IceBerg - 30. Chapter 30

Oli came around with David a few times, last time they came with cake and we finally celebrated a late birthday from months ago, and I even got Oli a new fancy tablet for his work. He rolled his eyes at me wasting my money but I punched him in the arm for it and David laughs.

Now Oli is here by himself.

I was completely honest with Oli was when I broke up with Jake.

Now here I am again, delivering brutal honesty. He never gets upset; he just listened. Even to the part about what Alex did to me.

He never gets mad at me for not reporting it. He asks about some counselling I could do that would help me out a lot, which I agree to.

I feel like I can breathe a little again.

Oli is honest with me too. How he loves his job even though it means he barely saw David, how he has to handle to strange homophobic comments and that he is looking for a new place to move because he is sick and tired of the racism he is facing in his area.

                                                 ***

‘I am ready for work and the show next week,’ I tell Oli as he turns the T.V. up.

He pulls a face, ‘Wish I was. Kidding, I love it! Bring on the madness!’

Biting into his burger, he says, ‘Okay, so this one is about her getting married again.’ With his mouth half full he adds, ‘Third time getting married yes!’

‘Ah, third marriage,’ I slurp my spicy noodles. ‘Straight people have it so much easier, they can marry whenever and how many times. Lucky idiots. Marriage. Dumb, anyway, right?’

I laugh at my own comment.

Oli isn’t laughing. A sweet smile curls on his face as he taps his beer. He stares straight ahead.

‘Oh, sorry,’ I give a sympathy smile. ‘I know it’s weird that as a Christian I am not interested in marriage and you, an atheist, love the idea of marriage. I didn’t mean to offend.’

‘I offend you all the time,’ he shrugs, his voice low, starting to peel at the label of the beer bottle.

The characters on T.V. mutter and gasp with shock as the narrator talking over them. Oli rips the label completely off the bottle and clears his throat.

‘David asked me to marry him.’

I smack his arm hard with shock.

‘Ow! Why!’ he almost bellows out, holding his arm. ‘Umph!’

I pounce on him, hugging him tight, ‘That is the best friggin’ news!’

‘Friggin’ news?’ he smirks as I smack a hard kiss on his head.

‘Best ever,’ I grin, hugging him tight.

‘Aw!’ he pats my back as I hug. The pats slow down as he grips my shoulder. ‘Okay, dude, you are hugging too much. You never hug. Which robot replaced you?’

I laugh, leaning back and reaching for my beer I had placed on the table.

‘Plus, ow,’ he clutches at his arm. ‘You’re getting muscles now; this kind of stuff hurts now!’

I frown at him, pulling a face.

‘Don’t beat me up or I’ll tell my fiancé.’

He grins at the word, cocking his head to the side, pretending to watch the T.V.

I raise my beer to him, and we clink our bottles. I wrap an arm around his shoulders, give a quick squeeze before sitting back into my sofa, watching this stupid show with my stupid friend. I glance up at him grinning. My stupid amazing friend. Wait.

‘Better grow your hair back properly before the wedding. You really didn’t have to shave that.’

‘Nah, now we are even now, so we have both been bald, it’s something to tell our grandkids, well, my kids anyway.’

‘Aw, you really want the family, home, cars and pets, don’t you?’ I tease.

‘Shh!’ he slaps at my shoulder, pointing at the screen. ‘You're going to ruin this wedding objection part.’

I am about to open my mouth to protest that he has ruined the show and has clearly seen this before me.

He stands up and walks over to me, grabbing the remote. Collapsing onto the sofa next to me, he clutches at my shoulders, eyeing my biceps.

Grabbing at them, he laughs, ‘Hold up, let’s see. Flex for me.’

‘Come on, just play the show, Oli.’

‘Woah!’ he grabs at my arms more. ‘You’ve totally turned in a babe.’

I frown hard at him.

‘You’ve been working out! Your beard is coming back and looking good and your hair looks awesome,’ he pinches me, pulling at my beard, tweaking my hair. I batter away his grabbing hands. ‘You disappear for a few months and now you are a calendar babe.’

‘Please stop that,’ I push his hands, trying to grab at his remote.

‘You look good man! A model! Embrace it!’ he grins. He pauses. ‘Wait.’ He springs up to his feet and drags me up. He claws at my shirt, pulling it up.

My face blows up red, ‘Oli!’

‘Ha! Dude your chest is looking good! That is incredible!’ he whistles.

I yank my shirt down and glare at him, ‘Why are you being like this?’

He just laughs at me.
***

‘Nathanial!’ my dad’s voice rings up.

Startled, I lift my head off the desk. Ugh, I fell asleep at the laptop again?

Everything is distorting and there’s a weird taste in my mouth. I wipe the drool away and yawn.

Medication effects.

The laptop is still open, I was half way to replying to Claire’s email. She says she can’t wait to see my back at work.

***

First day back at work went better than I thought and the show writing went well too.

I am finally back in my home this week, David left me a ton of food in the fridge, he has been awesome. The whole place has a soft smell of berries and sugar.

People seemed happy for me to be back at work, the occasional hello from a co-worker and a ‘glad you’re back Nathanial!’

But a lot of people stared. They tried not to, but I could feel the eyes on me. I had worn my best trousers and shirt today.

Even with all the medicated confidence in the world, this is still really hard.

I felt more relaxed when I saw Claire and Sharon, their smiles and welcoming hugs were definitely more than genuine. I didn’t realise how much I missed the girls until I saw them. Claire sat next to me during the script writing for the show.

But Charlie was by my side most of the day, he had asked me if I was ready

I laugh out loud, ‘Sure, I guess.’

‘That’s what I like to hear,’ he teases. ‘You ready to write some jokes for my show today.’

‘You face is a joke,’ I mutter, smiling despite myself.

‘See, jokes like that but you know, actually funnier.’

I laugh and everything felt great.

‘So, um, I need to ask you something,’ I say, later on. ‘It sounds kind of stupid but you know.’

‘Go on?’

‘So, I um, with my condition, I was just. I heard. In my head. I. You know, that, you were only friends with me because you didn’t want me to sue you,’ I let out a nervous laugh. ‘I mean I know it’s stupid, and the comments, voices, I guess, aren’t real but I just I heard it all the time.’

‘I am sorry,’ his voice is really sad. ‘I am sorry you had to hear that all the time. There’s more to you then just your writing skills, Nathanial, you’re awesome, that’s why I like being friends with you, okay? Thanks for telling me this.’

                                                                    ***

The smell of the rich red sauce with herbs and pasta is hot in my nose. I pick up my fork to dig into my pasta.

Work is now done and I am still with Charlie at his place, in his kitchen.

‘Glad you like it so much,’ Charlie grins, as he sits down next to me with his own bowl of food.

‘It’s great,’ I say with a mouth full, eating as much I can, the tastes of tomato and bacon filling me. ‘You can’t go wrong with pasta and meat.’

‘Bacon is meat? Who told you that?’ he teases, pretending to shocked.

I wipe at my face a little, ‘Thanks for having me over by the way. Really appreciate this.’

‘You don’t like hanging much at your place yet, do you?’ he says, as he takes a swing of his juice. He pauses, looks at me and my empty glass.

‘Oh, I’m good, not thirty at the moment’ I shake my head.

It’s a little quiet, just the sound of us eating in his kitchen.

‘Come on, don’t you need to water those babies,’ he teases, reaching over and squeezing my biceps. His hand lingers, his fingers grazing over my goose pimpled skin.

I blush and shovel another forkful of pasta into my mouth. I give him a coy look, shaking my head at him.

He moves his hand and shrugs, a little sheepish, ‘Just joking around. So, you ready to work with Grant and Piper and I tomorrow on the script? We have been holding off adding to certain scenes.’

‘Yeah actually,’ I scrape the bowl for last pieces of pasta. ‘I want to talk to you about that. I actually wrote a lot of scenes at my dad’s. I don’t have my laptop on me but I can email you the scenes when I get back.’

‘Brilliant,’ he smiles. ‘Yeah, definitely email me them and I will forward them on. We can merge some of the scenes we have done. Was there are particular theme you were going with or just random scenes?’

‘Bit of both,’ I muse, standing up to bring my bowl to his sink. His chair scrapes along the floor as he stands up to be next to me. Reaching over, he turns his tap for the hot water.

I lean back against the counter, watching him reach for his sponges.

‘Want me to help?’ I ask, hooking my thumbs into my trousers pockets.

‘Just relax, man,’ he laughs a little, wiping the bowls down. ‘Stand there, posing like a hot model, psh to you!’

I blush and look down. Biting my bottom lip, I reach out to stroke his back. He freezes up a little, but carries on washing the dishes.

With a careless tone, I say, ‘Everyone was weird today. Being nice too. Was weird, people don’t usually flirt with me.’

‘You’re a stud now, and you are hot gossip,’ he replies, turning around and reaching for the glass on the table. ‘Get used to it. It goes after a month.’

‘What, you jealous?’ I raise an eyebrow.

‘I am,’ he grins, glancing at me sideways.

‘Aw you can have the attention back soon, it feels too weird, I am definitely a behind the scenes kind of guy,’ I nudge his shoulder, watching him put the dishes out to dry.

‘Embrace the celebrity status, dude!’

Laughing, I grab another towel from the sides and whip at him. We chase each other around the table trying to get each other.

‘You got so frustrated since you and Alex broke up,’ he teases, corning me.

Ah.

I keep smiling but hold my hands up.

‘I was going to tell you,’ I say, putting the cloth down on the table.

He snorts and shrugs, ‘It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.’

His tone is full of carefree confidence. Too much confidence.

Turning around, he goes back to the sink. I go up behind him and wrap my arms around him. He stiffens a bit, but I hug him tight before letting go.

‘Sorry to hear about you two,’ he says, his voice a little muffled.

‘I can dry,’ I say, picking up the towel.

‘It’s fine,’ he shakes his head.

I bit my lip, pausing, ‘Sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t know how.’

‘So, we are both single, eh,’ he teases.

That lingers in the air and I laugh a little, full of nerves.

‘Nathanial!’

‘Oh!’ I blink, shaking my head. ‘Sorry. I guess the day is catching up to me.’

‘It’s cool,’ he smiles, pressing his coffee pot on. ‘Want one?’

I glance down at my watch, ‘Yeah, one should do, thanks Charlie.’

‘Thanks for this,’ I smile as he passes me a hot cup, I sit back at the table with it. ‘You are right by the way. I miss being at my dad’s. I actually miss John more too, never thought I’d be an animal kind of guy, but I miss the routines.’

‘You love him,’ he teases. ‘I saw the photos online actually. John is a gorgeous dog, so handsome! I need to go over and see him more.’

‘Come over,’ I encourage, leaning close to him. ‘My dad would love to see you.’

‘I am sorry I didn’t see you much, when you were there,’ his voice is low.

I shake my hand, ‘We did see each other, don’t worry, these things are just. Well, um, it doesn’t matter.’

He says nothing and I take a sip of my coffee, my stomach aching.

I sip at the burning coffee and desperately think of a topic or a joke to talk about to pretend the last few seconds didn’t happen.

‘They said at the hospital you were covered in bruises.’

I look up, he is staring back at me, his eyes are large but his face is pretty straight, focused. No smiling, no emotions.

‘Oh,’ I merely reply.

‘I, um, followed one of the doctors,’ he continues, pushing his cup away from himself. ‘They talked about looking at internal injuries, anal injuries.’

If my cup wasn’t on the table, I would have definitely dropped it. The word is screaming at me. Rape. Rape.

Bringing my hands to my lap, I try not to let on that my chest is minutes away from exploding, that I am the tipping edge of a hyperventilating

I take a long breath in. ‘Did they say anything?’

‘No, they told me to get out, but I saw enough,’ he looks me in the eye.

The look is so strong I can’t take it, and I can’t look at him, ‘Oh.’

This is usually when I hear Jake’s voice. But my mind is more focused on the silence on the room. The heavy silence. How long has Charlie been holding onto this?

But it’s not silent. There is a clock ticking, it is loud, it is very loud. I didn’t even notice it before.

I swig off the rest of the coffee before standing up, ‘I should get going. I will email you the scenes when I get in, okay?’

***

Oli and David come over to my apartment and we change it all.

The inspiring words Alex put up are ripped off the walls and we paint the walls all weird shades of colours. Oli gets paints everywhere making David and I laugh.

The guys help me move furniture around in the bedroom and take down the blinds Alex put up and replace them with thin curtains that let in more light into the apartment.

David boils some cinnamon and the sweet smell spreads everywhere.

‘Thanks guys,’ I say, handing Oli a towel to wipe the paint off.

David grins and shakes his head at Oli.

‘What?’ Oli remarks, sticking his tongue out at him and grabbing the towel off me.

‘How are the wedding plans going?’ I ask.

They both look at each and start laughing with hysteria.

‘Yeah, going great,’ David wipes his face.

‘We are so good at planning things,’ giggles Oli. ‘Absolutely not just picking stuff off the internet at four in the morning.’

‘Best way to do it,’ I grin, putting on a fresh pot of coffee. ‘Why don’t you get your sister to help?’

‘Yeah, Oli,’ mocks David, turning to him. ‘Why don’t you get your sister to help?’

Oli pulls a face and David pulls him close and smacks a kiss on his head.

‘Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock,’

Alex's voice?

Ah. So this is what happens when I take my medication late in the morning.

Shaking my head, I smile at David and Oli, who nudge each other.

I am happy for him. I am happy for my brother.

***

David is called into work last minute, he apologises but we get it, it was Gregory, the mighty boss from hell after all.

‘He’s got some interviews lined up,’ Oli tells me as I pass him a beer.

‘Awesome!’ I open mine up.

It is evening time and we are still hanging at my apartment. Instinctively, I had put on Desperate Housewives on T.V. in the background and Oli had teased me for a good ten minutes about it.

‘Well, if any works comes around my end, I will let you know,’ I say.

Oli shakes his head, ‘That’s not David’s thing, he’s an active guy, he likes, um, I don’t know, doing things with his hands. Hey! Stop laughing at me!’

‘He likes doing stuff with his hands,’ I laugh.

‘Shut up!’ Oli throws a pillow at me.

I keep laughing and my phone beeps at me.

‘Oh, medication check,’ I shake my head, getting up and going to kitchen cupboard, I get it ready for myself to take in the morning.

When I get back, Oli tilts his head at me, ‘So you have to take it the same time every day then?’

‘I try to,’ I shrug. ‘It works better that way.’

‘How are you doing with it all?’

I shrug again, tapping the beer bottle, ‘Okay. Better than I was.’

‘Do you still hear him or the others?’

‘Well, sometimes. I don’t know how to explain, I guess, I just hear random stuff.’

‘When was the last time?’

I drink some beer and reply, ‘Earlier. It wasn’t Jake though. It was Alex.’

It is silent.

‘I know you don’t like him.’

‘Of course, I don’t like him,’ snaps Oli.

‘But he isn’t a bad guy and I am not just saying that because I am blind or still in love with him. I mean, I wasn’t an angel either, I mean the whole thing of Charlie, I kind of drove him to be like that.’

‘I don’t understand what you are saying?’

‘I am saying that if I didn’t cheat on him then,’ I pick at the label on the bottle. ‘Perhaps he wouldn’t have done what he did.’

It is silent again.

I look at Oli and I have never seen him so mad.

Slamming his bottle on the table, he pushes me up and stares hard at me.

‘Nathanial,’ he says, his voice stern. ‘You could have cheated on him twenty times with more men and you still wouldn’t have deserved what he did to you. When Jake cheated on you, you didn’t assault him. You didn’t even sleep with Charlie. Listen to me very clearly. You kissing Charlie does not mean that you deserved to be assaulted like that. Okay.’

‘I am not the good guy in this story, Oli.’

‘This is real life, there are no good guys, just a bunch of us trying our damn best! The world is grey, Nathanial, not black and white.’

I just stare at him. I let out a sigh, ‘You’re right. You’re right.’

Oli hugs me tight.

I hug him back.

‘Have you been to counselling yet?’

‘I have, I started last week.’

He sighs and nods, ‘Okay, that seems fair.’

I pause, ‘I’ve been talking to Father Tom and doing some more praying, you know, I don’t know if that counts for anything.’

‘Does it help?’

I nod.

‘Then that’s alright.’