Incandescence - 18. Knowledge and Pain

“Don’t get into trouble while I’m gone. I’m trusting you to watch him.” I watched Kalian pointedly look from Wyn to me.

The boy shrugged and nodded. He’d been sulking all morning and it wouldn’t get better after Kalian left. Wyn was too proud to admit it, but he was scared Kalian was leaving. The two of them had rarely been apart for the entire time we’d had Wyn. I could feel Kal’s own sadness and fear thrumming over the bond. He didn’t let on that anything was bothering him. He simply leaned forward and kissed the top of the boy’s head. I figured the kid must be upset since he didn’t even cringe away. He was far too grown for affection most days. Especially out in the open.

I glanced to Meryck who inclined his head. Sometimes I wondered what had happened to him before he came to the Verseckt. Wren had said it hundreds of times, the best members were those who came to him with cracks already present. It made it that much easier for the little demon to jam his fingers in, pry the pieces apart, and thoroughly ruin the person. Everyone thought the physical torture was the worst part of the training, but the members knew better. I’d rather have a cut or bone break over what Wren did to our minds.

Meryck turned and glanced down the path that they would take to leave Syrin. An odd sense of foreboding tugged at my mind, but I ignored it. There was nothing to be done. Someone had to go and someone had to stay. As much as it bothered my husband and I, it was an undeniable truth. Suman was leaning against the wall to my right, slowly wrapping his weird, sharp string around his forearm. Loren was standing the farthest away. Even from here, I could see the way to sunlight lit up his eyes. As I looked, I tried to ignore the frown on his face as he watched the sky.

“Love?” I blinked down at Kalian and attempted to reclaim my focus.

He was looking up at me with a concerned look on his face. He glanced between Loren and I. That was when I noticed the older man was looking at us now.

Loren tilted his head back and closed his eyes, “It’s going to rain.”

“Oh, splendid. This will make walking for miles so much more enjoyable. What would we have done without abysmal conditions to trek in?” Suman snarked and rolled his shoulders before reaching towards the sky and then bending over to touch his toes.

When he straightened, he grinned at me. I hadn’t known my cousin long, so it surprised me when I saw the slight shift in his personality. The change in his eyes. Something was bothering him as well. He was simply using humor and his bad attitude to ignore it. Glancing around again, I rubbed my shoulder before my eyes settled on Kalian.

I wasn’t sure why moments like this were the ones where I truly saw him. I often took advantage of the fact that he was mine. His irises shattered the sunlight as it hit his eyes, the gold and the lilac shifting beautifully. If I didn’t know better, I’d say his hair had lightened. It didn’t seem as bright of a shade of copper as it once was. I tilted my head to the side as I studied his hair and face. I jumped a bit as warm hands cupped my face.

“Talon. I need you here right now.” He murmured softly as he pressed a kiss to my lips. Pity that both of us had been too exhausted to say goodbye properly-physically-last night. I’d much rather have more intimate mental images to hold onto until he returned.

“I know.” I mumbled, stealing another kiss.

“What is it? Something is bothering you.” He said soft enough that only I could hear.

“I don’t know what it is. Just something isn’t right.” I answered.

Kalian frowned and took a small step back. His eyes grazed over my form before he turned to the three other men. Loren’s head was still tilted back as he looked up at the sky, but he glanced sidelong at Kal. Meryck straightened slightly and Suman simply rolled his eyes and looked in any direction that wasn’t Kalian’s.

“Something is wrong. There’s a weird…”

“Feeling?” Loren asked.

“Paranoia?” Suman cooed. Meryck stayed silent but I watched his fingers twitch the smallest amount.

“Be quiet Suman. This could be serious. Every other time my gut has warned me and I ignore it, I end up running headlong into an unfortunate situation.” Kalian said, glaring at my cousin.

“Are you sure it just isn’t our penchant for bad decisions?” Loren sighed, strolling closer. This time, he was the only one who spoke.

“We have a plan. It’s pretty simple. Head to your shabby hometown to save it and your sister. Then hightail it back. Right? Am I missing something? Why are we overcomplicating things?” Suman groaned, stomping his feet dramatically.

“Just because we have a plan and it’s not complex, doesn’t necessarily mean it doesn’t have the potential to fail.” Loren said, raising his arms to hold them behind his head while he looked at Kalian. I was pleasantly surprised that he had seemed unusually…restrained today. He’d barely even made inappropriate comments. That was worrisome. I wasn’t sure a serious Loren was a good thing.

“True. Our plan was simple when we tried to get Kalian back from Anders, and I mean that ended with me ripping the front off a building and turning into a weird horned monster.” I shrugged, gently guiding a loose piece of hair away from Kalian’s eyes.

Loren’s grin finally returned, “Honestly, demon Talon was not hard to look at. It was like an upgrade. He wasn’t the only one who was horny.”

“Shut up.” Kalian snapped and I raised an eyebrow. Loren snickered, but kept his mouth shut. Seems he was full of surprises today. Kalian glanced at me, “We’ll be careful. Extra careful.”

“Course you will and I’ll sit here and anxiously await your return. Please bring back Meryck. The other two…” I said as I glared at each of them.

“Don’t lie. You’ll miss us, cousin mine!” Suman grinned and shoved my shoulder. When it failed to move me, his smile faded.

“All will be well.” Meryck’s voice startled me every time I heard it. It was quiet, barely above a whisper. After he spoke, Meryck turned and walked away. He didn’t look back and Loren watched him before turning to give me a half-assed curtsy before he gave Wyn a hug then strolled away. Suman’s arms were crossed over his chest and he sighed, looking down at the boy.

“Runt.” He said.

“Be careful, okay? Watch my da!” Wyn ordered and gave Suman a quick hug.

Finally, we were to the worst part. Kalian stepped over and held Wyn’s head in his hands. His thumbs brushed gently over the boy’s cheekbones and they looked into each other’s eyes. Kalian let out a heavy sigh and Wyn lunged. Kalian clutched him tight to his chest, letting his head rest against our son’s.

His eyes met mine, “You watch him, okay? I need you to keep our family, friends, and the city safe.”

I forced a smirk onto my lips, but I knew Kalian saw through it, “No pressure, huh love?”

“I love you.” He said, kissing Wyn’s forehead. He turned to me and wiggled his fingers and I moved to wrap them both in my arms.

“Stay safe.” I mumbled against his temple before dropping a kiss there.

“I don’t want you to go.” Wyn said. When I looked at him, it was clear he was trying to keep himself under control. His eyes were glossed over with unshed tears and his lower lip was trembling.

“I have to little love.” Kalian frowned and both of us stepped away. Or Kalian tried to, but Wyn held on tight. He was almost as tall as Kalian and it seemed like Kal was thrown off guard by just how strong he was. I may not have been the best teacher for my husband, but I’d definitely learned a trick or two from those surrounding us. Wyn’s strength was really coming along nicely.

“No!” I blinked when Wyn refused to let go and it visibly shook Kalian’s resolve.

“Wyn.” I said, slipping an arm between them.

“No!”

“You’re not a baby, Wyn. He has to go. The longer you keep him here, the longer it will take for him to be back.” I said.

“I know I’m not a baby,” He scowled at me and I flinched when a few tears made their way down his cheeks.

Kalian managed to free himself and I held onto our son. He tried resisting my hold but as Kalian got further away, I felt him sag, “Dad, I’m scared.”

I sighed and tugged him to me, trying desperately to hold us both together. I didn’t remember being this way. I didn’t like the thought of Kalian being in a dangerous situation when I couldn’t be there. We’d been a team for near a decade and I wasn’t sure if that was the cause of the overwhelming wrongness I was feeling.

I pondered the unease as I began to make my way back into the city. Wyn’s hand was loosely holding mine and there was a soft sniffling that I chose to ignore. That way he’d be able to keep his, “Too mature and cool for everyone,” act up after he calmed down. His fingers tightened in mine and I had to admit that it was nice. I didn’t get the honor much anymore.

“We’ll be okay Wyn.” I said.

“I’m not worried about us. I’m worried about Da.” He grumbled and I made a face at the nauseating sound of him inhaling his snot as his crying ceased. Children were disgusting. How late was too late to decide you didn’t want to parent?

Crouching, I let my hands hang between my knees as I tilted my head slowly to the side. Rubbing the knuckles of my free hand against an itch on my nose, I let out a sigh. I tilted my head the other way as I let my hand drop again. Tapping the cool steel of a blade against the thickest part of my lower lip I considered my current predicament. I rubbed the top of my other hand against my trousers as it started to itch too and watched as small, dark, flecks drifting to the ground underneath me.

“Now, maybe you can help me with a problem.” I started, gesturing to my company. Grinning, I slid forward in my crouched position. I probably looked like a demented, giant, spider. It did feel nice to slide through the motions. What didn’t feel nice was my knees. I was far too young to ache this much.

When I was closer, I reached forward the slightest bit and touched a pale cheek with the very tip of my blade, “Now, let’s do some simple math, shall we?”

When I received no answer, I put force behind the knife tip. Just the tiniest amount. I didn’t need to get carried away already. We were just starting after all. I slowly ran the blade down, over the apple of a cheek, “It’s rather rude not to answer someone when they’re speaking to you.”

When a string of muffled vocalizations reached my ears, I nodded slowly, “Mm, you make a fine point.”

I tilted forward and pulled the gag free. Sputtering, wet gasps reached my ears and pitiful crying made me roll my eyes, “Oh come on now. Let’s get it together. It isn’t possible to commit to a decision without being prepared to accept the consequences. Did you think you were so sly that we wouldn’t catch on? It’s honestly insulting. This was my job you know.”

A painful gasp and then a voice managed to force words out in a gross gargle, “Fuck you.”

“Unfortunately, friend, you’re not my type. You see I have a rather high bar and it helps when they have a longer life expectancy than you do. It shortens by the moment. Death ruins the mood a bit. Most of the time. Don’t get me wrong there are exceptions.” I said, watching a bit of blood roll down from the small cut I’d just made.

“You’ll all,“ A wet coughing, “die!”

“We need to work on your threats, my dear Fawcell. They don’t really hold much weight. We will all die. Again, you much sooner than me, but what can you do? Some people decide to commit treason even though torture and execution are very bad for one’s health.” The disgraced duke managed to discover his normally absent balls and leaned back enough to spit directly into my face.

I admit, sometimes I am not a calm man.

My wrist may have flicked out rapidly. I may have possibly, nearly, sliced the man’s eyebrow in two. I honestly cannot be blamed however, as my personality and manners generally adjust given how I interact with other humans. I simply do not think about things the way your average person would. My brain operates without complex tiers of reason and logic. I’m driven prominently by instinct and, you know, unimaginable rage. This is what I tell myself in these situations anyway. I also must admit that uninterrupted screaming gets old fast.

“Gods, be quiet. You’re okay.” I groused at the man sat before me.

“I’m bleeding all over! I’m going to die!”

“I believe we’ve already addressed your second complaint, as for the first one, it’s a head wound. They bleed.” I shrugged and he went on whining and crying.

“Fawcell, honestly, get it together. I haven’t even begun torturing you.” His eyes widened as I flicked my tongue over the blood that reddened my blade. Blood was gross. The metal taste was one I’d had far too often for comfort, but nothing unnerved people quite like watching someone lick their blood off something. Especially a knife or some other weapon.

“You see, we both have problems that the other could help us solve. I need to know just how much of our information you sold off and you would undoubtedly prefer a quick death.” I leaned forward awkwardly, still in my strange squat and held my head up with my hands. My elbows balanced on my knees and I loosely held the blade’s hilt against my cheek. The man’s eyes widened as they stayed glued to it.

“I h-have nothing to tell you. I hope you and yours die!” The disgraced duke screamed in my face.

I stared at him for a moment, looking at him long enough that he started to get nervous. A bead of sweat ran from his hairline down over his temple and I tilted my head. I let my mouth split into a slow grin and I shifted closer. His eyes widened further as he struggled to get away.

Gripping his ratty tunic, I tugged him closer, “I am so glad you chose to do this the hard way. I have a lot that I need to pay you back for. Don’t you worry, by the end of this, you’ll be happy to share everything with me. All the deep, dark, small secrets you keep hidden from the rest of the world are going to come easy. I’m not even sure I’ll be able to get you to stop. Unfortunate for you really because at that point, you will want nothing more. You’ll want everything to stop. Guess what happens then?”

Fawcell shook his head, eyes big and face white. I sneered, momentarily missing my fangs from the dark Magik, “Then, we go deeper. Until there’s nothing left of you. When I’ve robbed you of your very humanity, then I’ll finish by taking your wretched life.”

I cracked my neck and rolled my shoulders as I left the room. To my surprise, Eon was there. His face was grim and he looked at me with obvious repulsion, “You reek.”

“Mm, it’s the blood and other bodily fluids.” I yawned and wiped my hands on a clean cloth. The other that I’d been using would need to be burned with everything else in that room.

“Did you get any answers?” Eon asked, his nose still wrinkled.

I rubbed at the dry blood on my wrists and sighed heavily as I walked past my brother-in-law, “I’m hurt that you thought I wouldn’t get results.”

“Stop playing around Talon. We need to know what he knew.” Eon gripped my shoulder and immediately released it, his hand coming away grimy. Fawcell and I had been alone in that room for a while.

“As per usual, our dear duke thought himself far more important than I think he really was.” I tugged my tunic over my head and when Eon let out an impatient noise, I whipped it out. It hit his face with a satisfying smack. I really did try to hold back a bark of laughter, but I can only be so strong before I give in.

He dragged it from his face and threw it to the ground, glare downright murderous, “Of all the demons on this planet why, by the gods, did my brother have to pick the most insufferable-“

“You have to admit, I’m pretty handsome.”

“Arrogant-“

“Hilarious as well.”

“Selfish-“

“That’s a claim your brother could refute, believe you me.”

“Asshole!”

“I love you too, dearest brother-in-law.”

Eon let out a heavy noise quickly followed by a sound of distress, “Can you stop doing that?”

Some of the blood had soaked through the fabric and left a gross layer on my skin. I rubbed my hand over a pec, frowning. Eon was probably right. Nothing in the city probably smelled as I bad as I did in that moment. It was hard to stay clean when inflicting torture. There was an art to it. You had to inflict just the right amount of pain without killing the person. It was all about finesse and skill. Although, I was positive that this explanation wouldn't remove the disgust from the general's face. It shouldn't be so disturbing for him. He was a soldier. Surely, he'd seen worse. Done worse as well. I rolled my eyes and rubbed at the blood and sweat on my abs. Sometimes being pale was a bad thing. My chest and stomach plainly showed every smear and splatter. In every color.

“I said stop it!” Eon shouted. My fingers paused their attempt to undo the ties on my trousers.

“You're the one who complained about the smell. You've never been in a barracks? We have the same equipment, you giant baby.” Eon scowled at me, and I rolled my eyes yet again.

“Did he tell you anything?” Another voice asked from behind Eon. This one was more careful and quieter.

It was almost comical to me that Lyme was so slight that he could hide completely behind the general. He wore an unfortunate moss green tunic and maybe brown pants? It was hard to tell in the dimly lit hallway, and the kid was not known for his fashion sense. His large, round eyes darted over my skin, and I could see realization dawn on him. Lyme grimaced. And then I watched the scholar take a breath. It was amazing to see him control his instinctual repulsion and overcome his fear. The skittish little bookworm was far stronger than anyone gave him credit for. My musing was violently interrupted. Lyme’s skinny form smashed into the wall as Wren shoved him away from Eon. The, well boy really, winced, but when Eon glanced to them, he plastered on a strange smile.

Wren’s new appearance still startled me. He looked like a doll. A vicious little doll that would sooner rip your head off than play. Wren looked from Eon to me and scowled, “Get on with it, Talon. You're wasting time. Mine has never been yours to waste.”

“Settle down there, cherub. I'm getting to it.” I smirked to myself. There were rapid footsteps, and then Wren was launching himself at me. Normally, a fight with Wren would make me nervous, but this version couldn't take me. In all fairness, his other version couldn't either every time. We both knew it too. I caught him by the neck with minimal effort and calmly turned. I set him on his feet beside me, and I could see the downright rage simmering in his eyes. It was borderline hate.

“That wasn't very nice Wren. You should treat your friends better.”

“Get absolutely fucked, you impudent little shit.” He snapped.

“I am trying, but you all keep taking my lover away to do stupid adult things.”

A hand gripped my shoulder tightly, enough to bruise, and I smirked at my brother-in-law. He glowered in return, “Spit. It. Out.”

“Let's all just calm down for a minute. I'm sure Master Talon would like to clean up and have this conversation elsewhere.” Lyme reasoned.

“Fine.” Wren gathered his wounded pride and stomped off. He smacked Eon's stomach and I tore myself from the general's grip. Eon followed his partner, and I snickered at the fact that he hadn't even reacted to Wren’s hit.

“D-do you have nightmares?” I turned, glancing at Lyme. He'd really stumbled into a life he wasn't bred for. It didn't matter how strong he was emotionally; he was a weak stock.

“Nightly.”

He studied me for a moment, and I had to admit it was unnerving. Then, to my utter shock, he took another of his deep breaths and went into the cell. The one I had just left. The one I had been working in for upwards of two days. My brain was slow to react, so he was out of sight by the time I followed. I cringed. The kid was gonna get sick. Stupid. Why would a person willingly walk in there after he'd seen what I looked like? No doubt I would walk into the room just as the man tried to hold back vomit. He might even cry.

Calm was not what I expected. Lyme stood surprisingly close to what used to be Fawcell. His long sleeve was held over his nose, and his eyes had begun to water. Gasping breaths weren't muffled entirely by fabric, and I cringed again. Waiting for the impending spew of puke. At least he was breathing through his mouth. Smart. Or it would be if the air itself wasn't putrid. Lyme finally gagged when he stepped too close. I was surprised he'd lasted this long, to be honest. Shaking my head, I couldn't understand why he was subjecting himself to this.

Another gasp, then, “H-How long did you... Did you-”

“Torture him?” Lyme winced and I shrugged, “Don't know. Time flies when you're having fun.”

I did, in fact know. I knew how long, down to the minute, that I did things like this. It was how I judged how much I had corrupted my soul that day. If I hit a record maybe I’d give myself a reward at some point.

Lyme was covering his mouth now too, as he walked across the room to the small table against the wall. Keeping his nose covered, he asked, “What is this for?”

“Tillywinks.” I supplied. Lyme’s fingers trailed over the small plates and screws, “Well, technically Pillywinks, but these are mine, so...”

“But what are they for?” Lyme said, frowning at the metal thing.

“Fingers.”

Being purposely vague had worn out Lyme’s patience and he’d appeared annoyed. That had passed quickly. His face scrunched in confusion but changed as he put the pieces together. No one on this planet could say that Lyme wasn't intelligent. With wide eyes, he looked up at me, “Why are they named that? It doesn't sound like something that should be used for torture at all!”

“Mm thumb screws, head and knee crushers. Pilliwinks. It's a blanket term.” I shrugged.

He stared at me for a second, then set the device down. I expected him to be horrified and leave the room. Instead, he held up another device, “This?”

“Why do you wanna know?” I asked. He was really starting to get creepy.

“It's what I do.” It was his turn to shrug,” I collect knowledge. I'm constantly learning. My head is like a library.”

“But this?” I snatched the bloody thing from him, “Why do you need to learn about cruelty and violence? Why do you wanna be able to look at this and know it's for nail removal?”

Lyme smiled sadly up at me, “It's still knowledge. It's a reflection of our species. As we are, almost all, naturally cruel and violent. Especially when our survival is jeopardized.”

“You're a weird kid. Ya know?”

“I'm not a child. I'm not much younger than your husband.”

“It's not my fault you look the way you do. I don't know why you have a thing for Eon when Kalian exists. Hmm, gods, I'm the luckiest man alive.”

“The way I do?” he touched his fingers to his cheek, “How do I look?”

Sighing softly, I rubbed my thumb and pointer finger against my temples, “Innocent, soft, easily breakable, gullible, and so on.”

He fell silent again for a moment, “Okay. Then what's this one for?”