Puppilull's poetry prompts - 4. Poetry prompt 2 - Haiku

Both were lovely and crisp... concise. I like how you give us subtle information... naked knee, warm asphalt...late fly... indicating the temperature and the seasons. It appears we both have the poetry bug on the same day... I forayed into Tankas... thanks for these... cheers... Gary

On 08/20/2015 03:44 AM, Headstall said:

Both were lovely and crisp... concise. I like how you give us subtle information... naked knee, warm asphalt...late fly... indicating the temperature and the seasons. It appears we both have the poetry bug on the same day... I forayed into Tankas... thanks for these... cheers... Gary

And we seem to be reviewing at the same time too! I fear I might be too concise to really get to the true emotions, but it's much easier to follow the form. Otherwise, I think I would get performance anxiety...

Thanks for reviewing!

These are two very interesting takes on the Haiku as a form. The dark blue of the sky is really striking in the first one, and if understood from a Japanese poetic stance, seems to be a warning to lay in store for the coming lean months of winter. That's pretty brilliant.

Unlike a Japanese poem, the second one uses a person to move the reader, and as such is more akin to the kind of Haiku in Poetry Prompt 11 - an Issa-style haiku. But that good's too! The asphalt may be a good seasonal word that again speaks of summer. The spilling of blood, well, I guess that's life, isn't it

Thanks once again for taking a Poetry Prompt challenge of mine.

On 08/26/2015 09:25 AM, AC Benus said:

These are two very interesting takes on the Haiku as a form. The dark blue of the sky is really striking in the first one, and if understood from a Japanese poetic stance, seems to be a warning to lay in store for the coming lean months of winter. That's pretty brilliant.

 

Unlike a Japanese poem, the second one uses a person to move the reader, and as such is more akin to the kind of Haiku in Poetry Prompt 11 - an Issa-style haiku. But that good too! The asphalt may be a good seasonal word that again speaks of summer. The spilling of blood, well, I guess that's life, isn't it

 

Thanks once again for taking a Poetry Prompt challenge of mine. (and btw, in my review of chapter one I wrote of 'Bash.' Opps, typo! I meant to say Basho, of course )

Thanks for your input! It's great to have your view on them. I did think the "I" ban concerned me as a writer and not that the poem itself should be void of people. So thank you for pointing that out.