Delicious - 11. Ahwooo - Another Faris and James Halloween

It was coming.

It did every year. Try as I might to lead his mind elsewhere, I knew it was a wasted effort. At 12:01 a.m. he would announce the beginning of his favourite holiday season; Halloween. It was my worst nightmare.

This year I decided not to say anything. I decided to just let things be and see what would happen. Maybe he’d forget.

We were sitting in our living room watching TV together.

It was warm for the end of September, and the dogs were sprawled out, exposing as much of themselves as possible in front of the open patio door. The air that made it through the screen wasn’t terribly cool.

Once we’d watched the news, Faris announced it was bedtime. He opened the patio door and sent the dogs out. He locked the patio doors—the dogs would use the doggy-door in the kitchen—and we turned out the lights.

“James, let’s go play some games only real men play.”

“Like golf or baseball?”

My husband laughed. “Aye, well a couple of bats will be needed.”

The alarm went off. I opened my eyes slowly. I hated Mondays. As I sat up on the side of the bed, I heard Faris stir.

“Faris, time to get up.”

“Yes, I know! I can’t wait.”

He couldn’t? I looked around. I felt dazed, like I hadn’t slept at all. “Gosh, it’s so dark.” I got up and went to the window. It was black as jet out there. The sky still looked like it had hours ago when we’d gone to bed. This was odd.

I turned around to look at the time. The clock radio sat on Faris’ side of the bed.

Time seemed to have stood still. Faris turned around to look at me.

And Faris, oh my God, Faris … my heart pounded and I groped for the wall behind me. I slid down it; pointing at him. I was gasping. I couldn’t draw breath. It was … was horrible!

I gasped out, “Faaaaaaris.”

“James? James, baby, are you okay? Wake up.”

Slowly, I opened my eyes. Faris sat beside me. He looked normal. He held my hand. “James, are you all right?”

“I think I had a bad dream.”

“Mmm, no you didn’t.”

“I didn’t? But I was up by the window ….”

“Aye, you passed out, James. Maybe not enough sleep.”

I sat up a little as I began to feel a bit stronger. “It was a dream, because you looked like a monster.”

Faris grinned. “Aye, I did, didn’t I?”

Reaching behind, him he pulled on the most disgusting zombie mask. Blood ran, skin hung off it, and bones lay exposed. From within the rubberized mess came a voice, “It’s great, isn’t it?”

Once more my heart leapt in my chest. “Oh, my God, Faris. It’s horrible.”

He tugged it off. He seemed very pleased with himself. “Right?”

“Halloween.” I was so disappointed. I felt I knew the answer to my next question before I asked it. “The alarm; what time was it set for?”

“Midnight, of course, James. Celebration of this wonderful holiday must begin on the first day.”

I stared at him. Was Halloween grounds for divorce? “Silly me. What time is it now, please?”

Faris glanced over to the clock. “It’s nearly 12:30 am, James.”

“So … then, we’ve had no sleep at all yet.”

“Well, maybe an hour or so.”

“I have to work today. I’m going back to sleep.” I turned to plump up my pillow.

Faris looked rather dismayed. “Take the day off; we can go shopping.”

“Shopping? For Halloween decorations? Faris, you sound like you’ve never seen Halloween before.”

“Och, well, no James, until I came to Canada, well, it wasn’t done. There was no trick or treat in the UK until recently.” He took my hand. “You’re upset.”

I closed my eyes briefly and sighed softly. “Baby …” I snuggled closer; slipping my arm through his. “I’m tired. I have work tomorrow … today. There’s a whole month to get ready for Halloween.”

Faris jumped to his feet. “No! No, there isn’t, James!” He ran to the bedroom door and yanked it open. He took off down the hall, after tripping over Francis, our labradoodle.

Larry, our chocolate lab, and Francis’ sire, then joined in the midnight fun and frolic by chasing the other two down the hall.

I sat on the bedside with my mouth open.

Moments later, Faris led the return to the bedroom. In his hand was a brochure. Behind him were two smiling dogs, who barked merrily. Faris stopped in the doorway and turned to face the dogs.

“Bed!” he ordered. The pair of them stopped and sat. They would sleep there, after Faris closed the door. “Good dogs.”

The door slammed.

Faris sat beside me, waving the pamphlet.

I couldn’t read it. “What is that, Faris?”

“This is why we need to start decorating now, or at least planning. We don’t want to actually decorate until the last minute.”

“What are you talking about?” I was tired, and time was ticking.

“Look. I’ve entered this,” he said, finally handing me the paper.

I read it—glanced at my husband—and read it once more. “Are you out of your mind, Faris?”

“Och, no, James. It’ll be fun. And neighbourly. I want to win, or at least do better than Evans!”

Faris still had not forgiven Gerry Evans, our across-the-street neighbour for a homophobic remark he’d blurted out. Granted, Larry had mated with his expensive purebred poodle, but still ….

I glanced once more at the pamphlet. It was a neighbourhood decorating contest. They organized one each year for a different season or holiday. This year it was Faris’ favourite, and my least.

I stood up. “I’m going back to bed. If you want to do this, that’s up to you.” I handed the brochure back and got back into bed.

“James?”

I felt Faris stand up. He walked around and climbed into bed. “James? Are you really upset?”

“No … yes … maybe.” I sighed. “I’m tired.”

There silence for a few minutes. I felt Faris turn over. “Okay. Good night, James.”

I didn’t answer. I was feeling guilty.

It turns out it’s hard to sleep when you feel guilty about not supporting your husband’s projects, no matter how insane they are.

When the real alarm rang, I staggered out to the kitchen to start coffee, while Faris showered. I shooed the dogs out the doggy door.

While the coffee maker dripped, I sat at the kitchen table. In front of me was a stack of papers. I dragged them toward me and realized they were Faris’ plans for our house. There would be multiple pumpkins; each carved. There were ghosts in the trees, a giant spider’s web from the roof to the midpoint of the lawn, lights in the bushes and ghostly sounds playing. In addition to all that were patrolling characters, which I took to be us dressed up and accompanied by a couple of howling wolves. All that was missing was a ….

My thoughts were interrupted by a hand on my shoulder. Faris stood there dressed only in a bath towel.

He smiled at me. “Coffee smells good, James.”

I hated myself. How could I have been so cold to this sweet and very attractive man. I knew what lurked beneath the powder-blue towel and I wanted some of that.

“Sit down, baby. I’ll pour you some.”

He smiled once more and kissed my cheek. “Thank you.” He slid into the seat next to mine as I got up.

I poured and prepped our coffee. Then, returning to the table, I slid Faris’ mug to him.

“Faris …” I sat down. “Look, about last night, I’m sorry. I was pretty unsupportive.”

With his bright blue eyes fixed on my hazel ones he replied, “Aye, James you were, but ne’er mind. Do you think you’ll have a bit of time to help me with a few things? Most of it I can do myself.”

I put my hand on his firm, towel-covered thigh.

He looked down and put his hand over mine. “Why, James … do you have time for this?”

Leaving his coffee, he kissed me soundly. I moaned and returned the passion as I thought, “Do I have time? Of course, I have time ….”

Suddenly, I pushed myself away … it was Monday! I glanced at the clock. I had less than twenty minutes to get out of the house.

Faris was laughing. “Do ya not wanna finish what we started, James?”

“I’m late.”

He held me tight and whispered, “I can be done in ten minutes.” He continued to laugh.

“Faris, please. Let me go. I need to get out of the house.”

“Och, all right, go. You owe me, James.”

“Yes, yes. Fine.”

He released me, and I ran to the bedroom to dress.

Later, after paying my debt to Faris—which was not a trial—I further agreed to help him decorate our home and grounds for Halloween.

It was about three weeks before Halloween when Faris received a phone call. We’d been sitting together in the living room setting up strings of Halloween-coloured lights when it happened.

“McDonald’s Plumbing, how can I help? … Aye, yes, this is he … Sam? … It’s good to hear from you. Yes, sure, tell me what’s happened.” He’d gotten up then and started to pace up and down the hall. I didn’t get to hear all of his conversation.

After ten minutes or so he returned to the living room. “James.”

“Faris … is everything okay?”

“Yes … no.” He sat beside me and took my hand. “James … that was my old boss, Sam Anderson. He’s in a bit of trouble and I’ve said I’ll go.”

“Go? Go where.”

“Scotland.”

“What? When? For how long?”

“I should be back on the thirty-first.”

“Halloween? You’ll be back then, and you expect me to do all this work on my own?”

Faris leaned forward and kissed me. “No, James, I dinnae expect you’d do that. Don’t worry about it … we’ll have to skip the contest for this year, I suppose.”

“Well, I could put up some decorations ….”

“Och, no. You’re much too busy, and besides you dinnae like Halloween anyway.”

“Well, not like you.”

Faris was making a big deal of packing away the lights. “That would be nice if you put up the lights and ghosts. What a shame; I had such big plans. Och, and beating Evans would be the topping on the pumpkin! Don’t you think so, James?”

“Yes, Faris. Very much.”

He sighed deeply. “Well, we can always do it next year. Whether or not there’s a contest.”

I watched in silence as he glumly put away all the lights we’d worked on.

Faris made his arrangements and I took him to the airport. We hugged and kissed. He promised to call me. Once his plane had taken off, I drove home.

I missed Faris badly, but got on with my work. The Halloween Contest haunted my thoughts, as did Faris’ disappointment.

It was a week after Faris had left, and I sat at my desk at work, worrying. “Stop it, James.” I admonished myself. “Maybe I can’t do it on my own … but I know who can.”

In my work, people often gave me their business cards. I kept them. Now, I hunted through my desk for the perfect one. After fifty cards and several minutes, I had it. I held it up. “Ah ha!” The card read:

George R. Ramsey, President Wild F X, Inc.

I called the number, and George himself made an appointment to come to our home on Saturday.

We’d walked around the property, George met the dogs, and we sat having coffee in the kitchen.

“James, I can have a crew out here and have this finished for you on time.” George had a tablet open to his day timer. “It’s a two-man job.”

“There’s one more thing.” I took the pad with the hand-sketched plans and pointed. “This … there is something special I want done with this ….”

George peered at the page and then me. “What did you have in mind?”

I told him.

My house was a construction zone for the next week.

Faris arrived home the morning of October 31st. I picked him up at the airport, and as we drew near our house, he said, “James, why is there a massive fence around our front garden?”

“Oh, don’t worry. That will be gone by 5 pm tonight.”

I pulled into the driveway.

Faris stared at the fence. “Okay … but why ….”

“Faris, please just trust me.”

“Okay ….”

After shutting off the engine, I turned to him. “Everything is ready. The judges come around at 5:30 pm … we need to have the dogs and ourselves into our costumes.”

Faris approached the front door. He stopped. “Oh, my God, James! What have you done?”

I grinned. “Welcome to your nightmare.”

“It … it looks like a castle wall … the door … how?”

I stepped ahead and unlocked it. Faris entered. Our hall resembled a passageway in an ancient castle.

George had said “You can’t have a castle outside and a modern view when you open the door,” so ….

After he greeted the dogs, I showed Faris the control panels for the lights, sound and the moving figures and features. Faris, for once, was speechless.

“How?”

I grinned. “I have my ways. Now, let’s get your suitcase unpacked.”

Faris grinned like a horny wolf and raised an eyebrow. “We have a few hours … and the Love Machine has been on lockdown for a couple of weeks ….”

After a most passionate kiss, I had to agree with Faris, and we walked to our bedroom. Faris yelled at the dogs to lie down. He shut the door.

After several hours of fun and frolic, we showered. At 4:30 pm, we dressed the dogs in their wolf armour. Faris got into his zombie costume, and I got into mine.

“Faris ….” I struggled to fasten the prosthetic hump onto my back. He came over to assist me.

“There you are.” He patted my behind. “Just a touch of makeup and you’ll be the cutest hunchback I ever did see.”

“Yeth, mathter.”

My phone rang. It was George saying he and his crew were outside taking down the fencing.

“Let’s go and watch. I am dying to see what is out there,” Faris said.

So it seemed was the rest of the street, as a crowd had gathered. While the last of the panels were removed, loud ooohs and ahs were heard.

The now-zombified Faris turned to me and said, “James, what have you done with the lawn?” He ran down through what was now a small cemetery. “Oh, my god, James, I love it.”

He examined each tombstone that sat at the head of every freshly dug ‘grave’.

It was getting dark, so I slipped inside and set it all in motion. There were spooky sounds, special effects that looked like spiders skittering along the giant web. It came from our roof to down the middle of the cemetery. Tiny lights flickered in the trees and bushes. A black cat stood on a headstone and hissed. Corpses crawled from the grave, bats flew overhead, and ghosts fluttered under the trees.

Faris stomped through the grounds while I prowled with both wolves on short heavy chains.

The wolves I must say refused to be ferocious and licked all those who came up to say Trick or Treat!

We had fun talking to neighbours and dolling out quality candy to all and sundry. Each of us took a turn to walk the wolves around the neighbourhood to enjoy what everyone else had wrought that year.

It had been a great evening. It took us several days to dismantle it all. Faris found the rolled sod from our front lawn and loaded it into our wheelbarrow. It was the final act of putting things back to normal. We worked outside together on the weekend to fix it. The dogs helped too by watering it and stomping the sod into place.

At the end of the day, over take-out pizza and a bottle of wine, we talked.

“James, thank you for making this so perfect.” Faris picked a piece of pepperoni and offered it to me.

I accepted it, and smiled at him. “It was nothing, baby.”

“It was something. I want you to know I appreciate it.”

I grinned broadly.

Faris smiled back. “You want me, don’t you? I cannae believe after all these years you cannae say so.”

I picked up my glass and the wine bottle. “Let’s finish this in bed.”

“Okay, James” He joined me as I walked down the hall.

I sang, “Ahhwooo Werewolves of London … Ahhhwoooo… Walking through the streets of London in the rain ….”

The dogs joined in the chorus as Faris closed the door.

~~

The P.S.

We didn’t win first prize, losing to the Very Princess Castle! Granted, the kids liked it best. We did come in second, beating out a very angry Gerry Evans and his Werewolf Haven.

Happy Halloween!