The Art of Being Gay - 14. All Knees and Elbows

All Knees and Elbows

“So, what are you and Chad doing for Thanksgiving?” Madeline asked. She took the purple sucker out of her mouth and waved it at Roy.

“We’re having Peterson and Wes over and those rugby players are coming…” Roy paused and looked at her with surprise. “What do you mean by that?”

“Exactly what it sounded like,” she said, grinning at him in triumph. “I know you two are together now.”

“We’re not together, together,” he stuttered. “We’re buds. You know that.”

Madeline winked at him. “Uh huh,” she said. “Is that why you’ve been dancing through the store this past week? Is it because you and Chad are ‘just good friends’?” She threw back her head and laughed at him.

“You really are a witch,” Roy grunted. “How did you know?”

“Told you. You have that look about you. I haven’t seen you this happy in years, if ever. You wear Chad well, my friend. He wears you well too.” With that, the infuriating woman walked from his office and closed the door quietly behind her.

Roy sat back and considered her words. He didn’t think he looked any different, at least on the outside. He felt very different on the inside, though. Was it that apparent? Sometimes you can tell when someone has changed. Their behavior is completely different. They will be more likely to forgive a comment or offer a happy exchange of words. Many times when people changed, their actions seemed to portray their inner thoughts.

He was being so careful, afraid it would cause a problem in the store. Roy had been trying hard to make sure his actions and demeanor weren’t seen by his employees. They would immediately target Chad and try to use it to manipulate their own positions. He’d seen it before. That’s why there were rules about fraternization between bosses and employees. That and the possible accusation of sexual discrimination, abuse of power, and all the other legal pitfalls which existed when a boss is fucking around with a coworker.

If Madeline knew how horrible that night had been, she wouldn’t be so glib…

“Ouch, your elbow stuck me in the ribs.”

“Sorry, I was shifting…”

“What are you doing?”

“Mmm, your lips are, ouch! That hurt!”

Both men stopped, their breathing was heavy. “Can you pull your knee out of my kidney?”

“This isn’t working,” Roy said, swallowing a tiny sob.

“Let’s start slow. We’re getting to know each other,” Chad said. He tried to caress Roy’s cheek and poked him in the eye instead.

Roy threw the sheet aside and glared at Chad. “Why are you so rough?”

“I’m not. You’re so tense and it’s frustrating me,” Chad sighed. “Let’s kiss for a while.”

“I don’t want to kiss,” Roy said, pulling away. “This is going nowhere. I knew this was a mistake.”

Chad hoisted himself up on his elbows. “It’s our first time. It’ll get better.” He tried to cup Roy’s chin and a finger went into the red haired man’s mouth. Instinctually, Roy bit down.

“Owww!!!” Chad howled . He looked at his finger and rubbed it. There were teeth marks right above his knuckle. “Fuck!”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting a finger in my mouth,” Roy said. He turned away and curled up. “This has never happened to me.”

Chad noted the tension in his back muscles. Roy’s neck was hunched protectively. There had been very little arousal and at first the mechanic worried it was him. It seemed he didn’t turn Roy on. So, he tried harder. That seemed to make it worse. Chad tried to curl up and spoon the other man’s back. He was shrugged off.

“Don’t, just don’t,” Roy said.

“Are you okay?” Chad asked, tracing the line of the other man’s shoulder blade.

“I knew this was a mistake,” Roy responded. “Leave me alone.”

Roy now expected Chad to lie beside him for a minute. Then, he’d get up, get dressed, and leave. He blinked back the hot tears as he saw this all play out. Their friendship was shattered. The intimacy they’d built was in ruin. Roy was used to this. In the end, the men in his life left. They all left.

“You’re tired and stressed. Let’s get some sleep,” Chad whispered in his ear.

Roy closed his eyes lips tightly, trapping his sobs inside. This was it.

He fell asleep and the dreams came…

At first it was his mother. She was in a black dress and shaking her head. She held out a teddy bear with only one eye and the stuffing was falling out of one of its legs. ‘Broken toys need to be fixed, Roy. You can’t keep playing with them until they’re fixed.’

She looked forlorn as she inspected the bear. Roy tried to take the toy from her, but she dropped it and walked away.

Suddenly, he was on a beach. It was cold, so cold. The sand was like snow crunching as he walked. There were things gathered around a tent. He tried to get to the structure. It kept moving away from him. Finally, he made it to a gigantic box with a handle on the side. There was a sign that said, ‘turn me on.’ He grasped the handle and at first it wouldn’t budge. After grunting and straining, Roy finally moved the handle. The top popped off and an enormous clown came popping out. “I’m a Roy in a box.” It had a maniacal blue smile on its stitched lips. The clown was crying red tears from purple eyes. It bobbed and bounced on a spring.

The clown’s face began to change. It was morphing and the polka dot blouse it was wearing changed too. Roy tried to look away. He couldn’t. Boyd’s face was on the toy now and he was wearing a black suit coat. “Who would want a Roy in the box?” Boyd asked. “No one. That’s who.”

Roy cried out and hit the box. It fell over and now the face was his father’s. It was huge, misshaped and sad. “You’re just like me. No one ever stays. Your mother was right.”

“No!” Roy cried, lashing out at the face. It started laughing. The water began lapping at his feet. The tide was coming in. Roy stumbled backward and fell into the dry sand behind him. He watched as the ocean lifted the box with his father’s face. “Goodbye,” the water whispered to him. “Farewell.”

******

Roy got out of bed, careful not to waken Chad. His dreams, nightmares really, had made him feel leaden, full of dread. He couldn’t dismiss those images. His mother, father, Boyd, their recriminations were too immediate to ignore. He rubbed his face, just like Chad did, and it almost made him smile. Roy didn’t have that in him right now, not this morning.

He pulled on some sweatpants and after looking around the darkened room, headed down the hall to his kitchen. After pouring a generous amount of grounds into the coffee maker, he filled it with water. This would be a horrible morning. He needed the caffeine to face the day. First, he’d need to let Chad down. Then, it was a lifetime of loneliness to contemplate. He was the broken toy. His dreams had told him the truth. It was time to face the facts.

Roy sat at his table and glared as the coffee maker dripped in its slow and steady pace. Minutes passed as he thought about all that he had lost. The dark liquid streamed into the pot, never knowing how awful he felt.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn’t hear a sound that came from the kitchen side door. It wasn’t a door he ever used. It was always locked and ignored. Most doors were best left that way.

But the sound was so forlorn, sad, despairing. The red haired man couldn’t ignore it. The cries sung of an aloneness as deep as his own.

He grunted and went to the door. After pressing his ear to the wood, the sound was even more plaintive. Something wanted in. Something was begging.

Roy unlocked the door. He pushed the box aside that was in front of it. The door wouldn’t open at first. It was stuck, thick with disuse. He pulled harder. It opened with a loud squeak.

There was nothing there. The sidewalk outside the door was empty. Roy looked to the right and saw his now dormant garden, the dead flowers waving at him, mocking him. He glanced briefly to the left. Nothing was there either. It was a door to nowhere.

Roy was about to go back inside when something caught his eye. It was a little movement in the bush right before him. There were dead leaves moving. He hunkered down and saw the flicker of eyes. The eyes blinked.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice sounding like that of a ghost.

The eyes blinked again. Then, something moved forward. It was a cat, striped orange and thin, almost gaunt. The cat looked at him, its eyes begging. He mewled at the man, softly. The cat stepped a little closer, almost hopefully.

“What’s up buddy?” Roy asked. His voice was caught in his throat. “Are you cold?”

The cat tilted its little head. He meowed quietly, tentatively. There was both hunger and longing in those eyes. Roy wanted to cry.

“Come here kitty,” Roy said. He felt his heart swell and expand with compassion.

The cat got closer, close enough the red haired man could reach out and touch him. He did. The fur was soft with clumps of heavy knots of hair. “Are you okay?”

The cat skirted away at the sound of his voice.

“Let him inside,” Roy heard a voice say. He turned and it was Chad wrapped up in his old shirt and smiling at him. “He’s cold.”

“He’s a stray,” Roy said. He didn’t move though. He couldn’t. The cat was tense and poised just beyond his reach. “He’s probably rabid.”

“He’s scared,” Chad said. “Step back and let him in.”

Roy snorted and shook his head. He threw his hands out, shooing the cat away. It shirked at his gesture, but refused to run. “Get outta here,” Roy said, his voice faltering.

“Let the cat inside,” Chad said. He laid a hand on Roy’s shoulder. The warmth of it was reassuring. It started melting the stiffness he felt in his back. “It won’t hurt anyone. You know you want to.”

Roy breathed out. The cat looked up at him, hopeful. He moved closer. Roy stood up expecting it to flee. The little cat didn’t. He bravely lifted his head and mewled at them.

“He’s cute,” Chad said. “He’s cold, scared, and probably hungry.”

“You’re right,” Roy said, stepping backwards. “He’s just really scared.”

The two men glided backward from the doorway. The tentative cat crept towards them. It took a brave step across the threshold.

“I don’t have any cat food,” Roy said, turning into Chad’s arms.

“Then give it some tuna. Do you have any?” the mechanic asked.

“I do,” Roy answered. “I have tuna. At least I have that.”

Chad stepped aside and let the man pass. Roy quickly looked into the cupboards and found a can. The cat stepped carefully, looking each way before another movement, gauging the reactions of the two men. Roy took a plate, opened the tuna can, and emptied it onto the cold surface. “I never wanted a pet.”

“Why not? He’s adorable,” Chad said, squatting down and petting the frightened animal. The cat pulled away for a second. Then, as if it was about time, he leaned back into the man’s hand. The purrs reverberated in the kitchen, the sound bouncing off the surfaces. After a few strokes, the cat saw the plate Roy placed on the floor. He raced to it gorging himself.

“I wonder whose he is.” Chad asked.

Roy couldn’t answer. He looked at the other man’s face. “Maybe he’s ours.”

Chad looked over at Roy and smiled. “We can put out flyers tomorrow. I’m sure someone’s missing this guy. He’s so cute.”

Roy almost pissed himself. His relief came all at once.

The knock on his door aroused Roy from his remembrance of that night. He shivered at the thoughts of how awful he’d felt until then.

“Are you busy?” Chad’s face appeared from the opening door. “Peterson wanted to know if we should uncrate those new displays. Are your merchandisers ready yet?”

Chad’s big, bright, handsome face was grinning at him. He had that easy look about him, a look no one else could pull off.

“They’re ready. I told Madeline to have them clear the space,” Roy answered, smiling back.

“Okay,” Chad answered. He stepped into the room. “You look pale. Are you feeling sick?”

“No,” Roy said, getting out of his chair. “I’m fine. I was thinking about last week.”

“Oh yeah,” Chad said, closing the door. He looked over and saw the blinds were shut. “When I think of last week, I can’t help myself.” Chad grabbed Roy and kissed him, hard. Their bodies molded together as Roy reached up and grabbed the bigger man’s hair, grinding his face into his. They couldn’t get enough of each other. Roy pulled Chad’s mouth away from his. He had to look into the man’s eyes. There was fire there, it was dragging him back.

“I, we shouldn’t do this here,” Chad said after taking Roy’s chin in his hand. “What if someone sees us?”

“You’re right,” Roy said, his voice quivering. “We should go to my house and do this.”

Chad chuckled and kissed the end of Roy’s nose. “I have work to do. The boss is a real stickler for getting all the Jumping Jenny dolls displayed today. If I don’t get it finished, he might punish me.”

“What if you do get it done quickly?” Roy said, stroking Chad’s cheek, the bristles of his beard feeling good against his palm. “Will he reward you?”

“I hope so,” Chad said. “He’s really generous when I’ve done a good job.”

“Back at it then. I’ll have to think of the perfect prize for a job well done,” Roy said, slapping Chad’s ass hard.

“I think I’d like that,” Chad said. “One more kiss?”

“One more,” Roy said, and ravished the mechanic’s mouth with his tongue before Chad went back to the warehouse.

****************

The look of concern on the mechanic’s face was too much for Roy to handle. He was looking at the cat with the same tenderness Chad did with Roy. How could he have missed that? Was he so blind he couldn’t see the compassion that lived within him?

“You stayed,” Roy said. Chad looked at him and smiled.

“Of course. You were upset. That’s what friends do for each other.”

Roy nodded and went over. He hugged the big guy, squeezing him so tight he could feel the buttons on the shirt he’d thrown on. The red haired man looked up and Chad caressed his cheek, lightly.

“You look tired this morning,” Chad said, his face was troubled.

“I didn’t sleep well,” Roy said. “I know how to fix that.” He took Chad’s hand and pulled on it. “Let’s go back to bed.”

“But, the cat…” Chad said, then his face changed as Roy’s look melted him. “…will be fine down here.”

“He will. I have some unfinished business to take care of,” Roy smirked. “It will help me sleep.”

“Okay,” Chad said, following him back down the hall, still holding his hand tightly.

The tension was still there, but it soon melted away. The two men wrestled onto the bed, they were all knees and elbows again. This time, Roy didn’t care. As he tore off the mechanic’s shirt, he licked and nibbled the man’s nipples. Chad writhed and squealed.

“Do you like that?” Roy asked, looking up at him.

“Oh, God,” was all Chad could say.

Watching the big guy jerk and gasp uncontrollably under his lips, teeth, and hands unleashed something in Roy. He played him like a piano, with a crescendo, an arpeggio, a soft touch, and then a trill. Chad couldn’t catch his breath and pulled Roy up to lay on top of him.

“This is really happening,” Chad grinned. “I’ve dreamed of this.”

“I have too,” Roy confessed, shutting the other man up with a wild, passionate kiss on the mouth.

In the end, they did get some more sleep, in between two sessions. The first was brief, hot, and urgent. Both men needed to release their last inhibitions. There was awkwardness to it, but the feelings were too raw and intense to slow them down.

After a short nap, the second time was different. It was two lovers learning about each other. They laughed and played. As they explored each other’s bodies, they found touches that made the other moan and coo. There were tender caresses and at the end, a powerful explosion.

Roy took a shower as Chad dozed. His skin was tender from the other man’s body hair and beard scraping against it. It almost itched with a need for more. When he rinsed, Chad was standing outside the shower, a dark shape behind the curtain.

“Want me to leave the water on?” Roy asked.

“Sure,” Chad said, his voice soft and plaintive. “Thank you.”

Roy smiled and opened the curtain to step out. “I should be the one thanking you. I’ve never felt like this. It was amazing.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” Chad’s troubled face broke into a wolfish grin. “I love…really loved it.”

Roy grabbed him and kissed him again, his wet body pressed against Chad’s bigger, harder one. “I loved it too. Take a shower and I’ll start breakfast. I’m starving.”

“Okay,” Chad said, smacking Roy on the butt. “I…never mind.”

“I do too, Chad,” Roy said. “I love you too.”

************

Roy’s recollections were interrupted by the phone ringing. He answered it robotically.

“Roy Toy!” Tyrell said happily. “How’s the Thanksgiving week prep going?”

“Good. I think we’re ready. How about you guys?” Roy asked, smiling into the phone.

“We’re as ready as we’ll ever be. So what’s new? I haven’t talked to you in a while,” Tyrell asked. “I heard through the grapevine big things were happening in Chaska.”

“I got a cat,” Roy said. “He’s orange and a real cuddle bunny.”

“You got a cat,” Tyrell grunted. “That’s all?”

“Yeah, we woke up last week and there was this cat scratching at the door. I let it in and we gave it some food. The poor thing was freezing,” Roy said, holding back his mirth.

“We? We woke up?” Tyrell squealed. “Who’s this elusive second party?”

“Oh, didn’t I mention that?” Roy said, chuckling into the phone. “Chad and I are seeing each other.”

“Girlfriend starts a conversation with his oldest and dearest friend with a damned cat instead of a new boy toy? That’s just not right,” Tyrell laughed. “So you finally caved huh?”

“He’s really good for me. His name is Timmy, but we call him Tiny. At first we were going to put up flyers with his picture on it, but Chad said he might have one of those chips in him so we went to the vet and sure enough, we found out who his original owner was.”

“We are having a very different conversation here,” Tyrell said. “I want to know about the boyfriend, not the cat.”

“Chad and I drove to the address where the chip said he lived. Turns out, the old woman who owned him had died. Her daughter was cleaning out her house. Sheryl didn’t want Timmy so we kept him. He’s so cute. You’ve got to meet him.” Roy finished and waited for Tyrell to respond.

“Does Timmy or Tiny or whatever the hell his name is keep you warm at night?” Tyrell asked.

“Nope,” Roy giggled. “That’s what I have Chad for. Tiny sleeps at the foot of our bed.”

“I’m glad you finally gave in and got yourself a pet,” Tyrell gushed. “You’ve needed a housebroken one for some time now.”

“He’s the best, Tyrell. I’m in love,” Roy said. “Just don’t tell everyone about it. You know corporate…”

“I won’t say a word about your new cat,” Tyrell said. “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

“No, it won’t,” Roy said. “We do have to get together soon. I haven’t seen you or Hugo in months.”

“That would be fun,” Tyrell said. “Then we can meet your cat and check him out.”

“He’d like that,” Roy said.

They chatted for a few more minutes. Roy could tell Tyrell was happy for him. He sounded relieved, almost as relieved as Kendra had sounded. She couldn’t contain herself. Roy had barely gotten the words out and she was at his front door.

She liked his new pet too.