Man In Motion - 27. Marie

February 24, 1986

Somewhere over Indiana

“Are you excited to live in California with me?” I asked Darius as he jiggled up and down on my lap. The Falcon hit a slight bump, turbocharging one of his bounces and making him squeal in delight. We’d been in the air for about forty-five minutes, long enough for Darius to recover from having ear fuck from take off. Jeanine was in the back with JJ, trying to calm him down, but he seemed to be a lot crankier than Darius.

“I wanna see Mickey Mouse,” he insisted.

“How about the beach instead?” I asked.

He looked at me in annoyance. “Mickey Mouse,” he reiterated.

“We’ll see when we can get to Disneyland,” I said, caving to his charm. I wondered if this was just an omen of what my future would be like.

“I miss Maman,” he said, and suddenly got sad.

“So do I Darius,” I said just as somberly. “She was an awesome woman. We have to remember how cool she was.” How tough it must be for a little boy like him to handle death. Or perhaps it was easier? Darius grew bored with me and tore off to the back of the plane to see Jeanine.

“You both did a truly remarkable job of organizing everything,” Stef said to JP and me. I looked at him, then glanced subtly at Robbie, reminding Stef that he’d labored almost as hard. “And you were amazingly helpful too,” Stef said to Robbie, getting my hint. We'd worked our asses off to find all the things that Grandmaman had left to various people, box them up, and deliver them. Most of her bequests had gone to family members, and we were fortunate that there wasn’t any obvious bitching about that. Evidently Jim was sufficiently subdued to keep his wife and kids in line, at least on the surface. Still, I could feel the negative vibes coming from them, and they’d turned what should have been a time for people to celebrate Grandmaman's life into a heavily veiled snark-fest.

“I agree with you, Stef,” JP said. “Both of these young men were an indispensable help, as were you.”

“You’re welcome,” Robbie said, then looked at me and shook his head. “I’m surprised you’re still awake. Did you even sleep at all?”

“Not really, because even when I did get back to bed, someone kept me up,” I replied, and winked at him. Stef giggled at us.

“I cannot vouch for that part of your schedule, but I appreciated not only your hard work, but your attention to detail,” JP said to me. “I remember how invaluable you were when Billy died, how you put all of your energy into making sure everything was taken care of. You did the same thing for my mother.” I was pretty stunned by that, because effusive praise from JP was worth more than gold.

“I will add my voice to your chorus of admirers,” Mother said, and put her hand on my arm to emphasize her words.

“Thank you,” I said to all of them, then zeroed in on JP. “Your eulogy seemed to be more than you saying goodbye to Grandmaman,” I said. He looked at me curiously. “It seemed you were saying goodbye and good riddance to Claremont as well.”

“In as much as I have a choice, you may be right,” JP said, and glanced meaningfully toward the back of the plane to where Tonto was resting. I had to laugh at that. “I have no desire to go back there, and I'm hard pressed to see why I would have to since I’ve finished dealing with my mother’s estate. We distributed all of the bequests, the other assets had already been placed in trust, and Jim got the house.”

“Why did Jim get the house?” I asked. “If she was that pissed off at him, I would have thought she’d have changed her mind.”

“When I started my first job at Northwestern University, my parents bought me a condo in Evanston off Sheridan Road, overlooking Lake Michigan. It was really an amazing present,” JP said, and smiled at Stef wistfully. “When they gave it to me, they told me that, since they were going to leave the house to Jim, it was only fair to do something for me. So that was why the house went to Jim.”

“I remember that condo,” Stef said. His tone was one of reminiscence, but his expression was a leer. “I remember the first time we went to see it,” JP smiled lovingly at him, and I marveled again at how strong their bond was.

“Stef was with you?” I asked.

“He was,” JP answered succinctly, then his voice became more playful. “He'd just come over here from France and he was being such a pain in the ass I had to get him out of Claremont.”

“The residents of Claremont did not appreciate me,” Stef said vapidly, making us laugh.

“I still remember walking into that condo with you,” JP said to Stef. “I was immediately drawn to the windows that overlooked the Lake, because it was such a beautiful view, and I remember standing there with you, arm in arm, feeling so very lucky.”

I could tell that Stef was about to get as maudlin as JP, but then he thought better of it and instead flashed us his evil smile. “While I remember that quite vividly, that is not what I remember most about our time in that condo.”

JP started blushing, indicating that Stef was about to embarrass him, so I went in for the kill. “Really, Stef?” I asked innocently. “And what do you remember the most?”

“I remember spending hours in bed teaching you the art of anal sex,” Stef said to JP. “You were quite an accomplished student.” We laughed pretty hysterically at that, and even JP chuckled.

“I always got ‘A’s,” JP quipped.

“Was Stefan the first guy that fucked you?” I asked him, partly curious, partly teasing.

That question earned me a frown. “I don't see why my sex life is the focus of so much discussion and speculation,” he groused, but that just made Stef giggle more.

“Perhaps the reason for that is because it so dominates your life,” Mother said, piling on. JP had to wait for a minute before the laughter died down again.

“The first guy that made love to me was Ace's father, Andre,” JP said. I was surprised that he’d admitted that, so I decided that his honesty had earned him a break from my teasing.

“Well, Dad, you did a lot better than me,” I said, shaking my head slowly. “The first guy who fucked me was Jake,” I said. Stef cringed at that, because he still felt bad for sticking up for that douchebag.

“That is unfortunate,” Stef said, his way of trying to apologize again for how he’d handled Jake.

“It is, but my sex life got a lot better after that,” I said, grinning at Robbie. “It’s gotten to the point where it’s amazing.”

Now it was Robbie’s turn to blush. “I think so too,” he agreed, but he was so uncomfortable that it was funny, so I laughed at him which made him even more embarrassed. When I was done, I gave him a loving look, one he fully returned. If I was a building, he was my foundation. From the time Grandmaman had died until this moment, he’d done everything he could to prop me up, and he’d done that even though he’d had his own issues to deal with, putting up with all kinds of shitty innuendos from those fucking townspeople.

We flew on in silence for a bit until I broached a new topic. “Did Grandmaman know about Jim?” I asked JP. Stef glared at me for bringing that up, and raising the topic of JJ’s paternity, but I ignored him. Robbie looked at me curiously just as I had expected he would. JP did not seem bothered by it at all.

“She never told me whether she did or not, but I know she did,” JP said. “I could tell by the way she talked about him, how she sidelined him at her funeral, and the way she doled out bequests.”

“You mean Jim may have been right, and Grandmaman may have promised her diamond earrings to Vanessa after all?” I teased.

“Quite possibly,” JP responded, chuckling with me.

“Who told her about Jim?” Stefan asked.

“My mother knew what happened in that town,” JP said with a great deal of conviction. “It really is like a Peyton Place, where everyone talks about everyone else. It would be impossible for Jim to go to that hotel and not raise eyebrows, especially since he did so on a regular basis.”

“That does not explain how Marie found out,” Stef noted.

“As I said, my mother knew what happened in that town. The primary reasons were that she knew everyone and she was very popular there,” JP observed. “It was inevitable that someone would have told her.”

“What about Jim?” Robbie asked. This whole conversation had confused the shit out of him, but as soon as he’d asked the question, he got nervous for even speaking about it. “I don't mean to pry.”

JP smiled at him. “I think that Brad brought this issue up in front of you so we would feel obligated to tell you about it. I don't think he likes keeping secrets from you.” Robbie looked at me and I winked at him, getting a smile for my efforts. “My brother, Jim, is JJ's father.” That wiped the smile off Robbie’s face, and his expression changed to shock.

“I don't get that,” said Robbie. “Why would he mess around with his niece? I mean, there are enough other skanky chicks in Claremont he could have gotten with.” Stef and I giggled at that, because he was right.

“I don't know if it has anything to do with Bitty in particular,” JP said, pondering Jim's motives. “He was always so restrained when our father was alive, and tried very hard to model himself after him. After Dad died, it seemed that all of Jim’s restraints died with him. Jim seemed to cut loose, doing things that he hadn’t done before.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“He would drink a lot more at parties and he got a little more obnoxious with his employees. It may be that screwing his niece was the ultimate way for him to just say “Fuck You” to the whole town?” None of us said anything; none of us had a clue about how Jim Crampton’s fucked up mind worked.

The rest of the flight passed uneventfully, and I was relieved when the plane descended into Van Nuys, or at least I was until I remembered the penalty for traveling with toddlers and babies. The change in air pressure messed with Darius's and JJ's ears again, and their screams woke up a grumpy Tonto. I giggled at the sight of the old and the young, and how they were not so dissimilar in the things that annoyed them.

“What's so damn funny?” Tonto groused at me.

“I'm just trying to figure out who's a bigger pain in the ass: you or the crying kids,” I teased. I saw her slight grin.

“Well if anyone should know about ass pain, it's you,” she shot back, shocking us until the humor of her response truly set in. JP started cracking up, as did the rest of us, but it was especially good to see him really laugh again.

There were two separate cars to pick us up and take us up to Malibu, since Tonto was going to spend some time with us and enjoy her great-grandchildren, while JP and Mouse were going to stay for the night to see our place. Mother and Frank were going to go ahead and go home, so we had to pause and say our goodbyes to them before we could get settled into our vehicles.

For some reason, our driver had decided not to take the Ventura Freeway and instead opted to take the San Diego Freeway to the Santa Monica Freeway. It was dark by the time we got to Santa Monica and headed north up the Pacific Coast Highway, but even though the sun had set, the skies were clear and the stars, along with the street lights, lit our path. To the left was the Pacific Ocean, my emotional salve, a body of water that I viewed with reverence, and one of the most beautiful sights on earth. To the right, the lights of the houses in the hills seemed to blink at me in a welcoming way. It was hard to imagine a more serene and alluring picture, but then I looked at the people in the car with me and all of nature’s beauty seemed irrelevant. I looked at Robbie, my stalwart partner, and realized that I probably would be unable to find happiness in life if we weren’t together. My eyes settled next on Jeanine, this woman who had attracted me like no other woman ever had, who had a laugh that could lighten the darkest of days, and who was carrying our baby. Safely strapped in their carseats, finally sleeping peacefully, were Darius and JJ, my two adopted sons. I felt myself overcome with happiness at having them in my life. “We are a family now,” I said to them, my emphatic and sincere words piercing through the silence in the car as if I had used a bullhorn.

Jeanine smiled, a big smile, and leaned up and kissed Robbie on the cheek, making him blush. “I never imagined I would end up this happy,” she said. The car pulled up to our house and Jeanine stared at it for a bit, then we got out, with me carrying Darius and Robbie carrying JJ. The three of us walked into the great room and stood there, side by side with our sons in our arms, staring out at the Pacific Ocean, watching the light flicker off the crashing waves. The scene was magical, and I smiled, thinking of how much this must have been like Stef and JP’s first visit to JP’s condo in Chicago.

April 18, 1986

Stanford University Hospital

Palo Alto, CA

“This takes a long time,” Robbie grumbled, as we sat in the waiting room for the maternity ward.

“Quit your bitching,” I said, getting a pouty face in return. “I can guarantee you that your waiting is nothing compared to what Claire is dealing with.”

“It still sucks,” he said.

“We’ll ask her about when she gets out of here,” I teased, tossing that veiled threat at him.

“I’ll just shut up,” he said, making me laugh. When Claire had gone into labor, Jack had called Escorial to let us know, but Robbie and I had been the only family members at home. I’d asked the staff to let Mother and Frank know when they got back and I’d left a message with JP’s secretary. There wasn’t much else I could do, since there was no way for me to get in touch with them when they were out.

“Aren’t you glad we decided to come up here this weekend?” I asked. We’d flown up this morning so Robbie and I could hang out at Escorial. Frank was missing his favorite son. We’d known that Claire was due to deliver, but Jeanine had explained to me that those dates weren’t super accurate.

“Yeah, this is a blast,” he grouched, even as he smiled at me.

“Get used to it, big guy,” I said. “In a few months, it will be our turn.” Jeanine was starting to show her pregnancy, and I thought it made her even prettier.

“Yeah, but at least we’ll be in there with her instead of just waiting,” he said.

“That will probably be a trippy experience,” I said. I knew nothing about women’s bodies. It would probably upset me to see Jeanine struggling to give birth, especially if she were in pain, but watching my kid enter the world would make it all worthwhile.

“Probably be loud,” he said. I assumed he was thinking of the ways movies portrayed giving birth. “I'm getting hungry.”

“It’s 11:00 now, and we’ve only been here for an hour,” I said. “I don’t want to leave unless someone else is here.”

“I think we should go eat in half an hour,” he announced. He was trying to get me to agree with him, then he could use that to guilt me into going. Our eyes met and he realized that wasn’t going to work.

“You can do what you want,” I said. “Jack and Claire may need us, so I’m sticking around until the baby is born or until my mother or JP shows up.”

“If I get hungry, I’ll hit the gift shop and buy some candy bars,” he said, and seemed very self-satisfied over solving the major dilemma of lunch. I gave up on trying to relieve his boredom and picked up one of the magazines on the table. The choices were limited, so I settled on the April 1985 issue of Cosmopolitan. I chuckled as I read the article, “Who Says Commitment to a Man Must Be Total? Part-time Relationships Can Be More Fun.”

“What?” Robbie asked.

“I’m just reading Cosmo,” I said.

“Which article?” Robbie asked.

“Just started on ‘How to Dump a Man with Finesse’,” I said, winking at him.

“Very funny,” he said, and grabbed a Cosmo from the table next to him. His issue was from June, 1985. “I’m reading this one: ‘When He Doesn’t Want to – and You Do’.”

I laughed. “Yeah, like that’s a problem.” We spent the next hour reading excerpts of Cosmo articles to each other and laughing our asses off.

We were pulled from our happy banter when Jack’s mother arrived. Mrs. Hobart was like a caricature of a society matron, which made her charming to talk to, but she was also a pretty formidable woman. Jack had told me stories about how she’d tried to all but run his and Claire’s lives. I was trying to have fun chatting with her, while also worrying about the empty state of Robbie’s stomach, when my mother fortunately arrived. It took us a good thirty minutes to get her up to date on Claire's status before we could finally escape and go get lunch.

Robbie and I returned a little over an hour later to find things pretty much the same, with Mrs. Hobart and Mother chatting about a myriad of different topics, none of which interested me. I could sense Robbie trying to dream up an acceptable reason for us to leave again, but I frowned at him and he smartly said nothing. I was just about to resume my exploration of old Cosmo magazines when Jack came out, grinning from ear to ear.

“Jackson,” his mother said, as if to get his attention. “Are Claire and the baby alright?”

He seemed so happy he was almost euphoric. “Claire and the baby are doing great,” he said. “You have a new granddaughter.”

“A girl!” my mother exclaimed, and they all got excited about that. Our mothers opted to go see their new granddaughter through the glass, while I went with Jack to check on Claire. Robbie agreed to call Stefan, Greg, Tonto, and JP and let them know. He’d also have to call Escorial and update the staff.

I walked in and saw Claire lying on the bed looking remarkably well put together. “Congrats,” I said to her, then because I’m her brother, I decided to give her shit. “Doesn’t look like you even broke a sweat,” I teased, even as I gave her a hug.

“I took a little time to get myself together so I’d look decent for my mother-in-law,” she said, and rolled her eyes at Jack.

“You mean you delayed releasing the news of your childbirth so you could prepare to receive visitors?” I asked her in a snobby way. “That’s hardly proper.”

“Jack, can we make him leave?” she asked, making us laugh.

“So you have a girl,” I mused. “Are you going to be jealous when she turns out to be smarter and prettier than you?”

“If she does, she’ll be a freak of nature,” Jack said to Claire lovingly, which was really sweet.

“Well, I have to go meet my niece, and free up one of the visitor slots so you can meet with your mother-in-law and have her help you write the birth announcement for the register of the Junior League,” I told Claire.

“You do that,” she said.

“So what are you going to name her?” I asked. They’d been bouncing kids' names around for months now, but hadn’t settled on anything yet.

“We’re going to name her Marie, after Grandmaman,” Claire said.

“That’s really nice of you,” I said sincerely. It was an apt way to honor such an amazing woman. “It’s also the least you can do since she gave her diamond earrings to you instead of Vanessa.”

“You’re an ass, Bradley,” she said, making Jack and me laugh.

“I’m really happy you’re doing so well,” I said, and she got that I was done joking around and was being serious. I gave her another hug, then left her to face Mother and Mrs. Hobart.

I walked to the area in the maternity ward where you could look through the glass and see the babies. I looked around for the little tag that would tell me which one was Marie, and rolled my eyes at how I’d neglected to look at the front row, right in the center. Of course she would be there. She looked so helpless, I almost felt compelled to stand there and make sure nothing happened to her.

Now that I’d seen Claire and found out that both she and the baby were healthy, I was pretty much done being at the hospital. I tracked down Robbie and drove us back home, then made sure to call Ace and let him know. He’d started law school in Washington, so he was busy with that as well as with the latest woman he was dating, whoever that was. He didn’t answer the phone so I left him a message.

April 19, 1986

Escorial

Palo Alto, CA

There was a lot of activity going on inside but none of it involved me, so I was relaxing on the patio, enjoying the tranquility. Robbie and Frank had gone off to do something while everyone else was getting ready to welcome Claire and Marie home. I pulled out a joint and lit it just as JP came walking out of the house. I took a hit and handed it to him.

“My timing is serendipitous,” he said.

“Your lucky day,” I said, parroting the sentiment back to him.

“I am glad that you came up to spend the weekend,” JP said. “With you and Ace gone, this house seems so empty at times.”

I looked over his shoulder at the big, rambling home I'd grown up in. “Hard to imagine that it could ever fill up,” I said.

“It gets close during the holidays,” he said. “Perhaps that is why I love Thanksgiving and Christmas, because it draws everyone back here.”

“Makes sense,” I said, because those two holidays were big events here. “It will be really busy when Claire gets home.”

“Have you seen their new house?” he asked.

“I went down with Jack and looked at the construction site,” I answered. JP had given Claire and Jack five acres of land adjacent to Escorial, and they were in the process of building a house there. “He showed me the plans.”

“I am quite impressed with their architect,” he said. “He has designed a very modern home that seems to purposely mold itself to the surrounding landscape.”

“Lucky for you, it looks like it will take a while to finish,” I said. “That way Claire and Jack will still be around, and Marie will be here too.”

“Your mother loves babies, so that is an extra bonus for her,” he said, smiling warmly as he thought about Mother. “Marie certainly is beautiful.” I had a hard time seeing that in a newborn, but I kept my mouth shut.

“What did you expect from Jack and Claire?” I teased.

“I thought that was very nice of Claire and Jack to name her after my mother,” he said. “It was a nice gesture. My mother would have been honored.”

“I told Claire it was the least she could do after Grandmaman gave her those earrings that Vanessa was supposed to get,” I joked. He laughed with me. It was so great to see him in a good mood.

“So how are you doing?” he asked. “Family life is still good?”

I smiled. “It's really great. Not even having Tonto there screws it up,” I joked.

“It has been lonely here without her, but I understand she is planning to fly back up tonight with Stefan and Greg to meet Marie, then when the four of you go back in the evening, she is planning to stay here for a while,” he said, cluing me into their plans.

“We've gotten into a great routine. We have breakfast at our place, while lunches and dinners are at Stef's. It was strange at first, but now it seems totally normal,” I said. “I was a little nervous about bringing Jeanine into our relationship. I mean, three people can sometimes be difficult.”

“You're telling me?” he asked sarcastically. I laughed. “Do you have sex with her?”

I could have given him shit for asking that so bluntly, but I'd bugged him so much about his sex life that his question was reasonable. Besides, we were both high and he was being very open and relaxed. I cherished times like this. “No. We talked about it and decided that we needed to keep that off the table for now. Unless we want to have another kid or Jeanine can't find a girlfriend and gets really horny.” I paused. “How did you handle it with Mother?”

“It was a rare event for us to be that physically intimate. I love your mother dearly and we have had many great years together. We’ve had some great sex, but I wasn't the one who initiated it. I guess I'm too gay for that,” he said, and we laughed at that together.

“Who pushed you into a breeder experience?” I asked playfully.

“With Isidore, it was Jeff or Sam who initiated things,” he said, then his mood deflated as he thought back about them.

“You know, as soon as you mentioned Jeff and Sam, you got sad.”

He nodded, then looked pensive. “I had five major loves in my life before Mouse: Andre, Stefan, Jeff, Sam, and Roger,” he said. “I had a different relationship with each of them, which makes sense because they were such different men.”

“Tell me about them,” I prompted.

“Andre was the first man I fell in love with,” JP said wistfully. “Andre was straight, and I am confident that I am the only man he had sex with. In a way, that made it more special, that he loved me so much he managed to overcome the fact that I had a dick,” he said, making me giggle. “On the other hand, I am not sure that, if he had lived, we would have survived as a couple. I would have worried that ultimately he would have found a woman whom he found more attractive, and he would have craved the family she could have given him.”

“I don’t know about that,” I said. “You ended up with a good-sized family anyway.”

“This is true; although if Andre had lived, Ace would have been his son, rather than mine,” he said. “Which brings me to Stefan. We got together at a time when he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He was too unsettled and unsure of himself, having just gotten to the US, to risk the stigma of a gay relationship. The early 1960s was not the most gay-friendly era in history.”

“1986 isn’t all that great either,” I groused.

“It is not, but it is better,” he said. “Of all of the men I have been with, I have the deepest bond with Stefan. Some of that may be our family ties, but I think most of it comes from the total trust between us, and the way we almost always understand each other.”

“It’s kind of surprising that the two of you never ended up together,” I said.

“Part of that has been timing, in that it seemed as if when one of us was single, the other was in a relationship,” he said. “I think the other part is that we are both very content with how things are between us. There would be a risk that a change could jeopardize what we have.”

“Maybe you’ll get a chance someday,” I said, thinking that he’d make light of my comment, but he didn’t.

“Maybe,” he said. “Jeff is the one who has tortured me the most. When Jeff and I first became a couple, he was so young yet seemed to also be an old spirit. Robbie reminds me a lot of him, with the same stellar qualities: he was strong, solid, loving, kind, and supportive. Jeff was there for me through some of the toughest times in my life. I was devastated when narcotics consumed him and dominated his life, and during that time he betrayed my trust in an almost epic manner. At first I blamed him for his death, but I find that now I am more likely to point that finger at myself.”

“I mean, at what point do you give up on someone? How do you know when there is nothing more that you can do?” I asked.

“A good question, and if I had an exact answer, I would probably not feel guilty,” JP said. “With Jeff, I have agonized that I gave up on him too soon. I often wonder if, had I reached out to him, even when he was at his lowest ebb, and loved him, whether that would have saved him.”

“How will you find out if you’re right or not?” I asked. The question was rhetorical, telling him that he was wasting time on an unsolvable riddle, and he got that and just moved on.

“If Jeff was the man that I gave up on too soon, Sam was the man I did not give up on soon enough,” JP said. I remembered when they broke up when I was in high school, and I remembered his sharing how badly their relationship had decayed. “If I had ended things two years before I did, I would have saved myself a bunch of conflicts, and we both would have moved on as happier and better men.”

“How do you know when you’re in a bad relationship and it is time to end it?” I asked.

He smiled. “Much like your prior question, this one also does not have an easy answer. I think the standard answer is you should end it when you do not love each other, but I think that love and happiness in a relationship do not always correlate,” he said. When he was talking like this, he seemed like such a sage. “I think that it needs to end when both people are unhappy and there is no real hope of that changing. With Sam, I stopped confiding in him and sharing my thoughts, and when something exciting happened, I did not share it with him, or at least not until I told others. Those were the most glaring symptoms that should have opened my eyes.”

“When your partner is no longer the center of your world,” I said as I pondered that.

“Perhaps.” He didn’t go on and talk about Roger and Mouse, so I changed the subject.

“Does being around Marcel bother you?” As Marcel matured, he looked more and more like Jeff, even more so than Robbie. He looked at me oddly. “If you have residual issues with Jeff, I wondered if seeing Marcel would remind you too much of him.”

“I can see where for some people, that could be an issue, but it does not bother me,” he said. “Both Marcel and Robbie are different enough from Jeff to not make the similarities jarring, and I think that, despite my many other flaws, I do a good job of keeping them very separate in my mind.”

“I’m sure you do,” I joked, then laughed with him. That seemed to be my cue to light up another joint.

“Marcel is growing into a fine young man,” he said. “Perhaps it is all my years in academia, but I am instinctively drawn to very smart people, and probably because I am gay, I tend to be most fascinated by the younger male mind.”

“Because it is so fucked up?” I asked, making him laugh.

“No, because from a man’s later years in high school through his college years, it is as if he contorts himself and his mind, putting himself through the wringer, and when he comes out of it, he is often very different,” JP said philosophically. Clearly the pot was impacting him. “I find it intriguing to watch the changes, and one of the biggest rewards is being able to jump into that process from time to time and encourage him, and help him find his path.”

“I can see now why you think you let Jeff down,” I said, getting a horrified look from him. “You think you could have jumped in and helped him correct his path.”

“Maybe,” JP said. “In any event, that is why I enjoy Marcel so much. He is going through those changes now, and it is exciting to watch him focus on his future and to think of the man he will become.”

“Marcel really is a gem,” I agreed. “I was worried that he'd be lonely after Lou moved out, and that he would let that derail him. I was even more concerned that he’d be hurt when Lou hit the Hollywood celebrity scene,” I said with a grimace. “Stef told me that he’s got a reputation as the hottest top in town.”

“Let us hope he is careful,” JP said, referring to having safe sex.

“Lou promised Stef and me that he is,” I said. Both of us knew there wasn’t much we could do about that anyway.

“I do not see a relationship change or failure discouraging Marcel enough that he would give up on his goals,” JP noted.

“You’re right, and my worries turned out to be for nothing. I think Marcel was sad to lose Lou, but he’s stayed focused on school. His grades are fantastic,” I said. “Marcel and Stef are pretty tight, which isn't surprising since he's a lot like Stef.”

“He is,” JP said, chuckling. “They both have the same flirtatious personality, the same jovial nature, and the ability to jump in and make people laugh to cheer them up.”

“They do,” I agreed, then changed the subject. “Albert called me.”

“Albert?” he asked curiously.

“My Parisian lawyer,” I said.

“And what did he have to say?”

“It seems that they have a dilemma with Neil's case. Neither Jerry nor Cambronne has an alibi for the time of Neil's death, and each has accused the other of perpetrating the crime. He said there simply isn't enough evidence to convict anyone, so they're just dropping the case.” I didn't tell JP that Robbie had killed Neil. The only way that would get out was if Robbie said something, because I’d taken a personal vow of silence.

“It is probably as happy an ending as one could hope for to an unhappy episode,” JP said fatalistically. “Cambronne was drummed out of the Académie Française. The purpose of the Académie is to preserve the integrity of the French language; his input was from a historical perspective but they expelled him, nonetheless.”

“That probably really pissed him off,” I said, and was glad that it did. “Did that cost him his job?”

“While his membership in the Académie was not directly related to his academic appointment, it was a huge slap in the face,” JP said, cringing as he imagined how painful destruction of one’s reputation could be. “Worse than that, though, from Cambronne’s perspective, was his removal from the Louvre project.”

“He must have lost his mind when that happened,” I said, and laughed. JP smiled at me indulgently.

“So to answer your question, those two events make it almost certain that he will be pressured to resign his position at the University as well,” JP concluded. “It is a potent cocktail of failure for him, and it will be tough for him to swallow.”

I found that I didn't feel bad for him at all.

June 10, 1986

Malibu, CA

I picked up the paper and studied the front page. The Rogers Commission had just published their report on the Challenger disaster. A whole bunch of major fuck-ups had resulted in the failure of O rings, and that had caused the shuttle to explode. I shook my head in disgust that a faulty design in a simple little part had blown up the whole vehicle. It was almost too ridiculous to contemplate.

Stef came into the kitchen and he was so cheerful he was almost bouncing. “You are ready to go?” he asked, with just the slightest hint of nervousness in his voice.

“Greg is anxious?” I asked, guessing the reason for Stef’s hidden apprehensions.

“Of course. He is always impatient when we are going out on the boat.” Stefan, Greg, Robbie and I were getting ready to go on a nice two-day cruise. Jeanine was staying home with the kids. Her stomach was not handling pregnancy very well, and she wisely decided that a cruise on Greg's yacht was not the smartest move.

Robbie came rushing in, paranoid that he was late and that he’d end up pissing off his moody boss. Stef and I giggled. “You guys coming?” Greg yelled from the front door.

“On our way,” I said. I was about to walk out the door when the phone rang. I turned to answer it, but Robbie was behind me, so he opted to make grabbing the phone his mission.

“I'll be right there,” he said, and ran to answer the call. Stef and I sat in the limo with Greg, who fumed impatiently for the five minutes it took Robbie to finish the call then join us in the car.

“I don't know why we can't do anything on time,” Greg groused.

“And I do not understand why we have to be so uptight when we are off to do something fun. If we are ten minutes late, it will make no difference at all,” Stef responded in a matter-of-fact way. “I am hoping this little excursion will make you less crabby. Living with you has not been pleasant the past few months.”

Robbie told me that Greg had been laboring with a second problem film in a row, and it was really wearing on him. Greg glared at Stefan, who looked back at him calmly, impervious to the dirty look. Greg shook his head and sighed. Stefan grinned slightly. It was so funny how they knew each other so well, and they read each other like a book.

There was silence for a few minutes until Greg worked his way out of his bad mood and re-engaged with the three of us. “The weather is supposed to be great,” he said cheerfully. “Perfect conditions for sailing.”

We smiled back at him, trying to keep his new mood going. It was unnecessary, because as soon as we drove up to the dock and Greg saw his boat, his whole demeanor changed anyway. He went from being an uptight asshole to an affable host. We strolled aboard and cast off almost immediately, cruising by the other yachts as we crawled through the no-wake zone, placidly motoring out to sea.

We got past the marina and our speed picked up just a bit, with the boat heading slowly out of Marina del Rey. The whole scene was idyllic, with beautiful weather combined with gorgeous views and the invigorating ocean air. A tinge of sadness hit me, because it was impossible for me to board this yacht and not think of Armand and how we'd sailed out in these very same waters to spread his ashes over the waves.

One of the hunky crewmen came out with champagne in Baccarat flutes, the crystal shimmering in the bright sunlight, and handed one to each of us. “A toast,” Stefan said. “To a wonderful cruise.”

“Hear hear,” Greg said heartily, then we drank together.

“I’d like to make another toast,” Robbie said formally. I looked at him curiously.

“Then propose it,” Greg said. Stef and I looked at each other, wondering briefly who this entirely different person was that Greg had turned into.

“The phone call that I picked up just before we were leaving,” Robbie referenced, looking at me to make sure he had my full attention. “That was the laboratory. Both of our HIV tests were negative.”

I just stared at him, almost overwhelmed, then felt a huge grin erupt across my face. We'd been on edge for the past few months, waiting for six months to pass, hoping against hope that Robbie's episodes in the Paris prison hadn't left him with that plague. And now, all of that uncertainty, all of that fear, it was all behind us, this time for good.

I drank the contents of my champagne flute with one swallow and threw it behind me over the rail. Tossing away an expensive piece of Baccarat crystal was strangely rewarding. Robbie laughed at me and did the same thing with his glass, then I practically knocked him down with a hug. “That is great news,” I heard Stef say, but his voice seemed miles away, so focused was I on my partner.

I broke off our hug so I could gaze into Robbie’s captivating lavender eyes; I smiled at him, then kissed him, then smiled at him again. “I love you,” I told him.

“I love you too,” he said. “And with the threat of HIV behind me, I’m not only going to love you, I’m going to do it for a really long time.”

I laughed at that, then I took his hand and started pulling him, basically dragging him back to our cabin, pausing to look back briefly. “We'll be back in a while,” I said to Stef and Greg. Stef just giggled. We stood in our cabin, staring at each other, our eyes locked, while we undressed, tossing our clothes aside in a deliberately careless fashion. His eyes were filled with the same thing mine were: love, clouded with lust.

I lay down on the bed, spread-eagled, offering myself to him. He moved forward slowly, running his hand up my leg, over my hard dick, and up my abdomen and chest to my face. He stroked my face gently as he leaned in to kiss me, lowering his body onto mine at the same time. Then he started thrusting against me, our bodies writhing against each other, with me alternately putting my feet flat on the bed to push harder against him, or just wrapping my legs around him and pulling his sexy body into me.

He grabbed the lube and I felt his fingers probe my hole. I pulled my legs back to give him total access. “I want to feel your skin against mine,” he said in that deep, seductive voice of his. He took my hand and guided it to his cock. I stroked it gently, making him moan. “That's what you're gonna feel inside you. Just my cock, just me.” And then he entered me.

His thrusts were slow, then fast, and then slow again. The sensations, his dick hitting my prostate, his body grinding against my dick, his mouth on my neck, his words, telling me he loved me over and over again: a total expression of love and joy. I tossed my head back and ran my fingers through his hair, pulling his mouth into my neck, surrendering completely to him. I felt myself getting close, felt my orgasm start to build, and then he was out of me, off of me, and lying next to me.

Now his kisses were gentle and loving, his touches soft, all trying to keep me keyed up yet cool me down at the same time. “My turn,” he whispered into my ear. I gave him an evil smile and rolled over, pushing him onto his back with me on top. I lubed up my own dick and slid right into his willing hole.

“Oh yeah, baby, that's what I like, I love feeling you inside me, just you,” he moaned loudly.

“I can't last,” I said to him urgently. “You made me too hot.”

“Me either, baby!” he said, almost a cry.

“I'm gonna fill your ass up,” I said, talking in my dirty, sultry voice, determined to send him over the edge first. “I've got a big load and I'm gonna shoot it inside you. You're gonna feel me dripping out of you all day long!”

That did it, and with a loud yell he started exploding. Without missing a beat I pulled back so I was kneeling and fucking him at the same time, watching him shoot his load all over his chest. I started pounding him as I came, driving his orgasm on and on and on. When we were spent I collapsed on top of him, his cum sealing us together, my dick still lodged in his ass as it slowly softened and popped out.

“I love you so much,” he said to me as he stroked my hair. “All the bad shit, all the other people, all of that is in the past. From now on, it's just you and me. You're all I’ll ever need.”

I looked up at him smiling, my heart bursting with joy at his words. “You and me, together forever,” I said.