New Kid In School - 24. Chapter 23: "Love's Many Angels"

I woke up late with the sun shining brightly through the hospital window. I could only vaguely remember a smiling nurse picking Wilson up out of my bed in the middle of the night and taking him back to his room. I was really sad to see him go, but too tired to really protest at the time. Besides, the kid was fast asleep, a limp rag doll in the nurse's arms. Such a sweet boy, that Wilson. I'll have to say goodbye before I leave this afternoon.

I sat up and rubbed the 'sand' out of my eyes, still trying to focus. It was strange, but I think I'd actually look FORWARD to going back to school the next day! Even though I'd probably end up ditching and complaining a week later. But hey, I'm a teenager, what did you expect? Just another few hours and I could go home. Home to Ryan. I was filled with an incredible tremor of anticipation that had me on pins and needles for the rest of the morning. I had been awake for a good hour or two when Ariel came tapping at the door. "Come on in dude."

"You sure? I can come back...later if you want." He said just above a whisper.

"No way, come on in." I said, and I waited good until he was inside the room before saying, "But close the door, man. I'm totally naked under the covers!" It was evil I know, but it was always so heartwarming to see Ariel's bashful smile. I don't know what was cuter, the smile itself, or the fact that he would try so hard to hide it.

Naturally, Ariel blushed a deep red and turned his back to me while he let out a few shy giggles. "Oh...oh man....you're kidding....right? You're totally kidding...oh my gosh! You're not...really...you know...awww man..." He said, grinning happily. I couldn't help but laugh myself. Ariel's shy guy routine never failed to put a smile on my face. After a few minutes he got enough courage to turn around and look me in the eye, and then he sat next to me. "So..I hear you're coming home today?"

"Yeah, they're finally gonna let me out of this place. I can't wait to get back to normal again. Which reminds me, what are you doing out of school?"

"Hehehe, I didn't go. I came to see you instead." He smiled.

"Awww, thank you Ariel. But geez, you're getting as bad as the rest of us, I don't want you to get in any trouble."

"No, really, it's okay. I was happy to do it." Ariel's face turned a little more serious, and for the first time he held eye contact with me for more than a split second. "You know Randy...I really couldn't sleep all that much...knowing that you were in here. I couldn't bare to think of you in any pain. Um..." And he just trailed off for a second. It was going to hurt, I knew that from the very beginning, but if there was ever a time to tell Ariel how I felt, about him, and about Ryan, it was now. I could only hope and pray that he could get over it and we could be friends again someday. Dammit! The very LAST thing I ever wanted to do was hurt Ariel, he was just so in love I didn't have the heart to tell him. Okay, there was a moment of silence, and it was beginning to get a little uncomfortable, so I figured it was now or never. "Ariel...buddy? Look...there's....sort of...'something' that I've been meaning to tell you. And PLEASE understand dude, I should have said something a long time ago, but I was so scared of what would happen. I just wanted us to be friends you know? I didn't want to ruin what we had between us."

Ariel grabbed me by the hand and said, "I know...and I felt that way too. But I really wanted to tell you something also. I shouldn't have held it back. I tried and I tried and I tried, but the words just wouldn't come out right."

No, no, NO! He's falling even deeper, that's not what I want. Come on Randy, quit beating around the bush and just SAY it. His heart will mend, at least I'll be honest. I'll start with the easy stuff first. "Um...first of all Ariel, I'm...sorta...into guys. Like...as in...gay." There, I said it, mission one accomplished. Message delivered. And it's true, it really does get easier to say with every time.

Ariel's eyes flashed with surprise and he smiled widely at the fact that I told him. "I know." He giggled. "I kinda got that info from Matt by mistake. And I think it's great. I'm so honored that you told me though! Wow!" He squeezed my hand even harder, and I could see his heart beating visibly through his shirt, his tiny frame shaking with every pulse. His eyes were wet, his cheeks blushing on and off, and his voice was shaky. So he DID know. That's what was giving him this little burst of confidence in telling me how he feels. He knew I was gay, half the battle had been won. Looking at him now, he was so nervous, but happily so. A boyish smile was still decorating his face, and he was just waiting to hear the words. God...this was going to make us BOTH feel like shit for a long time to come. Okay Randy, here goes man, just do it. He'll forgive you, just do it. This is Ariel here, one of your best friends, we got through this with before, we can do it again. "Ariel...listen..." I started, but I just didn't know how to say it. There was no way of putting it nicely, of softening the blow. It was going to be so incredibly hurtful to see that charming grin fade away before my very eyes. Okay, easy Randy...easy does it. "You know...when Ryan first came to our school...he transferred into my class...and we became friends like right away. He was just so cool and we hit it off and......and, later...well..we...you see..."

Before I could finish, a happy knock came at the door, and Wilson invited himself in. As soon as he saw me, he walked right over to give me a big hug, and hopped up on the bed. He looked over at Ariel, who was quiet as always, shy even around a ten year old boy, and flashed him a happy grin. "HI!" I'm Wilson!"

"...hey...." Ariel whispered, and turned his eyes back to the floor.

"This is one of my little neighbors in the hospital. He comes to visit me once in a while."

"Are you leaving me today?" He whined. He gave me one of the saddest puppy dog looks I'd ever seen on a child, and I couldn't help but sit up and give him another hug.

"Yeah buddy, I've gotta run back home now and get out of this place. BUT, I'll tell you what."

"What?" He said excitedly, his feet swinging as he widened his eyes.

"I'm going to come see you before I leave, and I'm going to give you my phone number and address so you can call or write whenever you want to. Okay?"

"WOW! Cool! I'll write you everyday, and call twice a day too! No, three times! You're my bestest friend!" Geez, didn't expect the kid to take to me so easily. I almost felt bad thinking about all of his other friends suddenly being pushed aside for little old me. He was such an adorable little angel, how could I say no. But the next words to come out of his mouth I could've done without. "Hey, you're cute too! Are you Ryan?" He said to Ariel.

"Huh....what?" I wasn't sure if he really heard Wilson or not, but I knew that this little slip of the tongue could make things very bad over the next few minutes.

Think Randy...think! THINK! No time to make up a decent lie, maybe I can just change the subject. "No, no, that's not Ryan. This is my best friend Ariel. Why don't you tell him how you got that scar on your leg, huh?" It was worth a shot, but trying to get Wilson's mind off of something was as simple as moving an entire ocean one teaspoon at a time.

"I got it on my skateboard. So, you're not Ryan? When do I get to meet Ryan? I want to see what your boyfriend looks like!" He said it, he actually said it. Out loud, in front of Ariel! Arrrgh! There was no taking it back, no pretending it didn't happen, my cover had been blown.

I looked over at Ariel, and I saw in his eyes the growing realization that the prize he had been chasing for so long, was somebody elses property. I saw his face change as he thought about what I was trying to tell him, about the hickey that magically appeared on my neck, about me and Ryan being so close, about us always hanging out together, eating lunch together, and I saw him put 2 and 2 together. There was nothing left for him to do, but bare the pain of his heart breaking into a million pieces. He was speechless, destroyed, as though his very purpose in life, his one and only dream, had suddenly been sucked right out of him. He was trying to be 'normal', but a pain like that was WAY too much to hide. It took a few minutes for to get Wilson back to his room without making him feel unwanted. Wilson never even noticed the sudden shift of emotion that had taken over the room at that moment, so he chatted along merrily while getting little to no response from me. Even adding things like, "When I see Ryan, I want you guys to French kiss and touch each other and stuff! That would be cool!" Hearing that made Ariel EXTREMELY uncomfortable, and the way he cringed from that statement I was almost sure he would just get up and leave. He was in so much pain, visibly so. I never should have let it get this out of hand. I never should have let him fall so hard for me. I suppose Wilson had finally said all he had to say, and got up to leave, but not before making me promise four times to come see him before I left. And with a happy grin, he disappeared back into the hospital halls. The little blond whirlwind that he was, had just gotten our whole little affair out in the open. I guess the hardest part was yet to come.

Ariel slumped back into his chair, not knowing what to say for a few minutes. The smile was completely gone from his face, he looked like he had never smiled before, or worse...that he'd never smile again. He wasn't going to cry, he wasn't even close. He wasn't sad, or angry, just blank. I couldn't read any emotion at all. And he just sat there, looking downward, counting the tiles in the floor. It was as if he wasn't even TRYING to come up with something to say. So I started the 'peace talks' first, hoping to make him feel better about the whole thing. "You know...I was going to tell you. I meant to tell you a long time ago."

Nothing. He just continued to sit there, this time, a stray tear fell from his eye, and he made no attempt to wipe it away without me seeing it. "Ariel...I never meant to hurt you, okay? I just...I wasn't sure how to say it. Can we please still be friends?"

"What? Oh...yeah, sure. Hehehe, dude, don't worry about it." He said, wiping his face clean. He flashed me a fake grin and attempted to be strong. "Yeah, you and Ryan...I knew about that already. Matt kind of let that slip too. But...um...I probably would have figured it out anyway, you know? You two are always...'together'....you make a cute couple, the two of you." I knew he was lying, but as I saw him stand up, I figured I wouldn't press anything right now. He needed some time, that's all. I hope.

"Ariel, I still want you in my life. I know that this isn't what you were expecting, but..."

"No, Randy, don't apologize. I completely understand. You've got someone who loves you very much and you feel the same. There's no reason for you to be sorry about that. Best of luck, I hope it lasts forever." He said. He must have been an expert at fighting back tears, because not a single one of them dropped, no matter how much water welled up in his eyes. Then he paused for a second and said, "What? Ohhh...you don't think that I was...that I liked you or anything, do you? Oh no...that's...that's not for me. You think I'd be stupid enough to like somebody who loved somebody else? No way........not me." His breathing was getting short, and I knew he would blow at any minute. And he must've known that too, so he grabbed his stuff and said, "Well...I just wanted to stop in and say hello. I'm glad you're feeling better. Like I said, I couldn't sleep knowing..." He cut himself off to choke back a sob, then he just turned around and walked quickly to the door. He was breaking my heart here, I felt like such a jerk for making him hurt so much. "Well, I should get 'some' school in today. I'll see you later...buddy." And with another slight gasp, he walked out.

I sat in that hospital bed for the rest of the morning, thinking about Ariel crying on the bus on his way home, or feeling down, or feeling dumb for ever falling into this little trap. He'd never speak to me again, I was almost sure of it. Just something in the way he said 'buddy' that let me know how much it disgusted him to refer to me that way. It's so hard to find love in this world. Especially when you're gay and not 'out' in the open. To find someone who you can TRULY love with all your heart, and have it returned, AND have them live close to you, AND have something in common with them, AND be their best friend...is so rare. But to have it taken away is devastating. When Ryan and I first broke up, I cried all the time. It was an emptiness that I wouldn't wish on anybody. Poor Ariel...I'll try to talk to him again soon. I really don't want to lose him as a friend. Not that it's my choice if I did or didn't.

My mother came to help me gather my stuff to go home later on, and before I left, I paid Wilson one last visit just like I promised. He seemed really sad to see me go, but after a few REALLY tight hugs from him, he cheered up. A little anyway. "Here's my number and address, okay? You can write me as soon as you get out of here and feel better." I smiled. The look of joy on his face was priceless. Geez, I remember that age. You just love everything, and you don't worry about money or sex or looks or any of the other superficial things in the world. As long as you have friends and a daily dose of attention, everything comes up roses.

"THANKS RANDY!!! I'll call you everyday!"

"You don't have to call me EVERY day..."

"But I WANT to, and I will! I promise!"

"Hehehehe, okay bud. Sounds great. And I'm sure your friend will come and take one last chance to visit you before you're gone. If not...give him a big kick in the butt for me. Okay?"

"Okay! I will!" He laughed, and I walked away. It was weird, but he had actually become a little brother to me in that place. It only took a few nights, and I felt closer to him than I ever thought possible. It was a heartwarming experience. I really hated to see him go.

In the car on the way home, my mom seemed unnaturally quiet again. It was just getting harder and harder to figure her out. I wasn't sure what was bothering her so. The ordeal was over, in fact it was all a blur for the most part. I was willing to move forward, it wasn't that big a deal. At least that's what I thought until I got home. I walked into the kitchen to get a soda, and there it was, right in front of me. Our screen door, taped up with paper over the hole. That tiny hole that my own father pushed me through...not with his hands, but with his foot. A dog deserves better. It was at that moment that everything came back to me. The screams, the tears, the struggle, all of it, crystal clear. All up to the point where I had blacked out in my mother's arms. I was still scared, still shaking. My mother walked in behind me and caught me staring at the damage we had caused. I looked over at her and tried to pretend I wasn't looking, but after a few seconds of silence, she walked up behind me and gave me a loving hug. I could feel her crying over my shoulder, and I couldn't help but sob myself. We held each other in that kitchen for what seemed like an eternity, and then she wiped her eyes clean and sat me down at the table.

"Randy...listen to me..." She held my hand in hers and squeezed it firmly as she spoke. She looked me 'directly' in the eye, so she could make everything perfectly clear. "Your father...he's...he ran far away Randy. He hasn't been found yet." Then she swallowed hard and said, "I told them Randy. I told the police everything. Everything that we've had to live through. Every threat, every beating, every example of abuse that he's ever inflicted upon us. And they're going to find him, Randy, I know they will."

We talked for a looong time that night. Into the wee hours even. About the past, and more importantly about the future. Was it over? I doubted it. Problems never really go away, they just step aside while more problems take center stage for a while. What did it matter? If he went to jail, would it give me my life back? Would it heal the wounds on the inside? Would it even pay for this damn broken screen door? No. But I honestly wondered if somewhere, somehow, he was sorry for what he had done. If he was scared because he thought he had really hurt me, or just scared of being caught. I wondered if he even gave a damn. Maybe he did, and maybe he was somewhere hiding out, thinking about how he hurt me and crying himself to sleep in some cheap motel cross country. I was beginning to think it was even more satisfying knowing that he had to live with the fact that people were looking for him, looking to put him away, looking to punish him for what he did. I 'WANTED' him to live with that everlasting fear. The fear that at any time I could make his life as miserable as he made mine. That same fear that I've lived with for 16 years. Never knowing when I was going to slip up, when I was going to be punished, when I was going to be able to stop looking over my shoulder. It made me rest easy to know that HE was the one who was afraid now, and that was as close a justice as I could imagine that would fit the crime. It's HIS burden now. Who needs him?

As we stayed up and talked, my mom and I became ten times closer than we ever had before. She made us some grilled cheese sandwiches like she did when I was still a kid. I couldn't help but smile when she suggested it, a big boyish grin that let her know that I was always going to be her little boy at heart. And that night we actually went to bed laughing. It had been so long since I had actually seen her laugh. It's funny, but when you're a teenager, you really take your parents for granted sometimes. I spent so much time trying to get away from her, and yet it was so much of a comfort to know that she was there. I considered telling her that night how I felt about Ryan, but the procrastinator in me cheated me out of it. It wasn't so much a fear anymore, just a conversation I wanted to have later. Everything was so perfect at that moment, why ruin it by telling her my dirty little secret? Geez, how did Ryan do it?

"G'night mom." I said as she practically tucked me in.

"Sleep well, babe." She kissed me on the forehead and ruffled my hair a little. I know I was 16, but it felt good to be 'mothered' every now and then.

"So mom? Since we've been all close and everything...why don't you call me in sick, and let me have the day off tomorrow?"

"I'm thinking, no." She said with a smile. Funny, she had kept me up all night, and now she was telling me to get a few hours of sleep before shoving me off to school. Hehehehe, now THAT's the kind of parent I had always intended to be!

I woke up the next morning in my own bed, almost surprised to not be staring at the blank white walls of my hospital room. I got dressed in everything but a shirt, and went to the bathroom mirror to give myself a once over. It seemed the bathroom mirror had basically become my meditating tool. My one and only method of figuring out who I am in this world. How many times have I stared at it, through it even, and contemplated the many philosophical odds and ends of life. Then again there were times when I just wanted to check out my own ass. I think this was an ass morning. Yep...still there. I wonder if Ryan thinks it's cute. I mean it's not bad I guess, I've seen better. Now that one kid in my gym class, HE'S got a nice ass. Mine's just kind of plain. I just think too much.

As I turned to put on my short sleeved shirt, I looked down to see a long scar on my right arm. The one where the glass had sliced into me. It didn't really hurt, but it was odd seeing it there. Like growing another arm or something. It was a part of me that wasn't there before, and it looked big enough for me to be telling people about it for years to come. I was sure half the people in school knew I was in the hospital by now, and I was sure to have to answer some questions. After hearing Wilson's reaction to my 'falling down the stairs' story, I figured the best thing to tell them was that somebody from another school beat me up. Maybe five somebodies! Yeah, that way I come out looking like a tough guy. Or not. Whatever, let them think what they want. Sigh...same brown hair, same slim waist, same 6 inch dick, same so-so ass. The only thing different about my reflection was the scar. One of these days I'm going to enjoy doing this every morning with Ryan standing behind me. Just the two of us, staring in this mirror together.

The fantasies I had about us always seemed so incredibly real, and yet not logical. On my way to school I pictured me and Ryan just laying around the house half naked all day, looking dreamy and lustful, just waiting for another kiss, another hug, another touch. In my dreams, we never had a job to go to, we never got old, we never had any bills, and yet we lived peacefully in this giant house overlooking the lake or something. Hahaha! Now that I think about it, I suppose it IS a bit "Barbie-ish". I got to my first period class and Ryan was waiting outside the classroom for me. He looked so happy to see me back in school, his smile almost blinded me.

"Welcome back..." He said bashfully. I brushed the hair out of my eyes and flashed a sexy smile back at him. He tried to look away, but I knew I had him trapped, and in a public place to boot. I saw him move his book bag in front of him to cover a growing erection, signaling my own to jump a little, and he blushed as we both giggled to ourselves. We had both gone a few days without any 'attention'...so we were sure to see each other after school. But it appeared that Ryan couldn't wait that long, as it was only ten minutes into the class period before he was passing me notes and asking me to meet him in our 'private bathroom' down the hall. I could feel myself turning red, and tried to hold out for as long as I could, after all, the bathroom was kind of a risky place for us to be fooling around. But he passed one note after another, since he sat directly behind me, each one begging and pleading for me to follow him. On one of them he drew a picture of a sad clown face crying, and a speech bubble that said "I NEED my tootsie roll! Pleeeeeease?" Awwwww...it was sooo cute! I started to laugh a little bit, and he knew he was getting to me. He moved his foot forward to gently rub it up against my leg, and I nearly exploded. I couldn't believe none of the other kids was noticing this. It was like being in one of those Freddy Krueger movies where no one else is paying attention to you. Ryan continued to tease me, and then he leaned forward to softly breathe on the back of my neck. I felt a huge sexual energy coarse through my body, and I closed my eyes as his sweet breath rustled gently through my hair. I felt my erection grow to it's full length in the middle of class, and I tried to push my knees up to the bottom of the desk to hide it. And after another five minutes of this, he passed me another note so explicit, so lustfully erotic, that I wouldn't dare repeat it. Let's just say that it was he straw that broke the camel's back, and after reading that I would have agreed to ANYTHING!!!

He left first, almost grinning as he asked our teacher for a pass, and I had to wait for 'Little Randy' to calm down a bit before I could get up from my desk. That seemed to take forever. My hard on just did NOT want to go down at all. Every time it would start to fade away, I'd think of Ryan waiting for me in that bathroom, ready to attack me full on, and I'd get stiff again. I tried to concentrate on something else, but that note stayed with me, ohhhhh the sweet things he said he'd do to me. Sighhh....I tried to think of something else, anything else. But as the minutes ticked by, I thought about Ryan getting impatient in that room, waiting anxiously to jump on me, being teased by the fact that I was making him wait. Making him beg. Finally, I just took my chances and grabbed my history book to cover myself as I went over to ask for a pass to go.

My teacher looked down over his glasses at me, and then asked, "Do you need a book to go to the bathroom, Mr. Stephens?"

"I could be a while. Might need something to read."

"Your history book?"

"I love history sir. It's my life." I'm surprised I was able to say it with a straight face, but he didn't give me any problems and let me go.

"If you see Ryan in the halls somewhere, send him back to class, will you? Tell him he can serenade the ladies on his own time." He said, looking back into his books.

"Sure thing." Ha! If only he knew. I practically raced down the hallway to the bathroom and sure enough, Ryan was almost ready to take himself in hand and start without me. "Sorry it took me so long..." I couldn't even finish. Ryan grabbed me by the waist harshly and kissed me hard, making me dizzy and weak. I dropped my book to the floor and returned the favor, our lips becoming one as our love mixed between us. I snaked my arms weakly around his neck, letting my elbows rest gently on his soft shoulders, my hands getting tangled in his silken hair. He smelled soooo good, so fresh and tastey. God, his kiss was so heavenly. It had the ability to take me away from everything and just bring me an indescribable feeling of peace. His tongue swirled around mine, and it seemed like he had gone without sex for years. You would have thought this was his first day out of prison! He spun me around and around, and it was hard for me to keep up after his head start a minute ago. He pressed me up against the wall and began grinding into me as hard as he could, I reached down to grab his firm ass cheeks and pulled him in even tighter as our tongue kissing became more and more violent. He had to come up for air, and he began to lick and suck at my neck, the both of us moving quickly, unable to control our animal desire. This was getting really hot, maybe too hot. Didn't want to get caught, so I tried to pull back a little. Which is harder than you think when you're pressed against a bathroom wall.

"Wait..wait..." I tried, but Ryan kissed me again. He certainly knew how to shut me up when he wanted to.

"God..'kiss'...I missed you...'kiss'...missed you so...'kiss'...much...mmmm..." He could hardly talk between kisses, and he wanted me sooo bad, it was almost impossible to say no. "I need you Randy...now...I want you..." The desperation in his voice was making me so hot!

"No, we can't do this now...what if we get caught...?" He didn't listen, he just grunted a little, and kept his lips locked to mine as he pushed me towards one of the stalls. I'd seen Ryan hot and bothered before, but this time he was a complete animal. He turned me around and hugged me tightly from behind as he fumbled with the zipper on my pants. He continued to kiss me hard all over, my neck, my cheeks, my shoulders, and his hands were shaking so badly that he could hardly get my pants open. Finally, he was able to reach in and pull out my leaking member, pointing it downward towards the toilet. Not the most romantic place for one of our little sessions, but being there with Ryan made it beautiful. He pushed himself into my ass, rolling his hips in small circles and bringing himself close to orgasm himself. He began to stroke me fast, and it was the first sexual touch I had felt in days. His velvety soft hands worked up and down my hard on with such grace, such knowledge of it's every detail, such care and attention and love. I was gasping for air, my head leaning back on Ryan's shoulder as he kissed my neck desperately, moaning and whimpering softly in my ear. He pushed into me again and again, driving the both of us wild, and I wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. I was so close, so full of sex, that my whole family could have come into that bathroom and I wouldn't have stopped. I 'couldn't' stop...not now.

My breathing got harder and harder, and I could feel the orgasm build up inside of me, my stomach muscles tightening up almost to the point of cramping. I had to hold on to the sides of the stall to balance myself, and Ryan could sense how close I was. "Oh yeah, yeah...I know...I know baby, I know." He whispered in my ear, knowing that I was at the point of no return. His thrusts into me got more frenzied, and I was worried he was going to cream himself if he wasn't careful, but it was me he was worried about at that moment. I leaned forward as my toes curled and I got ready to shoot, but he leaned forward with me and licked at my earlobe, sucking it into his hungry mouth. He whimpered loudly and the vibes tickled my ear, finally freeing me from that maddening build up before release. I came, over and over and over again, the long stringy spurts landing in front of me as I held back from crying out loud. My legs went numb and I would have dropped down to my knees and doubled over if Ryan didn't have my tool in hand. I had to hold my breath to keep from screaming, and as I felt Ryan humping me harder and harder from behind, I knew he wasn't going to be able to stop until he was done. He was still stroking me the whole time, and my sensitive head was pulsating with every touch. I was completely breathless. He went faster and moaned out in a cherished boy-like whimper that was beyond adorable. I would have gladly turned around and taken it all down for him, swallowing every drop of evidence, but he wasn't about to stop, not even for a second. He pushed and pumped quickly, until he moaned out loud, tightening his lips to muffle the sound, and I could feel his delicious cock expanding in his pants. He was breathing so hard that the sound echoed off of the walls. He came hard and crushed my frail teen body against him as he continued to grind hard into me. He just held me for a few minutes, a joyous tear in his eye, the both of us panting and shimmering with a thin layer of sweat, and we finally were able to separate ourselves enough to think clearly again.

Ryan cleaned up as best as he could, but it was obvious that he was going to have to change before someone saw the stain. He had a study hall coming up, he said he could do it then, and he kissed me a few more hundred times before we left the bathroom. It took almost a half hour for my heartbeat to return to normal, and even afterwards, my love kept me on a high all day long. And I really mean that. I've never had sex at school before! Hehehehe, it kinda made the rest of the day seem so...pretty! I was just glowing all day, smiling and grinning to myself for no reason, thinking of Ryan and getting all fuzzy inside, writing 'I love you Ryan' in my notebook...it was like having a crush on somebody I already loved. It was silly, but I felt like skipping through the halls for the rest of the afternoon. Every time I saw Ryan that day, we wouldn't say anything, we would just blush and giggle and hope that nobody caught on as to why. It was great.

Ryan didn't get a chance to go home for study hall, got caught up doing some last minute homework, so he had to take off during lunch hour. He offered me the chance to come with him between snickers, but I knew that going home with Ryan in the middle of the day would most certainly insure another 'personal vacation' from school. So he went by himself.

It was weird, but I had been sitting at our usual table, eating for about twenty minutes, and no one showed up. I was just sitting there alone, with nobody to talk to at all. Ryan was taking care of his little mess. Sam and Matt were probably afraid of running into Tyler, Tyler was probably afraid of running into Sam and Matt, and Ariel certainly wasn't in the mood to see me and Ryan together, I'm sure. Geez, how could so much go wrong at once? That's just life I suppose.

The day moved on, and it didn't seem so dull after my little 'sexperience' that morning. I was almost ready to go to my last class when Jenny met me in the halls. She was so happy to see me that it was downright frightening. She gave me a big hug and I couldn't help but laugh. "Hehehehe, well what's THIS for?"

"I heard you were in the hospital Randy! Omigod, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a few bruises and all. Nothing to worry about really. Don't sweat it."

"Don't sweat it? Are you kidding? What happened? Geez Randy, take care of yourself. I don't want to lose you ya goonie!" 'Goonie'....wow, she hasn't called me that since we were little. I remember my mom taking her along when we went to see that movie. We loved it so much, we were exploring the neighborhood and jumping over fences and off of back porches for weeks. I didn't really expect her to be so concerned though. Maybe she really did need a good friend. Maybe I'll eat lunch with her one of these days before all this weirdness clears up. Sweetheart that she is, I'd have a really good time. It wouldn't take long for us to get to know each other again, we always had that instant connection thing going. It might actually be fun.

We talked for as long as we could, and went our separate ways. But before she left she turned to say, "I hope to see you soon. Okay?" And she waited for an answer before turning around. Weird.

I came home to see Ryan waiting for me on my front porch, a playful grin plastered on his face. Looks like he was ready to go again, and as I walked closer and heard him whistling the tootsie roll song to himself, I knew it for sure. We walked over to his house, trying to whistle the happy tune, but it's hard to whistle and smile at the same time. We must have just looked so goofy together, but sometimes that's what young love is all about.

It had only been a quick run up the stairs before Ryan and I both had our mouths full, and we had sex even more times than usual that afternoon. We never got enough. It was just our way of saying I love you over and over again. It was the only way we knew that could do our feelings justice. But putting it into words is impossible. And, as enjoyable as it is to try, there's no way for us to physically mimic the feelings we held inside. It was so much deeper, so much stronger than sex could ever allow us to experience. Who knows...maybe in the future they'll invent some kind of emotional gizmo that'll make it possible. Until then, lots and lots and LOTS of sex will just have to do! Darn.

I was naturally surprised when Ryan looked over at me afterwards and said, "You know what you are Randy? You're a slut!"

I was too shocked to even laugh. "WHAT??? You've got some nerve Mr. Pass Me A Note!"

"Hehehehe, well you didn't HAVE to go."

"After what you told me in that note, I was DYING to go."

"Yep, and that's what makes you a slut! Hehehehe, slut! S-L-U-T! They say Denise in school is a slut, but she's no Randy, let me tell you." I playfully socked him in the arm and we burst out into a fit of laughter. It was so cool, the two of us laying there in just our underwear, giggling happily and catching up on the last few days. Just a touch from him was more joy than I could ever ask for. He would be lightly running his hands up and down my stomach while he talked, and neither one of us would even notice. We would sometimes get hard while just sitting there, and he would occasionally reach down to play with it a little, but we didn't have sex again, he would just fondle it, and eventually I would get comfortable enough to let it go limp again in his hands. Like I said, it's hard for me to explain it, but it was oh so real. Just like in my fantasies.

"Oh, that reminds me..." Ryan said, as he sprang out of bed. Now Ryan, HE had a nice ass! All perky and tight, perfectly round and with the cutest little shape to it. A beautiful pair of dimples in the side, a rosey pink pucker, and the cutest hint of a tan line I had ever seen on anyone. I just stared at it through his boxers as he walked around the room. Then I looked at the smooth muscles of his back and shoulders, then down to the silken hairs n his long sleek legs. My mouth was watering for another taste of him. He sat back down on the bed with his backpack, and I inhaled his heavenly scent. Wow...is it possible for anyone to be this sexy at all times? "Check out what I got yesterday!" I looked at the note in his hand, and it was an invitation of some sort. One of those little handwritten ones, obviously done by a girl, because it was too neat and didn't have any dirty pictures drawn on it. Plus it was pink, that's usually a good giveaway.

"Looks like an invitation to some girl's party this weekend." I said.

"Of course it is, stupid! But look at this...it's a 'make out party'! You know what that means..." He said, and started making kissy faces at me. I couldn't hold back anymore and started kissing him right away, making him laugh and back off a bit. "Sorry, hehehe, I forgot how much of a slut you are!" He laughed. "Seriously though, it's invitation only, so that means somebody's really got their eye on me."

Like EVERY girl and half the closet cases in school didn't already have their eye on him. Sometimes it was so cute, because he really didn't seem to understand how utterly gorgeous he was. "Yeah well...why would you want to go to something like that anyway? It's just some shallow kid's attempt at being popular and trying to make out with people that they'll probably dump a week later anyway. Besides, who needs it?" I said. I already had my make out partner for life right in front of me. Besides, I had never kissed a girl before, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. But Ryan seemed excited about it. He's so lucky, he get's invited to everything. What does this guy see in me anyway? "And another thing, parties like this are just trouble. It's a gossip thing. I wouldn't be caught dead at one of those things. They might as well just call it Venereal Disease Fest '99."

Ryan showed me a bright smile and just looked at me for a second before kissing me on the cheek. Then he whispered in my ear, "Then...um...I guess you want me to just throw YOUR invitation in the trash, huh?"

"Huh??? What??? 'I' got an invitation? No way! Lemme see!" I said reaching out for the other paper in his hand, but he held it back from me.

"Oh no Randy, that's ok, I'll throw it away for you! Don't worry about it." He said as I reached and grabbed at it frantically.

"Just...let me SEE it!"

"Nah, these things are shallow, for gossipers and popular kids. You wouldn't be caught DEAD at this thing!" He grinned as I wrapped myself around him. Our eyes met, and we paused for a second. He brought his arms down slowly and handed it to me, placing an angel's kiss sweetly on my lips.

We had a small moment, but anticipation got the best of me and I opened up the letter to see my name 'in print' so to speak. There it was, Randy Stephens, in big letters! They actually wanted me to come...to a make out party! Wow! I've never been invited to one before, this was so cool. "What do I do? What do I wear?"

"I thought you weren't going?"

"OF COURSE I'm going! It'll be awesome! We'll both go! Who do I say yes to? Do I have to...um...RSVP or something?"

Ryan laughed at me a little and said, "Dude, just show up, okay? And whatever you wear, I'm sure it'll be sexy." He smiled, hugging me again. "But don't you go picking up a girlfriend. We're a two man show, you know."

"Same to you!" I replied, and then kissed him quickly again before getting dressed. "You know...if I thought we could, I'd go with you...and ONLY you."

That comment seemed to make Ryan blush a little, and he draped himself over my shoulders as I put on my shoes. "Do you really have to go? My dad won't be home for another half hour yet. Can't you stay for a little bit longer?"

"I don't know...do you promise to be good?" I asked.

"I swear."

"Psh! Forget it then!"

"Hahahaha....SLUT!" And as he leaned me back to kiss me again, I found out yet again how pointless it was to even 'try' to get dressed around Ryan. And once more, we used our bodies to say I love you.

I was getting one of the best nights of sleep I had ever had that night. It's funny how an entire afternoon of sex just makes your whole body just feel light and tingly and tension free. Sighhhh...it was great. I was resting peacefully when I heard a noise at my window in the middle of the night. I was a bit groggy, and had to wipe the sleep out of my eyes before seeing a dark figure climbing into my room. I switched on the light, and saw Tyler creeping in to see me. "Tyler? Dude, what are you doing here?"

"Randy, I really needed to talk to you."

Oh no, not again! "Tyler...we already had this discussion. This isn't going to happen, why can't you just leave it at that?"

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not here for that!" He said. I was a little embarrassed at what I was thinking, but when he sat down on the bed and smiled impishly my way at my instant accusation, I felt a little more at ease.

But the smile didn't last long, and he got serious all of the sudden. "Randy...I couldn't sleep. Look, I know that this isn't necessarily your problem, but I could really use someone to talk to right now."

"Sure dude. You know I'm here for you Ty, always."

Tyler looked downwards and he said, "I'm still in love, Randy."

"What do you mean?"

"With Sam and Matt...I'm still in love with the both of them. I thought that maybe I could move on, that I could just be myself for a while without having to deal with this pain anymore, but I can't. It's still there. Just because they have each other, it doesn't mean that I don't love them. That's what hurts the most. If I could just let go of them, I'd be fine...but I can't Randy. I think of them all the time, and it hurts more than you can ever imagine." Tyler said, then he said something that made me pull back a little bit. "And when I'm not thinking of them, I'm thinking of you. Actually, I've been thinking about you a lot lately."

"Oh..." I said, being on my guard.

"Sigh....I'm sorry. That's not fair. Please, don't get weird on me or anything and I promise not to either. Okay? I know that makes you feel uncomfortable, but it's the truth. Don't worry though, I'm beyond making passes at you anymore. For now anyway...but if Ryan ever ends up moving to Alaska...I'll be tapping on your window EVERY night." He said, trying to grin a little to comfort me. I relaxed a bit, but I'd be lying if I said that I was any less attracted to Tyler than I was when I fell for him the first time, and that constantly kept me on guard. But that was all over now. I just hoped he understood that.

"Well, I hate to say it dude, but you've got to let go of that pain eventually. Sam and Matt still want to be your friends Tyler, they told me so. It's just a bit weird right now, that's all."

"Tell me about it."

"I know it hurts, but if you keep sulking about it like this, you're gonna let a really great guy walk right past you. I want you to be happy dude, and I want us all to be friends again, like we used to be. You'll find the boy of your dreams, I'm sure of it. You can have your pick of anybody you want." Tyler looked at me with sarcasm and I corrected myself, "Okay...ALMOST anybody. It's just a matter of knowing what you want."

"I want...I want love, Randy. Not sex, or someone who just worships the ground I walk on, or some silly crush. I want someone to talk with, someone who will listen, pay me special attention. I want somebody who knows what I'm thinking, who will share an umbrella with me in the rain. I want all the things that you have with Ryan. I don't think that's so much to ask. I want somebody who I can make as happy as they make me. That would mean everything to me. I'd gladly give up everything I own if I thought it meant finding true love for once in my life." He began to tear up a little and despite my fears of bringing back any of his old feelings, I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a big hug. He held me tight, and sobbed over my shoulder, letting out all of the pain he had suffered through since he moved here. And we held that embrace as two long lost friends would, the way my mother and I had done in the kitchen that night. And afterwards, I spent the rest of the night laying next to Tyler in my bed, the two of us staring at the ceiling and talking about life and love until sunrise. And he never made a single advance on me, not once. We just chit chatted, laughed, cried, and rambled on for hours. It was funny, but as close as we were, even when we were 'together', we never really just sat and talked like that before. It definitely brought a whole new angle to how I saw Tyler as a person. When he finally climbed back out of that window, he seemed to feel a lot better, and I knew that we were better friends for it. Tyler never ceases to amaze me. I really hope he finds that dreamy guy he's looking for someday. And soon.

Now, only three days left until the make out party...gotta make sure I'll be ready!