New Kid In School - 22. Chapter 21: "The Sun And The Storm"

When I went to bed last night I was filled with defiance and stubbornness. I was ready to become a full blown rebel and spend the day with Ryan no matter what my father said. I wanted to make my stand, to show him that I was not to be bullied or pushed around anymore. But when the morning rolled around, some of that fire had left me, and the fear returned. I mean, this wasn't just some teen angst thing that I was attempting here to throw my weight around, this was outright disobedience. Who knew what my father would do to me, he barely kept from attacking me last night, from attacking Mom, I didn't want to push things any further than I had to with him. I had already promised Ryan that I would be there, and I couldn't break a promise to Ryan if I tried. But I was really playing with fire this time. With my mom, I would get a stern lecture, a harsh grounding, and a few extra chores around the house. My dad, on the other hand, wouldn't stand for it, and if I remember correctly, a 'merciful' beating was the best I could expect from him. I hated to live in fear like this all the time, but I must admit that it has made me cautious. Either way, I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend that day, just not risk too much in doing so.

I came up with a plan that morning. I knew my dad was going to pick me up after school to take me to wherever he had me going that day, so I had to be there. The plan was to go to Ryan's house when I left that morning, sneaking around the corner so my mom wouldn't see me, and then I could go in through his back door. We could spend a whole day in each other's arms, just him and me, together. Wow...that would be absolutely perfect. Then, right before it was time for school to let out, I could get up and go and just hang out in front of the school yard. Then my dad could come and pick me up so we could go wherever the hell he had planned to take me. Done deal, I could have my cake and eat it too. I really hoped that this all went according to plan. I knew that Ryan meant everything to me, but this could be serious if I slipped up. And there would be nothing he could do about it. Well, the day begins, here goes nothing.

I walked downstairs, dressed casually, nothing special, I didn't expect to be in my clothes much longer anyway. I went into the kitchen and saw my mother sitting there waiting, having her morning coffee. She was still in her bathrobe and slippers and she just seemed 'different' somehow. She just looked so brittle, fragile, like a delicate china doll that was ready to crack at any moment. I fixed myself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the table. It was a quiet breakfast as it had been over the past couple of days. I could feel her staring at me from time to time, watching, looking for signs, any signs. The idea use to terrify me beyond all comprehension, but lately I was starting to wonder how hard it would be to tell her. What if I just came out and said it? Right there at the breakfast table? Would it really be so bad? I mean, I knew she loved me, and I loved her. We had a good relationship, so it wasn't like she was going to throw me out of the house or anything. I wondered how she'd take it. Maybe she already knows how I feel, or maybe she suspects and is just waiting for me to confirm it all. It couldn't be that bad, I mean Ryan told his dad, and they worked it out. It was a bit weird at first, but his dad is learning, I'm sure my mom could too. I'd give anything to be able to tell her. To have her come home and see me and Ryan cuddled up on the couch, watching TV in each other's arms, and have her get all goofy and misty eyed like she did when she first saw my hickey. She could be proud of her son and the true love that he shared with his boyfriend. That would mean everything to me. But as I looked over at her again, I realized that now was not the time for that. I wanted to tell her, to get this giant weight off of my chest and just be open about it so I didn't have to sneak around anymore or pretend not to look when a hot guy walked by. But I knew that when I told her, I wanted it to be 'real'. I wanted to do so without fear, without shame, without guilt. I wanted to just sit her down, face to face, state my case like an adult, and just tell her that this is who I am. Maybe things would be weird, maybe she'd even freak out a little, but we could get past it, and move on. But like I said, now is not the time. I'll know when that time comes, it just isn't today.

"You got some messages yesterday." My mom said, suddenly breaking my concentration. Her voice was a bit scratchy and hazy, it must have been the first words that she had spoken since last night. He voice just wasn't awake yet. She got up and got the little yellow pad by the refrigerator. "Um...Jenny called to say hello, a boy named Ariel called to ask if you were going to the arcade again sometime soon, Jenny called again for some notes, someone named Alex called from the music store to tell you that your new cd came in, Jenny called again to see if you got her last two messages, and Chad called to ask your help with some math problem. Something about a shiny yellow bus going 75 miles an hour, whatever that means."

"Thanks, I'll probably talk to them today." I said. A weird collection of messages. Especially from Jenny, she hasn't called to say hello to me since the 6th grade. I think that maybe she was having a hard time in school lately. Maybe she just needed a friend and I was a familiar face in the crowd. We had been close when we were younger, maybe I should at least let her know I care. I mean what are friends for, right? My mom went back to being silent, and soon the whole thing got too uncomfortable for me to stay there. So I figured that it was time for me to put Operation: Randy's Day Of Love into effect. I started to get up and walk away, and my mom stopped me by holding on to my arm.

She didn't say anything for a few seconds, then she looked up at me with pleading eyes and said, "Randy...I know that you and your father don't get along...but....but he just wants to spend a little time with you, and then he'll go back home." Her voice was shaking a little, and it nearly drove me to tears to know that she was scared, for me, and for herself. "Meet him after school...okay honey? It's just one afternoon."

Why did a woman so gentle and kind have to endure something so terrible? The worst part was, she knew she was sending me off with a monster, but she knew the alternative could be worse, and it was a lose/lose situation no matter what. I felt the emotions well up inside of me, but held them back so she wouldn't worry. I walked over to give my mother a sweet kiss on her cheek. "I'll be there mom...I promise. I love you." Then I walked outside, thought about exactly what I was risking here, and then decided that Ryan was waiting for me. I'd be fine, I'll make it. I had this all planned out, and everything would be alright in the end. Ryan's love was just so important to me, and if he asked me to walk through fire to get to him, I would. So I lifted my head to enjoy the morning sun for a moment, and walked around the block to get to Ryan's back door.

I rang the bell, and Ryan was already in his kitchen eating a bowl of cereal in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. He had no shirt on and his teen chest was so smooth and tight. His hair was still a little messy from sleeping, and the strawberry blond locks were so cute as they stood up on his head. He was barefoot, and his legs were long and sleek. And that cute little belly button, oh God he was so sexy! He opened the door and just turned around to go back to his breakfast. No way was he getting off that easy. I wrapped my arms around his slim waist from behind and felt the smooth creamy flesh of his tender belly. I placed some gentle kisses on the back of his neck as he giggled happily, and I pressed my body close to his, his beautiful ass pushing itself out at me slightly. "Hehehe, well you're in an awfully good mood this morning loverboy." He said, still trying to move forward to the table.

"Where are you going? Come here." I said, playfully holding him back from the table.

"Hehehe what? I've gotta finish my breakfast before it gets all soggy." Ryan's smile was beyond erotic, especially after he had just woken up. He still had that sleepy look, and his voice was full of that sexy rasp that made him sound so cute to me. His body was still tender and warm from being under the covers all night, and his whole body just radiated this thermal pulse that you never wanted to let go of. He kept pulling to go closer to the table, but I was able to turn him around and look him in the eye. We stared at each other for a moment, a timeless moment, and then he kissed me. A long, deep, passionate kiss that made my head spin. My hands immediately moved down to the round globes of his ass, and squeezed them gently. The cotton material of his boxers slid back and forth across his ass and made it seem even softer than it had ever been before. We ground on each other for a second and then broke our kiss.

"Fruity Pebbles?" I said, tasting the sweetness of Ryan's mouth on the tip of my tongue.

"Yep." Then he kissed me quickly again. "Captain Crunch?" He grinned.

"You know it." Then we both giggled and kissed again, twirling and spinning around the kitchen slowly, an erotic waltz that took us both to a whole new level of 'togetherness'. That's when I realized what was happening here....he was moving us towards the breakfast table again! "Oh no you don't! You bastard!"

Ryan laughed out loud, his thin teen frame trembling against me. "Dude, come on! I'm hungry here. Just let me finish this real quick! Hehehe, c'mon, I'm almost done." We wrestled a little bit and I finally let him sit down to finish eating. But the game wasn't over yet. As soon as he started munching again, I slid down to the floor and crawled up to him on my hands and knees. I was slow and cat like, watching Ryan hungrily as I got closer, and he grinned at me as he watched me slide towards him. I was under the table now, and he giggled childishly, his mouth full of cereal, and he had to try to keep from spitting it out. I hesitated briefly, letting him sweat it out. He knew what I was up to, but he couldn't see me under the table, and making him wait for it was the best way of teasing him that I knew about. I moved a silent step closer, and I saw his smooth legs in front of me, his feet tapping the floor in anticipation. I blew a little hot air on his legs and he squirmed a little under the table. He shuddered and grinned as I moved ever so close to him, he tried to keep eating, but I kept him on edge. I stuck out my tongue and licked the inside of his right knee, making him twitch.

"Hehehe..you are freaky dude." He said, still trying to keep his cool long enough to eat. I didn't say a word, I just moved my head further in between his legs and continued to lick and gently suck the soft meat of the inside of his thighs. His legs squirmed even more and I could see his lovely cock begin to rise right in front of my eyes. I used my tongue to travel further up his legs and was now forcing my way under the legs of his boxers, and Ryan moaned, still trying to hurry up and finish his cereal. I could hear his spoon hitting the bowl with faster strokes now, and I knew he was getting REALLY hot REALLY fast.

Ryan's hot cock was now forcing its way upwards, and only one button kept it from being free. I crawled up even further, putting my head in his lap and wrapping my arms around his waist and the chair. He used one hand to push my head down a little, trying to stall me for another few seconds, but I was so horny at that moment that I wouldn't let him go, I wouldn't be denied this delicious morning treat. I held on and reached out with my tongue again, going through the hole in his boxers, just under the button, and started licking him around the tip of his engorged shaft. His stomach was tightening up and it was making him sigh and whimper above me while he frantically tried to eat the rest of his food! I buried my face in his crotch, and finally got my tongue to go all the way down to his balls, licking the round nuggets furiously as my hands came back to rub the tops of his thighs. Ryan's legs shook, his cute little ass wiggled back and forth in the chair, and I could tell that he just couldn't wait to get me upstairs. If he didn't take me right here in the kitchen that is.

I was so overcome with a combination of raw teen lust and unconditional love, that I thought my heart would explode from the excitement being pumped through it. I tried desperately to get my whole face into his boxers and when I didn't think I could take anymore, I undid the button and watched his cock spring out of it. I sucked him all in and ravaged his stiff member with all the suction I possessed, making Ryan spasm wildly at the table. I heard him drop his spoon and pick it up again, whispering, "Oh Jesus!" But I didn't want him to lose it yet, not quite yet. So I pulled off of him, and then jammed my face against his smooth stomach, licking around the inside of his belly button. Ryan was pushing his groin up into my chest, trying to get some relief for his aching cock, but I denied him the pleasure, and continued to travel upwards. I made a wet trail up his rigid abdomen to his pecs, and I began to suck and nibble heartily at his right nipple. Ryan was almost insane with passion at this point as I crawled up his body from under the table. "Dude...dude....Randy...I'm...I'm almost done man. Almost there baby..." He whispered breathlessly. "All I need to do is get rid of the milk, that's it. Okay? Can I do that baby? Huh?" He asked. I nodded quickly. Whatever it took, just to get him out of this kitchen and into bed. Then, while I was still licking at his nipples and ready to grab a hold of his swollen member, I felt him lift the bowl from the table, and very slowly....POUR IT DOWN MY BACK!!!

"Ahhh! What the hell?" I gasped as the icy cold milk ran down my back and chilled me to the bone! I could only sit there for a moment with my mouth open as I felt my body shiver from the surprise. Ryan, after emptying the entire bowl on me, the last little bit being poured on my head, laughed at me hysterically and he didn't even try to hold it in. "You son of a bitch!" I said, giggling at the shock of having a bowl of milk dumped on me in the heat of the moment. He scooted back a little and I grabbed him by the leg as he tried to run away. I pulled him to the floor and as he tried to drag himself out of my grasp, I grabbed a hold of his boxers and yanked them down to his ankles. I moved up his body and the two of us struggled while I positioned myself on top of his beautifully naked body. I almost felt bad covering him up. A body like Ryan's should be out in the open for everyone to see, a perfect teenage specimen if ever I saw one. I crawled up until we were face to face, and I shook the milk out of my light brown hair, letting the droplets rain down on to his face.

"NO! NO! Okay, okay, I'm sorry! You're getting me all wet!" He shouted, laughing so hard that we both nearly bounced around on the floor. Then, suddenly, we both stopped, at the same time. I looked down into his face, his angelic face, and I fell into the deep hazel brilliance of his eyes. God, why couldn't you have given us words to describe a love that defied eternity like ours did. I felt this heart bursting feeling of need for Ryan at that moment, and I could see the same look in his eyes. I leaned forward just a bit, and another drop of milk dripped off of my hair and fell into his eye. He giggled and wiped it away, before reaching both hands up to grab me by the ears, and he said, "I really love you kid. Thanks for coming over today."

"I'd spend forever with you Ryan." I said, the love getting so strong that I almost began to cry. And seeing me tear up started Ryan going and before we became a pair of sobbing kids on the floor, we moved in for a deep kiss on the kitchen floor. My tongue rolled around his and the two of us rolled back and forth on that floor for a half hour or more, never wanting to break that timeless kiss, that moment, not even to go upstairs and have sex. For some reason, the kiss was enough. Then, finally, when had to come up for air in order to survive, Ryan grabbed the front of my pants and whispered, "C'mon...I want to taste you all day long." And we got up to go to his room. I watched his ass move in front of me as we went up the stairs, wonderfully naked, incredibly smooth. The way it hypnotically bounced playfully in front of me caused me to reach out and grab it halfway up the flight. He stopped and I just had this uncontrollable urge to press my face against it, to feel the cool flesh of his ripe cheeks against me, to lick and taste every inch of him. And I did just that, I moved forward and rubbed my face back and forth against the soft flesh, and I let my nose fall into the crack. I had never thought about licking an ass before, but at that moment, nothing seemed more erotic. I closed my eyes and felt Ryan lie down on the steps in front of me as I teased his ass by rubbing my cheeks against it hard. I let it intoxicate me, the slight aroma of his last shower filling my nostrils with the clean smell of soap. I kissed the soft cheeks and savored the sleek texture of his flesh. I cautiously stuck out my tongue and licked the silky surface of his buttocks, wetting the cheeks all over, and Ryan moaned in appreciation. He began gyrating his hips up and down, wanting so much more but not pushing me to go forward. I had to use my hands to help me, and I grabbed the tender mounds and kneaded them graciously. I spread them, and experimentally allowed my tongue to fall into his crack, running up and down his tight cleft. Some of the jitters left me, and a dizzying lust took over. I began to lick him harder and harder, and finally, I travelled further down and tasted the sweetness of his taut pucker. Ryan nearly screamed and he gripped the stairs hard as he fought to keep from spasming out of control. His body became rigid as he gently trembled from the sensations, and I licked faster, forcing my tongue into his hole and rubbing my hands all over his bubbled cheeks. Ryan couldn't take anymore and he arched his back, pushing back on me, trying to get more of me inside. I was overcome with passion, and I pushed my face against his ass as he pushed back on me, I couldn't get enough. It had almost become a struggle between us on that staircase, and I wrapped my arms around the front of him, hugging him tightly and getting more of his curvaceous ass to cradle my face. It was so wild.

"Oh God! Randy! Fuck me! Please, now, RIGHT now!" He pleaded, he was desperate for relief and so was I. We didn't even make it upstairs, I just stripped off my pants right there on the steps and mounted him. It was hard to position myself with him wriggling so impatiently under me, but we managed to get everything in the right place. I was already at the edge of a thunderous orgasm, and I almost lost it when I felt my cockhead touch the constricted ring of his beautiful slick asshole.

The second I made contact, Ryan quickly pushed back on me and I entered him halfway in. He gasped a little, and I said, "Dude, that HAD to hurt." I giggled a little at Ryan's eagerness. He smiled and agreed a bit, but it didn't stop him from pushing back even more. I entered him, wow he was so tight. He was like, virgin tight, and the heat was amazing. He slid all the way down until I had all 6 inches buried in him and I was about to let go any second. Ryan and I then leaned forward on the steps and I whispered 'lover's words' in his ear as I began to grind into him. I kissed the back of his neck and smelled the sweet scent of his tattered hair. Ohhhh he felt so good. I tried to completely cover him, letting as much of my body touch his as I possible could. That drove him wild, and he began wiggling under me like crazy, almost lifting me off the stairs. I began to piston into his hot anus and we moaned and whined feverishly until I began t feel the intense build up of energy flow through my body. It was coming fast, and it took my senses over, forcing me to run on pure emotion and animal instinct. Ryan pushed back on me again and without even touching himself, he came spurt after spurt of juice all over the carpeted stairs. I reached under him to catch some of the jets on my hand, and lifted it to my mouth, licking the sweet nectar off of my fingertips. The tangy flavor of my lover's cum brought me over the edge and I cried out as I thrust deeply into him and came hard in his moist insides. My body twitched and spamed and I knew that sex couldn't be any more spectacular than it was between the two of us. I couldn't move for almost five minutes after that, and we laid side by side on the stairs, trying to catch our breath. We sighed together, wrapped in each others arms, and all the tension left my body. Ryan wrapped an arm around me and I nuzzled my face into his neck, just happy to be close to somebody.

"Hey Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"These stairs...they're REALLY uncomfortable man."

"I know, but I wasn't going to say anything if you weren't." He said. A smile broke out on his face and we finally dragged ourselves upstairs to lay in his bed for a while. We spread out on his sheets for a while, his arm across my stomach, his head on my chest. And we talked for a while. It was just so beautiful to lie naked with Ryan in my arms. It made me forget about everything bad in my life, and he just turned the whole world upside down for me. He threw a leg over me and we made out for a little while, then talked, then made out again, then talked, then had more sex, and believe it or not, after all of that we still didn't run out of things to talk about. I could honestly stay in bed with him all day...if I wasn't so hungry that is.

"What've you got to eat downstairs?" I asked him.

"Nothing but more cereal. You want it?" He grinned.

"No thanks, I had enough of your cereal poured down my back this morning."

"Oh man, yeah, we really did make a mess of the place, didn't we?" We walked down stairs and saw a stain on the carpet, clothes on the stairs, a pair of boxers on the floor, and a puddle of milk in the kitchen. Not too bad of a clean up job, but one that needed to be done. We didn't want any 'evidence' showing up when his dad got back. He was cool with us dating, but we weren't so sure about the sex issue. We spent about ten to fifteen minutes picking up and I asked Ryan if he wanted to go out to eat while he was scrubbing the stains out of the carpeted staircase. "Yeah, why not? We can go to that little burger joint a few blocks over."

"Sounds good to me." I remembered to keep my eye on the clock. If this whole plan with my dad was going to come together I had better make sure I was at the school by 3:30, or else. We walked the few blocks to the burger place, and I looked over and noticed how quickly it had taken Ryan to get his hair perfect again. The angels themselves must have spun his hair out of some undefinable blond silk or something. His hazel eyes turned green in the afternoon sun, and I couldn't help but stare into them as we walked. Sometimes I swear I saw something different in him every single day, some odd little quirk that just made him so cute to me. Isn't love grand?

We got there and sat in a booth, our waitress was a large woman with red hair who just looked like the poster girl for every greasy spoon joint in America. She seemed sweet though. "What'll it be fellas?"

Ryan and I both ordered double cheeseburgers, and when she asked if we wanted grilled onions we both shouted, "NO onions." at the same time. Making us giggle to ourselves as she walked away confused. As we waited for our food, I looked over at Ryan and was instantly captured by his looks again. But this time it was deeper, it wasn't only his pretty boy face, it was his heart, his humor, his youthful charm....everything was just so....so...well defined in him. There was so much pain and death and suffering in the world, but the fact that this same screwed up planet could produce someone so undeniably beautiful inside and out made it all bearable. And he loved ME. I thought about that for a moment as I stared at him. He was talking, but I was in a dreamworld all my own. I thought about our ay together, watching him sleep in the hotel room, seeing him in that hospital bed, my surprise birthday party, and the smile on his face the very first time he said hello to me in history class...and the memory made me realize how much I really did love him. We had been through so much, and even when we were apart, we were still 'connected' somehow. I then thought about the day before when he said he loved me. When he REALLY said he loved me, in that cafeteria, and how I pulled away from him. I thought about the other kids and my mom and my dad...and in that moment, none of them mattered. Any kind of teasing or freaking out or threatening would ever change how I felt about my teen angel, and it was at that moment that I found my courage.

The waitress brought over the burgers, but before she walked away I stopped her. "Wait a second, can you stay here for a minute, I want to say something." Ryan looked up at me with a strange look, but I knew that I had to do this. I owed that to him, I owed that to myself. "Ryan......I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I always want to be with you. No matter what happens between us, you will always be in my heart. Always." Ryan's eyes widened out of shock, and so did our waitress'. The table got silent for a second, and Ryan teared up. He let a stray tear fall from his eye and he grabbed my hands on top of the table, right there in front of everybody, not that the place was that full.

"I love you too Randy. I love you too." And we sat there all misty eyed for a moment.

Our waitress looked down at the two of us and said, "Um....okay. Can I go now?" We both laughed a little and let her get back to her other tables.

"Geez Randy, you don't know what this means to me."

"Yes I do. Because I know what it means to me, and you deserve to get all the love in return that you've ever given me." I said, still holding his hands. It just felt so comfortable.

"But next time, do it someplace else ya dork! Geez, we only live a couple a blocks away from here you know?" He grinned. We let go of each other's hands and wiped the tears from our eyes. There was just something so special about our time together. Whatever happens to him or to me, we'll always be together, that was a fact.

A few minutes later the waitress came back over, and sat two giant milkshakes in front of us with three cherries on top. Ryan looked up and said, "Um...sorry, we didn't order these."

"I know," She said, "I did. Two extra thick shakes, on the house. Need a little something to celebrate our little lovebirds here. Congratulations fellas." Then she winked at us and walked away.

"THANKS!!!" We shouted at her. We looked at each other with a giant smile, full of surprise. We couldn't believe it! Maybe everyone wasn't as bad as we thought. Maybe there WERE people who understood, who were willing to accept. We were just filled with such an incredible energy at that moment. We were shaking, happy, and seeing Ryan's eyes sparkle with the same excitement made me feel like a million bucks. We gobbled our milkshakes down and left her an extra generous tip before starting our way out. We said goodbye to her, and she looked at us with the same misty eyed look my mom had given me. For the first time, I felt proud to have somebody know that Ryan was mine. And I was his. And we walked out of the place arm in arm, showing off what we had and other people wish they did. Take that society!

We practically skipped home that day, so happy to be together as we got closer to his house. But as we started down the street, we saw the door to Tyler's house open. We looked over to see Sam walk out and Tyler was right behind him. I started to wave to them, but Ryan stopped me, making me look closer. They had been crying...a lot. Sam walked out to get his bike, and he turned to hug Tyler tightly. They held that hug for a long time, and Tyler looked as though he had just lost his soul. He was obviously heartbroken, and we guessed that Sam and Matt had made their decision...and it didn't include Tyler. He was actually crying out loud as Sam got on his bike and rode away, and we naturally had to go over to see if we could help.

As soon as he saw us coming, he turned his back to us so we couldn't see his face. He was trying to get himself together enough to stop crying, but it just wasn't working. "Tyler?" I asked, "Is everything okay? Can we help?"

I laid my hand on Tyler's shoulder and he pulled away from me. He stared at me, angrily, then at Ryan, then back to me. It looked like he hated me, hated both of us, because of what we had together. Then, without another word, he just turned and walked away. We called out to him as he walked back to the front door, "Tyler, please, we just want to help." But he went inside and slammed the door in our faces. Then we heard some more noise coming from inside, like he was throwing a full blown tantrum, and the only thing we could do was let him work it out the best way he knew how. It hurt to leave him alone, especially now, but I knew there was nothing I could do to make the pain go away. I had been there before, it just has to die out on its own.

Ryan and I went back to his house and settled down in his room. We were still close, and huddling together to enjoy each other's company, but we were hardly in the mood for much more. Tyler had been a part of us for so long, that any pain in his life was a pain in our lives. I wanted so badly to go over and hold him, to tell him that we still loved him and that he'd be okay. But I knew that he once was in love with me, probably still was to some degree, and he wouldn't want to hear it. Not from me. It would just remind him of someone else he couldn't have. What did Tyler do to get such a bad deal in the love department? He was so gorgeous, so sweet, and caring, and kind...he deserves to be in love more than anybody. I felt so bad for him, but Tyler always seemed to bounce back, he'd be alright. And I'll be there for him until he found his soul mate. I was sure of it.

Ryan and I talked it out for a while, occasionally exchanging a few sweet kisses here and there, but nothing major, and then while watching afternoon cartoons...we both....soon....fell.......asleep.

When I opened my eyes, the TV was still glowing, and the room had gone dark from the setting sun. I took a second to regain my senses, and suddenly realized that it was dark outside! DARK!!!! I looked at my watch and it was 6:45! OMIGOD!!!!

"NO!!! OH SHIT! OHHHHH SHIT!!!!" I said, my stomach fluttering and a fear taking me over so terrifying that tears almost came to my eyes! I had messed up! I ditched my dad again, and this time he'd hit me for sure! I jumped up from the bed and started putting my shoes on frantically! Ryan was still half asleep and asked me what the matter was. "Don't worry about it dude, okay? I've gotta go!"

"Are...are you sure? Randy you're scaring me here. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine! Really. Look, I've gotta go." I said, trying to calm myself enough to ease his mind. Then I walked over and kissed him on the lips one last time. "Thank you Ryan. You've given me so much in my life, and you will always be a part of me. I love you, don't ever forget that, okay? I'll always be with you, no matter what."

The words shook him a little bit, but he let me go anyway. I flew out of his house top speed. I knew this was going to be bad, no matter how I looked at it. My dad would be angry, furious, but what could he do? I mean I'm 16 years old for crying out loud. I'm a little old for spankings now, and if he got too rough, he could go to jail. No problems. I'll just stand my ground. I'm almost 18 dammit, a full grown adult, I'm tired of him putting his hands on me, tired of him manhandling mom. I'm not scared of him anymore. I'll just go in, say I'm sorry, and that'll be that. The worst he could do is shout some harmless insults at me and go home. I could live with that, I hate him anyway.

I walked up to the house, and saw my dad's car parked in the back this time, crookedly, like he had driven there in a hurry. I tried to keep my confidence, I really did, but with every step towards the door, I felt my legs shake and my stomach twist. This was it, the showdown I had been trying to avoid all along. I stopped three steps from the door, too frightened to reach out for the knob, I almost had tears in my eyes, but I fought them back and tried to put on a brave face. The second my dad smelled fear he was sure to attack like a pit bull. So I swallowed hard, said a quick silent prayer, and opened the door.

My dad was sitting on the couch in the living room, my mother was sitting in a chair across from him, her cheeks red and swollen from crying. When her eyes met mine, her lips began to quiver as she held back more crocodile tears. This might be even worse then I thought. My dad gave me a look that was harsh, but eerily calm when he saw me standing there. The room was deathly silent, and I looked back and forth between him and my mom.

"Sit down Randy." He said, still maintaining that frightening calm appearance. It was like he was going to pop any minute, and whatever courage I had was gone.

"Dad...I can explain...."

"SIT DOWN!" He said getting up from the chair quickly. My mom got up too and pleaded with him to stop.

"Randall please. He said he could explain." She said with teary eyes, but he pointed a stern finger at her and she sat back down, too scared to disobey him at this point. Maybe she did it to save me. Or maybe he just had this paralyzing control over us both. Either way, whatever plans I had were gone now. I was completely helpless....and he knew it.

He walked over to me, and tightly gripped my arm, flinging me down to the couch. "I told you to meet me after school today, I thought I made that very clear. And yet when I get there, you're nowhere to be seen....again." He said through clenched teeth. The fury in his eyes was unimaginable, and he stared right through me. I tried to look away, but he didn't let me. He kept saying, "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" It was as if he could tell how much his eyes scared me. And terror is exactly what he wanted to inflict on me. Hold it together Randy, it'll all be over soon.

"I tried to meet you but..." But he interrupted me.

"NO! Don't you DARE lie to me boy! I walked into that school, and you know what? Your last period teacher said she hadn't seen you today. In fact...ALL of your teachers said they hadn't seen you today. Now...your mother here tells me she saw you off to school this morning, so, where did you go?"

"I...I..." I was stuck for words. The truth would get a beating, a lie would get an even worse beating, not that I could think one up at that moment. I was too scared to think at all. I looked down to the floor, trying to keep myself from crying.

He walked over to me and grabbed my jaw hard with one hand, snapping my head back upwards, "LOOK AT ME!!! Where were you?" It hurt, I could feel the inside of my cheeks being ground against my teeth, and when I realized how helpless I was, my tears poured out of me in buckets. No one could help me, no one could save me, and even if they could, who would I ask? How would I ask?

"Dad....I'm sorry. Please, I'm really sorry." I sobbed.

"You're SORRY? No...fucking worthless is what you are! Worthless, and pathetic, and stupid, and ungrateful. I took care of you for eleven years, and you can't come and spend one day with your old man? And so help me, so help me God...if I find out you ditched school to hang out with that pretty boy fag boyfriend of yours I'll skin you alive! And then I'll send you away where you won't have to worry about him anymore. And THEN, I might just pay him a visit too and see just what he's made of!" How could he do this to me? I'm his son for Christ's sake. This isn't how it's supposed to be! What happened to all those happy fathers and family values they show you on TV? Where's the love that THEY show for their flesh and blood? Why me? What did I do so wrong to deserve this? Be born? If so, then I'm sorry! God I'm so sorry! If that's all I did to deserve this treatment, this agony, this everlasting hatred and abuse, then I'd gladly take it back!

"Randall, stop this! You're hurting him." My mom shouted, and he quickly let me go to stare her down. I was crying to hard to hear what was really going on, but they were shouting and cursing and my whole reality seemed to turn into the stuff of nightmares. I was confused, hurt, I couldn't tell what was happening for a moment. But I heard my mother cry out and when I looked up he was pushing her into the kitchen. I got up, as though it wasn't even me reacting to it, and I grabbed my dad's arm.

"Stop it! Leave her alone!" But before the words had left my mouth all the way, a backhand had knocked me to the floor. The salty tinge of blood swept over my tongue as the sting faded away from my face. I couldn't believe this was happening. I reverted back to a time when I was ten years old, and thought that I simply deserved whatever my father gave me. But not anymore.

I heard them struggling, and the second I heard a slap cross my mother's face I rushed at my father and practically jumped on his back trying to stop him. I knew I couldn't win, there was no way that I could possibly ever beat him, but I had to try, for my mom...and for me. However, my dad was quick to throw me off of him and grabbed me by the arm, yanking it down hard and causing a sharp pain to shoot through my entire body. Then he slammed me against the back door before opening it. "GET OUT!!! YOU SON OF A BITCH, GET THE FUCK OUT!!!" He shouted. The screen door was still there and latched shut, but he suddenly didn't care anymore. He threw me up against it hard and as my back hit the door I heard the sound of breaking glass behind me. I held on to the door frame, but h actually took his foot and pushed me through it. I felt stray shards of glass cut and slice me on my way through, one particularly large piece cutting me deeply on my right arm, and finally I was too weak to hold on. I fell back and my head hit the back porch with a sickening thud.

The whole world seemed to get quiet after that. No other sounds really except for my dad's car speeding off and my own heartbeat. I was laying on a bed of broken glass, blood covered my face, my arms. I felt the warm drip of it as my mother rushed to me and lifted my head. Nothing seemed real, everything moved in slow motion, and I could faintly hear my mother crying out above me, asking for help, telling me I'd be okay. My eyes were rolling back into my head, and I thought about things, little things. About Tyler, about Sam and Matt, about Ariel, about my mom, and most of all about Ryan. They had all crossed my mind, and I couldn't focus on them for much longer. I was sure how much time had passed, as I laid there in my mother's arms, but the last thing I heard before I blacked out, was the siren of an ambulance approaching the house. I'd be okay...I just....just...needed some....sleep.

When I went to bed last night, I was filled with defiance and stubbornness. Now...I wished I had made a different choice.