Delicious - 3. Cream Cheese

Cream Cheese

“I should go back to school, James.” Faris was on his back on the sofa, head on my knee, looking through the course catalogue for the local community college.

“What do you want to take?” I can only imagine. “I mean you’re a Master plumber, babe. You have a great business, so why?”

“Ach, are you trying to stop me then, James?” Faris sat up. “I mean I’d n’er stop you.”

Faris was Scottish, you sounded like yuu.

“I’m not stopping you. I’m only curious about what you want to take.” Geez, you are hard work.

Faris stood and started pacing our living room. “Well maybe car repair or baking.”

I looked at him. "Do you remember what happened when you tried to fix the gas tank cap with the hair dryer, Faris?”

“Ay, I should have known you’d throw that in my face, James.” Faris stopped pacing and pointed at me. “You know that is how you unfreeze a gas cap, James.” He looked very smug.

“That’s likely true Faris, but it was summer and 40c!” A certain degree of smugness blanketed me in safety. “And what is your other choice? Baking?”

He gave me the don’t-you-dare look, but I was feeling safe and warm in my Smuggy! “Baking, eh? Well I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Other than to eat the food I make, you never go in the kitchen.”

Faris’ beautiful blue eyes flashed at me. “That’s hardly fair, James! I guess you’ve forgotten that 3 weeks ago we became engaged and while you were sneezing and coughing, I made four homemade Shepherds Pies – alone! Without help from you!”

I had to admit he did have me there. “Okay, well I’ll give you that but you never do much else in the there.”

Faris snorted and walked closer to me. He grabbed my face and kissed me. “Come on and I’ll show you what can be done in the kitchen.”

I melted into his kisses but bury the cannoli was not going to happen where we prepare food! “Faris, not in the kitchen.”

He pushed me against the refrigerator, hands at my belt, mouth on mine. “No?”

“No!” I managed to push him away and crossed my arms. “No. Just no, Faris.”

He stood straight, squared his broad shoulders and pushed back his black hair. The usual twinkle was not in his blue eyes. “Fine. That’s just fine, James.” He turned and stalked out.

Hmm, okay that was unusual. Why did I feel like I was the monster here? I decided to make him his favourite tea and take him a piece of the carrot cake I’d made the day before.

I brought the tea and cake into the living room where Faris sulked on the sofa. I put the tray down and sat next to him. “Faris?”

He looked at me and put his hand on my knee. “Sorry, James.”

Sorry James? Faris never apologized if there was another way out of something. Usually it involved a small explosion or something.

“Baby what’s wrong?” I handed him a cup of tea.

Larry our chocolate lab, wandered in and sat in front of the coffee table licking his chops and drooling.

“Thank you.” He sipped it. He sat eyeing the cake. Faris loved sweets almost as much as sex.

“Would you like a piece, baby?”

He nodded. I sized up a piece with the knife, he looked at me, “Bit more please.”

I added half-an-inch.

“More please.” Faris smiled at me sweetly. I added another inch, he finally nodded. It was no longer a slice of cake; it was more of a lump. It fell with a thump onto the plate.

I handed it to Faris, who gleefully started eating it and leaving the icing.

“Faris why do you eat cake like that?”

He gave me his usual are you serious look. “Because it’s what I like, James.”

Oh for Pete’s sake! I bit my tongue.

“Are you having some James?” Faris said. He looked like a Scottish chipmunk, his cheeks stuffed with cake.

“I thought I would, yes. “ I sliced the final piece of cake in half and put one on my plate.

“There’s not much left there James.” Faris was more observant than usual.

I looked at the small one inch slice of cake sitting alone on the plate. I had hoped to take it to work the next day but Faris was eyeing it up. Sighing I asked him if he wanted it.

“Well I will if it’s going to waste.”

“It wasn’t actually and you’re going to get fat.”

He looked hurt and slid his plate onto the coffee table, a shell of cream cheese icing stood on it. “Won’t finish this then.”

I saw Larry watching the movement of the cake plate carefully.

Oh great an afternoon of Faris pouting. I rolled my eyes and sucked in air through my teeth and sighed. “Faris, you won’t get fat.”

“If I do it’s your fault.”

“How do you figure that?” I was dreading the response.

“Well I was ready to use the Love Machine and give us both a little exercise and you said no!”

“I’m not having sex in the kitchen, Faris.” I sounded stuffy even to myself.

Faris stood up and looked out the window. “James, what’s the big deal? The kitchen is easier to clean than the couch or the sheets. A little Mr. Cleanser and it’s done.”

I laughed. “That’s your reasoning? And anyway, it’s not all that comfortable.”

Faris pulled me to my feet and tugged me into his arms. He kissed firmly and whispered, “I seem to remember one night when we’d just started dating. You didn’t seem to mind that standing up action, then James. Oh yeah baby don’t stop.”

Moving away I said, “Well we were horny then.”

Faris’ eyes widened in horror. “You mean to say you’re not horny anymore?”

“I didn’t say that. It’s just that, well ….”

“Oh my god. If you’re not horny, why are we getting married? The honeymoon is already over.”

Larry our chocolate lab crept into the room and stood eyeing the coffee table. Faris stood to look out the window and Larry leapt at the chance to grab the abandoned cream cheese. He slammed into Faris and sent him ass over teakettle.

The tea, icing and cake flew everywhere, and most of it landed on Faris, who was flat on his back. I started toward his prone form and slipped on some stray cake, sending me to the floor also. Larry ran out of the room, leaving large white cream cheese footprints on the navy blue carpet.

I sat up and looked at the mess that was once our living room. Faris groaned and got to his knees, and then pulled the course catalog off his shapely ass. He looked at it and tossed it across the room. "Too bad they don't offer continuing education for dogs!" He looked at me and started to laugh, and I joined him.

He crawled over to me. "You know James, you have icing here ....” He licked my cheek. "And here..." He scooped some off my crotch, rubbing a little bit.

Then he moved his hand over his Love Machine and smiled wolfishly. "Oh James, we aren't in the kitchen now, and well... It's pretty messy in here already. You wanna...?"

I looked at the room and my fiancé, and grinned. "Come 'ere, big boy!"

C'est fini ...