Plattenbau - 12. Chapter 12- No

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"No."

Alex had expected everything from being laughed at to Ed kissing him passionately, to even getting punched for saying something like that. But a simple, unemotional ‘no’ was definitely not what he expected. For a few moments, all he was able to do was to blankly stare up at the big guy before asking him what exactly he meant by that and why he was rejecting his confession of love.

But Ed just shrugged, seemingly indifferent to it all. "It's just how it is." He mumbled and turned his cold gaze away from Alex.

"But... why?" Alex stammers while tearing up. In an attempt to keep himself from shattering, he wrapped his arms around his stomach and tried to force air down his throat. He didn't know if it was the stress or because he was applying pressure to his stomach, but he could feel bile traveling up his throat once again.

The rejection wouldn't even have hit him that hard had the older man at least given him a reason why or any other emotional response. But, with neither, he was at a loss. Just minutes ago Alex had still believed that the big guy had at least some sort of feelings towards him and maybe even hoped that they could be more than whatever they had been but now he just felt stupid and miserable.

While Alex was distracted by his tumultuous thoughts, Ed quickly used the chance to glance at him. But, when he saw tears running down his cheeks Ed almost immediately regretted having done so. He hadn't meant to make the boy cry but especially after tonight, it was all too clear to him that they just would never work out. It didn't matter how much he liked the kid because at the end of the day Alex was just that. A kid.

One that needed to make mistakes and to enjoy his youth and not be tied down to some old guy who hadn't even the strength to deal with his own problems, let alone somebody else's. Ed desperately wished he could be that strong rock in a stormy sea that Alex seemingly thought he was, but he knew better. And because of that, he had to stay unwavering for once and not give into the screaming voice in his head that was telling him to pull Alex into a tight hug and to tell him that he loved him, too.

Ed quickly looked away again, feeling too overwhelmed by his emotions. He sighed and then offered Alex to just go home and to forget all of this. But, to his dismay, Alex shook his head vehemently, destroying Ed's hope of getting easily out of this uncomfortable situation.

"No, I want... I need a proper answer!" The boy demanded and wiped tears from his cheeks.

Hearing his desperate plea for an explanation made Ed's heart clench. He nervously fumbled with his keychain and told himself over and over again that he had to stay strong for both their sakes. After a moment, Ed finally managed to mumble, "I already said no."

"That's not....I just want a goddamn explanation! And for fuck's sake, would you please at least look at me?!" Alex screamed, his voice cracking mid-sentence. He had enough of Ed's stalling, and was at a point where he didn't care if he was being too loud.

"Why can't you just accept my answer?!" Ed yelled back, making the boy flinch.

However, the teen still refused to back down. "I just want to know why you don't fucking love me, too!" He yelled back even louder.

Ed tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat and continued to nervously fumble with his keys. "That's not..." he grumbled while trying his best not to fold under the pressure. It had been easy enough to just say no but now that Alex was pressing him so much for an explanation, he hadn't the slightest idea how he could get his head out of the noose.

Alex, on the other hand, got more and more frustrated with the older man with every passing minute that he didn't get what he wanted. "FUCKING HELL JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS!" He once again demanded.

"I DON'T..." Ed screamed, but then stopped himself, and quickly thought about what argument would be able to finally end this painful conversation but also not upset Alex too much.

I don't want you to hate me? I don't think I'm good enough for you? I don't want you to waste your youth? I don't want to get dumped in a few months when you finally figure out that I'm nothing more than a boring old guy with nothing to give? No!

Ed shook his head. Those arguments were all true, but saying them out loud would only prolong it instead of ending it. Suddenly, he remembered what the drunk kid at the party had said and even though it made him internally cringe, he also had to admit that this would probably be the easiest way out. "I don't want to be a replacement for your father!"

It took Alex a minute to comprehend what Ed just had said, but then his jaw dropped. How did Ed even get that idea from? He and his dad had nothing in common whatsoever! Alex thought and shook his head in disbelief. After another minute, he was finally able to say something. "What kind of bullshit is this?! Do you seriously think that that's what this is?"

Ed shrugged and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Yes, I think because of your issues with your father, you see a replacement for him in me and that's why you are so attached to me." He stated, trying to sound as convincing as he could.

But, Alex just tilted his head and skeptically questioned, "You are kidding, right?"

Ed once again felt cornered by the boy's behavior, so instead of giving anymore room to doubt him, he instead just growled, "Yes. Now get in the fucking car or do you want to walk home?!"

The drive back home wasn't much better, either. At first, Alex had tried to argue even more and to protest that Ed was completely wrong. But, after being told that if he didn't stop talking, he would be kicked out of the car, he finally shut up.

Not being able to stand the silence, Ed decided to turn on the radio. He hoped some noise would at least somewhat distract him from his thoughts. But, after having listened to the third melancholy break up song in a row, he angrily turned it off again.

Alex, who had felt just as annoyed by the music, grumbled, "Thanks." and then continued to glare at the necklace with the dog tags that were hanging on the rearview mirror.

It took them another twenty minutes of painful silence before they finally reached their destination. Ed parked the car and was about to get out when Alex suddenly grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards him. He didn't even have the chance to understand what was happening before Alex pressed his lips against his and shoved his tongue into his mouth. Both actions simultaneously shut down Ed’s mind completely as a fiery spark ran through their lips in response to the teen’s actions. The older man couldn’t help the smallest groan of lust that escaped him at the contact.

It was only a short moment before Alex finally pulled back. But, to Ed it felt like an eternity of pure bliss had just passed.

"Fucking liar." The boy grumpily stated before getting out of the car and rushing towards the 14 floors high concrete slab building while Ed continued to sit in his car, shell-shocked from what just happened.

"He will be the death of me."

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