The Valedictorian - 1. New Brothers

At last! I’ve been waiting, idling here for ten minutes, and he finally appears at the school door. Now he’s talking to a girl. Shit! It’s Sarah. She’s delaying him on purpose. Why are they still putting out that dumb school newspaper anyway? School’s almost over for the year! Who the hell cares anymore?

He hops in and gives me a quick kiss.

“Hi, Sweets. Sorry, but you know how Sarah is. She’s even more uptight because this is her final issue. She graduates too, y’know.”

“Bullshit! She’s just getting back at me for refusing the interview.”

I start driving out of the parking lot, on my way to my boyfriend’s house. I can see his look from the corner of my eye. Crap, he’s gonna try again. That must have been what the school-door conversation was all about.

“Sweets, you realize your reason is bogus, don’t you? It’s not the same as last June’s battle. This year there isn’t a senior within three points of your final average.”

“It wouldn’t be right, and you know it. How presumptuous would it be for me to give an interview as the valedictorian before I was even named valedictorian? Can’t you see the gracelessness of that?”

“How long have you been working on your valedictory address?”

“Since Christmas.”

“You don’t see just a tiny inconsistency there? Even an itty-bitty one?”

“None at all. I know I’ll be the one, so I’m writing the address. But I haven’t been named, so I won’t do the interview. Anyway, it’s getting late. You know I have to meet my brother this afternoon. I’m even starting to tremble with anticipation.”

“You sure you don’t want me to go with you?”

“It’s tempting, but I should really meet him alone. It’ll be the first time I ever lay eyes on the guy. Anyway, you have to represent us at Barbie’s seventeenth birthday party.”

“Is that what this little box is – your gift?”

He picks up the wrapped box sitting on the console and shakes it.

“Yes it is. I’ll give it to her as soon as we get there, and then I’ll have to take off. She knows.”

Finally, arriving at Don’s house, I park in front and we begin walking up the driveway.

“Why didn’t you park in the drive?”

“Because beef-brain isn’t here yet and you know he’d block me in. Then it would take a half-hour and a threat from Barbie to get the muscle-bound lummox to move it.”

“He likes you. It’s just a jock’s way of showing it.”

“What does she see in him anyway?”

“What did you see in his brother – anyway?”

“It’s not the same thing. Let’s go in.”

Don opens the door and before I get both feet inside, I’m hit with his beautiful sister who squeezes me and plants a big kiss on my lips.

“Eeeee! There you are! I’m so glad you came!” Smack!

“Hehe – easy, Barbie, or you boyfriend will mess me up. You know he’s twice as big as me.”

“Sweets, everyone is twice as big as you, even my sister.”

“Thanks a lot Don. Maybe I’ll trade you for your sister. Here, Barbie.”

Unwrapping her present, she squeals again and immediately decorates her wrist with the thin gold bracelet. Once again, I’m in her arms and now I'm being decorated – with repeated kisses – all over the face this time. I am immediately torn away from her as those muscled arms grab me from behind and lift my puny body into the air.

“What are you doing to my girl?”

“You mean ‘what was she doing to me.’ Put me down, Tom!”

He does put me down and laughs. “I knew I’d find trouble when I saw that black Mustang out in the street. Trying to hide it?”

“No, I have to get going. I’m meeting my brother today.”

“Oh, right! Wow, the first time! That’s gotta be exciting.”

“Yep. But a few other words too, like nervous, worried, scared, apprehensive…”

“Stop. You’re already using words I don’t know. You realize I’m not my brother.”

Duh! It never even crossed my mind. You’re not one-tenth the guy your brother was.

“Well, Barbie, Happy Birthday; Happy Seventeen. It’s a great year.”

I lean over to grab Don’s hand. “Walk me out to the Mustang.”

“Keep it clean out there you guys. Barbie doesn’t need the neighbors complaining!”

I shut the door, maybe a little more firmly than would be polite.

“Sweets, can’t you see how much he likes you?”

“I’d hate to see how he’d act if he hated me.”

“You don’t hang around with jocks enough. It’s all ball-busting. The more they like you, the worse it gets.”

“I hang around with you. You don’t ball-bust me.”

“Nope, cuz I have better things to do with your balls.”

Don shut my mouth by covering it with his. I float away, as I always do when enjoying one of our kisses. But this time it doesn’t last too long.

“Jesus, get a room!”

Don breaks the kiss and looks at his brother. “Perfect timing, as usual, Paul!”

“Timing has nothing to do with it. Your tongue is always down his throat!”

“Hi, Paul!” We bump fists.

“Hey, Loverboy. So, why are you guys out here and not locked in my brother’s den?”

“I’m leaving. Going to meet my brother.”

“Oh, yeah! Hey, have a great reunion.”

“Well, it’s more of a union, not a reunion.”

Paul leaves us and enters his house. Don gives me one more kiss.

“Look, Sweets. He’s gonna be more affected than you are when he gets a good look at you.”

“I know. He’ll think he’s looking at a ghost. OK, see you tomorrow at school.”

“Drive carefully. If you’re sleepy, make him get you a room at the hotel. Text me once in a while, if you can. I’ll be worrying all night.” He walks me down the driveway. After one more quick kiss, I settle into my car and make it roar to life.

I switch to a Syracuse station with loud, edgy music and begin the hour’s journey to find my brother.

I know where the hotel is from Google Maps. The car’s too old for GPS and I haven’t bought a Garmin or anything because I don’t go anywhere, but I probably should. In a few months, I’ll be in New Haven for school.

I find The Jefferson Clinton easily enough, but there’s no parking lot! Then I see a big green “P” down the street a bit and there is a spot, which I nab right away. I look and look, but there’s no parking meter. A couple of guys are having coffee at a table on the sidewalk right in front of me. One catches my eye and must take pity on me, or something, because he gets up and comes over. He aims my shoulders so I’m looking across the street, where there is some kind of circle-plaza with a museum and some other stuff.

“See the little stand, behind the Dodge truck?”

I nod.

“That’s where you pay and get a ticket. Then put it on your dash.”

“Gee. Thanks, mister.”

“No problem, kid.”

He probably thinks I’m thirteen and wonders how I can drive. Grrr. Anyway, I run over and buy five hours. I figure it’s gotta be enough time! Finding my way into the hotel lobby, I see a Navy uniform stand right up like he knows who I am. He comes straight over and grabs each shoulder, holding me at arm’s-length while he seems to absorb every single part of me. It would have been creepy except for the tears building up in his eyes. Then he crushes me in a huge hug and I can tell he’s sobbing. He holds me there for quite a while, but for some strange reason, I’m not the least bit uncomfortable.

“My Dear God, it’s like Danny gave part of himself back to me.”

“Sorry. I knew I sorta looked like him when I was younger, but last summer David’s gang told me I’m really starting to look just like him.”

“Did you know Danny?”

“I never met him, but I saw him a lot during my freshman year, until – y’know.”

“When David wrote to tell me what he had pieced together, I was having a hard time believing it – until he texted the picture. Hey, we’ve got a lot to talk about! Let me take you for dinner.”

I smile and nod. Carl seems like a nice guy. We begin walking. The May evening is mild. We walk right by my car, and I point it out to him.

“Wow! Sweet wheels.”

“Yeah, I got a good deal from some senior who joined the army last year. He enlisted the day after he graduated and said he wouldn’t need it for years, so he’d rather it be driven and loved.”

“And that’s you.”

“Well, I love it for sure. I don’t get to drive it very far though, unless my boyfriend and I go down the lake for something or we come up here to a mall. I live out of town, so most of my driving is to and from school.”

“Boyfriend?”

I stop. “Do you have a problem with that?”

“No, no – not at all! It’s just that Danny was gay too.”

“I guess we had more than red hair in common.”

By now, we have walked about three or four blocks and are in front of a place called Kitty Hoyne’s Irish Pub.

“Here we are, Chuck.”

We walk in and I can see it’s an interesting looking place. After some girl seats us, he orders an Irish beer and I order a Mountain Dew. I can’t drink the stuff anymore because Don never lets me. He says it’s not good for me. He used to drink it until David explained why he shouldn’t. So even though he isn’t here anymore, David still affects my life. Carl begins looking at the menu.

“We should have some starters. See anything you like?”

“Potato skins are the only thing I can understand.”

“Then potato skins it’ll be. I like them too. How about soup? I like the Baked Onion Stout.”

“I’ll take your recommendation on the soup. I have no idea what it is.”

“Do you like French Onion Soup?”

“Sure. Everybody does.”

“Then you’ll like this. Now, how about the main course.”

“Crackling Chicken looks interesting and safe – hehe.”

“Do you like steak?”

“Yeah.”

“OK, then let’s each order a Guinness Strip. It’s marinated in Guinness and if it’s as good as it was the last time I was here, you’ll love it. It melts in your mouth.”

I let Carl do the ordering, but am watching and listening very carefully. I’m absorbing the way he talks and the little inflections, which tell everyone how confident he is. It’ll be good to know how to do this stuff when I’m in Connecticut.

Over potato skins, Carl asks me about my life. How it was growing up with only Mom, and living out of town near the falls.

“In a way, it was great. I was curious about everything and she was good at answering questions or using the computer to find answers she didn’t know. It didn’t take long before I was using the computer myself to identify every bug and animal living around our house. School was almost too simple, but she taught me to take an idea from something I did in class and probe more deeply, using our computer for research. She only had to lead me to water a couple of times before I started drinking. After that, I took off. I was gobbling up information on all kinds of stuff in all kind of fields. I think by letting me research what interested me, instead of telling me what to study, she nurtured a love for learning in me. As a result, school was never a problem. I’m even going to be valedictorian of my class.”

“Really? That’s wonderful, Chuck. I’m impressed with my younger brother. I’m sure you’re going to college – Where?”

“Yale.”

“Shit, now I’m more than impressed. What are you majoring in?”

“Mathematics and Physics. Those are two things I love the best and when I saw it written that way, as a major, well, I couldn’t resist.”

“Is your boyfriend going to Yale too?”

“No, Don has a swimming scholarship to USC. He’s an unbelievable diver.”

“You’ll be on opposite coasts!”

“Don’t we know – only too well! But after lots of tears, we’ve decided it’s important to follow our dreams. If we’re really meant to be together, we’ll survive as a couple.”

“You’re sort of fatalistic, aren’t you?”

“Well, not quite, but pretty close.”

The soup arrives and we dig in, cracking the cheesy crust. I’m startled to discover how great this tastes. It’s almost the same as French onion soup, but it’s somehow smoother and definitely better.

“Mmmm! Another good call, Carl!”

“Hehe – thanks! Can we talk a little bit about David? You must have been his friend.”

“Well, I was a freshman in sophomore math when he sat down in front of me on the first day of classes. I immediately had a crush on him.”

Carl begins to laugh.

“What?”

“Danny had a crush on him too.”

“Really? How did you know?”

“He used to email me a couple times a week to complain about our father. He admitted all his fears and loves. He dumped everything he felt on me. I guess I was his confessor, albeit a continent away. I was stationed on the west coast then.”

“Well, in math, I was upset David would just walk by without even looking at me. He was going with some girl in the back of the room and another girl on his left was always flirting with him. I guess he was busy. I could tell he was smart in math. He should have been accelerated too, but it wasn’t his thing. He never wanted to be different from his friends. I’d even intentionally bump into him – did everything I could think of, but no luck. Crap! I only wanted him to say ‘Hi’ every once in a while. So one day I mis-graded a quiz paper, figuring he’d have to talk to me. I must have done it on a bad day, because I thought he was gonna smash my head off. The teacher had to save me. Then later, in the hall, he apologized and changed my life.”

“Changed your life?”

“Yes. Being the only accelerated freshman sucked. I lost all the friends who were my age and couldn’t make friends with the sophomores. David changed all that. He made me eat lunch at his table, introduced me to wonderful guys and my life took off in directions I couldn’t have imagined only a few weeks before. I even found gay friends and a few gay-curious ones. I suddenly had a sex-life! Most importantly, I became a new person and it gave me all kinds of confidence. He even introduced me to my boyfriend. I owe him everything.”

“So, what happened to him?”

A young guy suddenly appears and removes our bowls. About a minute later, the steaks arrive. Mine looks scrumptious and I can’t wait another second. I slice through the end and shove it into my mouth. Oh, gosh – that’s good! I look up and smile at Carl, and then go back to the steak, humming each time a piece melts in my mouth.

“You were going to tell me about David.”

“Oh, right. Well the poor guy was sexually abused as a young kid, I guess. That alone would have been bad enough, but the molester was around him all the time as he got older. I think his subconscious mind blocked it from his conscious one because he lost all his childhood memories from that time. According to David – he told this to me personally – it also prevented him from accepting the fact he was gay, because it would have made him enjoy the abuse or something. Psychology is definitely not my field. Don’s better at those kinda things. He’s gonna major in psychology.”

“That sounds pretty bad. David, I mean; not your boyfriend.”

I sneak in a few more bites while he talks.

“It was worse than bad. He almost committed suicide right after Christmas, three years ago. The good thing was the trauma of the event made him admit to himself he actually was gay. I guess he was in love with Twoey at the time and so came out at the same party Twoey came out in. It was just before New Year’s.”

I begin working on the last few slices of this wonderful piece of meat. Carl is keeping up with my pace on his steak. Finished, I place my utensils down with a satisfied grin on my face.

“Twoey was the boy who was shot by my father when Danny was killed, right?”

“Yep. I guess David always had a soft spot for him.”

Carl raises his eyebrows. “Dessert?”

“No way can I fit anything else in. You may have noticed I’m not a very large person.”

“So David and Twoey became boyfriends?”

“Oh yes, right away. They became glued to each other. It was strange because Twoey’s Mom was in Albany and David’s Dad was in New York City over the Christmas vacation when all this happened. So I guess David was a little apprehensive about the returning parents. Twoey’s mother arrived two days after New Year’s. David’s father never came home.”