U-N-I - 12. Chapter 12

February 6th, 2014. The day of the O2 concert had finally come. On the previous night, it had been bloody hard to find sleep. We hadn't had sex, but we had cuddled and talked a lot, trying to make sure everything would be perfect, down to the littlest details. We knew there would always be things we wouldn't be able to control during the show, which was fine, but we wanted to be prepared for anything and everything that might happen.

We had discussed all the things we were both willing to do to show the fans that we were a couple, because we were very much aware that many of them wanted to see some 'Myemers' action. Would we kiss on stage? Would we talk about it in between songs? Would we look at each other on some meaningful lyrics? We didn't want to plan everything, there was of course many things that would just happen on the spur of the moment but at least, we agreed on what we both felt comfortable saying and doing on stage as far as our relationship was concerned. Rob had warned me that I might get embarassed a lot if he ended up saying a few of the things he actually had in his twisted mind, but oh well, I would just let him surprise me.

When I woke up, I was amazed that we had been able to sleep rather peacefully through the night, despite the excitement and adrenaline running through our veins. I woke up before Rob. He was only wearing boxer briefs under the covers. He had his back to me but seemed to be still asleep. I was hard. Not only that but my morning wood was throbbing as I began to rub my hand against it. I pulled down my own boxer briefs and it stood upright, leaking precum. I began stroking my uncut cock, feeling the head become stickier each time the foreskin moved back.

I moved closer to Rob and ran my hand over his shoulder blades, placing small kisses on his soft golden skin and slowly sliding my hand down and under his briefs until it was on his firm ass cheek. I squeezed it tight, feeling his muscles, which gave me an adrenaline rush. Fuck, I was excited. I pressed my body even tighter against his own and he started to wake up.

“What you doing?” Rob breathed with a smile, still lying on his side, turning his head slightly to look at me.

"Oh babe, fuck, I need you!" I breathed as I kissed the back of his neck and pressed my cock against the fabric of his underwear, horny as hell.

"Yeah," he groaned, sensing my horniness.

My hand left his firm butt and moved up to caress his pec and pinch his nipple, before traveling down to his rock hard abs. Somehow, my mind drifted back to the concert and the 20,000 people who were going to admire him and cheer for him and another surge of adrenaline shot through me.

I slid my hand down to his cock and squeezed it firmly before pulling down his underwear. I needed to have him, to fuck him maybe, I didn't know, I just needed him, badly. I was now oozing precum like crazy, and I let my cock run up and down his crack. My erection was throbbing with need and anticipation.

"Oh God, Mark," he groaned with hunger, still a bit sleepy, having just woken up but he could for sure feel how bad I wanted him and how sexually excited I was.

I rubbed my dick harder against him and it brushed past his hole but didn't go in.

Soon, he was fully awake though, including his cock. When I started sliding my hand up and down his shaft, he turned around urgently, flipped me on my back and straddled me while he humped his cock against me, giving me what I needed. He shoved his tongue into my mouth, his hand grasping my face.

I responded immediately by kissing him harder than he was kissing me, and grabbed the back of his head. We kissed hungrily, sucking, licking, tongues wrestling, so overwhelmed with lust and desire that I wasn't sure what to do next.

My hands roamed up and down his strong back and I grabbed, squeezed and massaged his ass cheeks with both hands. I wanted to do all sort of things to him, to lower my mouth onto his cock and let it slide down my throat or to lower my face into the crease of his ass and push my tongue deep into his tight hole, making him moan until he would beg me to fuck him. Instead, all I was able to do was to pull him hard into me and move my body up and down underneath him as he humped against me, moaning uncontrollably. We held each other tight and kissed passionately, gasping for air, panting and whimpering.

Our cocks were sliding all over our stomachs, leaking, wet with precum. I didn't know what to do with myself. I needed to get off so badly that I just didn't know what I wanted anymore. I felt overwhelmed and too excited to even talk. Breaking our tight grip on each other to get the lube or even suck each other off was out of the question. I couldn't let him go and he felt the same way. There was an urgency in our moans that told me we were not gonna last very long. I could feel his cock poke me in the stomach and the friction against my own cock was bringing me close.

He sucked my earlobe, sending chills down my body and I raised my knees to wrap my legs around him. I locked my legs on each side of him and we simultaneously pulled each other closer.

"Oh fuck, I need you so bad," I moaned, as I used my tongue to part his lips.

He opened his mouth and his tongue met with my own. They swirled around each others, as I felt the pleasure increasing within me. I was so hard, it literally hurt.

"I'm here. I'm here," he panted as his mouth left mine and fastened on my neck and traveled down my shoulders.

I suddenly felt the need to take control again so I used my legs and arms to roll him over onto his back, and we continued kissing hungrily, not really able to stop, until I looked down at his hot torso and I ached to worship it.

His arms lifted and he grasped the headboard behind him as I started sucking on his nipples, causing him to moan in delight. I looked up briefly to see his arms flexed, thinking that there were few sights as hot as a naked man with his hands behind his head.

As I continued thrusting my cock against him, he opened his legs and raised his knees. The base of my penis slid over his balls and in between his ass cheeks. I was aching for release. My pole was slick with sweat and precum and it easily slid back and forth between his silky cheeks. It felt amazing. His body trembled and he pulled me closer to him, tightening his legs around me.

"Oh, fuck me babe. Fill me with your cock!" he pleaded.

I started thinking about lubrication but I was too overcome with passion to get the lube and he knew that. He spat in his hand and urgently reached down for my cock, making it even more wet and slippery than it already was. I looked down at his cock. It was engorged and leaking profusely, wetting his stomach. I grabbed his legs and pulled him toward me as he raised his knees. I guided my cock to his hole and pushed it inside him.

"Holy shit," he grunted loudly, making me stop to make sure he could take it but finding it hard not to slam into him, pound his ass and fuck him deep to finally spill my load inside him. I was feeling so caught up in the intensity of the moment that I was ready to explode at any moment.

"Fuck, yeah, shove it in me." he arched his back and pushed back against me.

He sighed and moaned sensually as I pushed all the way into him. My body shivered as I entered him and my cock was so fucking hard that it was throbbing inside him, his ass was as warm and tight as ever. I would have loved to sink my cock deep inside him forever and fuck him to orgasm but I didn't think I'd be able to last long enough to make him cum.

"Oh fuck Rob, I'm gonna fuckin' cum," I moaned with a sense of desperation.

"Oh yeah, cum in me, just do it," he urged, grabbing my back to pull me hard into him,

"Oh, deeper babe. Your cock feels so hard!" I could feel him clenching the walls of his anus, urging me to pound into him.

We crashed our mouths together in another hot kiss as I started thursting hard and deep. His hand ran down my back and I grabbed his hair. When I broke the kiss, I slowed down, trying to resist the urge to cum, he exhaled loudly and small smiles spread across our faces. His eyes were twinkling as we looked lustfully into each other's eyes. I needed to get off so bad, I immediately began to rock my hips again, thinking that I could try as hard as I could, I wouldn't be able to hold off.

I fucked his hole and tapped his prostate, knowing I was about to explode and he moved beneath me with an urgency of his own. I took a few more strokes in and out and I felt myself start to shoot, my toes curling up. My body shuddered in complete ecstasy as I let my orgasm overtake me,

"Oohhh... ohh fuck," I cried out, burying my face into the crook of his neck, "I, ohh Rob, ahhhh," I groaned low and long, filling up his ass and we grabbed onto each other.

I enjoyed the incredible feeling of release, panting heavily. It took a while for my orgasm to subside and when it did, I was almost relieved that the intensity was over. I’d kept fucking him long after I had stopped ejaculating, not really wanting to come back to reality when I felt another dry, second orgasm rip though me. I shuddered again and kept rocking slowly in and out, feeling almost dizzy.

Once fully spent, I brought my hand to his hardness and tightened my grip on him, determined to get him off as hard as I could. Sweat was beading up on his forehead as he continued to enjoy my cock inside of him. I stayed buried deep and slowly thrust my hips, barely pulling out before pushing back in to massage his prostate. Soon, he was also losing control of himself. Now it was he who had no idea where he was, no sense of space and time. He cried out, a sure sign that he was going to cum. I urged him to give it all he had. He didn't disappoint as his cock widened in my hand and rope after rope of white-hot cum spit out of his cock. I could feel it pulse with each shot, as he squirmed and convulsed beneath me, struggling for air, struggling to return to reality. When he finally came back, he looked at me, fire in his eyes, and reached out to kiss me. Slowly I pulled out of him and kissed him back then rolled off of him.

Sweaty and covered in cum, he exclaimed,

"Jeez, that was one hot fuck! A great start to a great day!"

I giggled and snuggled closer to him. I nuzzled my face into his neck and gently kissed, smelling his scent. We lay there for a few minutes, trying to slow down our heart beats but I started to feel a rush of adrenaline again, knowing we were going to feel like this on and off all day long. I could tell he was feeling it too.

We didn't talk for a moment and tried to relax in our post orgasmic bliss. But the butterflies in my stomach just wouldn't stop coming and going.

I took a couple of deep breaths in and out,

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed,"The anticipation's killing me already!"

"It's gonna be the longest day of our lives!" he sighed deeply.

"Let's hope not! We should be busy enough. The worst is always between eight and nine!" I said.

"Then, it's gonna be the longest hour of our lives!" he laughed.

"Fuck!" I breathed, "Come on, let's get a move on. I can't lie in bed, I need to get fucking busy!" I said to him.

We got ready and went to Damon's place around 11am. Then we headed to the venue all together for sound-check in the arena. We stopped first for brunch though. We knew our support band was rehearsing until at least one or two pm so we were in no hurry to get there. We wanted to hang out together and just talk, have a laugh and unwind around some good food. We didn't want to let the nerves get the better of us. The concert was all we talked about though.

We had rehearsed harder than ever to be ready for that first concert of the tour. And we did feel ready. We were so anxious to play the new songs live, as well as the old ones really. It was already scary when the album was released to have people hear them and comment on them, but now, to play them live and to see people's reaction was terrifying. It was even more terrifying because we hadn't played a real live concert for over a year. We knew it was like riding a bike and that we'd be fine as soon as we stepped on stage, but we were still very nervous about that first gig. I think some of the reasons why we were so nervous was because it was going to be a very special night. Our very first concert after coming out publicly. Our families were coming, except mine of-course… There were going to be many journalists and important people in the business in the audience, a few artists as well. We knew Bono might be there, he had told us he would most likely come. Rihanna was there to sing 'Princess of China' with Rob for the first and probably the last time of the tour, except if we could manage to make our schedules match during our tour in the States. All of this made the whole thing fucking scary!!

Moreover, we had taken another direction on a few of our new songs, so we weren't sure how they would be received. For instance, 'Hurts like Heaven' ,'Princess of China' or 'Every teardrop is a waterfall' which was about coming out were very different and sounded a lot more pop, whereas our older stuff was darker and more about dealing with emotions that you find hard to control. A lot of the lyrics in our new album were about being and sticking with the people you love, together as a group, as a couple, despite living in a kind of dangerous and scary world. We really wanted this new tour to be about happiness, joy, energy, light and freedom of expression. We wanted to let the public see more of who we really were as a band, as a group of friends but Rob and I as a couple also. We knew a lot of them wanted to witness the bond between the five of us on stage, but more especially between Rob and me. Therefore, we needed to let more of our inhibitions go and to express the very blood in our veins, so we tried to set ourselves high targets and to aim for the stars!

Thanks to Rachel's artistic influence, we got drawn toward graffiti type painting. We had hired an artist and a designer she knew from her school to help us paint absolutely everything, all the guitars, all the instruments, all the amps. For our stadium tour, we were going to paint the stage floor as well as a drape that we we wanted to put over the back of the stage. We wanted everything to be covered in luminous paint to take over the whole arena or stadium and make it feel like it was ours. There would also be a lot of lightning effects and a huge screen behind us, as well as on each side of the stage.

We needed people to see that we were a gang, like a family really. We knew one of the reasons people connected with us so much was because of our chemistry and we wanted that chemistry to be the first thing that they'd notice, so there needed to be a unity between us, and having all of our instruments painted in a similar manner was a way to unite and to burst into a riot of color, joy and music.

As we stepped on stage, Jordan exclaimed,

“Man, I still can't get over how huge it looks from here. I can't wait to see this place filled with people!”

“Yeah, it's incredible,” Dylan agreed. “There's no one here yet, but you can feel the energy... you know what I mean?”

“Yeah, totally.” Jordan agreed. "I love this place!"

Rob walked to the far left side of the stage, and after a moment, I walked over to him.

“You're not freaking out, are you?” I whispered into his ear as I stood behind him, feeling my own heart beat rapidly in my chest.

He turned his head to smile at me,

“No,” he reassured me, and added shortly after, “well, not yet.”

“Good,” I said, as I wrapped my arms around him from behind and kissed his cheek. I could see that we were being filmed from afar by a cameraman who was filming us as we were getting ready for the tour. It was backstage footage for our next dvd. But I didn't care. It felt so nice to be able to show affection wherever, whenever. Had we not been out, this was not something I would have done, as innocent as it was.

“You're gonna knock them dead. I know you will!”

He grinned and placed a kiss on my lips

"Let's do the instagram video," he suggested as he took his phone out.

He positioned his phone so that the stage could be seen behind us,

"Alright, ready?" he asked.

"Yep."

He pressed the record button and joked,"

Hey UNIners, we're here, we're queer!"

I smiled as I wrapped my arm around his shoulder and added,

"As you can see, the stage's ready! We're about to start sound checking."

And he finished by saying,

"If you couldn't get tickets, tune in to Radio one for a live broadcast. Don't miss it, it's gonna be phenomenal!" I pressed my lips against his cheek as he said, "See you all tonight!"

As soon as he stopped the recording, we heard someone scream my name. I rapidly turned around to see the lead singer of our support band rush towards us, looking totally hyped and excited,

“Hey, hi. How's it going?” I asked him, laughing at his excitement.

“ Brilliant! Bloody hell, I'm so out of control! I just can't wait! We just finished rehearsing. The stage's all yours now!”

“How'd it go?” Rob asked him.

“Fucking Amazing!” he said with the enthusiasm of a six year old getting his favourite toy on Christmas day, “I think my ears are permanently damaged though, even with the earplugs! We've never played this loud before.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said, “better get used to it!”

This band was actually the one which I had worked with Damien in the studio. I had talked to Dylan who had loved their songs first. Then, since we still hadn't found a support band we liked, we suggested them to Jordan and Damon, who agreed immediately that they were a good choice. There was something about them that reminded me of us. We figured it could give them an opportunity to get noticed. It took a bit of convincing on my part as far as Rob was concerned. It meant talking to Damien again, but he was outnumbered so he didn't put much of a fight. I actually asked Dylan to call Damien for me to know who was managing them as I didn't even feel like talking to him again.

"Mark, Rob, would you please come over here?" our tour manager called, the tone of his voice making it clear that it was now, not later.

"Hey, have a good one,” Scott said. "We're having a few drinks in our dressing room, so join us later if you can!"

"Oh yeah, I will," Jordan agreed as he heard Scott's invitation.

"Uh, Jord...” Dylan said. "Don't you think it'd be better if you didn't get drunk quite just yet!”

Jordan made a puppy face and answered,

"Yes, sir!" he joked.

Dylan shook his head, not loving being the daddy of the band, but knowing that he was. Indeed, whenever he saw that one of us was doing or about to do something stupid, he was always the first one to say something about it.

“Guys,” Tom called as he walked on stage, “we have fifty people who won the 'Radio One' competition coming in right now. They'll watch the sound check and there'll be a meet and greet afterwards. Don't let them distract you. We need to be done by five.”

We got everything ready and began rehearsing the song we would open the show with. "Hearts like Heaven". We played the intro close to one another and watched each other play to make sure we were playing good together.

Rob sang those lyrics,

Written up in marker on a factory sign
"I struggle with the feeling that my life isn't mine"
It's so cold, so cold

See the arrow that they shot, trying to tear us apart
Take the fire from my belly and the beat from my heart
Still I won't let go
Still I won't let go of you, ooh-ooh
'Cause you do
Oh you use your heart as a weapon
And it hurts like heaven

…….

Yes, I feel a little bit nervous,
Yes, I feel nervous and I cannot relax,
How come they're out to get us?
How come they're out when they don't know the facts?

Then we stopped playing and didn't finish the song as we felt it sounded good enough and started talking to each other about what song to play next.

Rob smiled and turned to the fans watching us as he spoke into the mic, "So, you're watching us. This is how we actually work together. Pretty boring, uh? We'll play the rest of the song eventually."

"Yeah, tonight around nine. Don't go anywhere!" Jordan added jokingly.

They grinned widely at us and we talked some more about the sound check. I switched guitar. Rob was handed another acoustic guitar in a different tuning to play "Yellow" and we discussed tuning with the roadies.

Once we were ready to start playing, Rob turned to me and asked,

"Ready, babe?" which made the girls present scream bloody murder.

We looked at them in bewilderment, wondering what was happening.

"What did I say?" Rob asked with a laugh, "Babe?" I don't think he’d even realized.

They screamed again.

"Oh my god, you're gonna go freaking nuts if I kiss him!" he laughed and actually walked over to me, placed his arm around my shoulder and his hand to the side of my face as he brought his lips to mine. I kissed him back with a slight smile, making the girls scream some more.

He pulled back and spoke in his mike,

"Now that we got 'that' out of way, let's play!" he joked as he gave me one more kiss.

He went back to the center of the stage and we started playing 'Yellow' in a upbeat manner. We wanted the first songs of the show to get the crowd excited and as into the gig as they could possibly get.

At the end of the song, Rob jumped up and down,

"Alright, now, I'm really starting to wake up!"

We rehearsed a good number of songs for over two hours, making sure everything was perfect and ready, including the one with Rihanna, who had arrived around four, and genuinely seemed really excited to be here. Rob and her rehearsed the song just once, singing quite demurely and trying not to get too into it, but I knew they were both planning on singing it with a lot more passion once in front of the audience, and I had to admit, I couldn't wait to see this! They were both great entertainers and very much capable of making it look pretty hot and sexy.

When we were finally finished, a little after five, we went down into the pit to meet the fans who were eagerly waiting to talk to us. I always loved that part. It was brilliant to talk to them, and well, receiving praise for our hard work was always wonderful. We thanked them for coming, signed autographs, hugged the girls, and talked to them for quite a while about everything and anything.

At some point, Rob started talking to one of the guys and exclaimed,

"Hey, aren't you the one who's done covers of our songs on Youtube?"

"Yeah, that's me!" he smiled self-consciously.

Rob nodded,

"I knew your face was familiar. I've watched your covers, you actually sing "The scientist" better than me!" he joked.

"I don't think that's true, but thank you. It's massive to hear that from you!" he answered shyly but quite proud of himself as well.

They talked for a moment about his covers and I heard Rob say to him,

"You should try to write your own songs for that beautiful voice."

All of them congratulated Rob and me for coming out, especially two guys, for whom it seemed to have meant a lot. We talked a bit with them, finding out that coming out had been very difficult for them. It seemed like we had actually made a difference in their lives, and helped improve their relationship with their friends and families. What more could we ask? As stressful as it had been for us to take the plunge, knowing it had had a positive impact on people's lives was very rewarding.

“Mark,” I heard someone say excitedly and I turned around to see who was calling out my name.

“Hey, you made it,” I exclaimed as I saw my sister rapidly walk over to me, with a backpack on her shoulders, she was a cute nineteen-year-old. I liked her,

“Yeah, my plane's just landed. I jumped into a taxi and came here right away”

“That's great! I'm so glad you're here!” I said, as I gave her a hug.

“Me, too. I didn't wanna miss it,” she said, slightly out of breath.

She said hi to the guys and as she came back over to me, she rubbed my arm up and down to get my attention. I looked at her and she smiled slightly before her expression turned serious,

“Uh, Mark,” she said, “there's something I need to ask you.”

“Yeah?”

“You might not like it,” she said with apprehension in her voice.

“Why not?” I asked a bit worried.

“I didn't come here alone... I'm here with Thomas.” she whispered shyly, as if she thought I was going to get mad at her, “He's waiting outside, at the backstage entrance; they wouldn't let him in cuz his name wasn't on the list.”

“What?” I exclaimed. “He's here with you?”

“Yeah... Please, don't be mad!” she pleaded.

”I'm not mad. But why would he come?” I asked, a bit taken aback, and yeah sure as hell I was mad.’

“Because, believe or not, he's changed. I think he really feels bad for how he treated you. He just wants to talk to you. Please, can we go and let him in? And if you don't want to talk to him, then at least, listen to what he's gotta say.”

"Is everything good here?” Jordan asked, as he had heard bits of our conversation.

“Thomas is here,” I told him.

“Thomas? Your brother?" he asked. "What the hell is he doing here?” Jordan asked Amy.

“He wanted to come with me tonight. And he wants to talk to Mark, and apologize.”

“Apologize?” Jordan chuckled, “Really?” he said skeptically. “He's got some nerve! You could've asked before showing up here with him.”

“I know, I'm sorry. But I knew you wouldn't want to see him,” she repeated.

“Well, you got that right, we don't!” Jordan exclaimed. “Mark doesn't need this tonight!”

“Oh, please guys. It's important to me. You're not gotta let him stand outside the whole concert?”

“Why the hell not?” Jordan said, “He kicked Mark out of your house more than once.”

“Look, I know what he did to him, I was there,” she said to him.

"Amy, do you realize how important tonight is for us, for the audience?" Jordan asked. "You couldn't find a better time to show up with Thomas?"

"But… he's got good intentions, I swear. Mark, he's our brother, don't you want to try and make up with him?”

I didn't have to think about it very long before I answered,

“I'm not sure I want to, no.”

Amy knew about our father not being my biological father. She had called me one day and at some point during a conversation about our parents, I just felt the need to tell her.

She sighed,

“I was pretty mad at him too, you know, I thought he was so much like dad. But he's changed! I told you before how he's really making an effort so that we'd get along better. And now he wants to make up with you. Please, just give him a chance,” she said as she begged me with her eyes.

“Oh, come on Amy,” Jordan told her, “Why do you think he's here in the first place. Because we're successful? Because after all, his brother and his friends might not be such losers? What does he want out of this?”

“That's not what this is. I think he's just really proud of you.”

“Oh really? Did he say that?” I asked, unconvinced.

“No,” she shrugged her shoulders. “but he doesn't need to say it. Why wouldn't he be? You know Mark, a lot of people in this family are very proud of you,” she told me, as if I really needed to realize that.

“Too little, too late.” I snapped.

“You have more people on your side than you think. Claire and Sam would really love to see you again, and Don, and Mary...” they were cousins, aunts and uncles, “Not everyone thinks like Dad. I know it's been hard for you, but you could have a family if you really wanted one. Even mum's proud of you. She said to me she'd always known you'd do something amazing with your life. I think she just doesn't know how to fix things with you, but I know for sure she feels terrible.”

"Some things just cannot be fixed." I told her, but I couldn't deny that I was a bit fazed by that.

Maybe the time had come for me to go back to Dublin and to actually step into that house again. The guys had gone back home several times, even Rob, but I had always refused to go with them. I did go to Dublin with them several times, but stayed in a hotel and didn't go back into our neighbourhood. I did have my mother on the phone a few times after we left home and moved to London, just to let her know how I was doing, but the conversation was always short, unconfortable and desperately lacked sentiment.

Amy nodded,

“Mark, please. At least, let him in.”

I sighed,

“Damn, I'm gonna regret this. Fine, let's go.”

“Mark, what's going on?” Rob called, he could tell we were having an agitated conversation with Amy, but he was also talking to at least six of our fans at once, and I could tell they didn't want him to go anywhere.

“ Nothing, I'll explain later." I said to him.

"Thomas is here," Jordan said in a loud whisper.

"What? What the fuck is he doing here?" Rob exclaimed.

"I'm going with him!" Jordan said to Rob.

"Are you serious?" I asked with a laugh.

"Yeah, you might be too nice to kick his ass!" he said to me.

"Hey, I'm a big boy. I can handle him. And I may hate him, but I'm not a jerk. And I kinda wanna know what he's gotta say."

"Yeah, I wanna know what he's gotta say too. And I wouldn't mind kicking some ass. It'd calm my nerves," he said jokingly.

I sighed,“

Fine, whatever.”

I went to talk to someone from security so that they'd give me a pass for him and we went to the backstage entrance.

“Here, you can let him in,” I said to the security guard as I showed him the pass.

I looked over at Thomas. He had changed a lot since the last time I had seen him, he looked older and more mature. Man, he even looked friendly.

“Thanks,” he said, ill-at-ease.

“Yeah, well, you're not welcome,” I muttered.

He glanced at me, then at Amy and Jordan and back at me. He was fidgeting a little and he looked uncomfortable. I could tell he didn't know what to say, or how to start the conversation, but we weren't going to make it any easier for him.

Damn, he looked so grown-up. I hadn't seen him in so long. He was twenty-six now. I had to admit that seeing him again was difficult. It was bringing back memories of how he had mentally and physically hurt me when we were kids. And maybe Jordan was right, I really didn't need this tonight. Getting ready to go on stage was about making the concert great for everyone present, and that meant forgetting your own issues to deliver a great show. Having to deal with this only three hours before stepping on stage was not going to make it easier to just let go and do what I had to do.

I just watched him and he spoke first,

“Amy told me she was coming to your concert tonight, and, well, I've wanted to talk to you for a while... so, well...here I am ...”

“Alright, I'm listening!” I said, a bit nastily.

He looked at me in the eye, a bit troubled with my tone of voice. He knew Amy had told me that he wanted to apologize, so he probably thought I'd make things easier for him.

“I knew you wouldn't want to see me... which I understand. I've tried to call you, but I dunno, it's not, it's not easy. Look I'm sorry, okay?” he said, in a way that made it sound like he thought this would be enough.

“You're sorry?” I repeated incredulously, “That's all you've gotta say ? You're sorry.” I said nastily. “You can't just show up here and except me to forgive and forget. Not after everything you've done and said to me.”

He looked down as he shook his head,

“This was a bad idea.”

“You're gonna need to say a lot more than 'I'm sorry', cause right now, I thoroughly hate you. So unless you have anything else to say to me, I've got better things to do! Enjoy the show!”

I told him angrily and walked away, Jordan following me. I was still so mad at him. He was making an effort alright, and he was trying to apologize, fair enough! But he wasn't saying the things I wanted to hear, the things I needed to hear. I still had too much anger inside me to accept a simple 'sorry'.

“Dammit, listen to yourself,” he said loudly, “why are you so angry? You won't even try!”

I stopped and turned around. I couldn't believe him,

“If you don't know why I'm angry, then we really don't have anything left to say each other!”

“Come on, I flew all the way from Dublin to talk to you,”

“Oh wow!" Jordan spat at him, "You spent an hour in a plane. Hope it wasn't too much trouble! Jeez, you're such a prick!”

“Guys, please,” Amy pleaded as she saw how her attempt to heal the breach between the two of us was pathetically failing and the conversation was turning into a dead end.

“Amy, I'm sorry,” I calmly said as I shook my head, “I know you want this to go well, but I can't....”

“Fucking hell, Mark,” Thomas said, “I'm not here to make things worse!”

“So what are you here for?” Jordan snapped at him, “Do we need to refresh your memory? All the name calling, all the bullying…”

"No, you don't!!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air, "But don't you ever say stuff you don't really mean?"

Jordan and I both looked at each other with a bewildered expression. I turned to Thomas and replied,

“Not that kind of stuff, no!”

"Hey, man, you're still my brother, even if…" he didn't finish his sentence, but I knew Amy had told him, "I don't think you're worthless. I was just a stupid kid.”

"Are you okay with him being gay?” Jordan asked, challenging him a little, knowing he was on the homophobic side.

He looked up and chuckled a little,

“I don't know, I guess!”

"Oh come on, Thomas," Jordan snapped, "we all know you're an homophobic son of a bitch, don't pretend!"

“I am not! I can try to understand, but I can't say I don't find it unnatural and weird that you're fucking a guy, but hey, that's your life!”

I just shook my head and rolled my eyes,

“How do you even expect us to work things out if you think like that, like him," I said.

"I'm not like him !" he exclaimed, "you should hear some of the stuff he says about you, and you know what, I just don't agree with him. He's just so spiteful..... I know all the shit I put you through, but in the past few months, since Amy told me… I've come to realize how much I must've hurt you, and... really man, I'm sorry! I'm really not the dickhead you think I am. When we were kids, I was acting like I thought I was supposed to act or something. Dad was always on my side, it was easy to take it out on you all the time.”

I tried to contain my anger as I told him,

“You've made my childhood miserable. You hurt me just as much as he did. I don't care how much you apologize. It won't erase anything.”

“I know all that,” he said insistently. “but I'm still sorry! You know I've got a kid now. He's one year old." he sighed deeply before saying, "What he did to you, it was just fucking wrong. And I'm sorry you had to go through that. And I'm sorry I made it worse."

For the first time, he actually sounded sincere, and I honestly hadn't expected him to ever take the first step. I knew he wasn't as closed-minded as my parents were, but it was still a surprise to see him make an effort like that.

“Well, I hear you! But right now, I don't know what to do with that,” I told him sincerely.

"I know. But I really am sorry," he said sincerely again before adding, "You've done well for yourself!"

"Yeah, pisses you off, doesn't it?" Jordan said to him quite proudly, Thomas looked away as he slightly shook his head in exasperation.

“Excuse me,” a security guard said as he came over to us, “I'm sorry to interrupt, but we're about to open the doors now. You can't stay here. You need to get backstage, like right now,” he ordered.

“Yeah, I know, we won't be long.” I answered.

“Thanks,” he said and walked away.

"Tell him," Thomas said to Amy, almost whispering.

"We don't have enough time now," she replied.

"Tell him what?" Jordan asked, because I remained quiet, wondering what they were talking about.

Amy took a deep breath and spoke,

"We've confronted mum," she said, looking at me apologetically, "I'm sorry, I know you didn't want her to know that you knew, but…"

"Fuck, Amy, seriously?!" I exlaimed.

"We had to!" she said again in an apolegetical manner.

"And????" Jordan asked her, very curious to know how it had played out.

Amy shrugged,

"She wouldn't say much. She kinda shut herself off. We weren't able to get much out of her, she was crying and all, but…"

"But…?" Jordan insisted because she wasn't talking fast enough.

"She removed her backpack from her shoulders and searched for something in the front pocket.

"She gave us these for him, that's all she had," she told Jordan, handing him a closed envelope. "three pictures of him."

"Fuck!" Jordan said, as surprised as I was.

"She doesn't know anything about him. I don't think she's lying. She doesn't even have his last name or anything. He was just a guy on holiday with some of his mates in the campsite where they were staying. You do look a lot like him," she added.

"D'you wanna look at them?" Jordan asked me, handing the envelope over to me. I could tell he was dying to open it, but he didn't.

"Not now." I replied hesitantly, seriously not ready for this, as I grabbed the envelope and placed it in my back pocket.

The security came back over to us,

"You really need to go back backstage now, please!" he ordered again, with more insistence this time.

I glanced at Thomas hesitantly, and then at Amy. Thomas understood.

“Hey, I don't expect you to invite me backstage. I just wanted a few minutes to talk to you.... Well... that's done!”

“I know I was supposed to stay at your place,” Amy started saying, “but then, Thomas booked a hotel room for the two of us.”

“Alright, that's fine. Amy, you can go up to the VIP section if you want to. You should meet a few celebrities that you like."

"Holy shit, oh my god!" she beamed, placing her hand over her mouth, she turned to Thomas and asked pleadingly as she grabbed his arm excitedly, "Can I go?"

"Of course you can go," he responded, "Who do you think I am, your father?"

"You can go with her, Thomas, I don't give a shit what you do!" I said to him.

Jordan chuckled as he looked at me."You're too nice!"

"Well, Amy's gonna love it!"

"Yeah, come with me, please," she begged and obviously he agreed.

She smiled brightly and came closer to me to give me a hug,

“I'm sorry I just showed up like that with Thomas, but I didn't know what else to do. And about the pictures, I know it's not a good time, I hope you won't let it get to you.”

I shook my head, no. I was too excited to let anything ruin the show for me! And despite everything, I was glad this conversation had taken place.

“Good. I feel better. I can't wait to see you guys live again!” she said with a smile.

I asked them to follow me up to the VIP area and had their names added to the list. I left them there and went backstage.

The whole crew was having dinner around a buffet and I joined Rob and Dylan who were already eating and talking together. Damon and Jordan were getting themselves food so I went to get myself a plate as well.

When I sat down at the table, Dylan asked me,

"So, how did it go with Thomas?"

"He fucking apologized!" I exclaimed.

"Wow! Never too late to stop being a dickhead!" he said.

We talked about the conversation we had with him for a moment, not mentioning the pictures. Jordan almost did, but he saw in the way I looked at him that it was better not to for now. We were nearly done having dinner when Rachel and Taylor, who was there with Jordan, sat down at the table.

Rachel sat next to me and looked at me with a frown,

" Mark, we were just in the VIP section, what the fuck is Thomas doing here?"

"Uh" I sighed. "Long story! I'll explain later. I can't talk about this again, not now. Haven't you talked to Amy?"

"I've tried, but she didn't give a shit about me. She was all over Adele and the girls from Litte Mix!"

"Adele 's here?" Rob exclaimed.

"Oh my god Rob!" she told him with a slight laugh. "Don't even ask who's here, you're gonna freak out!"

"Why, who else is here?" he insisted, curious to know who in the business would watch him perform.

"Hummm well, to mention just a few, Bono's just arrived… Adele … Noel Gallagher…!"

"What the hell!!" he yelled. "Are you fucking with me?"

She laughed,

"Hum, what's his name, Sam Smith…"

"Taylor Swift!" Taylor said almost singing her name, as she did a little dance and gave a kiss to Jordan.

"OH come on!" Rob said, rubbing his forehead.

"Ohhh, I heard a guy from 'Muse 'was coming but I don't know which one!"

"Rach, shut up now!" I said loudly. "Why are you telling him this!"

"He asked!" she exclaimed, shrugging her shoulders slightly.

He breathed deeply before he exclaimed,

"Alright! I think my LSD's starting to kick in!" he joked. (His Lead Singer Disorder)

And indeed it did! He started getting real adrenaline again, feeling the need to jump up and down and move around. He was brimming with excitement until he just stopped moving, sat on a table edge, his feet on a chair and put his face in his lap.

I went over to him and pushed the chair away as I stood between his legs. I wrapped my arms around him, placed my hand on the back of his head and made him bury his face in the crook of my neck. I whispered soothing words to him and tried to calm him down, asking him to breath calmly in and out.

Jordan came over to us with Taylor and leaned in, almost whispering into Rob's ear,

"Are you gonna throw up?"

Rob only raised his arm and gave him the finger, I laughed,

"Leave him alone, Jord, you don't have to do what he has to do!"

"He'll be fine once on stage!" he said, shaking his head.

"Well, he's not on stage now, is he?"

Taylor leaned closer to us and asked him in a soothing tone of voice,

"Hey Rob, you wanna know what I do before a show?"

He raised his head to look at her.

"I dance! Shake off those nerves!" she said with a bright smile, dancing and moving her hips back and forth, almost making us hear the sound of the music even though there was none.

"Good idea!" he smiled wickedly.

"Come on!" she gestured seductively with her finger.

"Give me your phone," she asked Jordan and searched for some good music, "Let's go back to your dressing room. I'm gonna help you relax!"

"Woo, I don't know what you have in mind, but the boy's really, really gay!"

"Oh I've seen him party, he's not that gay!" she joked.

"That's just good acting skills!" he responded.

She laughed slightly as we walked back to our dressing room.

Talylor did manage to make us forget our nerves for a little while and we actually had a good laugh with her. We listened to music, sang a little and tried to chill as we changed into our stage outfits.

After a moment, Damon burst in, kicking the door open with his foot. It smacked against the wall loudly, and he grinned, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Yo! You guys ready to fucking rock?" he shouted as his girlfriend followed him and smiled broadly at his excitment.

"No! But apparently, you are!" I said with a laugh.

"Are we on?" Rob asked a bit worriedly. He was obviously still not quite ready yet.

"No! Another half an hour! But fuuck!" he said as he picked up his drumsticks and twirled them in his fingers, "I was watching 'Rewind' perform and Jesus, the crowd is on fire, I am SO ready now," he exclaimed with a lot of anticipation in his voice. "Why didn't you guys come and watch 'em! They were fucking good! Jeez, I gotta get ready!" he said as he saw that we all were and he walked to where his outfit was.

"Hell yeah!" Jordan said as he jumped up and down. " Just trying to stop Rob from wigging out in here!" he told Damon.

"Nervous?" Damon asked. "Don't be," he said reassuringly as he pulled his tshirt off. "It's gonna be a fucking good one!"

"Alright!" Rob grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, I know what can pass the time…" Jordan said as he glanced briefly at me and looked around the dressing room for my stuff. I was sitting on the edge of the dressing room counter so I immediately jumped on my feet, knowing exactly what he was looking for. I hurriedly walked over to where I had left the envelope and grabbed it just before he could. He tried to grab it from my hands but I ran away from him and slipped in into my pants as best as I could.

We both started to run around the dressing room, him chasing after me and me trying not to get caught.

"Oh you wanna play it that way?" he laughed.

"What the fuck is happening?" Dylan chuckled as he questioned Rob.

They were both chilling on a sofa. Rob just shrugged, as he didn't have a clue either.

Jordan managed to corner me and pushed his body hard against mine. He grabbed both my arms to stop me from getting away but he quickly let go of one in order to try and slip his hand into my pants.

I tried to break free as I laughed,

"Are you trying to molest me in front of your girl."

I grabbed his wrist with my free hand and tried to push him off me.

"Jord, come on, baby, no one can know about us!" I told him sexily as I gazed into his eyes seductively.

He laughed and got distracted a little, which allowed me to quicky push him off me as I got away from him again.

"Shit" he exclaimed.

He didn't give up and after chasing me around a bit more, he managed to take me down to the floor and we struggled, right next to the sofa on which Rob and Dylan were sitting. He pushed me onto my back and pinned my wrist to the floor. I tried to push him off me and to wiggle out of his grip to turn the situation to my advantage, but the bastard was fucking strong. Despite all my efforts to break free, he had me hopelessly pinned down to the floor.

"Get off me!" I yelled with a laugh.

"Come on Mark, you can do better than that!" Rob laughed as well.

"I'm just letting him think he's stronger than me, I'm enjoying this!" I joked.

Jordan laughed. "Oh, yeah, you like it rough, don't you?"

"Bend over, I'll show you how I like it!" I told him sexily.

"Oh no, you think you can fuck me so easily, I'm not Rob!" he exclaimed.

"I'm aware of that, you would already be naked and on your knees by now."

"Hey," Rob exclaimed, faking being offended.

"Oh, who are you kidding!" I joked.

"Would you take your queer hands off me," I ordered Jordan.

"Make me," he said and rocked his hips back and forth firmly to simulate a fuck, "Come on, shut up, and take it like a man." he joked.

"What? That little thing you call your dick!" I laughed, "no need to be a man to take that!"

"Come on," he said seductively, and started singing, "Open up your assssss!"

I laughed and Rob snapped at him,

"Oh for fuck's sake Jordan!! You really gonna ruin that song for me! I've got to repeat this like a hundred times!!"

"Nine times to be precise!" I said loudly.

This was a lyric from our song 'Politik', which was originally

"Open up your eyes".

"Why are you singing this?" Taylor asked as she leaned down to look at Jordan in the eye.

"Comments I've read on Youtube!" he responded.

"This is exactly why I told you to stop reading comments!" she said to him with a laugh.

"Come on, get off me!" I complained again as I kept trying to make him let go of my wrists.

"Guys," Rachel said, "there are girls in the room! Knock it off."

Dylan started talking to Rob and I turned my head with a smile as he said,

"Maybe we shouldn't play "Politik" tonight. Some of us might just not be able to refrain from laughing!"

Rob replied,

"We can’t not play 'Politik'. People are gonna throw things at us if we don't! It'd be like not playing 'Yellow'."

Jordan had not forgotten that the whole point of this was to take the envelope from me so he finally let go of one my wrists in order to do so. I used this opportunity to flip him down onto his back but as I was doing so, he managed to quickly grab the top of the envelope that was now slighty coming out of my pants.

"Jeez, that wasn't easy!" he exclaimed as he stood up and ran away from me.

"What is this?" Dylan asked, intrigued.

"Pictures of his fucking bio dad … that his mother gave to Amy!"

"What!" Rob immediately exclaimed as he looked at me. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked as I stood up.

I sighed,

"Do we really have to do this right now?"

"Wow!" Jordan exclaimed as he looked at the pictures. "It's you!" he said as he looked over at me.

Rob stood up and hurriedly walked over to him,

"Lemme see this!"

He looked at the three pictures as well then said,

"Jeez!" he stared at them a bit longer and added, "Yeah, you're not his spitting image, but there's definitely a striking ressemblance. I was right, he was hot!"

They all took turn and the pictures passed from one hand to another, as everyone in the room commented on them.

"Oh great, now everyone's gonna see them but me!" I complained.

"Then, have a look!" Rachel said as she walked closer to me and handed me the picture she was holding.

I hesitated for a second but took it from her hand. I had a quick look at it.

"Fuck," I breathed.

It was so weird to put a face on him. Like everyone else, I couldn't quite take my eyes off the picture. He was about my age on it, so obviously, it made it easier to see the ressemblance. I did have similar features, but as Rob had said, I was not his spitting image either.

Rob came over to me and wrapped his arms around me as I continued staring at the picture.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I guess. It just feels so weird."

"Yeah, I bet it does."

I really did not have much time to ponder any longer over my biological father, as Tom walked into the dressing room and announed as he clapped his hands together loudly several times,

"Alright, let's go! To the stage now, all of you! Go go go!!"

I looked up a bit startled as everyone hurried out,

"Damn!" I breathed. Jordan was right, this whole thing made the time go by much faster.

I turned around and hugged Rob close to me for a moment, doing my best to clear my mind and to get ready to step on stage.

"Try to forget about all this for the next two hours, alright!"

"Yeah. I will! Already forgotten!" I reassured him.

"Would you prefer if we didn't play 'A rush of blood?" he asked, worried that it might be a bit too emotional for me.

"No, no, let's not change anything."

"Alright. Whatever you say!"

I hugged him tight again. When I pulled back, I I took a deep breath and smiled at him as I told him softly,

"Have fun!"

He smiled back at me,

"Yeah, you too!"

We kissed, hugged one last time and headed out the dressing room and to the stage.