Chapter 18

Shawn was taken aback by Casey's question. Was that what had Casey so wound up today? He was worried about him leaving?

"Casey, babe," he said gently, "I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon."

Those gray eyes shot up to meet his. "But you will, won't you? You'll have to go back to your family, to your life."

"No, I don't. My family knows where I am, and I'm right where I want to be, with you."

Damn those eyes were expressive, Shawn mused as he took in the confusion, hope, and desire warring within them.

"But--your job, your--"

Shawn cut off Casey's protests. "My job I can do anywhere. All I want right now is to be able to write, which I am doing, and to be with you, which I hope you'll continue to allow."

"Really?" Casey's voice was ridiculously soft, and the hopefulness in it nearly broke Shawn's heart. God, had Casey never felt wanted? Desired? Loved?

Shawn squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Yes, sweetheart, that's all I want right now."

"And you don't want to leave here? You'd stay here for me?" Casey seemed to have a hard time believing in Shawn's words.

"At some point, I'll probably want to leave," Shawn admitted, and of course regretted it instantly when Casey looked like Shawn had just stomped on his heart. "But when I do, I'm hoping you'd come with me."

"With you?" Casey looked like he couldn't comprehend leaving the island. Shawn knew that he was close to his uncle and was scared about upsetting or disappointing the man, but he'd hoped that what they had developing between them would be worth it to Casey to fight for.

"I know you're not ready to think about that," Shawn said gently, "and I'm willing to wait. I'm fine here with you. But someday, I'd love to share part of my world with you. To introduce you to my family. To show you that TV can have more than three channels."

Casey looked at him stunned for a moment before bursting into laughter. "I think I might like that," he finally admitted. "But I'm not sure...I mean, this is all I've ever known, and Uncle Martin he'd never--"

"Case," Shawn stopped their progress along the beach to take Casey by the shoulders. "Your uncle doesn't own you. You are your own man. I know you love him very much..." Shawn couldn't help but notice a flicker of uncertainty in Casey's face as he continued, "But even he would eventually understand that you might not want to stay here forever. That you might want a life of your own."

Casey was already shaking his head slightly, but Shawn wasn't sure why. Did he not believe him? Or was he just that afraid of leaving the island?

"He might not like me much," Shawn admitted, "but he wouldn't deny you your happiness if you decided to come with me, would he?"

"Actually, he probably would," Casey stated sullenly. "Why do you think I don't want him to know I see you all the time?

Shawn frowned. "I kinda thought he was just over-protective. You know, like the dad with a shotgun on the porch kinda thing."

"Except that if he even saw you coming, he'd shoot first and ask your intentions later," Casey stated.

"Damn, he's worse than I thought," Shawn muttered, stunned. "Well, then we'll just elope." He grinned. "We'll just jump in my jeep and take off, whenever you're ready."

"I--" Casey faltered. For a second, Shawn saw excitement flood the younger man's features, but then it faded as his hand fluttered to his neck, his fingers toying with the silver chain. "I--I can't."

Shawn waited for him to elaborate, but Casey just stared past him out to the ocean.

"Oookay," he drawled, not sure how to take Casey's reluctance to leave with him. "Maybe we can talk more about it later?"

Casey dropped his gaze, and Shawn was sure he saw the evidence of unshed tears pooling in those smoky eyes. Casey nodded slightly, keeping his face turned from him. Shit, what the hell had he said now? Shawn thought.

He tried to think of something to distract his lover's thoughts. He shifted his gaze over Casey's shoulder, eyeing the craggy rocks that the surf was pounding on.

"Hey, what's that over there?" Shawn asked, pointing. "It looks like a cave or something."

@@@@

Casey's head jerked around. He hadn't realized how far they had walked. They had managed to round the southern end of the island, and Shawn could now see the edge of his gated cave.

"It's nothing, just a small cave, that's all," Casey said quickly. "Let's head back in. I think I need another bottle of water."

"Yeah, sure, just a second. I want to see the cave," Shawn said, grabbing Casey's hand and tugging him along.

"It's not that interesting."

"Maybe not to you," Shawn said excitedly, "but I don't get to see that many ocean caves."

There wasn't much Casey could do now that they were almost there. While it made Casey nervous for Shawn to be seeing his private cage, there was nothing that Shawn would probably find odd about it, except the gate.

The brunette dropped his hand and he climbed over some rocks at the edge of the cave. Casey stood back and watched Shawn peer through the gate to see into the depths. The waves splashed over the rocks and through the bars in their gentle rhythm as Shawn gripped the bars for support.

"Why is there a gate on it?" Shawn asked.

Casey jumped down into the wide cove that funneled toward his cavern, floating to the other side as Shawn made his way across the gate as well to see if he could get a better view from the opposite side.

It didn't take much for Casey to think of an excuse for the gate. "It keeps larger sea animals from getting marooned in there during low tide."

Shawn looked at him in a bit of confusion, and Casey elaborated. "When it's high tide, the water level is much higher, obviously. And it's possible for a dolphin..." he hesitated mentioning sharks again, "... or something to get in there and then be stuck if they don't get back out before the tide goes down. So the gate keeps them out." Or something like me in, he thought to himself.

Casey couldn't help but look away, embarrassed now to think about how Shawn might view him if he knew that Casey was often caged in that cavern. He realized now that it made him look more like the animal, the mutant, that he was rather than human. Shit, Shawn would freak out for sure if Casey ever let him find out.

Martin was right. There was no one else Casey could trust but him.

"Case?" Shawn called softly, and Casey looked up to see that Shawn was almost right next to him, apparently having given up his exploration of the gated cave. "You okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," he said, clearing his throat a bit. He rushed to fill the impending awkward silence before it could develop. "Uncle Martin had it gated and padlocked a few years ago."

"Hmm, you'd think the salt and water would corrode the lock more," Shawn said as he flipped the padlock with his fingers. "It looks practically new."

"Well, it is, mostly," Casey admitted. "He changes them pretty often to keep that from happening." Can't have the lock not working when he needed to cage Casey in it, could he? Casey thought ruefully, but then he fought back his new scorn for the cave. It had always been a place of peace for him before, an escape, a way to enjoy being in the crashing ocean waters on the nights of his beloved full moon. But today, seeing it as he knew Shawn would see it if he knew what Casey really was, it seemed different and he hated it.

"Do you know the code?" Shawn asked. "It looks like one of those that you can put in your own code."

"It is," Casey said absently, now eager to get away from it and was walking toward the dock instead. "Uncle Martin likes those so he can use the same combination each time and not have to remember a new one. I don't know what it is, though. He doesn't tell me. I guess he thinks I might play around in there or something."

Casey glanced back to see Shawn scrambling over the rocks to catch up with him.

"I guess that makes sense." Shawn jogged over and wrapped his arm around Casey's damp shoulders.

Casey tensed, still reeling from his horrible thoughts.

Shawn's arm tightened before pulling him to a stop. "Casey, wait," Shawn said softly, turning Casey to face him, holding him by the shoulders. "I'm sorry if I upset you earlier. I didn't mean to. I guess I just hope that someday... you might want to be with me."

Shit, Shawn thought he was still upset about their conversation about leaving the island. Casey smiled softly, his hand sliding across Shawn's chiseled jaw before he leaned in and gently kissed him. "I'm not upset about that. And I do want that too, I just... need to figure stuff out first."

The light brightened in Shawn's azure eyes, and Casey felt his heart jolt at being the cause of that happiness. Shawn dipped his head down and captured Casey's lips with his, sensuously sliding the tip of his tongue over Casey's.

"I think... I think I might love you, Casey Badar," Shawn whispered against the younger man's jaw line.

Casey gripped Shawn tighter, latching onto his neck and drawing their bodies closer, his voice nearly choked with emotion at Shawn's admission. He never thought he'd ever hear those words again, not after his uncle died. And this... this was so much more.

"I know I already love you," Casey breathed out hoarsely against Shawn's neck, just below his earlobe.

And at that moment, he didn't care what his uncle thought. Even if he practically electrocuted himself getting the perimeter collar off. One day, he'd be leaving this place with Shawn Brockton.