Don't Blame The Band - 5. Impact of the New Songs and Gay is Good - Not

Tuesday September 6

It's the first day back at school. Apparently, a LOT of kids in my class have gone to see our shows. Everywhere I turn, someone is congratulating me, telling me how great the band is, telling me which one of our original songs they like best. The thing that surprises me the most is when I sit down for lunch, the table I'm at fills up completely, as do the tables to either side. I was never this popular before, sure people liked me, but nobody but my closest friends would even think about sitting with me at lunch. I feel like a sports star at a press conference, questions coming from all over, most of the time I can't make out what they're saying because six people are talking at the same time.

"OK, OK. I'll try to answer your questions, but I can't handle twenty at a time. First, though, I'll say thanks for the attention. I'm used to it on stage, not so much here in school. Let me get used to the idea. Secondly, I do want to eat my lunch, so be prepared for the occasional break in responding. I feel like a teacher doing this, but raise your hand if you have a question and I'll get around to as many as I can."

I stop to take a bite of my meat loaf. When I look back up, over half of the 24 people at mine and the closest two tables have their hands up.

"Wow. Well, I'll start on my left and go around clockwise. Sara?"

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Cathy's sitting at my table so I need to answer this carefully.

"Not right now. I'm really just too busy with the band to have a lot of time for a girlfriend."

Cathy smiles and gives me a little nod. I'll have to hire her as my press agent.

"Next... Tom?"

"Do they let you drink at Garson's?"

"I'm only 17, so only Mountain Dew and because I really don't drink alcohol. No. Next... Jill?"

Fortunately, fewer hands are going up after each answer. Sara must have hit most of the girl's questions. Only a few of them still raise their hands.

"I love your song 'Try Harder.' Did you guys really write that yourselves?"

"Yep. I've been writing the lyrics, Anthony Rossi sets up the initial melody and tweaks the words with me, and the rest of the guys all fill in their parts. Next... Joe?"

"Do you guys take requests? I really like 'Gimme Back My Bullets' and you do a great job on Skynyrd songs. Think you can add it to the set?"

"Well, it's not totally up to me. All I can do is mention it to the guys. We do like to mix up the songs a little so anything's possible, but I won't make any promises. If there are too many requests, I'll probably forget some, so throw me a note if you have one and I'll keep track and take it from there. I tend to avoid too many songs with higher voices, so if I don't think I can sing it well, I'll have to deny. Next...?"

It goes on like this for the rest of lunch. There was enough attention from other surrounding tables that I felt I had to throttle my interview sessions.

"OK, I'll get to more of you tomorrow. If you sat closer today, give someone else a chance? Closest friends, Jim, Andy, and Cathy excepted of course."

Sara gave me a dirty look when I mentioned Cathy. In my mind I thought 'get over it bitch, even if I was straight you wouldn't have a chance.' But I catch up to her and tell her that I was dating Cathy for a while, and she helped me get into the band but now I just consider her a friend. I honestly don't have the time for anyone else. The Q&A keeps up for the rest of the week, thankfully slowing down by Friday. I did get a question about where and when we played, obviously by someone curious about what was going on every day at lunch. I guess I'll probably start seeing familiar faces from school there as well.

As usual I head over to Ant's after dinner. I'm kind of glad we finished off the songs we were working on because I don't see how we'll have a lot of time to do much more. Between school, homework, rehearsals, shows, and sex, I won't have a lot of time for anything else. I've always gotten pretty good grades, but this year is the most important if I want to have college to fall back on. School and homework have to be primary activities. So needless to say, tonight doesn't include working on the songs. We're both a little tired from getting up early due to going back to school, so we just make out and jerk each other off tonight. Just being together is a nice end to the day, sex will be a bonus now that we're back at school.

Friday September 9

I was right about more faces from high school coming to the shows. Fortunately for them, the crowds have thinned out just a little. It's still SRO though. I see two tables about halfway back filled with kids from school. I'm sure there are more singles.

"I see a number of you from my high school class. Welcome if you haven't been here before and I hope you enjoy the show. We'll start it off a little slow tonight. Gabe?"

Gabe starts us off with Foghat's 'Third Time Lucky.' We follow that up with '(Ghost) Riders in the Sky.' As usual we mix them up and finish the night off with 'The Devil Went Down To Georgia' and 'Free Bird' as our encore. Very rarely do we close the show with something other than 'Free Bird.' A lot of kids from school come up to me afterward who hadn't seen the show yet, very impressed.

Ant and I haven't made love since Monday at the beach. We head to his house after putting everything away and decide to repeat the performance from Monday morning. This time I am the bottom on top first. I'm hoping I don't cum while I'm bouncing on his dick so he can have the top, but it wasn't meant to be. He's just so good at this. He's cool waiting until tomorrow night to get his next turn above me. I think he prefers being in my ass more than the other way around. But we still pretty much always switch off.

Saturday September 10

Another night with lots of kids from school. I'm going to be mobbed on Monday I bet. Partway through the night I see a guy in a suit looking at the spot on the wall where Paul hung the review. Garson's is not really the suit and tie environment, so when I see someone dressed like that, I get worried. During a vocally quiet period in 'More Than a Feeling' I walk over to Eddie and mention it to him. The guy's still standing there, but that isn't too much of a surprise due to the crowd. I maneuver around through the next few songs and let the other guys know. For David, I mime straightening a tie and point behind me in the general direction. He sees the guy and nods. We're all at least a little prepared when the guy shows up in the storeroom after the show.

"Hi guys. Paul said I could come back here and talk to you."

Eddie takes command as usual, but with attitude. "So talk."

"OK, I get it, I'm just some guy. But I have a proposition for you guys."

"Here we go again."

The pessimist speaks.

"Yeah, OK. I heard about your lawsuit with Midtown Independent. Congratulations by the way. The were a blemish on the record business. Anyway, I'm Larry Connor. I work for Atlantic Records. No, I'm not here to offer to record your songs. We have a new band that is planning a tour in the area. There are a few shows in slightly larger venues scheduled. We're looking for a local band to open for them on three nights. Between Keith Sawyer's review and listening the last couple weeks, we think you're the guys."

"So where would these venues be? Two of our guys are still in school."

"They're fairly local. Along the northern shore. The furthest south is in Point Pleasant. I'd say the three we're looking at are 3 or 4 times the size of Garson's. Hopefully a couple bigger paydays for you. The shows are all mid-week, a Tuesday, Wednesday, and a Thursday. So there won't be any conflicts here. I know you've got a pretty steady following here. I wouldn't want to cause a riot by pulling you away."

He gives us the names. I'll definitely check them out.

"When are we talking?"

"First and second weeks of October. 4th, 6th, and 12th."

"We do cover songs or our own?"

"Definitely your own. All six each night."

"Can you tell us who the band is?"

"They haven't released their first album yet, but we're looking at big things for them."

He tells us the name of the band. They actually do hit it pretty big the next year.

"So, how does it work, we show up and you pay us?"

"It's a little more complicated than that, but that's the 30,000 foot view. We'll have you sign a limited contract for those three nights, with provisions to protect your assets, the songs. Atlantic will copyright them for you. We can later discuss long term plans. If nothing works out with Atlantic, we transfer the copyrights to you. All outlined in black and white ahead of time."

"Could we have a lawyer look at it first, and when would you need an answer?"

"Sure. I can give you a copy of the proposed contract tonight. We don't want to be squeezed if for some reason you decline. I can give you guys about a week. I'll either need a signed contract on Monday the 19th or a hard no."

"Sounds fair. At least you didn't say tomorrow like Midtown did at first."

"Like I said, a blemish on the industry. You obviously now know things don't work that fast."

"We'll have to discuss it for a couple minutes first. I'm not making the decision for everybody."

"Of course Eddie. I'll run out and get the contract from my car and wait at or by the bar."

Larry steps out and we all look at each other, cautiously optimistic.

"Well, they're a known company, willing to let us have a lawyer take a look at it, and supposedly going to protect our songs. Pete, you think you can have your dad bring the contract into work Monday and give it to Michelle to review? She should have come back from vacation today."

"Yeah, I'm sure he will. Hopefully she will be there."

"I could give her a call Monday, see if she's in and can do it."

"That works Eddie."

"All in favor?"

Everybody agrees. Eddie steps out into the restaurant and has Larry come back in.

"We'll definitely consider it. It sounds real good. If the money and terms are acceptable, we'll be your guys."

"Sweet. Money and terms are here. Take a look over it yourselves, take it to your lawyer and let me know. My card is attached. It's not a lot of money, $3000 per night. But it could open up other opportunities for you. Obviously we'd be happy to work with you going forward as well. You guys are a talented bunch."

"Thanks. We'll definitely let you know by next Monday."

"Great. It was good meeting you and hopefully I'll see you again soon."

Larry leaves and we chat about the opportunity a little more.

"$500 each for three nights. Getting our foot in the door with a real record company. This could be big."

David is right. We're all a little psyched about it.

"Why don't you guys stop over tomorrow afternoon? I'll run out and get copies made tomorrow morning so you can all take a look, Pete, you can give a copy to your dad for Michelle, hopefully, we can discuss any concerns Monday evening."

We all agree it sounds like a plan. We get the equipment settled into David and Rich's vans and head home. As usual, Ant and I head to his house. We're both really excited about the opportunity, but we put that on hold for a while. Ant wants me to make love to him but prefers essentially what is the missionary position. He lies on his back, I prep both of us and enter him. Since we're exclusive, we've started skipping the condoms. We're both pretty excited so it isn't long before I'm cumming in him. Once in a while I can make him cum hands-free when I make love to him. Tonight is one of those times.

"Do you think you can spend the night?"

"Yeah, I told my parents if I don't come home after a show I'll be with you. I'll just make sure to give them a call in the morning so they know for sure."

"Nice. Last weekend was great, spending every minute with you. I missed that."

"Me too."

We use his bathroom to shower and then come back to bed, kissing and cuddling for a while before sharing 'I love yous' and falling asleep in each other's arms.

Sunday September 11

Dad takes a quick look at the contract this afternoon. He doesn't see any big issues, but entertainment isn't his specialty. He'll be happy to give the contract to Michelle tomorrow.

"Wow. This is something Pete. Your mom and I are real proud of you. Taking on the dregs of the music industry and getting an opportunity with one of the bigger companies. Just don't forget us when you're a big star."

"I doubt we'll ever be big stars, but it would be nice to become big enough to make it a career. I know we wouldn't burn out like a lot of other bands. Nobody drinks more than a couple beers, and we've all agreed to stay away from drugs. If we all keep our promises, even being a small time success would be awesome."

"Well, shoot for the stars. If you fall short and only make it to the moon, you'll still be successful."

"Thanks dad."

Monday September 12

School is another mob scene. Somewhere around 50 RBHS students were at one or both of the shows this weekend. All of them, it seems, had something good to say to me today. I went from 'Pete who?' to 'Mr. Popular' in almost no time at all. I guess with the crowds we've been seeing I should have expected some of this, but I don't think I could have ever expected this much. I was asked out six times before leaving school. They all get my canned response, 'sorry not enough time right now.' One of the guys I've suspected was gay apparently wants to be a groupie. And also confirmed those suspicions. He's around me every chance he gets, said he was at both shows this weekend and would do anything I wanted him to. He gets the same response but since he doesn't want to be a boyfriend, probably just wants to suck my dick, he doesn't give up, saying things like 'it'll only take a few minutes, or 'nobody will know.' I unfortunately have to be pretty forceful with him and tell him it's not going to happen and to leave me alone. While he stops bugging me, I still see him watching me a few times after I blew him off. If this is going to be the price of stardom, I may have to rethink my Wal-Mart career.

"Hi mom, I'm home."

"Hi dear. How was school?"

"School was fine, getting mobbed by half the senior class wasn't fun. But I do have 8 or so choices if I want to get into a new relationship. Hopefully my star will stop shining so brightly soon. If this keeps up all year, I'll end up crazy."

"Well, it could get worse you know. Michelle called. I told her you were in school. She'll call back around 4 to talk to you about the contract."

"Thanks. Enough time to get a snack and relax for a while."

I get my snack, then head to my room to just experience the solitude for an hour or so. A few minutes before four, I head downstairs and sit in the living room with a book I need to read for English class, waiting for Michelle to call. The phone rings about five after.

"Hello?"

"Hi Pete. Michelle."

"Hey Michelle. How was your vacation?"

"It was wonderful, thanks for asking. It sounds like you had an interesting couple weeks too."

"Yeah, between being Mr. Popular at school now and the opportunity with Atlantic, I don't know which way to turn sometimes."

"Well, I can help take one thing of your plate. The contract looks good. Since you'll be performing your own songs, Atlantic will be taking steps to protect you all. There's a provision about long-term possibilities, but you're not locked into anything beyond the three shows. I really have no issues with it at all. They've obviously done this many times before and know how to do it right."

"That's awesome."

"There is a downside though."

"Uh oh."

"Nothing major, but because it's contract work, I'm going to have to bill you guys for it. Firm rules that I can't get around."

"That's OK. You deserve to get paid for your work, especially after the first time."

"Good, I'm glad you're not upset. I did say I'd review a contract for you, I probably should have mentioned it wouldn't be free."

"Michelle, my dad's a lawyer, I know nothing you all do is free."

"True. OK, I spent three hours today going over it real close. So I'll give your dad the bill, it'll be $225. Can you get the money from the rest of the guys and write me a check?"

"Sure thing. I'll give dad a check tonight to get to you tomorrow."

"Perfect. Lots of clients think we're dentists. Getting paid is like pulling teeth."

"Ha ha. I can imagine. Nope, I want to keep our business relationship healthy. If things continue with Atlantic, we'll definitely be using your services going forward."

"Well, I appreciate that. And I do hope things continue for you. You're all good kids with a load of talent. I'll be happy to keep working with you all. OK, I have to run. Let the guys know the contract is good from my perspective, and keep me informed on how things are going."

"Will do. Bye."

I head to rehearsal as usual for 6:30. I let the guys know Michelle reviewed the contract and didn't find any issues with it. They were all happy and now looking forward to taking part in real concerts. Granted not in an arena or stadium, but larger venues and crowds than we've ever done before.

"This could be our big break guys. Get our names and faces out in front of fans of this other group. We gotta ask Larry if it would be possible to sell our t-shirts at the shows. We may have to recruit someone to man the booth or table if we can."

"I can ask Marie and Cathy if they'd be willing to come along and do it."

"OK, good Gabe. I'll call Larry tomorrow and tell him we're in and ask about sales, etc. If he says it's OK to sell the shirts, I'll let you know and you can ask your sister and cousin if they're willing."

"Sounds good to me Eddie. God, I'm getting so hyped about this. Ant, Pete, this would never be possible if you never started putting together new stuff. I'd kiss you both if I didn't know you'd like it."

"Funny Gabe. But hey, you're all welcome. Ant and I didn't do it just for ourselves. We have no intention on being the next Hall and Oates. Rossi and Daggett. Hmmm, it does sound good."

"You do that and we'll sue you for royalties for our efforts on the songs."

"No worries Rich. I know I'm not going anywhere, and I doubt Ant is either."

"No way. We're a pair. You get one, you're stuck with both."

We spend the next 2 hours making sure we're prepared for the weekend, like any other Monday. We're all so hyped about this opportunity, I hope my opening words to the story don't come back to haunt us. For sure, I don't expect to make any awful decisions, but shit happens.

Tuesday September 13

I've been home from school for about an hour. Ant and I decided to get together earlier and check out more of my poems for possible inclusion in future shows. I'll spend another hour or so doing homework and then head over there. Before I start on homework, the phone rings.

"Pete, it's Eddie."

"Be right there mom."

"Hey Eddie. What's the good word?"

"Lots of them, first and foremost more than 9000 dollars, he he. Larry will come by Friday night with an associate that's a notary to witness our signing the contract. He'll also arrange for a table to be set up in the lobbies so we can sell our shirts. Gabe already asked Marie and Cathy if they'll do it. They'll get band credentials so they won't have to pay to get in. Marie said she'll drag Greg along to move the boxes since we'll be busy. I asked Larry about a dress code, he said our usual band t-shirt, black jeans, and high-tops will be perfect for these crowds. Three weeks from tonight. Not to take anything away from you and Ant, but probably the biggest day of all of our lives."

"Yeah, I get it. Like you said yesterday, this could be our big break. Thanks for letting me know. See you tomorrow."

"OK, later."

Friday September 16

The rest of the week goes as usual until we're walking into Garson's for the show. I happen to notice someone that looks vaguely familiar. It takes me a moment to realize who it is and I ask Ant to be sure.

"Is the guy over there, far left, black 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' t-shirt who I think it is?"

"Fuck. Yeah, it's the motel clerk. Shit. You find Paul and I'll let the rest of the guys know we might have trouble."

"I'm probably going to have to tell Paul about us."

"Yeah, I don't see a way around it. Better just Paul than Paul and 150 or so other folks."

I head to the office door next to the bar, fortunately it's in the opposite direction from the potential troublemaker. I knock, Paul says come in.

"Hey Paul."

"Hi Pete. Whoa, what's up, you look like something's bugging you?"

"Yeah. We might have trouble tonight. I have to ask you to keep the first part of this to yourself, if you can."

"OK, sure. What is it?"

"Anthony and I are a couple. We're gay."

"OK, I'm guessing the potential trouble is related to that fact. That you're gay doesn't bother me by the way."

"Thanks. Well, Ant and I spent last weekend at the beach, stayed in a cheap motel that didn't care we weren't 'old enough' to rent a room. The last morning, well, we got pretty loud and we had the room next to the office. The clerk heard us, and he put 2 and 2 together when we checked out. He didn't say anything at the time, just gave us a look. Well, he's here, wearing an 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve' t-shirt."

"Yeah, that could be trouble. Especially with this crowd. Probably tomorrow too, but tonight's would definitely be worse. Where is he?"

"Up against the wall on the far side of the bar."

"OK. I'll take a walk over there with Hank."

Hank is Paul's nephew. He works as a bouncer. It's usually a pretty good place, Hank only rarely needs to persuade a customer to leave after having too much to drink. Usually just walking up to someone is enough. He's about 6'7" and saying he's built like a truck may be an insult to trucks everywhere. He's ripped. I head into the storeroom.

"Paul's taking Hank over to talk to the guy."

"Thanks Pete. I sure hope this doesn't turn nasty. Especially with Larry coming with the official contract. Well, something like this was bound to happen sooner or later. It probably couldn't be a worse time for it though."

"I got my fingers crossed Eddie."

"Cross your eyes, legs, and toes too Pete. One of you guys should probably get out there and see what's going on."

"Good Idea. I'll go."

Rich is the biggest guy in the group, so it makes sense. Hopefully there won't be a need for anything physical. The rest of us help Eddie and David set up their stuff on the stage. We're all taking the occasional glance over to where they're all standing. Paul, Hank, and Rich make a formidable threesome and could probably convince anybody but the hardest hard-asses to see things their way, but so far, it's just talk. Hank points the way toward the door and 'not Steve' leaves with one other guy. Hank follows them out and takes up his normal post at the door. Looking over at the rest of us, he nods and smiles. Rich gets back and says he thinks they left too easily, but at least they're gone. A minute later Larry comes into the storeroom with another guy.

"Hi guys. We won't take too long. This is Pat Wilmer. He works in our legal department and is a notary. If you can all show him your IDs and sign by your name after he checks it, we'll get out of your hair."

We do as he asks and tell them if they want to avoid the crowd they can use the side door. Pat wanted to catch the show so they head back into the restaurant. The rest of the night goes as planned. It's still warm so we have the door to the outside propped open. I happen to glance that way after we get everything in and see flashing red and blue lights.

"Um, guys. There may have been trouble after all. Look."

They all see the lights now too. We all head to the door. Hank is out there with four policemen. The two idiots that were kicked out are standing out there with homemade signs.

Boycott Garson's
Boycott Daggett the Faggot
Boycott Russi the Pussy

Apparently nothing derogatory rhymes with Rossi so they had to butcher his name. The worst part about it though, they've probably been out there the whole time after they were kicked out. Half the crowd has left. Eddie and I head back out to the restaurant to locate Paul. We ask and he says he knows they're out there. Hank will fill him in. Back in the storeroom again, we congregate by the side door, watching to see what happens. Fortunately not much does. The assholes hand the cops the signs, get into their car and leave. Hank takes the signs, apparently to throw them away and the excitement is over. Paul pops in to give us our cash, but is too busy to stay. Hank only says they were convinced to leave the signs behind and go. We take that as our sign to leave as well. Ant and I head to his house, but we're too upset to do anything more than sit together, holding hands, talking. What should be an excellent night was ruined by a couple assholes. Ant and I are sure the worst is yet to come. Probably 50-75 people saw the signs. We're hoping Larry and Pat didn't. We'll find out one way the other soon. I get home after leaving Ant's and read through the contract. I'm hoping to not see anything regarding moral behavior. After reading through the legalese twice, I don't see anything, but I plan to call Michelle on Monday to see if she can say for sure.

The rest of the guys are all worried how this getting out will impact the band. Well, me too.

Sunday September 18

There were no issues Saturday night, but there's a blurb in the police blotter section of the newspaper on Sunday. I flip over to the entertainment section and want to hide under my chair. It's not long, but it's a killer

"The Swarm Plus Garson's Hideout Equals Scandal"

Staff reporter

Late Friday night the police were called to Garson's Hideout (1525 Ocean Blvd, Atlantic Highlands) to break up a protest. Two men, who requested to remain anonymous, were escorted out of the establishment earlier in the evening. They apparently were prepared for that eventuality because they also brought a pair of protest signs with inflammatory homosexual sexual slurs pointed at two of the members of the band performing there, The Swarm. The two members, Pete Daggett and Anthony Rossi, were not available to comment. The protest ended peacefully when the protesters agreed to give up their signs and leave.
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Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. We could deny this all we want, it's not going to make a difference. Even if we said the clerk jumped to conclusions when he heard sounds and saw us at checkout, we can't undo public perception. The phone rings.

"Hey Ant."

"Did you see the handful of sentences in the paper that pretty much ruined our lives."

"Yeah. I just got finished reading it for the third time. I was just getting used to being Mr. Most Popular at school. Tomorrow I'm going to be Mr. Outcast. Who knows what effect this will have on the band. I looked at the contract last night, there aren't any morals clauses that I could tell, but who knows? That could be fucked as well."

"I hear ya. I got a boost in popularity too. Probably not as much as you though. Yeah, the gay aspect will hit the ground running. What are you going to do?"

"I see three choices, one not very viable. That's running away. Second probably won't work too well, ignore it. And finally, embrace it. Be proud and take the heat head on."

"Sounds good in theory. I guess it's really the only thing we can do. Ignoring it won't make it go away any quicker. Like any other kind of bullying, if you don't feed the beast, it dies quicker."

"We can only hope. See you tomorrow evening."

"OK, Bye."

I walk out of the kitchen into the living room where mom and dad are reading the rest of the paper. It's not hard for them to read my mood.

"What's up son?"

I just hand dad the entertainment section, open to my obituary.

"It's not fair. The assholes who started the whole thing get to remain anonymous and my and Anthony's lives are ruined."

"What do you mean, dear?"

Dad hands me back the paper which I hand over to mom.

"Oh, no. How did those men find out about you two?"

"One of them was the clerk at the motel last week when we checked out. We were a little loud that morning and right next to the office."

Mom's embarrassed because it's pretty obvious what we were loud doing.

"Oh, honey. How did the rest of the band react?"

"That's no problem. We told them about the same time I told you. They're OK with our relationship. Obviously, they're a little worried about fallout impacting the band. Saturday night was OK, no issues, but the word wasn't public yet. Maybe a few people shied away because of it, but the crowd was there and nobody said anything. To us, anyway. My immediate concern is about school tomorrow."

"Maybe it won't be as bad as you think."

"Maybe mom, but I doubt it."

"You were probably going to have to deal with it sooner or later. Stand up for yourself, don't let anybody know that it bothers you. Thousands of others have dealt with being outed, I'm confident you can too son."

"Thanks dad. I hope you're right."

Monday September 19

I'm not usually one that hates getting up and going to school, but today? Today is different than any other day in my life. Today I'm going to school as an unintentionally out gay young man. Suck it up Pete. Like dad said, this was a sooner or later situation.

I live close enough to the high school to walk in. Being trapped on a bus with like 30 other kids would have been brutal. The whispering, pointing fingers, probably even name calling. All with no escape. Of course once I get inside, I'll have nowhere to hide. My friend Jim is the first person I run across. He gets to the door the same time I do.

"Hey Pete. Have a good weekend?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, why? What's up?"

"Have you seen anybody from school since Friday night? Read the paper yesterday?"

"Hung out with Andy for a while. I don't typically read the paper, other than the sports page? Something happen?"

"Stay with me if you dare, you'll find out soon enough."

"OK. Whatever."

I open the door and we walk in. The hallway is about half as busy as it usually is so it's quiet enough to make out the murmurs.

"Is that him?" "There he is." "He doesn't look like a fag."

And on and on.

"Pete, what's going on? Are they talking about you?"

"Yeah Jim. I'm gay and I got outed Friday night at the show."

"Oh, fuck. You can tell me how it happened later. For now, just keep walking. I'll take care of any assholes that say something directly to you."

"Thanks Jim."

"Hey look. It's Daggett the faggot."

"Hey look. Jack Turner's going to be beat to a bloody pulp."

Jim's pretty big, so statements like that don't get ignored easily. Jack just walks away. Jim and I continue to our lockers, his and Andy's are near mine. Andy's already there.

"You OK Pete? Get any shit from anybody yet?"

"Just Turner so far but Jim shut him up."

"Man, it's gotta suck having a couple assholes bringing signs like that to your show. Don't take this the wrong way, but is it true?"

"Yeah Andy. I'm gay."

"Holy shit. Is that why you broke up with Cathy?"

"In a way, yes. I just want to get through the day. See you in class and at lunch."

I head for my first class, half the kids or so are there already. There was talking before I walked in, but it stopped as I crossed the threshold. Mr. Billings, my homeroom/English teacher noticed something was up. I got up to go talk to him.

"Mr. Billings, is it OK if I say something to the class after you take roll?"

"Sure. I heard a few interesting words before you walked in."

After everybody settled in and attendance was taken, Mr. Billings nodded to me. I stood up.

"Hey everybody. I don't want a lot of different rumors going around about me, so I'm going to clear the air right up front. Yes. I'm gay. If you don't want to have anything to do with me, that's your choice. But I'm the same guy that left school in June. If I was OK then, this should change nothing. I'm not going to make a move on anybody, so nobody has to be afraid of that. It's not contagious. You can't 'catch' gay. I can't turn you gay. I was born this way, it just took me 17 years to realize it. Thanks Mr. Billings."

I sat back down and about half the class started applauding. I was dumbfounded.

I asked each teacher for a minute before all the rest of my classes. At one point later in the morning, they started to expect it. The speech was slightly different every time and the applause wasn't repeated, but a lot of kids said they respected me for standing up for myself. Sure, there were still names being called out, usually hiding behind a crowd or something. But nobody said anything bad to my face. Until the end of the day that is.

I'd started walking home and heard someone behind me call out 'hey faggot.' I kept walking, hoping they would just go away. I heard footsteps coming up behind me and before I could react, I was grabbed from behind. Someone put a shirt or something over my face and spun me around. I didn't even know how many there were, at least two based on the footsteps I heard. Maybe more. Then I was punched in the stomach. All the air left my lungs. Gasping for breath I got hit in the crotch, probably by a knee. No choice but to hit the ground in pain. Another kick to the crotch, partially blocked because my hands were in front of it. I felt my fingers snap. After that I was kicked in the head and blacked out.

Some time later I woke up in the ER. Mom and dad were there, so it must have been quite a bit later.

"Hi honey. Don't try to move, you've got a pretty severe concussion."

I realized that I couldn't talk. I looked at them questioningly, pointing to my face with my good hand. Dad answered.

"Apparently after you were unconscious, you were kicked in the face, neck, and shoulder. They broke your nose, 3 fingers on your left hand, and clavicle, almost crushed your larynx, and unfortunately crushed both testicles. They had to be removed. Fortunately, somebody came around the corner and they ran off. It could have been worse."

All I could do is mouth words and hope they understood. I asked who.

"We don't know yet. The police got a description from the witness, hopefully they'll get caught."

'My voice?'

"You might be able to talk again in a few days. The doctors aren't sure, just have to give it time to heal."

'Sing?'

"We don't know."

'Anthony?'

"Your mom tried calling over there before we came over. He wasn't home yet. He'll probably call later."

I just nod at that, close my eyes and cry myself to sleep.

I woke up some time later. Mom was still here but dad had left. I must have been moved to a room, I wasn't in the ER anymore. I asked where dad was.

"Your dad went home. It's late and he has a deposition tomorrow morning, but he'll be back afterward."

'Anthony?'

She looked away. I knew something was wrong so I grabbed for her.

"Anthony got beat up too honey. I'm sorry (crying now). He's in the hospital too."

'Here?'

"I don't know. His mother said it was pretty bad."

'Will he live?'

"I don't know. His parents were pretty upset. I didn't want to push them. I'll try to find out more tomorrow."

I wanted to scream, but all I could do was make a moaning sound.

"Don't try to talk honey, you might make it worse."

'Don't care. Please find out.'

"I'll do what I can."

After that, I must have fallen asleep again. A nurse came by a few times during the night, making sure I could wake up due to the concussion. Even though I was worried about Anthony, I couldn't stay awake for long.

Tuesday September 20

I woke up to the sun shining brightly through the window. A little while later a volunteer came with my breakfast. Apple juice and an instant breakfast drink. Swallowing liquids is hard enough, I guess they don't want me eating solid foods yet. After I finished that, I turned on the TV, hoping to find a local news channel. After a while there was a short item about two separate beatings the previous afternoon. Nothing new. Two young men beaten and hospitalized, no further information available.

Another little while later a nurse came in and said she needed to change the dressing on my incisions. I look at her like 'do you have the right patient,' but mouth 'where'?

She pulls the blanket off me and raises the gown. I see bandages on my crotch. What the fuck happened? Then I remember dad saying something about my balls. I watch as the nurse removes the bandages. My angle isn't really good, but she moves my dick side to side and it's obvious there's nothing below it.

"Sorry. I know this is probably embarrassing for you. I'll be done in a minute."

Embarrassing? Fuck. How about anger inducing? She finishes up, covers me back up, and leaves. I take the pen and pad mom must have left and start writing questions I want answered. Like why the fuck did I lose my balls, where and how is Anthony? I hope my doctor comes in soon. I nod off again. Not much else to do.

"Pete?"

I wake up and mom is here.

"Sorry to wake you. The doctor should be here shortly to give us an update. How are you feeling?"

'OK I guess. Not too happy.'

"I can understand that."

A couple minutes later the doctor arrives.

"Hello Peter. It's good to see you awake. Hello again Mrs. Daggett. I guess you want an update. Starting with the less serious items. The shoulder should heal fine, it was a clean break. There's no permanent damage from the kick to the head. You'll be dizzy for a while but should recover completely. The broken nose and fingers will heal fine. The Orchiectomy, or removal of the testicles looks fine. Really the only concern is the damage to your larynx. All we can really do there is wait and see. I don't expect permanent loss of the use of your voice, but I can't be sure yet. Questions?"

I hold up the pad with the question about my balls.

"They were completely crushed. I suspect you were kicked quite a few times when you were unconscious. There was nothing we could do to save them. Keeping them would have caused more problems in the long run. I'll be back to check on you again later if there are no other questions."

My other question is for mom.

'Anthony?'

"He's here too. They're keeping him sedated a while longer. Most of his injuries were to the chest. A number of broken ribs. The big issue is a collapsed lung."

'Can I see him?'

"He's still in ICU, so family only. Hopefully after they wake him."

'Sucks.'

"I know honey. Just be patient. He's going to be alright. Like you, just needs time to heal."

Mom left and a little while later Eddie and David walked in.

Eddie: "Man, it looks like a truck hit you. How you feeling?"

I put my hand over my mouth and hold up the pad.

'Kicked in the throat, among other places. Head, shoulders, and balls numerous times.'

Eddie: "That sucks man. When they say you can talk again?"

'Don't know. Hear about Ant?'

David: "Yeah, they got him downstairs in ICU. I guess they fucked him up pretty bad too."

'Mom said ribs and a lung.'

Eddie: "Yeah, he got kicked in the balls too, but nothing permanent, according to Marie."

'Lucky him. I lost mine.'

David: "Oh, no way man. Really?"

'Yeah, wanna see? :-)'

David: "We'll believe you. Shit. So when you get your voice back you gonna sing soprano?"

'Yeah. We'll need a whole new set of songs. I'm thinking Pat Benatar and Joan Jett. Fuck you too David. :-)'

David: "Glad to see you still have your sense of humor."

'Have to. Got nothing else.'

Eddie: "It'll all be cool."

'Hope so Eddie. I guess those tour dates are fucked?'

Eddie: "I talked to Larry earlier. With no concrete date for yours and Ant's recovery, yeah, they had to scramble for something else. If you guys come back OK, they'll keep us in mind."

'And Paul?'

Eddie: "Week by week. He canceled this weekend. We'll just play it by ear."

'Sorry man.'

David: "Hey, don't even think it's your fault. It's the two sets of fuckers that beat you and Ant."

'If we weren't gay.'

David: "Don't go there. It's NOT your fault."

'OK.'

Eddie: "We'll skip out. Rich and Gabe are downstairs. They only let two of us up at a time. Take care, we'll be back later in the week to check in."

'Thanks for stopping by.'

A couple minutes after they leave, Rich and Gabe show up.

Rich: "Hey Pete. Eddie gave us a heads up. Voice and balls? That really sucks. How you doing otherwise?"

'Good, I guess. Unhappy mostly.'

Rich: "Yeah I guess I would be too."

Gabe: "Cathy asked about you. She said a lot of people at your school are pissed about it."

'I'm sure some are happy too.'

Gabe: "Only the assholes. She wanted me to ask if you'd be OK if she and RB visited?"

'Sure. We all made up. More visits will make the day go by quicker.'

Gabe: "Cool. I'll let her know."

'Thanks for stopping by. I think I need to crash for a while. It's been hard staying awake too long with the pain killers they've been giving me.'

Rich: "Yeah, it's cool. We'll be back in a couple days. Stay positive."

'That's funny coming from you.'

Rich: "Yeah, I guess. Asshole. Really, get better soon. See ya."

Gabe: "Bye Pete."

I just wave, close my eyes and sleep for a while again. Lunch comes. Pretty much a repeat of breakfast. I sleep again until I hear voices. I open my eyes, it took me a second to recognize her. Marie is here.

"Hi Pete."

'Hi.'

"Yeah, sorry you lost your voice. I hope it comes back soon. I wanted to tell you Anthony's awake. He asked how you were. Since I didn't know much, I figured I'd come up and see for myself. How are you otherwise?"

'Good. Happier now.'

"Do you think the nurses will let you go see him?"

'They will, or I'll make a stink.'

"Ha ha. Let me go ask and get you a wheelchair."

'Thanks.'

She comes back with a wheelchair and a nurse.

"I'll help you out of bed, moving might be painful, down below. You need to make your visit short, 10 or 15 minutes, max. Buzz when you get back and I'll help you back into bed."

She helps me out of bed and into the chair. She was right about the pain, but there was no way I was not going. I bring the pen and pad along. Since it was Marie rolling me into ICU, nobody questioned it. As soon as we got into his room, I started crying.

"Hi Pete. Oh, man, don't cry. From what I hear, I'm doing a lot better than you."

'Happy you're OK.'

"Me too. We'll get out if here and be right back where we were."

'Maybe.'

"Why maybe?"

'You probably don't know the worst.'

"I guess not. What's wrong?"

'I was kicked so many times, my balls were crushed. They've been removed.'

"Shit, you scared me. I thought you were thinking you're dying. We'll get through that. If that means our sex life changes, it changes. I don't care. Just as long as I still have you."

'Thanks. I love you.'

"I love you too. We'll be OK."

'Sure. I should get back, don't want to piss off my nurse.'

"I hear you. See you later. Come back again though."

'I will. Bye.'

Marie brings me back upstairs.

"I'll see you later Pete. I'll come back tomorrow and come get you again. I'm real sorry about what happened to you. You know, down there."

'Thanks for taking me. See ya.'

"You're welcome. Bye."

I ring for the nurse who helps me back into bed. I can't help it, but I'm filled with self pity and cry myself to sleep again. The doctor wakes me up just before dinner time.

"Let's take a look at that throat, maybe we can get you some semi-solid food tonight."

He takes a look, asks me to try saying a few letters. My voice is rough, but I'm able to say them well enough.

"Great progress. I'll update your diet to include soft foods. You like eggs? (I nod). Good. We'll get you some scrambled eggs tonight and maybe some jello or pudding."

'Pudding.'

"You got it. I'll see you in the morning and maybe we'll give that voice another workout. No talking tonight though. K?"

I give him a thumbs up. Eggs and pudding. Not great, but way better than juice and chalky protein shakes.

Next Up - "R & R - Recovery and Revenge"