U-N-I - 32. Chapter 32 - Coming home

“Thank you for an amazing night San Diego! I can't believe this is the last one, you were amazing, we love you and we'll miss you so much! Have a safe journey home and see you again someday!"

Those were the words that Robbie had used to end the tour. We’d played the SDCCU Stadium and it had been so sad and emotional to say goodbye to the fans, knowing that it was the last gig of what had turned out to be the most incredible tour we had ever done.

Now we were gathering in the dining room of the hotel for our pre-arranged brunch before we all flew back home to London.

 

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“Hiya Rach,” I smiled as I pulled her into a hug. "How're you feeling?"

“Tired," she said with a sigh, "--but excited. What time are we leaving?”

“Three o’clock, we’ll be home tomorrow and we’ll be sleeping in our own beds for a change,” I giggled.

"I can't wait, you have no idea, I'm so impatient!"

I smiled at her, knowing since the two gigs we'd played in Toronto back in August how eager she was to come home.

It was during a ‘down-time day’ that she and Damon had dropped their bombshell. The road and stage crews were building our stage-set and we’d be doing the sound and light check the following afternoon prior to the first gig, so we could chill-out for a while, maybe even get to take in some of our surroundings for a change!

Rachel had asked us to have dinner with them in their suite, she’d said that, just for once she’d like us to eat in peace without feeling like we were all under scrutiny in a public space. How could we refuse? To be honest I couldn’t have agreed with her more.

Jord, Grainne, Dylan, Alicia, Rob and I had met up for a couple of drinks in the hotel bar beforehand so we’d all arrived at Damon and Rachel’s room together.

We’d been talking about cars when Damon had opened the door – it had turned out that Grainne was almost as much of a petrol-head as Jordan and me – so it had taken a few moments for us to take in the odd atmosphere between our friends. As we’d got ready Rob and I had discussed the possibility that they were going to tell us they’d finally decided the when and possibly the where for their own wedding and, for me, the looks on their faces just about confirmed our suspicions. Damon hadn’t moved away from our small group after he’d closed the door.

“Got a question for you,” he said when we’d quietened down.

He was talking to us but looking at Rachel with a possessiveness I’d never seen in him before,

“How many people do you see in that chair?”

“How many drinks have you had while we’ve been showing some real restraint in the bar?” Jordan asked right back laughingly.

I looked at Rachel and I knew.

“You’re pregnant,” I said quietly, mostly to her.

She smiled and nodded.

"I knew it!" Alicia hollered and looked over at Grainne, excited and happy.

“You are?!” Dylan exclaimed.

“As of twelve weeks ago,” Rachel told us happily and immediately stood up to let Grainne and Alicia hug her.

“Oh man, two married couples, another starting a family this is so not rock and roll, anybody would think we’re all grown-ups!” Jordan guffawed.

I cast him a swift glance, only I knew of his own plans. He intended to whisk Grainne back to Dublin after the tour to propose to her, that way they’d be able to tell their families face-to-face – as long as she said yes of-course!

He’d even shown me the ring, it was a beautiful ruby-in-platinum affair.

“It’s Grainne’s birthstone apparently,” he’d told me.

“Go for it bro’, she’s the best girl you’ve ever been with,” I’d smiled.

Rob, I noted, said nothing at the news of Rach being pregnant.

That Damon and Rach were expecting a child had come as a shock to us all – including them! Rachel had fully intended doing things in the right order, diamond solitaire, wedding ring then baby but, Rachel being Rachel, she’d lived up to her reputation for unpredictability.

Their news had actually sent the rest of us into a bit of a tailspin. Would their baby affect our future recording and touring? I’d done a quick count forwards and calculated that what she’d said meant that her baby was due early in 2021, I think. Would it break up our living arrangements? Like all of us Damon’s home occupied just about an entire floor of our building, as did Rachel’s – coincidentally the one below Damon’s.

But all this paled into insignificance when we realised how ridiculously happy they were.

The first thing we did, mostly thanks to Grainne’s organisational skills, was to throw them an epic but alcohol-free party in celebration as soon as we got to our next destination.

We were all guilty of driving Rachel nuts as her pregnancy progressed, we just wanted to wrap her in cotton-wool and keep her safe; especially as she’d refused to go home and had insisted on staying with Damon.

“I’m pregnant, not bloody ill,” she kept chuntering whenever one of us became overly-solicitous.

Now here she was, almost five months gone and blooming!

Despite having been away from home, she’d managed to come up with some fabulous ideas for their baby’s nursery, the colours and furniture and it was the reason why she'd been so eager to get back home.

-----

“Fuck it’s so good to be home,” Rob said to me as he finally flopped onto the huge sofa in our lounge.

I sat next to him and he reached for my left hand.

“Yeah, this tour really was our best ever but being here with you is the best place on earth,” I said, gazing at him and we shared a kiss.

He began slowly stroking his thumb over the ring I’d been wearing since long before our wedding, he looked – I couldn’t quite put my finger on what he might be thinking which was unusual as we knew each other so well – pensive maybe, or even sad were the only things that came to mind.

“What’s up, babe?” I asked very quietly.

“I honestly don’t know," he said, slowly shaking his head, “the come-down from the excitement maybe, being home, it's so quiet here."

"Yeah, it's odd," I agreed, "it might take us a while to get used to not having to entertain eighty thousand people nearly every evening."

He let out a giggle,

"Yeah, in a way, I'm glad it's over, but I know I'm also gonna miss it. I might wake up and need to run around the apartment at two o'clock in the morning!"

"You do what you gotta do!" I laughed.

"I don't like this, not knowing what comes next, you know, I feel all at sea, lost. Our lives have been planned out for us for so long, not just for this tour but for years."

"Oh come on, we all need a really long break and it was a good idea to decide to not begin working on the new songs for at least a couple of months, don't you think?"

"Yeah of course, but what comes after that?" he asked sounding unsure, "Another tour taking up almost two years of our lives? I don’t think I'm up for that."

"Babe, it's too soon to be thinking about that. God knows how we'll feel about touring by the time the new album’s finished. We always feel this way after a tour or after releasing a record, we always feel like we can't do it again, that it'll never be as good, but it always is. And whatever we decide to do next, it doesn't have to be a tour as huge as this one was."

"Yeah, you're right," he nodded and sighed heavily, even more pensive than before.

I thought I could guess where his thoughts were leading him but just like when I waited for Jordan to explain what was on his mind all those months ago before he told me about Grainne, I had to let Rob take all the time he needed to express his thoughts and emotions.

Could it be my turn to speak first?

Whether it was or not I’d have to wait until we were both past the post-tour downer.

We were quiet for a moment. Rob moved his arm around my shoulders and as we snuggled up on the couch, my mind began wandering toward something I had been thinking about since Jordan had told me about his plan.

"You know Jordan's going back to Dublin with Grainne in a couple of weeks?" I asked.

"Is he?"

I simply nodded, not wanting to tell Rob that he was going to propose to Grainne. He had made me promise not to tell anyone yet.

"I was thinking about going with them? Would you like that? We could spend a few days with your folks and I know you wanted to go and take one last look at the house before they sell it."

"Yeah, that'd be nice," he said, as if he couldn't believe he hadn't thought of doing that himself, "I'll call them tomorrow."

Rob’s parents had recently sold their old home. They’d been renting it to their nephew since they had moved into the new home we had long since bought them – I had shared the cost with Rob and in all honesty I’d have happily paid for all of it alone and thought it small thanks for everything they’d done for me when I’d been at my most vulnerable.

Coincidentally, in the time Jordan and Grainne would be in Dublin, Jane and Ed were due to complete the sale.

I placed a gentle kiss over his lips that he returned.

“You're right, they should be handing over the keys about then. I'd love you to come with me you know – to take a last look at the old place."

“Rob, I’m not sure," I sighed.

"Please babe," he begged.

"I don't know, that would mean taking the risk of running into –,” I stopped not wanting to ruin the peaceful mood with my personal inner torment Rob knew me well enough to understand what I hadn’t said.

“Babe, don’t tell me you haven’t thought about confronting him because I sure as hell have.”

“Yeah I have – of course I have, and I know exactly what I'd say to him but would it really do anybody any good? Think about it, if I piss him off then walk away, the only one who’ll suffer is my mother.”

I sighed again, my head dropping onto the back of the sofa,

“You asked me to be there when your olds moved out, I couldn’t do it then I don’t think I can do it now.”

“Ok so what about this? Let’s see if we can book into Carton House, we could at least get in some other kind of reminiscing, and on the day, if you can’t handle going back to Rathmines, you can go straight to the new place and I’ll go to take one last look round the old one.”

I thought about it for a few moments before I answered,

“I could probably handle that, thanks hon.”

Rob nuzzled my neck and we grew quiet, just cuddling on the couch.

"So? What now?" he asked.

I smiled,

"How long has it been since we've made love on this couch?"

"Too long," he replied and started kissing me, fully pressing his lips against mine.

"Although," I began saying when we broke the kiss, "just so’s you know, I've asked Sandra to fully stock the kitchen in preparation for our return."

He smiled at me,

"And now you'd rather cook than have sex?"

"Foreplay, baby, foreplay! And I've missed my kitchen so much!"

He laughed and resumed kissing me. We made out for a few more moments, feeling incredibly comfortable, we just concentrated on each other's lips and mouths, not feeling the need for things to progress. A good ten minutes must have passed and without meaning to do so, I yawned during one our kisses.

"Ok," he said, propping himself up on his elbows, "You're tired and I'm hungry. The magic's gone!"

I let out a giggle,

"Yeah, I can already feel jet-lagged. Come on, let's see what we've got in the fridge."

We both got up and went over to the kitchen to see what we could make. About half an hour later the food was just about ready. Rob was sitting at the large centre island, looking very happy to be alive, while I took the vegetables I had grilled from the stove. He asked if there was anything he could do to help, but I told him no and that he should just go put on some music or pour himself some wine and watch TV. He opted to pour himself some wine and stand next to me while I finished the cooking. I thought to myself that it couldn't get any better than this.

We chatted about this and that, and he told me that it felt good to be home, knowing that we wouldn't be bothered by anybody. I realized how crazy the past few months had been and now we had all this free time to spend with each other. Just as I wondered if we'd be allowed to hibernate a little Rob's phone buzzed.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me," he said almost laughing when he read the message he'd just received.

"Invite?"

"Yeah, Jordan's telling me there's some kind of event in a club tomorrow night, wants to know if we're interested!"

"Does he say what kind of event it is?"

"Nope, probably something Grainne's been invited to for her job."

We sat down to dinner, and continued talking about a lot of different things. I found myself listening more than talking, I loved the timbre and flow of his voice. When he was calm, he spoke very well, and now as a grown man, his slightly nasal tone was so fucking sexy and I was more than a little intoxicated and hypnotised by the sound of his voice.

I couldn't help but think that we had an odd sort of relationship when Rob and I were together in private. It wasn't that we spent so much time talking when we were alone together. We didn't even spend that much time having sex, even though we were still doing it daily or at least every couple of days. For some reason, most of the time, we just loved hanging around each other, making each other laugh and doing all of the things we liked together. We would never run out things to talk about, even when we were just lying together, reading, writing music, watching TV but we truly found happiness in simply being together and being ourselves around each other.

I didn't know if I would ever be able to explain why but I always needed to feel his presence, to have him close to me, I felt so much better and at peace with myself when he was there. He made me feel so secure that I could go through life unfazed by all the bullshit - as long as I had him by my side.

As I watched him, I could still feel my stomach flip, there was still a spark and an excitement that hadn't died down. I really couldn't imagine my life without him. It broke my heart in a million pieces to even consider it and I wondered for a second how I had managed to leave him when I'd gone to New York. But then I remembered the way I'd felt three years before, when he was never there for me, physically or emotionally, and how much I had hated it. It was because I had been missing him so much that I'd become so upset with him. I didn't want to think back to that time of our lives though so I asked him what he wanted for dessert as we were relaxing quietly together.

I was about to get up to see what we had in the fridge when Jordan used his key to open the door of our apartment.

"Smells good!" he proclaimed. He walked over to the plate I had emptied the vegetables into. There were still a few left so he picked them up in his hands.

"So are you coming tomorrow night? Grainne needs to know, like, right now!"

"Jord," Rob said, "why send me a text if you knew you were gonna barge in here?"

"Cause you didn't answer it, duh!"

"What is the matter with you? If we hadn't decided to eat first, you'd be walking in on us having sex!" I said in a warning but playful tone.

"Nothing I haven't seen before!" he joked.

"Jord, it'd be nice to settle down and get over the jetlag first," Rob spoke for me.

"I had a feeling you'd say that, but that's my future wife's job we’re talking about, I have to go!" Jordan smiled brightly.

Rob looked at the two of us and his brows furrowed.

"Your future wife?" Rob asked, I could tell he felt a burning need to know more.

"I mean," Jordan quickly spoke but couldn't think of anything to say.

I laughed.

"Did I miss something?" Rob asked intrigued.

“Oh crap!” Jordan muttered, “Look Rob, say nothing alright, I’ve been thinking about asking Grainne to marry me when we’re in Dublin,” he blustered – I alone knew he’d made up his mind to propose ages ago.

"Really!!" Rob exclaimed with a bright smile and stared at Jordan, "Fucking hell, you're serious!" he said as he saw the expression on Jordan's face, then he looked at me, "Of-course, he's already told you about this. Is this why you want to go with them?" he asked.

"Well, yes and no."

"What d'you mean, is this why you want to go with them?" Jordan repeated Rob's question.

I told Jordan we were thinking about going back to Dublin too and why we wanted to go.

"Hang on, if you guys are going back to Rathmines, I'm coming with you. I've always told you this Mark," he said pointing his finger at me, "the day you decide to confront him, I want to be there! I was there when you went to talk to your mother," he said, "and I'll be there for this too."

That was true. Well sort of, I’d actually gone in to see my mother with Amy, but he’d driven with me to Rathmines then waited for me in one of our favourite pubs close by and he’d been waiting outside ready for me to collect him after I’d called him when I’d left the house.

"I'm not gonna confront him, it's not why we're going," I said, trying to convince myself that I wouldn't have to see James again.

Jordan looked at Rob and I knew what they were both thinking but they didn't say anything more.

"Won't you guys be going back to the Turcs and Caicos?"

"Obviously, we don't know when yet. There's not really enough time to go before Christmas. Maybe in January before Rachel gives birth?" I said to Rob in an inquisitive tone.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I want to spend some time here anyway - but Rach will kill us if we're not back for when she gives birth."

"When's she due again?" Jordan asked.

"Late February," I said.

Jordan seemed to think about his own plans with Grainne for a moment and then he spoke,

"Can Grainne and I tag along for a couple of weeks?" he asked excitedly.

"Dude, of course you can!" Rob said and then added in a playful way, "you'll just have to warn her that Mark and I live naked when we’re there!"

Jordan laughed out loud and nodded,

"Alright, I'll see what she has to say about that."

"I don't think she'll mind," I pointed out, "I mean she keeps telling us, we're so visually arousing," I said with a smile, waving my hand up and down my face and body, as well as Rob's, my brows all but dancing.

"Thank god you're gay!" Jordan laughed, "So? Tomorrow night? Will you be going with us?" he asked me specifically, "Don't worry, we won't get back into our usual rock star debauchery. After ten years, it starts to get a little old."

"Yeah, I don't mind going, do you want to?" I asked Rob.

"There should a lot of people we know there, it's gonna feel like a big home-coming!" Jordan beamed.

"Sounds fun," Rob said and looked at me.

He didn't have to say it, I knew it was exactly what he needed to start getting over the post-tour downer.

"Brilliant," Jordan said and texted Grainne back.

"So what are we having?" he asked as he saw I was about to make dessert.

"Go home, Jord," I laughed.

"Alright! I'll leave you two to enjoy your gay romantic dinner," he said, "I'll see you tomorrow, I’ll text you the details, enjoy yourselves," he added and happily headed out.

After locking the door to avoid any further interruptions I began making dessert with what we had. I took out a couple of yogurts, a jar of lemon curd and a bowl of raspberries that I had taken from the freezer when I'd started cooking, then I put a few Amaretti biscuits in a food bag and asked Rob to hit them with a rolling pin to relieve some of his post-tour downer. Once that was done, we prepared the dessert together and went to savour it in the living room.

"Mmm, so good," Rob said as he finished his bowl and licked his spoon clean. We were relaxing on the couch, with the sound of Frank Sinatra playing quietly in the background. Rob was sitting up straight on the couch but I was resting against the arm, a cushion behind my back and my feet on his lap.

After placing his bowl on the coffee table like I had mine, he began rubbing my bare feet for a few moments and I just enjoyed the massage.

Then Rob grabbed both my legs, stood up and placed them back down on the couch. He picked both our bowls up and went to put them in the dishwasher. As he was doing this, I decided to listen to a different style of music so I stood up to change what was playing. Rob came back before I had enough time to select something else, he gently wrapped an arm around my waist and suggested we go to bed.

I smiled as he caressed my hand and made me follow him. Before we began walking upstairs, I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around his body. I kissed his cheek and squeezed him tighter, needing to feel close to him.

"So, if we're not having sex on the couch, then we're having sex on our bed?"

"Not necessarily," he smirked, "what d'you have in mind?"

I giggled,

"Tell me, when was the last time we had sex somewhere other than a bed?" I asked playfully.

He let out a short laugh,

"Mmm, good question," he turned around.

I didn't want to let go of him so I planted a kiss on his lips and continued holding him tight; I also tried to remember the last time we had sex somewhere other than a hotel bed never mind our own.

"I guess, the spa in Vegas? So, like a month ago," he said.

"What do you think that is in gay years?" I smiled.

Rob laughed,

"Yeah, you're right, we have to be careful," he said, playing along, "I mean, first it's only on the bed, then it's only weekends in the dark and before we know it, we don't touch each other at all anymore!"

"Yeah, I think we're still a little bit away from that day but…" I left my sentence unfinished.

Rob looked up the staircase before he spoke,

"I guess we'll have plenty of time to have sex on our bed again."

"My thoughts exactly," I murmured and gently pressed my lips against his cheek, and then his lips, my kisses growing in intensity as I pulled him into me.

I had no idea why it happened but the way we kissed lit a fire inside us. He

looked intently into my eyes and tingling sensations rippled through my body as he sensually brushed his lips against mine.

His hands moved up to my shoulders, and my kisses drifted down to his gorgeous neck as my hands lightly caressed his back. Before I knew it he was tugging at my clothes, pulling my shirt off me and undoing my jeans. He lifted my cock out of my underwear and quickly worked to get me hard. He dropped to his knees and I felt him pushing my boxers and jeans lower. I lifted my legs one at a time so that he could pull them off, leaving me in my nakedness. He began sucking me, taking me down to the base, moaning ever so slightly.

I enjoyed his mouth on me for a short moment but quickly urged him off the ground and he jumped up, pulling off his own shirt, revealing his taught, lightly furred chest. I started nibbling at his right nipple, and I heard him sigh contentedly. I loved his nipples, they were a perfect medium size, and they responded immediately to any stimulation. I quickly moved to the other nipple, my hands grasping his biceps or pecs.

I made him take a few steps backwards so he could sit at the bottom of the stairs and then I lowered my mouth onto his abdomen. A tiny trail of hair descended slightly down the middle from his chest, and then disappeared, only to faintly reappear as a sparse line flowing down from his navel. With my tongue I could feel his individual abdominal muscles.

He smiled at me and I raised myself up to crush my lips against his. I slid my hand inside his trousers, feeling his throbbing member. He reached down, undoing them and somehow getting out of them.

I grasped his penis in my hand and pulled it away from his body. He moaned as I moved my hand up and down his pole and then kissed my way down his chest. When I got down to his cock, I rubbed it against my lips, and then slowly closed my mouth over the head. I traced the ridges of his member with my tongue, lowering myself on it more and more. I was just thinking about how painfully hard my own cock was when I felt Rob's hand trying to rub my erection. I moved back up and we pressed our naked bodies together.

Had it been so long since we'd had impromptu sex, I wondered to myself, or was this a way of starting the next chapter of our lives?

Either way, I knew he wanted and needed me as much as I needed him. My thoughts were replaced with pure physical pleasure as we kissed some more and rubbed our erections together, I felt his hands lift me off of him as he turned himself over. I looked down at his perfect, smooth ass and immediately kissed his lower back and then his cheeks, rubbing them with my hands. His legs opened a little wider allowing me to lick at the skin between his balls and anus. I applied pressure to the area with my tongue and I heard a soft whimper.

"Mark," I heard him call softly.

I looked up at him, "You want me to..."

"Yes," he sighed, "please, can you just fuck me?"

I knew where we had left a bottle of lube in the living room so I quickly went to fetch it.

When I came back Rob was facing me again as he leant back on the staircase. I opened the bottle of lube and squeezed the warm liquid onto my hand. He bent his knees and spread his legs and I brought my hand to his hole, enticed by its heat, sliding my finger inside.

"Oh, that's good," he sighed, his head rolling back.

The walls of his anus gripped my finger and, realising that I shouldn't keep him waiting any longer, I used some of the lube on my cock then leaned over him, feeling him draw his legs up even further so that my cock brushed up against his hole. Using my hand as a guide, I pushed myself inside him, hearing Rob groan underneath me. His hands reached up, grabbing my ass, quickly pushing me all the way inside and I relished the feeling of my cock sliding into him.

"Oh, fuck, baby." Rob cried, his eyes closing, "That's it!"

I started rocking my hips, supporting my weight with my hands and arms on the stairs.

"God, I love you," I said, thrusting inside him.

"I love you too," he smiled, "fuck me."

Rob let out a loud groan and I could see the precum dribbling out of his long, hard cock. I gently fucked his ass, I didn't slam into him or even withdraw a large amount of my cock before pushing forward again. We’d found a slow rhythm that we both seemed to be enjoying then I felt Rob's desire to pick up the pace a bit.

"I wanna turn around," he said, lightly pushing me away from him.

My cock slid out of him and he flipped over, lifting his ass up in the air, his knees resting a few steps below his elbows.

I placed my hands on his ass, pulling his cheeks apart, exposing his inviting hole.

I dripped the lube onto his hole and he moaned again, contracting his love muscle. I then applied some more lube to my cock and brought it to meet his hole and started sliding into him again. It amazed me how easily Rob would always receive me, even when I wasn't particularly gentle with him.

I played with his hole a little, pushing half my length inside him and then pulling out completely, I repeated the action a few times, resisting the urge to go deeper as I heard Rob whimper. Then I watched my cock disappear inside his chute and my whole body shuddered when I fully entered him and I laid my chest on top of his back, my arms on either side of him.

Rob began meeting my thrusts with his own, quickly becoming more and more vocal and passionate,

"Oohh, feels so good." he panted. "Fuck me."

We moved faster and faster and I brought my hand down underneath him to grasp his cock. He made another noise and humped himself against my hand.

"Do you want me to jerk you off?" I asked.

"I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be able to cum on my own," he said with a small laugh.

I slowed down a bit, only to have him quicken his backward thrusts against me. A sound escaped his lips and it had a note of panic to it, telling me he needed to cum now. I let him do the rest of the rocking and soon thereafter I felt his cock pulse in my hand.

"Oh, God," he moaned. "I can feel it coming. I'm gonna cum," he all but growled.

His ass tightened around my shaft as his cock began to spill cum onto the wooden steps. I kept a firm hold on his cock and then blasted off myself as his anus squeezed my dick. Rob was much louder than usual and I enjoyed listening to his moans of pleasure as I hit his prostate. I pressed my face into his shoulder blade, licking, kissing and grunting as my own orgasm made my body judder. He continued to tremble for a few moments before I felt his entire body relax.

Minutes later, we were both still panting heavily, our bodies soaked with sweat, my chest pressed against his back.

"Uh, Rob?" I laughed, "How the hell did we get here?"

He looked behind him and started to laugh as well. We had started pretty much at the bottom of the stairs but now we were more than halfway up them.

"It's just as well," Rob said, "we're that much closer to the bedroom."

After a long and relaxing shower, I sat on the bathroom counter while Rob brushed his teeth.

"I think I'd like to spend some time redecorating the place," I said. "There are so many things I'd like to change. It feels like we haven't invested any time and effort in here for so long."

"Yeah that's true," he agreed, "I still love how it is but it wouldn't hurt to do some reorganising and redecorating. We could enjoy it better."

"Yeah, being back here feels great. I really thrive off the energy in here but I wanna make it as good as it can be!"

"Looks like you've just come up with your next project!" Rob said and I agreed.

We headed into the bedroom where Rob plopped down on the bed and lay on his back, his face at the end of the bed and his feet resting on the pillows.

After a few seconds, he propped himself up on his elbows and spoke,

"I'm still not sure about that," he said, looking up at the poster of himself recording 'Magic' that Sam Smith had given us and that I’d had hung above our bed back in May, right before we had to leave again.

"Well, I still love it," I said and went to lay next to him.

"I just love the expression on your face – and your whole body language too. Just love it. You look so intense and beautiful,” I told him sincerely as I studied the poster again.

In the photo, he was clearly doing what he did best – putting his heart and soul into every word he sang. He was alone in the sound booth using headphones in the odd way he did – his left ear covered, the other not – his eyes were half-closed making him look hot. The poster carried the legend,

“Une Nuit de Magie.”

Rob was wearing a pale blue jumper, the thin fabric clinging to his body, the sleeves were pushed up to just below his elbows and his tan contrasted with the colour and the pale grey jeans he wore. He was partly sat on, partly leaning against a tall stool. His right foot was on the floor and the other was resting on the bar between the stool’s legs and although the still photo couldn’t show it, I knew from the video Sam had sent to me as soon as he’d heard we were back together that his left hand had been tapping the song’s rhythm on his thigh.

Rob turned his head and smiled at me. Then in one swift move, he got off the bed and left the bedroom.

"Where're you going?" I asked but he didn't give me an answer so I didn't move and carried on staring at my gorgeous husband on the wall as I waited for him to come back.

When he walked into the bedroom again, he was carrying an acoustic guitar.

"That photo keeps reminding me of another song I tried writing with Sam," he said as he sat on the bed next to me, "I've been wanting to play it to you for three years to be honest, but I don't know, it's not any good. I was playing ‘Trouble’ to Sam, and then I changed the lyrics and it kinda became something else."

"Show me," I said eargerly.

"Ok, but it's really not any good, I just, I didn't want you to hear it three years ago and I’m not entirely sure why I want you to hear it now –"

"Just play…" I said and he let out a giggle.

"Alright, so I called it, ‘Life Is For Living,’” he said and started playing, pausing a few times to remember the notes or the lyrics.

Now I never meant to do you wrong
That's what I came here to say
But if I was wrong, then I'm sorry
Don't let it stand in our way
Cause my head just aches
When I think of - the things that I shouldn't have done

But life is for living - We all know - And I don't want to live it alone

Sing Ah, ah, oh – Sing Ah, ah, oh - And just think - Ah, ah, oh

‘Cause in the end, there's only us – 'Cause in the end there's only love

"Wow!" I exclaimed when he stopped singing, "Start on the piano, add a riff at the end and we've got ourselves a U-N-I classic here!"

He gave a chuckle,

"I don't know, reminds me of the stuff we used to write ten years ago, songs that never made it to the album."

I let out a laugh, I knew what he meant, we had written so many of those.

He placed the guitar down on the floor and lay next to me again.

We were quiet for a short moment and I listened to Rob's breathing. It was calm and soothing.

"I'm sorry, babe," I said quietly, full of regrets.

"Why?" he asked genuinely wondering what I was apologizing for.

I sighed,

"I never wanted you to feel like you were alone."

"Oh, I know you didn't. But that's just how I feel when I'm not with you," he said with a small shrug.

"Aw, come on," I said with an overwhelming feeling of guilt in my stomach.

"Don't be sorry though," he said, "I wouldn't have agreed to getting any help if the circumstances had been different. But the thing was, the only times I truly felt good were when I was with you - but then you weren't there, and there was… nothing, no one to make me feel better."

I watched him as he told me this with calm and sincerity and my heart sank a little deeper into my gut.

"If you're trying to make me cry here, it's working," I said, a few tears already filling my eyes.

His lips formed a small smile,

"It's true babe. I can be surrounded by hundreds of people and feel like I'm alone if you're not there with me. You're my whole world and I need you to balance me out."

I smiled,

"You're my whole world too."

He leaned over me to give a short kiss, then looked intently into my eyes and went back to laying quietly next to me.

"Do you think someone else might become our whole world one day?" he eventually whispered.

"Like who?" I whispered too, needing to hear him say the words.

"Our child," he said, his eyes fixed on the ceiling.

The fact that he didn't look at me when he said it told me he wasn’t sure how I’d react to his words.

I had absolutely no doubt that he was going to say this at some point. We had often talked about it with friends and even joked about it with Rachel many times, but I couldn't say that we had ever really discussed it seriously, so it was still a bit of a shock to hear him say it out loud, like it was suddenly becoming more real.

He finally turned his head and looked at me, as if he was trying to gauge my reaction. I wasn't sure what he saw in my eyes but what he said surprised me.

"I only need you to be happy."

I had no idea why I wasn't talking and I could tell he wasn't sure what I was thinking, so he carried on,

"But I want us to be a family someday, I want you to have what I had growing up. I don't know how, I don't know when, but I do think that, if we're lucky, it could happen. Have you given it any thought?”

I drew a deep breath. Apparently, it was my turn to ‘fess up.

"Babe, of course I have – Rachel and me have been waiting for you to say it for years. I guess I didn’t call you on it ‘cause, well it was a bit like you waiting for me to be ready to marry you, I knew you’d say it when you were ready.”

He let out a small laugh,

"I don't know if I'm ready, or if you are for that matter, but think about it, Rachel's giving birth in like four months, Alicia and Grainne will soon follow. Actually, I think Alicia's pregnant already but they just don't want to say anything yet."

"D'you reckon?" I asked.

"Pay attention!"

"Alright, I will," I said with a chuckle.

"There'll soon be three kids running around. And I'm sure the girls won't be stopping at one. That's gonna be pretty awesome. For us and for them."

"Yeah, it will be. But that's the thing, we can just be the cool guncles," I giggled, "it's not like there won't be kids to spoil in our future."

"It's not the same though. When they're not your kids, you don't get to take them home and raise them."

"We can at least let them go first, it won't be as easy for us."

"I know. But I like to think there might be children in our future. Remember the interview with Ellen? You said then that you were thinking whatever came after the tour felt like it was going to be another chapter, perhaps us starting a family is that new chapter."

"Yeah, perhaps," I said in a low voice, "but as I've said, for us that's not as easy, it could end badly and we need to accept that before we do anything about it.”

“That’s what I’ve been thinking about. I didn’t say anything before because I wasn’t certain I was strong enough to face that; I know it could be stressful, really stressful and we all know where that led the last time I faced that kind of stress. But you not wanting the same, that’s been scaring the shit out of me."

"I do, I do want the same!" I reassured him.

He looked surprised,

"Are you sure? Please, babe, don’t say that if you don’t mean it, if you’re not absolutely certain about it.”

“I am, but,”

“But?”

“But I don't know, I don't see that happening, like right now, but yeah, maybe in three to five years or something."

"Well, yeah, I'm not saying that we should start right now, but I don't want to have a kid when I'm fifty, you know I don’t want to do an Elton, I mean the clock is ticking for us too!" he said playfully.

“You did not just say that!" I immediately huffed a laugh, sitting up on the bed, "tell me you did not just say that, I am so going to tell Rach you said that,” by now I was really laughing.

"What?" he laughed with me and it took me a while to tell him what I’d said to Rach the night we began planning the wedding.

“I told her, I knew you were going to say it!” I began laughing again, Rob chuckling with me.

“See, that’s how well you know me,” he smiled.

I lay back down next to him, feeling pretty good about everything, and my eyes were once again drawn to the photo on the wall.

"We should call her 'Magie' if we have a girl." I joked, pronouncing the word in French, "you know, for the song that got us back together!"

Rob looked at me, then at the poster I was still staring at, quickly noticing that I had just been reading the legend at the bottom of the frame.

"I like it," Rob said with a small giggle, "and I'm sure she'd be perfect, like our very own precious piece of magic."

I smiled,

"It's not even a name though. It's just a word," I pointed out.

"We're rock stars!" he exclaimed, "we can give her an unusual name, that's expected."

I laughed,

"And it's a mix of both our names too, isn't it?" I said realizing that it was in the second before as I said it to Rob.

"You're right, it is!" he exclaimed, obviously digging the name. "And the G in the middle is because, you know, cause she'll have two gay dads. And people can also call her Maggie or Maggi," he said, pronouncing the second version like the English word 'magic' but without the C sound.

"Look at us talking about baby names," I laughed playfully.

"You started it," he laughed too. "And what if it's a boy?"

I sighed,

"I don't know how I'd feel about having a boy…"

"You're nothing like your father," Rob reminded me.

"I know. But I think you'd have to be the bad cop of parenting cause I don't think I'd be able to do any discipline."

"You'll know exactly what do to, and you'll be a great dad, I've no doubt about that."

I was thoughtful for a moment,

"Rachel asked me if I wanted to be Callum's godfather," I told Rob.

Damon and Rachel knew they were having a boy and had already picked out a name for him, not keeping it a secret from us.

He smiled,

"Of course she did. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Cause she asked me on the plane yesterday as we were talking and said she didn't want me to give her an answer right away and then she went back to her seat as if nothing had happened."

Rob laughed,

"She knows you so well. – So, d'you want to be?" he asked.

"Of course I do. I'd never say no to something like this. But when she asked me, she said something like, that he could’ve been hers and mine and that she really wanted me to say yes because it might be the closest I'll get to knowing what it's like for myself."

"Yeah, he could've been hers and yours, but in the end, that little guy's got the parents he should have – with a bunch of crazy uncles and aunts to spoil him rotten!"

"Yeah, I told her that particular scenario had never been meant for me. I was too damaged back then when we were together so I never thought that far ahead about her and me, I’d have been no good as a parent to anyone,” I leaned forward to kiss his shoulder, "I couldn’t have known that you were the remedy, so I never gave having kids a thought but once I knew you were thinking about it, yeah I did.”

“You,” he said turning to face me, “have never been damaged,” he kissed me gently, “you have always had a good heart, I got so lucky when you gave it to me.”

I looked into his eyes and felt pretty confident that we would make this happen one day, his eyes were full of longing and this time it wasn’t for me – and that didn’t bother me one bit.

"I love you more than anything," I said to him, "so sure, I'd love to experience being a parent, to take that next step with you. If we can be a family one day, yeah, I'm in, of course I'm in!"

He smiled wholeheartedly.

"You know," I continued with a mischievous thought in mind, "I didn't know how much I'd love calling you my husband – so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna love calling you ‘daddy’," I joked, pronouncing the word in a sexual way.

He looked at me and smirked,

"Don't –" he said, half-closing his eyes.

"What?" I asked innocently, "You don't like me calling you daddy," I said in a suggestive manner.

"Don't do it!" he warned as he reached over to grab a pillow and push it against my face to shut me up.

I forced it off me and he hit me playfully with it so I grabbed my own pillow and slammed it forcefully against his chest.

"I don't get it, am I not saying it right?" I asked again, trying to sound innocent.

"You're an asshole!" he complained. "I will not let you ruin it for me!"

I knelt on the bed and we slammed our pillows into each other. Rob wrestled me down, took the pillow out of my hands and pinned me down.

"That's it, daddy!" I laughed as I pushed him up and got on top of him and it was my turn to pin him down.

"Stop it!" he said, his voice had a warning tone again, pushing me away.

As we wrestled, we came closer and closer to the edge of the bed and as he tried to get away from the grip I had on him he fell off the bed with a loud bang.

"Are you ok, daddy?" I asked, lying down on my stomach and looking down at him, smirking.

"I hate you," he said with a small laugh, massaging his foot that he had probably hurt.

"Do you? Am I gonna get punished?" I asked with the same innocent tone of voice giving him a wicked smirk.

He laughed and jumped back on the bed. I barely had any time to turn around before he’d grabbed my hands, holding them to my sides. I stopped wrestling him so he was able to get on top of me and pinned me beneath him, being a bit larger and stronger. He moved my arms above my head and sat on my legs.

"Listen," he instructed, "if you don't stop, I'm gonna have to punish Marky boy here," he said.

He let go of one of my hands and reached into my boxer-briefs, pulling out my penis.

I looked down at myself, then back up at him.

"Punish away ‘daddy’," I sniggered, "he was very naughty earlier."

I started moving my hips causing his hand to move up and down my slowly hardening shaft. I tried to enjoy the feeling because I knew he wouldn't linger too long on my cock and would soon go for my ass, there was no doubt in my mind that I was about to get rimmed and fucked.

"Ok." he sighed, pretending he didn't want to do what he was about to do. "You asked for it."

We both smiled at each other and then he leaned forward to push his lips against mine. I grabbed the back of his neck to kiss him back and as my lips lightly brushed against his, I thought about what Rob had mentioned from our interview with Ellen before, it really did feel like we were about to start the next chapter in our lives.