Luke Hanson's Mind & Punishment: A Teen in Despair - 23. Chapter 23 - Starting Some Resolutions

Thursday 5:08pm - Luke

ONE WEEK LATER....

One week on. One week and one day - that's how long it had been since I left Leander and his Brother Clyde deal with Ben Flowers, my stalker and had driven off home. I'd not heard anything, so I assumed it had been sorted. Yes okay, I was checking the local newspaper Derek read at work for any major headlines about bodies being found in woodland and stuff related. But really I knew deep down Leander would not let his family really kill someone... like actually for real. The physical state Ben might have left in is another matter, but as I was told... don't ask, don't look and don't think about it. The latter was easier said than done as I've just explained.

The thing is, Leander was consuming me hour by hour though, and although my brain had given me the pleasure of not having to deal so much with the anxiety through this past week, I was becoming more upset with how Leander and I just fizzled out. I wanted him so bad.

As usual I questioned my deserving of him. My mind was telling me that everything in my life usually goes wrong so Leander staying with me was just another example of Luke Hanson's Mind and Punishment. I really was in despair sometimes and wondered how many more years I would endure that feeling of complete and utter hopelessness. It sucked you dry I can tell you that.

Don't be filthy!

_____________________

"Right, Derek, everything is done; I'm off," I said, smiling.

"Hey, Luke? Before you go? I've been debating whether or not to get involved, but your Dad has called me several times this week asking about you. He's saying you're ignoring his calls, is that right?"

I sighed. "I'm not ready to see him, Derek. I've got too much in my head going on at the moment. I'm not ready to deal with him and Morticia Addams on top."

"Want my advice, Son?"

"Well, it's normally good, so go on then."

"This stuff? In your head? Perhaps it could be better dealt with, with your Dad's support. I'd say patching up your relationship with him might benefit you and help with the rest of your problems."

I winked at Derek to say thanks. "I'll bear that in mind. See ya later, Derek. I'll grab iced coffee for the morning. Oh, by the way, how is Lee. I haven't heard from him in ages."

Derek Laughed. "Nor have I," he replied. "He's in love, Luke. what do you expect?"

"Tell him to call me, yeah? And tell him if I get one more missed call, I am disowning him," I said with a grin.

"I'll be sure to do that."

I walked out of Saunders and around the side to collect my car, which had been sitting in the heat all day. I opened the driverside door, turned on the ignition and let down all the windows.
As I leaned against the bonnet to wait for the heat to dissipate, my phone dings.

I grab it from my pocket.

[17:12] Leander: Can I see you?
[17:13] Me: I keep telling you, no.
[17:13] Leander: Luke the fair leaves in 4 days. Can we at least say goodbye?
[17:14] Me: I know when the fair leaves, there's been nothing else on my mind but why cause more pain? It's you who decided to end us.
[17:15] Leander: Please!

I stood there looking at the last message. Please? Please, for what? What more could be said. Why would I put myself through the pain of hearing his voice again... seeing his beautiful face again. For what, to say goodbye again. For me to humiliate myself again? Beg again? No! I needed to put myself first.

But haven't you done that all along? My stupid brain thought as I got in my car. But have I?

______________________________

I pulled into Taz's driveway and switched off the engine. I saw Edith walking towards her house with a loaded shopping bag. She glanced over and stopped.

"Moved in, have you?" she asked. "Bloody gays!"

"Hello Edith, what have I done now?" I asked. "Nice to see you in person. Usually, you are spying on me from behind those nets," I said, chuckling—more to myself.

Stupid old bag!

"That place is haunted, you know. I'd get out now!"

"What, like the Amityville? Edith, have you stopped taking your medication?

She started to cross the road, walking directly towards me. She was a creepy old woman who made you feel you should run away from her. But this was interesting. So I stood where I was, waiting, just as Taz came out.

"Hi, Edith," Taz said with a smile.

"Put a shirt on, Taz, young man. What is it with you men walking around with no clothes on in the street? In my day, that would have been arrestable."

"THE WAR IS OVER," Taz shouted sarcastically as if she was deaf.

"That house," she pointed. "That house is evil. You don't want to know what I see at that window in the small hours."

I rolled my eyes before turning to look at Taz. I think just by the look we gave each other, we both felt Edith was starting to lose her mind.

"What is it at the window then? Did you film it?"

"Don't judge me, young Taz; I knew what I saw. It's a face."

"A face?" I asked. "What sort of face? and who's?"

"It's just a face that looks wrong," Edith said quietly. "Comes late, around two in the morning, looks misty white. But, as I say, that house is evil. So do with that information what you will." With that, she turned away and walked across the road again towards her front gate. "Oh," she added, turning around once more. "Stop kicking that football over my wall. Don't think I don't see you both!"

"Okay, Edith, we're sorry," Taz called back to her.

"Taz?"

"I know, Luke."

"We haven't kicked that ball around since we were sixteen??!!"

"I just said... I know!"

"I feel sorry for her now. All alone in that house and slowly succumbing to dementia. It's sad, Taz. And we still make fun of her."

"Come on. Mum wants a word with you."

"Really? What have I done?"

"She wants to tell you. I'm not allowed."

I tutted. "What are we, kids or men?!"

____________________________________

I sat patiently in the kitchen for Sharon to get off her cell phone. She was in the next room, and I could hear muffled talking, but that was about it. It got louder and softer the more she moved around the room. I had to smile she did that... moved round i mean, because I was the same. If I was on the phone with a stranger, like a Doctor or a customer at work, I had to wander around the room. Give me someone I know? Well, I can lay, sit, and stand. But not move. Why am I telling you all this?

Oh yeah, I'm bored of waiting for Sharon!

After a clock counting eight minutes, she came out of the lounge and into the kitchen.

"Right, Luke. This spectacle with your Dad stops today. You are seeing him tonight. He's coming here at six. So you two are going to sit down and have this out."

The look of shock on my face right now was immense. Why is my life being lived for me? I thought, staring at Sharon.

"What the fuc..."

"Luke, baby, don't launch your BS at me. I've known you too long," she said sweetly. "Just man up and see your bloody Dad, okay?"

She then walked outside into the garden and started taking down the washing that had now dried to the touch in the hot early evening sun.

I Looked back at Taz, who was chuckling.

"Can you believe that?" I asked, throwing my hands up in the air.

"You were about to mess with her, weren't you? You were about to see if it could be done, and she killed you stone dead like a Medusa. It looks like you're seeing your Dad then."

I grunted, went to the fridge and pulled out two cokes. "Gym is killing my legs," I announced, sitting down on a dining room chair and rubbing the back of them—my legs, not the chair.

"You really went for it on Saturday. I thought you were going to pass out at some points."

"'Yeah, well, trying to work the stress of the 'Leander situation' out of my head seemed like a good thing to do at the time."

"You seeing him?"

I raised my hand at Taz, swallowing a gulp of Coke. "Don't! Just don't, Taz. If one more person suggests who I should and shouldn't talk to, I might go insane."

"Erm, okay, but... but the fair does leave in a few days, and I just think that..."

"Don't think, Taz. I'm not interested in what he says anyways," I lied.

Of course, I was interested; who was I kidding? Leander was all I thought about... day after day. I wondered what he was doing, what he was thinking and who he was thinking about. I'd been to the fair on Thursday night just to be near him. I kept out of sight but watched him from a distance operating a ride, seemingly unfazed by our breakup. But what did I expect? Did I expect him to wallow in a corner somewhere? Expect him to tell Clyde he was too heartbroken to work? What sort of face should be permanently worn by him while being upset about us. Life goes on, Luke. Life doesn't stop for your cry-baby antics and selfish feelings. It's not all about you!

Shut up, brain!

______________________________

I heard the distinctive sound of Dad's work van pulling up outside. I knew it was him because the van had a unique whining sound when it came to a stop. Dad says it's something to do with the gearbox. But it's great because if you're in the middle of having a wank, you can quickly stop before he walks through the door. Hey, a guy has needs, right?

Facing the music, I went downstairs into the lounge, letting Taz get the door. I sat in one of Taz's parents' large comfy brown chairs and crossed my legs like an interviewer might. Only, I didn't have a pen to rest in my mouth.

Dad walked in and stopped at the doorway. We looked into each other eyes. I held a mildly irritated expression while his face said he came in peace. I softened on seeing it.

"Hi, Son, you look well."

"It's only been just over a week, Dad."

"Uh, yeah, I guess it has. And how are you?"

"Living the dream Dad. I'm homeless, thanks to yours truly. Erm, what's next? Oh yeah, my new Boyfriend dumped me faster than a Britney Spears divorce, and erm... I almost got stabbed to death in the middle of nowhere. So yeah, I'm having a great time right now. In fact, the only thing about me which has been playing ball has been my anxiety levels. I don't think I have ever felt clearer about how I feel."

"Which is? And what do you mean you almost got stabbed to death, oh my gosh!"

It's not important, Dad. The guy holding a knife at me, my feelings... none of it is important. Being homeless is."

"I didn't know what else to do with you."

I got up and stepped forward, snarling. "You abandoned me! You abandoned me for that toothless, know it all Bitch, and I'm out on the street."

"Luke, don't be such a Diva, it is not becoming of you. You're not homeless. I knew Sharon and Mark would be okay with you staying here. Anyway, you were like a rabid animal that day I asked you to leave. As much as I hate seeing you in that state, you needed to take responsibility for your actions and..."

"So you basically took her side?"

"...And, if you let me finish... you need to know that there are consequences when you act like that. Luke, you're eighteen. The time for tantrums and fits left you fifteen years ago. I'm sorry you don't like Elaine. I truly am, but I'm here today because I want to make amends and put this debacle to bed. But I'm also here to let you know that Elaine is my partner. I deserve to be happy just as much as you do."

"Is she moving in?" I asked distrustfully.

"We're talking about it."

"She wants to, though, right? I mean, this is all her, right? I mean, it's you that's wrestling with her request?"

Dad shook his head. "Son, you're doing it again?"

I put my head down. "I'm sorry, it's just... There is so much of Mum in that house, and I feel... I feel..."

"You feel like she will come and erase it all?"

I looked up. "Exactly. And she will. She'll move in, and all Mum's photos will be taken down, and she'll wanna change the furniture, and God knows what she will have in its place. Probably a fucking gramophone, wall sized picture of her gormless Son and piano." I messed my hair up with my hands thinking about it.

Dad levelled his hands out at me as if telling me to calm down. "You're overthinking things again and coming up with a version of life that does not exist." Dad moved towards me and knelt by my chair. "There is one more reason why I'm here, Son."

I sat back and creased my head. "Which is?"

"I want you to see a therapist. Look, I haven't gone behind your back or anything, but I went to see your Doctor in the week to get some advice. I told him you'd been having some... well, some issues with anger and stuff. So he suggested I help you set up a meeting with Calvin."

I shook my head. "Nope, not Calvin. Absolutely not. I don't give a shit you did this, Dad, and I'm even open to the idea of seeing a therapist but not Calvin. He rinses me out; I can't deal with him. That hour we did, back then? I can't, Dad. I can't!"

"Luke, he's highly rated, and I am willing to pay for your sessions."

"That guy left me crying for two days."

"I think that was the idea, Luke; you got so much out in one hour that I think you ever got out in your whole life. But, look, I'll do you a deal, yes? You see, Calvin, and I will tell Elaine that moving in just yet will not be an option as you and I are trying to get you on an even keel again."

"So I can come home?" I asked, my eyes probably brighter.

Dad nodded. "You can come home, yes. But, you will need to get used to seeing Elaine at the house. Perhaps not living there, but there for periods."

"She stays out of my room?"

"I've already said that to her. She has not been in your room. No one has."

"Thanks," I said, unconvinced.

"So, you gonna give your old man and hug, or what?"

I leaned forward and put my arms around my father, and we both squeezed. "I'm sorry I was such a dick, Dad," I said, muffled, with my mouth on his shoulder.

"And I'm sorry I took such drastic measures with you. Whether I got that right or not will be down to the Gods, but I had to balance out my love for you and my new relationship and get you to a safe space in your head. And at home? Well, that was not the place you needed to be at the time."

"I understand, Dad; I can be a selfish Prick sometimes."

Dad shrugged. "Meh, most eighteen-year-old men are selfish pricks. I still love you!"