U-N-I - 20. Chapter 20

Mark's point of view

 

"Call him and tell him exactly that! It'll be fun," Jordan said to me.

I laughed and took my phone out of my pocket with a mischievous grin.

"Put him on speaker," he asked.

"Hey… Mark – how, how are you?" Damon stammered, insisting on my name, which made it so obvious that he was with Rachel and he was subtly trying to tell her that I was calling.

"I'm good," I responded, "still in Dublin with Jord. He's flying back home tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah, he told me… Look, I'm sorry I didn't call you back last week. I was going to, but…"

"It's fine," I interrupted him immediately, "you were busy, I understand. Rob told me all about it."

"Oh…," he said, somewhat confused.

"Look, Dammo, I just want you to know that you can come to France with Rachel if you want to, that's totally fine. I'd love for you to come. And if she doesn't wanna go anymore, that's fine too. Totally fine!" I exclaimed playfully.

"Uhh, no.. I.. she, well, uhh…," he muttered.

Jordan let out a giggle as he looked at me.

"Yeah, you think about it." I said to him, "Totally fine!" I exclaimed again, "I've gotta run, talk to you later…"

"Uh, ok, Mark, wait…"

"Congratulations, dude!" Jordan yelled into the phone, "When's the party? I mean, the wedding!"

"Dammit, you guys!" Damon exclaimed with a chuckle before I hung up.

Jordan let out a laugh,

"I still can't believe this," he said, "d'you reckon he's gonna go with her?"

"Yeah, I'd say he will. What else is he gonna do? I just hope that she still wants to come with me. I don't feel like going alone anymore."

"I'll go with you then," he suggested.

"No way, you're just gonna embarrass me," I joked.

"I'm the one who tracked him down!" he exclaimed.

I let out a laugh as Damon called back immediately.

"What was that about?" he asked when I answered.

"I don't know, you tell me," I said, feigning ignorance.

He didn't speak for a few seconds,

"Fine," he announced, "so, yeah, ok, I'll come with Rachel if that's ok."

"That's ok," I confirmed.

Jordan smiled and pulled his phone out of his jacket,

"Hey, that's cool. We should all go," he said as he waited for the call to connect, "now, Rob's gonna feel left out."

After a few seconds, he spoke into his phone,

"Dude, you're going to France tomorrow with Damon and Rach, start packing!" he ordered Dylan.

---------

A couple of days later, we were all soaking up the September sun on a beach in Arcachon along the Atlantic coast.

I walked out of the water shortly after Rachel had and went back to our beach towels on the sand. Rachel was already lying on her back and working on her tan. I picked up a towel and dried myself a little before sitting down on the towel next to hers.

"I think we should go the Dune of Pilat tomorrow, it looks beautiful," she said.

"Yeah, alright, how far away is it?" I asked.

"Not far at all. May be an hour’s drive."

I picked up my sunglasses and put them on to better watch Damon and Dylan playing beach volleyball with a group of French guys not far from us and getting their asses kicked. I laughed when Damon jumped for the volleyball as it went over the net, missed it and fell flat on his face in the sand.

"What's funny?" Rachel asked as she lifted her head up to look at them too.

"You missed it."

"Shoot, too bad."

 

 

 

 

I kept watching them and after a short moment, I asked her,

"So…are you ever gonna talk to me about him?"

She slightly opened one eye to look at me and then lifted her head up again and looked over at Damon.

"No," she answered matter-of-factly before laying her head back down and closing her eyes again.

I giggled,

"Fine. Then I'll ask Jordan. I'm sure Damon will tell him everything," I said as I lay down on the towel too, knowing she wouldn't want me to do that.

"Ok," she responded as she sat up, "What do you wanna know?"

"I don't know. Everything," I answered, propping myself up on my elbows. "How, when… how many times?" I joked.

She gave a self-conscious laugh,

"I am not having this conversation with you."

"Oh, are you not?" I exclaimed, "You've always made me listen to every single one of your hook up stories, and now that it's Damon we're talking about, you're not gonna tell me anything, are you serious?"

"Yes. I'm serious," she said with a smile.

"Come on!" I begged.

She smiled and watched him again. After a moment, she let out a huff and turned to me,

"Mark, I have no idea what I'm doing. Seriously, I feel so confused!"

I gave a slight nod and bit my lower lip,

"I'm pretty sure I can help you figure it out …"

"I'm trying really hard to analyze my feelings, but I can't…all I know is that," she said with a light shrug, "it just feels right."

She turned her head to look over at him again,

"He's not just some guy I can dump before it gets too serious. What if I realise that it's just not gonna work out or that I'm not in love with him?…. It scares me. I don't want it to be short-lived and fuck up our friendship."

"Why wouldn't it work out?"

"I don't know, we've only just started dating."

"Yeah," I said with a nod,

"It's not like you've known the guy for twenty years."

She chuckled.

"Come on, you've been dating for years! You just weren't having sex," I said with a laugh.

She shook her head.

"Have you had sex?" I asked playfully.

"Shut up!"

"Seriously? Nothing? You're not gonna give me anything?"

She pursed her lips and I asked playfully again,

"Was it weird? Were you disappointed?"

She threw her head back with a laugh. Then, she looked at me with a cute smile,

"No, it wasn't weird. That's the thing, I thought it'd be really weird to be with him… But it really wasn't. It isn't."

I nodded knowingly,

"Let me guess…you love the time you spend with him even more now and when you're not with him, you can't wait to be. Although when you think back to the awesome sex you two had, it kinda weirds you out and you can't really wrap your head around it…but you still wanna do it again anyway 'cause you loved every second of it."

She looked at me with a smirk,

"Is that how you felt with Rob?"

"Of course. And the fact that he was making me question my sexuality didn't make it any easier. I mean, he was a guy and he was my best friend. It was never weird or awkward when we were together but it did take me a while to come to terms with my feelings, and with being gay and all…"

"How long did it last?"

"I don't remember. Up until I told you about it, for sure… yeah, a few months. But it goes away after a while," I reassured her.

"Does it?" she asked unconvinced.

"It does. You'll stop seeing him as a friend. You'll just forget that you used to be just friends. Promise, you will. And then you won't even remember what it was like before," I said.

She nodded,

"He's great. I've always loved him, but I don't know, our relationship's always been about laughing and mucking around...and talking about our relationships. He knows everything… he knows more than you do!" she exclaimed.

"Does he? You mean, I didn't get all the juicy details? What more could you have told him?" I asked jokingly.

She giggled and gave a light shrug,

"There are a couple of guys I never talked to you about."

I looked at her in surprise,

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't have like 'em. You never like the guys I date."

"That's 'cause they're never good enough for you," I said.

She smiled,

"Yeah. So these two, you defo wouldn't have liked 'em."

"Well, I happen to like Damon."

"Me too." she said with a grin, "Honestly, I never thought I'd ever have romantic feelings for him. I see him completely differently. I've always thought he was good-looking but I didn't think of him that way…. I don't know what's happening, but I can't stop smiling!"

"Aw, that's awesome. I'm glad you finally both realized there was more than friendship to your relationship."

She pursed her lips with a nod,

"Who am I gonna talk to about my boyfriend now, if Damon's my boyfriend, huh?" she asked.

"I volunteer," I said, raising my arm, just as Jordan ran back up to us, bent over on top of her and shook his hair out with his fingers to remove the excess water.

"Oh, stop it, you dumbass!" Rachel complained with a laugh.

"What did I miss?" he asked as he sat on the sand, "From where I was standing, your conversation looked very interesting."

"You didn't miss anything. I was only telling Mark all about Damon and I having sex," she joked.

He smirked at me,

"Interesting indeed! I hope you didn't get offended when she told you that he was way better than you!"

I raised my eyebrows at him,

"That's not possible. I was the first one. I set the bar really high!"

"Yeah, now I have ridiculously high standards, thank you very much," she said.

"Is that your plan though?" Jordan asked her, "To have sex with all of your friends!"

She gasped,

"Shut up!"

"Am I next?" he winked at her flirtatiously.

She busted up laughing and threw sand at him,

"I will never - ever - have sex with you. That's a promise."

"Never say never," he teased.

"Ne-ver," she emphasized, "I'll have sex with Rob before I have sex with you!"

"I'll leave you two alone," I said and ran back toward the water.

"Don't you leave me alone with him," she yelled and ran after me, while Jordan tried to catch her.

--------

Over the next couple of days, we all took advantage of the warm weather to do a bit of sightseeing until the time came for me to meet my biological father. As promised, Rachel accompanied me.

We first met in a restaurant over lunch. I didn't know what to expect. I didn't have high expectations, that's for sure. I couldn't say that I was in desperate search of a sense of identity from a father I’d never met. As much as I resented James for making my childhood miserable and difficult, I couldn't say that I had grown up without a father figure. I wasn't trying to fill a hole, but it was nice to discover where the other half of me came from, to figure out who I really was and to meet that person whose features were so similar to mine.

I hoped meeting him would have a positive impact on my life, and even on my relationship with my mother. He wasn't mad at her. On the contrary, he was glad she hadn't shaken up his whole life by telling him about me. He helped me realize that I had to stop being so hard on my mother. She was just a twenty-five-year-old at the time who had to make the difficult decision to keep her baby no matter the consequences it would have on her marriage.

Although he was a stranger to me and I was a stranger to him, that didn't stop us from experiencing a surge of emotion when we stood face to face and from welling up a little. It was kind of awkward and intimidating at first but thankfully, there was no language barrier between us and he was an outgoing person who immediately made you feel at ease.

He invited all of us over for a barbecue a couple of days later and I met his wife and children. I discovered I had a whole other family, another half brother and sister I knew nothing about. It already felt like they were welcoming me completely into their lives. I didn't expect any of them to go out of their way to recognize that I was there, but they did and it felt really good to know we'd probably maintain some sort of relationship. We'd already made plans to see each other again.

Even though Rob wasn't there and they hadn't actually seen me with him, they had no problem accepting the fact that I was gay, contrary to my own family. Apart from Amy, they weren't exactly cool with it. My ‘brother’, Thomas, was only pretending to be, and my mother was unable to even pronounce the word 'gay' or 'homosexual' in front of me. She could only use the word 'different'. She'd always thought that I was 'different' she'd said. Thomas had been raised believing everything his father had taught him … that a man had to be strong and virile, that being in touch with your feminine side was wrong, that doing anything remotely artistic was weird and pointless and that being gay was abnormal… he had grown up with all these codes around him… and in a way, I had too. However, I had also spent a lot of my time at Rob's where I could really be myself. With his parents, every hobby was encouraged, it was ok to be artistic, to talk about your feelings, to have flaws and weaknesses, it was ok to cry… As a kid, I’d honestly had no idea that I was gay, but I did feel that I was somewhat different and unable to conform to my parents' expectations. If it hadn't been for Rob's, god knows how much harder it would have been for me to come to terms with being gay.

----

After meeting my father, we stayed in France and went on a road trip along the Mediterranean coast. We spent a few days in Montpellier, Nimes and Marseille. Then, we went to Fréjus where I used to spend the summer with my family.

We had been staying in Saint Tropez for a week when Rob sent me a message on whatsapp one evening. It wasn't unusual because we'd text each other almost on a daily basis. He'd tell me about some of the stuff he was doing and I'd tell him about our trip and send him a few pictures.

"Hey, what were you up to today?"

"We ate at that 3 michelin starred restaurant la Vague d'Or I was telling you about. It was supposed to be full but they got us a table. Totally worth trying to get one. Then afternoon at the beach. You?"

"Cool. What was the menu like?"

I sent him a few pictures we had taken of the dishes.

"wow, looks beautiful."

"It was. We almost didn't dare to touch it."

" I have smth special to share with you today."

"What is it?"

"I've collaborated with Sam Smith while he was recording here in LA. We wrote a song together that will be on his new album. And he helped me write one, that I hope, will be on the record. Take a listen I love you"

"Alright. I'm guessing the lyrics are meant for me?"

"Just take a listen… and take your time"

I smiled. I was surprised to read that he had gotten back into the studio. I hadn't expected him to do that. It was so comforting to know that he wanted to write music again and that he’d actually done it.

I went to pull off my headphones out of my Ipod, plugged them in my phone and made myself comfortable on the bed. Although I wasn't sure what to expect, knowing the kind of music Sam Smith was writing, I was pretty sure that the song he'd written with him was some sort of love song, and that I'd end up with tears welling up in my eyes by the end of it.

As I listened, it definitely had its intended effect on me. From the first hearing, I was overcome with emotion. His voice and the words he sang gave me goose bumps and sent chills down my spine. I listened to it again. Damn, his voice, his gorgeous voice. There was a passion in his singing that really drove the song and made it so special. I could tell this was a song with a double reading, but as I focused on the message, that he was missing me, I couldn't help but feel over emotional. I couldn't bring myself to listen to it again so I played the second song.

And, boy, did he kill me with that one. The way it made me feel was unexplainable. It was very different to the first song, which sounded very 'Sam Smith'.

This one was him, all him. It was his style, his sound – our sound – and it was awesome. The lyrics hit me right in the ‘feels’ and instantly made me cry. I couldn't stop playing it on repeat. The more I listened to it, the better it got – which to me, was what made a track special, because when a song did that, it meant that you would never get tired of hearing it.

There was a whole new level of honesty in the lyrics. I could tell that he had challenged himself and it made me feel so hopeful for the future. I began thinking that maybe it was the direction we ought to take for our new record, use everything we had gone through in the past few months to write new songs together.

---------

A while later, Rachel walked back into my room after I’d told her to listen to the songs. I had been scrolling through the fans reaction to a picture I had just posted on Instagram of Rob and I together as kids. I had found it while going through photo albums with Amy and immediately thought that this was a picture our fans would love to see. It was also a way to tell him, publicly, that I loved the songs, that I loved him and that I wanted people to know that.

I was about to pass out into sleep when she jumped onto the bed, grabbed my arm and shook me,

"Oh my god Mark, why aren’t you packing yet. Get on the fucking plane!"

I opened my eyes and rubbed them wearily.

“I loved that you shared the picture,” she said, "people are absolutely loving it."

"Yeah, I know," I agreed, "so, do you think I should go?" I asked with a smile I couldn't take off my face, already knowing the answer.

She stared at me with a grin,

"Of course. He did what he had to do, he went to rehab. And with these songs, he's proven to you that he's back to his normal self. He’s writing music…. he's ready to take things seriously and go after your dreams and goals again. What more does he have to do? And gosh, those lyrics; they're so heartfelt and beautiful. I'm jealous, just go," she said with a giggle.

I certainly didn't need much convincing. I had already decided to go and I was elated at the thought of being with him again sooner than we had intended. It was making my whole body tingle with anticipation.

"I want to, but he still has to stay for a couple more weeks."

"So what? You're allowed to stay there with him, surprise him!"

"You don't mind?" I said, knowing she'd say no, though I still felt like I needed to ask because it meant cutting the vacation short. We had planned on staying a bit longer and leaving for Monaco a couple of days later.

"Get on the plane!" she yelled enthusiastically.

I laughed.

"Alright, alright, you don't need to yell," I joked.

-----------

When I told Jordan and Dylan that I wanted to leave in the morning to go to L.A, they obviously had no objection. They all chose to stay in France and finish the road trip without me so I got on a flight to Paris and from there, took a direct flight to Los Angeles on the following day.

I would normally sleep pretty easily on flights to pass time, but on this one, I couldn’t. I was too excited, so when I landed in LAX around noon, I already felt jetlagged …. It really was the worst part of traveling but being an experience traveler now, I knew what to do to avoid messing up my body clock. Thankfully, I had been traveling west, which made it easier to get over the jetlag. Traveling east would always hit me a lot harder.

As eager as I was to see Rob, I first checked into a hotel not far from the center in Malibu to recuperate a little.

I took a short nap, then I showered to wash off the flight grime and force myself to wake up and take a stroll outside. Going out and exploring would always give that second wind I needed to get through a really tiring day. Then I had something to eat and went to “Promises” in the evening.

---------

I stood in the middle of his room, alone. I resisted the temptation to look around too much but seeing all of his stuff gave me an instant feeling of comfort. Everything was familiar and I was immediately at ease in the room.

I sat on the couch, having no idea how long I'd have to wait. The lady who had let me in had said that she'd make sure he'd have to go back to his room soon so I knew it wouldn't be too long. I could tell from the smile on her face that she knew who I was, why I was here, and she wanted to help.

I had butterflies in my stomach at the thought of seeing him again. I wondered if I'd find him changed. He'd probably look a lot more at peace with himself, relaxed and healthier… and gorgeous as hell.

I was bored and a bit restless so I got up and walked over to the bookshelves to take a closer look at the books. Tracing the bookbinding with my fingertip, I realized there were only classics and I had read half of them. I almost chose one that I didn't know but decided against it as I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate.

I sat back down on the couch, took my phone out, and absent-mindlessly scrolled through Twitter for a moment. I was soon drawn to Rob's Instagram. I kind of felt the need to see him before seeing him. I scrolled through his page and looked at some of the photos he had posted. I felt like a fan of his. For weeks, like everyone else, the only way that I could see him was by watching videos or photos of him. When I thought about him, I almost found myself unable to picture the finer point of his face. It was high time we saw each other again.

As much as I wanted him to be himself in private, I did admire his public persona probably just as much as everyone else did. I loved the way he carried himself, with confidence, and the image he gave to the public. I liked the fact that he used social media in a smart way, not to stroke his ego and get complimented for his looks, but to promote something or share a message, often as a way to empower young people. We all tried to do that.

He had this capacity to inspire people and our fans admired him for many reasons. He was cool, charming and funny, yet he had a bit of a mysterious side to him that made him even more appealing. He was both the guy next door you'd easily hang out with and the unreachable artist you could not get close to.

His voice was strong, yet sweet and musical and I loved that he sang our songs with conviction, charisma and emotion, making them ten times better when we performed them live.

 

 

He did give off a gay vibe, as our fans would say, but as a gay artist, he didn't fit into any stereotypes…and neither did I. We were neither effeminate nor hyper masculine, which was something we had no intention of changing. We liked the fact that we could appeal to all sort of people, no matter their age, gender or sexuality and that people could easily relate to us.

After a moment, I began watching a few of the videos that we had posted on the band's page and started laughing to myself as I watched one I had filmed in which he was goofing around after a gig with a helium balloon a fan had giving him with his face on it. He had pierced a small hole in the bottom and was singing 'Yellow' while inhaling helium from the balloon. It was also all these little moments that made me miss him so damn much.

I watched a couple more videos but soon stopped because it was making me even more eager and nervous to see him. I tossed my phone aside and sank into the cushions of the couch. The long and torturous wait ended only a few minutes later when I heard the door open.

I sat up and watched him walking in with a faint smile on my face. He looked great and he kind of took my breath away and made my stomach do somersaults. He was tanned and his hair was shorter, making him look fit and making the angles of his face more prominent. He looked much healthier than when I had left him and it just felt so good to see him.

He was taken aback when he saw me. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he was having trouble.

"Hi," I smiled. I stood up and walked closer to him.

He stared at me with a beautiful smile and moved closer to me as well, with still a mild look of surprise on his face. I wrapped my arms tight around his shoulders and back and his hands absentmindedly made their way to my hips. I savored the feeling of his body against mine, the smell his skin as I nuzzled into his neck, my lips resting against his skin.

"I can't believe you're here", he said as he embraced me, wrapping his arms around my back, he hugged me as tight as I was hugging him. "We said…," he began saying, but I stopped him.

"I know what we said, but I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't be without you any longer."

Neither of us broke the hug,

"I can't believe you're here," he said again, overwhelmed with joy.

I smiled, just as happy to feel him so close to me.

"I'm here."

He took a deep breath in and out and continued hugging me tight, savoring the feel of me as well.

“It’s so good to hold you again.” he let out a sigh of satisfaction, “My god baby, it’s just so good to hold you.”

I let out a long sigh, feeling so emotional. It really was. I couldn’t let go of him. We couldn’t let go of each other.

After enjoying the strength of his embrace for a long moment, I eventually began to pull back to look at him and realized this was a moment I was going to remember forever. Just like mine, his eyes were moist and there was only love in them. I could feel his breath on my face and all I could think about was how bad I wanted to kiss him. It felt a little like cliff diving and I was ready.

I felt my eyes close as he leaned forward and pushed my lips against his. As we began kissing, what I felt was pure, raw, emotion, and it felt wonderful.

Both my arms reached around his back and his hands moved to the sides of my head. He parted my lips and slipped his tongue in as I drew him closer to me. All at once, I remembered everything about him, the way he felt, smelled and tasted. My grip around him tightened and I thought that this was perhaps the best, most intense kiss we had ever shared.

We kissed for a long moment, our tongues slowly massaging each other and our hands slowly caressing.

"I missed you so much," he mumbled through our kisses.

"So did I. It’s so good to have you back. I need you so bad," I sighed as my mouth left his and fastened on his taught neck.

Aside from the intense pleasure I was feeling, was also the feeling of regret that I had to go without him for so long.

"We should probably talk first,” he said.

"Yeah, we should," I agreed but I was a jumble of emotions and I began kissing him again, planting my lips on his.

After only a few seconds, his lips left mine again and he began placing soft kisses on my neck. His hands slid down to my lower back and then up to my back under my t-shirt.

"When did you get here?" he mumbled.

"This morning," I answered.

"But you…" he began saying, a bit confused as he probably realized that I had made something up when I had last texted him. "Oh forget it…"

He pushed his tongue inside my mouth again. A wave of lust rolled over me and my cock stiffened.

"Oh baby,” I panted, “take me to the bedroom."

"Yes," he responded passionately and continued kissing me.

He began walking backward toward the bedroom, not letting go of me. We started undressing. He pulled my t-shirt off and ran his fingers along my chest.

“Damn, you’re tan as fuck,” he said, though he was too, but as usual, my tan was darker than his.

I grinned. “Indian summer in France.”

He smiled and gazed at my chest lustfully. His hands caressed my pecs and abs gently and he couldn’t quite take his eyes off my body as he began to open my jeans.

As I watched him taking in every part my chest, I realized I was missing out on his new feature that he had told only me about. I began slipping my hands under his t shirt and he helped me, pulling it off him and tossing it on the floor, as we came closer and closer to the bed.

The short hair on his torso made him look even hotter and more masculine and I ran my fingers all over his pecs. He felt so different, almost like another person, which in a way created an excitement all of its own.

Quietly, we got on the bed. I breathed out a long sigh as I moved my body on top of his and we resumed kissing. It had been so long since we'd had full body contact with each other, it felt sexy as hell. I didn't know if it was because we hadn't been with each other for a long time, but the level of intensity as we kissed felt different. It wasn't that there was less passion so much as there was a growing relaxation in being together, and a desire to be even more intimate. We made out for long moments and savored each other's pleasure. We didn't say anything, there was no need to talk.

Then, I stopped kissing him and slid my body down a little. I let my tongue travel down his stomach, past his belly button to where his jeans began. I brushed my nose against the tiny hairs on his stomach before I unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down under his ass. There was a sizable bulge in his boxer briefs and the tip of his cock was snaking out of the top of them. I pressed my tongue against it and he moaned.

I pulled down his boxers and found what I had been desperately missing for weeks. His long, gorgeous cock was at full attention, and I wasted no time in devouring it. I pulled down his foreskin and wrapped my lips just around the head. I traced it over and over with my tongue, causing him to give a slight grunt. I first licked the precum oozing out and my tongue found the slit in his penis, and wiggled it open. He trembled when he felt that, and I heard his breathing quicken.

"Oh god, feels so good," he moaned.

He brought his hands to my head and softly started running his fingers through my hair as I began to take more of his cock inside my mouth. I told myself not to gag as I took it down to its base, feeling his pubes tickle my face and smelling him. He smelled great and as always; it was driving me wild. I was dizzy with excitement and I had to resist the temptation to move my lips down to his balls in order to enjoy the total concentration on his cock.

Slowly, he began fucking my face, and then he moved a bit faster, and he was a bit rougher, which I loved. The head of his cock hit the back of my mouth with each thrust. I let out a few stifled groans of absolute pleasure as his cock head pushed down my throat.

"Ohhh!" he moaned. "I'm not going to last if you keep this up."

I pulled my mouth off his cock and slid my body back up to kiss him again. I did for a few seconds and then I spoke,

"Good, I don't want you to." I licked his lips, horny as hell. "Use me, I love it. I want you to cum. Give me all you got, I want you so much."

"Oh, fuck, baby," he breathed as he grasped my face for another kiss, our mouths and tongues attacked each other with ferocity.

Then, I swallowed his cock again but soon moved down to his balls, taking them one at a time into my mouth. I pulled his legs apart a little more and licked the inside of his thighs, pushing my face into his tight scrotum.

I almost raised his ass to let my tongue move down his crack, to his hole, but instead, my hands grasped his perfectly tight ass and my tongue ran up his erection. I gripped his cheeks and used my hands to push his cock inside my mouth. I relaxed and took his shaft deeper and deeper inside, until it began to slide down my throat. He began face-fucking me again, holding my head as I had told him to, but he wasn't too rough. I let him use my mouth, only pulling back for air a few times. I couldn't get enough of his cock and I wanted him to cum in my mouth, right where it belonged.

After a few minutes of this, I pulled my head off of his engorged penis, knowing he was getting close, but wanting to make it last a little while longer.

"I wanna suck you too," Rob called from above me, I looked up at him and smiled.

"Ok," I said. He sat up and I got off the bed quickly to take the rest of my clothes off. As I took off my jeans, he sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hands behind my ass cheeks, bringing my crotch close to his mouth. He ran his fingers along my raging hard on, through the fabric of my underwear and slowly pulled my cock out.

"Hey you, I’ve missed you," he said, talking to my dick.

I laughed and he gave it a few gentle strokes and slowly guided the head, wet with precum, into his mouth. It felt amazing and I watched him. He looked beautiful as he savored it. He played with the foreskin. He gently pulled it halfway down my cock head, squeezed my cock lightly and pulled the foreskin back up again. As much as I was loving what he was doing, I wanted to blow him again, I wasn't finished.

I lowered my hand to stroke him and we hopped back up on the bed, getting into a sixty-nine position, me on top of him. I quickly felt his lips circling my balls. He took my nuts in his mouth one at a time and then he grabbed my hard cock and engulfed it.

"Ohh fuck," I moaned as he pressed his hands on my butt cheeks and forced my cock inside his mouth, letting it slide down his throat a bit, he repeated the action several times and I almost was too distracted to keep blowing him. I did though, concentrating on the sensitive parts of his cock.

 

 

Only a moment later, I felt his thumb slide into the crack of my ass and find my boy-hole. I moaned as he pushed it against my wrinkled entrance. His thumb made its way in slightly and I started rocking back and forth against it. I sucked his cock more and more fiercely, and slid my hand under his ass cheeks.

After a short moment, he pulled his mouth off my cock. I saw his scrotum tightening, drawing close to his body as he clearly prepared for his orgasm. One of my hands went from under his ass to over his thigh, lightly feeling the soft hairs stand as I came into contact with it.

"Oh, baby, I can't…," he panted, my head still bobbing up and down his dick, I felt his cock swell up and his shaft pulsate, "Ahhh, yesss," he moaned, shivering with pleasure.

I was tempted to jerk him off hard and fast to allow him to enjoy the full extent of his orgasm but I couldn't let go of his dick. He gave a final loud grunt and the cum started spurting up out of his cock and hit the back of my mouth. I let the first shots go down my throat. I swallowed and then I pulled back. He squirted three or four more times. His cum covered my hand and I wrapped my lips around his cock again and milked him dry until I felt that it was starting to be uncomfortable for him.

I turned around. He lay on the bed, panting, his arms outstretched, with his hands no longer fisting the sheets his palms lay flat on the bed. I lowered my face to kiss him and he giggled as he placed his hands on each side of my face and licked a drop of cum that I could feel had landed on my cheek.

"Damn, I love you," he breathed out softly, "my turn to have some fun with you," he said.

His arms wrapped themselves around me and he sat up, taking me with him.

"Have all the fun you want," I smiled, I wrapped my legs around his waist and pushed my aching and throbbing cock against his crotch.

He placed a passionate kiss on my lips and then kissed my neck just as intensely. He let go of me for a second to go over to the nightstand. When he came back, he handed me a small towel and dropped a butt plug and a bottle of lube on the sheets next to me.

My brows lifted and I smiled, eager to see what he had in mind.

I used the towel to clean my hand and he pushed me down gently onto my back and straddled me. I pulled his face toward mine again.

"Oh God, I still can't believe you're here," he sighed, "I want you so much. There's so many things I wanna do to you," he said with a soft moan.

I smiled,

"Oh yes. Take your time, enjoy it," I said to him.

We made out, lovingly. Slowly, he began kissing his way down my chest and licked one of my erect nipples. I moaned and he continued his journey downward. When he reached my cock, that was seriously about to explode, he didn't touch it. Instead, he rolled me around onto my stomach and began kissing my ass cheeks. Then he kissed his way up my back, caressed it and massaged it.

His hands returned to my ass. He spread my cheeks and pushed his nose deep between them and I felt his tongue against my pucker. He probed me and I had to resist masturbating when he began kissing and licking around my hole, his hungry tongue pushing against my tight opening, making all my nerves twitch.

"Ohhh yeah," I sighed deeply as he began tongue fucking me.

I buried my face into the sheets and for a few minutes, I relaxed to enjoy the rimming he was giving me and tried my best not to come too soon.

"Oh, baby, I can't take it anymore," I panted urgently once he began pushing his thumb against my hole again, "You have to fuck me. I need you inside me."

He removed his thumb and opened the lube and then he applied it to the butt plug.

"It's been a while, let me get you ready and loosen you up," he said sensually.

He pressed the lubed rounded tip of the plug against my hole and began to push it inside softly. As he did this, I remembered that I thought I'd be the one to top him first … but I wasn't complaining, I knew why he needed to bottom at that moment.

Slowly, the toy glided into me and he fucked me with it.

"Mmm, feels good," I said with a moan and enjoyed the feeling of the plug spreading my sphincter, although I couldn't wait to feel his cock do that instead.

Then, he removed the toy and I turned around on my back. He raised my leg and inserted the plug again, which easily slid into my insides.

"You want my cock inside you now?" he asked sensually, his lips pressed on mine.

"Yeah, I do, I really do," I replied, feeling his breath on my mouth.

"I know you want to cum. You want me to fuck the cum right outta you?"

"Oh, fuck yeah, please, I wanna cum with your cock inside of me," I said and placed my hand behind his neck to push my tongue in his mouth.

As I did so, he pulled the plug out and positioned himself by my opening and began pressing to fuck me sideways. I relaxed and let his cock begin to invade my insides. Slowly he pushed forward. He felt huge and I felt full immediately.

"Oh, damn, that feels nice!" I sighed.

I felt a bit of pain at first, but that soon faded and was replaced by the intense pleasure of having him inside me again. I was loving the fact that we were finally together, making love.

"Deeper?" he asked and ran his hand up and down my stomach, giving me goosebumps all over my skin.

"Yeah, I want it all inside me. Come on, push it all the way in!"

"I want you so bad, baby," he murmured in my ear and wrapped his hand around my cock, giving it a few tugs, "Mmm, I love this cock. How bad do you wanna come?"

I turned my head slightly to kiss his lips,

"Go on, fuck me, I need to cum," I begged in his mouth.

My cock head began to pulse and swell and I tried not to blow my load too soon as he massaged it lightly. He began fucking me, using short, gentle strokes and then he pushed himself deeper and deeper inside me until he was fucking me with long full strokes.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck," I repeated, I had almost forgotten how good it could feel.

He kept kissing me as he slid his cock in and out, not too slow, not too hard, but definitely deep enough. He began jacking me at the same time and for a long moment, we made love, until I couldn't hold off from cumming anymore and I felt my orgasm overtake my body.

My breathing became stronger and I let him take me to heaven,

"Oh, baby, I'm gonna shoot," I warned him.

He jerked me off faster and my cock began shooting in large spurts, hitting my chin, chest and stomach as my whole body quivered. Rob marveled at the sight and massaged the last drops of cum over my penis. He waited for my sphincter to relax before pulling out of me to take my cock in his mouth. He licked the head and bobbed his head up and down a few times and then he stuck his tongue out and licked some of the cum off my chest.

"Oh my god, I love you," I giggled, knowing only he could make me feel that good.

He stared at me with a smile and I stared back as he continued licking my chest clean.

Then, without any warning, he flipped me over onto my stomach.

"D’you want more?” he asked, not exactly giving me any time to answer as he applied more lube and shoved his dick inside me again, obviously going for another orgasm.

He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and began to piston in and out of me, with more strength and raw passion.

“Oh yes, baby, fuck me. I've missed this so much,” I panted and turned my head to kiss him.

He leaned in and his tongue wrapped around mine, he tasted of cum and it was delicious. His tongue on my lips and his dick, pounding me relentlessly was all I needed at that instant.

“Oh yeah, I'm not done with you. I love fucking you, baby, damn, I love that ass," he breathed, he didn't let up and kissed my shoulders, my neck, or my earlobe to drive me wild.

“Oh fuck, you feel so good, I love you,” he moaned.

"Oh my god, oh fuck," I moaned as he positioned himself to hit my prostate and sent shock waves of pleasure through my body.

For a few minutes, he thrust into me, hard and fast. At some point, I did some of the work and raised myself on all four to fuck myself on his dick, and then he took control again. He fucked my hole, teased my prostate and I was soon overtaken by an overwhelming need to cum again.

Soon, his breathing became deeper and faster. He pushed himself inside me as far as he could go and we moaned as he let his second orgasm of the night overtake him. He held on to me as if his life depended on it.

"Oh fuck yeah, fill me up," I heard myself say, wanting every drop of his juices inside me. He squeezed my body hard against his and I felt him shudder as he shot his load straight up my ass.

He continued sliding his cock in and out for a moment and we kissed, both letting out a sigh of absolute satisfaction that we had made up for lost time a little. After he had pulled out of me, I turned around and he reached down to jerk me off. His lips returned to my cock and he sucked another orgasm out of me.

-----

Later, we lay in bed together. We both felt completely fulfilled. We were still naked and I could feel the warmth of his chest under me as I lay my head on him and enjoyed the comforting feel of his body against mine.

The room was dark, his arm was behind my shoulder and he was playing with my hair.

"Mmm, it's about time I have you naked in my bed again," he said.

I smiled,

"It really is. I don't wanna be away from you for that long ever again.”

“Yeah. Fuck, I’ve missed you before but I didn’t know it was possible to miss you that much."

I smiled,

"I don't want you to go," he whined and squeezed me to him lovingly, "you're staying here tonight, right?"

"Yes, of course, I'm not going anywhere," I said and took his hand in mine, I brought it up to my lips and placed a kiss on it, "I did check into a hotel but I didn't plan on going back there. They won't throw me out, will they?" I asked jokingly.

"As long as you don't wear a wig, you should be fine," he answered, laughing.

"Uh?"

"Never mind," he chuckled.

"I'll stay here with you as long as you need to stay," I said, I turned towards him and our chests pressed together.

He smiled and we gazed into each other’s eyes for a few moments.

"I think I wanna stay for at least one more week," he said, "… you know, finish what I've started, especially with this one therapist. I'd like to do a few more sessions with her."

I nodded. I certainly didn't want him to leave as long as he didn't feel completely ready to.

"What is she helping you with?" I asked, as I ran my fingers up and down his strong arm and squeezed it a bit to feel his muscles; I needed to touch him and feel as close to him as I could but the sexual tension was gone and it felt like we were finally ready to talk calmly about things.

"Well, we did a lot of hypnotherapy, sophrology or kinesiology, whatever she names it…It's just, she gets me, she's great. She's helping me find ways to better manage my nerves before a show, to better deal with all the media attention also … she helped me realise how important it was that I took time for myself… alone time."

"It is," I agreed with a nod.

"Yeah. As much as I like being around people, it can be quiet detrimental to my well-being to let my public persona dominate my private life."

"Mmm, I already like her."

He smiled,

"The first time I saw her, she was like, 'Listen! You've been gifted with time. And now, you get to stop, and rest, and become normal again, and realize how insanely your life has changed'…"

"She sounds great!"

He giggled,

"Yeah. And she also made me realize that it's really changed for the best. There are things that have been taken away from me, sure… but not what really matters… like you. And you're the most important person in my life. I don't want the fame to take you away from me."

I continued caressing his arm and whispered,

"It won't. But these past few months… it did take you away from me."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Even when we were together, it didn't feel like you were really there. You disappeared for a while."

"I'm sorry," he said again wholeheartedly, "but there was like this pressure to be someone I didn't want to be …"

"Babe, you don't have to apologize. I know what you were going through. But we can't let our life go up in smoke because of our career."

"No. We can't. I love this job and I love how successful we are, but you know just as well as I do that people get quite fazed by our success, and I know now that I need to distance myself from a lot of people. I need to make my circle a bit smaller and maintain a bit of normality, like you do."

"Yeah, you do. You were always out with people who were making you live a mad life. But those people… they don't care about you. They don't even really know you. And they certainly won't be there for you, to pick you up when you fall."

"Yeah, I have to say no to them…. I kept saying that I wanted some sort of normal life again, but I just didn't know how…," he gave a frustrated sigh. "I'd wake up every morning and have dozens of messages. Will you come to this party? Can you be at that event? Will you be there tonight? Will you do this? Will you do that? Call me! And I didn't even have time to recover from the previous night. I mean, it was all a bit draining."

"Yeah," I sighed. ‘‘But none of them even asked how you were doing first. "

He lifted his brows,

"No, they didn't."

"This lifestyle, it's not even real life. It'll go away, fame always goes. And then, what are you gonna be left with?"

He nodded,

"I need to come in and out of it, you know. So I can enjoy it more if I'm not in it constantly. I was in it all the time, which was a really stupid thing to do."

"You have to erase a few numbers from your phone."

"I should throw my phone out the window altogether," he joked, "I keep getting messages every day here."

I chuckled,

"Maybe you don't have to go to that extreme … as long as you stop blowing me off because shallow people are always inviting you places to blow smoke up your ass," I said with a bit of resentment.

He chuckled,

"You have to say no to me!" he exclaimed, "I need all of you to say no to me. I don't want yes people around me anymore. They do blow smoke up my ass," he said with a laugh.

"You can't even be yourself around them. They make you forget what really matters."

He brought his lips to mine and gave me a kiss before looking into my eyes,

"I just want to be with you. I really do… and do what we do best! I'm done with going out all the time to make everyone happy, and pretending to be someone I'm not. Now, I just want to be true to myself, with the fans, and forget about everyone else. There were just too many people, expecting too much of me and I just couldn't deal with it anymore. And I was feeling too burnt out to do what we had to do. I felt like I couldn't really do anything right...," he sighed.

"That's ok," I said, caressing him, "It's in the past. You're back now."

"Yeah, I am," he said happily, "there are still so many things I want to tick off my list, so many incredible moments we still need to experience, you know."

I smiled.

"I mean," he began saying enthusiastically, "we haven't worked with Beyonce yet! I'm not quitting this job until we do," he joked.

I let out a laugh,

"Hell yeah, you are back!"

"I am. I want to enjoy it again. It's too awesome not to enjoy it! I still feel like I shouldn't even be allowed to complain about it."

I tilted my head,

"You are. Just because it's incredible doesn't make it any less difficult."

"Yes. But I want to be able to truly appreciate how special it is. That feeling when we come off stage and we feel so overwhelmed and we can't get over how incredible it was. I know how lucky we are," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know how many people actually get to do what we do. There's gotta be a handful of people in each decade. It's just incredible and we're so lucky to experience it."

"Yeah, we are. But it doesn't mean that there won't be times when you feel like you can't do it! If you not enjoying it, you're allowed to say so."

"Oh yeah, right, imagine that," he said as he let go of me and sat up. "I'm gonna be like, backstage, yelling … No one's listening to me! I don't wanna fucking go on stage!"

I laughed,

"Yeah, and Tom's gonna be like…," I began saying with a serious tone, impersonating Tom as I propped myself up on my elbows, "Rob, I've just talked to the insurance, it's gonna cost us a million if you don't go on!"

"Alright!" he exclaimed and looked around, "Which way to the stage!"

I laughed and he fell back down on the bed,

"You can at least tell us so we can try to make it easier for you."

"I don't think I'll have to. I really know how to manage my nerves now. I'll be fine. You don't have to worry about me anymore."

"I will, though," I said as I pressed my hand on his chest and lowered my face to kiss his lips.

"I know you will," he said and kissed me, "You have to remind me of what's important and why we're here, and why we're doing what we're doing if I tend to forget again."

"Yeah, but we're gonna take a massive break," I assured him, my hand holding the side of his face, "Don't worry, we are. We're gonna re-gather. I know we can write much better songs than the shit record we've recorded so far. We just need a concept. That song you wrote, my god, Rob!" I sighed in admiration.

"So you really like it?" he asked unsure.

"Do I really like it? I can't even begin to explain to you how much I love it. It's beautiful and I'm so glad you wrote it. It could really be the start of something," I said, "it's an amazing song and I love the sound of it. I can't stop listening to it. It definitely should be on the record."

He nodded with a smile,

"Yeah. I want us to write songs that I love and that I'm gonna love singing live. I want to sing songs that I'm passionate about.”

I caressed his cheek and said softly,

“I too still believe in magic when I’m with you, of course I do,” I smiled at him lovingly, repeating the last line of the song that had moved me so much the first time I had listened to it, “and I promise you, from now on, I’ll always be there to pick you up when you fall, no matter how mad I am at you.”

He smiled,

“Remember to laugh first,” he joked and I let out a laugh.

“Yeah. Once I’m done laughing!”

We grew silent for a long moment. We lay on our sides, him behind me, his leg on top of mine. He held me tight and caressed my arm and chest for a while, sometimes placing kisses on the back of my neck.

"What's on your mind?" I asked after a long silence.

He caressed my hand and touched the ring on my finger,

"You didn't take it off," he said.

"Of course, I didn't," I answered with a soft smile.

He played with it for some time. When he slipped it off slowly and then slipped it back on, I murmured,

"I know you wanna get married someday,"

"I do," he said, smiling, "and I know you don't," he whispered.

I shrugged and stayed quiet. After a moment, I confessed,

"It's not out of the realm of possibility. But it's just weird…the whole marriage thing is just weird."

"It's not,” he responded, kissing my shoulders blade.

I smiled and turned my head,

"I tell you what… if Damon and Rachel ever get married, then, I might consider it," I said, jokingly.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise,

"Alright, I'm gonna root for them!"

I let out a chuckle,

"Just give me some time to get used to the idea," I said, more seriously.

"Oh ok," he shrugged.

He kissed the back of my neck again. Then he let go of me and went to grasp his phone on the nightstand. He resumed his position and placed his phone in front of my eyes as he opened Instagram. He scrolled through the comments on the picture I had posted.

"Look," he said. "here, 'Fucking get married already!' … 'when are you getting married?' 'Please, invite me to the wedding!' 'adopt me please' … There are hundreds of those."

I laughed and he did too, he tossed his phone aside and kissed my neck again.

"What about now? Do you want to get married now?"

I laughed,

"I think I need a bit more time than this."

"Oh –"

Again, we stopped talking for a moment.

“You know, it’s gonna be ten years next June,” he said.

“Yeah,” I sighed, “Oh fuck! Ten years.”

He giggled,

“Well, wouldn’t that be a great time to get married.”

I shrugged slightly,

“It could be a great time to propose,” I joked, trying to buy myself some time.

“Are you kidding me, I’ve already proposed!”

I laughed,

"Well, that was a long time ago, it doesn't count anymore. Maybe you need to do it again!"

He let out a soft huff,

"Ok, fine. I will. Plus, I didn't even play my last card yet!" he announced, "But I know what ought to convince you…"

"Do you?" I said unconvinced.

"Yeah," he nodded with a grin, "I'll invite your mother!" he announced.

I burst into laughter,

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed. "If you get my stuck-up catholic mother to come to the wedding of her illegitimate gay son, I'm there! I'll fucking marry you! This I’ve got to see!"

"Is that a dare?" he asked playfully.

"It is!"

"Alright, you're on!" he exclaimed.

I laughed,

"Oh, shit," I was kind of worried, God knows but she might actually say yes.

I turned around to kiss him. We made out again and then we talked some more, about everything – everything except the one thing we really had to talk about – until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore and I began to nod off.

"Will you sing 'Sparks' to me?" I asked him before falling asleep.

He didn't respond immediately.

"You serious?"

"Yes. Please, sing it to me," I murmured.

"Okay," he simply said and he began singing it quietly, still holding me.

I listened to the softness of his voice as he sang these lines,

Did I drive you away
I know what you'll say
You say, oh, sing one we know
But I promise you this
I'll always look out for you
That's what I'll do

 

He paused for a short moment and then started singing again, probably realizing just as I had how much the lyrics were relevant again. I sighed happily as he continued.

My heart is yours
It's you that I hold on to
That's what I do

 

The last thing I could remember before drifiting off was Rob's voice into my ear, making me feel happier and more relaxed than I'd felt in weeks.

 

And I saw Sparks

 

Yeah I saw Sparks