Paper Walls - 1. Chapter 1

*Pop* the sound of helmets connecting crack in the field. Coach blows his whistle, "Again!" I stand on the sidelines impatient because I know I am much better than the quarterback that is on the field right now. The football is snapped, and I instantly can find a wide receiver to catch the ball, but Shawn doesn't and he is sacked.

"Coach, I could make this play with my eyes closed." I tell him.

Coach K turns around and gives me a look. "Shut up Kessler!"

I roll my eyes, this is such bullshit. I watch as they try the same play over again and again he gets sacked, on the fourth time he makes a complete pass......finally. I let out a sigh and Coach blows his whistle, and calls for the team to huddle up. "Take a knee gentlemen!" he yells, "Now I have seen what we have....we have a lot of work to do, we can and will be a force to reckon with. Hit the showers be back here at 6am ready to work."

I walk into the locker room, and everyone is joking back and forth and messing around, in various states of undress. I slam my helmet in my locker and take off my shoulder pads. "Ryder my office now!

I hear a few chuckles from some of the upper classmen, but I see Shawn looking at me with a worried look on his face he knows I could take his spot in a heartbeat without breaking a sweat. I see the sadness in his light green eyes. I don't convey any superiority to him because I know Coach won't make me the quarterback.

I walk into coaches office, "Shut the door."

"Yes, sir."

"What the hell was that out there Ryder?"

"Shawn can't make a play to save his life is what I saw." I say.

Coach lets out a sigh, "knock off the damn attitude Ryder, we have already talked about why you cannot just take the quarterback position! I am the new head coach, and how would it look if I came in and changed everything around and made my son, a freshman, the quarterback over the junior quarterback that has settled it that position and earned the respect of all his teammates? Come on get your head on straight boy! I raised you better than that!"

"Dad, you know I could wipe the floor with him!" I whined.

"And what happens if you're injured? I will have an unprepared quarterback! That's what happens, now you will be working with Shawn to help him with the plays and befriend him!"

"Dad....and what happens when they all find out I'm gay?"

My dad takes off his hat and runs his hand through his brown hair. He looks at me and he has this way of looking through to your soul and you just know he is telling the truth, "We will cross that bridge in time son. I promise no one will mess with you. Now get dressed lets go home. Do what I ask, make friends with Shawn."

"Yes Sir." I say and leave his office.

The locker room was empty when I left Coach's office except for Shawn sitting shirtless by his locker.

"What was that about? Taking my position on the team?" He asks looking up at me as I move to my locker. I actually didn't sense any sarcasm it sounded like defeat.

"No, actually it was him telling me I wasn't going to be quarterback." I tell him. I try not to stare at his green eyes or messy wet brown hair, or his nice smooth chest.

"Really?" He asked looking shocked.

"Yeah, he might be my dad but when it comes to football he's a coach first." I tell him.

I kick off my cleats and pull my football pants off, I have on compression boxers, I actually wear them all the time, I like the way they fit, and well show off my butt and stuff. I don't have a bad body I keep in shape I am lean with muscle definition and a four pack. I have light blonde hair and green eyes. I am short though about 5'6, but hopefully I will hit a growth spurt soon.

I pull out some gym shorts, and put them on, "Hey Ryder?" I hear Shawn Mendel say. Honestly it scared the shit out of me I forgot he was still here.

"Yeah?"

"It gets better." he says.

"What does?" I ask confused and I can feel my heart start to beat faster thinking he knows I am gay.

"Being the new guy on the team, the other guys aren't too sure of you yet man, give them time it's not every day we get pretty much a football celebrity at our school, and his dad becomes our new coach. We all figured you were a shoe-in for the quarterback position. You know after that big article in Texas football came out about you saying you were the next Joe Montana when you get to high school."

I don't know what to say, so I just say thanks, yeah I know real impressive and I know I am supposed to be making friends with him, just right now I was trying to hide my attraction to him. I finish putting on my shorts, and some shoes. My dad comes out of his office and shuts the lights off.

"Anyone else in here?" He asks me.

"No sir." I tell him and grab my bag.

I hop in my dad's truck, and wait for him to lock up the field house. It was hot in Texas in early August. My dad got offered a pretty handsome offer to come be the head coach here in Austin at L.T. High school. It used to have an amazing program but they kind of dropped off in the last few years. So they met with my dad who did really well in Dallas, offered him an amazing contract along with my mom who is the English teacher.

My dad isn't the most overly affectionate person, well he is affectionate, but he hides his emotions really well. Except when he is pissed off, or when a play goes wrong. Me on the other hand I tend to show my emotions easily.

"So Shawn was still in the locker room when I got out of your office." I told him.

My father just nods, "Dad he said to give the other players some time before I'm accepted....because they think you are going to replace him with me, and that it's because I am a football celebrity."

My father jerks his head my way, "what the hell does that mean?"

I put up my hands, "Their words not mine!"

"Because of that damn article, in the magazine last year?" He says looking over at me.

"I guess so."

My father grips the steering wheel a little more, "Don't worry about it. You have worked for everything you got. Keep your head up."

"Yes sir."

"Did Shawn say anything else?"

"No sir, he really didn't seem like he was in the mood to talk."

"Well, tomorrow I drop the bomb on what I expect the players to do with their grades; I have already seen his and they aren't the best. You can help change that."

I sigh, "Dad what is your deal with him, he is a mediocre quarterback, he doesn't even have the best attitude. When he talked to me today he had zero confidence in himself and you could see that from the way he stood on the field so I know you had to have seen that too!" I say getting irritated.

"That's enough Ryder, you know I think that article might have gone to your head I knew I should have said no to the damn article, this is not Dallas you are not in a consolidated school, you may have been the quarterback for their JV team because of the school mixing the grades, but you are on my team now, and it's my way. You are not the only one who has had articles written on him. The difference is, I don't let that bullshit go to my head. I take these young boys, and turn them into men. Does the kid show potential, hell yes he does. Do you know the kids life? Last time I checked you didn't. Now you can be upset that I am not making you quarterback that's fine, but asking me to explain myself and then you tearing down your teammate is unacceptable do you hear me!" He says looking at me.

I know better than to argue, "Yes sir."

I see my dad's eyes soften as we pull into the drive way, "Ryder, what's the real problem?"

"Nothing, its late dad can we go in? I want to shower and get some unpacking done before dinner."

He lets, out a sigh, and turns the car off. I know he wants to say something to me, but I get out of the car before he can. I don't want to hear it anyway. I don't mean to slam the front door but I do. "Hey what is that about!" I hear my mom yell.

"Sorry mom." I tell her.

"Well why did you slam the door?" She says rounding the corner wiping off her hands.

Remember how I said I tend to show my emotions easily? Well this would be me fighting to not show them. I have big tears forming in my eyes, and I try to blink them away. "Nothing, sorry I didn't mean too. I am going to get cleaned up."

She hesitates, "You sure you don't want to tell me what's going on?"

I nod, and head off to my room. It sucks because I am still unpacking we just got here two days ago, but my dad has been here for two weeks, and the first thing my dad wanted to do was go see the field when I got here. I still have no idea where half of my shit is. I don't even know why I am going to go to these stupid practices, I don't even want to shower, I throw off my shirt and I just want to sleep.

I grab my phone and I have a text message from my best friend back in Dallas, we were friends for forever. I came out to him awhile ago, he is the one that convinced me to come out to my parents He knew me so well like the back of my own hand, he was the first person I told when I told him I was adopted. He thought it was the coolest thing ever, especially when he learned I was Russian he always told me I was too pretty to be American with my tan, plus he thought it was cool that I could speak Russian. He always had my back, he cried with me when I told him we were moving. I don't feel like texting so I just call him instead.

Jeremy: Hey man, how was practice?

Me: Sucked....Dad isn't letting me be quarter back at all.

Jeremy: What? Why not that is the stupidest thing I have heard all day!

Me: Yeah I know. It sucks, because the QB right now isn't really that good. Dad says he has potential, and that he didn't want to cause trouble since he is new and just give me the position.

Jeremy: That is stupid, I'm sorry bud. How upset are you?

Me: That obvious? I ask, and lay back on my bed.

Jeremy: Dude I know you about as well as you know yourself. Man look your dad knows what he is doing, you might not understand it but he does. He knows how good you are and you will get your turn. Maybe this guy does have potential, and you are just kind of jealous about it.

Me: I really hate you!

Jeremy: Aww Love you too, is he hot?

Me: Kinda yeah, not going to lie he has a nice chest, and eyes.

Jeremy: You crushing on him yet?

Me: No I don't even know him. Dad wants me to befriend him, and help him out with these plays and all, plus apparently he isn't too good at school so he is already asking me to offer my brain as well.

Jeremy: Ry, dude come on, be a team player maybe he is good. He just needs the right coach to bring it out. So what? Help your team out man, you are freaking smart, look get out of this pity me mood its bullshit and honestly kind of annoying man.

Me: yeah you are probably right, hey I hear the door bell ringing. I am going to go see who it is.

Jeremy: Okay man miss you bro, text me later.

We hang up, and I make my way to the door, but mom is already there. "Umm...Hi Mrs. K. Coach invited me over for dinner, I know it's probably early but I was over this way and....." the voice doesn't finish the sentence mom cuts him off.

"Come on in sweetheart. You are a little early, but that doesn't make a difference. Coach K left to meet with the boosters, and some others he will be back soon. You know my son Ryder, he is here you can go on back to his room."

I cringe at the fact she just told him to come to my room without even asking me! She finally steps aside and I see that it's Shawn. "RYDER!" I hear my mom yell.

"Yes, Ma'am?" I ask walking out from the hallway.

"Good lord son, put a shirt on we have company, I assume you know?" she looks at him.

"Shawn ma'am. Shawn Mendel." He says.

"I assume you know Shawn Mendel?"

"Yes Ma'am. He's the QB mom." I say.

"Oh, okay. Well yall can go to your room I will bring in a snack and drink in a few minutes.

Shawn follows me to my room, I step out of the way so he can enter the room, and I close the door behind me out of habit, "So umm...welcome to my room I guess."

He looks around, and turns back to me, "Everything is still in boxes." He says more of a statement than a question.

I nod, "yeah pretty much I haven't had the time to unpack everything. My mom and I just got here a few days ago."

"So you got here this weekend, and the first thing you do is go to practice before even unpacking?"

"Well when your dad is the coach, it's football before anything." I tell him.

I offer my computer chair for him to sit in, since my bed is a twin and it's messy. "Sorry my bed is so messy, kind of forgot to make it this morning."

He laughs, "Are you always so polite?"

I laugh at this, "yeah trust me the whole team will be by the time my dad is done with them before school starts."

I can tell this makes him uncomfortable. "Look you don't have to worry about me taking your spot as QB. Coach made it perfectly clear he wasn't going to make a freshman QB."

I can see the relief flood his face. "Why not? I mean honestly it would be stupid to not make you QB you are better than I am. I know that, the whole team knows that. I lucked into this position, and I am not that great at it." he says with his eyes down casted.

"That's your problem; you don't have confidence in yourself. Yeah I know I am better, and I am not trying to be cocky at all, but it's because I was raised with a football in my hand. I have had an advantage over a lot of people. You have potential man, and you have something I don't." I tell him.

"What's that?" he asks.

"You have the respect of every person on the team. You said it yourself they don't trust me, and I understand that." I tell him.

He kind of smiles, "Thanks so if I am not over here to get demoted why did coach invite me?"

"Cause he likes to get to know the QB of the team. He feels like if they can establish a grounded relationship it helps build the team and paves the way for a good season. That and unlike most head coaches he takes time with the QB's and trains with them."

"Dang I guess I should feel honored." He laughs, and I laugh with him.

We kind of go silent for a little bit, I don't know what to even talk about. I see him looking me over, and I kind of blush, "Crap let me put on a shirt. Sorry for being rude." I tell him.

"Dude how old are you?"

"Um..fifteen." I tell him and flames seer up my cheeks.

"You are pretty ripped for a fifteen year old." He says looking me over again.

"I get up and run every morning, followed my sit-ups and pushups. I don't drink soda, and I don't eat candy." I tell him.

He looks at me, "Wait you don't drink soda, or eat candy?"

I shake my head as I put on my shirt, "I've actually never had soda before. Please don't tell the team, I am already having a hard enough time fitting in." I add quickly.

"Dude that's crazy, why haven't you? Don't worry I won't tell the team."

"Dad, he is pretty strict with me on things like that. I was bred for football, it's my life man."

He looks at me and nods, "I'll be honest that's kind of cool and you have a lot of discipline. Must be a lot of pressure to have on you since your dad is the coach and all."

I shrug, "I guess, I mean it's always been there so it doesn't make a bit of difference it's what I am used to."

He goes to say something, but there is a knock on my door. My dad pops his head in, "Shawn I see you made it come on out son. Let's go talk, you too Ryder."

We both follow my dad out and into his office. "Have a seat fellas." He says gesturing to the two chairs on the opposite side of his desk. I see Shawn looking around at my dad's office, which is set up unlike, my room. He has all my trophies on the wall, the article that was written about me framed. The state championship rings that he won are also in a case on display.

"So son, how are you feeling about this year's season?" My dad asks.

Shawn looks at me, and I shake my head, "Pretty good about it, I mean we have a great team. I mean we also have Ryder now." He stammers out.

Dad lets out a quick laugh, "Ryder isn't the QB son you are. I take extra time to get to know the captains of my team. I expect a hell of a lot more out of them than the rest of the team. Which is why you are over here, I want to go over the ground rules. From now on you will be held to a higher standard, you will be expected to act like and be the leader. Starting with your grades. I require a 3.0 GPA to be on my team, I will tell the rest of the team later on this week. I did some digging and I see you are sitting on a 2.0, why?"

I feel bad for Shawn being put on the spot, I don't know if I should even be here for this talk. I go to move but my dad puts out his hand to signal me to not move.

You can see the whole mood change in Shawn, it's like all the confidence has left him. "I had a rough end of the year...."

My dad interrupts him, "do you mind if Ryder is here for this conversation?"

Shawn looks at me, and I try convey he has my sympathy, "It doesn't matter, not a lot of people know about my situation I would like to keep it like that."

"You have my word." My dad says.

"Just things at home are a little crazy I had to pick up another job, and I just kind of let my grades slip, and just things got to be a lot for me..."

My dad nods, "I understand. You got a job now son?"

"Yes sir. Just on the weekends during football season." He says.

"Okay this is what we are going to do. You keep that job, but you will be over here every night after practice, you will get your homework done, and study for the tests. Ryder here will help you. He has a 4.0 and he is a team player." Dad says with all the confidence in the world.

"Coach thanks for the offer, but I can't...I have a little brother that I need to keep an eye on." He says still with no confidence.

My dad smiles, "Good, bring him over as well my wife loves kids. Shawn it's not a question, I don't make requests either. You need confidence son if you are going to lead us to state. If you have a problem with school, life whatever it is I need to know about it. Now you two get out I have things to do."

"Yes sir." Shawn says and we both leave my dad's office.