Flux - 32. Chapter 32

July 20, 2002

Malibu, CA

Brad

“That was a great way to wake up,” I said to Kevin, even as I lay on the bed panting, having just had yet another amazing orgasm with him.

“I thought so too,” he said. He curled up next to me, fitting against me so perfectly it was hard to tell where he ended and I began. We lay there, enjoying the afterglow for a few minutes, savoring this time.

“So what do you have planned for today?” I asked. My mind began whirling, trying to think of things to do with him.

The change in his mood was really bizarre. As soon as I’d asked that, he’d gotten very tense, almost rigid. I didn’t think that was a controversial question; I was going to have to learn this new dating language. “I have some meetings,” he said, and made to get up. “Shit. Look at the time. I’m late.” Even the biggest moron would be able to tell that he was lying when he said that. He hurried into the bathroom, and I heard the shower running.

I stared after him, totally confused. This was really strange. I mean, if the sex had been bad, or sleazy, or just a one-night hook-up, I could see him getting weirded out, but none of that applied in this situation. We’d had amazing sex, and we’d been friends and lovers for a while now, and we were even related. I paused briefly to wonder if that’s why he was all upset, because we were related, but then I pushed that aside. That hadn’t bothered him before, and it wasn’t the kind of thing that would fester in his psyche and bother him now. Or at least I didn’t think it was. I sat in bed for about five minutes, wondering what the fuck his deal was, and then I shrugged and walked into the bathroom. I opened the door and walked into the shower, trying to make sure I didn’t let too much steam out. His back was to me, showing off his spectacular ass. Damn. “Did I offend you?”

He looked at me nervously. “No, you just made me focus on the reality of today.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Look, I can’t explain it to you right now, alright? Like I said, I’m already late.” His mood had changed from scared-shitless to bitchy pretty fucking fast. He got out of the shower, pushing past me.

My normal course of action was to follow him around and badger him until he told me what the problem was, but a strong dose of self-inflicted reality destroyed that plan. He was clearly trying to get the fuck out of here, and he was obviously trying to escape from me. There was no way he’d be willing to talk to me right now anyway. I leaned out of the shower and shouted to him: “Your keys are in my pants pocket!” I didn’t hear a response, so I sighed, and finished showering, taking my time. Just as I expected, when I was done showering he was gone.

I put on some shorts and a polo shirt, and then went down to eat breakfast. Stef was in the dining room, poking at his fruit and looking worried. “I will get you something to eat,” Rosa said, and vanished into the kitchen.

“Did you and Kevin have a fight?” Stef asked.

“I don’t know,” I said.

He actually laughed. “Now that is unusual for you. Your fights are such that you usually know when you are having one.” Only I didn’t laugh with him, and that shut him up pretty quickly.

“We had a great night. We had sex three times. Amazing sex. Mind bending sex,” I said, smiling at Stef.

“I cannot see how that is a bad thing,” Stef said, smiling back.

“Then this morning, after that third fuck, he just freaked out. Told me he was late for a meeting, and all but jumped out of bed,” I said, shaking my head.

“Did you say anything to him?”

“I asked him what his plans were today,” I said.

“Were you angry when you asked him?”

“No. I said it just like this.” I repeated the question just like I’d asked Kevin.

“I do not see how that should be upsetting,” he said, just as confused as I was.

“Maybe that’s some new term guys use and it’s got some horrible connotations,” I mused. “God, I feel old.”

He shook his head and chuckled. “It is difficult to tell. Maybe you should ask Matt or Wade.”

“I think I’ll just not worry about it,” I said. “This was supposed to be a fun, relaxing trip, and all I’m getting is weirdness. First Cody and now Kevin.”

“Perhaps we should go back to Escorial,” he suggested.

“Let’s stay here at least until tomorrow,” I said. “That way if Kevin wants to talk to me, I’ll be around.”

“Are you still going to invest in his company?”

“I owe him that; if for nothing else, for all the help he gave me in figuring out the deal with Omega,” I told him. That was back in early 2000, and I’d been in the fight of my life. I hadn’t known who was behind the assault on me and my family until Kevin had revealed it was my wicked stepmother. That had been the key to our victory over her, and the catalyst for our investment and success with Triton. And it was a big part of the reason why I was chasing after Oprah on the Forbes 400 list.

I wrote out a check for $400,000, and had it couriered over to Kevin, at the address on his budget. Then I went surfing.

July 21, 2002

Malibu, CA

“Have you heard from Kevin?” Stef asked me. We were eating out tonight, sampling a new French restaurant that had opened up in Santa Monica. And as if to fully appreciate our ambiance, we were speaking in French as well.

“I got a packet this morning with a thank you note, along with a certificate stating that I owned 200,000 shares of his company, which I assume is 20%.”

“This is very odd,” he said in a pondering way. “What is even more strange is that I have not been able to get in touch with Cody either.”

“He hasn’t returned your calls?” I asked, so stunned that I had to clarify what he was saying. Cody and Stef were tight, so that was surprising in and of itself. It was also surprising because Stef, like any mogul, had an ego and hated to be ignored. He still wielded enough power in Hollywood that, in addition to his wealth, he could make life very unpleasant for someone in that industry who had vexed him. Cody ignored Stef at his peril.

“He has not,” Stef said, the irritation in his voice apparent, even in French. “And I have left several messages.”

“I was going to ask you what you were doing tomorrow, but I’m afraid you’ll freak out,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“I evidently am not aware of the subtext that question implies, so I will simply take it at face value,” he said, making me chuckle. “I talked to JP. He thinks they will be leaving for Paris on the 24^th or the 25^th.”

“Are you going to meet them there?” We’d talked about it, but didn’t firm up our plans.

“I am,” he said. “Let us go to Paris tomorrow. We will beat them there, and we can spend some time enjoying the city.”

“Just the two of us,” I said, and gave him a loving look. “Why don’t we leave now?”

He looked at me, thought about it, and smiled. “You should get the plane ready.” We were using my Gulfstream, since JP had taken Stef’s Falcon. “I will notify my staff that we are leaving.”

I chuckled. His staff consisted of Julian and his bodyguard, a guy named Seth. We both focused on our phones, even as we tried to enjoy our food, while at the same time we managed to motivate everyone to leave. We went back to the house, packed, and three hours after I’d suggested we leave, we were on the plane, rocketing out of Van Nuys airport.

July 23, 2002

Bridgemont House, England

Matt

“Hello,” I said as I answered my phone. I’d already seen from the caller-ID that it was JP.

“Good morning,” he said cheerfully. “I called to discuss our trip to Paris.”

“What’s the plan?” I asked, matching his demeanor. It wasn’t faked. I was so ready to escape from here and go to France.

“Bradley and Stefan are already there,” he explained. “They arrived yesterday.”

“I didn’t think they planned to get here that soon,” I said. “Someone must miss you.”

“I prefer to think that is the reason,” he said airily, “but I fear that is only partially responsible.”

“So what possessed them?”

“There are several factors, but I think it would be best to delineate them on our flight to Paris. We are planning to leave tomorrow.”

“I’ll go track down Wade,” I told him. That wouldn’t be hard. All I had to do was track down Alex, and I’d find Wade.

Bridgemont House was what I pictured when I thought of an English country estate. It was a massive stone and brick edifice, situated on what must be hundreds of acres of land. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect here, but the atmosphere had been a strange combination of relaxed and formal. It was relaxed in the general attitude of everyone, including Alex, but formal in that we had to dress more nicely than we normally would. The decorum and etiquette at meals were analogous to a Sunday dinner at Escorial.

I strode out onto the terrace and looked out at the stables and paddock. This truly was a beautiful place, with rolling green hills and picturesque woods. It would be a nature paradise but for the distant man-made church spire to ruin the effect. I saw two people riding off in the distance, and as they got closer, I recognized that they were Wade and Alex. They were racing the horses back to the house, and as they got closer, I could make out their expressions as they laughed and smiled as they did. I watched them, trying not to be sad, as they rode the horses into the paddock and handed them off to the grooms. Up until we met Alex, this entire trip had been like a big romantic honeymoon for Wade and me. But from the moment we’d sat in the pub and had a late lunch until now, Wade and Alex had been completely focused on each other. It had gone from Wade and I being inseparable, to Wade and Alex being that connected. I felt like an unnecessary and unwanted appendage, not unlike I’d felt when I’d gone to Boston with Wade.

Alex had a girlfriend named Fiona, but she was evidently out of the country or doing something else, because she hadn’t been around. That hadn’t diminished Wade’s crush on him at all; if anything, it just made it stronger. I watched them interact with a friendly familiarity that was different than the masculine bravado I was used to. Wade was about as blue-blooded as you could get in the US, and it seemed like Alex was his British counterpart. They meshed together easily, effortlessly, with their flawless manners and their cultured backgrounds. I’m not a total boor, but when I was with them, I felt probably about as sophisticated as Wally and Clara felt when they were talking to JP. They had so much in common, and when they weren’t talking about horses, politics, society, or art and other cultural topics, they talked about Boston. And with each conversation, they both seemed more and more excited to be there. Together.

The two of them walked side by side up the steps, and were so engrossed in each other; they didn’t see me standing there until they almost ran into me. “Good morning,” Alex said in his friendly but polite way.

“Hey,” Wade said, smiling at me. In the past, he would have come up and put his arm around me, or given me some other physical sign that he was glad to see me, but he hadn’t done that since we’d left London either. It was as if he wanted to make it clear to Alex that we weren’t a couple. “I decided to get up early and go for a ride. Alex joined me.”

“It looked like fun,” I said, forcing myself to sound pleasant. “JP just called me.”

“Is he still in London?” Wade asked.

“He is, but Brad and Stef got to Paris a few days ago, so they’re planning to head over there tomorrow.” Wade was normally so reserved, but this was evidently such an unpleasant event, being ripped away from Alex and Bridgemont, that his disappointment broke through his shields. Alex picked up on it, not that it wasn’t obvious, but it was just one more irritant, showing how close they’d become.

“I wouldn’t want to interfere with your plans, but you’re both welcome to stay here. Personally, I find Bridgemont more enjoyable than Paris,” Alex said with a smile.

“Thanks for the invitation,” I said politely, “but I need to go to Paris.” It would be really nice if this guy were a bit of a dick, so I could hate him, but he wasn’t. He was polite and he treated me really well. If Wade wasn’t all but panting after him like a dog in heat, I’d find Alex to be a very likable guy. I kept waiting for him to screw up, but he didn’t. He was that good. As if to rub things in even more, Alex was perceptive, and seemed to sense that I wanted to talk to Wade alone.

“If you gentlemen will excuse me, I have a phone call to make,” Alex said.

“Certainly,” Wade said, almost mimicking his tone. I watched Alex walk away, noticing how his riding pants accentuated what a cute little ass he had. I was enjoying the view until I noticed that Wade was enjoying it more. He turned his attention back to me, as if it were a forced gesture. “Maybe we can stay here for a few more days?”

I smiled, hiding how disappointed I was. I knew that underneath this cheerfulness, my emotions and feelings were churning like a crashing Pacific wave, but Wade didn’t seem to get that. He was so out of tune with me, we’d lost that link, that ability to read each other. Or at least he did. I knew that there was probably nothing more important, at this point, than for me to escape from this place, and from Alex and Wade. If I didn’t, I’d end up letting Wade know how I felt, or worse, I’d end up saying something. Something I’d probably regret. “I feel obligated to continue this trip with JP, Will, and Zach,” I lied. Even through his shields, I could tell how much that annoyed Wade. More than anything, he didn’t want to leave. “I have an idea.”

“What?” he asked dubiously.

“Why don’t I go ahead and head to Paris, and you can spend a few more days here,” I said. “When you’re ready, you can join me in France.” I felt like I was standing at a fork in the road, where Wade could make one of two decisions. One would lead him away from me, and the other would bring us much closer.

“You sure you don’t mind?” he asked cheerfully. And with those five words, he’d chosen the other fork, the path that I wasn’t taking. Every step forward we took, from this moment, would draw us farther apart. I saw that with amazing clarity, but I wasn’t sure if Wade did.

Wade is almost always stoic, where it is impossible for anyone who doesn’t know him well to figure out what he’s thinking. I usually wasn’t able to come close to him in that regard; I usually wore my feelings on my sleeves. Ironically enough, this time those traits seemed totally reversed. I could read him so easily, and see exactly what was going on in his brain, but he seemed oblivious to my feelings. But of all the times for me to be calm and cool like him, this was one of the most important. Nothing would ruin our future relationship more than me acting jealous, and making a scene. I remembered Casey’s words about how I had to act with Wade: No drama. I locked down my emotions, and smiled. “Not at all.”

He smiled at me. “Thanks.”

“I should get going, to make sure I can make it back to London in time,” I said. I probably had time to spare, but I wanted to escape from here in the worst way.

“You go pack, and I’ll talk to Alex about the best way for you to go back,” Wade said, as if to hurry me along. He certainly was anxious to get rid of me.

“Sounds good.” I went up to our room and started packing up my things. I wondered if he’d come up here and give me a proper goodbye, even as I knew in my heart that wasn’t going to happen. I was right. Not that it mattered that much. Since we’d come out here to Bridgemont, sex had been pretty bland. Wade wasn’t putting himself into it, and it was more like just a release for both of us. I’m a sexual being, so that upset me probably as much as anything else, but I hid that too. I was pretty impressed with how well I’d controlled my moods, and I used that self-praise to prop up my damaged ego, and wounded feelings.

I could have left my bag in the room and had one of the servants drag it down for me, but I was more anxious than that to leave. I made it down the stairs and into the entry hall before one of the young men who worked there intervened.

“I’ll take that for you then, sir, and put it in the car,” he said politely.

“Thank you,” I said, and smiled at him. He wasn’t all that cute, but his accent made up for his lack of looks.

Wade and Alex came walking out into the entry hall. “You were fast,” Wade said.

“I don’t pack as well as you,” I said jovially.

“The fastest way to London is probably the train,” Alex said. “We’ll take you to the station.”

“Alex, you’ve already rolled out the red carpet for me,” I said. “Why don’t you just have someone drive me?”

“Are you sure?” Wade asked, and looked at me with a bit of concern. He was really close to figuring out how much this bothered me.

“Absolutely,” I said, using my best acting skills. “You don’t have much time here, so there’s no reason for you to waste it lugging me to the train station.” Before he could say anything, I turned to Alex. “Thank you very much for your hospitality.”

“It has been my pleasure,” he said. “I hope you will come back and visit.”

“I’ll do that,” I said, even though it was doubtful that I would. I gave Wade a very perfunctory kiss, although he’d probably write that off as me trying to avoid too much PDA. “I’ll see you in Paris in a few days.”

“Sounds good,” he said. I walked out front and Alex got the young man who had carried my bag to drive me to the train station. As we drove off, I paused to look out the back window, and saw Wade and Alex walking back toward the house, laughing. And happy. Alex had given off no signs that he was gay, or even bisexual, but there was an intimacy between him and Wade that was obvious to me, even if not to other people. As the car got farther from them, and they got smaller and smaller, I couldn’t help but think that I’d just watched my relationship with Wade change forever. I sat forward, forcing myself to put on my happy and stoic façade. Wade had said that we had an 80% chance of being together in five years. I’d just watched those odds plummet.

July 24, 2002

Paris

Brad

“You know, despite all the bad shit that has happened to me in this city, I still love it,” I said in a pleasant way, as Stef and I sat on the upper deck of our apartment. Stef had bought it when Robbie and I had come over here to work on our master’s degrees, and had opted to keep it despite our short stay. It had been handy to have. It really was a unique and wonderful residence. Located on the Ile de la Cite, it was actually three apartments in separate adjacent buildings that had been linked together by breaking down walls. It was spacious; something relatively rare for Paris, but this patio was the best part. It took up the roof of one of the buildings, and from it we had spectacular views of Paris. Looking one way, we could see Notre Dame and hear its loud bells when they pealed, and looking in the other direction we could see the Seine meandering down toward the Eiffel Tower.

“I feel the same way you do,” he said. “Perhaps we sometimes view cities like men.”

“Like men?”

“Yes,” he said smiling. “Perhaps the best ones come with some pain.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” I said dubiously. “If that’s the case, I think I’ll settle for the equivalent of San Jose.” That made him laugh.

“I doubt you will have to settle,” he said. “In this short period of time, you have managed to date some very interesting men.”

“I don’t want to think about Kevin,” I grumbled.

“I was thinking, instead, of Sean and Chris,” Stef said.

“Sean was fun, and it will be interesting to get to know him better,” I said. He was smart, cute, and a good fuck. “Chris isn’t really a relationship kind of guy, but he’s fun.” Chris Mendoza was a total wolf. He was also a total top. I’d refused to let him fuck me, but suddenly that had a lot more appeal.

“And attractive,” Stef said, raising an eyebrow. I was still too irritated about Kevin to want to talk about my various lame relationships with men, so I opted to change the subject.

“When do JP and his entourage arrive?”

“They are slated to get in later this morning,” he said, chuckling at my reference to his entourage.

“It sounded like they were having a good time,” I said. I talked to Will about every other day, and he was really upbeat, and in good spirits. “Will said Zach was pretty funny.”

“How so?”

“Will said his eyes were about to bulge out of their sockets the first few days they were there, as he took in a foreign city for the first time.”

“I suspect they will bulge even more when he arrives here,” Stef said, with his residual French arrogance.

“I suspect,” I agreed. “Everyone seems happy, like they’re doing well. It almost makes me nervous.”

He laughed. “We will see if they can remain on an even keel for the remainder of this trip.”

“How long are they planning to stay here?”

“My understanding is that they were planning to leave on Tuesday. That is the 30^th,” he said, as if I didn’t know that.

“Any particular reason?”

“Zach had promised Will he would spend the rest of July traveling with him. This will allow Zach to honor his promise to be back by then,” Stef said.

“I can’t see this relationship having a happy ending,” I said, referring to Will and Zach.

“I do not think that it matters what we think about it,” he said. “At this point, it will work for as long as it does, and then we will have to help Will cope with it when it does end.”

“Duh,” I said, imitating Will and making Stef chuckle.

“I think that the big test will come in a year, when Zach goes off to college. That is truly a transformational time, and I cannot imagine that Zach will not be absorbed into it.”

I nodded. “He’s a really good running back, and that means he’ll probably end up being pretty popular on whichever campus he ends up at.”

“I remember when Jeff first went to Northwestern. JP warned us all that he would go through this phase where he ignored us and focused on college life. Isidore and I were skeptical, but it turned out to be only too true. And even though JP knew it was coming, and knew what it would be like, he was devastated when it happened.”

“So what are you saying?” That was an interesting story, but I was looking for its relevance.

“I am saying that worrying about this, or trying to prepare Will for what may come, is a wasted effort.” I wanted to argue about that, to tell him that giving Will some warning may help him do better. “I would submit that if JP was aware of it, and was unable to handle the repercussions, it is unlikely that Will can do better.”

“You’re saying that Will at seventeen won’t succeed when the JP of twenty-seven couldn’t,” I mused. “Makes sense.”

Our conversation was interrupted by the sound of feet on the stairs to the deck. We looked expectantly at the door just as it opened and Will came bounding out, with a huge smile on his face. “Hey!” he said, and gave Stef and me big hugs. “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too,” I said, then greeted Zach in a less exuberant fashion.

JP emerged after that, because he went at a more deliberate pace. “We have arrived,” he said unnecessarily, making us chuckle.

“A fact I am most glad of,” Stef said, and gave him an affectionate kiss.

“Holy shit!” Zach said, as he looked out at the city. “This place is incredible!”

“Yep,” Will said.

“Where are Matt and Wade?” I asked.

“They are meeting us here,” JP said. “They had some problems getting back to London, so they just advised us to go ahead. I think they are flying here directly from some airport in northern England.”

“Let’s go see Paris!” Will said impulsively. Normally when we got here, we’d take a day to just adapt to the new time zone, but in this case, Stef and I had already worked through our jet lag. We were seasoned travelers. And JP, Will, and Zach had already been here for awhile, so being in Paris was no great time zone switch for them.

“I can do that,” I said.

“I think you should take the boys out,” Stef suggested to me. Will frowned at that, but Stef just looked at him, convincing him nonverbally. I paused to marvel at how good he was at doing that with Will. He clearly wanted to spend some time alone with JP.

I smiled. “Let’s go.”

July 24, 2002

France

Matt

I looked out the window of the TGV as we shot through the French countryside, because that’s how it felt: like I was in a bullet. Looking slightly ahead or behind the train, the speed wasn’t all that apparent, but staring directly out the window and watching the telephone poles, or whatever the fuck they were, fly by, you could tell we were going fast. The train, which was traveling at almost 200 mph, was smooth, really smooth, and quite different than the ninety minute ferry ride from Dover to Calais.

My eyes scanned the first class car, and I caught a guy looking at me. He was in his late twenties and wearing a suit, looking pretty hot. He smiled shyly and looked down, and it said something about my mood that I didn’t go over and talk to him. Or try to fuck him in the lavatory.

Alex’s driver had left me at the train station, and I’d gotten on the train to London, but I’d known that my mood was too melancholy to inflict on everyone else. And I knew that, with the way my relationship was with Wade, there really was no reason or excuse for me to be this bummed out. We were supposed to be friends with benefits; two guys who loved each other, but weren’t together. Alex fit perfectly into that. Wade was infatuated with him, and that was just fine. But he’d been jealous of Cam, so it was no great surprise that I was jealous about Alex, since I was a much more jealous guy than Wade.

I’d called JP and told him we were having problems getting back to London because I just wasn’t ready to deal with them, and to ruin their vacation. I’d told him ‘we’ were having problems getting back, because I didn’t want to explain that Wade was staying, and why. At least not then, and not on the phone. Instead, I decided to take the slow way to Paris, as opposed to flying. I took the train to Dover, stayed in a nondescript hotel, and then I’d gotten up this morning and boarded the ferry to Calais. That had been really cool, because I’d gotten a great view of those legendary white cliffs. What a great way to see them, and the rugged French coastline. From there, I’d gotten on the TGV train to Paris, and so I sat, trying desperately to cheer myself up before I met up with the rest of them.

The train slowed as it entered the Gare du Nord, and then finally stopped as it arrived. I slung my backpack over my shoulder, picked up my bag, and grabbed a taxi. I gave the driver the address and sat back to look at this beautiful city, hoping my luck here would be better than it had been in London.