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    K.C.
  • K.C.
  • Author
  • 12/12/2013
  • 1,112 Words
  • 3,207 Views
  • 28 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
2013 - Winter - Recipe for Disaster Entry

Great Balls of Fire! - 1. Chapter 1

Great Balls of Fire by KC Grim

 

Glancing over the recipe card, I blew out a frustrated breath and cursed Linda for the hundredth time. “A dash of Cayenne Pepper, a pinch of Basil, and a sprinkle of Ginger? What was she trying to do to me?” I growled slamming the card back down on the countertop. “She knows that I’m kitchenly challenged, so why the hell would she give me a recipe without exact measurements? How am I supposed to figure out a sprinkle of this and a dash of that?”

Linda’s spicy fried shrimp were always golden delicious. Our co-workers raved about the delectable sensation whenever she brought us some leftovers as a treat. If she didn’t want to give me her secret recipe, I would understand, but making me have to guess at the quantities was just cruel.

When I told her I wanted to make a special dinner for Robert tonight, she seemed more than happy to help, so I didn’t know why she would screw me like this. Oh well, now was not the time to dwell on it. I had to get the spices mixed into the flour if I was going to pull this dinner off tonight. A bowl of fresh mixed salad was already chilling in the fridge while buttermilk biscuits were cooking in the oven. All there was left to do was to wait for the pan of oil on the stove to start boiling.

Opening the front door, Robert shouted from the bottom of the stairs, “Hey babe, I’m home.”

My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice. When we made the decision to move in together a few months earlier, Robert never asked me that one, all-important question, ‘Do you know how to cook?’ It was too late now.

With our unpredictable work schedules, most nights we ordered take-out. On the rare occasion that we had a free evening, Robert was the one who cooked while I sat on the bar stool, providing laughter and entertainment, but not tonight. Tonight, it was my turn to make him a romantic dinner that he would never forget.

Robert kicked off his boots and dropped his bag of work tools at the top of the landing. He sniffed at the air and smiled. “What are you up to?”

Blocking his entrance into the kitchen, I grinned and faked my most innocent look. “Nothing!”

Luckily, he didn’t try to argue. Robert usually had enough conflict at work that he didn’t want to bring strife home with him. This was our place of sanctuary.

The guy that Robert worked for was a real asshole, the kind of loud-mouth-narrow-minded-bigoted-homophobic-jerk that spewed his opinion-vomit on everyone. I knew that Robert was doing everything he could to get another job, so the least I could do was make our home a safe haven for him. His tan had started to fade since the summer months passed, showing the overwhelming number of freckles painting his sweet face. “You never stop amazing me.” Robert leaned in for a kiss.

Without much prodding, I turned Robert around and pushed him towards the bathroom. “I’m glad, now go take a shower so I can finish making dinner.”

As quick as I turned my attention back to the stove, the telephone rang. I heard the water start in the distance and knew that Robert was already in the shower. “Hello,” I sang into the receiver as I cradled the phone against my cheek.

“Hey, KC, whatcha doing?” Chris asked, without giving me a chance to answer.

“I’m waiting for this stupid pan of oil to boil,” I said with a huff.

Typical Chris, he just continued talking overtop of me. “Because, if you guys don’t have plans, Brian and I are having a card game tonight---Fuck, KC, oil doesn’t boil!”

The same moment Chris’s words rang in my ears, I heard the distinctive whoosh of flames racing across the stove-top.

“Shit! Fire!” I shouted, dropping the phone to the floor and racing towards the engulfed pan on the stove.

I tried to keep a level head. “Smother a fire…right?” Frantically searching the drawers, I found a kitchen towel to smother the flames with. I threw the cloth over the fire, but only succeeded in catching the towel on fire and making the flames even bigger.

“Damn it!” I needed to keep my wits about me. There was a large fire in our kitchen and I had to put it out. “Think, KC, think,” I chided myself.

Grabbing the pan’s handle, my attempt to toss the fiery mess into the sink and contain the flames dissolved when hot oil splashed over the rim and up my forearm, setting me on fire. I flinched and recoiled from the searing pain. The pan slipped from my grip and landed on the floor, splattering oil and spreading flames across the vinyl tiles, blocking the entrance to the kitchen.

Ripping the front of my shirt, I quickly put out the flames on my arm, but then I was panicking! What do I do? I’m trapped in the fucking kitchen. The flames had grown several feet wider.

“What the hell is going on?” Robert’s voice boomed over the roar of the fire. He rushed into the kitchen without seeing the greasy mess that started the blaze and slipped in the oil on the floor.

It was a nightmare watching the man that I loved fall naked into a blazing fire…a fire I caused!!! The oil instantly set Robert on fire. His auburn hair was still wet and matted to his body from the shower, but that didn’t matter as his sensitive flesh started to burn.

Robert scrambled several times in the slick, greasy mess and quickly regained his footing. He grabbed the burning pan, raced through our apartment and launched the pan off the second-floor balcony. It soared through the night like a fire-ball, exploding in flames when it hit the icy ground below.

I met Robert at the door with a towel to pat out the flames on his back and thighs. Robert used the fire extinguisher to put out the flames curling the cream-colored tiles, now scorched black, while I used the bath towel to snuff out the fire on the stove. Just as quick as it started, it was over.

“What the fuck just happened, KC?” Robert trembled as he shouted.

I stood there… shocked…looking around at the mess in our home…black soot…a coating of yellow extinguisher chalk covered everything. “I was waiting for the oil to boil.”

“Oil doesn’t bloody boil,” Robert growled at me.

“Well, I know that now!”

Every day I'm amazed that, even after I set him on fire, Robert didn't run away from me as fast as he could! Instead of a romantic dinner, I gave him second degree burns and he still decided to stay. When we moved into our new place after that, all of our friends got us fire extinguishers as housewarming gifts (we got 15 total) LOL
Thanks for reading! 😀
Copyright © 2013 K.C.; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 29
  • Love 1
  • Haha 2
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
2013 - Winter - Recipe for Disaster Entry
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Chapter Comments



Mann Ramblings

Literal use of the theme but OMG! It's a miracle he stayed with you after that. LOL You must have some other skills not mentioned in this story.

 

I have to admit I teetered on the edge of laughing and shock as you went through the disastrous accident. If you hadn't said it was a true story, I would have asked if it was. You captured it all so distinctly. Great story.

comicfan

KC, I love you dearly, but often it isn't a case of surprise that Robert stayed with you, more surprise you haven't hurt both of you severely by accident. My dear friend, to say you are accident prone is an understatement. Secondly, I now totally understand you being banned from the kitchen. Glad you are here, please stay out. Officially you are just a food taster. :hug:

Ieshwar

Hmm, are you sure 15 fire extinguishers are enough? :unsure: I may send some more over. :P

Tonight, it was my turn to make him a romantic dinner that he would never forget.

Haha. I'm sure that no one would ever forget such a "romantic dinner". There was small lines thoughout the story which hinted at a true "disaster". Very clever.

 

Very nice story about amazing persons. Thanks for sharing:) And yeah, so did the oil boil? :P

Yettie One

And I bet all 15 are housed in the kitchen! :D;)

Awwww KC that was a wonderfully cheerful, yet amazingly lucky kitchen incident. Funny how our good intentions so often land us into interesting and alarming situations.

You know, I spotted the fact that you'd written you were waiting for the oil to boil the first time, yet it didn't fully register till you mentioned it on the phone.

HAHA

Just goes to show, even kitchen pro can miss all the danger signals when enjoying a great story. ;)

Thanks for sharing hunk. That was a great smiling tale. :) xx

Bill W

KC, I learned several things from your story. One, I never want to be your landlord. Two, I see where Johnny Cash got the idea for the song "Ring Of Fire" and the lyric that "love is a burning desire." If Robert and you ever split, I suggest you date a fireman next. Even though we can see the humor in it now, it was a horrific incident and I'm glad no one was hurt worse than they were. My final suggestion is stay out of the kitchen. Either let Robert do the cook or eat out. I think we all prefer to keep you around. Thanks for sharing.

K.C.
On 12/13/2013 06:09 AM, Mann Ramblings said:
Literal use of the theme but OMG! It's a miracle he stayed with you after that. LOL You must have some other skills not mentioned in this story.

 

I have to admit I teetered on the edge of laughing and shock as you went through the disastrous accident. If you hadn't said it was a true story, I would have asked if it was. You captured it all so distinctly. Great story.

Thanks Mann! As soon as I heard the theme, I knew what I was going to write (With Robert's approval, of course) :P Now, several years later, we can laugh about it but back then is was a very touchy subject. Thanks for reading :)
K.C.
On 12/13/2013 11:17 AM, comicfan said:
KC, I love you dearly, but often it isn't a case of surprise that Robert stayed with you, more surprise you haven't hurt both of you severely by accident. My dear friend, to say you are accident prone is an understatement. Secondly, I now totally understand you being banned from the kitchen. Glad you are here, please stay out. Officially you are just a food taster. :hug:
LOL, I try to stay out of the kitchen as much as possible! Yeah, I make a much better taste-tester than a cook :P I've asked him over the years why he's stayed with me and he said, "I knew it would never be boring!" :lol:

 

((I've lived up to my end of the deal)) :D

K.C.
On 12/13/2013 06:32 PM, asamvav111 said:
omfg! THIS actually happened? He loves you sooo much. Damn!

We Bengali's have a proverb the gist of which is "as impossible as boiling oil". Lol!

This was thoroughly entertaining to read but must have been hellish to experience. Dare I say good story?

Yep, it really happened! :P it's okay to laugh now that the burns have healed and he decided to not kill me. I don't know why he stayed but I'm so glad he did :D
K.C.
On 12/13/2013 10:30 PM, nostic said:
OMG! It happened for real? You truly have great lovely traits that compensated for that disaster. I'm not sure I have to laugh or cry. It was a true disaster. Glad there weren't more casualties. And it'd have been wiser to move somewhere next to a fire station :P
At the time it was horrific. I was so upset about hurting him and almost burning our home down. Now, several years later, we can both laugh about the disaster. Thanks for reading :)
K.C.
On 12/14/2013 02:29 AM, Slytherin said:
I knew that you set Robert on fire but until now you have refused to tell me why :P I am very happy you decided to tell us the story now

Poor Robert ! He must really, relally love you KC :funny: Those burns must've hurt so bad and yet he stayed with you :hug:

Great story :2thumbs:

I would not have blamed him if he walked/ran away from me. It was awful and yes we were both burned bad (him worse than me) but he stayed. He's an amazing man and I'm lucky to have him in my life. Thanks a bunch! :D
K.C.
On 12/14/2013 04:13 AM, Ieshwar said:
Hmm, are you sure 15 fire extinguishers are enough? :unsure: I may send some more over. :P
Tonight, it was my turn to make him a romantic dinner that he would never forget.

Haha. I'm sure that no one would ever forget such a "romantic dinner". There was small lines thoughout the story which hinted at a true "disaster". Very clever.

 

Very nice story about amazing persons. Thanks for sharing:) And yeah, so did the oil boil? :P

LOL- No the oil never boiled :P It was a hard lesson learned. Believe me, nobody lets me forget what I did. When we get invited over I'm always banned from the kitchen or I get put on setting-the-table duty ;)

 

Robert is amazing. I wouldn't have blamed him if he had left me, but he didn't. I asked him if it was okay to share this story and he laughed. Said, "Life has never been boring living with me!" :lol:

K.C.
On 12/14/2013 09:06 AM, aditus said:
Kitchen challenged! Now I know what your name means. Honestly? Shit you two were lucky nothing more happened. Must be love, right? What a story and you told it well, as always. :)
Thanks Aditus, I always get nervous writing about my real life. Our relationship has been ups and downs through the years, but he is amazing, I can't imagine a second without him in my life :)
K.C.
On 12/14/2013 01:35 PM, Yettie One said:
And I bet all 15 are housed in the kitchen! :D;)

Awwww KC that was a wonderfully cheerful, yet amazingly lucky kitchen incident. Funny how our good intentions so often land us into interesting and alarming situations.

You know, I spotted the fact that you'd written you were waiting for the oil to boil the first time, yet it didn't fully register till you mentioned it on the phone.

HAHA

Just goes to show, even kitchen pro can miss all the danger signals when enjoying a great story. ;)

Thanks for sharing hunk. That was a great smiling tale. :) xx

"Waiting for oil to boil" has been a catch phrase in our house for years...it brings back memories. We were in such a new relationship, learning about each other and then this happened. He could have ran far and fast but he didn't he chose to stay with me ((he says he wouldn't have done it any different...except get take-out that night)) :P
K.C.
On 12/14/2013 04:34 PM, Percy said:
Good that you can laugh about it now! That read like a Three Stooges skit. Now tell us how you made it up to him. ;-)
I had a LOT of making up to do!! ;) We can laugh now and try to use it as a lesson learned to teach our daughter about life and the world. We are lucky, it could have been really really bad, but yes we can look back and laugh now :)
K.C.
On 12/14/2013 06:23 PM, Bill W said:
KC, I learned several things from your story. One, I never want to be your landlord. Two, I see where Johnny Cash got the idea for the song "Ring Of Fire" and the lyric that "love is a burning desire." If Robert and you ever split, I suggest you date a fireman next. Even though we can see the humor in it now, it was a horrific incident and I'm glad no one was hurt worse than they were. My final suggestion is stay out of the kitchen. Either let Robert do the cook or eat out. I think we all prefer to keep you around. Thanks for sharing.
LOL OMG, Bill you have no idea the damage done is seconds. It was a lot of repairs to be done. Rob has joked about "I fell into a burning ring of fire..." Yes, it is funny now. The wounds are no longer raw. My emotions and our burns have healed (even though there are scars) but It brought us closer. He is amazing! Thanks for reading :)
K.C.
On 12/15/2013 12:56 AM, Cole Matthews said:
Ouch! Great, and detailed, story of devotion and fumbling. Thanks KC! Loved it. So on-the-nose true.
Thanks Cole. It was soooo scary when it happened. It went from bad to worse to extreme! To this day, I'm still a little scared of fire...and cooking :P Now, we can laugh about it but back then I was devastated that I hurt the man I love. Thanks for reading!
Lisa

I was sitting there with my mouth gaping open while reading this. Percy was right - this read like a Three Stooges movie. I started cracking up when Robert ran to the window and chucked the pan out, then I continued laughing until the end. Holy shit, KC, this wasn't funny at all, but the way you described it, I couldn't help but laugh.

 

As one who also lived through a kitchen fire (I was in middle school and my father set it WITH HIS F-ING CIGARETTE, as it somehow landed in the exhaust fan, don't ask me how. Both my parents suffered second degree burns and to this day, matches, and any type of fire, just makes me nervous.

 

But...yours does take the cake, KC, no offense intended. lol I'm glad you guys can laugh about it now, but holy shit, you two are lucky to be alive!

 

And I bet that fire just blew right through your security deposit! ;)

K.C.
On 12/17/2013 10:09 AM, Lisa said:
I was sitting there with my mouth gaping open while reading this. Percy was right - this read like a Three Stooges movie. I started cracking up when Robert ran to the window and chucked the pan out, then I continued laughing until the end. Holy shit, KC, this wasn't funny at all, but the way you described it, I couldn't help but laugh.

 

As one who also lived through a kitchen fire (I was in middle school and my father set it WITH HIS F-ING CIGARETTE, as it somehow landed in the exhaust fan, don't ask me how. Both my parents suffered second degree burns and to this day, matches, and any type of fire, just makes me nervous.

 

But...yours does take the cake, KC, no offense intended. lol I'm glad you guys can laugh about it now, but holy shit, you two are lucky to be alive!

 

And I bet that fire just blew right through your security deposit! ;)

OMG- I can't believe I missed this. Thanks so much for reading Lisa. It was crazy and terrifying when it happened but now we can look back and laugh. Scary how fast something like that can happen. :) Hope you had a great holiday, KC
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