt myself getting mad at him all over again, and then I stopped myself. He wasn’t here to defend himself, and I didn’t have any reason to be pissed.

I looked at the clock and it was 9pm, which meant that it was 2am in England. I could have waited until morning, but this was important. It could be life or death. I pulled out my phone and called Wade.

“Hello,” he answered, and his voice was groggy enough to indicate he’d been in a deep sleep.

“Wade, I’m sorry to bother you, but this is important.”

“What is it?” he asked, and I was truly impressed at how alert he was. “It’s Brad,” he said to someone else, presumably Alex Granger. “Just a minute.” I could visualize him getting up, and walking out of the room so he didn’t bother Alex. “Alright, I’m here.”

“I slept with Kevin before I went to France, and he acted really weird after it was over.”

“You usually don’t get that reaction,” he said, trying to make the conversation easy.

“It bothered me, and I talked to Matt about it, and he thought that maybe Kevin was positive.”

“Did you bareback him?” he asked, and it was actually sweet to hear how worried he was.

“No.” I paused. “Stef had been trying to get in touch with Cody, but he wouldn’t return his calls. I told Stef about this, and he finally pinned Cody down and found out it was true.”

“Kevin is positive,” Wade mused sadly. “I haven’t slept with him for a long time.”

“He’s not the only one,” I said. “Cody is positive too.”

“Fuck!” Wade said, which was rare for him, and probably rarer when he was hanging out with Alex. “I haven’t slept with him for a long time either.”

“I slept with him after 9-11,” I said sadly, and my eyes looked over at where the towers used to be.

“Were you safe?”

“I don’t remember,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t know,” he said. “And this all may mean we’re worrying about nothing.”

“There’s one more thing.”

“What?”

“Alex Danvers is positive too. I slept with him, but used a condom every time.”

“Robbie slept with him too, didn’t he?”

“Yes,” I said sadly. “I don’t know if they were safe. I’m pretty sure they were, but I can’t really ask Robbie.” I had to wipe a tear away when I said that, as all those events came pouring back in on me. “Have you and Alex barebacked?”

“Just a minute,” he said. I heard him talking in the background. “Sorry. Alex was just checking up on me.”

“I’m the one who should be sorry, both for waking you up, and for putting you at risk.”

“Brad, you didn’t know that you were doing that. We all take those risks. I’m not going to jump to any conclusions until we know what the deal is.”

“For a minute, I thought I was talking to JP,” I joked.

“That’s a nice compliment.”

“I know your relationship with Alex is new, so I wanted to warn you.”

He paused. “Alex and I haven’t fucked yet.”

“I’m sorry for assuming that you would have,” I said. “Are you doing alright?”

“You think there’s something wrong because I haven’t fucked him yet?” he asked jovially.

“No, it’s just that I haven’t talked to you for a while, and when you were in Paris, you didn’t even bother to stop in and say hello,” I said. He knew I wasn’t trying to guilt him, that I was just teasing him.

“I’m sorry about that. It was a pretty tough time. I knew I had to have that conversation with Matt, and I owed it to him to do it in person. But after it was over, I was pretty drained.”

“So what’s the deal with you and Alex?” I probably shouldn’t have asked, but I wasn’t as polite about minding my own business as JP was.

“Right now, it’s really wonderful,” he said blissfully. “We’re just getting to know each other. Neither one of us wants to take it to the next level until we’re a little more sure of our feelings.”

“He’s lucky you’re a good cocksucker,” I joked.

“Yes he is,” Wade admitted. Then he sighed. “It’s not that the physical attraction isn’t there, it’s just that the bond between us is so awesome, that seems to make the physical part less important.”

“You realize that this is totally foreign to me,” I joked. “I live in a world where guys fuck first and fall in love later.”

He laughed. “Remember how we talked about the guy who was stable and loving? How I wanted to find someone who would be a loyal partner, and support me?”

“I remember,” I said. “Do you think Alex is that guy?”

“I think he could be,” Wade admitted. “We’re so much alike. We both come from really old families, so all the things that were drilled into his head were drilled into mine. When we talk about things, we’re both so well-versed on them, because our interests are so similar. Except for hockey, it’s like I found my English twin.”

“That’s awesome,” I said, and he had to hear how happy I was for him. “This is such a cool time, when you first meet someone and start to find out about them.”

“It is. It’s been incredible. We spent time in the country riding, and he’s almost as good as me on a horse.” I could tell he was joking. I’ll bet Alex was just as good as Wade was. “Now we’re back in London, and having just as much fun.”

“His family doesn’t know you two are together, do they?”

“No,” he said, and I could sense the nervousness in his voice. “We’re going to deal with that as we go. He’s bisexual, and while he hasn’t said anything, I don’t think he wants to come out unless he knows we’re pretty serious.”

“He’s hedging his bets a bit, eh?”

“Maybe, but I understand. And since he’s moving in with me in Boston, it makes sense that we’d be so tight while we’re here in England. It hasn’t seemed to raise any eyebrows, at least not yet.”

“It sounds like everything is perfect,” I said.

“Almost everything,” he said. It sounded like he was walking away to get more privacy. “Sex has been a little boring.”

“How so?”

“Alex is really sweet, and really gentle. When we do anything, I can feel how much he cares about me, and how into me he is.” Wade was refined, a true patrician on the outside, but in bed, he really liked to be dominated. That had been a problem when I’d done that with him, and Matt hadn’t. I wondered if it would be a problem with Alex.

“Maybe things will get better as you get to know each other more,” I said.

“I think they will, but I’ll find out eventually,” he said cheerfully. “In the meantime, I’m happy.”

“I’m glad,” I said.

“I tried to help Matt understand that’s why I’m keeping my distance from him,” he said. “It’s almost like I have to keep this pure, and focus on Alex, so I can find out how it will be.”

“And you’re worried that Matt will awaken those desires in you,” I said, sounding like a trashy romance novel.

“It’s not quite that bad,” he said, annoyed that I made him sound like a crazed slut. “I owe it to Alex, and to myself, to find out if this will work for us.”

“It’s pretty ironic that I had to make the same basic calculation with a guy who’s last name was also Granger,” I joked, getting a chuckle from him.

“I’m not saying Alex isn’t fun,” Wade said. “He’s just not as passionate as Matt.”

“Maybe that just takes time,” I said.

“That’s why I’m taking things slowly. And while the sex part is a little less exciting, the rest of it is pretty amazing.”

“Could you be happy with him if sex was dull? Or rare?” I asked.

“I want to say yes, but I don’t know,” he admitted.

“Then it’s smart that you’re doing this at a more deliberate pace,” I said.

“Alex is a lot like me,” he said. “He likes things to be organized, and he likes there to be limited drama.”

“Then maybe like you, he’ll turn out to be one amazing lover.”

“Thanks,” he said. “How’s Matt?”

“This is tough on him, but I think you knew it would be.”

“I did,” he said, the guilt oozing out of him. “Part of me wants to call and check up on him, but the other part knows how this is bothering him, and I think he needs some time and distance from me.”

“I think you’re probably right,” I agreed.

“I don’t know if I handled that whole conversation with him very well.”

“Why?”

He sighed. “How do you tell someone you love them, and you want them in your life, but you’ve met someone else who you think is a perfect match?”

“Probably just how you did it,” I said. “Look Wade, there’s no way to make this easier. There’s nothing you could have said that would have made it better.”

“I could have gone to Paris with Matt, and we could have enjoyed our trip together, then I could have gone back to England, and to Alex,” he said.

“Yeah, but if you’d done that, you may not have made that connection with Alex. Matt will deal with this. Unless you were planning to maintain your relationship with him, there really wasn’t a better way.”

It sounded like he was walking further away. “I’m pretty conflicted about this. Alex is new and exciting, and we’re so good together. But I still love Matt.”

This was the incredible part of my friendship with Wade: how we could open up to each other, and trust each other. Even though Matt was my stepson, he trusted me to not be biased, and I wasn’t. He was clearly being pulled in two different directions, and the fact that the conflict seemed to stress him out so badly showed me how intense his feelings were for both Alex and Matt. “Wade, you know what Matt is like. You know what being with him is like. Now’s your chance to see what life is like with Alex.”

“I guess you’re right,” he said.

“You mind some unsolicited advice?”

“Not at all.”

“Take some time and enjoy Alex. I can hear how excited you are in your voice. It’s probably infatuation now, but that’s the seed that can grow into love.”

“I can see that,” he said, and almost sounded wistful.

“But you also need to remember that you run some risks here. You’ve cut Matt loose, and he’s not going to be lonely for long.”

“You’re right. That’s the risk I have to take,” he said, but sounded a bit apprehensive.

“And the other thing is that the guy you’ll be thinking about when you think of Matt is already gone.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, confused.

“The Matt of a year ago wouldn’t have handled your conversation with him in Paris like he did,” I said.

“No, he wouldn’t have,” Wade agreed.

“And the Matt of a year ago wouldn’t have told us we could still fuck around, if that was what made us happy.”

“True,” he said. “And the Matt of a year ago wouldn’t have called Alex after I left Paris to tell him that if he made me happy, he was behind us one hundred percent.”

“He did that?”

“He did,” Wade said. “I think that in life, we take chances, and have to hope things work out alright. That’s what we’re dealing with when we talk about this HIV threat, and that’s what I’m talking about when I pursue this deal with Alex.”

“I think you’re right,” I said.

“I’m a little worried about JJ, and how he’ll handle this,” he said, and he really sounded nervous now.

“You may want to coach Alex on how to deal with him,” I joked.

“I wish I knew enough to coach him,” he said. “I’m sure it will be fine.”

“I’m sure it will.” Both of us were dubious about that. “I’m sorry I woke you up. Apologize to Alex for me.”

“I will.”

“When you guys get to the States, maybe you can come down to New York and spend a weekend?”

“Will it be just the three of us?”

I chuckled. “I can drum up a date.”

“We’ll do that. Take care.”

“I will,” I said. We hung up, and I went to bed, but I didn’t sleep all that well. I felt like everyone was in limbo, including me. Would I ever get to a point in my life where I could find some stability? I thought of my family, and shook my head ruefully. Probably not.