Poem Collection - MythOfHappiness - 12. Calm

I breathe

Slowly and steadily

I am calm

I am always calm

Always

You come into the room

Or rather, You

That fictionalized You

In my head

Is someone else entirely

They’ve got me pushed up against the wall

They think they’ve scared me

And I let them think that

Because I don’t want to scare

You

In my head You recognize me

In my head You’re brave

In my head You run to us

In my head You save me

In my head

But out there,

With all of them

Those ugly bastards who don’t understand

Who don’t want to understand

You turn and walk away

Unlike them, I do understand

I understand why You run

I understand why You leave me with them

To be eaten by these men with hungry eyes and empty chests

I understand

You’re a person

And you’re scared

I understand

But I don’t empathize

I am calm

The one on the left pushes me

The one on the right slams me back into the wall

The one in the middle punches me

I double over in pain

But not fear

Middle bends over me and I smile

“The fuck’s so funny jackass?”

Then I laugh

I’m feeling something

Something… real

For the first time

in a long, long time

I can feel

I am not calm

I am angry