Man In Motion - 25. Careers

January 13, 1986

Malibu, CA

This was my first day of work and I was nervous, even though I was working for the man who was like a father to me and even though my commute entailed opening the new door in my house, walking a few paces through an enclosed walkway, and opening the new door into his house. Despite that, I still had butterflies in my stomach.

I walked down the stairs and was surprised to find Greg waiting for me in my living room. “Morning,” he said grumpily. “Is Robbie awake?”

“I don't know,” I said, worried that he’d done something to piss Greg off. “Why?”

“I want to talk to him,” Greg demanded in his severe work voice.

“I'll go get him,” I said, retracing my steps and bolting back up the stairs. I found Robbie sound asleep, lying on his back, his hard dick poking up and tenting the sheet. I took a second to tap it a few times to make it bounce back and forth, but that annoyed him so he rolled over on his side. “Wake up!” I said, shaking him now.

“What the fuck?” he asked, and blinked at me.

“Greg wants to talk to you,” I said.

“What about?” he asked as he wiped the sleep out of his eyes.

“How the fuck should I know?” I said. “He's in one of his cranky moods, so hurry up.” Greg was usually a nice guy, but he could also be a complete asshole, and he absolutely detested waiting.

“Fine,” he said, and jumped out of bed. I heard the shower running before I walked out of the bedroom.

I found Greg standing in basically the same spot where I’d left him, looking impatient. “He was in the shower. He'll be down in a few minutes,” I said. “Did you eat breakfast yet?”

“No,” he grumbled and followed me into their kitchen.

“Then you should do that,” I said in a perky way, getting a dirty look for my efforts.

“I've only got about 20 minutes,” he said, sounding very irritated.

“Then you should eat fast,” I said with a smile, trying to work him out of his bad mood, but it didn’t work. “What's bothering you?”

“None of your goddamn business,” he said. I just stared at him intently, letting him see how much he’d annoyed me. I knew how to deal with Greg better than anyone except Stefan, and maybe Max's mother. I kept my eyes locked on him until he finally relented. “Sorry. I didn't mean to take my troubles out on you.”

“Tell me about these troubles,” I said, and handed him some toast.

“I'm working on this movie and it's becoming a disaster,” he said, shaking his head in frustration. “I always get pissed off when that happens, because when movies go off the rails, it means I’ve failed. Worse than that, it means I have a really tough decision to make. I either have to write off the money I’ve already sunk into it, or I have to pour more money into it. Then the other people who invested in it with me will be a royal pain in the ass, and I’ll have to expend extra energy trying not to kick their asses.” I laughed at that, and he ultimately saw the humor in his own words.

“At times like this you should remember all the successes,” I said sincerely. “You aren't the hottest producer in town for nothing.”

He smiled at me. “Yeah, but this is a mercurial town. One minute you're up, the next you're down.”

“Right,” I said, rolling my eyes at him. “That's why you've been up for 15 years straight.”

Robbie came bursting in, looking pretty good for only being up for ten minutes. “You wanted to see me?” he asked.

“You need a job, and I need some help,” Greg said. “Let's go.” I almost laughed out loud at what must be the world’s fastest hiring process.

“Sure,” Robbie said. “What do you want me to do?”

“Don't worry; you get to keep your pants on,” Greg said, cracking Robbie and me up. “You're an engineer and you studied architecture, while I've got a movie that's busting my budget. I want you to look at the sets with me and help me think of a way to do it cheaper.”

“I am all over that,” Robbie said enthusiastically. He dutifully followed Greg out to his car, and as soon as they were gone, Stef came wandering in.

“So you were staying out of sight so you couldn't be blamed for setting this whole thing up?” I accused, just so he’d know he wasn’t convincing me with his act.

He gave me his impish grin. “I have spent my whole life trying to spot talent, for varying purposes,” he said, making me laugh. “This seemed like a match made in heaven.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Robbie would have gotten bored hanging around the house.”

“It is as much a gift for Greg. He has been grumpy because he is trying to do too much, and he needs some help, some young blood.” I nodded. “Now he has it.”

“Robbie’s been a little uptight because I’ve been spending money on him,” I grumbled. “He complains he’s a kept man. So I’m hoping that now that he has a job, he won’t let it bother him so much.”

“Let us hope,” Stef said, “Now let's get to work.”

“Kick-ass,” I said, making him giggle.

“You are going to have a lot of responsibilities, especially when the children move here. I want you to be happy, and that means you must learn to balance time for work, time for yourself, time for Robbie, and time for your family,” he said.

“I’d like it if I was happy too,” I said, making him giggle.

“Some people have to work from nine to five every day. You do not have to do that. When you work with me, your hours will be more flexible, you will learn more, and I will get to spend more time with you,” he said. “Despite the reduced number of hours we work, you will be amazed at how productive we can be. I will show you how to work smart and how to evaluate things quickly and effectively so you do not have to work yourself to death.”

“Thanks, Stef,” I said. “That sounds awesome, and I'm looking forward to it, but more than that, I’m looking forward to spending more time with you.”

“I am glad,” he said, then dove right into the latest issues on our agenda. Working with Stef was awesome, better than I imagined it would be. Probably the coolest thing was seeing the change in him when he focused on commerce. He shed his foppish, flaming persona and became a hard-core businessman. I’d always envisioned that he’d be a soft touch and vulnerable to the sob stories or the glorified marketing brochures, but I was completely wrong about that. Instead, I found him to be shrewd and direct. There were a couple of deals that the analysts at Carruthers & Schluter thought were borderline, so his partner, Luke Carruthers, forwarded them on to Stef to make the ultimate decision on whether to fund them. It was obvious that Luke wanted to pass based solely on the numbers. While Stef factored those in, he also showed me the other important things to look for, but in the end, he agreed with Luke and decided not to fund them.

He moved really fast, and I had to work to keep up with him, but I loved the challenge. After we’d looked at the deals Luke had sent him, we switched gears and tackled some real estate opportunities. Time flew by, so I blinked in surprise and sat there not a little dazed when Stef told me we were done for the day.

He stared at me quizzically. “You seem tired,” he observed.

“Keeping up with you could wear a person out,” I said. “I think my mind is just trying to comprehend all the stuff we covered.”

“It has been an enjoyable morning for me because of how quickly you catch on and how enjoyable it is to work with you,” he said, making me smile.

“You amaze me,” I said, shaking my head in disbelief at how skilled he was. “I've never seen this side of you. You are incredible.”

He got a big grin. “I am a businessman. I am a lover. I am a surrogate father. I am a partner. I keep all of these roles separate.”

“You have a mind that is sharp as a tack; you are so fast to grasp and evaluate things, and you make decisions based mostly but not entirely on facts,” I said. It was rewarding to see how broadly he smiled. “It's pretty hot. Makes me want to fuck you.” That got a laugh and a big hug from him.

“Thank you,” he said sincerely. “For years I was irritated by the lack of respect I got from our family. They treated me like I was weak, like I had to be protected, and that really pissed me off. I have built an empire and am richer than all of the rest of them combined, but they act as if I cannot make big decisions.” He didn’t say it, but I knew that the ‘they’ he was referring to was JP. “Perhaps I did not let them see that side of me,” he mused.

“You have now, and I’m impressed,” I said. “I think you’re incredible.”

“You say that, but it saddens me that you do not trust me enough to tell me who JJ's father is,” he said sadly.

He’d totally sucked the happiness out of our moment with that statement, and I could tell he regretted it, but my mind was too busy grappling with what he’d said. Stef had never done anything to make me doubt him or think that he did not have my best interests at heart. He had always supported me and nurtured me, and he had been and continued to be one of the most important rocks in my life. There was absolutely no reason for me to not trust him completely. I held up my right thumb and he understood immediately what I meant: this was our blood brother sign. I was forcing him to promise me that he would say nothing, on pain of death. He pressed his thumb against mine. “JJ’s father is Jim.”

“Jim who?” he asked curiously.

“Jim Crampton. Uncle Jim. That Jim,” I said bitterly. “He meets Bitty once a week at a hotel, they fuck, and he slips her some cash.” He just stared at me. “Now do you see why she doesn't want anyone to know, and why I have refused to tell anyone?”

“But you told JP and not me,” he said bitterly.

“Yes. I did. I underestimated you, as everyone else has. I'm sorry about that, Stef. Working with you has shown me how stupid that was. It won't happen again.” He looked at me, surprised. He had been expecting me to defend myself, not apologize. “Will you forgive me?” I was almost pleading, prostrating myself before him.

“Of course,” he said, smiling.

January 14, 1986

Malibu, CA

I rolled over after hitting the snooze button and almost rolled right on top of Robbie. He was out cold so he didn’t even seem to notice how I’d jostled him. I'd stayed up until midnight waiting for him to come home, but when he didn't show, I’d gotten worried about him. I’d been somewhat relieved when I saw that Greg was gone too, but I’d still gone next door to check in with Stef. He had fortunately been awake, and he had reassured me that Greg worked really late when a movie was in trouble and there was nothing to worry about. With those bonafides, I’d gone back to bed and slept soundly.

I smiled as I moved down in the bed, following his body, until I got to his half-hard cock. I enveloped him in my mouth, chuckling to myself as he slept while I gently blew him, getting him really hard and riled up. I felt his hand on my head, gently caressing my hair as I bobbed up and down on his cock, so I began to slide my finger from his balls down to his asshole and then back up again. He willingly spread his legs, giving me easy access, so I licked my finger, using my spit for lube, and pushed into him, finding his prostate to hypercharge his orgasm.

“Gonna cum, baby,” he said. His deep voice was such an aphrodisiac. I took him as deep as I could and felt the head of his dick swell as he began to shoot. I milked out every drop of his massive load with my throat muscles until he was spent. “Wow. What a great way to wake up,” he said.

“Did you have a good day yesterday?” I asked as I moved up next to him.

“Yeah, it was great,” he said, then shook his head. “Man, Greg sure works his ass off.”

“What did you do?”

He smiled. “Probably the same kind of stuff you're doing for Stef. It started out with me studying set construction, and the next thing I knew it ballooned into pretty much anything and everything.” He paused. “I'm sorry I was home so late.”

I laughed. “It's fine with me, as long as you enjoy it.” He grinned and led me to the shower where he gave me one awesome hand job.

Robbie left and took his truck so he could lug shit around, while I went over to work with Stef. He was already up and eating breakfast. “Good morning!” he said. “I have a busy morning planned for us. We have a new business plan to go through, and if we can figure out a way to structure it, I want to go meet with them tomorrow.”

“What makes this one so special?” I asked.

“It is some sort of computer device that is supposed to make storage a lot cheaper, whatever that means,” he said. Stef could see the usefulness of new technology, but he didn’t always understand the details.

I browsed through the summary page. “If they can pull this off, they can double storage capacity with their new hard drives,” I said. “This is a big deal.”

“That may be, but the problem is with their profitability numbers. It will be years before they make any money.” His comment prompted us to start perusing their financials. We wrestled with their projections for a couple of hours until it almost seemed hopeless, then we finally found a possible solution.

“Stef, look at this,” I said excitedly. “A huge part of their cost is in rent. Couldn't we use one of our buildings and structure a deal to give them some more breaks on the front end?”

He looked at the numbers, and then smiled at me. “That is an excellent idea!” he said, beaming with pride. “They need about 14,000 square feet. We have about 15,000 square feet that are vacant in the Homestead Building in Sunnyvale. It’s a white elephant. We could cut them one hell of a deal.”

“That’s awesome, because it’s only three miles from where they’re at now,” I said. I was absolutely stoked about this, not only because it was a great solution, but because of the rush I’d gotten from solving the problem.

Stef paused and looked at me, as if reevaluating me. “I think you are getting the hang of this. We will go up to the Bay Area tomorrow morning. I will introduce you to Luke and you can see the operation there, and then we will consult with the real estate division. After that, we can meet with the owners of this company, have dinner with your parents and Tonto, and still get home before Greg and Robbie.”

“We’ll get back here pretty late,” I noted. “Does Greg work hours like this all the time?”

“No, only when a movie is really fucked up,” he said, telling me what I already knew. I wasn’t thinking of right now, I was thinking longer term. He seemed to get that. “What he will do is focus almost completely on fixing things, to the point where he is almost obsessed, and then once everything is resolved, he will take a couple of days off and maybe go for a cruise on his boat.”

“Do you usually go with him?” I asked.

“When Greg takes a break, I usually take a break,” he said. “It will probably work the same way with you and Robbie.”

“That’s good,” I said, since it would be nice to enjoy time off with him.

“They are more intense, while we are much lazier,” he joked. “In fact, I think we have done enough this morning. I have a lunch date with a friend, so you can have some surf time this afternoon.”

“Awesome,” I said. What a great job!

January 15, 1986

Los Altos, CA

The limo was taking Luke, Stef and me from our meeting in Sunnyvale to our company’s headquarters in Los Altos Hills. We’d managed to work out the deal with that firm as Stef and I had discussed, and they’d been ecstatic. “You did a really good job on this deal,” Luke said to Stef. God, he was hunky. If I weren’t with Robbie, and this guy weren’t straight, I'd jump in bed with him so fast!

“Well actually it was Bradley who figured it all out,” Stef said. Luke looked at me as if trying to size me up.

“And if the numbers and preliminaries weren't done so well, we'd have never been able to find the solution,” I said diplomatically, tossing the credit back to Luke. He raised his eyebrow in a seductive way that sent my hormones surging. I'd have to control myself around him.

“It takes a team,” he said. His eyes looked at me in a more considered way, almost as if he were checking me out. I felt my dick hardening, and willed it to go down. I managed to mostly accomplish that by the time the limo pulled up to the offices and Luke got out, shaking our hands, and letting his fingers brush slightly across my palm. Luke went inside, while Stef and I got back in the limo for the brief ride to Escorial.

“You can put your eyes back in your head,” Stef teased as we drove away.

“That dude is really sexy,” I said emphatically, making Stef laugh.

“He is,” Stef said. “He is also a very good lover, the first time you have sex with him.”

“Wait a minute,” I said. “I thought he was straight?”

“He is straight, but he is horny like most men. He says the only thing he hates about men is their hairy asses.” We laughed at that. “When he has sex with a man he does it like he's fucking a woman.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” I asked.

“You must understand that Luke is very organized, an anal-retentive type,” he said. “That is why we make such a good team. He's the detail guy; I'm the big picture person. He trusts his numbers; I trust my instincts.”

“So how does that make him a crappy lover?” I asked.

“He is not a crappy lover,” Stef said, objecting to my use of the word ‘crappy’. “He plays with your chest just as he would a woman, then probes your ass in the same way he would penetrate a vagina. He will fuck you like you’re a woman, and he will not let himself cum until you do.”

“That sounds like fun,” I said, my dick getting even harder. “What’s wrong with that?”

“There is nothing wrong with that, only he fucks the same way every time,” he said, then sensed he needed to explain that more fully. “It is very routine, so you could come in at any given time during his fucking process and know exactly what had happened and what is going to come next.”

“I can see how that would make it pretty boring, pretty fast,” I said, and got disappointed until I remembered that I wasn’t going to fuck him anyway. “I guess having sex with him isn’t worth pissing off my partner,” I joked

“I have learned that nothing is worth doing that,” Stef said. “And so has Greg.”

The car pulled up to Escorial about an hour before dinner. We got friendly greetings from everyone, and that was nice, only that meant it took me at least fifteen minutes before I could drag Mouse off and talk to him alone. I was dying to know if he’d managed to talk JP into trying to fist him again.

“So did you do it?” I asked.

“Yeah. We tried again and it worked.” Based on his tone, he clearly didn’t have as much fun as Robbie did.

“How was it?” I asked.

“It was fun and really intense,” Mouse said, and got a little wistful. “I didn't cum like Robbie did, but I came really hard.”

“So are you going to do it again?”

He smiled and shook his head. “It was fun to try, and it was good, but I'd rather just get fucked. Besides, you scared me. I'm worried that my ass will get all loose.”

“And?” There was something he wasn't telling me.

He sighed. “I don't think JP enjoyed it. I think he was humoring me,” Mouse said. “It was so sweet of him to push his boundaries for me.”

“Kind of exciting to do that,” I said, referring to pushing limits.

“It is, and if fisting were a huge deal to me, I'd ask him to do it, and he'd be right there for me. But since we both enjoy fucking more, it makes no sense.” I nodded. That's where Robbie and I were, when he was feeling good. “On the other hand, if I had orgasms like Robbie did, I'd be bugging JP to do it all the time.”

I smiled and wandered back to my room for a few minutes of solitude, with Mouse’s words haunting me. Mouse had said that if he got off as much as Robbie did, he’d want JP to do it a lot. Why didn’t I approach it the same way with Robbie? Robbie liked having his ass played with. It really got him fired up, and like Mouse implied, it was something that I should be willing to do to give him such amazing orgasms. I’d viewed fisting and ass play almost as an obligation, when in reality it was a huge gift. I couldn’t imagine anyone losing it like he did when I played with his prostate. What a cool thing to do for him, to be able to take him to another planet. As I thought about it more, I realized that it wasn’t only a cool thing for him, it was cool for me too. I had totally ignored the rush I got from making him so happy, and the pride I took in being a good lover. I resolved to give him one big fucking orgasm when I got home that night.

I went down to dinner and forced myself to have a good time, while internally I was focused on getting back to Malibu and sticking my hand, or at least parts of it, up Robbie’s ass. “I think I might come back with you for a while,” Tonto said as we were getting ready to leave. “I want to see this new house of yours, and it's boring as hell around here.”

I saw Stefan remain impassive because Tonto wasn't the easiest house guest. “That would be wonderful! I assume you have already packed?”

“Of course I have,” she said. “If I didn't, you'd use that as an excuse not to take me.”

“It would have been a convenient loophole,” Stef teased. Having Tonto along slowed us down, but I made sure not to act exasperated by it. We didn't get back to Van Nuys until 11pm, so by the time we made it to Malibu it was after 11:30. I let Stef worry about getting Tonto situated and ran next door, so excited to find Robbie.

I got to the bedroom and it was pitch black so I flipped on the light. Robbie was lying in bed, with the covers pulled up to just above his navel, with his naked chest exposed. Marcel was lying on top of him, in my favorite position, with his head pillowed by Robbie’s cushy body. The contrast between them made me want to pull out a sketching pad. Marcel's back was bare, with his young skin and almost hairless body contrasting with Robbie’s much more masculine form, with a dusting of hair on his chest. My mind stopped pondering the beauty of these two gorgeous male specimens, when the implications of finding the two of them in bed together hit me. The devastation of catching them sent my mind off like an explosion, going from calmness to outrage at a record speed. I’d thought Robbie and I had a commitment. Wasn’t that what we’d agreed to in Paris? So I’d been a good little drone, being totally celibate, while there were no rules for him? Shit, if he was going to fuck around, I could have some fun with Luke. No way was I going to be the guy hanging out at home, loyal and faithful, while my boyfriend was fucking other guys. I just stood there, sad and furious, letting my anger grow and grow until I felt like throwing something. Just before I completely lost it, the bright light woke Robbie up.

“Hey baby,” he said, moving himself away from Marcel and getting up to give me a big hug. He was wearing boxers. I just stared at him, damning myself for not trusting him and for letting my mind go off on a rampage without giving him the benefit of the doubt, until I manfully started to get my shit together. “Did you have fun in Paly?”

I gave him a big hug and kissed him, feeling positively hypocritical for pretending I hadn’t been ready to eviscerate him a few seconds ago. “I did, but I'm glad to be back. So what's Marcel doing here cock blocking me?” I teased. Inside my emotions were trying to calm down, with my mind waiting for them to stabilize so I could continue to flay myself alive for not trusting him.

“He’d had a tough day at school and asked if he could sleep with me,” he said, then smirked at me, guessing that this whole thing had freaked me out. “I made him put pants on. I love you, baby, but if we were both naked it would be really hard to resist him.” I kissed him passionately.

Marcel woke up and yawned, then saw me and hopped out of bed. “I could not seduce your man,” he said playfully.

“Resisting you must have taken all of his willpower,” I said with a smile. “Now off to bed with you.”

“So you can fuck?” he teased.

“Yeah. So we can fuck.” I pushed him out the door, shut it, and locked it behind him. Robbie already had his underwear off by the time I got back, with his cock already hard as a rock.

We were too tired for me to use my fingers on his prostate like I’d planned, but I fucked him. He'd gotten away from rough sex lately; he'd been into making love and so had I. Tonight I wanted to really get him off, so I fucked him long and hard, and his huge orgasm was a bigger reward to me than my own, and that, I decided, was as it should be.

January 28, 1986

Malibu, CA

I sat in Stef's kitchen watching the television, with the volume on really low because I was fighting a major hangover. We’d celebrated a bit too intensely for the Super Bowl Sunday night, where the Chicago Bears had slaughtered the New England Patriots 46-10, then followed that up with a party last night. I briefly thought back to the Super Bowl a year ago, when I’d flown out to see it in California with Ace, Robbie, and Neil, and pondered how much my life had changed in just a year. My head throbbed a bit, so I took another Tylenol. It would have been so much nicer if they had scheduled the Super Bowl a week earlier, then we would have had Monday, January 20th off to celebrate.

January 20, 1986 had been an exciting day because it was the first time we’d celebrated Martin Luther King Day as a federal holiday. Of course, it seemed like for any good thing that happened, there had to be some shit to go with it. Carruthers & Schluter had lost one of their better analysts when he’d made a racist remark about it in front of some other employees. After Luke called Stef to fill him in, he’d set up a meeting with the bigoted asshole. The meeting hadn’t gone well, and Luke’s severe talk had annoyed the guy enough that he’d used the “n” word, then he’d quit. The thought of that drama made my headache even worse.

I glanced up at the television and saw that there was some activity at Cape Canaveral and remembered hearing that there was a space shuttle launch today. That was exciting enough to make me risk some additional discomfort by turning up the volume on the television. I thought it was incredible that the US had developed these space shuttles to go up into space and do shit, then chided myself for not paying more attention to the actual shit they did. I frowned when I realized that the only part of the shuttle program I paid attention to was this part, where they launched them. I loved to watch them blast these things into space: it reminded me of an orgasm, I thought, making myself laugh. Today they were sending the Challenger up, and this mission had gotten some good media coverage because a New Hampshire school teacher, a woman named Christa McAuliffe, was on board. That was a pretty cool gig for a school teacher.

The time on the television showed that it was 8:35am when the ignition started, a dull rumbling that was followed by the blast of the engines. Slowly the shuttle began to lift off and gain speed, using the amazing thrust of the rockets to free itself from the ground. It looked like it was damn near crawling as it began to rise into the sky, but it was probably going a lot faster than that. I smiled at how cool this was, and felt real pride in my country for putting the resources into making this kind of space exploration possible.

I stirred my tea then took a drink while I listened to the announcers ramble on about the shuttle and its mission. No one else was around yet, probably because they were more hungover than I was. We’d had a massive Super Bowl party on Sunday, and with both of our houses linked, Stef had taken that opportunity to invite what seemed like half of Hollywood to come over and watch the game. The crowd was a lot of fun, because even though there were a good number of actors and celebrities, at least half of the attendees had been the people behind the scenes.

We probably could have recovered gamely from that, but then, despite our better judgment, we'd decided to host a dinner party last night for Lou and his agent. The objective of that soiree was to get an update and find out how things were going, and to make sure his career was on track and that he wasn’t being forced to become a whore. That party had involved even more heavy drinking. The good news was that Lou was getting lots of work and he really seemed to like it. The bad news was that the dinner party had amplified my already hellacious hangover, and the others were doing even worse, which was the reason I was alone in the kitchen this morning.

“We have liftoff, liftoff of the 25th Space Shuttle Mission and it has cleared the tower,” the announcer said jubilantly and loudly. I fumbled with the remote control to lower the volume until that idiot stopped talking. I watched as the shuttle surged into the sky, trailing smoke and flames from its thrusters. Fortunately the announcer was replaced by NASA guys, who chirped away, giving us updates. “Challenger Roll program,” someone said in an officious voice, then there were a bunch of comments about the throttle levels and engine levels. I watched it thrust into the sky, blasting away, such force, such raw beauty.

Everything had been pretty much like all the other launches I’d seen, and then something went wrong, or at least it seemed to. Suddenly there were plumes of smoke, not explosions, but plumes of smoke, going in a zigzag pattern. I thought for a second that maybe this was some new twist, that they’d made improvements in the launch sequence, but then another trail of smoke went off in an altogether different direction. I stared at the television in complete shock, wondering what the fuck had happened. “Flight controllers here are looking at the situation. Obviously a major malfunction,” a NASA person said. No shit.

I was stunned, unable to move, as I watched pieces of the shuttle fall from the sky. I saw that there were no parachutes, and I thought about that poor school teacher, who had been given such an honor, only that honor had resulted in her death. “We have word from the dynamics officer that the vehicle has exploded,” the television said. I sat there, my mouth open in shock and horror. Challenger had blown up.

I could not move, all I could do was stare at the television and listen to people talk about what had happened, and watch reruns of that terrible flight. I thought ruefully about how proud I’d been of our vaunted shuttle program, how I’d felt proud to be an American as this craft had blazed new trails, only to shake my head in sadness at a mission gone completely wrong. Stef breezed into the room, smiling and looking chipper. “Good morning,” he said cheerfully. When I didn’t respond and he saw my expression, he tensed up and his expression got more somber. “What is wrong?”

“The Challenger just exploded,” I managed to mumble, and gestured at the television.

“Challenger?” Stef asked.

“The space shuttle. It blew up on launch.” He sat down next to me, as stunned as I was, and watched the replay. I felt tears in my eyes, and saw him crying too. I moved over and put my arm around him, the two of us transfixed on the television.

Greg came in, looking tired, gruff, and pissed off. “Where's Robbie?” he demanded. I was in no mood to deal with his tired, cranky, hungover ass and neither was Stef, so we ignored him. He finally got a clue and stared at the television. “What's going on?”

“Morning,” Robbie said calmly as he came in right after Greg did, then he froze at the scene in front of him.

“The Challenger, the space shuttle, just exploded,” I told them. “There can’t be any survivors.”

“No one bailed out?” Robbie asked.

“They were being thrust into the sky by thousands of gallons of rocket fuel when it blew up, so how the fuck were they supposed to bail out in the middle of that kind of explosion?” I snapped. I apologized with my eyes, and he just nodded somberly to acknowledge my look and to tell me he understood why I’d been such a dick.

I didn’t really know what to do, but eventually Robbie and Greg maneuvered us into the front room and flipped on the huge television, the one we’d all been cheering around two days ago for the Super Bowl. Robbie and I sprawled on one couch, with me lying against his chest, his arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. I drew strength from him as we sat there for at least an hour, watching the news until we could take no more.

“I’m sorry, but I need to go,” Greg said. He spoke in a very sensitive way because he was nervous about how to extricate himself from this situation.

“So do I,” Robbie said. The two of them shuffled out of the room, leaving Stef and me still sad and dumbfounded.

“I am going to go do some shopping to try and cheer up,” Stef said. “That means you have the day off.”

“Thanks,” I said, but it was hard to be happy about anything at this point. He left and I decided to go back to my favorite milieu: the ocean. I went down to the surf room, put on my wetsuit, grabbed my board, and walked steadily to the water. It was weird, because normally the waves would beat the shit out of me as I went through the shore break, but today it was as if they parted and let me pass.

The surf was mediocre, as if the ocean itself was in mourning. I caught a few decent waves, but spent most of my time just waiting in the water for the surf to pick up. As I did, I pondered that, in addition to swimming with my biological father, my adoptive father, and Armand, I was sharing the water with the crew of the Challenger, seven people who had just fallen from the sky.

February 19, 1986

Malibu, CA

I sat in Stef's kitchen reading the paper. Stef preferred to watch CNN, but I enjoyed the paper more, where I could skim through and pick out the things I wanted to read and ignore those I didn’t, as opposed to having some loud reporter determine what stories I would consume. The big news was that the Soviets had just successfully launched a space station they’d named Mir, whatever the fuck that meant. They were ranting about how awesome that was, and about the power of Communism, while our space shuttle had just exploded in the fucking sky. This whole situation did not make us look very superpowerly. “Good morning,” Stef said, as he entered the kitchen.

“Hey Stef!” I said cheerfully.

“Before we go over those papers, Jeanine asked that you call her,” he said. He seemed apprehensive, and that made me nervous.

“Is something wrong?” I asked, then almost panicked, worried that something had happened to JJ. He’d seemed so weak and frail. “Is JJ alright?”

“He is fine, and from what I hear he seems happy and no worse for the wear of having to endure his early life in Bitty's womb,” Stef said. I chuckled at that, but there was more going on here. I was too good at reading him for him to keep secrets from me.

“What are you not telling me?” I demanded.

“It would be better if Jeanine explains it to you,” he said, admitting there was indeed an issue. I was going to press him on it, but he seemed irritated as it was.

I picked up the phone and dialed Grandmaman's house, and was kind of surprised that Jeanine answered the phone herself. She must have been waiting for my call, which made me even more uptight about this conversation. “Hey there,” I said, forcing myself to be upbeat. “It’s Brad. Stef said you wanted me to call.”

“Thanks,” she said. “I've been avoiding this conversation but Marie and Stefan finally insisted that I call and tell you.” It almost seemed like she was crying, which blew my mind, but I was starting to get annoyed that there was this big secret and no one would tell me what it was.

“Tell me what?” I asked.

“I'm pregnant,” she said. I heard her voice crack.

“You’re pregnant?” I asked stupidly, but only because I was grappling with her news.

“Yes,” she said, and I could tell now that she was crying. “I was going to, or I was thinking about terminating the pregnancy, but I can't do it.” She stopped talking for a bit, then I heard a full sob. “Brad, I can't kill this baby.”

I was trying to figure out a way to ask her if the baby was mine without calling her a slut, but I’d probably fuck that up worse than just by being direct. “Am I the father?”

“What part of me being a lesbian did you not understand?” she asked loudly. “Do you think I've slept with every guy in town?"

“No, that’s Bitty,” I joked, trying to calm her down.

“That is really insulting,” she shouted, enough to hurt my ear.

“Jeanine, please be civil,” I said severely. Yelling wasn't tolerated at Escorial, for the most part, and it was a good policy. “I don't think you've been with a bunch of guys, but I'm not there. Think about it, we only talk about once a week, and while I enjoy our conversations, we don’t usually get into a discussion about who you’re with.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, sighing. “You are the father.” She said that really definitively as if she was challenging me not to believe her, but I had no reason to doubt her.

“How long have you known you were pregnant?” I asked.

She hesitated. “I've suspected for a while, but I just found out for sure last week.”

“Why did you wait until now to tell me?”

She sobbed. “I wasn't sure if I was going to keep it.”

“You mean you were going to get an abortion and not even talk to me about it first?” I demanded. “You find me so repulsive that you don't want to have my baby?”

“No, that’s not it,” she said, and started crying harder. I felt a hand hit my head and turned to find Stefan glaring at me.

“Can you hang on for a minute?” I asked, then covered the mouthpiece without waiting for a response. I turned to Stef, annoyed by this whole situation and really annoyed that he’d smacked me. “What?”

“Show some compassion,” he said, using his business voice, not his normal tone. “You are grilling this poor woman when she is vulnerable. She wants you to tell her that you want the baby and that you will help her raise it. Instead of doing that, you just bitch at her about when she told you she was pregnant.” He was really pissed at me, so much so that I couldn’t remember when he’d ever been mad at me like this. But I was pissed off at him too, really mad at him for keeping this from me.

“If you had told me what was going on instead of keeping it from me, I would have handled this better,” I snapped at him, my voice so intense it was the equivalent of slapping him. I turned my back on him and focused on Jeanine. “Jeanine? I'm sorry, I had to answer a question.”

“That’s fine,” she said, but her voice cracked like she was still crying.

“I’m sorry if I freaked out on you,” I said soothingly. “I don’t always do real well when things are dropped on me all of a sudden.” I glared at Stef when I said that, and his guilty look started to improve my mood.

“I understand,” she said. “I don’t like that either.”

She was mellowing now, and I smiled, because that meant we could have a conversation and not an argument. “I guess the thing that surprised me the most is that you seem really upset about this, while I’m damn near jumping for joy.”

“You are?” she asked.

“I am,” I vowed. “After getting to know Darius, I’m pretty stoked to have another kid around.”

“He’s pretty special,” she said, referring to Darius.

“I agree,” I said.

“If I have this baby, will you help me?” she asked. “Will you help support it, and be there for him or her?”

“I will absolutely do that,” I said, making it sound like an oath. “Jeanine, there’s really no one I would rather have a baby with than you, and I can’t think of anyone who would make a better mother.”

“Thanks,” she said. “I feel the same way about you.”

“I’m sorry you got so upset about this,” I said. “Didn’t Grandmaman or Stefan tell you that I’d step up and be a responsible father?”

“They did, and I should have listened to them, but I was feeling really alone and afraid,” she said. “I didn’t really know how I would have handled it if you didn’t want the baby.”

“I can understand why that would have freaked you out,” I said. “I’m excited to have a baby with you. I mean, there are a lot of details to work out, what with me being a fag and you being a dyke,” I teased.

“That does complicate things a bit,” she said, and laughed. God, I loved her laugh.

“We have a lot to talk about, and all of it is good,” I said in a loving way. “I'll call you tonight, OK?”

“OK,” she said. “Thanks, Brad. Things look a lot brighter now.”

“They are brighter. They're awesome!” She laughed at my exuberance, then we said goodbye. As soon as we hung up, I focused on Stef. “It seems that you gave me a whole bunch of shit not too long ago for keeping secrets from you,” I observed, staring at him intently. “You made me feel like absolute shit for not trusting you. Yet after all of that, here’s this big deal, a thing that will completely change my life, and you kept it from me.”

He looked back at me, the guilt oozing out of every pore of his body. “You are right. I should have practiced what I preached. I am very sorry,” he said. “I will try not to do it again.” I thought about how typical Stef’s reaction was. He was in a losing situation, so he surrendered as gallantly as he could, and when he apologized, he didn't promise to never screw up again, he promised to try not to.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?” I asked, only my tone was even, telling him that I was done being angry.

“Jeanine told Marie, but she absolutely refused to tell you,” Stef said. “As Marie had shared the information with me in confidence, I felt I could not break my pledge to her.”

He’d said that almost as if it were justification for keeping it a secret, but I wasn’t putting up with that. “Kind of like how Bitty made me promise not to reveal who JJ’s father was,” I said acidly.

He grimaced. “Probably,” he agreed, backing down from his attempt to get any high ground in this situation. We sat there for a bit, letting my temper abate and his guilt fade, until he spoke again. “How do you feel about this?”

The drama was over, and he’d made me think about the situation without that bullshit, and the result was a feeling of almost total joy. I was smiling from ear to ear, and he smiled back at me indulgently. “I'm going to be a father! How exciting is that?!”

“I think it is very exciting,” Stef said. “I cannot help but imagine how special this child will be with you as his or her father.”

“Thanks,” I said, and gave him a hug, both to celebrate and to signify that our prior argument was put to rest. I was on cloud nine until I realized I had to have a conversation with Robbie. He and Greg had worked late again last night, so he was still sleeping. “I need to talk to Robbie. You think you can tell Greg he's going to be a little late this morning?”

“I will explain things to Greg,” he said.

“Thanks,” I said, then headed up to our room.

I smiled at the vision that greeted me when I walked into our bedroom. Robbie was just waking up, and as he stretched he showed off the patches of dark blond hair under his arms. “What are you smiling at?” he asked.

“The sexy hunk in my bed,” I said as I jumped in and lay next to him. He took my hand and guided it to his hard cock, asking me to help him out. I moved down and gave him the best blow job I could, based on the limited amount of time we had.

“Thanks,” he said. “I owe you one.”

He made to get up, but I stopped him. “I need to talk to you about something,” I said nervously.

“This doesn't sound good,” he said cautiously.

“Well, I think it's good, but I'm worried that you won't.” He looked at me, waiting for the bomb to drop. “Remember how I slept with Jeanine when you were in Paris?” I pointedly omitted the term prison.

“Yes,” he answered cautiously.

“She's pregnant, and I'm the father,” I said.

“So you're going to be a dad?” he asked, but not in a happy voice.

“Yeah, I am,” I said, but his dour expression had crushed the joy and happiness from me. I felt confused and not a little angry that he would destroy what was for me, one of the most awesome things that had ever happened to me.