The Hidden Ones: The Spotlight - 11. Ryder and Teddy

No matter what changes in my life, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of being the popular kid. Even as I approached the field from the parking lot I could hear my name ringing out. It could be anyone from the average student just looking to say ‘hi’, all the way to other varsity athletes, yet today it was much more than just one varsity athlete, today Mike had led the whole baseball team onto the sidelines, and they were making sure I knew it.

“Teddy!” I heard a few of them call out as Mike stood up and waved me over.

“What’s up guys?” I smiled, noticing Ryder siting as far away from them as possible.

“Just here to support the president,” Mike teased. It wasn’t uncommon for other varsity teams to show up to games. In fact, it’s actually a really good tradition we have at Hudson. We try our best to support one another, well at least the ones we deem worthy of it.

“Looks like we’re not the only one here to support him.” One of the players looked over at Ryder. “I think you’ve got a stalker.”

“Yeah, I mean what is this the second or third game he’s come to?” another player added in.

“So?” I shrugged “NARPs* can’t come to games?”

“No one said that.” Mike sighed, disappointed in my attitude. “But come on, Ryder likes sports?”

A few of the other players began to laugh as one of them stood up. “I don’t think it’s the sport he likes.” One of them teased me. “I think he’s here for you captain.”

“Oh, grow up.” I laughed, trying to take everything the best I could. “Why does it matter who’s here anyway?”

“You know exactly why it matters.” One of the guys commented, still staring in Ryder’s direction. “He’s not one of us.”

“What does that…”

“Teddy.” Mike interrupted before I had a chance to do any damage to my image. “I think you have a game to focus on.”

“Hey, everyone on high alert.” One of the guys called out as I turned my back to them. “Today might finally be the day Ryder goes postal.”

“Nah, he’s too much of a faggot for that.” Another remarked, as no one came to his aid. “He’ll just sit there like there little bitch he is.”

I threw my helmet on as an embarrassed shade of red began to fill my face, but I kept silent. What am I doing? I should stand up to them! I should say something! But will it actually change anything? I mean, they’re all a bunch of stubborn assholes anyway right? Do my words really have all that much of an impact?

As the game finally began I did my best to ignore their random unprovoked shots at Ryder. It was all so pointless. Yet, there they were, ringing out insults as if Ryder was the most hated person in the world. Every now and again I would look behind me and find Ryder sitting there and taking the onslaught just like he had a hundred times before. Why am I doing this to him? Why am I making him come to lacrosse games? I barely even play!

As the last whistle sounded I found myself caught between the two once again. The baseball team kept calling out my name while Ryder sat there, silently staring at me.

“What’s he doing?” I heard one of the guys remark as I headed towards Ryder. “Is he stupid or something?”

“Sorry.” That was all I could force out before the guys from the baseball teams climbed off the bleachers and surrounded me.

“Good game Teddy.” Mike interrupted, not caring what I was saying. “You guys finally got a win.”

“Yeah, but I was…”

“You almost scored too.” Another baseball player began, cutting me off once more. “You’re still getting knocked around though. You need to add a few pounds.”

“I’m fine, really.” I insisted, trying to get a look at Ryder. “I just…”

“Hey so we’re all headed back to my place for some cold ones if you’re in.” Mike began once again as I finally realized what they were up to. It was simple, separate me from Ryder and keep him isolated as much as possible. “Miller lite, your favorite.”

“I have to take a rain check.” I waved them off. “I already have plans.”

“Oh, come on!” Mike continued, desperately trying to add pressure. “It’s not every day my parents are out of town, this might be our only shot…”

“I already have plans.” I emphasized, actually starting to get angry.

“Fine.” Mike grunted, starting to lead some of the guys away. “Let’s go guys, Teddy will stop by whenever he’s done playing with his little project.”

As they left, I saw a few bump or shove Ryder as they tried their hardest to make him feel as worthless as possible. I carefully stared down Mike while they all climbed into various cars and made their way out of the large parking lot.

“Sorry about them.” I sighed, reaching out and offering Ryder a hand as he slowly slipped into the lower bleacher behind him.

“Go head.” He grunted, rejecting my help. “Go drink with your friends.”

“No.” I shook my head, trying my best to smile. “I want to hang out with you.”

He rolled his eyes and watched cautiously as more students began to pass by, patting me on the back as they left. “No, you don’t.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to…”

“Save me the lies.” He start to slowly get to his feet.

“I’m not lying!” I yelled louder than I intended. “Look,” I exhaled, “let’s just meet back at my place, and we can talk about it there, okay?” My offer was met with silence. “Okay?” I repeated a bit stricter.

“Fine.” He mumbled as he slowly walked away, not even bothering to wait for me.

He can’t possibly blame me for any of this, can he? I mean it’s not like I was making fun of him. It’s not like I ditched him to go hang out with them. It’s not like I was the one insulting him. I carefully tailed him, trying my hardest to get a good look at the teenager inside. Every now and again I saw cold dark eyes peer up into the rearview mirror then right back to the road. He seemed more annoyed than angry. It was as if he was frustrated by life, like things were falling apart around him.

I carefully observed him as he made his way up the driveway and through the garage into the basement. “Everything alright?” I cautiously asked, trying to get a better read on his mood.

“Just fine.” He grunted, letting himself fall down onto the couch.

“E.P. starting to stress you out?” I prodded, trying harder and harder to get him to open up.

He shifted his mouth from side to side, trying his hardest to hide his frustration. “No.” His answer was curt.

“I’m starting to stress you out?” I continued, as his fiery gaze worked its way up to my face.

He stayed quiet for a few seconds before looking away “Not you in particular.” He mumbled. “Just the situation.”

“You don’t have to come to anymore of my…”

“I’ll come.” He cut me off. “It’ll just take some getting used to.”

“I thought you said you were used to being bullied?” I shrugged, slightly tilting my head. “Not that it makes it okay or anything.”

“I am used to getting bullied.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I have to get used to the idea, just, never mind.”

“No, what?” I getting frustrated by how much he was pulling back from me.

“Get used to the idea that the guy I’m seeing just let’s shit like that happen.” He grumbled. “I mean I know I said that I know the kind of guy you are, it just sucks seeing it happen.”

“But I…”

“But you what Teddy?” He interrupted me with a low voice. “You weren’t the one bullying me? Well you also weren’t the one stopping it.”

“Would everyone stop cutting me off today?” I lashed out in a loud voice “I can’t say one goddamn word without someone talking over me! What do you want from me Ryder? You think just because I tell them to leave you alone, they will? You think I actually have the power to stop them?”

“Maybe people will stop cutting you off when you actually start to stand for something.” Ryder answered, matching my tone. “You have that power, and you know you it! I don’t know what this woe is me crap you’re pulling today is. You just don’t want to get involved.”

“I never…”

“Save your breath.” He rolled his eyes. “You’ve said you’d do everything you could to change shit a hundred times, and even though I claimed I never bought into it, well I, forget it, I’m stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.” I shook my head, trying my hardest to let all the anger in the room fade. “You’re just falling for me, so you listened to my bullshit.”

“And what about you?” He looked up at me.

“I guess I’m falling for you, so I listened to my bullshit too.” I softly exhaled. “I just, I don’t know what to do.”

He took a deep breath and carefully reflected over everything. “You ever think we’re just too different?”

“Everyday.” I confessed with a frown.

“Then what do you want to do?” He took a breath and finally looked into my eyes.

“I don’t want to end it.” I shrugged. “I just, I want a week where it can just be us alone and not the loser and the president. I just want us to be two people that are dating. I just want it to be Ryder and Teddy.”

“You know that’s not possible.” He shook his head, being as honest as he could with himself and me. “They’ll never look at us as just Ryder and Teddy. You’re too popular, and I’m too hated. We’ll always have weight on our shoulders.” A soft smiled crossed his face as his eyes stayed connected to mine. “I guess that’s something we have in common.”

“I guess so.” I laughed at little. “So, what’s it like to be the king of no one?”

“What’s it like to be the king of everyone?” He smiled, stood up and joined me on the other side of the couch. For the first time in our short romantic life, he cuddled up to me.

“It sucks.” I shrugged. “I have to remember everything about everyone, and if I don’t then they get all insulted or feel bad about themselves. They always want me to solve some stupid problem, or give them some stupid piece of advice. They never actually want to help me, or get to know me. They take, take, take, but never actually leave anything for me. Even at that stupid party they’re having tonight, they would’ve just asked me for a million favors without giving me anything useful.”

“Then, why do it?” Ryder asked, resting his head against my shoulder.

“It’s the only thing I actually know how to do.” I confessed to him. “I mean it’s not as bad as I make it seem, it’s just overwhelming. I mean I get to go to all these different parties and all, but it’s tiring to never actually meet anyone. It’s like I talk to hundreds of people, but I don’t actually know any of them.” I shook my head and took a long look at the fragile teen next to me. “This must sound so stupid to you. Your world must be so different.”

“No one talks to me.” He began talking in an almost hesitant voice. “No one understands. They think I’m crazy. They think just because I’m chasing a dream, I’m a psychopath. They call me the school shooter because I’m quiet and make fun of me for liking dark clothes. They abuse me every second of the day and then wonder why I shy away from them.” He truly let me in on his life. “Even now, working on this E.P., I have cousins or aunts and uncles telling me I’m crazy. They’re saying I need to start focusing on SATs not music. They send me random stats about how many music careers fail, about how rock is dead.”

“And what do you think about that?”

“Honestly?” He checked, looking up at me as I nodded. “I’d rather make pennies, living in a van, and touring empty venues than be stuck in an office all day. I just want to make music no matter what it means. Even if I wake up starving and don’t know when the next paycheck is coming. I don’t care about success or being famous. I don’t care about sold out arenas or platinum albums. I don’t care if it’s a billion fans or just one. I just want to sing until my lungs collapse.”

“Is there room for me in the van?” I tilted my head, trying my best to maintain eye contact. He slowly processed my words, trying hard to decipher if I was making fun of him or not. “I’m small, and I don’t eat much.”

He took a deep breath, still trying to crack the code. “I think so.” He decided to put his faith in my words. “But why would you would ever tank yourself like that. You’re going to graduate top of our class. I’ve heard the rumors that Princeton’s already spoken with you a few times.”

“Maybe they have, maybe they haven’t.” I shrugged. “Maybe I’ll only need space in the van during the summer, or maybe I’ll need it year round. But no matter what, I want to be there for you.”

“Don’t let me weigh you down.” He shook his head. “I…”

“You are never going to give up music.” I finished his sentence for him. “I don’t think I’m ever going to give up on you.” He bit his lip as his eyes began to drift. “Success isn’t measured by school or by grades. If success for you is playing to any crowd you can, then I’m happy to help you find that success. You’re not weighing me down.”

“I don’t think you understand what I want.” He shook his head, starting to pull away.

“You want to be able to do whatever you want.” I nodded, finally getting a good grasp on who he was “You want absolute freedom. You want to be able to make whatever music you want, whenever you want, without having anyone there to tell you one way or the other.” I took a long look at the guy on my arm. “I’m willing to guess you want all that, and you don’t want to be judged, but you also don’t want to be alone.”

“I’m fine with being alone.” He grumbled, staring out the sliding glass doors.

“That doesn’t mean you want to be alone.” I smiled, stretching my arm out around him. “Maybe we should just stop thinking so much, maybe we should just go for it. I’ll go after Princeton, and you can go after music. I can go after popularity, and you can try and fly as anonymous as you want. But we’ll do it together.”

“Yeah but Teddy…”

“You’re thinking too much again.” I smiled as our eyes met. “No matter what, up to this point we’ve both wound up alone. I could talk to 200 people in a day, but if none of them are Blake, Mike or Liz I might have well have said nothing at all.”

“I spent most days saying nothing at all.” He softly laughed.

“And that’s why we’ll have one another.” I smiled. “We’re more alike than we know.”

“I’m sorry I blamed you.” He quietly let out. “I should’ve known that you can’t really…”

“I’m sorry I didn’t say more.” I cut him off, not giving him the chance to blame himself. “I can make a difference, I just tried to back out of it because I’m scared.”

He pulled away and looked into my eyes. “Of what?”

“Of losing it all.” I confessed, giving him the first ever look at my insecurities.

“I doubt you could ever lose it all. They’ll always love you, you’re Teddy.”

“I’m still human Ryder.” I exhaled. “But you’re right, I don’t think I can lose it all, because I think I just figured out what it means to have it all.” He tilted his head not understanding what I was talking about. “You Ryder.” I smiled, slowly leaning in. “You’re what it means to have it all.”

I braced as our lips connected. It was clear he wasn’t sure what he was doing, and yet the sparks that flew off in my brain felt like they never had before. Even with him being shaky and unsure, it was still one hundred times better than any other kiss I had shared in my life. This wasn’t just a kiss, it was us connecting, it was the two of us sharing our souls with one another. I knew when we finished, we would never be the same.

*Non-athletic related persons- basically anyone who’s not an athlete, or manager.