The Hidden Ones: The Spotlight - 14. The Black Sheep

Summers almost over, and with it comes the school year, but more importantly more time to write! So get ready for more chapters on a lot better schedule! I also have to give a huge shout out to JayT for getting this chapter edited so fast, if you haven't noticed, it's a long one!

 

*Okay now to get serious for a bit. I think I wrote this in the head of another chapter, but I'll definitely write it in the story's description. This story will include conversations about/examples of mental illness, addiction, and suicide. At times it will go into the nitty and gritty of it, nothing graphic, but there will be conversations about it all. The last thing I want to see is someone getting upset, or triggered from one of these chapters, so please be careful approaching this story, and it's contents.*

---------------------------------------------------------Teddy-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I took a long look at the scrawny kid in black as he reached around the table, trying his hardest to clean it the best he could. He’ll probably never see it, but he really is something special. His eyes kept finding their way to mine as he nervously tried to get used to my stare. Every now and then he would force his hand up to his hair, and push it out of his face.

“Are you going to re-dye it?” I asked, noticing the green tips were quickly starting to fade as his hair outgrew the coloring.

“What?” he shakily responded turning towards me. “Oh! No, I don’t think so.” He shrugged, clearly still anxious from our kiss.

“Why not?” I smiled, carefully watching him to see if I should back off or not.

He shrugged his shoulders and returned his hands to his hair. “I don’t like it as much as I thought I would.”

“So are you going to try another color then?” I encouraged, hoping that he knew I didn’t care what color he put in his hair.

“I wanted white, but my grandma said that looks too much like a skunk.” He teased, trying his hardest to wear a friendly smile. “Then I was going to go with red, and maybe even wear make up on stage, but there’s another band I like that already does that.”

“Who?” I tilted my head, excited that for once he was opening up without holding too many of his words back.

“You don’t know them.” He shyly muttered, turning back towards the sink to clean the spare forks and spoons.

“Maybe I do!” I insisted. “My dad listens to plenty of music, I’m sure I’ll at least known the name.”

A slow blush began to form on his face as he thought over his answer. “Promise you won’t laugh?” He forced out as I nodded my head, eager to know the answer “Twenty One Pilots.”

“What?” I blurted out as I tried to conceal laughter. “Like the band that sings Stressed Out, Ride, and Heathens?”

“They sing a lot more than just those three songs.” He embarrassingly defended.

“I thought you said pop music was shit?” I teased, eager to see how he could like a band that was so mainstream.

“They’re a guilty pleasure!” He forced out. “Besides, they’re more than just pop music. Their lyrics are meaningful, and their style changes dramatically across their songs. Okay, maybe they’re not reinventing the wheel, but if I could have such a diverse fan base liking such diverse styles the way they do, just, damn.”

“So not everything is screaming and head banging with you after all?” I giggled as he turned back towards me, slowly finding comfort in his confession.

“I never said it was.” He exhaled with a raise of his eyebrows. “You guys are the ones who jump to conclusions about what I do and do not listen to.”

I felt a smirk come across my face as I imagined him listening to such an upbeat and poppy band. “So then can you rap their songs?” He rolled his eyes to my question and quickly went back to his small house work. I could tell he was dragging it out a lot more than he actually had to in an effort to work out his anxiety. “I get it, rapping is really hard. Way too hard for a metal vocalist anyway.”

“Oh please!” He lashed out as I finally hit the right buttons on him. “I could rap in my sleep. Screaming is the hardest thing in music, it’s pure, raw emotion. Do it the wrong way and you cough up blood. What’s the worst thing that happens if you rap wrong, you bite your tongue?”

“Biting your tongue can hurt!” I laughed as he angrily walked right into my trap. “Alright tough guy, put your money where your mouth is.”

He took a deep breath before turning around and casually leaning against the sink. I couldn’t help but stand there in awe as the words effortlessly flowed from his mouth. He wasn’t joking when he said he could rap. I mean it wasn’t perfect, but he found a rhythm and stuck with it. As he got comfortable I saw him begin to escape away into his own world and lose himself. He began to turn red as he pulled himself back into reality. Rapping wasn’t his strong suit, but damn, he’s even good at that! It’s almost like singing is a language to him. It’s like he’s mastered all the different ways to do it, as if he won’t be happy until he can do it all.

“What song was that?” I shook my head, not recognizing the lyrics.

“Holding Onto You.” He shrugged, not sure if I had enjoyed it or not. “It’s one of Twenty One Pilots older songs. I know I probably didn’t do that good but…”

“Are you kidding?” I interrupted. “How did you learn all these different styles? How can you sing, scream, growl, rap…how can you do all that and still not know how good of a singer you are?” I shouted, shocked by how naïve he was.

“I’m really not that great at…”

“Stop!” I exclaimed. “Just own the moment!” I encouraged with a smile. “Did you hear yourself? You talk about how unique Marilyn Manson is, then how diverse Twenty One Pilots are, but you don’t realize that you have the power to combine all of that. You could take a Marilyn Manson styled song and turn it into a number one hit if you really wanted to! You could be a popstar!” I gasped, as I realized how easily he could cross the genres.

“Stop!” He begged, overloaded by my words. He let his scrawny frame collapse into a nearby chair as he worked over everything in his brain. “I don’t want to be a popstar. I don’t want to turn out number one songs. I don’t care about popularity.” He reminded me. “I want to make music that I’m passionate about.”

“But you could have it all, right in the palm of your hand.” I let out, not able to help myself from playing devil’s advocate. “You’re passing up superstardom.”

“I’m not.” He shook his head. “I’m passing up your version of superstardom. I’m passing up your version of ‘having it all.’” He took a deep breath and stared deeply into my eyes. “To me, having it all is playing rock music to crowds no matter what the size. To me, having it all is keeping the genre I love alive. It’s hearing the blaring sound of guitar over the amps, and the beat of the drums in my chest. To me, it’s letting out the last primal screams left in this fucked up world. To me, it’s giving the lonely kid a message to find hope in. To me…”

“It’s about repaying the genre that gave you a reason to keep going?” I asked, daring to finish his sentence for him. He gently shifted his mouth from side to side, and thought over his short rant. “It’s okay, I don’t think you’re crazy for…”

“Whatever.” He shook his head as his distrust began to resurface.

“I really don’t. Like I said this afternoon, make some room for me in the van.” I supported, knowing that I needed to jump on his insecurities now before he had a chance to make them worse in his head.

“I don’t need you patronizing me.” He groaned, finding random busy work to keep him from turning around and looking at me.

“I’m not.” I insisted, walking up to him and forcing him to turn around. “You have to stop thinking the worst about us. Just, put your faith in me.” His eyes fell quiet as they connected with mine “Tomorrow. We’re all hanging out. You, me, Mike, Liz and Blake. It’s not optional. We’re all going to hangout, and I’m going to prove that you can trust me.”

He let out a dismissive laugh and rolled his eyes. “Can you stop trying to force…”

“Nope!” I shouted, letting him go and backing up towards the hallway. “I’m not listening to you! You’re coming over tomorrow at one, end of story.”

“No, I’m…” He began in a nervous breath.

“I’ll see you then!” I interrupted once more as I turned around and headed towards the front door.

“Teddy…” I heard him begin, but his words faded as I drew farther and farther away. I know I have to give him space sometimes, but right now I need him to see that he does fit in with people his age. I need him to know he is accepted before he begins to convince himself otherwise.

The next day came a lot faster than I thought. Liz, and Blake promised to be there at one, maybe even a little bit before while Mike claimed that the night before would force him to be there closer to two. Maybe it’s better that way. I mean, it’s not like I told him Ryder’s going to be there anyway. So maybe if Ryder can get comfortable with Liz than it’ll kind of be like the four of us versus Mike. I mean that makes sense right?

“Okay but really think about it Blake.” I heard my dad begin to lecture as the door to the basement opened. “Vinyl has better presentation and sound, I mean do you really prioritize convenience over that.”

“Yes!” Blake yelped back in a laugh as he slowly made his way downstairs. Liz shook her head as she followed behind. “I’m not going to walk around carrying a damn record player!”

“I’m not telling you to.” My dad argued back, clearly taking the conversation a lot more seriously than Blake. “But you can’t possibly think CDs are better.”

“I’m not saying CDs!” Blake laughed. “I’m talking about Spotify!”

“Oh yeah, just pay ten dollars a month to a company instead of giving bands their rightful…”

“Bye Dad!” I shouted, as Blake reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Just let me…” My dad tried to continue as he made it halfway down the stairs.

“Nope.” I shut him down. “Besides Blake’s just trying to annoy you, he doesn’t actually have a strong opinion on it.”

“I would never do that.” Blake smirked, turning back and looking at my dad.

“He’s been trolling me?” My Dad shouted looking from him to me.

“Oh, my god Dad!” I groaned. “Please stop trying to act young.”

“He is young.” Liz corrected in a grumble as she let her weight land right next to me.

“Thank you!” My dad smiled as he slowly began to walk back up the stairs. “At least someone in this house respects me!” I rolled my eyes and slowly stood up as my phone buzzed in my pocket, freezing my dad in his place. “Who’s here?”

“No one.” I shook my head heading towards the garage door. “Just Mike.” I lied, but knew my dad was catching onto my shady behavior. Liz popped her head up, confused by the conversation that was beginning to take place.

“Who else is invited?” She asked, looking from me to my dad.

“My favorite of Teddy’s friends.” My dad proudly smiled. “Sorry Liz, this kid took your place a week or two ago.”

She made a face as she slowly began to add together who it could be. “Ryder!” She exclaimed, as I pulled open the back door and waited for the figure to make his way in from the opening garage door. “Wait!” I heard her begin to argue. “Why is he your favorite? You just met him! I’ve been your favorite since I was a child!”

I let out a deep breath as I heard my dad turn around on the steps and walk downstairs. “Hope you’re ready to talk to your number one fan.” I groaned as he got into earshot.

“It’s cool.” He shrugged, immediately knowing who I was talking about. “I have something for him anyway.”

“What?” I smiled, as he pushed past me and into the large basement.

“Mr. Haner…” Ryder began as he reached into his jacket pocket.

“Harry.” My dad corrected him standing near the stairs as the teen approached.

“Harry.” Ryder corrected. “This is the first copy of the E.P. We um finished recording this version this morning, and it still has some work left.” He began to nervously explain as he crept into his own head “We don’t have a name, and I mean it doesn’t even have a name, it’s just um, if you could find the time and listen to it, and just…”

“I understand.” My dad nodded, taking the square from Ryder’s hand and bringing him in for a short embrace. “I’ll let you know what I think later today.”

Ryder gratefully smiled as my dad headed back up the stairs. “See!” Blake shouted at him. “He gave you a CD.”

“Don’t feed him!” I dismissed, before my dad had a chance to even respond to Blake’s teasing.

“What the hell is happening?” Liz shook her head as she turned from Ryder to me. “I know you said you two were hanging out, but coming to our group hang outs? E.Ps? Giving…”

“Being Harry’s favorite?” Blake teased, finishing her sentence for her. “I mean we all know I’m his actual favorite anyway. He’s just been telling you that these past few years to make you feel better.”

“Shut up!” Liz shouted, turning towards Ryder. “So what’s this about an E.P.?” She demanded, barely giving him anytime to settle in.

“Nothing.” He mumbled as I led him towards the couch, and sat him between me and Blake.

“Clearly it’s something!” She insisted, looking from him to me. “So, come on. Out with it!”

“Geez Liz!” I interrupted her with a shake of my head. “If he doesn’t want to tell you, he doesn’t have to.”

“What the hell is happening here?” She shook her head trying her hardest to put everything together. “Blake how are you not as curious as me?” He shrugged his shoulders and let out a big sigh, revealing that he wasn’t left in the dark about it the way she was. “Teddy!” She yelled, as though I had betrayed her trust. “Since when did we start keeping secrets in the group?”

“I didn’t keep any secrets.” I shook my head looking towards Blake. “I haven’t really spoken about any of it since I went over Blake’s house a week ago!”

“You didn’t need to.” Blake smiled, reminding us that there were two sides to this story.

“Ryder!” I exhaled in surprise as I turned to the quiet outline sitting next to me.

“What?” He defensively let out. “Did you honestly believe you were the only person I talk to?”

“No, but I assumed you would tell me you were telling my best friend stuff.” I argued, as our eyes locked.

“Why?” Ryder asked. “It’s none of your business if I’m telling him about my band.”

“Oh.” I softly let out, as I realized how much I had assumed was taking place.

“Wait.” Blake interrupted as he caught onto our hidden words. “What else could he have told me about?”

“Nothing.” I insisted, grabbing a pillow and slapping it across Ryder to shut Blake up.

“Oh!” Blake excitedly shouted. “They’re keeping something from us Liz!”

“Don’t be a dick Blake.” Liz rolled her eyes, not even having to hear what it was. It’s not like we could really hide it. The two openly gay kids, hanging out with one another, and bickering about who was texting who about what. It’s pretty easy to figure out.

Suddenly the upstairs door opened and heavy footsteps began to pound down the stairs “What’s up faggots?” The loud voice called out as he reached the halfway point. “Teddy, you missed such a good party last night, and for what? To…” He paused as he reached the floor and looked around at who was sitting on the couch. “What’s he doing here?” Mike sneered staring right at Ryder, as if this was some type of game.

“Same thing you are.” I shrugged, trying my hardest to not show his question much attention.

He rolled his eyes and made a face to Blake before taking a seat next to Liz. “So…” Liz began again. “What was that about an E.P.?”

“It’s really nothing.” Ryder mumbled, clearly holding back more than he was a minute ago.

“It’s not nothing.” I corrected staring him down as he kept his eyes towards his feet. “He’s just being humble.” Ryder rolled his eyes, scared to speak up for himself. “He can sing any vocal style you ask him to.” I blurted out, in an attempt to pull him out of his shell.

“That’s not true.” He exhaled, with a slow shake of his head.

I made a face towards Blake who gave me an encouraging nod. “He can sing, scream, rap…you name it, he can do it.”

“Rap?” Mike snickered, prepared to start making fun of him.

Before he could continue his sentence, Liz reached over and elbowed him in the side. “I’ve always wanted to learn to sing, who taught you?”

“Family.” Ryder answered, before I had the chance to speak up. “But it’s something you need to understand before you can learn it.”

“What do you mean?” She asked couriously as he slowly began to raise his head.

“You need to feel the rhythm, to know what’s coming next, to let it flow through you.” He explained in a nervous voice. “If you understand it, your voice can flow into any style.”

“Okay.” Mike giggled. “Just like you can rap.”

“He can!” I defended him. “I’ve heard him, he’s actually really good.”

“What rap do you listen to?” Blake offered, doing his best to overshadow Mike’s negative comments. “Tech N9ne? Or bands like Linkin Park?”

“More from bands.” He shrugged. “But every now and then, I’ll check in on some rappers. I don’t know, it’s not something I listen to that much. Just one of those things I wanted to figure out.”

“Figure out?” Liz repeated, actually taking interest in what he was saying.

“Yeah.” Ryder let out, leaning towards me to grow more comfortable. “Like when I sing, I let it flow out of me. When I scream, I tap into what my soul has to say. But when I rap, I go into my brain. It’s about breaking down words and forcing them into your lyrics.”

“So what, you’re a rapper now?” Mike laughed, looking to me as if I would support his mocking tone.

“No.” Ryder shut him down. “But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t learn how to.”

“It’s about working out all the parts of your game.” I supported. “Like Mike, you know how to pitch, but you’re not a pitcher. It’s just good to add diversity.”

“Except one of our futures is actually headed somewhere.” Mike scoffed, still not taking anything Ryder was saying seriously.

“Probably the one with the record deal.” Ryder unexpectedly shot back.

“What did you say?” Mike hissed, as the words hit his ears.

“You heard me.” Ryder shrugged, beginning to show his fangs. “What? You think playing baseball in a New Jersey high school is going to take you somewhere?”

“Yeah, well, I’m being scouted by D-one schools, so I think I’ll…”

“You and how many other people?” Ryder interrupted, going on the attack. I always knew he had this side to him, but it’s weird actually seeing it come out against one of his bullies. “You think your future is so set, but we all know this is your peak.” Ryder shook his head as Mike began to speak. “Oh shut up already, you’re not even the best on the team, and you’re talking like you’re the best in the state.” Blake looked at me and smirked. Somehow, this wasn’t shocking to him. It was almost normal.

“You never know when to shut your damn mouth.” Mike angrily shook his head. “Senior year is going to be a rough one for you.”

“Fuck you, I won’t even be in school anymore.” Ryder shook off, not giving in to anything Mike was saying. “One way or another my band will be on tour come September, maybe even sooner. You don’t mean shit to me anymore.”

Mike began to grind his teeth as he came to the realization that if Ryder did leave high school he would have no way to get back at him. “You better pray that your little band finds that…”

“Shut up!” I snapped, jumping up and putting myself between the two of them. “Does everything have to be all out war between you two? What? You both can’t find a way to get along for 5 minutes? Not even for me?”

“Oh come on Teddy, it was never going to…”

“Just stop Mike.” I cut him off, walking towards the sliding doors to get a grip on everything. I saw Ryder’s reflection begrudgingly staring at me through the glass and quickly yanked them open to tear away the picture.

Before I knew it, I heard the familiar heavy footsteps before the glass doors pulled open then shut again “Come on, Teddy.” Mike continued, not even giving me a second to cool off. “What did you expect to happen? Did you really think you could put the two of us in a room and we wouldn’t fight?”

“I expected you both to be bigger people for once!” I lectured, turning around and staring at him. “I expected you to stop pushing his buttons every chance you get! Who are you showing off to Mike? Me, Blake and Liz are all cool with him. None of us are impressed by your jokes. None of us even find them funny, you just look like a dick.”

“But he…”

“But he what Mike?” I shook my head. “Did he hurt your feelings? Are you going to cry?” I mocked shaking my head. “You started with him! What he said wasn’t cool, but at least it wasn’t out of nowhere.”

“Go back inside Mike.” Ryder interrupted us, sliding open the doors.

“What?” Mike asked shaking his head. “No, I can handle...”

“You’re just making it worse, go, we’ll be right back in.” Ryder exhaled, stepping aside and waving Mike back in.

“Who are you that you think you know Teddy better than me?” Mike began, but quickly started walking back inside as he realized he was just starting another fight.

Ryder shrugged his shoulders and waited for his turn to be yelled at, but I fell quiet, not knowing what to say to him. Was what he said justified? Does he always fight back? “Sorry.” He finally forced out something. “But I don’t understand what you wanted to happen. Did you think Mike and I were just going to get along because you were there?”

“No.” I sighed with a shaking head. “I thought you guys would just be civil to one another. That you would at least tolerate each other. I mean that’s one of my best friends, and you’re basically my boyfriend. You’re going to wind up in a room together sooner or later.”

“So this was about you making sure all your pieces fit together nicely?” Ryder asked, not understanding what I was trying to take out of today.

“No.” I grumbled. “It’s to show you that I want you around my friends, no matter who my friends are. It’s about showing you that you can come hangout with me whenever you want. It’s about me showing you that I like you enough to show you off to them, but if you two want this to be a grudge match, then you can both just go home.” Ryder’s eyes fell as he realized what I wanted for us. “Well don’t feel bad about it, now you’re just making me feel like a douche.”

“You are a douche.” Ryder teased, giving me a light hug.

“And you’re an asshole.” I smiled as he let me go so not to be overly suspicious. “Think you can go at least an hour without killing one another?”

“Yeah.” Ryder nodded. “For you I can.”

As we walked back into the basement I saw Ryder and Mike lock eyes, but quickly let it go. “So Liz,” Ryder began, going out of his way to start a conversation, “why do you want to learn to sing?”

She shrugged her shoulders, and forced a friendly smile. “Just seems like a really cool way to blow off some stress.”

“Then why’s Ryder always look like he’s about to explode into a giant mess of anxiety and nerves?” Blake teased, giving Ryder a friendly shove as he sat back down.

“Because music isn’t a hobby for him, it’s an obsession.” I replied, already knowing his answer.

Mike rolled his eyes at my words and turned towards Ryder. “This kid always thinks he can finish people’s sentences, am I right?” he let out, in a forced effort to bond with Ryder.

“Yup!” Ryder nodded, but I could tell their conversation was awkward for the both of them. “But it has become an obsession. Even now…” He held off his words, but turned to me, reminding himself that he was safe. “My mind is overflowing with rhythms and lyrics.”

“Then sing something.” Blake antagonized, as he began to burst into his normally energetic self. The more I get to know Ryder the more I realize the only thing separating he and Blake is how extraverted Blake is. Blake dresses the same, listens to the same music, hell almost talks the same. But the one big difference is that Blake loves to talk to people, maybe even more than I do! I mean sure, he has a different take on everything, but fuck if he doesn’t know almost as many people as I do.

“It’s not that simple.” Ryder started shutting down. “I hear the rhythms first, then I match the words in my head to them.” He shyly admitted. “I know it doesn’t really make sense, but that’s how I work.”

“Then why do you keep a notebook?” I provoked, trying to snuff out any bullshit he was trying to sell.

“Because I just do.” He lied, trying his hardest to work his way out of singing.

“You are such a liar!” I giggled, pushing him towards Blake. “You’re totally trying to B.S. your way out of singing!”

“Ryder would never.” Blake teased, grabbing onto his shoulder and applying some pressure.

I heard Mike involuntary snicker off in the distance, put off by all the attention we were giving the new kid. “So, Mike, how was last night’s party?” Liz offered, hoping to stay ahead of any confrontation that could start up.

“It was wild.” Mike shook his head, finally able to talk about what’s been on his mind all day. “Teddy you should’ve been there man.” He half smiled, recalling last night’s festivities. “Everyone was asking about you, I mean it was supposed to be a hangout, but damn did it get out of control. You know Jenny Carmichael?” He asked, noticing that my attention was already starting to fall back to Ryder.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “You’ve had a thing for her since like freshman year.”

“Well we hooked up last night!” He proudly bragged, looking for any attention he could get at this point.

“That’s great man.” I nodded, still noticing Ryder lightly tapping his thumbs against his outer thigh, while gently tapping his foot. Even now he’s working on something. It’s like he can hear the music without even having any instruments. Like it’s just there in his head.

“So are you two headed anywhere?” Blake contributed, continuing to stroke Mike’s ego.

“Maybe, I don’t know, she’s sort of a slut.” He let out, in his normal douchy tone. “Teddy what do you think I should do?”

I shrugged my shoulders and looked back over to him. “If you like her, then go after her.” I answered, not knowing what else to say. “But calling her a slut isn’t exactly a good start.”

“I said she’s sort of a slut.” Mike corrected. “And that’s all women. They’re all sort of sluts.”

I heard a dismissive chuckle escape Ryder, as if to say ‘how much of a dick can this kid be?’ But he quickly straightened himself up and tried to act like it was a cough.

“Excuse me?” Liz gasped, as Mike’s words finally connected with her.

“I didn’t mean you.” Mike rolled his eyes. “I don’t even think of you as a girl.”

“Oh shit!” Blake let out in a laugh, knowing that Ryder and Mike’s fight was going to be child’s play compared to what was about to happen.

“So, you don’t see me as a woman?” Her stare grew intense. “Because if you do, then you must see me as a slut since all women are sluts.”

“Don’t do that thing.” Mike groaned with another roll of his eyes.

“What thing?” She growled, starting to grow angrier by the second.

“That thing where you blow what I say out of proportion.” He shrugged. “You always do it when you get mad.”

“Well then maybe you should stop pissing me off!” She yelped, showing that she wasn’t about to play around with him the way he thought she would.

“Alright!” Ryder let out popping up. “Let’s take a time out.” He urged, trying to direct her to the backyard.

“I don’t need a time out.” She argued, keeping her eyes on Mike’s. “I need Mike to get over himself.”

“Okay, and we can talk about that outside.” He encouraged, slowly opening the sliding glass doors. “You can work out a rant and all, it’ll be great.”

She begrudgingly stood up, and following him out the door, all while staring down Mike. “Girls!” Mike shook his head as Ryder shut the door behind her. “They are so emotional.”

“Dude!” I reprimanded. “Why are you being such a douche today?”

“Me?” Mike defensively let out. “I’m not doing anything. You’re barely even paying attention to what’s being said, but of course I’m the douche.”

“You called Liz a slut, then called her emotional when she got mad.” Blake explained in an attempt to clarify where I was coming from. “That’s pretty douchey.”

“You’re seriously taking his side here?” Mike threw his hands up, and glanced out the back door where Ryder was leaning against the nearby wall, letting Liz angrily shout in his face. “As if three against one wasn’t bad enough!”

“Sides?” Blake repeated, almost surprised by how naïve mike was being. “There are no sides here, and no one’s against anyone.”

“Yeah whatever.” Mike grumbled, standing up and heading towards the garage door.

“Where are you going?” I sighed with a quick shake of my head.

“Home.” He mumbled, not even daring to slow down. “I didn’t come all this way hung-over just to get attacked.”

“No one’s attacking you.” I began, as he opened the heavy door. “Come on, Mike.” I pleaded with him as the door slammed behind him.

“Leave it.” Blake shrugged as the roar of the garage door opening filled the room. “It’s for the best. It’s just one of those days with him.”

“It’s been a long time since it wasn’t.” I complained, realizing how many times I’ve excused his shitty behavior.

Blake went to say something, but stopped himself as Liz and Ryder wandered back into the basement. “Yo Teddy!” Ryder began in a deep voice. “I totally hooked up with this chick Kaitlyn last night, you totally should’ve been there.” He mimicked, much to the enjoyment of Liz.

“Stop.” I protested, wishing he could’ve had a better impression of Mike, but instead it was just more of the same. “He’s really not that bad of a guy.”

“Sure, he’s not.” Liz sarcastically supported, fed up with his recent behavior.

“It was just a bad day.” I defended, not sure why I was even trying.

“Well when his streak of bad days ends, you can come talk to me.” She dismissed. “Until that day, I’m over it.”

I turned towards Ryder and let out a long sigh, knowing that her words were most likely provoked by an outside source. He stayed quiet, and suddenly I realized he wasn’t staring at me, but at the rack of guitars which laid against the back wall of the basement. I swear, I could bend over backwards for this kid, but at the end of the day his main priority will always be music. “You can play one if you want.” I exhaled, realizing it would bring a much needed change of topic.

“Yeah?” He happily replied, much to the surprise of Blake, Liz, and myself.

“Yeah!” I couldn’t help but laugh. It’s almost like he’s comfortable around the three of us. As if Liz has easily made the transition into the people he likes. Once more I found myself giggling as he grabbed a guitar and dragged over one of the small amps.

“You sure your dad won’t mind?” He double checked, as he quickly pulled a small pick out of his pocket.

“Please! He’d kill me if I tried to stop you.” I shrugged. After hearing that, he didn’t hesitate to flick it on and tune the guitar.

“Blake, look what I’ve got.” Ryder smiled, flashing a pick with a familiar script “B” on it.

“Whoa!” Blake jumped up to get a closer look at the small triangle in his hand. “What did you order it online?”

“I got it at the concert you wouldn’t come to a few months ago.” Ryder teased with a light smile. “Caleb threw it into the crowd and I was lucky enough to grab it.”

Liz and I shared a confused moment, until finally Blake rolled his eyes and turned to me. “Doesn’t that even look slightly familiar?” I shrugged, knowing I had seen it somewhere before. “You wore one of their t-shirts to Ryder’s show. A shirt you still haven’t given back to me.”

“Sorry.” I embarrassingly laughed, recalling the black t-shirt that had a circular rainbow flag and script “B” in the middle. “Why was it pride based again?”

“It was a fundraiser for the Pulse shooting.” Ryder quickly explained, before strumming some light notes. “Here, I’ll play a part of one of their songs.” He excitedly announced. I don’t think I’ve ever really seen him offer to play a song. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever really seen him this friendly.

Before I knew it, a dark melodic song filled the air as he gently swayed his head back and forth. I could see surprise fill Liz’s face as she got her first taste of Ryder’s sweet singing voice. The melody filled the air as though it was pure and kind, yet when you truly listened to what he was singing, you could hear the pain underneath. Either way she was swept away by his voice. Shocked that the thing he was made fun of most for was actually full of more talent than most of the people at Hudson.

Her face grew even more shocked as the last few lines of his singing turned into a roaring growl. “Whoa!” She involuntarily let out. A few seconds of her staring at Ryder passed before she narrowed her eyes and slightly tilted her head. “Why do you scream?”

“What?” He asked, playing some light notes to keep his anxious fingers working.

“If you can sing so well, why do you scream?” She elaborated. “Like you don’t need to scream. So, why do it?”

“I don’t know.” He lied with an embarrassed shrug of his shoulders. “Just kind of how the song goes.”

“Yeah, but you scream in the songs you’ve written.” I analyzed, not allowing him any room to escape the question.

“Guess I just like the style.” He excused, trying his hardest to side step the question.

“But like, aren’t you worried about hurting your voice?” Liz observed, trying her hardest to keep eye contact with the frail teen.

“I’d rather blow out my voice by thirty singing what I want than have a healthy voice my whole life.” He shrugged. “Besides, I know how to scream the right way. I’ve been doing it since I was four without any problems.”

“You’ve sang like this since you were four?” I repeated, trying to recall what his grandma was talking about.

“Uh, yeah.” He nodded, looking down at the guitar in his hands. I could tell by his reaction that he had gotten lost in the moment, and spoken more about his life than he actually wanted to. “I always have I guess.”

I saw Liz look to Blake then over to me. “So, no one at school knows he’s this talented but you two?”

“I’m not talented.” Ryder groaned from next to us, but it was too late. Once Liz makes up her mind about something, well there’s no changing it.

“Yup!” I nodded, ignoring Ryder’s words. “No one will give him a chance, they’re too scared.”

“But why?” Liz shook her head.

“Isn’t that the golden question?” Blake smiled, gearing up for a rant. “Because at the end of the day, we’re all just sheep looking for a flock. And unfortunately for Jimmy Hendrix over there, one of the lead sheep at our school decided that rock music wasn’t cool and Ryder became a black sheep.”

“Lead sheep?” Ryder repeated, trying to derail the conversation.

“You get the point.” Blake nodded. “Some asshole jock said you weren’t cool in middle school. Then all his teammates supported it, and BAM! You’ve been the butt of everyone’s jokes ever since.”

“But still.” Liz shook her head in denial. “I mean, don’t they realize what they’re making fun of. Have they even heard you sing? They’d be left…”

“I don’t sing for popularity.” Ryder grunted, focusing more on the guitar than his words.

“You’ve done it now.” I teased, proud of his answer. “I got this speech two times yesterday.”

“Because you didn’t take it seriously.” Ryder bit, not recognizing the joking tone in my voice. “I don’t care what they think, or if I’m a black sheep. I just want to play music and be left alone.” A few seconds of silence passed before Ryder looked up, realizing his words were harsher than he intended. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He sighed. “I, you guys, I’m glad to be here, and not alone. I just meant that all those people at school, they can eat shit.”

“So, you don’t want any revenge?” Liz poked, curious to see who Ryder really was. “After all they’ve done to you, not even a little bit?”

“No.” he shook his head. “Once I leave that place, I’m not turning back. Like I said to you outside, the world will come full circle on those douchebags when they’re pumping gas for a living. Why should I weigh myself down trying to get revenge on them?”

Liz made a confused face at his words and turned towards me. “This is Ryder Sullivan right?” She asked, still trying to piece together who Ryder really is.

“I told you he wasn’t who everyone thought he was.” I shrugged, looking over at the blushing outline standing near me.

“No, I told you that.” Blake corrected with a proud nod. “If it wasn’t for me, he would’ve never gone to your party.”

“Well if Mike never hit those books out of his hands, I would’ve never invited him, so really we have to thank him.” I mocked, sticking out my tongue at Blake.

“Over my dead body!” Ryder commented, still not fully looking up.

Blake giggled to himself as he saw another opening to start some trouble. “You really hate him, huh?” Ryder kept quiet, not wanting to give in to the bait. “What is he? Top of your shit list? He has to be.”

“What are you doing Blake?” I sighed, wishing he would stop poking the bear already.

“Giving Ryder a chance to speak his mind without you forcing an opinion on him.” Blake smiled. “I mean, sure, Liz and I like Mike just as much as you do, but we know there’s not much good to him, whereas you…”

“Come on, that’s not really fair…” I began, falling right into Blake’s trap.

“Exactly.” Blake laughed. “You can’t even let me finish a sentence about him without interrupting, how are you ever going to hear Ryder’s opinion of him?”

I bit down on my lip and thought over his words before letting out a deep sigh, and turning towards Ryder. “Go head, I’ll be quiet.”

“You already know how I feel.” Ryder dismissed, refusing to give into the peer pressure growing in the room.

“Come on.” Liz protested. “I vented to you about him, now it’s your turn to vent.”

Ryder let out a long breath before turning and looking me in the eyes. “Why are you even friends with him?” He asked. “He was the main reason I hated you up until this year. He’s everything you’re not, and yet you worship the ground he walks on.” I went to speak, but bit my tongue remembering what I had agreed to. “He needs to be the number one in everything he does, and if anyone ever makes him feel challenged, even in the slightest, he finds someone to take it out on. It’s like hurting other people makes him feel better. Look at what he said to Liz. How can you sit there and defend him?”

“I don’t always defend him.” I muttered, shifting my mouth from side to side.

“You do it enough for everyone to notice.” Ryder exhaled, looking directly into my eyes. “The soft spot you have for him is going to ruin you.”

“That got more real than I expected.” Blake analyzed, nodding towards Liz. “It’s no wonder they hate him so much.”

Ryder shrugged his shoulders and began to strum the guitar again. “They just don’t like the truth.”

“Wait.” I shook my head. “You say this stuff to their faces’?”

“Gotta fight back somehow.” He mysteriously answered, but before I could ask anything else my dad walked downstairs and waved Ryder over.

“It’s amazing how weird people can make someone seem.” Liz observed, as I carefully watched the conversation taking place at the base of the stairs. “I mean sure, I spoke to Ryder at that party, but damn, I didn’t expect him to be so cool.”

“Yeah.” I muttered, trying my hardest to read my dad’s lips as their talk grew a little more emotional.

“I told you guys.” Blake proudly exhaled. “He’s a cool guy, I don’t talk to anyone unless they are.”

“Oh please, you and Teddy would talk to a corpse.” Liz dismissed, finally realizing where my attention laid. “You’ve got it bad for him, don’t you?”

“No.” I lied, turning my head towards her, but keeping my eyes on the back of Ryder.

“Oh yeah he does.” Blake smiled. “He wouldn’t’ve put Mike and Ryder in the same room unless he wanted to see if they could mesh. That’s what this is isn’t it? A test?”

“No.” I repeated, finally looking away from Ryder and towards Blake. “This was to show Ryder that he could hang out…”

“Spare me the bullshit, it may work on Ryder, but it doesn’t work on me.” Blake interrupted. “So what are you going to do now that your little test failed?” I grew quiet as Blake slowly added pressure. “I mean, two out of three of your friends approve, but you still don’t have approval from the person that matters to you the most.” A smirk began across Blake’s face as he wove together a trap for me. “What are you going to do Teddy? Give into your crush, or let your loyalty for Mike ruin it?”

“Loyalty to Mike? Or popularity?” Liz weighed in. “I don’t think Teddy gives two shits about Mike, but those school votes, those are what he wants, isn’t it?” She poked, smirking towards Blake.

“You guys are assholes.” I grunted, returning my glare to Ryder and my dad.

“We just may be,” Blake shrugged, “but this is one of those rare times where we get to see into that pretty little head of yours. Where we see the true Teddy Haner. A time when we can see if you’ll actually put your money where your mouth is, or if you’re as fake as people claim you are.”

“You honestly think that?” I spit, starting to get genuinely annoyed.

“No.” Liz quickly answered. “I just like pushing your buttons.”

“I might.” Blake honestly let out. “Don’t get it twisted, I love you to death, and always will, but remember the last time you were in this situation?”

“Shut up.” I grunted, sinking further into my seat.

Blake’s eyes drifted towards Liz as he nodded his head. “Silence speaks volumes.”

I shifted my mouth, but couldn’t find any words to speak. What could I say? That he was wrong? That he was lying? That he was out to get me? This is Blake. He’s been the voice in my ear since day one. Most importantly, as much as he pushes my buttons, and starts trouble, he’s never once lied to me. Even now, he tells me exactly what he’s thinking. As mad as I am, damn, I never want him to stop.

The conversation shifted as Ryder returned from talking to my Dad. I guess they were speaking about the E.P., yet it seemed like there was so much more going on. Like they had connected in some way. I can’t put my finger on it, but it felt like they were talking about so much more than music. As though there was a side to Ryder that only my dad knows.

As I locked eyes with the teen in black, my mind couldn’t help but race through a variety of different ideas. What will I do? Am I honestly going to let Mike and everyone at school tell me who I can and cannot date? Am I going to let it all fall through because Mike was being an asshole? What the hell were my Dad and Ryder talking about, and why did it go to such a deep place? What does Blake actually think about this? And if I choose popularity, will he still look at me the same?

 

*Beartooth "King of Anything"