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Do You Ship Us? - 35. Keep Him In The Past

“Wow. The first person you think of is him. What a kick in the guts. Disappointed?” Jasper asks, emptying his pockets on Ryan’s desk and grabbing his sleepwear out of the bag he’d left with that morning.

“No, I just didn’t expect you would be coming back here tonight.” Ryan answers and throws the sheets off himself, rushing over to Jasper.

“But you did expect he would be?” Jasper shrugs and walks off to the bathroom to get changed.

“Only because it’s the kind of stupid thing he would do, not because I was hoping he would. Jasper you have to believe me, I don’t want him around any more than you do, I just never know how to react when he does something like this. It messes me up, that’s why he does it.” Ryan sighs, standing now on the other side of the bathroom door hoping that Jasper was listening. Jasper opens the door quickly, pulling his shirt on as he walks out.

“I know it messes you up, I get that, trust me I do. I just don’t want it to mess us up, which is what it feels like it’s doing.” Jasper tells him. “I didn’t want to come back tonight, but I have nowhere else to stay.”

“I thought you would be staying with Blake. You guys left together.”

“Yeah, his brother is uh, complicated. It’s not really any more comfortable staying there, than it is here with your intruding ex around. This was the best of two bad options.” Jasper comments and sits on the edge of the bed. “I’m thinking I might sleep on the lounge though. I really can’t stand the thought of him watching me sleep like a psychopath.”

“Well, if it helps, I did this today.” Ryan takes a document from his bedside table and hands it to Jasper.

“A restraining order?” Jasper looks at Ryan genuinely surprised. “That’s a good step, a big one. That wouldn’t have been easy to do.”

“I didn’t want to, but like you said, I don’t want him to mess me us up. I had to do something to keep him from getting between us. I can’t promise he won’t violate this order at least a few times. But I can assure you I am going to make him responsible for what he’s doing. You were right, he can’t be allowed to think it’s ok to stalk me, or you and I certainly won’t defend him making comments about our relationship like that, you deserve better.” Ryan tells him. Jasper smiles and puts the restraining order down beside him then sighs.

“You know what is starting to annoy me already about this relationship?” He asks, still smiling.


“That I can be so mad at you, and decide I am so strong that I will come back just to tell you that you fucked up and sleep on the couch, but you say just the right kind of thing and all I want to do is kiss the shit out of you.” Jasper sighs and leans back, looking at Ryan affectionately.

“Do you want me to let you be tough and sleep on the couch or kiss you, because I can’t really tell right now.” Ryan frowns at him and Jasper just laughs.

“If I’m honest, neither can I.” Jasper shrugs then moves to his side of the bed to lie down. “How’d you like your sexy dancing role today?” He asks, trying to change the topic.

“How did you like it?” Ryan asks.

“I am a little confused how it made me feel. Because I was mad at you already so I kinda wanted a reason to be more mad, as dumb as that sounds. But then I found myself both extremely jealous of Fi, and a little turned on all at once, that annoyed me because I shouldn’t find you sexy while I’m angry with you.” Jasper admits then sighs and watches Ryan get back onto his bed, lying down to face Jasper.

“You realize we just made it through our first big ‘fight’, right?” He asks.

“Does it count as a fight if I did the immature ‘silent treatment’ thing and you never got to say anything?” Jasper asks, wriggling a little closer to Ryan.

“Well I am a bit more passive in the face of confrontation, I don’t like fights so that’s about as much of a verbal argument as you will ever have with me anyway.” Ryan reaches his hand across the space between them on the bed, Jasper takes it subconsciously.

“And I’m a snarky comment kind of bitch who can’t have an adult discussion about things that annoy me. I’m going to work on that.” Jasper nods to himself. “I’m sorry.”

“Your frustration was justified."

"I just wish I never suggested you get a drink with him and hear him out. I thought it'd help you get over him and leave him in the past but it's kinda just opened the door for him to get in the way of us. I should have known better, but I didn't realise how manipulative he was."

"Why do you keep suggesting you understand so much about how this all makes me feel?”

“My sister has been with a jerk just as bad for years on and off. We go through periods of not knowing what she is doing because he convinces her not to involve any of us, to times having her crying on the lounge swearing she is the one to blame and that he deserves better. She’s been stuck in the cycle for ages. We decided to call the police on him when he locked her in their house and refused to let her leave after a disagreement, and she bawled her eyes out and begged us to stop the police taking him away when they turned up. She knows he’s an asshole, she knows deep down that relationships aren’t meant to be like that, but yet she’s still powerless when he is around and terrified of him not being around. You can’t win helping someone like that, until they are ready, and unfortunately she’s not yet.” Ryan rubs Jasper’s hand as he listens then gives him a pitying smile.

“That’s so awful, I couldn’t imagine being stuck in that cycle for so long. It must be so hard to step back and see what’s happening after so long turning a blind eye to it all.”

“Mm, sometimes I wonder if we’re just going to lose her to the relationship you know? She will shut us out for good and we will just never know if she is ok or not. I very rarely hear from her as it is, but I worry one day she will stop talking to all of us and be completely isolated in the abuse. That’s why I am proud of you for filing a restraining order. That’s not something I think she’d ever be strong enough to do and I do get that it takes a lot to emotionally separate even when you’ve physically separated. People don’t recognize emotional abuse as easily as they do physical and it’s a lot harder to move on from, in what I’ve seen anyway. Kinda feels like I’m surrounded by it now. I mean my sister, you, Fi. The whole band with the way Chris is controlling us and keeping us from feeling like we are worth anything. Everyone is stuck in some kind of shitty cycle and no one knows how to help them get out of it.” Jasper shakes his head and rolls over onto his back. “Sorry to get so depressing.” He yawns and rubs his eyes.

“I asked.” Ryan shrugs. “And for the record, I think you do a lot to help people, even if you don’t feel like you do. Just being someone your sister can talk to sometimes helps her, reminding me I shouldn’t allow behaviours when I’m justifying them to myself helps me keep an outside perspective on the situation and I guess you know about Fi’s situation because she’s talked to you guys about it before so she knows if she needs to talk, you’re all there for her. You stand up more than anyone to Chris and have been the one helping the rest of the guys see the truth and pull away. You do a lot Jasper, even when it feels like you don't.

“Luke’s the closest. He’s physically there, sleeping on her couch kind of there, so I found out today.” Jasper smirks to himself and rolls back to look at Ryan. “I think they have a ‘thing’ going on. And knowing Simon is married, Blake is happy with Beth and I’ve got you it’s really reassuring to know we’re not that band that is too busy to be in a relationship and to have that happiness. Especially Blake, he’s considered himself such a lone wolf for so long, it’s actually kind cute to see him immersed in a romance.” Jasper smirks as he thinks about it, his smile making Ryan smile too.

“You said today you thought I was playing you, I know what you meant. Did you really feel that way?” Ryan asks.

“I was a little worried this relationship was part of some sex game between you and Damien.” Jasper admits. Ryan just looks at him stunned and scoffs.

“How would our relationship be a sex game between me and him?” Ryan asks.

“You know, the whole teasing him with the fact you’re with someone else to make him jealously try to win you back with sex.” Jasper shrugs. “In the same way me watching you dance with Fi made me so annoyed with you, jealous and kinda feeling like I would need to step up my game to keep your interest.”

“Ok now suddenly my relationship with Damien does make more sense because he was certainly trying to do that through cheating on me all the time, and eventually I guess he won because I did think I had to sleep with him to keep him around. I promise though I would never put you through that, and also, you don’t need to ‘step up your game’ to keep me. I’m happy taking things slowly, and I definitely don’t want us to move to the next step just because you’re worried I am losing interest or that you need to prove yourself to me.”

“We’re getting back to the, you saying the right thing and me wanting to kiss you stage.” Jasper sighs.

“Sorry.” Ryan laughs. “I just want you to feel comfortable and appreciated and know that you’re enough as you are. No more, no less. Just you and this is all I need.”

“Well that does it.” Jasper moves closer and presses his lips hard against Ryan’s, taking him by surprise but he wraps his arms around Jasper quickly and holds him tight against his body as he kisses back. The two get caught up in the kiss, letting it get more and more intense before they both finally pull away breathless. “I knew I should have slept on the couch.” Jasper sighs and rolls off Ryan, wriggling more over to his side of the bed.

“Yeah that was not at all how I expected tonight would go.” Ryan smiles to himself delightedly.

“That was your fault, entirely. Because that was not what I intended on doing.” Jasper buries his face in his pillow, a little embarrassed at how heated the kiss had gotten and how difficult it was going to be to ignore the way his body was urging him back into Ryan’s arms, for the fear of how easily he could let himself lose control to that sweet talking man.

“Are you ok?” Ryan asks, noticing how quiet Jasper had gone.

“You’re very difficult to resist.” Jasper sighs and for a moment neither of them say anything. “I’m going to find somewhere permanent to stay soon. You’re Mum has been very kind letting me stay here and taking care of me this morning, but I don’t really like being here knowing it’s not completely private and It's not my space. I think with recent events, it’s a good idea to get away and have some privacy.”

“Is this because of Damien? I was hoping the restraining order would be more comforting to you.” Ryan was clearly disappointed.

“Yes, because the entire world and all of my motives are strictly due to your ex being a dick and nothing to do with the fact that I like my independence and want to fulfill my long lived dream of being able to strut around my own place in nothing but my underwear whilst blasting shitty pop music at all hours of the day. I cannot do that in your Mum’s house. Also you did say you wouldn’t be surprised if he violated the order so to a degree, I’m not completely comfortable knowing he probably just sat in the tree outside the window watching us make out. Wouldn’t it be nicer to do that when he’s got no idea where we are?” Jasper suggests.

“He doesn’t have night vision goggles or anything, he wouldn’t have seen anything.” Ryan laughs.

“So of all of that part, you’re going to pick holes in the fact he can’t see in the dark, not the fact that him climbing a tree to watch you sleep would be a step too far for him?” Jasper questions, Ryan is silent again, realizing Jasper was truly not going to settle on this topic as long as he was in the house. “You could at least get curtains?” Jasper tries to lighten the mood with a joke.

“But then how could my crazy, stalker, ex ever get jealous of me being in bed with you and not him?” Ryan asks back jokingly.

“Oh I’ll stand on the other side of the window and make exaggerated moans and scream about how amazing you are and he can picture it all and get jealous of his own imagination. There’s more power in what you don’t see, than in what you do.” Jasper teases.

“You know my therapist tells me something similar whenever I start overthinking a situation. My imagination is a big fan of flaring out the things I don’t see and making them so much worse.” Ryan laughs off his comment.

“What you need to do, is put your over thinking and imagination to positive use. Either musically, or personally, start benefiting from your imagination.”

“Mmm, do you mean like, picturing you in your underwear dancing around in your own place? Because I’ve got a good mental picture of that in my head right now.”

“That’s not a bad start, although it’s your imagination, you can picture whatever you want to, don’t limit yourself. On that note, sweet dreams.” Jasper leans back over and kisses Ryan swiftly on the lips, being sure to pull himself back after the peck.

“I am so glad you came back.” Ryan snuggles up against him kissing the back of his neck lightly and smiling at the shiver it sends up Jasper’s spine. “Sweet dreams.”

@Copyright (2018), Claire Rosalind; All Rights Reserved.
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I never knew that a restraining order could be so sexy!

Love the give and take between Jasper and Ryan.  Nice to them together again...in bed.... 😂

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