The Acquittal - 15. Chapter 14

There was a long silence in the room as everyone stared at the child on David’s lap that lasted until Brian muttered in whispered astonishment, “oh, my God. He spawned.”

“He didn’t do the hard part,” Stephanie said with a grin.

Kyle stood up, glancing over at her with a smirk. She hadn’t seen him like that in a very long time. “I guess I should do some introductions,” Kyle said. “This is Stephanie. She’s a friend of mine from law school and works with me at the DA’s office when she’s not being mischievous. And she is also Matthew’s mother as well.”

She smiled and looked around the room, nodding to everyone. “It’s a pleasure to meet all of you.” She glanced as Kyle and remarked, “you didn’t tell me there was a small army of people here.”

Kyle had a sudden sense that things might rapidly fly out of control with Stephanie here. But, he had faith that it would all turn out in the long run. He went around the room introducing everyone to Stephanie, most of them still processing the idea that there was another child in the room and that it was his. “This,” Kyle said to her as he motioned next to his father, “is Jacob.”

She nodded and gave him a friendly smile before turning to look at Kyle with a playful smirk on her face. Before he could interpret the look, Stephanie took a few steps towards David and her son and said politely, “Mr. Howard, I’m very pleased to meet you as well.”

“No need for formalities, Stephanie,” he assured her as he held the little prize in his arms, “I have you to thank for this gift just as much as my son.”

“Speaking of which,” she moved to sit next to David, Troy standing up to make room for her. “Our darling little boy and I have had a splendid weekend together having all sorts of fun, haven’t we sweetheart?” The boy looked at his mother and nodded his head vigorously. “In fact,” her eyes got a glint of mischief as she glanced over at Kyle and back to his father, “while we had all that time together, I taught him a new trick.”

“Oh God,” Kyle groaned as he kneeled down near his dad again, looking up at her. “What did you do to my son?”

She looked at him with annoyance and said flippantly, “Oh, calm down, baby daddy, it’s not like I got him selling drugs on a street corner...”

Brian giggled and murmured, “baby-daddy...”

“He’s never gonna live that one down,” Andy replied to him, nodding with a grin.

Steph looked into her boy’s eyes and smiled brightly and said to him in a sweet tone, “Sweetheart? Sit up for me. Now, tell your daddy and grandpa how to spell your name.”

The boy grinned as he sat up on David’s lap, knowing he was going to get to show off a new skill. “M-A-T-T-H-E-W!”

“Very good! That’s the hard one too because it’s got the most letters in it, huh.” Steph’s eyes darted over to Kyle before looking back at their son and grinned wider as she said to her son, “Now, Matt, can you spell your middle name?”

Kyle felt the blood drain from his face. He wasn’t prepared for this and couldn’t think of a reason to stop it without drawing attention. He almost started to pray Matt would get it wrong. But those hopes were dashed when his pride and joy eagerly and quickly let the letters fall out of his mouth nodding his head as if to emphasize each letter. “J-A-C-O-B!”

All the blood that had drained from his face came rushing back as his cheeks burned under the deafening silence and feeling seven sets of eyes on him. He dared to look up at his father who was staring at him with a wide grin and barely withheld laughter. “Well… That’s a very fine name you have there.” David stood and said to the room, “I think there’s some time before dinner, how about all those under the age of ten come with grandpa and we can go visit the apple trees.” Four little boys scrambled to their feet in delight as David led them all out through the kitchen, holding Matt’s hand in his as they walked out.

Kyle dared to look up towards Jacob who was looking back at him as if looking at him for the first time. He slowly stood up and said to Steph, “let’s get your stuff up to one of the rooms and you can change.”

“Oh, please,” she said in agreement. “I’m tired of being in heels and work clothes.”

The two of them got the bags she had brought and went upstairs. Once he showed her into the guest room he muttered, “that was a nasty trick just now.”

“You mean with Matt?” She chuckled as she opened up her bag. “You’re worrying too much, as usual. If it was going to be that bad of a thing why’d you name him after your ex-lover anyway?”

“I had my reasons at the time,” he said. “I’m not sure if that helped or hurt things between us.”

She sighed as she pulled out some shorts and a top to go with them. “Kyle, really, you’re making too big of a deal over nothing. He’s a nice enough guy, I’m sure. He’s not going to take it as a bad thing, I wouldn’t think.”

“Well, the cat’s out of the bag. I’ll deal with it later.” He showed her where she could find towels and the bathroom and left her to her own devices. When he came back downstairs, everyone seemed occupied with a task of some sort. He also noticed Jacob was nowhere in sight and opted not to ask anyone for now and just carry on like nothing important had happened.

Kyle went about cleaning up the living room and the dining room, removing all of his work papers and putting them up in his room now that the house was full of children. He found Liz and Brian were in the kitchen, preparing side dishes to go with what Troy and Andy were grilling outside. Kyle once again felt like he was in the way after cleaning up so he opted to just sit down at the table. Brian glanced back and saw him and smiled. “Your friend seems nice.”

He chuckled, “nice enough to have a baby for me, yeah.”

“Yeah, but she’s his mom though.”

Kyle shrugged, “That’s true but she doesn’t live with us.”

Liz looked back at him, perplexed. “So, it’s just you then most of the time?”

Kyle nodded, “yup. Just me and him.”

“That sounds hard, but Andy’s been doing it with two kids.” Brian said. “She seems to like him though.”

“Oh, she does,” he assured them. “But she’s got her own life and goals.”

“Well then,” Liz smirked, “you’re doing a better job than most. He’s cute. He’s got her hair for sure, but the rest of him looks a lot like you. I’m sure the other boys will take to him.”

“Definitely your kid,” Brian agreed with an impish grin. “Oh, and what possessed you to go with Matthew Jacob? That was kind of a bombshell.”

Kyle groaned softly, “yeah. Probably should’ve mentioned that beforehand.”

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Brian asked with a laugh. “The look on Jacob’s face was priceless. I wish I’d known ahead of time so I could take a picture of it. He’s out there somewhere with your dad and the kids now.”

“So, you think he liked it,” Kyle asked.

“I dunno.” Brian said. “You’ll have to ask him.” He was quiet for a second before he got a sudden fit of giggles. “But… I gotta say….” his giggles got worse and he struggled to get the words out. “Your face…. When Matt spelled out Jacob? It was… It was like you suddenly realized your dick was hanging out of your fly.” Brian and Liz both broke out into raucous laughter to the point they were leaning against each other to stay standing. Kyle felt mortified but their laughter proved infectious as he sat there, shaking his head and chuckling silently.

Brian finally managed to control himself and wipe his eyes before he went to the door and yelled for Troy to finish up and get everyone back inside. The next few minutes were barely organized chaos as everyone slowly started to trickle back into the house. David came in with Matt holding his hand all smiles. The other boys quickly followed with Jacob carrying a squealing and giggling Blake and Carter over both shoulders, playfully admonishing them. Kyle smirked slightly and got out of the way while Liz got the kitchen table ready for the children.

Stephanie was coming down the hall with a serious look on her face when Kye saw her. “I was about to get you for dinner. What were you up to?”

“On the phone with Jeff,” she said with a small frown. “I hate to break it to you but he wants me to take your current case. He has something bigger for you when you get back. Next week.”

He looked disappointed at the news. “Looks like it’ll have to just be one week here then.”

“You can always come back,” she said with a smirk.

Kyle shrugged helplessly but couldn’t hide his disappointment. “Yeah. Let’s go eat and we can talk about the case later.”

As Kyle and Stephanie stepped into the nearly full kitchen the food was being brought in by Andy and Troy who were all smiles with their grilled chicken breasts, hotdogs and hamburgers. Parents made plates of food for their children before making their own plates and moving into the dining room. Eventually, everyone at the table got settled in for a well deserved meal. The conversation was light around the table as Kyle’s friends asked Stephanie questions about herself and her time with Kyle. He was surprised when she passed up a number of chances to tell potentially embarrassing stories even as she gave him a subtle smirk to remind him.

It didn’t escape his notice that Jacob seemed to only speak up when he was asked a question. When he spoke he sounded normal but Kyle had a feeling Jacob wasn’t himself. With everyone around he knew he couldn’t bring it up but kept it in mind for later in the evening. He would occasionally steal a glance towards Jacob and found him either staring at his plate while eating or glancing back at him. Kyle sighed inwardly. They’d have to talk before the night was over.

After dinner was finished, David started to get up to start cleaning up, proving he was still a stickler for keeping the house clean, but Kyle and the others insisted he go rest in the living room while everyone else did the clean up. Andy and Brian took the dirty dishes into the kitchen and Jacob followed behind to check on the boys at the kitchen table finding only minor spills and dirty faces. Kyle ducked his head in as Liz and Troy started dishing the leftovers into containers to be put in the fridge for lunch the next day for the children. Stephanie looked to Kyle asking, “what should I do?”

“Go into the living room with dad and make sure he actually sits and relaxes instead of getting all worked up,” he offered with a helpful grin.

She grinned back evilly, “great idea. He and I can swap embarrassing Kyle stories.” She quickly turned and walked away before he could say anymore.

“Alright, boys,” Jacob said with a smirk to the five children at the table as he picked up their plates, “two scoops of ice cream for dessert and that’s it.” The boys cheered as he handed the dirty plates to Andy. He stepped to the fridge and showed the boys the flavors they could choose from. “Matt, you’re the newest here so you get to choose first.”

Kyle watched from the doorway and nodded to his son when he looked up at him looking for permission from him. “Um…. chocolate,” he said shyly as he looked up at the imposing figure with the dark hair falling around his face. Jacob went around the table and got the other boys’ choices before going to retreive bowls and spoons. He carefully scooped out two small portions of chocolate ice cream and sat the bowl in front of Matt before he gently ruffled the hair on his head before going filling all the other orders, giving each boy a peck on the forehead.

Watching the scene playout, Kyle’s heart swelled looking at Jacob and how he handled the children. It was a reminder to him of what he loved most about Jacob years ago. How tough and masculine he could appear but had such a sweet tenderness to his soul that he couldn’t help but fall in love with him. Seeing him with Matt made him wish they were the family he once dreamed of. A bittersweet reminder of what might have been. Matthew deserved to have two parents instead of one full time parent and one shakey part time parent. The older he gets the more he’ll need care and attention and love.

He turned away from the doorway and headed towards the living room to sit with Stephanie and his dad. They were having a spirited conversation about their work.

“He did what,” David was grinning widely as he asked Stephanie in a tone of disbelief.

Stephanie laughed and nodded. “I swear. He looked the guy in the eye and said, ‘I will nail your ass to the wall if you get on the witness stand. I have all the evidence I need to convict you. If you’re smart, you’ll take the deal.’”

“And I hope,” Kyle broke in grinning, “I sincerely hope you don’t take the deal because I would love to see if I can make you cry or not.” He sat down next to Stephanie as his dad broke into laughter.

Steph giggled as she put an arm around her friend, “he’s a hardass at work. He hasn’t lost a case once.”

Kyle blushed slightly. “I’m nothing special. Just doing my job. Most of them plea out before it goes to trial anyway.”

“Not from what I saw earlier,” his dad said as he laughter faded. “When he was four he nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Oh…?” She looked from Kyle back to his dad. Her grin showing her interest.

David glanced up at Kyle and then he said to her, “my ex-wife and I had parted ways a year earlier and it was the first time I had a little boy to raise on my own and a crop of apples that I needed to supervise being harvested. Thinking that there wasn’t much a four-year-old could do to get in the way, I told him to stay close by and stay out of the workers’ way.” He grinned and said, “my first mistake was believing a four year old when he said he would stay near me. My second mistake was taking my eyes off him. I don’t think it was too long before I looked around and Kyle was just gone.”

Stephanie looked up at Kyle, admonishing. “You’re such a bad boy…”

That got a laugh out of David and an embarrassed blush out of Kyle. “So, I’m looking all around, figuring he couldn’t have gotten far,” David said continuing. “And inside I’m just panicking, wondering how I’m gonna explain how I lost my son in the middle of my own orchard. After about twenty minutes of hunting for him I really start to go nuts. I called all the workers off their jobs and had them combing the area, looking for him.” David looked over at Kyle with a mock glare. “Half an hour later, do you know where we found him? Up in one of my trees, asleep with about half the apples on it on the ground from him having climbed up there.”

Steph laughed. “How’d you keep him from pulling that stunt again?”

David grinned. “I called my friend Sam and invited him over. He brought his son Troy and the two of them managed to stay out of trouble. Next year, I put them to work along with Andrew. The three of them were inseparable all through school after that.”

Kyle put his head in his hand to hide the redness in his cheeks. “Dunno why you make it sound like I did that last week.”

David chortled. “Because I can. I’m sure Matt will supply you with plenty parenting war stories by the time he’s in high school.”

Steph giggled, noticing Kyle’s somewhat bruised ego in his face. “Well, despite that, he managed to be a damn good lawyer.”

“I’d love to go see you in court,” his dad said with a smirk.

Kyle shrugged and smirked a little. “It’s not as exciting as you think it is. Next time I’ll be in court, all I’m gonna do is stand there and answer a couple questions from the judge and listen to the defendant plead guilty.”

“Well, maybe someday.” David said kindly.

“Someday, what,” Brian asked as he wandered into the room with Andy behind him.

“Someday my boys won’t keep secrets from me,” he eyed the two of them meaningfully as they sat down together on one of the other couches.

“Oh, secrets,” Steph asked with her eyes lighting up slightly.

Brian rolled his eyes dramatically. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Stephanie looked at Kyle and said. “You didn’t tell me you had any other gay friends growing up.”

“They chose not to tell us until just now,” he responded dryly.

Steph looked over at Brian and Andy and then back at him with a dubious look. “Seriously? You couldn’t tell?”

Andy chuckled slightly. “We were a little more careful back then.”

She shrugged indifferently, “I think I would’ve noticed.”

“Oh, yeah?” Brian grinned a challenge.

“Well, I pegged Kyle in about twenty seconds,” she said offhandedly to the others’ delight.

“You did not,” he laughed.

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “If you say so. Hey, we should go find a quiet spot where we can go over notes on that case before I leave the in the morning.”

He sighed slightly in disappointment but gave in. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Let’s use dad’s office in the back. We won’t be bothered in there. If it’s ok with you, dad?”

David nodded his consent and the two of them got up and left the room just as Liz and Troy were coming back in.

“We got all the leftovers put away for you,” Troy commented as he watched Kyle and Steph walk out. “What are they up to?”

“Work stuff,” David replied.

Troy nodded once and then said, “if it’s alright with you, I think Liz and I are gonna go ahead and take off. I know she’s tired and we can use a night to ourselves just to relax for a change.”

Andy smirked slightly as he muttered, “enjoy it while you can. In a couple months you’ll be knee deep in diapers again.”

Liz snickered quietly. “No one told you? You’ve been tapped to clean all the diapers starting next year.”

“Did that once. I got over it quick,” he grinned up at her. “You two go on home. We’ll see you later.”

“Hope you enjoyed your day off,” Troy smirked and patted him and Brian on the back before he and his wife left the room.

Brian watched them leave and waited until her heard the back door close before he looked over at Andy and said questioningly, “day off?”

Andy made a grimacing look on one side of his face and said simply, “we’ll talk about it later.”

“Hey,” David spoke up before Brian could raise any objections. “Before you two leave, head upstairs and pull down some of the sleeping bags you guys used to use and bring them down here for me.”

Andy nodded and stood up, Brian’s eyes filled with questions, “what do you need the sleeping bags for?”

“Slumber party for all the boys tonight here in the living room,” he said simply.

“Oh,” Brian felt out of the loop for a moment and he could tell there’s something serious going on. “So, Tanner and Blake are staying here tonight?”

David nodded. “Go on up and get them out of the attic. They might be a little smelly so make sure you spray them with something so the boys don’t get sick.”

The two men went upstairs to get what they were told. Andy pulled down the small ladder leading up to the attic above and started searching around before he pulled a couple bags and tossed them down into Brian’s waiting arms. “Are you alright,” Brian suddenly asked.

“I’m fine,” he said simply. “Nothing to worry about. There’s just some things we need to go over and I guess David decided to give us a night alone.”

“Out of the goodness of his heart, no doubt,” Brian glared up at him as he caught another bag and sat it on the floor. “Seriously, are you alright?”

“Seriously, yeah, I’m fine,” Andy insisted and then added, “now…”

Brian frowned and stayed quiet as Andy finished tossing down the sleeping bags. They took them into the bathroom and sprayed them down to get the musty smell out of them and then brought them down so they could open them and check for anything in them. Satisfied, the two of them brought them down into the living room and started setting them up. “Damn,” Brian half-smirked, “haven’t seen these things in about twenty years.”

“Fifteen,” David corrected him as he looked through his library of children’s movies. “It was about then that you guys graduated up to either sleeping on the couch or upstairs.” He looked up at the couple and asked bluntly, “you two didn’t… you know… do anything up there when you were kids, did you?”

Brian’s lips slowly rose in a coy smile as he asked innocently, “why, Mr. Howard, whatever could you be implying?”

David groaned and muttered, “that’s what i thought.”

Andy smirked and said, “relax. We didn’t do anything until we were almost out of high school.”

Brian giggled, “and we only did it here once.” They both looked at each other and laughed together.

“What so funny about that,” David asked looking up at them.

Andy blushed slightly and looked away as Brian said in a more composed and slightly embarrassed voice, “well, we’re not sure or anything but we think it was the night Kyle and Jacob first had sex together.” He started giggling again as Andy shook with suppressed laughter. “They were making enough noise we figured we could do it without attracting any attention.”

David did his best to not laugh but did silently chuckle as he said, “yeah. They weren’t real quiet. Ever.” He did a casual inspection of the sleeping bags and decided they were still good. He gave the two men a gentle smile as he walked up to them. Somewhere in the back of his mind he saw the two little teenage boys he used to adore and now admired with pride at how far they’ve come. He put a hand on Brian’s shoulder and looked into his eyes as he said in a parental voice, “one more thing before you go. Do you love him as much as he loves you?”

Brian was caught off guard slightly by that gentle voice of authority he remembered as a young boy along with the question he was asked. He could play word games and dance around subjects with his friends for a good laugh and sometimes to obfuscate things he wasn’t comfortable talking about but with David and his fatherly voice, Brian instinctively answered directly without hesitation. “He’s the only one I’ve ever really loved, Dad.”

He looked between the two of them before speaking in a gentler voice, “I’m very proud of the both of you. I want you two to be happy above everything else. Just remember that no matter what, this is still your home and it always will be.” He leaned over and kissed them both on the cheek. “Now, go on, get out of here.”

The two of them looked at him with unabashed love as they hugged him and thanked him for everything. David took it all in stride and just smiled at the couple as they made their exit. After he heard the door close, he sat down, feeling a little tired after the long day but happier than he had been in years. He pulled out his phone and sent Jacob a text message to bring the boys in for their movies before he sat back and enjoyed the feel of his home once again filled with his boys. Everything seemed as if it was all in its proper place again.

****

“Oh, come on,” Kyle groaned in exasperation as he looked over the file from the email he was reading from his phone. They had spent the last hour going over his notes and recommendations for the case she was taking over, asking questions and tossing ideas between each other before she gave him the couple updated pieces of information she had brought with her from their office. He had sat silently for a couple of minutes, reading over the sparse information he could glean off of the records on his screen, looking over photos of the crime scene and reading the autopsy report. “Is he serious with this shit? No suspect yet and next to no evidence?!”

She smirked and made a helpless gesture. “I don’t know what to tell you. They’re maintaining the crime scene for the next week or so in case you want to go look for yourself. Jeff knows you have investigative training so unless you say so, now that it’s your case, they’ll hold the place until you release it.” One of his best assets from when he was in law school and estranged from his family was the sudden glut of free time he had. Not wanting to waste any of it, he applied for an internship with the local police force, learning from detectives on the job and how to apply that to his future life as an attorney. What he learned during those summer internships and into his final year in law school went a long way to making him a more effective prosecutor.

“Damn right they will,” he grunted with a frown as he read the file. “Woman in her early 30’s, dead from apparent multiple stab wounds. Identity is confirmed as Theresa Mayfield, age 32. Single. Brown hair, brown eyes. Time of death was approximately eleven forty-five p.m. No criminal record, no evidence of forced entry.” He closed the file and rolled his eyes. “I feel like I should go home now and get started on this but I don’t want to just yet.”

“I don’t blame you,” she said with a playful grin as she stood up. “Who’d wanna deal with a murder when you could be in bed with that hot muscle boy.” She started putting her things back into her briefcase as they were finished for the night.

“I haven’t slept with him since I got here,” he said dismissively. “If things happen, they happen. I’m not aiming for it.” He carefully avoided eye contact as he started organizing his things into his own briefcase.

She laughed at him almost mockingly. “Oh, please. LIke you two weren’t staring at each other all through dinner.” He chose to remain silent and not mention his own thoughts about dinner. He still needed to have a quiet talk with him. “I should get to bed. I have a long drive back in the morning.”

He nodded and headed to the door with her, only just now noticing they had been there for so long the sun had set and night had settled in around them. “May wanna be quiet on the way upstairs,” he advised. “No clue where the kids are but they should be asleep by now.”

She nodded and they quietly moved down the hall until they reached the stairs. Looking through the doorway into the living room, they noticed the TV was on and they could hear a movie playing. Scattered around the room were sleeping bags. Steph cast Kyle a questioning look but he didn’t notice as his eyes caught hold of the scene and a wistful smile slowly formed as he moved silently to the door, remembering doing exactly what his son was doing right now. Seeing him caught up in the moment she whispered her goodnight and headed upstairs to the guest room she was provided. Kyle just nodded and slowly stepped into the room, looking down at the floor with five little boys arrayed around the room and his father watching the children’s movie. Kyle noted it was one of his favorites as a child. “Mary Poppins.” The volume was low but he could still hear every word of every line in the movie.

He looked over at his dad who had glanced up when he stepped inside the doorway. Looking over at his son he smirked slightly and muttered in a low voice, “remind you of anything?” He motioned at the five sleepy boys in the room.

He nodded and made his way slowly over to Matt who was on his side, watching the movie intently. He knelt down and put an arm around his small boy. “Did you have fun today,” he asked in a slight whisper.

Matthew’s eyes lit up seeing his father’s smiling face as he nodded vigorously. He whispered back to his father, “saw apple trees. Made new friends. Jacob is funny.”

Kyle chuckled silently and kissed his hair before whispering, “I’m glad. Lay down and go to sleep. Daddy loves you.”

“Love you, daddy,” he whispered before crawling back into his sleeping bag and returning to the movie.

Kyle slowly stood back up, turning to see his dad still smiling softly as he gazed down on his newest family member. His dad seemed more like the man he remembered now than when he first brought him home. That filled his heart with hope that his son would have many years to have a grandfather in his life unlike his own experience growing up. He also noticed Jacob wasn’t in the room. They hadn’t spoken much all day and his sudden revelation was met by Jacob with an almost shell shocked response. Knowing all those signs to be bad he figured he should go find him now and figure out what was going on in his head.

He said nothing to his dad as he moved out of the room and up the stairs quietly. As he reached the top of the steps he peeked into the doorway to Jacob’s room which was dark and empty. Kyle wandered down through the kitchen and headed outside in the warm night air. The sky was cloudy so no stars or moon was visible. There was a small light over the main storage barn. It’s light was dimmer than he thought it should be but then remembered it wasn’t the same building from when he was a boy. Next to it he could see the faint outline of the smaller building that was Jacob’s workshop. He squinted slightly and thought he saw a light coming through one of the windows and moved closer to investigate. The closer he got to the building the clearer he could see that there was a light on inside. It was faint so he figured it was a lamp of some sort rather than an overhead light.

As he approached the door he felt a momentary hesitation before he turned the knob and let the door slowly open. Stepping inside, the first thing Kyle noticed was the scent of all the wood around him. He could detect pine and cedar and others as he slowly closed the door behind him. The dim light of the room cast the workstations set against the closest wall to him in shadowy gloom. An adjustable lamp was lit over an writing desk which sat empty. He moved towards the light until he noticed another lit corner off to the side that was cleared with a soft glowing lamp next to a hauntingly familiar loveseat on top of a small area rug which covered the concrete floor.

Sitting on the loveseat wearing a simple white tank top and baggy jeans, Jacob was bent over a notebook of some sort, his dark hair out of it’s ponytail and half fallen over his face as he slowly moved a pencil in short, measured strokes. For a moment, Kyle stood there and stared at him. Jacob was noticeably older now, his skin tanned and his hair longer than the mop of hair it used to be when they first met, the expression on his face was familiar and heart-aching for him. This was the person he fell in love with all those years ago. The first person he kissed. The first one that made his chest ache and his stomach twist inside whenever he looked at him. He didn’t want to let the unspoken thoughts and feelings remain between them anymore.

“Hi,” Kyle said in a quiet voice.

The blue eyes turned to regard him as his hand stopped moving on the page. The dark hair fell back as he turned his head up. “Hey.” his deep voice was neither inviting nor challenging.

Kyle looked down, his face slightly saddened by the reception. “Sorry to interrupt,” he began. “I just hadn’t had a chance to talk to you much today with everything going on.”

He shrugged, seemingly unconcerned but his blue eyes seemed clouded. “I brought the kids in after a walk in the groves. You weren’t around so I figured you were busy.”

“I see.” He looked around, feeling unsure of himself again and tried his best to shake it off. “May I sit with you for a moment?” Jacob looked at him silently for a moment before he nodded, closing the notebook he had been using and putting it off to the side as Kyle approached him and sat down. He settled into the seat easily and remarked casually, “I figured dad threw this away years ago.”

Jacob shrugged his shoulders, moving to the side of the seat to give Kyle room to relax and keep contact to a minimum. His face pointed ahead to keep from having to look at him. “He almost did but I told him I could use it in here for when I wanna relax a bit.” Jacob’s voice was its usual deep, quiet tone but Kyle could tell it lacked any emotion.

Kyle felt the distance between them growing again. He tried to keep up the small talk. “Glad that you did. There’s some nice memories here. I like the workshop to,” he said as he looked around. “Sorry I was busy earlier. Steph and I had to go over some papers.” When he received no response he sighed. “I’m sorry. You came out here to be alone and I’m just in the way.”

As Kyle started to get up, Jacob suddenly said, “wait.” Jacob looked around, still not wanting to look directly at him but he had to know. He had to ask the question that had been gnawing at his soul for hours. “Why did you do that?”

“Why did I do what,” he asked as he studied Jacob’s face.

“Your son,” he said with a hint of embarrassment. “Why me?”

“Oh,” Kyle said in understanding. “You mean, ‘why Matthew Jacob Howard?’” He turned to him and said in a quiet, melancholy tone, “when he was born, I fell in love with him instantly. And the first thing I wanted to do, I couldn’t. I couldn’t call my dad and tell him. I couldn’t tell you. Jacob, at the time, you were gone. In my mind, someone else had taken you and you weren’t with me anymore. That hurt, but I never stopped loving you. When I gave him your name it was because I felt, in a way, if I did that, I would always have a piece of you that no one could ever take away from me.”

Jacob sat there with his hair hiding his face from him. “You know that’s not true though, right?”

Kyle nodded slowly. “I do now. I know that most of this was caused by my own fear and panic. It might have started as a mistake you and dad made but I made it worse. So, what did you think about him?”

Jacob closed his eyes as he said in a stilted voice, “he’s great.” He tried not getting emotional but thinking about it became overwhelming as he sat back and rubbed his eyes. “You did it. You did what we talked about. A career. A life. A child. You did all of it. Without me.” An almost pained laugh escaped his lips. “So, I guess the joke’s on me. I always thought I was gonna get that life and now it all passed me by.”

Kyle reached his hand over to touch him but Jacob jerked his hand away and got to his feet. “Jacob, wait.” He felt like the situation was starting to spiral out of control.

Jacob shook his head and he started walking away, his face darkening. “No. No, this was stupid. I should’ve left years ago. I kept waiting. Hoping. Drinking away the pain and still thinking everything would be fine. I shouldn’t be here anymore.”

Kyle jumped to his feet. “Wait! Jacob, let’s talk about this.”

He shook his head and moved away again, unwanted feelings starting to overflow as his voice tightened in his throat. “No.”

Kyle’s voice become more determined. He wasn’t going to let go of this. “We need to move on from this. Let’s just get it out.”

Panic started to set in as he covered his face with his hands. “I don’t wanna do this...”

“Jacob, just let it out,” his voice raising as he pleaded.

Years of abuse, shame and anger roared out of him as he turned to Kyle. “You abandoned me!” Kyle blinked in surprise but stood there and let him rage as tears ran down from those crystal blue eyes. “I did everything I could to be perfect for you! All I ever wanted was for you to love me. I made one fucking mistake and you just threw me away! What happened to all the promises you made me?! I know what I did was bad and I was sorry for what happened but goddamn, nine fucking years of hell?! Didn’t you at some point stop to think that maybe instead of me just being a fuck-up that there might have been something wrong with me!? Huh? Did it never once occur to you that it was something you wouldn’t have thought I would actually do? No. Of course not because Perfect Kyle always knows and he doesn’t need to ask. He can just pass judgement on all of us and that’s that!

“The only thing keeping me going was stupid fucking hope that someday you may remember all those promises you made to me.” His face darkened with anger that had gone suppressed for years as his voice turned into a snarl. “Even if you would’ve called me the next day and screamed at me and told me you hated me I could have gotten over that. I could have accepted what I did and figured it was all over.” His voice suddenly lost all the anger only to be replaced by a profound sadness that lit his eyes with shimmering tears. “But I wasn’t even allowed that, was I? And then you just waltz right in and just decide that we’re going to be friends again or whatever without even thinking about how I might feel about it?! Fuck you, Kyle!”

Kyle stood there in the deafening silence that followed, looking at the person he had loved more than anyone else and finally seeing the true extent of the damage that his actions caused. He felt sick with shame and guilt. With a heartfelt sigh he said quietly, “you’re right. And I deserved that. I was so caught up in my own feelings of loss I never thought about the damage I was doing to you and that was unfair of me. My only excuse was that I was trying to save myself from hurting by coming back here. I was always afraid I would see you with… someone else and that you were happy with them instead of with me. I am sorry for what I put you through and I know there isn’t anything I can do to give you those years back. If it makes you feel any better, those are years I lost too.

“But, despite everything, or maybe because of it, I do still love you.” He lowered his head and stared at the floor. “I wish we could go back to that life but I guess that’s just wishful thinking on my part.”

“You still don’t get it,” Jacob choked up. “Kyle, I remember every time my dad ever hit me. Every time he made me feel like I was worthless. Every bruise, every cut, every night I went home terrified for my life. But nothing he did to me left me feeling as bad as what you did. I wanted to die. I probably would’ve hung myself from a tree if your dad or Troy or Brian hadn’t come out there and brought me back in.”

The pain in his words were sharp and cut Kyle deep. This wasn’t what he had hoped. “Jacob, I’m so sorry.”

“I know you are,” he said sadly, feeling the pent up emotions finally dwindling. “Doesn’t change things. I wish you could’ve trusted me. Trusted us. I know what happened was horrible and it took me years of drinking and a year of sobriety to finally forgive myself. What was your excuse that you couldn’t find it in your heart to forgive me until just now? It’s been so long, we’ve just grown too far apart. Your life is hundreds of miles away now. We were supposed to do it all together. Now, we live separate lives.”

Kyle felt that hope he had been feeling suddenly snuffed out. As much as he would have liked to get back to where they used to be, he knew now that it was a door that had closed long ago and there was no going back. When he found his voice, he felt lifeless. “I guess… you’re right. You’re right and I should have at least tried. But, I didn’t and now I have to face the consequences.”

“Kyle…” Jacob looked at him but couldn’t say any more.

“It’s okay,” he said, barely above a whisper. “I’ll see myself out.” Before anything else could be said, he walked purposefully to the door and out into the night air. He stood there for a moment to gather his strength. The old pains came rushing back, stabbing at him relentlessly. As hard as it had been losing him the first time, it seemed to hurt even more now. Adding to the old pain was the new sense of guilt and remorse that his anxieties had created and the relationships it had destroyed. He couldn’t function feeling all of this. He can’t be a father and a lawyer all the other expectations on him with this burden. He forced it all away. Putting that wall up around it. Forget it all and just move on to the next thing. There was nothing left to fix so there was no point dwelling on it.

But the wall wouldn’t hold anymore. It was like sand now. Piling up and then falling back down, swept away by the profound loss he felt inside him. Making as little noise as possible, he slipped inside and up the stairs to his room. When he closed the door he made the conscious choice to lock it before he slipped out of his clothes, turned off the light and got into bed. Laying there for hours, he stared at nothing as the tears he couldn’t stop ran unchecked down his face.

****

As he opened the front door, Andy stepped inside with Brian close behind him. He closed and locked the door as Brian looked at him expectantly. “Well? Out with it.”

Andy smirked a little and said casually, “out with what? My dick?”

“No,” Brian said in irritation, slapping Andy’s chest with his open hand. “What happened today?”

He sighed, feeling tired and not wanting to just dive into it right away. “We should get cleaned up.” He turned and headed to the bedroom to get out of his clothes.

“Andy,” Brian followed behind him, worried. “Please tell me what happened today that you didn’t go to work.”

“I had a problem this morning,” he said simply as he started removing his boots.

“What kind of problem?” Brian followed his lead, removing his shoes before removing everything else. The freedom of being less than fully clothed without the kids being in the house was kind of liberating but he also kind of missed Blake and Tanner.

“We can talk about it later, Bri.” He stood up and stripped out of his clothes before crossing the hallway to the bathroom, getting the shower running and waiting for the water to heat up.

Brian stripped and followed him. “If you say so. Are you okay now?”

Andy looked at him and leaned in to kiss his lips before stepping into the shower. “Yeah. What’re you doing? Waiting in line?”

Brian gave him a mischievous smirk as he replied, “why waste time and water when we can clean each other up quicker together?”

Andy laughed and took his hand, guiding him into the shower before pulling the curtain closed around them. He stood under the warm spray and gently pulled Brian’s body against his, holding him close as they let the water cascade down their bodies. Reaching over for the bar of soap, he worked up a lather before rubbing his soapy hands over Brian’s chest, making him gasp when his fingers rubbed over his sensitive nipples. Brian put his hands up to touch him but Andy gently put them back down.

Brian felt tears well up in his eyes as he watched Andy gaze as him lovingly. His hands moved over his body tenderly. Everywhere Andy’s hands touched him the lingering tension he had felt building up inside him melted away. He began to wonder how he had gone this long without his touch and he knew he couldn’t let himself go another day without it ever again. He made his decision. Andy was more important than anything else. Any career he had planned before was nothing compared to this moment and this person. He was glad the water running down their faces masked his tears. He let a smile lift his spirits and saw that smile reflect back on him from his lover’s face.

Andy took his time but knew the hot water wouldn’t last forever in this small house. He rinsed them both off but not before he shared a sensual, almost shy kiss with his best friend. He always knew he loved Brian but the depth of that love had never really been tested until recently. He knew without a doubt he would sacrifice his life for him if he needed to. All that mattered to him was Brian’s happiness after being so long apart. He made a decision. One that would take time to put into action but he was resolved to see it through. For now, he had a duty to perform. Turning off the water he stepped out and slowly helped Brian out after. Taking a towel he handed it to Brian before reaching for his own. They stood there silently looking at each other as they dried off. As he watched him rub his hair to get the dampness out he quietly uttered, “I think you’re gonna lose.”

“Lose what?” He poked his head out from under the towel to look at him curiously.

Andy silently gave thanks to God for getting him home safe seeing how adorably cute Brian looked in that instant. “You’re gonna lose our bet on who loves who more.”

Brian grinned impishly and replied, “oh, you think so, huh?”

“I know it,” he said as he hung his towel up over the shower rod.

“And what makes you so sure?” He let his towel join Andy’s before leaving the bathroom and walking back into the bedroom, not bothering with turning the lights on since they both knew they wouldn’t be getting up again until morning.

Andy slid into the bed and grabbed Brian’s waist suddenly causing him to yelp and giggle, pulling him into the bed and pulling him under the slim blanket. “Because I realized one of us is going to run out of words at some point and I’m betting it’s gonna be you.” He kissed Brian’s lips gently and then grinned in the filtered moonlight coming from outside.

Brian cocked an eyebrow and said in a deadpan tone. “Nice try, Jarhead. Now, tell me what happened today.”

Andy sighed and kept his hold on him, despite the fact that that could put his balls in danger if Brian got pissed. “Ok. So, I kind of had an episode this morning.”

“Ok. What started it?” His hands traced the muscles along Andy’s back softly.

He grimaced and said quietly, “you left this morning without waking me. When I got up and you were gone, I… freaked out.”

Brian felt a pang of remorse and asked in a gentle voice, “why?”

“I know this is hard to imagine for you,” he started feeling self-conscious and did his best to make it seem unimportant. “I guess I got it in my head that you were... missing. I went all over the place looking for you and I just started getting stressed and panicked. That’s when I texted you when I finally got enough sense to think about it.”

“I’m sorry I worried you, baby,” he kissed his cheek gently.

“No, don’t,” Andy said gently but firmly. “You didn’t know so you didn’t do anything wrong. I guess from now on, I just need you to make sure I’m awake when you leave for work.”

“Ok. I can do that. Speaking of,” he said, reaching up to brush a stray strand of hair out of his lover’s face, “I’ve made a decision about that.”

“And what’s that?” He wasn’t sure how he felt about Brian making decisions without his input but maybe this was his way of getting the input.

“I’m quitting my job.” He hurried through explaining before Andy could object. “At the end of this semester I’m going to quit my job and find something closer to home. And home is here with you.”

“You sure that’s what you want,” he asked.

“Andy,” he said softly, his heart in his voice, “all I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted is you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. Today while I was sitting there reading at my desk I had to read the same line over and over because all I wanted was to be here with you. Everything else is a distant second.”

“I’m so glad that you’re my best friend.” He leaned over and kissed him softly, his lips lingered on Brian’s. He felt more at peace with himself. Andy laid back and Brian moved to lay his head on his chest, smiling softly to himself. “So, Kyle made a kid while he was M.I.A.” Andy snickered.

“Looks just like him to,” Brian grinned. “Kinda eerie if you ask me.”

“Well, he looks an awful like his dad,” he commented. “I guess they got strong genes.”

“Yeah, well, too bad they’re such hard headed genes.”

“I never did get to hear Jacob’s reaction to the stunning news,” Andy wondered aloud. “How do you suppose he reacted?”

“Hearing that Kyle gave his only son his name along with Troy?” Brian giggled. “He was probably just too surprised to process it. I think I’ll poke him about it tomorrow.”

“I think it shows Kyle still loves him,” he said thoughtfully. “They need to find a common ground. And as bull headed as Kyle can be, Jacob can be too.”

“They both need a swift kick in the ass,” Brian said with a giggle. He slid his hand over Andy’s chest and ran a finger over one of his nipples eliciting a soft moan.

“I think we’re done talking for tonight,” Andy said coyly as he rolled over on top of Brian and kissed him passionately. Brian returned the kiss as fervently knowing that each day and each night would better than the last.