Plattenbau - 14. Chapter 14- The Past

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Ed took a few calming breaths, and then finally knocked on the old wooden door.

Wasn't it blue the last time? Ed wondered while narrowing his eyes at the flaky, dirty door frame that had dozens of paint layers over each other, the newest being a snot green. Mom would have hated this. Ed thought, remembering that green was her least favorite color and that she had even forbidden him as a teen to paint his room any shade of the color. The bastard never cared. He even wore it on purpose to piss her off.

He nervously fumbled around with the car keys in his pocket, waiting for someone to answer the door. It took what felt like hours before the door finally opened and Ed was greeted by a blond, slightly chubby teenage boy that looked an awful lot like a younger version of himself. They both hadn’t said much more to each other because neither of them really knew what to say. After all, it had been quite a long time since they had last seen each other. Ed wasn't even sure if the kid even really remembered who he was.

Ed nervously scratched his stubbly chin and then asked, "Is your mom home?"

The boy nodded and then yelled, "MOM!" Before he turned around and rushed up the old wooden staircase that Ed himself had walked up and down so many times.

When looking at it, he noticed that the handrail was still missing from when he had gotten his head stuck and his father had to saw it off to get him out.
A cold shiver ran down his spine when he remembered the brutal beating he had gotten afterwards. Ed sighed and shook his head.

"He is dead. Stop thinking about it." He scolded himself while stepping over the threshold of his childhood home. He closed the door and just a moment later, his sister popped out of the kitchen. She had visibly aged since the last time he had seen her. Her dirty blood hair had streaks of gray in it now, and her once sparkly blue eyes looked tired and listless, as if all that fire she had had been burned out.

"Edgar, what in God's name are you doing here?" She asked while wiping off her hands on the floral apron she was wearing.

Ed cleared his throat and hesitantly replied, "I was in the area, so I thought I would come visit you. Can't I visit you guys?"

He had tried to sound as calm about it as possible. But, when she tilted her head and squinted her eyes, he knew she could still see straight through his bullshit even after all those years.

"Well I... I thought..." He helplessly stammered, and tried to come up with another explanation why he had come back, even though he had sworn almost ten years ago that he would rather kill himself than ever step another foot into the small farmhouse. But, before he could get even a single word out of his lips, Anna already stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. For a moment, Ed was too overwhelmed by her gesture to respond. But then, he sighed and put his arm around her shoulder. He genuinely had thought she would be angry with him or even hate him for leaving her to take care of their ill mother. But instead, she just seemed glad to see him again. After a moment she took a step back and looked up at him.

"Edgar. This is your home just as much as it's mine. You don't need to come up with excuses to come here. I'm just happy you finally decided to come home."

Her words held so much warmth and love but Ed still couldn't keep away the feeling of dread when she referred to this haunted place as his home. This is not my home! If it were my decision, I would burn it all to the ground! Ed thought. But, he managed to bite his tongue at the last second and to swallow the words down before they could leave his mouth. He instead nodded in response to what she had said while reminding himself that she was the last person that deserved his anger and that she had suffered under their parents just as much as he had, maybe even more.

"Anyways. Would you like to eat something? Dinner is almost ready." Anna urged cheerfully while pinching his shoulder playfully.

Ed's stomach felt like lead when he remembered what his sister considered 'food'. She definitely hadn't inherited their mother's cooking skills. He still remembered the one time when he had come back from one of his many military deployments and she had tried to cook his favorite meal because their mother's dementia had gotten so bad in the time he was gone that she was no longer allowed anywhere near the stove. Even though it was completely burned and smelled horrible, he still had forced it down in order not to make her feel bad. But, the next day, he seriously regretted it because it had given him such a bad case of food poisoning that he hadn't been able to leave the bathroom for almost four days.

"Uhm I... already ate." Ed tried to convince her but his growling stomach betrayed him, making Anna laugh and then reassure him that her cooking had gotten much better.

But Ed just rolled his eyes. Even if she had gotten better at it, that still didn't mean it was edible.

She once again punched his arm and responded with a chuckle, "Oh hush! You'll eat what you're given." She then went back into the kitchen.

Ed breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the kitchen looked completely different from what he remembered. He didn't think he could have taken it if it had still looked like back in the days. There were just too many memories that haunted the place and made him feel as if he had gone back in time.

"You even got rid of mom's collection?" Ed questioned, when he couldn't spot a single porcelain figurine.

"Yeah, they just collected dust, so I sold them. Besides, there were just too many."

Ed silently nodded, he had wanted to get rid of his part of the vast collection he'd inherited many times, too, but something always had kept him from doing so.

"Where is Daniel?" He asked his sister as he sat down on a kitchen chair. Anna, who was stirring in a pot, hesitated for a moment but then she sighed and replied, "I don't know. We... we are getting a divorce."

Ed's brotherly instincts immediately kicked in. He clenched his fists and hissed through his teeth, "Did he do something? Because if he did, then...!"

Before he could list off all the things he would do to the slimy asshole that had married his big sister she interrupted him."It's not like that, Edgar. We just... it just didn't work out." She said while looking out the window.

Ed couldn't believe what he heard. It was always the same with her. She had already been married three times before marrying Daniel and every single time she had said the exact same excuse when he had asked her why she was getting divorced. Even though the real reason why it never 'worked out' was that her husband's were sleazy dirtbags that either cheated on her as soon as they got bored of her or took off as soon as they had burned through all the money she had. Ed shook his head. He just couldn't understand why she never learned from her mistakes. Why does she fall in love over and over again just to get hurt again? Can't she ever learn from her mistakes?!

"Anna, if he did something, you don't have to defend him."

She turned towards him and stared daggers at him. "I'm not defending him! It just didn't work out, okay?!" Anna snapped back, reminding Ed of their mother. The woman also always said something like that when he tried to confront her with her husband's infidelity and horrible behavior.

"You sound like mom." Ed mumbled and immediately regretted it. But before he was able to take it back, his sister was already fuming with anger.

"Oh really?! What the fuck do you know?! You don't even know what it feels to be in love someone because you are too fucking afraid to ever let anybody in! "

"That's not true!" Ed fired back even though she hit the nail on its head. He knew very well that the reason why all his previous relationships had failed were that he constantly had kept up his walls and his emotions bottled up just because he was too afraid to get hurt.

Before Ed could further dwell on his former relationships and how he fucked them up Anna yelled, "Oh yeah?! Then name me a single person that you ever truly loved!"

Ed opened his mouth but when only one name came to his mind he closed it again. He didn't understand why of all the people he had dated, only Alex came to his mind, even though they weren't even anything more than friends, if even that. In the past few days he had often wondered if it was even really love he felt toward the little guy. Doesn't that require more than what we currently have to call it love? Ed wondered. Sure, they had gotten to know each other over the last few months, or rather he had gotten to know the teen, because unlike him the boy could talk like a waterfall. But, there was still so much he didn't know. So many things he wanted to ask but didn't dare in fear that Alex could ask him those questions back.

Ed sighed and lowered his head. "His name is Alex. He is kinda the reason why I'm here. I need your advice." He admitted and could feel a lump forming in his throat. "Because I just don't know what to do. I think I love him but I..." He shook his head, unable to talk more.

After a moment, he felt a hand on his shoulder, making him look up. He saw Anna's blurry face. Quickly, he wiped away the tears that were about to fall from his eyes and then said weakly "Anna, I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

She nodded and sat down on the chair across from him. "I know. Me too." She sighed, and they both fell silent. But, after a few minutes, Anna asked something Ed had hoped she didn't notice. "So you are gay?"

Ed nervously shifted around on his chair, not entirely sure where his sister stood on the whole accepting other sexualities. But, now that he had basically outed himself, there wasn't really a turning back. "Uhm no. I mean I still like women, it's just I don't know he is just so... different?" He managed to get out while avoiding Anna's eye contact.

She nodded, somewhat lost in her thoughts. But, just a moment later, a grin spread across her face."Ooooh somebody got a crush." She playfully teased making a wave of relief wash over Ed. With a slightly more serious tone, she then added, "Tell me about him."

"Uhm...what about dinner?" He tried to argue. But, Anna immediately saw through what he was trying to do and replied with a grin,"I just ordered some pizza, now stop avoiding the question. I wanna hear all about this guy."

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