Time Will Tell - 11. Chapter 11

Cindy

Why does it feel like I can’t anything right? Why does it have to come down to this? Just why? Why, why, why!!!

I ask myself everyday for the past two years why does my husband hate me and the kids? This is not how it was supposed to go. We were a loving family at one point in time. And then Jerald lost his job, he tried getting another one, but word got around that he’s mean, can’t follow directions easily, comes to work drunk sometimes, or doesn’t even come in at all. It wasn’t easy for him.

I know that sounds like I’m covering for him and you’d be correct. What is a wife supposed to do? Just let your husband be an asshole because he doesn’t have a job? I don’t think so. So I did everything that I thought I could.

But it wasn’t enough, Jerald became ruthless, angry. He drank all day every day. Sometimes not even coming home. He isn’t a nice man.

One day while I was doing the dishes, the boys come running through the house. Being you know boys, rambunctious, full of life. The kind that brings a smile to your face. However, their father got woken up by this and yells at them for being loud while he slept. I told them to go outside, and to stay away for a while.

Turning to him, he had this nasty scowl on his face. Pure hatred. I looked at him with love and affection. I asked him why he has to be so mean to the boys. They’re just trying to have fun. Jerald scoffed at me, grabs a beer and stalks off to the couch.

What happened to this lovely home that we built? It never used to bother Jerald that the boys were loud, excited, and full of energy. They are after all kids.

When night time fell, the boys came home and had supper. I put them to bed and read them a goodnight story. Upon leaving their room, Jerald caught me off guard and shoved me into the wall. He had me pinned there, with my arms behind my back. I couldn’t fight him. Every time I would resist or have the urge to try to yank my hands free. He would force my arms up, making me yelp in pain.

I literally couldn’t do anything but submit to him. After a bit, he releases me, but not without another shove into the wall, this time with my head. Sliding down the wall, I wrap my arms around my legs and cry into my lap.

When Jerald called out saying that he is going to bed, I got up. Cleaned my face, looked at myself in the mirror. I saw a scared little girl staring back at me. Not a woman but a little girl. Thinking quickly, I step quietly into the hallway, open the boy’s door to check on them.

Leaving the house that night, I looked over my shoulder to my home, my house. I couldn’t ever remember seeing it like it is now. Am I doing the right thing here? I hope so, because if tonight is any indication then its going to get much worse.

I ran to the nearest bus stop and hopped on. I’m heading towards my best friend’s house on the other side of town. She has been my person for as long as I can remember. She’ll know what to do.

Getting to her house was easy. But what I came to talk about wasn’t. I just didn’t know to what to do anymore .I’ve tried everything but running away with the boys. Knocking on her door at ten pm. I look over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t followed. Standing there for the few minutes that it took her had me second guessing myself.

Shelia opens the door, and her eyes get wide with concern. “What are you doing here?” She asks

“Jerald. He’s… um,” I do tell her or not? “He’s being very brutal.” I spoke in a hushed tone

“Come in, come in.” She ushers me into her warm house. I go to sit on her couch.

“Where’s the kids?” She asks

“At home sleeping. I didn’t want to bring them. They are fine for right now.”

“So what’s going on? Normally you don’t come over here at this hour.” Her concern is understandable

“Well, I need your help or guidance on what to do regarding Jerald….” I pause. “He has become mean, not just mentally but physically as well.” I said, while twisting my wrists with my hands.

“Physical how?” She asks

“Earlier he pushed me into the wall, and pin me there. With my arms behind my back. Everytime I would resist, or fight to free myself. He would squeeze me hands and raise my arms to where they hurt in pain.” Tears were down cascading down my face.

“Oh my dear. You need to either call the police. Or leave. This can only get much worse. Don’t you see that?” She took my hands into hers and held them.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared for myself and the boys.”

“You only have two options. Leave him or call the police. This isn’t right.” She says

For the next few hours. Shelia and I chatted. I missed my dear friend. Jerald doesn’t like it when I leave the house and come over here. He thinks that I’m telling her whats going on inside the house. Most times, I would just go over there to catch up. Reinforce our strong bond.

When I left to go home, my nerves were spiked. I didn’t know what was to come. After getting off the bus, and sneaking back into the house. I looked around the living room and dining room. Getting a glass of water, I turned around and there stood Jerald. Breathing heavy. He scared me enough to drop the glass on the floor.

“Fuck Jerald! You scared me. Now look what you made me do.” I said

“I didn’t make you do shit.” He said.

The way he said, left no doubt that he didn’t care. I couldn’t be in a marriage to man like him anymore. “I want a divorce Jerald.” I said as I bent down to pick up the broken glass. That’s when he took my head, and pushed into the cabinets. The sound of my head connecting echoed throughout the house and in my head. Holding my head, as I sat on the floor. I looked at the man that used to be my everything. Now, he’s a person that I don’t recognize.

“The only way you’ll be leaving me is in a body bag Cindy.” He angrily spat

“You can’t do this!” I said

“Oh, I surely can. Things are going to be different around here. You’ll see.” He left me on the floor.

“You cannot be serious Jerald.” I sat there shaking my head.

“What do you think was going to happen, Cindy? That I would let you just take the boys and run? I’m not fucking stupid. I may be a drunk but I’m not stupid.” He yells at me. “If you still want to leave. You’re going to leave one of the boys with me.” He angrily says

I didn’t answer him, I shook my head instead. He’s lost his mind. “No!” I firmly said

“No? No, what?” He stomps his way over to me.

“I won’t allow that.” I cringed

“You better if you know what’s best for you.” He raised his hand and slammed it on the counter. Making me jump. “You have five minutes to collect.” He slumps down into a chair.

**

It still kills me to think that I left one son behind. The look in his eyes, when I took Josh and not him. That look haunted me. That act broke my heart. When I left that night with Josh, we ran to Shelia’s house. I let out a heart wrenching sob. How could I do this? Why didn’t I fight more? Put up more of fight when it came to my sons?

Over the years, after leaving Devon. I visited him, and to see how he has been. Devon is way too skinny. Like Jerald doesn’t feed him enough. The house looks like it’s run down. The yard needs a good mow. The back yard is destroyed. But, it doesn’t look like Jerald has been beating him. Thank goodness for that. I wouldn’t know how to handle that. I would most likely try to take him with me.

I did however leave a note for him, I cracked open his bedroom window and left the note on his tiny little bed. I tried to tell him exactly why he was left behind. I tried to convey my love for him. Tried to tell him that I loved him with all my heart still. The pain is still there. Wiping the tears from my cheeks. I left.