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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

So Weeps the Willow - 1. Sobriety - Day 0

Jake's Blog Entry #1

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Day 0

 

My head hurts so goddamn much, I’m having a hard time thinking, but I need to get this out. I rolled out of bed an hour ago, drank water with a couple of aspirin, guzzled some antacid, and then lay down on the couch. I’ve been hurting about the same ever since, until something stirred in me. For some reason, this morning is making me realize something.

Fuck!

I was trying to think of the last time I woke up and didn’t do these things. Every morning I’m hung over, head hurting, stomach sour, and feeling like shit. It’s been some time, at least a month, and it scared the shit out of me.

A thirty-four-year-old man shouldn’t have to medicate himself every morning, well, sometimes, early afternoon, just to not hurt. Something isn’t right about it. Maybe I’ve been depressed and drinking a little more, or maybe my life is so fucking boring I don’t have anything else to do.

My head is pounding as I write this, Jesus Christ, it’s miserable.

Anyway, it could be getting older has made it harder to recover. When I was in college, I could drink all night, go to class, then play beer pong in the afternoon before going to work. Alcohol held no sway over me then. I could do it all and jump out of bed without a problem. That’s probably it. I’m getting old. Or, something else is happening.

Therefore, I’m committing a promise to this blog, and anyone who wants to read my ramblings, to go sober for the next thirty days. I will use this as an experiment, a case study in taking control of my life. After all, I’m a psych major who, like most psych majors, doesn’t practice in their field. I’m a waiter. My friend Maisie from college is an office manager of a real estate group. My ex is a construction worker. My college roommate is now a high school special needs teacher. We were all psych majors, and we all are doing something else.

I miss it though. I loved doing research, case studies, field studies, surveys, interviews, reading others’ work. Hell, I even liked crunching the data. I have my masters, but then I quit. I’m not sure why. Maybe this little exploration will remind me.

My headache is getting a little better. It only feels like someone is hitting my temple with a ball peen hammer, instead of a claw hammer like a few minutes ago. My stomach is settling down too. I should get some breakfast. Maybe some toast, or a bagel, nothing very heavy. It’s still a little gurgly.

To get started, I should tell you about last night, what I’m going to call, Day Minus One. Today I’ll call Day Zero, because I know I still have alcohol in my system from last night. How do I know? Because I can still smell it on my breath, Christ on a crutch, I drank about ten drinks. About. Perhaps a little more.

I’m not sure. Last night after work, Nats and I went to Gallivant’s. Who’s that? Nats is also a server, like me, at the Fisherman’s Wake, an Irish restaurant downtown. When we both work, we usually end up going out afterwards for a drink or two. We play some darts, on Wednesday’s there’s karaoke, and chillax. That’s Nats’ word, ’chillax.’ I prefer ‘decompressing’. Regardless, we walked over to Gallivant’s and had a few while talking about our night.

Nats had the worst customer, some crazy lady who tried to use a fish stick coupon for her meal. Yes, we are an Irish pub with fish and chips and things like that, but using a Gorton’s Breaded Fish Filet dollar off coupon? Really? Then she got mad, yelled at Nats and finally stormed out without paying for her drink.

I got stiffed a couple of times by old people. Other than that, my night wasn’t too bad. Well, except for Steve. But, he’s a player, I think, so I’ve come to expect it of him. He uses people and tosses them away. I know that. Still, seeing him with…it hurt a little.

So, nothing bad happened to make me drink a little too much. I think we were playing pool and the drinks just kept flowing. I wonder how bad Nats is today, now, at this time, oh, yeah, it’s almost noon.

I’m off tonight. I don’t know what I should do except maybe rent a couple of movies, go to the liquor store… wait, scratch that. I should research this first. I know a few things about sobering up. For example, I know you have to be healthy to do so. If you have a heart condition, it could kill you. I also know you need to change your habits, for example, if you usually have a drink when you go out to eat, you should go elsewhere. A different restaurant, because habits reinforce things, reinforce behavior.

God, my fucking head hurts. I can do this. I think I need to.

I’ll do a little more research and go over the things I should expect. I don’t drink that much. It’s not like I’m an alcoholic. I only have a few after work. It’s not a big deal to quit. Besides, tomorrow morning I’m going to feel amazing. After this awful hangover, I need to give my liver a break.

I should go to the gym. I can sweat some of this booze out of my pores and then have a nice meal, vegetarian or vegan or something, and maybe a smoothie. If I eat and drink healthy things, it will get the toxins out of my system faster, right? It makes sense.

Time to turn over a new leaf. Let’s get this ball rolling. I’m feeling a little better already. I can make this a good thing, a positive step. I’ll go cold turkey for a month, get my body back into shape, and feel better. It’s going to be a good thing.

Instead of going to some self-help group, I’ll use this blog as my therapist. I will use my knowledge and acumen to get my head together. Did you like the word, ‘acumen’? It sounds like something a psychologist would use. I’m almost one. Pretty close, I think.

Maybe I’ll call my sister. She’s always got a different perspective. I could use that.

Or else, I could call Eddie. I miss him. Until tomorrow peeps!

Let's see how Jake's non-drinking resolve works on Day 1
Copyright © 2017 Cole Matthews; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Chapter Comments

  • Popular Comment
Headstall
  • Popular Comment

I like the idea of a blog, Cole. It's a great way to see him work through his thoughts. I'm intrigued already, maybe because I've been in this almost exact place, falling into a pattern that is self-destructive. As younger men and women, we can think ourselves invincible, but then reality smacks us in the face. We're not, and we have to take control. People are naive to think this kind of crisis is only for the middle aged. I've had a few of these in my life, where I've had to re-evaluate what I'm doing and where I'm headed. The key for me was finding out what I really needed... no easy chore... I wish Jake luck, and look forward to reading about his journey... cheers... Gary....

  • Like 10
Defiance19

Interesting..

Jake's thoughts reminded me of making New Year resolutions in doing all the outward things,  but  the blog could work. 

There are hints of his state of mind and things which may be contributing to his drinking. The responses to the blog could invite serious introspection that could help him. Or, it could take a while. 

In his own words/mind he is not an alcoholic and quitting is easy (sure).  So he could use the blog to further excuse or rationalise why he drinks. 

 

At least some part of him knows that he needs to do something.  I'm looking forward to what is sure to be a struggle as he goes through this. 

  • Like 5
  • Popular Comment
JeffreyL
  • Popular Comment

It's an interesting premise. I am not certain Jake has a realistic expectation for becoming sober and healthy quickly. I am not certain what the clinical definition of alcoholic is, but I'd bet Jake's picture is by the definition in the dictionary. I like the premise of telling the story through journal entries. I'm looking forward to reading more.

  • Like 7
Cole Matthews
On 8/29/2017 at 6:36 PM, droughtquake said:

I see problems with Jake's approach. I’ve never even had a drop of alcohol, but I’ve known many alcoholics (mostly from when I was homeless). There are reasons why doctors are discouraged from treating themselves…  ;-)

 

Very true! Thanks for the comment.  Jake's got a complicated history with addiction as you will see.  More than anything, I believe he's scared at this point.  

  • Like 4
Cole Matthews
On 8/29/2017 at 7:13 PM, Mikiesboy said:

Hmmm, the blog as therapist. Not saying he would, but it is oh so easy to lie to yourself and your blog.  Interesting approach, Cole. Looking forward to the rest. 

 

Self-delusion is the default of an addict.  You are absolutely right, but he has one thing going for him.  I appreciate the insightful comment.  

 

On 8/29/2017 at 7:18 PM, Headstall said:

I like the idea of a blog, Cole. It's a great way to see him work through his thoughts. I'm intrigued already, maybe because I've been in this almost exact place, falling into a pattern that is self-destructive. As younger men and women, we can think ourselves invincible, but then reality smacks us in the face. We're not, and we have to take control. People are naive to think this kind of crisis is only for the middle aged. I've had a few of these in my life, where I've had to re-evaluate what I'm doing and where I'm headed. The key for me was finding out what I really needed... no easy chore... I wish Jake luck, and look forward to reading about his journey... cheers... Gary....

 

I'm glad you like the idea of using the blog to look into his mind and develop Jake's character.   The young are as likely to have chemical issues as older people.  Thanks for the lovely comment.  

 

On 8/30/2017 at 8:27 AM, Defiance19 said:

Interesting..

Jake's thoughts reminded me of making New Year resolutions in doing all the outward things,  but  the blog could work. 

There are hints of his state of mind and things which may be contributing to his drinking. The responses to the blog could invite serious introspection that could help him. Or, it could take a while. 

In his own words/mind he is not an alcoholic and quitting is easy (sure).  So he could use the blog to further excuse or rationalise why he drinks. 

 

At least some part of him knows that he needs to do something.  I'm looking forward to what is sure to be a struggle as he goes through this. 

 

There will be a great deal of self-reflection going on.  Thanks for the delightful review.  

 

I think I should start a discussion thread for this story.  I was going to wait, but I should do it now!..

  • Like 4
Cole Matthews
On 8/30/2017 at 1:48 PM, Sam Wyer said:

Yep - I'm in!  I also have a lot of questions, but a lot of those are bound to get answered some time.

 

Thanks for reading and commenting.  There are more questions than answers, especially at first.  I love hearing opinions, so don't be shy.

 

On 8/30/2017 at 9:50 PM, JeffreyL said:

It's an interesting premise. I am not certain Jake has a realistic expectation for becoming sober and healthy quickly. I am not certain what the clinical definition of alcoholic is, but I'd bet Jake's picture is by the definition in the dictionary. I like the premise of telling the story through journal entries. I'm looking forward to reading more.

 

I was a little worried readers wouldn't like using the blog to reveal pieces of Jake's life and character as the entries flow.  Thanks for the wonderful comments.  

  • Like 3
Cole Matthews
On 8/29/2017 at 8:16 PM, AC Benus said:

Optimism. That comes through pretty clear in Jake's Day 0.

 

There's also some mystery concerning his past relationships, and these hints you weave into the tale masterfully.

 

Looking forward to more :)

 

Thanks AC!  I believe Jake is probably overly optimistic, but we will see what's next. 

 

On 8/29/2017 at 9:36 PM, Lisa said:

I love it so far, Cole. :)

 

It's great that Jake wants to feel better and stop drinking. But...I think he needs to admit he's an alcoholic, or at least admit he has a big drinking problem. Isn't that the first step?

 

I like the title -- So Weeps the Willow -- a play on the weeping willow tree?

 

The picture on my signature card and in the header of the story is a weeping willow that's my favorite tree ever.  It started growing the year I was born.  It was knocked down by the wind last year.  I know it sounds weird, but I'm using this tree as a motif later in the story.   Thanks so much Lisa for a lovely review.  

  • Like 4
Cole Matthews
On 9/5/2017 at 10:48 PM, stanollie said:

Oh, that is one awful hangover.  Trouble is real drunks don't have hangovers.  We never got sober long enough to have them.  I hope he will get sober before it kills him.  So good to work again, to love people again.  To wake up again.

 

That's absolutely right.  Jake is recognizing his problem.  This is only the beginning, and he is worried.  

Thanks for the insights.  You're right on the nose!

  • Like 1
Cole Matthews
On 9/9/2017 at 4:38 PM, Puppilull said:

A comfy way to distance yourself from your problems - turn them into an experiment and observe. Trouble is you're observing yourself. His denial isn't complete, since he's decided to give sobriety a test. Going public could add some pressure to succeed. But how many read his blog?

 

Those are excellent questions and you're right about making it an experiment.  Jake has to do something, he knows that.  I think he's the kind of guy who needs a plan of sorts.  Thanks for your thoughts.  Lots to come!

  • Like 1
Cole Matthews
7 hours ago, Lisa said:

Hmm, I don't remember everything about the original prologue, but I'm pretty sure Eddie wasn't mentioned.  Was that it, or did I miss more? :lol: My memory isn't what it used to be, Cole! haha

 

The prologue will be posted tonight. This is the first chapter, so to speak.  I’ll end Sobriety with the last segment as well.  Next week we begin the next part of So Weeps with “Discovery.”  Thanks Lisa! 😘

  • Like 1
Cole Matthews
22 hours ago, Rigby Taylor said:

Quote: <<if you usually have a drink when you go out to eat, you should go elsewhere.  A different restaurant, because habits reinforce things, reinforce behaviour.>>

Very good. Very well written. Very believable. Exactly how an addict tries to convince himself. 

 

 

Thank you!  It really enforces my approach.  I hope you enjoy the story.  

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