Man In Motion - 6. The Dilemma

May 10, 1985

New York, NY

I found Robbie waiting for me in the lobby of the Waldorf in New York City. I'd talked him into meeting me here just so I didn't have to deal with Neil and his shit. Besides, in less than a month we'd graduate and be on to our next step, either with each other or not.

“Hey,” he said cheerfully and gave me a big hug.

“You beat me, and my car is faster,” I teased. I took his hand and guided him to the reception desk. It was cool to be here in New York, where the sight of two guys holding hands wasn't a big deal and where a hotel like the Waldorf would never dream of offending one of its guests. I checked in and just got a standard room. I didn't want to overwhelm him, since money had been an issue.

“I still don't like you spending all of this money,” he said, voicing those same concerns.

“And I don't understand why that's an issue for you. Haven't I taken us nice places before? Remember that massive suite at the Fairmont after we ran away from your mother?”

“Point taken. Wanna try out the bed?” he asked with a leer.

We rolled around on the king-sized bed, shedding our clothes as we clutched each other passionately. Then I had him on his back with his legs in the air, begging me to fuck him. The thought that I could be in a place like this with this amazing, masculine male specimen just begging me to fuck him was beyond erotic.

“Use a condom baby,” he said urgently. That was really disconcerting, but I ignored it and smiled at him. Still, it irritated me so I took it out on him by fucking him hard. I held his legs against my shoulders and just slammed in and out of him. He fucking loved it. He moaned and groaned, tossed his head from side to side, yelled, begged me to fuck him harder, and then he came. I waited until he was almost done with his orgasm and then I came. I learned that when I did that sometimes I could keep him going, giving him almost multiple orgasms. It worked today.

Best of all, after I was done, I collapsed on him, squishing his cum between us, and snuggled up to his cushy chest, feeling his body shake and shiver for the next ten minutes after he came. “You are the most amazing lover, period,” he said, panting.

“So are you. I love the way you are into different things. You make sex fun and interesting. It's never boring.” He looked worried about that. He'd also felt a lot looser when I fucked him. What was Neil sticking in his ass?

“I'm sorry about the condom,” he said sheepishly. “I was drunk at a party last week, and afterward I fucked Neil without one.”

I didn't say anything for a while. “I guess it really upsets me that you did that, because he's a skank and you could have gotten something from him. And I love you too much to see you like Armand. On the other hand, I can't be upset at you for being honest and protecting me.” Getting mad at him about this would only make him reluctant to tell me about something like this in the future.

“I love you, Brad,” he said. “I really do.”

“I love you too, baby.” He seemed really uptight. “What's bothering you?”

“It's almost graduation,” he said.

“And then you'll have to make a decision between us?” I asked.

He nodded. “I'm sorry, Brad. I know I'm being so selfish. Sometimes I wonder why you'd even want to be with me.”

I decided to lighten the mood. “Sometimes I wonder that too.” He smiled at me.

“You both make me happy in different ways.”

I fought back the anger. “You know, if you would tell me what you like, what you want, I could be everything that you need,” I told him.

He squeezed me tight, and I could feel the emotion and sadness inside of him. “Yes, you could be.” There was a long pause. “Will you give me the last few weeks to work through things?”

“It would be easier if you told me that when that time is up, you'll be going home with me.”

“Well that's a given, since we live in the same place,” he said, trying to joke it away.

“That's not what I mean, and you know it,” I snapped. He rolled me off of him and onto my stomach. The next thing I knew his mouth was on my ass, then my crack, then my hole. I hadn't been fucked for a while, so I was really tight. He worked with his tongue to loosen me up, and he probed me with his fingers to get me all fired up.

He pulled up long enough to slip on the condom and lube us up, and then he entered me, gently and slowly. He was taller than me, so he draped his body over mine, letting me feel his weight as he moved in and out of me. “Brad, I love you. I love you so much, you have no idea. And in June, when graduation is over, we'll be together. If you still want me.”

I heard a moan, almost a shriek, come out of my mouth, as I moved back into him, totally and completely giving myself to him, and he brought me to the best fucking orgasm I’d ever had in my entire life. When we were done and we were back in our post-orgasm position, he had to hold me tight with both arms, I was shaking so hard.

I finally got control of myself and looked up at him. “Did you mean that? You've made your decision?”

He smiled. “I have. I want to be with you. Period.” He paused. “But I want to have the rest of this semester, these next few weeks, to try and ease out of this thing with Neil.”

“That's fair. That was our deal. You make me so happy, you know that?” I asked. I felt like I'd done a whole bunch of coke, only this time it was real, genuine, and not just a temporary, drug-induced high.

May 12, 1985

New York, NY

“I don't think I've ever seen you so happy, or had as much fun with you before,” he said to me as we finished up another marathon sex session.

“College has made you smart,” I teased. “I'm happy because I know that in less than a month, you're all mine. Forever.” I worried that he'd tense up, that he'd get all worried, but he didn't. I looked up at his face and he was smiling as big as I was. “Is that what you want?”

“Yeah. That's what I want.” He kissed me again. “That and a shower.” I followed him into the shower, and we had a good time. Still, it was kind of sad that we couldn't fuck in the shower. Fucking Neil. I would be so glad when that guy was out of my life.

I reflected back on our weekend and on what a great time we'd had in New York. We'd been tourists, going to see the Empire State Building, the Statue of Liberty, Wall Street, and all the other cool shit. Then we'd gone to see the latest hit play on Broadway, Biloxi Blues. It was pretty good, especially the part where they catch the two guys fucking in the bathroom. That just made me horny.

“So what do you want to do today?” I asked him.

“I should probably head back. I've got a bunch of assignments to get done.” That made me sad, but I understood.

“I understand. Well, I'll see you in two weeks up in Connecticut. I'm still on your calendar aren't I?”

He smiled. “You are.” We checked out and headed down to our cars, and with a final kiss goodbye, he was gone. The sadness was almost unbearable, but his commitment to me cheered me up. I smoked a joint on the way home to relax, and found that I couldn't stop the idiotic smile that kept breaking out across my face.

May 19, 1985

New Haven, CT

I heard the phone ringing, trying to drag me out of my deep sleep. I tried to ignore it and just go back to sleep but it just kept ringing. I looked at my watch: 2:12am. I reached over and grabbed the damn thing just before the answering machine picked it up.

“Hello,” I said, the grogginess very much apparent in my voice.

“Brad, Brad, Brad,” I heard Max stammer, “I need to, uh, to get home.” I smiled. Max was obviously drunk off his ass, and that was unusual for him. He was a stoner like me. It was pretty rare that he'd get totally hammered.

“Sure, Max. Where are you?” I said cheerfully. My mother was involved in Mothers Against Drunk Driving, and had been ever since my brother Billy had been killed in a drunk driving accident. Her directive to us was that you never give drunk people shit when they ask for a ride; you just give them a ride.

“I'm at the, fuck, hang on.” I heard the phone drop and giggled. “I'm on campus near the Student Union.”

“Alright. Stay there and I'll come get you, OK?”

“Thanks, Brad.” I jumped out of bed and threw on the clothes I'd pulled off a few hours earlier then tore over to campus. I found Max right away, sitting on the curb outside the Union puking in the gutter. I started laughing.

“Hey, Max,” I said, rolling down the window. “When you're done puking, hop in.” He laughed and staggered toward the car and fell into it. I cringed inside, hoping he hadn't dented it.

“Sorry, Brad. I think the car's OK. If not, I'll fix it. I'll pay for it.”

“Don't worry about it, Max, just get in.” He crawled in. Damn he reeked. Alcohol and cigarettes. He didn't smoke cigarettes, but there had obviously been a lot of smokers at the party he went to. “You need a shower.”

“Brad, I'm so fucking horny.” He reached down and squeezed his dick. “Will you blow me? God, I love it when you blow me.” Damn. He started to take his dick out.

“Calm down Max. I'll get you home, we'll take a shower, and I'll blow you.”

“Fuck yeah!” he yelled. “Woo Hoo!” I laughed with him. I got him home and inside and dragged him to the bathroom. I stripped off all of our clothes and pushed him into the shower, climbing in behind him.

I soaped up my hands and ran them up and down his sexy body. He was just adorable. I washed his back and his ass, spending lots of time on his crack and his taint while he leaned forward against the wall, spread-eagled. Then I pulled him back so his soapy back squished against my chest and we were slipping and sliding against each other. My hard cock wedged itself in his crack. He moaned and thrust back into me, rubbing his ass against my dick so I slammed against the back of his balls. I soaped up his front, using my hands to slide over his chest and under his arms, tickling him. Then I moved down and stroked his dick with my soapy hand while I thrust my cock along his crack.

He leaned against me, letting me take control, and rolled his head so his mouth was against my ear. “You make me feel so fucking good,” he whispered. He was driving me nuts. “Dude. This is so gnarly. You're gonna make me cum. You are. I'm gonna cum,” he said in a high-pitched whisper and a tone that said he was almost surprised. I felt my own orgasm surging and I started shooting my load against his balls.

“You feel my cum spraying against your balls?” I said in a loud growl as I blew, and that's all it took to push him into a major orgasm too. Spent, I cleaned us both up, dried us off, and dragged him off to bed.

“I'm sleeping with you?” he asked.

“If you want to.”

“I want to,” he said. I lay on my back and pulled him to me, and thought for the umpteenth time how ironic it was that he loved the same position I did, but with him, I liked it better this way, where he was snuggled up to my chest, cute and vulnerable. I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.

I woke up to a fantastic feeling: Max’s mouth on my dick. “Mmm,” I said. “What a great way to wake up.” He liked to do this. He liked to sneak into my room when I was asleep and wake me up like this.

He stopped and moved up to kiss me. “Make love to me,” he said.

“Max, we talked about this. I don't want to hurt you, physically or emotionally.” He was straddling me, rubbing his ass along my shaft, making me horny as hell.

“I want you to make love to me. I want you to take my cherry,” he said forcefully. “Unless you don't want to. Unless you don't think I'm hot enough.”

Then he had me. The threat of making him feel insecure was too much for me. “If I do this, it can't change anything between us, OK?” I said, knowing that may not be easy to do.

“We'll still be friends, just friends,” he said. “Please?”

I smiled. “Lie on your stomach,” I ordered, taking charge. “You are going to do exactly what I say, got it?” I smiled as I saw his dick throb a little bit. He liked it when I was in control.

He lay on his stomach and I worked my mouth up his legs until I got to his taint. I nuzzled it, moaning at the same time, letting the vibrations permeate up to his prostate and down through his balls. He moaned and moved back into my mouth, urging me on.

I moved up to his hole and started rimming him. “I'm going to lick your hot little hole first,” I said, pausing as I spoke, darting my tongue out in between words. “I want to taste you, taste all of you.” He was moaning like crazy now. “Mmmm,” I said, making more vibrations, only this time directing them right at his hole. I grabbed the lube and put some on my finger and a lot on his hole.

“Now I'm going to finger you, loosen you up for my cock,” I said. I kissed his ass cheeks as I thrust my finger into him gently. “Open up, let me in,” I cooed, and he did. I worked him for a while, keeping him on edge, and then inserted a second finger. I waited for him to get used to that, and then I went for a third.

“That kind of hurts,” he whined.

“I've got a big dick. You want it or not,” I said callously, reminding him who was in charge. He pushed back onto my fingers, opening up even more. God, he had a hot little ass. He was going to feel so good.

I lay down on the bed, flat on my back, which surprised him. “You're ready now. Sit on my cock. Make me feel so good. Wrap that tight hole around me,” I said, sounding as sexy as I could. He jumped up and lined my dick up with his hole, and tried to sit on it. It was times like this that a big dick was a curse.

I watched him work so hard, try so hard to take it, but it hurt him really bad. “I can't do it. I want to so bad, but I can't.”

“You're rushing. What do you have to do today?” I asked.

“Nothing really,” he said.

“Good. We have hours. Take your time, and know that I'm gonna make you cum like you never imagined.” His eyes got big and he tried again. He went in a bit and I stopped him, making him back off, and then he tried again. I bet it took him forty-five minutes to get the head to pop through his ring. “Ahhhhh,” he cried in pain, and pulled out.

“That's good, baby, that's good. You're doing great. That's the most painful part, and you're almost there. A few more tries and I'll be in you.” He moved down again, determined. “I can't wait to feel you, to be in you. Fuck, you are so hot, so incredibly hot.” And then he was on me, and I was in him. His eyes bulged in pain and in surprise.

“OK, baby, that's great. Damn, you are good. You are so tough, so brave. Taking such a big dick your first time.” I could see the effect my words had on him, how they relaxed him, made him proud. “Move up and down just a little, and make sure my dick hits your spot, you know, the one I play with when I blow you.” It was really hard for me to lie there, still, letting him move around on me, getting used to me, but I managed to pull it off.

I was starting to wonder if he'd ever get it, if he'd be the guy that couldn't take me, when I saw his eyes shoot open, and felt his ass really loosen up, really let me in. I smiled up at him. “Feels good?”

“Fuck. Yeah. Feels. Good.” He panted. And he started moving up and down with a purpose now. I looked down and noticed that he was hard again, hard as a rock. Normally I'd toss him on the bed and fuck his brains out, but I let him keep going on top of me, let him take over and set the pace.

“So. Good.” he panted. Now he was really going, really sliding up and down. I just lay there, still, letting him use my cock as a massive dildo. And then, without warning, he started to blow. His first shot flew past my head, the second one landed on my cheek. He looked down at me and I wiped his jizz off my face and licked it off my fingers seductively, and that just made him cum even harder. I couldn't believe how long he blew. When he was done, he was like me, vulnerable, quivering, and shaking. I pulled him to my chest and hugged him tightly, really tightly, making him feel as secure as I could. We lay there for at least 15 minutes: I was trying to ignore my raging hard-on; he was trying to recover.

“You know what, Brad?” he said.

I got nervous. “What?”

“I think that having you fuck me was one of the best decisions I ever made. You were everything I ever thought you'd be. Patient, loving, and gentle.” I kissed him gently and felt myself start blushing, my ego soaring through the roof.

“That's one of the nicest things anyone ever said to me,” I told him.

“You didn't cum,” he said, stroking my dick. I moaned involuntarily and thrust into his hand. “I want you to fuck me again. I want to lie on my back and watch you fuck me just like you fucked Robbie on the plane.” I was so keyed up I didn't need any other encouragement.

I flipped him onto his back and slapped some more lube on him. He was still tight, so I entered him slowly. I could see that it still hurt. Well, that was normal. I moved in and out of him slowly at first, letting him get used to it, letting him enjoy it. He made the same face that Robbie made, the same face I loved, the one with the little “o” shape. I controlled myself, keeping my pace and thrusts regular, but then I started to get excited, started to get into it, and I just lost it. I didn't pound him as I pounded Robbie, but I picked up my pace, faster and deeper thrusts. I felt myself getting close. “Max, you're gonna make me cum. You wanna feel me blow in your ass? Huh, baby? You want me to blast inside you?” He moaned and rolled his head back. I started shooting into his tight hole and felt him expand and contract with me, and it drove me crazy. I came and came and came, and just when I was almost done, I stroked his cock a few times and he blew his second load. It was huge. He'd be totally drained now. God knows I was.

I pulled out and collapsed on top of him, my head on his chest, my body on his, his legs still wrapped around my torso.

May 24, 1985

New Haven, CT

I hated this, when I walked up to the door and heard the phone ringing inside. I fumbled with my keys, dropped them, and then fumbled some more. I heard the ringing stop, but I still moved quickly. Maybe I could get to it before they finished leaving a message.

“Hey Brad, this is Robbie, can you give me a call at home?” I heard him say. Then I heard a voice in the background giving him orders. It was pretty easy to figure out that it was Neil who was talking to him. I stood there glaring at the machine, waiting for more, but the line went dead. I listened to the message again. His voice was strained, not from stress, but from being close to an orgasm. It took me a few more runs to hear and understand what Neil was saying. “Tell him, bitch.” Whatever Neil was doing to him, he was forcing him to call me, and since Robbie was already supposed to be on his way, the only reason that could be is that he wanted to tell me he was going to be late, or he wasn't coming. I felt the anger surge within me, and then I felt it fade just as fast, and I had to admit that I was kind of relieved.

I called him back. “Hey Brad,” Robbie said, still out of breath.

“Hey Robbie,” I said. “You want to finish blowing your load and then call me back?” I asked rudely. I heard him cover the phone and mutter some shit.

“What?” he asked innocently.

“Whatever Neil has stuffed in your ass, tell him to pull it out.” More muffled conversations, and then he was back on the phone.

“Sorry,” he said.

“Whatever. You're not on the road?”

“Well, I was thinking that since I graduate in a few weeks, and that we'll be in Cali after that, that maybe I could just stay here for this weekend? If it's OK with you that is. I mean, I promised I'd come up, so if you want me to, I will.”

“In other words,” I said callously, “I can force you to come up here and see me, but you'd rather stay there and have Neil stick Coke bottles up your ass.” He said nothing. “Well, I've got my own loose ends to clean up here, so that actually works out well. You are planning to come up for my graduation, aren't you?”

I could tell he wanted to argue, to tell me that I didn't have it right, but in the end he decided not to. “Of course I'll be there,” he said.

“Alright, well don't let Neil use a two-liter bottle and change your mind, OK?” I was actually joking, surprising both of us.

“I wouldn't miss it, you know that.” There was a pause. “What kind of loose ends do you have?” I smiled. He was jealous.

“I've been spending a lot of time with Max and I want to be able to enjoy him before I have to leave.” Sauce for the goose...

“Uh, OK. Well, I'll give you a call later,” he said.

“Bye.” I said simply and hung up. Three weeks ago I would have been crushed. I would have been in the car on my way down there to kick Neil's ass, but things had changed since then. I was calmer, more collected, and that was because of Max.

I heard the door open and Max came in, looking kind of down. “Isn't Robbie here yet?” he asked.

“He's not coming up this weekend,” I said as I walked up and pulled him into my arms. “You got any free time left for me?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asked, a huge smile on his face. “Come on.” He grabbed my hand and dragged me into the bedroom. My bedroom, only it felt more like our bedroom. Ever since Max had discovered the joys of getting fucked, that's all he wanted to do. Quite frankly, he was wearing me out. I needed a weekend away from both him and Robbie.

He was pulling off his clothes as fast as he could, and then he was on his stomach with his cute little ass in the air. “Come on, Brad, give it to me. Fuck me. Now.” I couldn't resist him. I was naked in no time, and then lying on his back. I nibbled at the back of his neck, his shoulders, and nuzzled up to his neck while I probed his ass with my lubed up fingers. We'd fucked so many times now that he was already loosened up. I entered him gently. He wasn't like Robbie. He didn't want me to pound him. He wanted me to make love to him. Not that I had to be soft and gentle; he just didn't view sex as a quasi-violent act. It was really nice, almost spiritual. I worked hard to make sure we came together. We weren't as in sync as I'd been with some people so we usually didn't pull that off, but when we did, it was magical. Today we did.

He lay there on top of me, his head on my chest, and I felt totally protective of him. That was odd, too, considering that he was actually a little taller than me, and had the same body type. If we got in a fight, we'd probably both end up really hurt and there probably wouldn't be a clear winner. Yet I felt like I was shielding him when I was with him in bed.

That wasn't the big problem, though. The big problem was that I'd fucked him, fucked him a lot, and it had changed our friendship just like I thought it would. An even bigger problem was that I was developing feelings for him, strong feelings. I stroked his back as I thought about that.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked me. I hated that question.

“That's a cowardly question; you know that, don't you?” I said, partly teasing.

“No it's not,” he asserted.

“It is. You're trying to get into my mind without sharing what's in yours. Plus it's a total chick question.”

“Well since we've been fucking around I feel like I've grown a pussy, so I guess that's about right,” he joked back.

“And it's a really nice pussy too,” I said, kissing him.

“You told me that you didn't want to fuck because it would mess up our friendship.”

I was dreading this conversation. “And you think it has?”

“Don't you?” he asked me.

“Uh uh. You're doing it again.” He chuckled, then got serious.

“Yeah, I do. And I feel really bad about it. I promised you that we'd still be friends, and that I wouldn't fall for you, but I have. I'm really sorry, Brad, but I just can't help it. You're terrific.”

“I'm not terrific. I just have a big dick,” I said, joking, trying to lighten up the tone.

“I'm serious,” he said earnestly. “You are kind, you are generous, you are loving, you are loyal, and you're an amazing lover. Fucking amazing. You make me feel things I never thought I could feel before.”

“Yeah, but Max, you could feel those things with other guys too. It's really easy to fall for the first guy that fucks you.”

“Did you fall for the first guy that fucked you?”

I thought about Jake, the first guy that fucked me. “I did, and he totally screwed me over. We don't talk anymore, even though he talks to Stef.”

“Does he live in California?” he asked.

“No. He goes to Wash U in St. Louis,” I said.

“What's wrong with Wash U?” he asked, sensing my negativity. “It's a good school. I almost went there.”

“He slept with my father's partner, and helped end their relationship. Dad’s ex lives in St. Louis and teaches at Wash U. So it's weird that Jake is there. Sam is married to a woman now, he's bi, but Jake is a total slut, and I'd bet serious money he's still getting Sam to fuck him.”

“Did you fall in love with Jake?”

“No. I liked him a lot though. But he was such an idiot he killed my feelings for him pretty quickly. I took him to Ohio with me, to a family event, and he embarrassed the shit out of me. Of course, I met Robbie on that trip, so it wasn't a total loss.” I was happy that we'd taken this conversation down a different path, one that didn't involve us discussing our feelings for each other.

He wasn't about to be daunted though. “I'm pretty into you.”

“I'm pretty into you too. All eight and a half inches,” I said, trying to joke.

“You're just joking to avoid the issue. I'm falling for you, and I want to know if you're falling for me too.”

“You know that Robbie and I are pretty much working things out. That's why I'm dodging the issue, OK? I don't want to hurt you.”

“That's not why you're dodging the issue. You're dodging the issue because you're developing feelings for me too.” He looked up at me, those pale blue eyes piercing right through me.

“Yeah, I am. I'm really into you. There. I said it. You happy now? And all that means is that in two weeks I'm going to have to hurt a guy I really care about. And that just rips me up.”

“Brad, it's OK. I knew what I was getting into. I knew that you and Robbie were going to end up together, and I wanted to make sure that we could still be friends. But I'm falling in love with you.”

“Fuck! You cannot fall in love with me,” I said, idiotically. Like he could control his feelings. “Part of me wants to turn into a total asshole so you won't like me.”

“That won't work and you know it. So you know how I feel, and I'm absolving you of all responsibility for my emotional state, OK? When you leave, it will be really sad, but it's my sadness, mine to deal with. You can't feel bad about it. Promise me?”

“I can't promise you that,” I said, still pissed off. Mostly at myself. “I'm gonna feel like shit because I care about you Max. That's just how it is.”

“I've got a proposition for you. Let's make the next couple of weeks really special for us. Let's have these good times to remember. And then after graduation, we don't take any guilt with us. Deal?”

I smiled at him. What an amazing guy he was. He was only worried about me, not himself. He wanted to make sure that I was alright, that I didn't hurt for him, and he'd handle his own pain all by himself. “Alright. Deal.” And then I realized that I was in the same situation that Robbie was in: I was in love with two people.