The Next Stage - 1. Down the Aisle

Jasper stands with his hands on his head, taking deep breaths as he listens to the gentle roll of the tide and the breeze against the side of the tent. He was trying to remind himself that marriage is a promise that their future will be everything they wished for with one another, and things didn’t have to be perfect right now. For the longest time, marriage just seemed to not be in either of their thoughts. It was, of course, always where they were headed, but things seemed to be just happening so fast all of a sudden and he couldn't actually believe he wasn't just dreaming this. Maybe the show had ended, he'd been so overwhelmed by it all that he'd walked off stage and simply passed out. The pregnancy reveal, sudden wedding planning and all-nighter spent pulling this together, was all a dream. He knew that wasn't the case, he'd mastered the skill of lucid dreaming over the last few years and could quickly identify the difference between a dream and reality. For one, if it were a dream, he'd not be able to smell the saltiness of the ocean. The tent he was standing in would be much more elaborate, let's be honest. If he was dreaming about his wedding, he'd not be in this quickly thrown together mess of plastic poles and fabric with dismal lighting. The closer the sunrise was coming, the more he could tell this was put up by his sleepless loved ones, working with torch lights.

This was real, it had gone from being the night of his first comeback show to his wedding day in the matter of hours and he knew as soon as he stepped out of this tent he’d either run away and ruin his own life in doing so. Or, he’d be walking to an archway set up on the beach, where a celebrant who’d been willing to, on short notice, get up and ready to perform their marriage ceremony at sunset. In many ways, this felt unnecessary to Jasper. It always had. He didn't need marriage to know who his life would be spent with. He'd spent way too much time missing out on Ryan's company, affection and love, to ever even consider not spending the rest of their unpredictable lives with at least one thing that kept them grounded. Jasper didn't need to legally declare his dedication to Ryan, to feel complete. To Ryan, though, this was important. This was something he had imagined, aspired towards and been excited about, and so it mattered vicariously to Jasper that he would fulfil Ryan's dream.

Truthfully, he felt like a moment such as a wedding needed much more behind it than what they had. Despite all the ways they both had grown together, all the ways they did feel like the ying to the yang of each other, they had been unfortunately forced apart. First by tragedy and then by circumstance. He and Ryan hadn’t even really had a chance to live together again yet. Someone had maturely suggested taking time apart right before a worldwide pandemic had kept them separate and isolated on and off for the next two exhausting goddamn years. Jasper had been cursing himself for that decision every single day that he got up from his empty bed and didn’t get to see Ry. Day after day, night after night, with limited interaction most days.

Time apart wasn’t meant to last that long. The intention was to have a break, to reset themselves, and learn what they wanted and needed for themselves before trying to work out how they fit together. It was a great opportunity, in theory, for their independent growth and they both did learn how to be on their own, they just hadn't really had the chance to get to the part where they did have to manage living together as the new and improved versions of themselves, and Jasper didn't really know how that would go.

Jasper had been a powerhouse with his music. First, he'd managed to write and perfect a number of songs both lyrically and with piano. Then he started studying music production, with a 5-year plan of self producing music and being able to help other new artists get their music out there. Meanwhile, Ryan had started an online dance class for private lessons, allowing dancers to still connect with him and learn routines. The entertainment industry was a bad place to be, with the world on pause, but they had both found their niche and been able to continue their work and interests, which was more than a lot of other people had. It was a really positive time for both of them, for the first few months at least. Then lockdowns were extended again and again and motivation wavered as isolation started taking its toll.

Jasper knew Ryan was only a phone call away, but that was at his discretion. He could call him and cry about how much he hated everything and was struggling, but he'd much rather get his lows out of the way and call Ryan for happier conversations. When he spoke to Ryan, he wanted it to be about positive things, not negative things. He had convinced himself this was for Ryan's benefit, because Ryan was having his own share of low points throughout this, at times near apocalyptic sounding reality they heard about whenever they turned on the news. The last thing Jasper wanted was to drop more stress on him over the phone when there was nothing he could do about it. Problem was, he also knew that was the same mindset that had been the detriment of their relationship last time. The distance allowed for Jasper to hide or avoid talking about the struggles he was facing, which was a huge step back in the progress they had made.

Ryan both thrived and suffered during the lockdowns. On one hand, not having to go out and socialize suited him. In fact, he loved not having to leave the house or speak to anyone. Even better, leaving the house and knowing people were meant to be socially distancing themselves. Social anxiety was pretty satisfied by the restrictions. No parties he'd have to bumble his way through conversations with strangers, no having to reach past someone in a supermarket aisle for an item off the shelf they were in front of, no one in his personal space. He was living the dream before it turned into one of those nightmares where you keep thinking 'ah finally I am awake' only to realise you're still dreaming. Stuck in monotony with no clear end date, started to wreck havoc on his depression. On the flip-side, otherwise known as Australia, the entire world spiraling into what seemed like an endless nightmare, he’d spent 4 months trapped and dealing with a toilet paper shortage for.. some reason? He’d gone over to see ‘Jimmy’ and Brayden, and then things kicked off and borders closed and people were getting into full on fist fights in supermarkets over trolleys full of toilet paper. Ryan concluded that Aussies had no clue what a virus was because they lived daily life risking death by some kind of venomous snake or spider. Being sneezed on by a sick person was the least of their worries when they had spiders the size of his palm just casually living in corners of their homes. He'd never been more thankful to get out of the country, even if it was a struggle to get home, and he was forced into mandatory isolation in what just so happened to be the weeks before they all really started taking lockdowns more seriously. Before they knew it, the cycle of waiting for it to end, short-lived celebrations together before yet another lockdown, kept them apart, was well underway.

Finally, things had seemed more settled. Jasper had a new album to drop, and a tour organised. He and Ryan had started looking at houses and planning to move in after the tour, ready to start life together again and put the last few years behind them.

Grace and Flynn welcomed twins, Bailey and Atticus, in the first year of the pandemic. It was funny at the time to mock them for not keeping ‘socially distant’ but when it came time for the birth, Grace had been in hospital alone for hours labouring with no support. Flynn, only allowed in the room when her waters broke and he couldn’t stay for long after the babies were born, either. It was horrible for Flynn to miss out on the experience of the first few days with his first biological kids, and bittersweet to be home supporting Ellie through her mum's absence before she was released from the hospital. After the loneliness and trauma of the birth, Jasper expected the last thing on her mind would have been surrogacy, but when the twins were 6 months old and things were seeming a little less dire, Grace mentioned it and Ryan’s face lit up in a way Jasper hadn't expected would hit him right in the heart. So began the process of Jasper helping his boyfriend to impregnate his sister. What a time.

A pandemic, a set of twins, months of awkward insemination nights and disappointed negatives later, he stood here waiting for the sun to rise on a perfectly ordinary day, that he’d remember forever as the starting point for the rest of his life. Marrying the man he'd soon be becoming a father with.

Speaking of their baby,

“What happened to the gold suit idea?” Grace asks as she sneaks into the tent to see Jasper. She was dressed in a satin, floor length gold dress, with a bump he'd have politely not brought up, not just a big meal or a baby weight left over from the twins. It was his baby. Still a lot to get his head around.

“I decided to take the whole getting married thing seriously, and not wear a costume for it. Save the gold suit for another time. I don’t want to look like a pretentious asshole on my wedding day,” Jasper shrugs, adjusting his vest. He’d chosen not to wear a suit jacket either, just a long-sleeved white dress shirt with a black tailored vest and a gold bowtie.

“Well, I have something for you, from mum and dad,” Grace walks over with a little box in her hands.

“What?”

“Apparently these were dad’s. He wore them on his wedding day and was saving them for when you got wedding. So there’s your something old,” Grace passes the box to Jasper. He opens it to find a pair of silver cufflinks.

“That’s an unexpected gesture. I figured they would just kinda ignore the whole ‘getting married’ thing.”

“No, actually, they were both more than happy for you. Although, I had to have a very uncomfortable conversation with mum about whether you or Ryan would need a garter,” Grace can’t help but laugh as she tells him. Jasper immediately cracks up, laughing at the mental image that had invaded his previously nervous thoughts.

“Oh poor mum, I dread to think of her lying awake at night picturing me or Ryan wearing her garter.”

“Bless her heart, though. She was trying so hard to be supportive. Just, didn’t quite know if it’d be more or less offensive to offer her garter.”

“It’s the thought that counts. Even if they still think one of us is the ‘woman’ in the relationship,” Jasper rolls his eyes, amused, as he takes the cufflinks from the box and puts them on.

“How are you feeling?”

“Absolutely terrified. Did you feel that way before you married Flynn?”

“I don't really remember. The whole day was a bit of a blur. I do remember feeling really secure in the idea of it. I guess, it might be different for you two because you weren’t in a good place before the lockdowns and stuff so you guys haven’t been living that domestic life, Flynn and I were already basically a married couple in every way but the paperwork.”

“Yeah, if I’m honest, I’m a little scared of that. We haven’t lived together. I think the most time we've spent together has been like, a week, maybe?” Jasper says with a shrug before looking down and fiddling with his bow tie.

“It’s not like you just got back together. You guys have been solid the whole time, right? Besides, all that time apart, you guys have been talking, so you would be really strong. Communication is the backbone for a good relationship.” Grace was right, of course. They had nothing but time to talk. That’s not to say all they did was talk or that they talked about things that really mattered.

~

“Happy birthday.” Ryan grins through the computer camera.

"I can't hear you, you're muted."

"Can you hear me now?"

"Yes, much better. Hi."

"Hi, happy birthday. Are you ready to open that present now?" Ryan asks eagerly.

“I’m scared.” Jasper admits, staring down at a package that’d sat on his bench, taunting him for the past week since it had been delivered.

“Don’t be scared. Go on, open it. Just, uh, make sure you don’t get it on camera.” Ryan urges, and Jasper casts him a nervous smile. They had a rule for these zooms, and if Ryan didn't want this present to be visible, it was definitely something NSFW.

“Do I want whatever this is?”

“I hope so, it wasn’t cheap.”

Jasper starts hacking away at the insane sticky tape job to get into the box while Ryan watches with eager excitement. As soon as he gets the box open, he covers his face and laughs. “Are you serious? What the hell is this!”

“Cute, huh?” Ryan asks. Jasper sighs and looks back at the gift in his lap.

“Why is it ‘rose gold’?”

“Why not?”

“USB Rechargeable, 8 vibrating functions. 8! That seems excessive. Wait, remote controlled? Where?” Jasper takes the toy out and starts searching the box for the remote, when it suddenly vibrates in his hand. "What." Jasper looks confused at Ryan, who smirks and holds up his phone, pressing a button and setting it off again, this time on a higher setting. “No. NO! No. That’s. No way.”

“Go on. I want to try it out. I’ll wait.” Ryan winks and turns it off. Jasper looks back down at the box, almost embarrassed at the thought, but a hell of a lot more curious.

"Can I trust you to not set it off until I'm ready?"

"Do you think I want to miss the show?" Ryan answers and he and Jasper just look at each other for a few long moments. After some consideration, Jasper gets up and Ryan watches him disappear into the bathroom.

After a couple of minutes, Jasper emerges, his face slightly flushed red and a nervous smile on his face as he makes his way back to the computer. He’s mid step when he gasps and shudders, falling against the wall and bracing himself.

“Ryan!” Jasper shouts, like he’s annoyed to have been taken off guard. Ryan erupts into satisfied laughter that was bordering on evil, then turns it off, letting Jasper at least get back to his seat, though his steps were very cautious and distrusting.

“It sucks that I cannot watch you enjoy this.” Ryan sighs before pressing another function on the app and watching Jasper just about leap from his chair. “Should we end the video and just do this over a phone call?” He asks and Jasper agrees. Reluctantly, Ryan ends the video and calls Jasper, lying down on his bed and getting comfortable as Jasper answers. "So, how is it?" Ryan asks, closing his eyes to try and imagine what expression was on Jasper's face, by the way he could hear him breathing.

"Take me through all the functions." Jasper replies, his voice painting the image of a cheeky smirk on his lips, probably biting his lower lip and waiting in anticipation. Ryan flicks to the next setting and listens to Jasper's reaction. "Next." Jasper asks, his breathing rigged and instantly moaning as Ryan changes it to the next setting. "N-not bad. Next." Jasper asks. "Oh fuck, whatever number that one is, we're coming back to. Next." They go through all the settings, then back to Jasper's favourite and try as he might, even the best mental image of Jasper losing himself, just couldn't do justice to the gasping of expletives that forced Ryan to pull his phone away from his ear to avoid being deafened by.

He'd have given anything to watch him unravel in this new experience, but they knew damn well that this was exactly the time where video hackers would take advantage of people’s loneliness and Jasper was adamant that if he was going to have a leaked ‘sex tape’ he wanted to at least be actually having sex, not just getting off over zoom to his boyfriend.

~

“Why does it have googly eyes on it?” Ryan asks. He didn't know what to expect, but this was not it.

“I didn’t know if it was weirder for it to just be a mouth with a nose, so I added eyes.” Jasper explains through laughter.

“I think it’s definitely weirder with the eyes, I mean, there's not enough face for there to be eyes.”

"Yeah. But it also doesn't need a nose, yet it has one." Jasper wipes a tear from his eyes, highly amused by Ryan's reaction.

"You've had a lot of fun doing this, haven't you?" Ryan asks, missing seeing that smile in person.

“You know those inappropriate things you think of in the dead of the night that make you laugh? Well, for me, it’s been the thought of you thrusting away and the googly eyes just rolling around all over the place, looking in different directions. One getting stuck staring off absently beside you or something while the other one just rolls around. I had to stop myself putting a squeaker in the back of it's 'throat' because I thought that might be a step too far.”

“I love that, that was where you drew the line. What’s with the stick on goatee?”

“He hip, he cool, he nibble on your tool.” Jasper cracks himself up, laughing.

“Ok, sorry I asked. I think you’ve enjoyed this more than I will.” Ryan jokes, seeing that Jasper had added to the toy, a toothbrush in the mouth, for the toy’s ‘realistic teeth for added sensation.’ “Wow. I’m not using this for its intended purpose. I need you to know that.”

"The toothbrush or the Nigel the Nommer?"

"You named this monstrosity?" Ryan asks. For some reason, feeling this stupid amount of love for Jasper in this completely ridiculous moment.

“Well, you don't have to use it, but I hope you've been taking care of yourself. I will be politely disappointed if I finally get to see you and it’s all over in 3 minutes.”

“Awesome, thanks for the pressure. Not going to lie though, having not seen you in months, it’s getting difficult to even get into the headspace of anything.” Ryan sighs.

“Well, that’s why I got you the toy.”

“I’d feel safer using a blender. This thing is the stuff of nightmares, between the googly eyes looking into my soul and having to go dick first into the unknown with the teeth, this is the most off-putting sex toy on the planet.” Jasper is laughing so hard no sound is even coming out anymore, he’s just slapping the desk every few seconds and wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. Ryan shakes his head and laughs with him, enjoying just seeing the happiness this was bringing Jasper. “God, I miss you.” He mutters. Jasper inhales and holds it to stop himself from continuing to laugh.

“I miss you too.”

“As soon as this lockdown is over, can we move in together? I hate being stuck so far away from you.”

“Yes please. This whole distance thing is driving me crazy.”

“I can tell. The googly eyes gave that away.” Ryan jokes and loses Jasper to another laughing fit.

~

So while yes, they had nothing but time to talk and perfect every issue in their relationship; they had been trying to make lockdown and isolation fun for one another, more than anything. It was a hard enough time without adding extra stress to their days, so they just did their best to make each other laugh and focus on enjoying themselves. What they really needed was time together, and when restrictions were starting to be lifted, their focus went to catching up on missed time together, thankfully for more than 3 minutes. Aside from that, it was all tour plans, house-hunting and baby making. There had been no downtime or transition period, they just hit the ground running towards their future and took no time at all to live in the moment.

The sun is brimming at the horizon when Flynn joins his wife and Jasper in the tent.

“Hey, are you almost ready?” He asks.

"I think so." Jasper nods. He was grateful to Flynn for being here for him, in honour of Blake, but the sight of him brought feelings Jasper didn’t know he had been avoiding.

“Punch me if this isn’t appropriate, but I thought you might want to incorporate Blake in a subtle way, so if you wanted to borrow it, I thought you could wear the necklace.” Flynn offers. Jasper turns back to him quickly. Flynn holds an electric blue guitar pick that was threaded onto a chain. He had it made for himself when he’d gone through Blake’s things to find what he needed to keep, and what they could donate. It was so sentimental and he hadn’t been seen without it in the last year and a half.

“Flynn.” Jasper had nothing to say because he wanted to wear it so much, now that it was being held out for him, but he also felt guilty taking it off Flynn, especially because Flynn had tears in his eyes at the thought of parting with it even for half an hour.

“I think you need it more than me this morning.” He offers and Grace gives him an encouraging smile.

“Did she put you up to this?” Jasper asks in a light tone, feeling absolutely ridiculous that he and Flynn were tearing up over a necklace.

“No. I was getting dressed and just felt like it’d be the right thing to do. Please wear it. I’ll feel pathetically selfish if I do.” As Flynn speaks, he steps forward and Jasper extends his hand to accept the necklace. The moment it leaves Flynn’s hands, Grace wraps her arms around Flynn and kisses his cheek. Jasper’s hands shake as he puts the chain around his own neck. He had accepted that Blake’s death meant he’d miss all the milestones of Jasper’s life, but that continued to hurt with every single big step Jasper was taking. Back when he and Ryan had gotten engaged, that was with the help of Blake. To not have him here today didn't feel fair. He turns away for a moment to compose himself, placing a hand on his tattoo to remind himself Blake would be watching over him, if that really was what happened after death. All his emotions hit him at once and suddenly the hesitation he’d been feeling fades away, leaving him with this powerful need to walk out of here and marry the love of his life, no more waiting.

“Is Ryan ready?” Jasper asks, his head up and his shoulders back, not a doubt in his mind that he was ready for this.

“If you call becoming randomly stressed about whether he knows how to walk properly, ready, then yes.” Flynn slips his arm around Grace and presses a kiss to her forehead.

“That sounds like the man I know and love. Better get started before he starts questioning whether he knows how to breathe properly too.” Jasper turns around with a fond smile on his face. He loved every stupid thing about Ryan, even the overthinking and the absurdly negative expectations he had of any situation where the stakes were high. The moment he’d been hoping for since forever was likely a pressure cooker for his anxiety, and Jasper would not make him suffer another second. If he had it his way, he’d just go from this tent to Ryan’s. Kiss him with all the desperation and urgency of a romance movie and call them married. No need to put on a show and have the full ceremony. But he was living Ryan’s fantasy today, so it would have to be every bit as special as Ryan was hoping for.

Ryan and Jasper had argued plenty of times about this, part of the reason they had not settled on planning a wedding. They had never come to an agreement about how to do the whole ‘walking down the aisle’ part of the ceremony. Ryan wanted the moment where he could turn around and see Jasper walking towards him, but Jasper strongly objected to the idea of walking down the aisle like a bride. So instead, Jasper had come up with an idea.

Simon and Luke begin a slow rendition of Queen’s ‘I Was Born to Love You' as Jasper and Ryan both exit their tents, blindfolded and led to their version of an aisle, the marriage celebrant in the center, with both men walking for either side to meet in the middle.

‘I, was born, to love you~

With every single piece of my heart~

Yes, I was born, to take care of you,

Every single day~

Of my life~’

As the first part of the song ends, Grace takes off Jasper's blindfold and Beth takes off Ryan's so they both see each other at the same time.

‘I, was born, to love you~

With every single beat, of my heart~

Yes I, was born, to take care of you

Every single day~

Of my life~’

Seeing each other dressed up in a formal suit was nothing new, but the feeling that came with it, the knowledge that this was their wedding, was enough to make them both tear up at the sight of each other. They both had a photographer focusing just on one of them to capture the look on their faces when they saw each other. They walk towards each other, trying to pace themselves with the song and having to fight the urge to run and wrap their arms around one another.

You are the one for me

I am the man for you

You were made for me~

You're my ecstasy~

If I was given every opportunity,

I’d kill for your love

Neither of them could wipe the smiles off their faces as they made their way to the top of the aisle. Grace and Flynn follow Jasper, arm in arm, as Beth and Brayden follow Ryan.

So take a chance with me,

Let me romance with you~

I’m caught in a dream, and my dreams come true~

Jasper and Ryan meet in front of the celebrant, their small audience clapping for them. Jasper looks over Ryan. Though their suits were similar, Ryan was wearing a jacket. On the breast pocket of it was an army pin he'd borrowed from Brayden. Ryan's eyes land on the necklace Jasper was wearing, and he smiles past Jasper to Flynn, giving him a nod. Hearts racing, nerves completely vanished, they entwine their fingers and look with anticipation into each other's eyes. A few formalities away from being officially husbands.

So hard to believe,

This is happening to me

An amazing feeling~

Comin’ through’

As the bridal party reaches the top of the aisle, they take their places beside Jasper and Ryan. In the single row of seats before them, Jules is sitting in front of Ryan with a laptop on her lap, Jimmy on zoom. Fi sits beside Jules, two seats left empty for Luke and Simon when they finish singing, with Mark and Leo finishing the row. Just their nearest and dearest.

Jasper and Ryan hold hands, staring at each other like neither of them believe they are here. Standing on some seemingly empty and unimportant place that had somehow become their beach. It felt like they had come full circle. To be back here getting married as the sunlight was painting the sky felt like the perfect way to acknowledge the place where they had first really let themselves start to fall in love.

“We are gathered here today for the union of Jasper Reid and Ryan Kurtis.” No one cared one bit for most of what was said until it reached the vows and I do’s. The ceremony was expected to be short and sweet. There wouldn’t be time for lengthy romantic speeches because not only had no one slept since the show last night, but Jasper and Ryan had to be on a plane in just over an hour, so the celebrant was giving a condensed version, skipping as much as possible while still being able to call this a legal ceremony.

“With this ring, I promise to love, cherish, and care for you through every challenge and every celebration we face. I promise to motivate you when you’re struggling to write music, and to push you when you’re procrastinating. I promise to be your biggest supporter, your most honest critic and your most loyal fan. Most importantly, I promise you will never be alone in any battle. For better or for worse and never with judgement, I will love you, for the rest of my life and beyond.” Ryan says as he slides the ring on Jasper’s finger, setting the bar high for Jasper's personalized vows.

“With this ring, I promise that I really do love all the things you think I don’t, I promise that I will apologise when I’m being petty, that I will back you 100% in all your goals and dreams, and that I'll be the fiercest fighter against anything and anyone that gets in your way of achieving them. I will love you for the rest of my life and do my best to make sure that you’ll never have to face a time where you doubt your worth to me. You’re my person and I am yours, forever.” Jasper slides the ring onto Ryan’s finger with a shake in his hands. Rings on, Ryan squeezes Jasper's hand in his, looking deep into his eyes and waiting for permission to kiss him.

“Do you, Ryan Kurtis, take Jasper Reid to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

“And do you, Jasper Reid, take Ryan Kurtis to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.” Ryan half expected Jasper to back out, and he’s genuinely relieved to hear the words leave his husband's lips.

“With the power vested in me, I now pronounce you legally married. You may now kiss.” There’s a cheer from everyone watching, as Jasper and Ryan lean in for a kiss right as the sunrises behind them, encompassing them in the glow of its rays while Simon and Luke start singing for them again.

Born, to love you, born, to love you,

Yes, I was born to love you~

Born, to love you, born, to love you,

Every single day, of my life~

Jasper was definitely not dreaming. Ryan's lips were proof of that, if nothing else. The addictive taste of his lips and the feeling that they sent through every single nerve in Jasper's body could not be replicated. After years, it was crazy just how much each kiss was still able to do this. To make Jasper feel weightless and free. Take everything else from his mind and leave him alight with passion, security, and love. Ryan smiles into the kiss and Jasper smiles back before the cheer of their families remind them they aren't here alone. They break the kiss and hold up their hands victoriously, gaining another cheer. They had done it, and now that Jasper had a taste for marriage, he's pretty sure he's going to marry Ryan in every single place he legally can while on tour. For something he cared little for only 15 minutes ago, he couldn't wait to pledge his life to this man in every permitting country and state, and for that matter, to consummate it every single time, maybe even find time for a honeymoon at some point between shows and coming home for ultrasound appointments, all while trying to keep the media from finding out about any of it. This was going to be fun.

I was born to love you

With every single beat of my heart~

Yeah, I was born to take care of you

Every single day of my life~

Yeah, I was born to love you,

Every single day of my life!'