Don't Blame The Band - 6. R & R - Recovery and Revenge

Wednesday September 21

Time goes by slowly when you're lying in a hospital bed without a whole lot to do. Mom brought me a couple books, but that gets boring after a while. I've been trying to write some lyrics, but everything is coming out dark. No surprise there, I guess. I don't know which emotion is strongest in my mind right now. Hate? Yeah, that's up there. If I ever find out who did this to me, I'd love to return the favor. Depression? Yep, got that too. Maybe I should write a song - 'My Life Without My Balls.' Anger? I guess that goes right along with hate. They're all drowning out the one emotion that's been my driving force lately, love. I try to think about Anthony, what he means to me, but the circumstances I find myself in keep pushing those thoughts to the background. The doctor came by earlier, exercised my voice some. He's happy with my progress. I still think I sound like a frog that's been smoking for a hundred years. Wow, a break in the boredom. Someone's coming into my room. I haven't seen him before.

"Good morning Mr. Daggett. I'm Doctor Anson. I'm a staff psychiatrist here. I get called in when patients have to have something amputated, or in your case, I suppose removed is slightly more accurate. While unusual, your case isn't completely unique. I have had a few other patients like you. I understand that your speech is limited as well. Doctor Smithson told me I can let you talk, but no more than 5 minutes at a time, so I'll probably need to come back again in a few hours. Can you tell me how you feel about the bilateral Orchiectomy?"

"It's Pete. Angry, hateful, depressed."

"All perfectly reasonable in your case. What about a sense of loss? And not just of the body parts, but what that might mean for you going forward?"

"Yes. I wonder if my relationship can withstand it."

"If your partner is patient, there are methods to assist getting and maintaining an erection after this kind of operation. For example, men who have testicular cancer often return to having a relatively full sex life. Obviously, everyone is different, but there's no reason to give up. You're young. Medical science is making progress all the time. A lot of the sex drive is mental. With the right attitude, your recovery could be nearly complete. Obviously, you'll never be able to father children, but there are alternatives there as well."

"That's not really an issue. I'm gay."

"I understand. Then you would have potentially explored a number of those avenues yourself at the right time. OK, I don't want to tax your voice too much yet. Over time it will get better, and we can talk longer. I see you have a pad. Make a list of questions and concerns and we can address them next time. It was good meeting you Pete. Remember, attitude controls many things in your life. Stay positive and things will work out."

"Bye."

Well, I guess that was helpful, considering how short the visit was. Still doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't mind giving the idiots that did this to me their own bilateral Orchiectomy. Preferably with a dirty knife.

Marie comes by again in the afternoon to take me to see Anthony. He's looking better and expects to make a full recovery. He'll have some long-term concerns about the lung collapsing again, but otherwise minimal impacts. Add jealousy to the negative emotions hounding me. I know I should be happy for him, but it's hard when facing a potentially completely different future than I had a few days ago. Dr. Anson came by again, we had a slightly longer talk. I guess little by little it's helping me, but I think my mental recovery is going to take a lot longer than my physical recovery. One more visit from Dr. Smithson as well. The voice continues to improve. I'll be able to hold a conversation for more than a couple minutes, whether it will ever be strong enough to sing again remains to be seen.

Cathy and RB came by to visit this evening as well. It was good seeing them again. Our conflicts are behind us and we're civil to each other. They are both obviously upset and pissed off at whoever did this, but like me, can't do anything about it. I'm still hopeful something will happen, so they'll get caught.

Thursday September 22

Another decent night's sleep and the voice has improved significantly. Still not 100%, but I think it's more than halfway back. There's no pain when I talk and it's returning close to normal. The frog has at least given up smoking. The pain in my groin is pretty much non-existent. The doctor thinks I can go home tomorrow. My head is clear and the only real pain I'm experiencing is in my shoulder. I'm on OTC pain relievers now. No more strong stuff, which is good. Getting hooked on painkillers is not something I need to add to the mix. I can get in and out of bed on my own. Being mobile helps the attitude quite a bit. I visit Anthony a couple times a day; we've even snuck in a few minutes of kissing. That's probably been the biggest attitude boost.

I've also found out that one of the witnesses recognized the asshole who beat Anthony. At least he'll see some justice. My assholes on the other hand, decent descriptions, but no suspects yet. Apparently, there were four of them. No wonder I got it worse than Anthony. I suppose I should be happy I'm still alive. I think if they weren't interrupted while they were beating me, that may very well not have been the outcome.

The rest of the guys came by again today. I'm happy for the visits but seeing them is just a reminder of the possibility that my music career could be over. I can't fault them obviously, but a painful reminder is a painful reminder, intent or not. Especially since Dr. Smithson said I should wait 3 or 4 weeks before trying to stress my voice in any way. I told them they may want to consider looking for a replacement, but they're against that. At least for the moment. Michelle called to express her concern and to see how I was doing. Again, just another reminder of what I may have lost.

Friday September 23

I'm going home. I stopped in to see Anthony before I was cleared to go. We spent a few minutes making out. Even there I'm a little hesitant, but it's because of the collapsed lung. I don't want to stress his breathing. He insists it's not a problem, but I figure better safe than sorry, at least until he's released. That could be as soon as tomorrow though. Things are starting to return to normal. I'll have to take it easy for another week or two, but at least I'll be out of here and can go places and do things.

Saturday September 24

Yea! Anthony's home. I'm going over there in a little while to spend the rest of the day with him. I may show him the dark and dismal poems I wrote in the hospital. I figure if I end up not being able to sing well enough anymore, maybe I can still be part of the band as far as supplying them new songs. Of course, I expect to do some heavy duty making out, breathing limitations in mind. We can't have any kind of sex yet until my doctor says it's OK, but just being with him, holding him close is going to be great. Aside from a few kisses in the hospital, it's been way too long since we had any time together.

I get to Anthony's around 2:00. We head up to his room and start kissing. I have to try to control my enthusiasm due to my surgery. I don't want to rush things and pay for it later. I start undressing him with the intent of sucking him.

"Are you OK with me sucking your dick? Not too stressful on your lungs?"

"Yes, no limits in that regard, but what about you, I thought you said no sex of any kind until the doctor says so."

"Only as related to my sex organ. I'm OK helping you out. I need the closeness with you."

"OK. It's not fair that I can't satisfy you, but as long as you're OK with a one-way street for a while..."

"Yes, I understand my current limitations. Like I said, I need to be with you in every way still possible."

Talk ends and I start sucking Ant's dick. I'm not just sucking it; I'm making love to it. Taking it slowly and building up the level of attention I'm giving to it. After just a couple minutes, Ant is going crazy, begging me to speed up but I continue the buildup. I finally get to the point where I'm sucking hard and fast. Ant cums explosively into my mouth, I struggle to swallow it all, but I succeed. Ant is panting hard. He finally recovers enough to talk after a couple more minutes.

"Oh God, Pete. That was the most amazing thing ever. It's a good thing my lung is back to normal, you could have killed me. Get up here, I need to give you a thank you kiss."

We kiss again, wrestling with each other's tongue for a few minutes before Ant needs a break.

"God, I love you, Pete. I hope you can recover enough to be able to make love to me again. After what happened to us, I really want us to make love. Obviously, I can wait until you're healed, but I'm ready."

"I understand what you're saying. Yes, I'm ready too, mentally. Hopefully we can make it work both ways."

"I know this is going to sound strange, but can I see what they did?"

"No, I understand you'd be curious. As difficult as it may be, it has to be a look but don't touch situation."

"Yes, I get it."

I undress and let Ant examine my pubic area. I feel a little funny about it, having an empty scrotum, but it's just one more thing I need to get used to.

"It doesn't look bad. The stitches are already starting to dissolve. It's still beautiful."

"Thanks."

"OK, we need to get serious now. I have something else to share with you."

"Um, OK. Nothing bad I hope?"

"Not bad for us, but hopefully bad for four guys from your town."

"Four guys? You mean my attackers?"

"Yes."

"You know who they are?"

"Not exactly, well, not me. Remember when we were first dealing with Midtown, I made a comment about my uncles and cousins making them an offer they couldn't refuse?"

"Yeah... I thought you were joking."

"I was, sort of, it's really only one uncle and two cousins. Anyway, they've done their own investigating and have definitely found out who it was."

"No doubts?"

"None at all."

"Sooooo, what's the plan? Turn them into the police?"

"No. Their proof wouldn't be good enough for the cops, and probably couldn't get them convicted, so that would be a waste and probably piss them off more. They want to handle it themselves. Uncle Marco wanted to know if we wanted to take part in providing their 'punishment.'"

"As much as I'd love to, it's not worth going to jail over."

"Whatever gets done to them, they couldn't press charges against us without it coming out what they did to you. My attacker has already been arrested, but I wasn't hurt as bad. The level of revenge I feel for him is nowhere near what I feel for these four. Whether you want to or not, I'll be joining my family when the time comes."

"Fuck. I mean I dreamt of what I would do to them if I ever found out who it was, but making it happen? I don't know. I gotta think about this for a while."

"Of course. I've had a little more time to digest it than you have. They're not going anywhere. As far as I know, they don't even know anybody suspects them."

"How long have you known?"

"I found out Thursday. I didn't want to tell you while you were still in the hospital, in case you took it badly."

"Wow."

"Yeah, it's easier to find things out when you're not limited to what the cops can and can't do. Anyway. Think about it, let's go get dinner with the fam and maybe later, if you're not too distracted, you can give me another fabulous blowjob. I know you loved it too."

"Oh yes I did."

We headed downstairs to the kitchen to a virtual feast. The Rossi's were definitely celebrating Ant's return home. Fortunately upon my release from the hospital I was cleared of dietary limitations. It'd be hell looking at all this food and not be able to eat most of it. Ant's father started the conversation.

"So, Pete, how are you feeling? Recovering well from your attack?"

"I'm doing pretty well. The shoulder is sore sometimes, but everywhere else is healing pretty well and not causing physical pain."

"Well, it's definitely good to see you again, and you seem to be in pretty good spirits, all things considered."

"A lot of that has to do with this guy."

I grab Ant's hand and hold it up.

"Yes. He's happier today than he was in the hospital as well. You're definitely good for each other. I don't want to embarrass you, so I'll be subtle, but I hope one of your injuries doesn’t cause long-term problems."

"Um, yeah. Me too."

"OK, maybe not subtle enough. Your voice is sounding pretty good though. What about singing?"

"My doctor thinks I should take it easy for another 2 to 3 weeks. I'm hopeful, but not very confident it will come back as strong as it was before. All I can do is wait and hope."

"Well, we'll be pulling for you. It would be a shame if you were unable to continue. You have a lot of talent."

"Thanks."

"Do you think you'll be able to handle things like ballads? Maybe the band can tone down the set list if you are limited."

"I guess that's a possible option Mrs. Rossi. Again, only time will tell."

When dinner is over, I thank them for the wonderful meal. Ant and I start to head back up to his room, but Marie stops us.

"Um, Pete?"

"Yeah?"

"Um. I've been curious. Do you think you can let me see, you know, where you had the operation?"

"God Marie, how rude can you be?"

"Sorry Ant. OK, never mind. I was just wondering what someone looked like, without them."

"It's OK. You wanted to see yourself before Ant."

"Yeah, but I'm your boyfriend. She's..."

"A good friend. She brought me to see you in the hospital before I was able to get around by myself. If I didn't get to see you until a couple days later, I might have gone crazy. I don't think it's a big deal."

"Alright. I guess it's your choice. But like he told me Marie, look but don't touch. Let's go upstairs to my room."

We go back to Ant’s room. I take off my pants and underwear, lie down on his bed and spread my legs so Marie can take a look. It seems a little weird. She's only the second girl to ever see me down there, not counting nurses, but since I have no feelings for her like I did with Cathy, my dick is soft.

"Can you lift it so I can see better?"

"Oh geez."

"It's OK Ant. At least she didn't move it by herself."

I move my penis out of the way and Marie takes a look.

"It does look a little weird. Thanks for showing me, Pete. I guess it was a little odd for me to ask, but I don't know. I'll probably never get the chance again."

"Yeah, I get it. We don't need to play round two of show me yours and I'll show you mine. Ha ha."

With that, Marie leaves. Ant lies down on his bed next to me.

"I'm sorry Pete. That was just too fuckin' weird. I had no idea she was going to do that."

"It's OK, really. After a few different nurses changing the bandages, I got used to being looked at. At least it wasn't like I was part of a circus side-show. Step right up and see the no-ball boy!"

"Ha. I'm glad you can joke about it."

"Well, the psychiatrist in the hospital said attitude was important. I figure if you can't laugh at yourself, it'll bother you too much when other people laugh at you."

"Well, balls or not, ha ha, I do love you."

That started another round of kissing. I have a follow-up visit with my regular doctor on Tuesday. I definitely need to talk to him about testosterone treatments or something. I want to do so much with Ant now, I'll be crushed if I can't perform.

"So, back to your uncle and cousins."

"Yeah, what are you thinking?"

"I think I would enjoy seeing them suffer. I don't know what they plan to do, so actually taking part may not happen, but I definitely want to watch."

"Cool. I'll let Uncle Marco know and he'll set it up."

Sunday September 25

"Hello?"

"Hi Pete."

"Hey Ant. What's up?"

"What are you doing this afternoon?"

"Nothing really. I'll probably just watch the race."

"I have a better idea."

"Yeah, what?"

"Take a ride with me and a couple other members of my extended family. They have a few people you might like to meet."

"Already?"

"Uncle Marco doesn't believe in wasting time."

"Wow. Sure. What time?"

"We can be there around one."

"I'll be ready."

1:00 arrives and Ant comes to the door. I yell to my parents I'm going out with Ant. They obviously don't have a problem with it. We get into his Uncle's Lincoln.

"Hello Pete. I've heard a lot about you. Did Anthony let you know what we'll be doing?"

"In general terms, yes."

"That's good enough. I'm going to ask you both to put these blindfolds on. It's better if you don't know exactly where we're going."

"Um. OK."

I'm starting to get nervous. This is getting to be a bit too real for me. But I'm committed now, and I do want to see those assholes suffer. We put the blindfolds on. Marco stops the car a few minutes later.

"OK, you can take them off. You're not going to be able to tell where we are. Don't use any names."

He's right. We're in a garage that could be anywhere. We get out of the car and follow him into another section of the building. Maybe it was a warehouse at some point? Basically, a huge open room. I see four guys tied to chairs. One of them is Jack Turner. He's the one that called me a faggot in school when the news broke. I recognize one of the other guys from school, but I don't know his name. The other two are a little older, but look a lot like Jack, so I'm guessing they're older brothers. As I get closer, Jack reacts.

"Oh, fuck."

Apparently, he didn't know why they were here. My arrival scared the shit out of him.

"What are you guys going to do?"

Marco replies, "Be patient you little prick, you'll find out soon enough."

I finally notice the other two guys who must be Ant's cousins. They were standing a little away from the four losers. What's more of a shock is that they're wearing full body coverings. A closer look, the 4 chairs are all on a huge plastic sheet. I'm starting to get the feeling I don't really want to know what's going to happen. But of course, another side of me is hoping it's really painful. Marco hands Ant and me the same kind of suit and grabs one for himself. We put them on, but I'm getting more and more nervous as time goes on.

************* Graphic violence warning *************

"Which one of you kicked my friend here in the head?"

No answer.

"OK, we'll just assume you all did."

Marco picks up a two-by-four and smacks Jack in the side of the head with it. He didn't swing as hard as he could, so I have a glimmer of hope this won't end up like I'm afraid it will. He continues down the line until all four are dazed from the makeshift club.

"Let's see if they're a little more cooperative now. Who hit or kicked him in the shoulder?"

They can't move their hands much, but it's obvious that three of them pointed at the other high school kid in chair number 3. Now that I am closer, I'm sure I know him from somewhere, but I'm already so upset about what's happening, I can't place him. Marco takes the board and crashes it down on the kid's shoulder. He screams in pain. That was a lot harder swing than the head shot. I'm dreading the next question.

"Who kicked him in the throat?"

More pointing, this time at #4. Jack is in chair #1 by the way. Marco swings the board at #4. Hits him across the jaw because he figured out what was coming and tried to protect his neck. The hit is hard enough to tip the chair. Not completely, but the front legs leave the ground.

"A and B, go ahead and cut their pants open."

A and B I assume are the two cousins. They do as requested. All four of them now have their genitals exposed.

"I'm not even going to ask, because it doesn't matter. You all get the next punishment."

Marco picks up a large knife, walks up to Jack, who's blubbering no, no, over and over again. Marco grabs Jack's dick and balls, pulling them away from his body. The knife comes down and blood sprays out of Jack's groin. Jack screams. A, or B, I don't know which, we'll go with A, now has a blow torch and points it at Jack's groin. The bleeding stops, but the screaming gets louder.

"Gag him."

A picks up his genitals and forces Jack's mouth open, shoving them in.

Marco turns to me, offering the knife. No fucking way do I want to do anything more. I'm not even sure I want to watch anymore.

"Can I go back to the car? I really don't want to see anymore."

Marco nods and I go back to the garage. Over the next few minutes, I hear six more screams. I'm assuming one each with the knife and one each with the torch. I'm starting to feel sick to my stomach, but fortunately I'm able to fight off the urge to vomit. It gets quiet for a while, but then I start hearing muffled screams. The screams change pitch a few times and then I can tell it's only one person screaming. I'm guessing the others are unconscious, hoping actually, but I'm almost positive they're dead. Finally, the last screams stop. A minute later Marco comes into the garage to get my coveralls.

************* End of graphic violence *************

"We'll be leaving soon."

A few minutes later, all of the Rossi's come back into the garage and get into the car. Ant, myself and one of his cousins in the back seat.

"Are they.... dead?"

"Not yet. But soon. They have one more punishment left."

"But we're leaving."

"We don't need to be there for the last piece. You and Anthony, put the blindfolds back on please."

"Yes sir."

Once we're blindfolded, the garage door goes up and we pull away. A little while later we stop in front of Ant's house. Marco turns around and looks at me.

"I'm sure I don't need to tell you this, but I feel I have to. What you saw didn't happen. We went out to lunch at Dominick's and were nowhere near that warehouse. Understand?"

"Y-y-yes s-sir."

I don't think either of Ant's cousins said one word throughout the whole thing. Ant and I get out and go inside. We go up to his room and I start shaking uncontrollably.

"What did we do? What happened after I left? No, maybe I don't want to know. God Ant, I thought maybe they were going to rough them up some. They're not really dead, are they?"

(Looking at his watch) "By now, almost definitely."

That did it. I ran into Ant's bathroom and threw up. I kept throwing up until there was nothing coming out but spit. Ant was right by my side the whole time.

"How are you so calm? I'm totally freaked out. I don't know how I'm going to live with this. I, I..."

"Well, it's not the first time I witnessed anything like that."

"WHAT? Holy fuck!!"

"Come on. Let's go back into the bedroom and we can talk about this."

I'm actually afraid of Ant right now. If he can watch something like that and not feel like shit... What kind of guy is he really?

"I'm sorry I put you through that. I thought by some of your comments you'd love to see them get punished."

"Yeah, punished. But what your uncle and cousin did, I suspect both cousins, that went way beyond anything I was expecting. I was thinking a beating. Maybe, maybe, at worst cutting their balls off. God Ant, that was torture. I can't even fathom how you were able to put up with that. You didn't, didn't, do anything yourself, did you?"

I see Ant hesitate. Considering lying to me and saying no.

"Fuck, you did. What the fuck did you do?"

"I, um, performed one of the surgeries and the corresponding gagging."

"Fuck. Oh, fuck no. You... No, you couldn't have."

"Sorry Pete. I did. I also helped tie them up after taking them off the chairs. But that was it. Carlo lit the fuse."

"Fuse. What? But they were still alive when we left, so... Oh God no. You burned them alive?"

Ant didn't have to answer.

"No. No way. I gotta get out of here. God. I thought I knew you. Fuck, I loved you. But, but, you're a fucking psycho like your uncle and cousins. I need time. Holy fuck."

I got up and left. Ant didn't chase me. If he was upset, he didn't show it.

A little while later, I'm back home trying to avoid my parents. Mom calls me for dinner. Fuck, I know I couldn't eat without hurling again. I tell her I'm not feeling well and lie down on my bed. It's 6:00 and I decide to turn my TV on. If Ant's family burned the place down, it'll be on the news. Sure enough, lead story, burning warehouse, 4 unidentified bodies. Fuck. I'm going to end up in jail. Murder, arson. If I had anything left in my stomach, I'd be throwing up again. Those assholes probably ruined my singing career and my sex life. Ant just ruined my whole fucking life. I just sit on my bed staring at the TV, no clue what's going to happen to me.

"Pete, Ant's on the phone."

"OK, be right there."

Not that I want to talk to him right now, if ever.

"Hey."

"Hi Pete. I'm really sorry I pulled you into this. If I knew it would be so hard for you, I wouldn't have asked if you wanted to come along."

"Hard for me? Shit Ant, it would be hard for anyone. The worst part is I don't think I know you anymore. Like I said when I left before. I need time. It's a lot to digest. I know we need to talk more, but, well, it's not a good time."

"Yeah, I get it, you don't want your parents to overhear anything."

"That's part of it. I'm just... I don't know. I can't think straight right now. I'll call you tomorrow after school, probably come over too. I gotta think this through."

"OK. Take whatever time you need. I can't lose you. I really thought I was helping you cope with the attack. I obviously made it worse. Have a good night."

"I'll try. You too."

"I love you, Pete."

"Yeah. Bye."

Shit. School. It would have been bad enough to face people after getting beat. Knowing I contributed to killing the guys that beat me. God, and sooner or later they'll identify Jack and the other kid. How many people know he called me a name? Will I be questioned simply because he's missing? Geez Ant. What the fuck did you get me into? Nobody's going to suspect you, you live in another fucking town...

"Is everything OK dear?"

"Yeah, mom. Just a little disagreement with Ant. Nothing I can't handle."

"OK. I hope you can work it out. He's such a nice boy."

I have to use every ounce of control to not laugh in her face. If you only knew, mom.

Monday September 26

I walk into school, and I'm hit with 'welcome back,' 'how are you doing?' and even some 'where were you?' questions and comments. I run across Jim on my way to class.

"Shit man, I didn't even know you were in the hospital until Friday. What the hell happened?"

"The gay boy got beat for being a faggot."

I turn down the hall to get to my class.

"Pete. Wait."

I keep going. If I have to explain to anybody what happened, I'll probably mix things up and spill something about yesterday. Better to just say I got beat up and leave it at that. Of course, when I get to class, everybody wants to know what happened. Same thing, I got beat up, no I don't want to talk about it. My brain is saying 'just leave me the fuck alone' but that wouldn't help the situation if I said it out loud. Mr. Billings starts taking roll, when he gets to me, I get another 'welcome back.' A minute or two later, he gets to a name that sets of an alarm in my head because the kid isn't here. Lester Mavis. Great, now I know the other kid's name that I helped kill.

Lunch tries to be a repeat of the first day of school. But I finally get tired of the questions, pick up what's left of my lunch and dump it in the trash on my way out. I just head outside and sit up against the wall, hoping nobody else comes out and wants to talk. I finally get a break and I'm alone until the bell rings signifying the end of the period. I head to my locker, pick up my Trig book and head to another 3rd degree disguised as a class. Fortunately, by the end of the day, pretty much everybody knows I don't want to be bothered and my last class is actually a return to normal. The final bell rings and I panic. I have to walk home. Last week I never got that far before being jumped. I know the odds are small that it'll happen again, but I'm still scared. I'm looking around so much on my walk home, I almost trip over an uneven spot on the sidewalk. I finally get home, still scared as hell.

"You OK Pete? You look like something happened again."

"No mom. I just got scared walking home, thinking another beating was around every corner. I knew it probably wouldn't happen, but I still freaked out. I'll be OK. I'm going to call Ant and see if I can go over. We need to straighten out yesterday's disagreement."

"OK. Let me know if you're staying there for dinner."

"Will do."

Not likely.

"Hello?"

"Hi Ant."

"Pete. How was school? You get bombarded with questions too?"

"Yeah. I was pretty curt with everyone though. Can I come over?"

"Sure, that's never a question."

"OK. See you in a few."

"OK, bye."

I pull up to Ant's house and he's waiting on the porch.

"I could have rung the bell."

"I know. Um, I heard something you're probably not going to like when I walked in. Mom had the 24-hour news on. They identified the bodies."

"Probably? God, can we ever get a break?"

"There's no reason that they'll be connected to us."

"No? They’ll start poking around at my school. 'Do you know anybody that might have had a problem with Jack or Lester? Yeah, Pete Daggett. Jack called him a faggot the first day of school. I bet Pete figured it was them who beat him up.' I'm fucked Ant."

"No, you're not. You have an iron clad alibi. You were at lunch with us yesterday. Uncle Marco has a receipt and at least half a dozen people saw us there."

"What? Nobody saw us there."

"Of course not, but that's what everybody who was working yesterday who could have seen us will say. You just need to be cool if anybody asks. And my two cousins' names are Carlo and Vince. You couldn't very well have spent half the afternoon with them without knowing their names. Believe me. Stay cool and there won't be a problem."

"I hope you're right. And I hope I can keep cool. If a cop even looks at me, I'm going to be a nervous nellie."

"You'll be fine. You don't seem to be as mad at me today. Are we OK?"

"I honestly don't know Ant. I feel like a fool, thinking you were this nice guy, only to find out you've got a dark side. Fucking dark."

"Hey. I promise I'll never get mixed up with that part of the family again. I’ll toe the line from here on out. I can't lose you. I love you more than anything. Without you my life would be empty. Sure, I'd go on, but I'll never be happy again. I'll spend the rest of my life doing whatever I have to, to make it up to you."

"Keeping me out of jail will be a good start."

"Done."

"Yeah, we'll see."

"Coming in?"

"Yeah, I could use a drink."

"Scotch, bourbon, vodka?"

"All of the above. No, that stuff tastes like shit, just a soda."

"No. You'll get a shot of my dad's best bourbon in your coke. Maybe two. You need to relax. Get your mind off everything."

"Yeah, you just want to get me drunk and take advantage of me."

"Well, that's true, but I know I need to wait. I'm happy you can joke. Come on in."

We go inside and Ant pours me a coke with some Four Roses Bourbon in it. I have to admit. This one didn't taste like shit. After three small glasses, I was feeling no pain and was happy as a pig in shit. We went up to Ant's room and had a long make out session. For a while I forgot all about what happened yesterday. With a bottle of this stuff, fuck, bring it on coppers. Unfortunately, having almost never drank any alcohol before, I fell asleep during a short break in the making out. Fortunately, it wasn't a long nap, and I was able to call mom and tell her I'd be eating over here. Ant's parents were happy to see me. Ant was miserable after I left yesterday and was unable to hide it from them. Ant was even honest with his dad and told him he shared some of his bourbon with me to help pick me up. Since we were both happy, his dad was OK with it, but said 'don't make a habit of it.'

Tuesday September 27

Once again, I was hit with it as soon as I walked into school. Jim again.

"I bet you're happy today."

"I guess I'm OK, why would I be happy?"

"Jack Turner got burned up in a warehouse fire with two brothers and one of his cronies, Lester Mavis, on Sunday."

"Why would that make me happy? Sure, he is, or was I guess, a dick, but that's no reason to want him dead."

"Even if him, Lester, and the other two bodies may have been the ones to beat you up?"

"Yeah, even then. I'd rather see them rot in jail for 20 years, being Bubba's butt buddies."

"I guess that would be ironic. OK. Well, I figured you'd want to know you'll have one, maybe two, less tormentors in your life."

"Yeah, I guess that part of it is a good thing. Did you hear how it happened?"

"Yeah, a meth lab explosion. One part of the warehouse that didn't burn had over two pounds of the stuff. The cops think that Jack's two brothers were major suppliers in the area. Good riddance for more than one reason."

"Yeah, I guess so. Meth. Who would have thought it?"

"I wouldn't have put anything past that crew. Shit, we'll be late. See you later."

Holy fuck. No wonder Ant wasn't worried. Shit, I'll still feel guilty about it, but if they were mixed up in drugs, maybe I helped do the world a favor. (The fact that Ant's family may have planted the meth never even entered his mind. Pete’s already deluded himself into believing the whole thing wasn’t his fault.)

After school I went to my regular doctor so he could check on my progress. The scrotum was healing well. Another week and I could resume sexual activity. He prescribed a testosterone patch to help with any potential difficulties. No lingering effects from the concussion. The shoulder hasn't really bothered me yet, although I'm waiting for the fall rains before I write that off as forever painless. Lastly, my voice is progressing well. Since singing was so important to me, he had me sing a couple bars of a slow ballad while feeling my throat. I think I sounded almost normal, and he said he didn't feel anything unusual either. He didn't think I should return to the stage right away, but if I limit myself to tame songs, and build up the amount of time I'm singing, he thought I could return to the stage in a limited fashion the week after next. I walked out of his office as happy as if I'd just drank a whole bottle of Four Roses. I couldn't wait to tell Ant and the guys.

Jim's news made it feel like a major weight was lifted off my shoulders. I showed up at Ant's after dinner, like any other Tuesday before the shitstorm. He was a little surprised to see me.

"I'm getting back to normal. Besides I had a doctor's visit after school, and I wanted to share the news. He said if I take it easy, sing tame songs and build up timewise, I should be able to get back on stage, at least in a limited way, next weekend."

"No shit?"

"Nope. And that's not all. My friend Jim told me that it was a meth lab that started the fire. So, we weren't really to blame for their deaths. They found over two pounds of meth in an unburned section of the warehouse. Apparently, Jack's brothers were already suspected dealers."

"That's awesome. See, I told you we didn't have anything to worry about. With the meth, the cops won't even dig any deeper. And you seem really happy. Did you hit my dad's bourbon again on your way in?"

"Ha ha. No, this is happy for real, not alcohol fed happy. Like those TV commercials, but wait, there's more. The doctor said I could resume sexual activities in a week. What are you doing next Tuesday?"

"Apparently making love to my boyfriend. They say good things come in threes. You hit the trifecta today."

"I'm going to make it a four-pack."

"How's th..."

I didn't let him finish before I planted my lips against his. It was close to 15 minutes before we broke the kiss.

Ant and I called Eddie to tell him the news about my voice. He was definitely willing to rearrange the set lists for a while to get back into the game. He said he’d call everybody else and resume the rehearsal schedule. It will move things further toward normal for me to get the band back together.

Wednesday September 28

Back into the old routine. Eddie and David’s house at 6:30. We talked about what songs would be safer for me to sing. They practiced more songs than I sang along with, but I hit four, singing probably 15-20 minutes. I felt it was a good enough start. My throat felt fine at the end of the night. The plan is to continue meeting to get ready for the following Friday, using Friday and Saturday nights to practice as well, my participation increasing each time. Hopefully the audience won't be disappointed when the new set lists. I hope after a while my voice will be strong enough to include the heavier songs again. I see my doctor again the last week of October, that's my desire for the full restoral of the set lists. Fingers crossed.

I still have a little trepidation with Ant, knowing he has his dark side, but he's important enough to me to give him the opportunity to keep his promise that he'll never get involved with Uncle Marco's activities again. So we continue meeting after the rehearsals occasionally to at least make out. I'm looking forward to moving forward to at least oral sex next week. If I'm OK there, making love should soon follow. I'm hoping that celebration will happen after Friday's show on the 7th.

Tuesday October 4

Tonight's my big test. I've been wearing the patch the doctor prescribed for a week now. Hopefully my testosterone levels are sufficient to maintain an erection. I've felt twinges down there, but I haven't done anything to initiate getting an erection, i.e. I've been 'hands off' all week. One possible symptom is instead of having a dry ejaculation, some urine is expelled. I'm going to make sure I drain by bladder before doing anything with Ant. I'd hate to end up pissing in his mouth when I have an orgasm. He's aware of the possibility. We'll have tissues close by so he can spit anything out quickly if the worst happens. A bottle of mouthwash probably wouldn't be a bad idea either.

It's zero hour. I'm at Ant's after dinner. I can't believe how nervous I am. It's like I'm going to have sex for the first time, and I don't know what to do. I know Ant will be patient with me, knowing that doesn't ease my nerves much. We're naked on his bed. Right now, just kissing. After a couple minutes of that he reaches for my dick. It's actually semi-hard already. I'm starting to feel less nervous knowing there's at least some activity down there. He starts rubbing me gently. I can tell he's anxious to have my dick in his mouth, but he takes his time. I'm a little bit harder and he starts kissing down my body, still gently rubbing me. As he gets closer, his rubbing intensifies. It feels so wonderful having his hand on me again. I feel his breath on my dick. I'm anticipating the feeling of his tongue. When I do feel it, it seems better than it ever has before. I'm sure it's just because it's been a while, but regardless, it feels great. Now his mouth is enveloping my glans. Oh God, I forgot how wonderful that feels. He's moving up and down the shaft now. Fuck, I feel like a 12-year-old boy experiencing these feelings for the first time. Big difference between being 12 is that I'm having all the feelings, but the orgasm is holding off. Taking longer to climax was expected, but wow, I'd usually cum 2 or three minutes after Ant starts sucking me. It's got to be at least 5. I finally feel like I'm reaching the edge. Yes, oh God, ahhhhhhhhh.

Ant moans too. Like me, he loves the act of providing oral sex almost as much as receiving. He's also happy, relatively, that my orgasm was dry. At least this time I didn't piss in his mouth. He'll miss the taste of my semen, but like me, it's the closeness that's more important. I've been sharing his cum with a kiss, but I guess it's not exactly the same. He's not complaining. He seems as happy as I am right now. We lie together, holding each other for a while before I reach for his cock to return the favor. He's already (still?) hard.

"I feel like I'm going to explode. Forget the foreplay and just suck it please?"

"Your wish is my command."

I attack his cock like never before, not ramping up the sucking like usual, but going at it hard and fast immediately. I don't know if I've ever felt it this hard in my mouth before. He's thrusting along with my sucking. It's not long before I'm rewarded with 6 spurts of his cum.

"Hurry, kiss me. I want us to share it."

Once again, I do as he asks. We kiss, sharing his cum, not even swallowing immediately. After a few more minutes of kissing, we pull away and just stare at each other. I've missed this kind of closeness with him.

"Mmmm, I love this. I love you Ant."

"I love you too Pete. I'll repeat my promise to never show 'my dark side' ever again. I want to be with you forever."

"Mmmmm, good plan."

Next Up - "A Minor Scare and Back on Stage"