Man In Motion - 10. Home at Last

June 15, 1985

Escorial

Palo Alto, CA

We drove up to Escorial and I had to enter the code since the Porsche didn't have a transponder. Home at last, I thought happily. Rafael was in the garage when I pulled in, and he came walking out to see my newest toy.

“She is a nice car,” he said to me in Spanish, as he helped me get all of our shit out of it and lug it in.

I tossed him the keys. “Try her out.” He smiled at me. We'd been tight ever since high school when he'd pick Ace and me up from parties when we were too drunk to drive home.

We walked into the television room, and I was surprised to find Stefan there as well. He seemed really distraught. I hugged him really tight. “What is wrong?”

He looked nervous. “Just more and more of this dreadful disease. It is so hard to see people, your friends, get so sick, and die.” He started crying so I just held him.

“Who was it this time?”

“Remember Butch? The guy I told you about who explained about...,” he looked over at Robbie and hesitated, “...uh, about things.”

“I'm so sorry Stef,” I said, stroking his back. “So why did you come up here?”

“I am tired of crying in front of Greg, so I decided to bother your father for a few days.” He was lying.

After our greetings and after Stef had composed himself, I cornered him and Tonto. “We need to have a talk,” I said, glaring at them.

Tonto always preferred a good offense to defense. “You hated Bitty, and there was no reason to tell you about Darius until you got through college, got on your feet, and grew up a bit.”

“So you trusted me enough to make me the successor trustee for your money, but not to know about a little boy?”

“It was not all our decision. It was Bitty's. She said if we told you, she'd take him away from Marie. So quit being a selfish little jerk,” Tonto said.

“Oh,” I said feebly. Well, she'd certainly taken the wind out of my sails. The silence now was disturbing, and made me feel guilty.

“He wrapped you around his little finger too, didn't he?” she asked, softening. I nodded.

“He's a cute little guy,” I said with a huge smile. “I asked Bitty if he could come out and visit. She said that if we work it out with Grandmaman it would be alright.” Tonto looked surprised, and turned to Stefan for support.

“So this means you have worked things out with Bitty?” he asked me.

“To a degree. She told me she knew how JP promised my father that he'd watch out for me. She asked me to do the same thing for Darius, and I said I would.” I saw Tonto get sad at the mention of her dead son, but she smiled at me anyway.

“I couldn't be prouder of you,” Tonto told me, tears in her eyes, and gave me a big hug. “But you wear me out. I'm off to take one of my naps,” she said, glaring at Stef.

It was almost midnight, but I was keyed up, so Stef and I headed out to the patio to smoke a joint. JP, Robbie, and Frank were out there already.

“So Bitty told us all about Robbie's cousins,” I said playfully. Robbie snickered, knowing what was coming next.

“They're a bunch of losers,” Frank said gruffly.

“According to Bitty, the only Hayes men that amount to anything are the ones that take it up the butt.” Stef was mid-hit on the joint and that made him gag and cough, while JP actually laughed. Frank acted pissed off, but laughed anyway.

“There's an exception to any rule,” he said wryly.

“We saw Sam,” I said, and saw JP cringe before he reasserted his calm.

“How was he?” he asked.

“A scumball.” That got their attention. “We had a really nice dinner, met his wife – nice lady – and their two kids. Then we left and dumbass here forgot his wallet so we had to go back,” I said, pointing to Robbie. He flipped me off. “After we got the wallet, we found Sam in the garage fucking Jake. Had him spread across the hood of his Oldsmobile.” I said this, staring at Stef. He looked very guilty because he was the one who had defended Jake and paid to send him to school.

“That is unfortunate,” JP said. An understatement, to be sure.

“Where is Roger?” I asked, looking around. My comment made everyone nervous, yet they all remained silent.

JP swallowed hard and broke the impasse. “He is not feeling well.”

“Is he in your room? I want to go say hello,” I said, getting up.

“He is in the hospital, Bradley,” JP said, getting up with me. A tear fell down his cheek, telling me all I needed to know: Roger had AIDS.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. JP just nodded. And then he broke down. I hugged him in what was almost a bear hug, and got increasingly worried about him. He didn't cry like this. The only time I'd ever seen him like this was when we’d lost Billy. No wonder Stefan was here. I gently led him inside, to his room.

“I can't sleep in here. He is everywhere.” He was sobbing, hysterical. I closed the door giving him privacy to vent.

“Yes you can. This is good. You should think about him. He is a good man.” He nodded. I led him to his bed and lay down and pulled him to me, to my chest, just like I’d done with Max, and let him cry and vent.

“I will take you to see him tomorrow. It is not pretty.”

“Dad, what about you? Have you been tested?” I knew real fear then. I couldn't lose my touchstone.

“I was tested when he was diagnosed. The results are due back tomorrow.”

I held him that night, all night long, while he slept and I didn't. Stef came in and lay on my other side. For all of my life I had relied on these guys. Now, they were relying on me. I was determined not to let them down.

June 16, 1985

Escorial

Palo Alto, CA

I woke up in the morning, exhausted, with JP and Stef sound asleep, and Stef grinding against my leg. How typical, I thought, laughing inside. I extracted myself from their embrace and headed back to Robbie's room. He was in bed on his stomach, stark naked. I pulled the sheet back to expose one of his most beautiful spots: his taint. It was covered with a dusting of dark blond hair, and the ribbing that divided his balls extended down his taint, vanishing into his asshole in a sexy kind of way. Best of all, there was a slight bulge just below his balls, a rounded area that seemed to transmit directly to his prostate. I knelt down without waking him and inhaled his smell. Just his musk, his odor, was enough to make me hard as a rock.

I nuzzled into him, licking up his taint to his ass, and dived into his hole. I heard him chuckle, which told me he was awake now. I unbuckled my pants but left them on so he could feel my rough jeans scratching against his legs, and then I fucked him. God, he felt good even though he was still loose. I was hoping that if we did that fisting thing a little less, he'd get his old tightness back. He thrust back into me enthusiastically, urging me on. This boy loved having a dick in his ass. His rubbing against the sheets, combined with my assault on his prostate, brought him off much faster than I intended. “Keep going,” he said, urging me on, and I did, plunging in and out of him until I came too.

“I missed you last night,” he said as I collapsed onto his back, panting.

I smiled at him. “They needed me.” He nodded. He understood.

We showered, ate and then found ourselves in the limo on the way to the hospital. I told Rafael that he should go back and wait for JP and Stef to wake up. I hated hospitals, even more so after Robbie had been in one after his gay-bashing incident. We walked somberly through seemingly endless corridors to Roger's room.

We found him lying on his back with a myriad of tubes stuck in him. I didn't know what they were, and I didn't care. The sight of Roger there broke my heart. This once-magnificent specimen of a man was reduced to a wheezing corpse, and it had happened with such speed. We'd seen him at graduation just a week ago. He'd felt sick after the flight, and then the next day he was here in the hospital. I took his hand and stroked it, admiring its strength, the strength of a man who used his hands when he worked.

His eyes opened and he smiled up at us. “Hi,” he said weakly.

“You don't look so good,” I said, teasing him and smiling. I figured that all the people he saw would look glum and sad, so a smile and some cheer would be a nice contrast.

“I'm dying.” He coughed for a bit, and then smiled at me. “Thanks. You got me together with JP.” I nodded, remembering. That short sentence seemed to exhaust him.

I sat with him, chattering away, looking at his eyes to make sure he was tracking with me and hadn’t fallen asleep. I felt a presence behind me. It was JP. I moved aside to make room for him, and saw Roger smile at him, a feeble smile. He kept mouthing the word “Sorry” over and over to JP. It was heartbreaking.

Stef pulled me outside the room into the hallway. “Do you know where Mouse is?”

“I have no idea. Did he go back to New Orleans?” I hadn't talked to him after we’d left Princeton.

“He supposedly did, but we have not been able to find him,” Stef said. “We really need to get in touch with him. I'm trying to track him down.”

A doctor appeared, so we followed him back into the room. “Dr. Crampton?” he said. JP looked at him and nodded. “Could I speak with you for a minute?” JP left Roger's side and walked over to where we were standing with the doctor. “We may want to speak in private.”

“This is my son and my best friend. You can speak in front of them.” Stefan beamed at the compliment, at being JP's best friend.

“We have the result of your HIV test back,” the Doctor reported quietly. “It is positive.” I felt the world falling out from under me, but I strained to get a grip. JP was hit hard, but he recovered too. Stefan was about to go into hysterics, but I stared at him, willing him to be strong, and he seemed to get the message.

“How long do I have?” JP asked.

“You are HIV-positive, but it has not evolved into AIDS. We really don't know. It could be tomorrow; it could be in ten years. As it stands right now, you seem to have a good T-cell count.”

“What should I do? What kind of precautions should I take?” He was trying to deal with this like a good scientist.

“Don't have sex with people who are negative,” the doctor said. “Take care of your health. We'll want to see you regularly, to chart your progress.”

JP nodded. “Thank you, Doctor.” And then the doctor was gone. Robbie had stayed with Roger, and he motioned to us frantically.

JP ran over to be by his side, and squeezed his hand. He pulled Roger's oxygen mask partly off, gave him one last kiss, and then Roger was dead.

I put my arm around Stefan as he began to fall apart. JP turned on us. “This news about me. None of you say a thing. Do you understand? Your promise. Swear it now.”

“Dad, it's not fair to keep this from Ace and Claire,” I said.

He sighed, frustrated. “Bradley, for once, just once, will you do as I ask without arguing?” I nodded, and caught a slight smile. “I will tell them soon; I just want a chance to digest it, and to find out more about what it means.” He paused. “Now promise me.”

“I promise,” Stef and I said in unison.

“Promise what?” said Robbie.

“I am HIV-positive,” JP told him, “and I insist that you tell no one.” I saw Robbie's eyes start to tear up. He had grown to love JP too.

“I promise,” he said.

“Now will someone find out where the fuck Mouse has gone?” JP asked, frustrated.

“I'll handle that,” Robbie said, and he vanished.

JP looked at Stef and me. “We are going to bury Roger, and then we will settle his estate. After that, I will meet with the two of you, and we will talk about what will become of this family when I am gone.” We nodded. Stef was bawling, while tears poured down my face despite my best efforts.

“We will be here for you, Dad. All of us.” He smiled at me and patted my cheek, wiping away my tears.

“By the way, thank you for sleeping with me last night. I hope you snuck back to your room and got some sleep?”

“No, I slept with you and Stef, until Stef woke me up this morning trying to hump my leg.” I watched that hit JP, and he just started laughing, an almost hysterical laughter. It lasted for a while, and then he stopped. It was surreal.

June 19, 1985

Almaden, CA

I was surprised at how thorough Roger had been when planning both his funeral and his whole estate. I'd always thought of him as a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, the kind of guy who would leave lots of loose ends. Boy was I wrong.

We stood on the top of the hill at the winery in Almaden. Roger didn't want any prayers, any services, just a ceremony to bury his ashes at the top of the hill, among the vines that he’d cherished so much. He'd stipulated that his parents and half-brother were banned from attending his interment, which meant there was security there.

Robbie’d had the toughest job: tracking down Mouse. Mouse had gotten involved in the New Orleans scene, and had been at a circuit party. It seems this party had devolved into sub-parties, and Mouse had been strung out for the past week. I hadn't gotten the story on how Robbie had tracked him down and bundled him onto Stef's plane, but he’d gotten him here. Mouse still looked fucked up.

Mouse had considered Roger to be his father, and Roger felt the same way, so it was no surprise that Roger had left his share of the winery to Mouse. Roger must have known about Mouse's lifestyle, though, because he’d put it in trust, with JP and Stefan as joint trustees; so while Mouse was now a very wealthy young man, he couldn't burn through the lump sum.

I looked over at Stef, who had been crying for three days straight now. He'd been pummeled by AIDS deaths in LA, but none of them came close to affecting him like Roger’s. They'd been lovers, then friends and business partners. And now he was gone. Greg was there, loyal and solid, propping Stef up. Thank god they were negative.

JP stood there, flanked by Ace and Mother. He met my eyes, and I could see the extreme pain he was dealing with. He had lost his partner, and now that he had HIV, he was probably destined to be alone, at least romantically. But he had his family, and we were loyal beyond imagination.

JP walked up to the site of Roger’s burial and spoke briefly. “Today I bury my partner. His loss has saddened me beyond my ability to express emotion. His wish was to be buried here, at the top of the mountain, among the vines that he loved. He asked that all of his friends remove a shovel of earth. Once we've done that, David and I,” JP said, remembering to use Mouse's real name, “will place his ashes in the ground, and I will ask you to put a shovel full of earth back into the ground.”

JP took out a chunk of earth and put it on the blanket placed for that purpose. We followed, one by one, all 50 or so of us. Then JP and Mouse, each holding one of the handles, placed the urn into the ground. They removed the cap and turned it over, spreading his ashes in the hole. Then we all reversed the process and tossed dirt back into the ground. JP gave Mouse the urn. It was sad and somber. I was miserable.

The only good news we'd had was that Robbie had been re-tested, and had gotten another negative result. The doctor cautioned him, though, that it could take six months from the last exposure for HIV to show up, so we wouldn't be able to get a clean bill of health for him until October.

We were hosting a post-burial party, to celebrate Roger's life. Mouse had sculpted a statue of him a few years ago, so that, along with pictures and memorabilia of Roger’s life, was displayed in the room. And of course there were wine, cheese, and hors d'oeuvres.

I drank a few glasses of wine to try and dull the pain, but it wasn't enough. There was a small area in the back of the winery where Roger grew his pot plants. Robbie and I snuck off to pluck a few buds and rolled a couple of joints. “This is so scary,” Robbie said. “We have to be safe until I retest in October.”

I nodded. I lit up a joint and inhaled the soothing smoke. I felt better. We headed back to the party and I found JP surrounded by well-wishers. He looked lost in a sea of people. I pushed through and put my hand on his shoulder. “Dad, can I have a word with you?” He nodded, and they cleared a path for us. I led him outside to the limo and hopped in, then handed him a joint and a lighter.

“Thank you, Brad. You know me so well.”

“I do. And you know me.” He took a few drags. “Dad, I want you to know that the time we spend together is just invaluable to me.”

“As it is for me.” He changed the subject, trying to avoid another maudlin scene. “So how did you end up handling Robbie's, uh, fetish?”

“I stuck my hand up his ass,” I said simply. He looked at me and just started cracking up, and so did I. It was a release we both needed. “You never did that?”

He rolled his eyes. “Not even Stefan has done that.”

“He tried. Said it hurt too much.” I joked, and we laughed again. “It's weird Dad. I thought it would be gross and disgusting, but it was actually not so bad. The trust he had to have in me to let me do it, that just created an amazing bond.”

“He is going to go to see his counselor on Friday. I understand that you offered to go?”

“Yeah. Not to the first session, but to others, if he wants me too.”

He smiled. “That is good. Very good.”

“When are you planning to tell everyone else that you're positive?” He cringed.

“This weekend, I think. I'd like to talk to you and Robbie later on about your college plans for next year.” I started to talk but he stopped me. “Later, OK? Now I have to get back and be miserable. Thanks for the break.”

I went back to the miserable soirée and hung out with Claire and Jack. “Hey there, hot stuff,” I said to Jack playfully.

“Oh no you don't. After Princeton, you lost the right to hit on me,” he joked. I put my arm around him and allowed my hand to fall down to his ass. I squeezed hard. He didn't react. “After Neil, I can handle anything,” he joked.

“Brad, get your hands off of him,” Claire insisted. “I bet none of my friends have this problem.”

“What problem?”

“Their brothers hitting on their fiancé.” It was supposed to be a joke, but it was a slip.

“Fiancé?” I asked, eyebrows raised.

Jack glared at her. “We were going to announce it this weekend, but someone has a big mouth.”

“So do I,” I said, winking at Jack. Claire smacked me. “I won't tell a soul. Not even Robbie.” Claire grinned at me and hugged me.

Ace and Bianca walked up with Robbie. “Bianca, you come to a funeral looking that sexy?” I teased.

“You are thinking of taking a walk on the wild side?” she teased. “I will convert you.”

“Then I'll convert him back,” Jack said. They cracked me up. We got some dirty looks for laughing and enjoying ourselves, but those people didn't know Roger. He would have appreciated the humor.

June 20, 1985

Escorial

Palo Alto, CA

“You wanted to see us?” I asked JP as Robbie and I entered his study.

“Yes. Just for a bit.” He got up and shut the door and motioned us to be seated. “I want to know what you plan to do for graduate school.”

I gulped. “Well, we've both been accepted to Yale and Berkeley. We talked about it, and we were leaning toward Berkeley. With your, uh, news, that seems even smarter, to be near home.” Robbie had gotten into Princeton too, but that wasn't happening.

“I am worried about telling everyone because I don't want them to change their plans for me. You mentioned that you were thinking of studying in Paris for six months, or a year?”

“Dad, we can't do that. I don't give a shit what you say; I want to be here with you.” He grinned at me. He was up to something.

“I'm going to take a sabbatical next semester. It will be a good chance for me to try out my potential successors. I talked to the Dean yesterday and explained the situation. He approved my request.”

“Was he OK with you being positive?”

JP smiled. “Well Bradley, he happens to like me so I wouldn't say he's OK with it. But if you mean does he still want me on the faculty, the answer is yes.”

“That's what I meant,” I said, feigning irritation. “So tie this all together for me, Dad.”

“I was thinking that if you guys spent a semester in Paris, I might just go with you. That is, if you don't mind.”

“Are you kidding?” Robbie said. “That would be fucking awesome.” I laughed. Sometimes he was a little impulsive and exuberant. JP smiled at him, and then looked at me.

“What he said,” I told him, smiling. “Mouse was talking about going too. We may have a whole cadre there.”

“Mouse could use a little supervision,” JP said wryly. “He's been a little too wild. Roger was pretty concerned about him.” He sighed. “Back to our topic. I have wanted to do a paper, or book, on the Ancien Régime. This would be a good chance to do that.”

He got up and walked over to his desk. “I want you to know that I am looking forward to your company, and that truly is my first and primary goal, but there is another advantage. I don't want you to think I'm using you.”

“Go on,” I said.

“I'm going to tell everyone that I'm HIV-positive on Saturday at dinner. It's my birthday, so it's fitting in a macabre sort of way. I've asked everyone to be there specifically, so it will be a good opportunity to drop that bombshell. I also plan to tell them about Paris. They will argue with me, but if I am going and I have you two, plus possibly Mouse, I will be well taken care of.”

“I see,” I said. “We'll be happy to take care of you, Dad.”

June 21, 1985

Robbie was off seeing his shrink, so I was bored. Stef was coming back up tomorrow for the dinner that JP was hosting. Tonto had grilled me, trying to find out what it was about. I'd deflected her questions, probably badly, but I'd deflected them. I was really worried what impact this would have on her. She adored JP.

I reined the stallion in at the top of the mountain and surveyed the land below. I wondered what JP would do with it. I'd hate to see Escorial sold. It had been in our family for almost 20 years now. It was really the only home I'd known. But as much as I loved this place, I was straining to get back to the beach. I had planned to go last week, but that didn't work out, so next week I was going for sure. Ace and Bianca were coming along, and Robbie too, so it should be fun. Then the week after we were planning to go to LA for a movie premier, and to catch some Malibu surf action.

That made me a little nervous, because I'd see Lark and Max. I’d talked to them both on the phone when I got back, but they didn't really tell me anything interesting. Lark was supposed to come back home for the summer, but he was stalling. I sighed. I'd deal with their drama when I got down there. It was easy for me to forget my feelings for Max when Robbie was here in front of me and Max was 400 miles away. I wondered how I'd feel when I saw him? Probably guilty.

I ran the stallion down one hill and up the next, enjoying the stimulating ride, and being back in California. We explored pretty much the whole hill. The horse seemed happy with the exercise, and so was I. I headed back to the house and passed the horse off to Rafael, then went inside to shower for my hot boyfriend. I was just getting out when he came in, looking glum.

“What's the matter, baby?” I asked, and gave him a big hug and kiss. My towel fell off, and I felt his hands grab my naked ass cheeks.

“The doctor says I need to avoid fisting for a while.” We'd done it again last night. The way he lost it when he came was just amazing.

“Why?”

“He thinks that I'm using it as a tool to punish myself. He wants me to avoid it until I feel better about me, until I don't want to debase myself.”

“OK,” I said.

“I thought you liked it?” he asked, hurt.

“I do, baby. I love being that close to you, being that intimate with you. But it's OK. There are other things I can do to make you feel good. Or are you worried I won't be able to?”

He grinned at me. “You know how to get me off.”

“You say that, but I'm not sure if I believe you now,” I said, moving his hand so it slid inside my crack. My hard cock was poking him.

“Someone is horny,” he teased.

“Fuck me. Right now,” I said huskily into his ear. “Come on, Robbie. I want your big dick inside me.” He moaned and unzipped his pants. It was so erotic to be totally naked with him when he was dressed, and dressed nicely at that.

He grabbed a condom and turned me around. I felt some lube and his fingers, gently probing, opening me up. Then he pushed me onto all fours and moved up behind me. He entered me gently, but he picked up his pace quickly. Soon he was pounding me in the same way I sometimes pounded him. He’d never done this before, and I’d never thought it would be fun, but boy was I wrong. He was in total control, totally dominant, just pounding and pounding me. When I came, it was so intense I got lightheaded. He blew while I did, using my trick, and it worked. I felt like I had two orgasms. Afterward I collapsed onto the bed in the fetal position.

He bent down over me. “Are you OK, baby? Did I hurt you? I went too hard didn't I?” He looked so concerned. He really loved me.

I grinned up at him. “Shut the fuck up and lie down with me. You were amazing. I just have to recover.” He grinned back.

“I've never done that to you before,” he said.

“Why not?” I asked.

“I don't know. I guess for me getting fucked hard was about self-abuse. I didn't think you'd like it.”

“For me, it was getting my brains fucked out and having an amazing orgasm,” I teased. “Self-abuse be damned.”

He laughed, and then got serious. “You have made me so happy since we left Princeton. I feel like I'm walking on clouds. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“OK.”

“What?” he asked.

“I said OK. I'll do that. I'll let you spend the rest of your life with me.” He kissed me. “You know that thing I do with my three fingers?” He grinned big. “Is that allowed?”

“Well, I didn't tell him about it, so I guess it is. At least until I bring it up next time.”

“Then I'm gonna make you cum so hard they'll hear you in Los Altos,” I told him. “But not until after dinner.”