Never Too Late To Change - 12. Ups and Downs

Ping Brrrr.... Ping Brrrr …

Andy stirred, and sleepily put out an arm to subdue the alarm on his phone. He turned over onto his back, and lay there, eyes still closed, hands behind his head, thinking about Eric and the day before. He couldn't help feeling pleased with himself, and with Eric, for that matter. He was proud of the old man so far. Small steps, perhaps, but they were all in the right direction.

“You look like the cat who got the cream?” His fiancé's amused tones broke in on his thoughts.

Adam put an arm round Andy's midriff and drew him into a prolonged kiss.

When they surfaced, Andy looked at him questioningly. “Morning, tiger. It's half seven and you're still in bed …”

Adam kissed him on the tip of his nose. “And you, with the memory of a gnat, have forgotten what I told you last night.”

“Err …” Andy prodded his sleep-addled brain into action. “Oh, god. Yes, it's your work's meet and greet session this evening, isn't it? So you're working from home this morning. Sorry, I have only just surfaced.”

Adam chuckled. “I know – I've been lying here, watching you sleep …”

“Have you indeed?”

They both smiled at each other, lazy smiles full of affection and love, eyes drinking each other in.

Adam broke the silence. “Hmm … Anyway, so I'm in no particular rush. … Back to my original question – what are you looking so happy about?”

They snuggled closer together, Andy's head nestled on Adam's shoulder. One of Andy's hands idly played with his fiancé's chest hair and occasionally tweaked his nipples. Adam swatted his hand away after one over-enthusiastic pinch.

“Behave, and stop avoiding the question.”

Andy pouted, but follwed up with a grin. “It was a really great day, yesterday. The sort of day I imagined I'd have when I first signed up with Helping Hand. We got Eric's application for his pension credit sent off. In the afternoon, I had a mega-productive session with my mate Greg about his students re-doing Eric's garden. Eric's agreed to try the computers in the library, and I left him reading one of the gay romances I borrowed for him.”

“Wow! Excellent, indeed.” Adam had trouble suppressing a fit of sniggering because he had a good idea where Andy was going with this. Right on cue, his fiancé rolled on top of him, his legs either side of Adam's chest and his hands pinning him by his wrists.

“And for that, I reckon I deserve a reward, don't you?”

Andy closed in and kissed Adam briefly to encourage the right sort of answer. He leant back to await his reply. Adam bit his lip to stop himself from laughing out loud, and instead looked back at Andy, faking incomprehension.

“Yeah, why not? I can do you a cooked breakfast if you want, as I haven't got to be anywhere …”

“You beast!” Andy hit him on the chest in retaliation.

In the short bout of wrestling that ensued, Adam soon turned the tables, and they ended up with him on top. Andy, flushed and breathing heavily, glared up at his partner. Adam ignored the glare, instead choosing to see only the teasing glint, deep in the other man's eyes. He bent down and kissed Andy anyway.

“Oh, love, the only thing that'll get me through this evening will be the thought of coming back here and fucking you silly.” He slyly added on a question. “You will wait up for me, won't you?”

Andy sulked, although still with that glint of his. “Hnh … don't know about that. Maybe I'll have an early night – you know, a headache, and the need for a long, warm bath …”

Adam lowered himself again and started lapping and nibbling at Andy's nipples. He knew that always got his partner going. Just as he felt Andy's cock really plumping up, Adam stopped, rolled over to the side of the bed, and got up.

“Oi, you bastard! Come back here!” Andy started off sounding pissed, but the burst of laughter that exploded from Adam made him grin and shake his head. “I'll hold you to that. What was it? 'Fucking me silly' – yeah, you'd better. Fucking tease.”

They both knew that the night couldn't come soon enough.

The same morning, Eric was lying propped up in bed, reading his book again. The story was unlike anything he'd read before. He couldn't remember the last time he'd really looked forward to picking up a book. He'd tried straight romances a long time ago, but found them utterly unappealing. That was hardly surprising. His staple diet was usually thrillers and such – the characters were at least mostly male, even if they were often unlikeable. He closed his book for a moment to look at the front cover again. The illustration on its own was enough to give him the feeling of coming home. Yes, it was idealised, and both men looked impossibly handsome, but it was so right. It made him warm inside.

Why had he never thought of looking elsewhere in the library? One answer was very simple – he'd become too much a creature of habit. Him and his routines – never exploring, or doing anything different. Eric chuckled drily, and was pleasantly surprised when it didn't turn into a cough. His cold was getting better. Well, his habits had certainly been shaken up over the past few weeks, hadn't they?

Andy had described where he'd found the gay stories, and Eric was keen to discover them for himself. The next time he went to the library, he was determined to borrow some more, even if it meant he had to learn how to use the self-issue kiosks. He couldn't imagine himself placing obviously gay books in front of one of the assistants – he didn't want to become an item of gossip. Having said that, the company he was keeping was enough of a clue, perhaps? Andy and Adam as a couple stood out in the town, that he was sure of.

Suddenly his thoughts returned to the kids from the other day. They called him gay as an insult, because they learnt it from their stupid, prejudiced parents. Both they and he had lived in the town most, if not, all of their lives. Just because he'd never been seen with a girlfriend, he'd been labelled queer, a fag. And to those ignorant bastards, it was a very short step from being gay to being a paedophile. Partly, it was because he hadn't had a relationship with anyone his own age at all. He sighed. It scared him sometimes when child sexual abuse stories were in the news – people ended up acting in some very strange ways.

Eric stopped, and told himself off, sharply. Why had he started thinking about that? His life had improved so much recently. He needed to remember that, and not dwell on some of his darker thoughts. What about being openly gay? In his mind, at least, and also with Andy. And he was starting to explore what it meant to be a gay man. … What would a computer add to that? Lots, if Andy was right. He'd have to try really hard to get the hang of them. Picking up his book again, Eric was happy that young men could now show their love for each other. As so often, the happiness was tinged with regrets, and a sadness at his lonely life. He grimaced. Who's fault was that then? Though if he had his time again in the present day, still nobody would give him a second glance.

Not wanting to go any further down that path, Eric tried to concentrate on his book. It was American, but so were most of the thrillers. He could usually guess what something meant if it wasn't obvious. He read on, as the writer described how the principal characters started on their complicated dance, with its rituals, misunderstandings, excitements, and anxieties. And so much of it was dependent on their phones – the internet, messaging, and social media. He barely knew what the last two were, never mind how they functioned. Were they really that important? He thought of how the telly usually portrayed them. Andy certainly seemed to rely on them.

God, he'd been clueless enough about how relationships worked when he was a younger man. Now? He'd sink without trace – all those unspoken rules, the 'do's and 'don't's, needing social skills that were completely beyond him. Had Adam's courtship of Andy been anything like that? Eric frowned. Why was he so bothered? It was either ancient history, or something so utterly remote from his experience that he was barely a spectator. A sigh escaped. He was enjoying the story and its descriptions of modern gay life, but it was making him happy, sad, depressed, and so many things in-between.

He put the book down again. It wasn't the writer's fault that he was feeling so grey this morning. Perhaps it was a side effect of his cold, and the fact that he hadn't been out and about for a while. He'd better get dressed and go downstairs, instead of wallowing in self-pity. Experience had taught Eric that it got him nowhere. Andy was due quite soon, so he'd better buck his ideas up.

Andy picked up his tablet from the kitchen table where he'd been sitting, rereading the proposed plans for Eric's new path and the changes to his garden. On his way out, he stuck his head round the living room door. Adam was sat on the sofa, head bent over his own computer, tapping away furiously.

Andy smiled. His partner might allow himself to work from home occasionally, but that didn't mean any lessening of his energy and output. He was sure Adam dealt with twice the work of anyone else. Focussed, astute, and sometimes formidable, his partner appeared determined to give lawyers a good name. He coughed loudly.

Adam continued to type for a few seconds before looking up with an affectionate smile. “Hmm?”

Andy smiled back and moved into the room a little more, but not as far as the sofa. “Right. I'm off to see Eric again to show him the outline plans for his garden. I've got to visit one of my paying clients this afternoon at the other end of the county, so I'll have lunch on the hoof. Don't forget about Eric and his cottage this evening, will you, love?”

Adam shook his head in reply. “No, I've got my plan of campaign ready.” He held out a hand. “Come here, you. Don't I get a kiss and a cuddle before you abandon me?”

Andy didn't move. Instead, he smirked and raised an eyebrow. “After your performance earlier? Dream on. I thought that mebbes if we're both equally horny and frustrated …”

He delivered the last sentence as a suggestive, teasing question, and then pretended to duck as Adam threatened to throw a cushion at him.

Adam's voice rose with indignation. “Now who's the bastard?”

“Oh, that's definitely still you.” Andy couldn't help giggling as he turned to go, exiting with a backwards wave directed at his lover. “See ya!”

Later, Andy was standing in Eric's kitchen, doing the previous day's washing up for him. Eric was still in the bath – when Andy had asked, Eric had seized the opportunity of having another soak. Andy was alert, waiting for Eric to call down for help. The older man had managed everything else himself, but neither of them was happy at the thought of Eric trying to get out of the bath on his own.

Andy was a little concerned. Eric had greeted him much as usual when he'd arrived, but Andy thought that he was concealing something. His own attempts at opening a conversation had been met with a grunt or two. Maybe the older man was just pissed off from being cooped up for so long? He himself hated being stuck indoors. Or it might be one of many other things. He could easily spare some time to listen, if that's what Eric needed.

“Andy? I'm ready.”

Andy smiled. That was his cue. “On my way.”

Once he'd helped Eric out of the bath and they were both back downstairs, Andy eyed up his client. Eric was in his usual chair, bad-temperedly flicking through a newspaper Andy had picked up for him on the way. His hopes that Eric's bath might have cured his morning blues hadn't borne fruit.

“There's nothing but ads for Christmas rubbish in here, aimed at thems with money to waste.” The old man folded it up and threw it on the table in disgust.

It was pretty clear that Eric was still feeling low, irritable. He hardly came across as a ray of sunshine at the best of times, but Andy had got to know him rather better than that. He sighed – more investigations needed then.

“How're things this morning?” Andy deliberately made the question vague. Eric could answer, or not, as he chose.

There was a noticeable pause before the old man replied. “So-so.” He half shrugged and paused again, seemingly reluctant to go into any detail.

Andy noticed that Eric was avoiding any eye contact, staring down at his hands. His client was never that good at it, but this was worse than usual. He didn't want to push, but there definitely was something the matter. He replied by making one of those wordless, questioning noises which were so useful sometimes. The gentle encouragement worked. Eric spent a few moments clearing his throat in preparation.

“Ehm … Well … I woke up this morning feeling better, but when I started to read my book …”

He continued on, telling Andy about his thoughts and where they'd taken him, and how he'd felt as a result. At the end, Eric looked up. There was a slightly puzzled look on his face.

“You know, that's the first time I've ever really talked to someone about me, my feelings. It makes a difference, doesn't it?”

“Yes. Yes, it does. Talking helps.”

Andy was pleased – their relationship had progressed. It was the first time that Eric had really said anything about his inner self. Adam's comment from that talk they'd had right at the start of his work with Eric? Spot on, again. God, how often was Adam so right in his thinking? Andy turned the resulting affectionate smile onto his client.

“Don't worry too much about it all. Your cold'll have definitely got you down – I know it does with me. And change is unsettling by its very nature. Yes, they're good things that have been happening to you, but still strange, or upsetting in a way.”

The older man managed a brief smile.

“You're looking more yourself. … While it's sunny, shall we go outside?”

Andy stood up and Eric, more slowly, followed suit. Andy decided to take a chance on a thought he'd just had.

“Eric, would it be OK if I gave you a quick hug?”

The old man stopped in his tracks and stared at him. “Pardon?”

“Only if you'd like one. They can help when you're feeling down or unhappy …” Andy wondered whether he'd made the right call.

The old man still looked at him suspiciously and his reply was guarded. “Suppose so … Don't go in for touchy-feely stuff, never have done. This part of being gay, is it?”

Andy laughed. “Well … yes, possibly. But it's pretty common nowadays. It wouldn't hurt to give it a try?”

Eric still didn't look as though he welcomed the idea, but he did nod cautiously, while keeping his eyes firmly fixed on Andy. The young man approached his smaller, much older charge, and gently enveloped him in a hug. It was like trying to hug a statue.

Eric had scarcely relaxed at all before Andy decided enough was enough and let his arms drop. “Hmm … Not your sort of thing, then?”

Eric shook his head and moved to put some distance between them.

Andy looked at him with affection. “OK … Well … maybe I won't give up on hugs just yet. Let's get some fresh air and see what my mate Greg has in store for your garden instead.”