WHISPERS - 1. Chapter 1

I always assumed everyone was just like me. Just trying to get along in life through the good times and the bad. It never occurred to me that I might be different, quirky, or even odd. Growing up we spent a ton of time reading and discussing what the world has in store for us. I also had chores to do, and when finished I was allowed to play. As a family we played games, like hide and seek. We played for hours using all of our senses to find each other. The challenge of remembering where I found them and where they didn’t find me other times before made the game exciting. Sometimes, we created new games and other times they would teach me some they played when they were children. I remember learning how to play checkers, putting the round chips in the squares and trying to find a way to jump the other person’s chips was fun to me. (Strategy). The best games always involved finding the best strategic way to complete a task.

My mother had to remind me often that if I just slowed down enough, and to pay attention to what I was doing, I wouldn’t be so clumsy. Of course, I wouldn’t listen until I hit my head, broke a bone or smashed something beyond repair. Then it was inevitable, I wished I had listened to her when she told me the first time. Mom never spanked me for the damage I caused, although she would occasionally scold me, or punish me by putting me in a corner for x amount of time-out. Afterwards though, Mom would hug me tightly and whisper how much she loves me and just wants me to be safe. Her skin was always soft and warm, her hair lay past her shoulders and felt silky soft. When she wore perfume I could always smell her real scent mixed in, the smell of Mom.

At night I dreamt of being an explorer, like in the stories my father read to me. Traveling across the prairies, over mountains and beyond the seas. Great adventures that carried me far away. My fantasy was to have children I read adventure story’s and how I had similar experiences in my own life. I spent as much time outside as possible, the wind and the sun felt amazing, the birds and the insects made beautiful sounds. My parents loved to be outside almost as much as I did.

We often went on camping trips and slept in tents, they believed it was the best way to get to know about the world we were living in. It was so interesting pitching the tent I would be sleeping in. My parents allowed me to fail when I thought I could figure it out on my own, but they were quick to help me when I asked for it. My dad made sure I learned how to make a fire, as well as how to fish for food. The best parts were always the long hikes we would go on. My parents took their time keeping me aware of everything around us. I used a walking stick to help me balance and to use as a weapon, if I ever needed it. They’d even have me pick up rocks to toss into different directions. We would talk about the sounds they made and how far they must have went. The biggest focus was having fun while being cautious of any dangers that may come up. Those were great times.

One night on a camping trip, I had trouble sleeping, I often have trouble with sleeping through the entire night. Once I start tossing and turning I reach a point where I obviously am not going to fall back asleep. Carefully, I crawled through the opening of my tent into the cold night air. These trips were usually warm enough at night so I would stand there for a minute to see if anyone may be in the area. I didn’t want to crawl around looking for pants to put on, it would just be more noise than I needed to make. I did my very best not to trip on a chord or anything that might be difficult to find. I felt the warmth from the glowing embers of our fire, and placed another small log in to add a tad more warmth. At the tree line I relieved myself, apparently right onto some kind of not hapy woodland creature. A low growl with a fast rustling, it dashed away. My heart skipped a beat, but my bladder didn’t. The world seemed so huge and full of wonders.

Dad came out from his tent, smelling like he needed a shower in the worst way. I could tell he was headed to the same spot I had used just a short time ago. I started to laugh when I heard the same low growl and scurrying, except it came with my Dad’s high pitched girlie scream. He only does that when he is completely startled, so of course I try to do that as often as I can.

”You think that’s funny do you?” He sat in a chair beside me by the fire.

With as much of a muffled laughter as I could I said, “I really do, your squeal probably scared it more than peeing on it.”

That became the running joke for the rest of that trip. Even when he had me play the game of finding our campsite after spinning me in circles and wandering around for a while. I always knew they were close by so I wasn’t ever actually scared, I could even hear their steps just beyond the first layer of trees. Granted, it would take me longer than I would like, but I had become quite good at recognizing what plants and sounds would guide me towards the finish line.

“Toby! You are incredible at this. I don’t think I would have been able to do it when I was your age!” Dad lifted me up onto his shoulder holding my legs with the attached arm and holding my hand with his other over his head. I felt like I could reach the top of trees from there. “All I have to do is follow Dad’s squealing.”

Mom played a different kind of game on those trips. At the oddest times, and at different distances, she would whisper something to me. I bet 90% of the time I at least knew she whispered, and maybe 50% of the times I knew what she said. My favorite was her thinking she had snuck up on me to whisper by my ear. As if I couldn’t smell her coming towards me. Even if I didn’t smell her, she walks heavily like a horse, everyone could hear her coming. But her soft breathy voice was melodic to my ear, and her warmth comforting. “Who loves you baby?” She barely breathed.

”My Mom, Dad, and Jesus do.” She kissed my ear to say I was right.

Dad and I would often do pushups and sit ups, along with other types of exercises. Mom was very good at teaching me yoga and meditation. Keeping our temple strong was very important part of our daily routine.

Dad had a buddy named Grady who would come around every so often, and he would bring me new walking sticks that I would use outside a lot. They would always be a good head taller than myself and would have a secret weapon built in. He tell me it was for if I were to find myself in trouble. Grady was a bit gruff, and Mom wasn’t always happy when he’d come around. I was though, he was very good at teaching me fighting techniques, especially with my walking stick. Grady is a martial arts instructor, so he is very good at what he teaches. He doesn’t hold back as much as Dad does with me, and I think it’s better that way. I want to know what I do is effective and how it feels when it’s not. We all do our best to calm my Mom down when she knows I’ve been slammed into the ground a little too hard for her.

The day I met Charlie, I had just had a long training with Grady, had lunch with Mom, then went to the shade to relax. I heard strange footsteps first, smelled a spicy cologne and a similar age voice as it came around the tree I leaned against. “Hey, what are you up to?”

”Just relaxing in the shade, how about you?” I kept the back of my head against the tree to keep relaxed.

”We just moved in last night, and have been unpacking all day.” He plopped down right next to me, to the point where his shoulder and arm were brushing against mine. The heat was very intense, and his smell was definitely built up from a day of working, yet not ripe like my dad gets. “My name is Charlie, what’s yours?”

”Hi Charlie. I’m Toby, nice to meet you.” I lazily stuck my hand out in his direction for him to shake it. When he did it was a quick lazy gesture and yet soft and larger than my hand.

”What do you like to do for fun around here?” Charlie was obviously brand spanking new to the area.

”Oh. I pretty much just wander around when I’m bored, I usually read when I go to bed and I like to exercise pretty much every day. How about you?” I hadn’t been around very many people my age, a couple of cousins and every now and then Grady brings his grandson who is a few years younger than me.

”Well, I play a lot of video games and that’s about it really.” I like the way his voice is deeper than mine, yet definitely not an adult yet.

”Hey Charlie, what’s a video game?” I thought if that’s the only thing he likes to do then I should find out what it is.

Charlie practically rolled around to get his face right in front of mine. “What?! You’re kidding, right? Are you serious?”

”Why, I don’t have the first clue what it is.” I felt like I was probably not making a very good impression on this potential new friend.

”NO WAY! Are you from another planet? How could you be this old and never at least seen one, you would have to be blind or something.” Then Charlie seemed so close yet so strangely silent. “Are you? Blind, I mean?”

I thought about it for a moment and remembered my parents saying something like that before. I didn’t know what it was and never thought about it again. “Maybe, I don’t really know what it means though.”

”Well, let me ask you something.” Charlie seemed to be searching for the words a moment. “When I came outside and walked up to you. I didn’t think I surprised you.”

”No, I knew you were coming.” I did.

”How, what made you know?” He sounded confused yet sure what I would say.

”Well, I heard the door open to a house that nobody has lived in as long as I remember. You walk soft on your heels like you mostly put your weight on your toes. You have the smell of a boy who’s been busy all day, and you radiate a lot of heat as. you just stood there for a moment. I knew a young stranger was here.”

”I knew it, you are blind. Holy crap, but how do you not know what sight is?” Honestly, I thought I just described sight, In the stories that I have read and the ones read to me I thought they were describing something about the way I know about things around me when they use that word.

”I guess I don’t really know what it is then. Can you try to describe it to me?” I admit I wasn’t completely sold that we weren’t saying the same thing.

”Alright, let’s start with your example, but I will try to explain it from my perspective. This might be tricky for me to explain it in a way that you can understand, so bare with me and ask me questions about anything you don’t understand.” After a couple seconds he continued. “When I came to the back door of my new house I was able to know you were in my backyard leaning against the tree before I opened the door. In fact I was able to know, see, you cross your legs and then uncross them as I I came outside.”

I thought there might be a chance that he doesn’t know how to use 9words that describe how he knew I was outside before opening the door “So, you heard me moving around by the tree outside of your house. Could you smell me too?”

”No, I couldn’t hear you or smell you or feel you from the inside of the house. Let me try something else, do you know what the shape of your mom’s face is like?” I said I did. “Do you know what the shape of my face is like?”

”I assume it’s just like everyone else’s.” Couldn’t help but chuckle at that one.

”Ok, yes but go ahead and feel it.” As I. Moved my hands around his head and face he told me what each thing was. Like I never felt a face before. “Stop. Keep them right there, what is that called?”

”Eyes, I have them as well, two just like you..” I was a bit snarky.

”Yes, but what do yours do? Why do you have them?” He actually thought he had me there.

”Of course, I know what they do. They leak water when i cry. They squint when I’m confused and they spread when I smile.” I had him that time.

”Ok, yes they do all those things, but their main purpose is to make a picture of everything at a distance without touching anything. All those other things are just secondary. Do you know what a picture is?” He sounded so empathetic and wanted to help in such a kind sounding way.

”I used to think I do. That is, I have felt paintings before. How a brush moves the paint in patterns that resemble the real thing.” I was truly trying to be honest. I knew I was missing something, but I didn’t really know what I was missing.

”Yes, but when the eyes are working properly, the way they are supposed to work. you can step away from the painting , even clear across the room, and still be able to tell what it is resembling.” I suddenly felt my body trembling.

A thought came to me, “I sometimes had wondered how my parents, and other people, were able to go into the kitchen for food and come back so fast. Every time I tried it always took me way longer. I assumed it was because I am clumsy. But, if they are using eyes the way you are talking about, then maybe they can find it without touching and smelling everything. If all of that is true then, why didn’t my parents ever say all of this?”

”That’s a good question Toby. But, let’s think about that for a moment. I think, maybe, they wanted you to focus on what you can do, instead of what you can’t. I mean, honestly, I didn’t know your eyes didn’t work until I saw them not seeing me. I have met other blind people who were obvious. You even knew I was there as I walked up and even which way to speak before I sat down. That’s pretty impressive.” I could hear the appreciation in his voice.

”My dad is always saying how incredible I am. I guess I thought he was just saying that because I am his son. Now, if he was thinking about what I am able to do, without doing something he was always to do, maybe he really meant it. There have been times when he said that he wouldn’t have been able to do things I do when he was my age, maybe it was because of that.” I was so wound up about it that I got up and started walking home, I had to know.

”Toby wait, what are you going to say?” He sounded scared.

”Charlie, will you come with me? I think this will be easier if you are there to explain our conversation.” I heard him take a deep breath and begin following me.

”Toby, you really are incredible the way you walk, most people would have no clue you can’t see with your eyes.” I heard instantly that he really understood that I do ‘see’ just in a different way than him.

Well, we sat down with my parents, and honestly, I don’t really want to go through all of it, it was difficult enough at the time. But, mom cried a bunch, dad talked fast and seemed to be quick to break it down a lot the way Charlie had. I will admit, I felt sorry for myself enough to cry a bit. However, I knew that they really did feel just like Charlie said, and they did at times try to have this conversation, however mom would cry and it would stop.

“Can Charlie come up to my room with me? If he wants to, that is.” I really wasn’t wailing for an answer, I just started heading upstairs.

I heard mom and dad saying yes in a surprised sound and Charlie closing the distance between us. I opened my door and waited for him to clear the door before I closed it. “Thank you Charlie, I don’t know if I could have done that without you.”

”You really are incredible enough to do anything you would ever want to accomplish. But, it sounds like you haven’t really been around people our age much.” He wasn’t really asking.

”That’s true, I just always thought it was because I am more of a loner.” Apparently there was more to it than that.

Charlie laid back on my bed, so I did also. “So, obviously Toby, you haven’t been around many girls. Have you ever touched a girl’s boobs besides your mom’s?”

”God, no. Have you?”

”Well no, but I have had the ability to look at the shape of them from far away. Plus, I can see them in pictures on the internet. What do you use for, stimulation, when you are jerking off?” I have heard of jerking off before.

”I’ve read read about that before and was surprised to learn a term for the secret thing I had been doing. But, I am not sure I understand what you mean by, stimulation.” I had a feeling that I knew, but now that I know I have a defect, it’s probably a good idea to get a thorough explanation.

”Well, I study every detail of the pictures of women on the internet, and I imagine what it would be like to be touching them for real. Do you imagine anything?” I had to laugh out loud.

”You will probably laugh, but I just imagine what the ladies room smelled like when my mom had me go in with her.” Charlie laughed out loud with me.

”Alright, we are going to swear a pact to the brotherhood of man. Spit into the palm of your hand and then we will shake hands sealing the deal.” After I followed instructions he spoke like he was conducting a meeting in a secret society. “I Charlie, swear to help you, Toby, learn the magic of women and the ways of men.”

” I Toby, swear to share my experiences with you, Charlie, so that we may discover the mysteries of women together.” We shook with serious pride just moments before we broke up into hard laughter.