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- 02/22/2023
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Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
The Star in my Eye - 10. Chapter 10
They rose late the next morning. Gianni was first to wake and, for a moment, he simply lay staring at the ceiling, basking in the glow of last night, lost in a hazy memory of intense, fevered touches.
“Happy New Year,” he murmured.
Slowly, reality began to reassert itself, and he realised that they ought to be getting up if they were going to get themselves together in time for Sami’s return.
Feeling thick-headed, Gianni sat up on the side of the bed and stretched, trying to psych himself up to take a wash.
He was about to lift himself up when a hand snuck out from under the sheets and took hold of his wrist.
“Showering?” Angelo mumbled sleepily.
Gianni nodded. “Yeah.”
“Can I come in with you?”
Gianni laughed slightly. “Not this time. I need to put my ‘dad’ head back on.”
Angelo sighed faintly. “’kay.”
Half an hour later, they were both showered and dressed and attempting to wake up over a strong espresso coffee and an apricot croissant. They sat at either side the dining table, yawning faintly and looking half-heartedly at yesterday’s newspapers. Freshly fed, Ennio had sprung up onto the seat next to Gianni, demanding to be fussed over.
“We should make time for ourselves more often,” Angelo said. “Last night was… just what I needed.”
“Me too,” Gianni admitted, “but it’s difficult.”
“I know, but… there’s got to be a way. We know plenty of people who’d be willing to help.”
“Reza and Tiziana seem pretty keen,” Gianni conceded, running his hand through Ennio’s soft fur; with a full belly, the cat uttered a contented purr. “I wouldn’t want to ask them to do too much, but… I think they get something out of it, too.”
“You think they’d consider adoption, after all?”
Gianni nodded. “I think they’re warming to the idea.”
As if summoned by their conversation, there was a knock at the door.
“Jesus, is that the time already?” Gianni exclaimed. Hastily finishing off his croissant, he rose from his seat – much to Ennio’s disgust – and hurried to open the door.
It was Reza, with Sami in tow. There were dark shadows under the little boy’s eyes, but he also seemed to be fizzing with energy and enthusiasm.
“Sorry, he’s a bit tired,” Reza explained. “He wouldn’t settle down last night – he kept saying he wanted to see in the New Year – but we had a great time together, didn’t we, Sami?”
“Yes!” Sami exclaimed.
Reza knelt down to say goodbye. “I have to go now, little man, but we’ll see you again soon.”
Sami threw his arms around the young man’s neck and gave him a tight hug. “Bye!”
“Thanks, Reza,” Angelo said. “You really did us a favour last night.”
Reza shook his head. “No, guys, seriously… we should be thanking you. The whole experience has given us a load to think about. Sami’s at a fun age. It’s made us wonder… why are we so keen to have a baby anyway, when there are so many older children out there who need families?”
Gianni smiled. “Glad we could help.”
Reza tipped them a wave. “See you later.”
Gianni and Angelo waved him off as he ambled back down the courtyard steps, then they closed the door and turned to Sami, who was suddenly looking a little lost.
“Welcome home, son,” Gianni said gently.
Sami nibbled his thumb for a moment and then wandered down the spiral steps to the den. Exchanging a puzzled glance, Gianni and Angelo followed him.
They found him staring up at the Christmas tree, his little rucksack discarded on the corner sofa. The coloured lights played off his bright eyes and cast strange, textured patterns on his clothing.
“I like Reza,” he said, still staring vaguely up at the shiny glass baubles.
“So we see,” Angelo replied. “That’s great, Sami.”
“He likes me.”
“We can see that, too,” Gianni said.
Sami glanced at him, then, and… was that a faint look of accusation and pain in his large brown eyes? Gianni thought he knew what it meant.
Why don’t you like me, too?
He sighed. Why was it such a tricky question for him to dismiss?
“Why don’t you tell us some more about your time together, son?” Gianni asked.
Sami’s eyes shone with sudden enthusiasm. “Me ‘n’ Reza played football by the foun’ain,” he said, “then Tiz read me a story about Mohammed while Reza did stuff in the kitchen.” His eyes widened excitedly. “Then Reza let me help him make kebab.”
“Wow,” Angelo replied, “that sounds amazing, Sami. Was the kebab tasty?”
Sami nodded fervently. “Yes! It was the best.”
There was a pause, during which Sami turned back to look at the Christmas tree. “Reza an’ Tiz don’ have one of these, though,” he said, running a hand through the prickly green foliage.
“I’m glad you had a good time,” Gianni said.
Sami looked back at him. “Can I go back again?” he asked.
Gianni nodded. “Of course you can.”
“Can I go back soon?” Sami pressed hopefully.
Doing his best to suppress a faint spark of rejection, Gianni raised a hand. “Slow down, son,” he said. “Reza and Tiziana need to fit it around all their building work… and, if you did it too often, it wouldn’t be so special anymore.”
Sami’s expression clouded. “It’s not fair,” he complained.
Gianni offered what he hoped was a sympathetic chuckle. “I’m sure it seems that way… but it’s just life, really.”
Sami’s brow knotted in a frown; apparently, Gianni’s laugh had not landed well.
“It’s not funny!” he cried.
“Hey,” Gianni said, raising both hands in submission, “I wasn’t laughing at you, Sami.”
But the little boy wasn’t listening. Gianni could sense the bubble of tiredness and overexcitement welling up inside him, threatening to burst at any moment; and he had a feeling that there was nothing either of them could do to stop it.
“I don’t want to be home,” Sami shouted, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. “I want Reza!”
As if to punctuate his last remark, he poured his frustration into the Christmas tree, grabbing at the branch he had been playing with as if to snap it off. The Christmas tree lurched dangerously, threatening to topple; it might still have survived, but Sami, startled, moved backwards while the prickly branch was still caught in his small hand.
Gianni and Angelo watched in horror as gravity took over with crushing inevitability. In what felt like slow motion, the tree toppled, ornaments flying to the floor and shattering into shards; the light cable was pulled out of the wall socket with a ‘snap’, and the whole thing hit the floor with a resounding ‘crash’, sending wreckage flying in every direction.
There was a moment’s shocked silence, then Sami burst into tears and he fled from the room, his trainers clanging harshly on the runners of the spiral staircase. Distantly, they heard his bedroom door slam.
* * *
Dumbfounded, Gianni and Angelo began to clean up the mess. The damaged Christmas tree wasn’t worth keeping, but they righted it anyway so that they could begin to clear up the shards of shattered glass.
“What just happened?” Gianni said after a while.
“An accident,” Angelo replied reassuringly, sweeping at the corners with a broom. “Try not to take it too hard.”
“Yeah, but… there’s something seriously wrong between us, don’t you think?”
Gianni pawed at the dustpan and brush, taking out some of his distress and frustration on it; pieces of wreckage went wide, skittering uselessly across the floor.
Angelo set the broom down against the wall and tugged Gianni away from the cleaning, sitting him down on the corner sofa next to Sami’s discarded rucksack. He placed a comforting arm around his shoulders.
“I think you need to take a break,” he said.
Gianni reached across and grasped his partner’s free hand, and they sat in silence for a moment. Slowly, Gianni felt his heart rate subside.
“I don’t know if I can keep doing this,” he said in a low voice. “I thought I was ready, that I knew what I was doing, but…” he tailed off miserably.
“I know we’re having a few problems,” Angelo replied gently. “But, after everything Sami’s been through, that’s not so surprising, is it?”
Gianni raised a tear-streaked face to his partner. “It’s more than that! It’s me, too. After all the time we’ve spent with Toto, Dani and Marco over the last few years, after all the times we helped them through when they were confused or upset, I thought I understood what it would be like to bring up a kid… but I got those guys; it’s sort of like we were on the same wavelength. Raising Sami… it’s something else entirely! Something I just wasn’t prepared for.”
“What are you saying?” Angelo asked.
Gianni ran an anxious hand through his short brown hair. “Sami needs somebody who gets him, don’t you think? Someone who understands what he’s going through and who’s prepared to… you know… take the rough with the smooth.” He shrugged helplessly. “I just don’t know if that’s me anymore.”
“This was only ever meant to be temporary,” Angelo conceded. “We said that when we started.”
“I know, but underneath it all… I really wanted to prove that I could be good enough to give Sami his forever home, you know? That the two of us could do it just as well as a more traditional family.”
“And now…?” Angelo prompted gently.
Gianni sighed miserably. “Now, the thought just makes me feel… trapped.”
“I get that,” Angelo murmured. “I’ve felt the same. But… what else is there for Sami?”
“Reza and Tiziana, maybe…” Gianni mumbled.
Angelo exhaled slowly. “That’d be a huge step for them. Do you really think they’re ready?”
“I don’t know,” Gianni admitted. “Maybe… I mean, they seem really taken with Sami, and Reza… I think he understands the complications they would have to deal with better than we did.”
“It would be tough on Sami to have to move again,” Angelo said.
Gianni rubbed his eyes. “I know. And what if they say no?” He shuddered. “What then? He goes back to the reception centre? We never see him again?”
There was a sudden noise from the stairs. Both of them looked round, only to find that Sami had chosen the worst possible moment to walk back in. It looked like he had stumbled and fetched up against the metal bannister; his little face was frozen in a mask of horror and dismay.
“Sami… wait…” Gianni gasped, struggling to his feet, but the little boy was already pounding back up the stairs.
Gianni caught up with him in the kitchen. The little boy was standing near the front door, tears pouring down his cheeks.
“I was comin’ to say sorry!” he cried. “I didn’ mean to pull down the tree!”
Gianni shook his head. “I know, Sami,” he said as Angelo also gained the top of the spiral stairs. “It was an accident.”
“But now, you… you wanna send me away!”
“It’s not like that, please…” Gianni took a step towards him, but the little boy backed away, edging towards the door.
Crying openly, Sami shook his head. “You’re a liar! You don’ like me, and you never have!”
“Where’s this coming from, Sami?” Gianni asked desperately.
“You said it yourself!” Sami cried. “You said… you said… how could you make me feel like part of the fam’ly when you don’ even feel it yourself?”
Finally, Gianni understood how he had managed to seed the idea in the little boy’s head all those weeks ago. Struck dumb, for a moment, by his own words, he hesitated. He opened his mouth, meaning to explain somehow, or to apologise; but the little boy didn’t want to hear it. Still sobbing, he wrenched open the door and ran out into the courtyard.
“Oh, Dio…” Gianni breathed, momentarily frozen.
“Go!” Angelo urged him, pushing him towards the doorway.
Gianni’s paralysis broke. Hastily shoving on a pair of shoes, he charged down the courtyard stairs, closely followed by Angelo. They looked up and down the street, and were just in time to see the little boy’s retreating figure disappearing through the stone archway beyond the belvedere. They gave chase.
“Maybe he’s heading for Reza’s,” Gianni panted. “Where else would he go?”
They burst forth into the tiny square beyond the archway. Sami was still well ahead of them, and he wasn’t heading for the left fork, which led safely down to the square with the fountain and Reza and Tiziana’s apartment; he was heading for the outer path, which these days only led to…
“Sami?” came a surprised voice.
It was Daniele. He was heading into the square from the left fork, and his blue eyes were watching the unfolding scene with some confusion, but he was a lot closer to Sami than they were.
“Dani!” Gianni cried desperately. “He’s heading for the landslip! Can you stop him?”
Daniele charged off down the right fork without another word.
Angelo nudged Gianni in the elbow. “I’ll take the low road,” he panted, “just in case…”
He set off down the left fork, leaving Gianni to follow the others, still a few metres behind.
Heart pounding with the unexpected intensity of the flight, Gianni rounded the final bend, then he skidded to a halt, looking on in horror.
Cornered and clearly in panic, Sami was standing on the final few loose fragments of crazy paving, his back to the drop. Daniele was there, too, dangerously close to the edge himself in his attempt to reach the other boy.
“Come on, Sami,” Daniele breathed, extending an entreating arm towards the little boy. “Let’s go back a bit.”
“No!” Sami shook his head vigorously, edging closer to the drop.
Daniele hesitated and drew back.
“What do I do?” he asked desperately, turning his anxious gaze to Gianni.
“It’s okay,” Gianni said, edging slowly towards them, realising that, if the path collapsed, he would only be able to save one of them at best. “Just come away from the edge, please.”
Daniele shook his head. “I can’t. Not with…”
But he never finished the sentence. There was an ominous creaking sound from beneath them, and they glanced down at their feet in alarm, then the loose paving gave way in a shower of displaced dirt, sending both of them tumbling over the edge with a cry of dismay.
Gianni was already on the move, driven only by instinct. With an incoherent shout, he threw himself forward, arms outstretched… and his hands closed on Daniele’s.
The teenager fetched up against the side of the drop with a grunt of pain, eyes screwed shut, as Sami vanished from view in a cloud of dust.
With one last effort, Gianni heaved Daniele back onto solid ground, then he sank down onto the paving stones. Daniele looked on in confusion as Gianni scrambled backwards, staring in horror at the dust cloud rising where the little boy had been only moments before.
“Oh, Dio…” Gianni whispered hoarsely. “What have I done?”
* * *
There was a moment’s anxious silence, but then something seemed to catch Daniele’s eye down below, and he gestured frantically for Gianni to come closer.
“Quickly!” he urged.
Reluctantly, Gianni dragged himself back to the edge, and his eyes widened in shock.
Somehow, incredibly, Reza was picking his way carefully up the landslip with a quivering Sami in his arms. Angelo had Reza by the arm and was helping to steady him. As they reached the point where the untidy heap of fallen ground rose closest to the surviving section of path, Angelo clambered up first and turned round so Reza could pass Sami up to him.
“Guess who I ran into on his way back from the shops,” Angelo panted as he knelt down again to help the other young man scramble back up onto solid ground. “Reza came with me in such a hurry, I think his groceries ended up in the fountain…”
As soon as Reza was on his feet, Sami ran back into his arms, sobbing quietly.
“Do you want to talk to him…?” Angelo asked Gianni quietly, gesturing at the little boy.
Gianni shook his head wretchedly. “I can’t… not after this.”
“All right,” Angelo said. He glanced uncertainly at Reza and Sami. “We’d better go and get him looked at. I’ll… check in on you later.”
“Take care of yourself, Gianni,” Reza said, and they left, Angelo whispering reassuringly into Sami’s ear.
Gianni was left with Daniele. He remained where he was, sitting defeatedly on the ground.
The blond-haired boy shuffled over to him, his blue eyes wide and troubled.
“W-why did you save me?” he asked.
“Because…” Gianni took a shuddering breath. “Because you mean more to me than my own son does,” he confessed.
Suddenly, tears were rolling down his cheeks. He buried his face in his hands, utterly ashamed of himself.
He heard Daniele shuffle closer and then the blond-haired boy encircled him in his arms, leaning his head against Gianni’s own.
“Thank you,” Daniele said quietly.
They separated once Gianni had got himself under control. They sat down together at a safe distance from the landslip, propping themselves up against an old stone retaining wall for support.
“You were great there, Dani,” Gianni said. “I’m sorry I put you in danger.”
Daniele shrugged. “I just wanted to help… but when I saw Sami balanced on the edge like that, I didn’t know what to do.” He gave Gianni a pained glance that, incredibly, seemed to suggest guilt at his own part in things. “What happened between you, anyway?”
Gianni shook his head. “We… I… lost his trust.” He sighed. “That is, if I ever had it in the first place.”
“Oh,” Daniele said in a small voice, glancing down to fiddle with a little piece of mortar lying loose by the foot of the wall.
“What were you doing up here, Dani?” Gianni asked.
“I was coming to see you and Sami.” He frowned. “I’d just come from Marco’s. His dad was there, and he wouldn’t let me see him. He said I wasn’t welcome.”
“That’s lousy,” Gianni said.
“Could you talk to him?” Daniele asked hopefully.
“I…” Gianni shook his head. “We – that is, your parents, Elena and I, tried that already. It… didn’t help.”
“Oh,” Daniele said again. He ground the little piece of mortar into the paving stones; it disintegrated into powder.
“Anyway,” Gianni said, “after what’s just happened, I don’t think I’d ever trust myself to help anyone again.”
“I think you should,” Daniele mumbled.
“I don’t even know what’s going to happen now,” Gianni confessed.
“Will Sami be moving out?” Daniele asked quietly.
Gianni nodded. “I guess so.” When Daniele’s blue eyes widened with fresh dismay, Gianni placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “There’s a chance – just a chance, mind you – that Reza might be willing to take him. He and Angelo are probably talking about it right now.”
“Really?” Daniele asked hopefully.
Gianni nodded. “Really.” He sighed once more. “I don’t know how I’m going to come back from this, Dani.”
Daniele ran a thoughtful hand through his soft blond hair, then he fixed Gianni with an unnervingly determined look with his light blue eyes.
“Do you really want to do something good?” he asked.
Gianni nodded. “Anything.”
“Then there is one thing you could do,” Daniele said. “And if you could, I think… I think it would be a really big help.”
* * *
Gianni returned home in miserable silence. He sat at the dining table, sipping at a glass of mineral water, while he waited for Angelo to return.
Before too much longer, he heard Angelo’s key turning in the lock and he rose to meet him, unsure of how he’d be received.
As soon as Angelo saw him, he came hurrying over and pulled him into a heartfelt embrace, settling Gianni’s fears at once. Gianni found himself sobbing once again, and his partner quietened him with a kiss to the forehead.
“How’s Sami?” Gianni asked.
“A few cuts and bruises, but he’s going to be fine,” Angelo replied. “He’s with Reza and Tiziana. I’m going back to pick him up later.”
Gianni turned and walked away, staring out through one of the dining area windows. “I can’t go on,” he said. “I know we made a commitment to Sami, but I just can’t. Not after this.”
“I know,” Angelo replied, inching closer.
“What are we going to do?” Gianni asked miserably.
Angelo wound an arm around his shoulders. “It’s going to be okay.” He gave Gianni’s shoulders a squeeze. “Reza and Tiziana have agreed to take him.”
At Angelo’s miraculous words, a small portion of the burden that had been weighing Gianni down lifted, leaving his heart feeling just a little lighter.
“They have?” he asked, barely daring to believe it.
Angelo nodded. “It’ll take a little while to sort out, but they seem keen to give it a try. Reza seems to know what they’re getting into… and, if it goes well, they’re even talking about adoption.” He smiled slightly. “And, you know what…? I think they’d probably be allowed to do it, too.”
* * *
A couple of weeks later, on a sunny January morning, three people stood lined up outside a small apartment building near Piazza Fontana, holding hands. Sami was wearing his little rucksack, in which he had insisted on packing his most favourite books and toys. In his free hand, Gianni held a suitcase containing the rest of Sami’s things, including all the clothes they had bought him and the presents they had given him for Christmas. A few metres back, in the shade of a maple tree on the edge of the fountain square, Daniele and Giacomo stood watching.
There was the sound of footsteps on the ceramic tiled apartment stairs, and then Reza and Tiziana appeared, hand in hand. Releasing Gianni and Angelo, Sami ran forward to greet them, and they pulled him into a group hug.
“Ciao, little man,” Reza said with a smile. “Welcome to your new home.”
Sami let go of them and stood back a step, looking uncertainly from one family to the other.
“Is this it?” he asked Gianni and Angelo. “Are we done?”
Gianni nodded. “Yes, Sami… I guess we are.”
For a moment, Sami seemed to wrestle with his feelings. He stood there, small and downhearted, his large brown eyes gleaming a little brighter than usual, but then he stepped forward and wrapped his arms tightly around Angelo’s waist.
“Arrivederci, sport,” Angelo said, an unaccustomed catch in his voice.
Sami released him and then stepped uncertainly towards Gianni. He hesitated, then threw his arms around Gianni for one final hug. Caught off-guard, Gianni hugged him back, running a hand through the little boy’s soft black hair for one last time.
“Thank you for taking care of me,” Sami mumbled, then he released him, returning to his new family and taking them by the hands.
Reza offered Gianni and Angelo a sympathetic smile. “Don’t be strangers, guys,” he said.
Angelo offered him a watery laugh. “Are you kidding? In a town this size, you won’t be able to get rid of us.”
“Come on, Sami,” Tiziana said gently, leading the little boy towards the apartment stairs. Reza followed, and then they were gone, vanishing into the gloom of the stairway with a parting wave.
“Can you believe it?” Gianni murmured. “Even after everything I did, he thanked me.”
Angelo wrapped an arm around his shoulders once more. “You did a lot more good for him than bad, Gianni. Thanks to you…”
“Thanks to us,” Gianni insisted with a sad smile.
Angelo inclined his head. “All right. Thanks to us, he got to stay near his friends, and he got to experience life in a stable home for the first time in who knows how long. I’m sure it’s only onwards and upwards for our Sami.”
“Thanks,” Gianni mumbled.
Angelo tugged him away. “Anyway,” he said, “we should get going. We’ve got work to do.”
As they returned to the square, Daniele stepped forwards to greet them.
“Thanks for letting us come and watch,” he said.
Gianni gave him a small smile. “You’re welcome, Dani. After all, you’ve known Sami for longer than any of us.”
“We’ll… see you later?” Daniele asked.
Gianni nodded. “Three o’clock. We’ll be waiting.”
* * *
They spent the rest of the morning cleaning the house and making ready, focusing extra attention on the little room that had been Sami’s, changing the sheets and dusting and vacuuming every corner.
“Do you think we’re doing the right thing?” Gianni asked.
Angelo nodded. “I do… and it’ll be different this time, Gianni, I’m sure of it. I’m only surprised that his parents agreed to it.”
Gianni shrugged. “I guess they really were serious when they said they’d have no part in it.”
Angelo came over to him and twined his arms about his shoulders. “Our turn will come, Gianni,” he said. “When we’re a bit older and we’re both more ready to settle down, we’ll have our own children. We’ll find a way.”
Gianni hugged him back. “You mean it?”
With a familiar half-smile, Angelo nodded. “If it’s what we both still want, it’ll happen.”
Gianni planted a kiss on his lips. “I love you,” he said.
Angelo smiled. “I know.”
Distantly, there was a knock from downstairs.
Gianni’s eyes widened and he checked his watch. “Dio… that can’t be them, already?”
Angelo chuckled. “Well, don’t just stand there…” he urged him.
They hurried down the stairs into the deserted kitchen diner, where Ennio sat on the old church pew, washing his paws and glancing at them with utter disinterest. Alfredo, however, seemed to realise that something important was about to happen, and he heaved himself out of his dog bed and accompanied them to the entrance.
“Deep breaths, everyone…” Gianni said, and he opened the door.
Marco stood on the doorstep, weighed down with an enormous green rucksack that he must have borrowed from someone else. He looked like he had been crying, with fresh tear-tracks streaking his cheeks and a couple of droplets still clinging to his eyelashes. Down in the courtyard, Daniele and Giacomo waited patiently, carrying the rest of Marco’s belongings in two large suitcases.
“Ciao,” the mousy-haired boy mumbled.
“Come on in, Marco,” Gianni said. “We’ve literally just finished making up your room.”
Marco took a few faltering steps into the kitchen, slipped the rucksack off his shoulders and then walked straight into Gianni’s arms, burying his face in his chest as he sobbed.
Touched, Gianni closed his arms around the teenager’s narrow shoulders for a moment. Angelo moved in from the side, pulling them both into the briefest of hugs.
“It’s all right, Marco,” Gianni said gently. “You don’t need to be afraid anymore.” He smiled. “We’ve got you.”
- End -
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Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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