Red Gold - 4. Chapter 4 - Getting to Know You

The student union building was close by and, inside it was cool and dark. There were not many people here as they were all outside enjoying the sunshine. Gabrielle sat Ca’el in the darkest corner where he attracted the least attention and bought him a pint.

He studied it for a time, watching the bubbles rise, stroking the frost from the glass with a long finger. Gabrielle watched him, amused.

“You are supposed to drink it.”

Looking up he gave her a quick, bright smile and cautiously sipped the liquid. “Wow.” Staring at her over the rim of the glass with bright eyes he smiled and, before she could stop him had thrown back his head and emptied the glass in one long drink.

When he put the glass down he looked rather surprised, his eyes wide. “That was… interesting. I don’t know if I liked it. It burned a little I think.”

“You aren’t supposed to drink it all in one go.”

“I was thirsty. I have been working hard.”

“I’ll get you another, drink this one slowly.”

“Alright.”

Although he kept his word and drank more slowly he had still finished his second pint before she had finished her first.

“I think you had better stop now.”

“Why? I like it. Shall I get you one? I have money. My sister gave me some. I am only supposed to use it in an emergency but….” he shrugged smiling.

“You really should go easy you know.”

“Why?”

“Beer is alcoholic. Do you even know what that means?” He shook his head smiling, his eyes slightly glazed. “It means that if you drink too much or too fast, you will get drunk.”

“What’s drunk?”

“Carry on drinking the beer and you’ll find out. You won’t like it.”

“Then why do it?”

“Because, to begin with it makes you feel good, lose your inhibitions, be more free and care less.”

“I am not sure that I would like that. It does not sound safe.”

“Oh no. Being drunk is most certainly not safe. People do all sorts of things when they are drunk that they later regret.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know… like making a fool of yourself over someone.” He looked puzzled but interested. “You know…. throwing yourself at someone, professing undying love, that kind of thing.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well, say for example that I liked you…. but I couldn’t tell you. Maybe because you were with someone else, or not right for me, or I didn’t know you or I was just too shy or…. too stupid. If I was drunk, then all my inhibitions would be lost and I might… oh I don’t know... do something or say something that I wouldn’t otherwise do and would regret the next day.”

“What might you say?”

“I don’t know…. maybe something like … ‘you are the most bewitching creature I have ever laid eyes on and I want nothing more than to bury my hands in your hair and kiss your lips.’”

“Really? Would you say that to me?” He was teasing, completely unselfconscious about the flirting.

“I might. If I were very drunk.”

“And what might you do to me….. if you were very drunk?”

“I don’t know. What would you like me to do to you?”

“Well, I would quite like you to come and sit next to me.”

“Okay.” Sliding out of her seat she sat down on the bench next to him. His eyes were still sparkling, light and teasing when he put his arm across the back of the bench behind her.

“And maybe it would be quite nice if you put your hand here.” He took her hand and laid it against the side of his face. That was when the smile faded and the teasing ended, replaced by something less and something more.

“And if I were very, very, very drunk, I might even do something like…this.” somehow losing herself in his eyes she drew his face close to hers and kissed him.

His lips on hers were warm and soft. His arms around her were strong and made her feel safe, safer than she had ever felt. A sudden realisation broke over her like sunshine on a meadow, she had never felt that she fitted in because she never had. She had always felt that she was different to everyone else because she was. And now… now… here, with him…with this stranger she had known all her life, she belonged, she was home.

When they drew apart he stared at her for a long time in silence, his eyes unreadable. “I feel strange.”

“That will be the beer I expect.”

“It has nothing to do with the beer. All my life I have watched you. I have seen you grow from a child into a beautiful woman and I have never thought….. I have never considered you to be anything other than… “

“A duty?” he was taken aback by sharpness of her tone and he shook his head.

“No… not a duty… a charge maybe, a mistress even. My life is bound with yours, I am your protector and your guardian but I never though to be… more.”

“What makes you think that you could be… more?”

“But… I… I thought… I...”

“You thought that because I kissed you that you would become… more? More than what? You wouldn’t even tell me your name. I can’t speak it, I can’t call you or introduce you to my friends. You said that you were nothing and that’s true, in a way. I know nothing about you, nothing about who you are. And you wanted more… after just one kiss. That isn’t the way it works Ca’el, not with me.”

“Gabrielle…” He winced at the sound of his name.

“Damn you. That’s not the way things are here. Your name is… is… important but not to keep secret, it is to be used, to become familiar, to be part of who you are. I can never know you, never be comfortable with who you are if I can’t even say your name without looking over my shoulder or having you look over yours.”

The look of hurt and confusion in his eyes stopped her short. She sat back in her seat folding her arms across her body. In some ways he was more of a child that those childish imbeciles who had dragged at her throughout her life. But… he wasn’t childish. She looked at him, his face open and hurt, puzzlement clouding his eyes. Childlike… but not childish. She remembered the look in his eyes in the wood, when he had his knife in his hand, just before he sprang, and shivered.

“I think maybe we should go.”

“Yes.”

They stood and she led the way out of the bar and back into the bright sunlight. He winced as his eyes adjusted from the darkness to the light. As they walked he seemed to be deep in thought, his hands thrust into his pockets. He did not notice the small feathery bodies that littered the gutter all the way back to the town. Gabrielle was so pre occupied with her own thoughts, and how crestfallen and lost he looked that neither did she.

At last they stopped at a gate. Gabrielle looked up in surprise. It was a nice house, with a neat front garden. It did not look like a student house. He let them in with a key and the scents of the forest met with her in the cool dim hallway. Discarding his heavy coat on the hall rack he led her through a door into a room filled with plants, soft with dappled light from a large bay window draped with green gauze. There was furniture here, a sofa and chair, a table with a green draped lamp and a cabinet with smoked glass doors obscuring its contents. However the overall impression was of a deep forest grove.

Gabrielle was bewitched by it. “It’s beautiful.”

“My sister did it all. I have neither the inclination nor the imagination.”

“Your sister? Oh, of course Leelany. Where is she?”

“She works.”

“What does she do?”

“I don’t know. She goes out, she comes back and there is money for… things.”

“She was right. You would have been completely lost without her.”

“What?”

“Nothing…. Just something I saw in a dream.”

He frowned at her. He looked different here, more at home; less strange, more beautiful. Looking at him properly for the first time Gabrielle was alarmed to see that his shirt was torn and red with blood.

“Ca’el, are you hurt?”

He looked down quickly, puzzled then shrugged. “It’s not mine.”

Again she shivered at how casually he accepted the violence which had erupted all around them in the wood.

“I take it that it is alright to speak your name here. Seeing as you haven’t told me off either for yours or Leelany’s.”

“This is a safe place.”

“Yes, it feels safe. So now will you talk to me?”

“Yes, I will talk, if you will listen.”

“I’m waiting.”

“Let me make coffee. Sit and I will bring it to you then we will talk.”

As she waited Gabrielle mulled over the events of the day and realised that, on balance the attack of the strange men in the woods was one of the less unsettling things about it.

When Ca’el returned and handed her a cup of strong black coffee she accepted it and sipped cautiously. It was somewhat more bitter than she was used, being a milk and two sugars girl, but it was good and so bearable.

“What do you remember, of before?”

“Before? You mean before we came here, to this… world.”

“Yes. Before.”

“Nothing. I don’t remember anything. I just have dreams.”

Slowly and hesitantly she told him of her dreams, something she had never done before, not to another living soul. They were somehow private and she had always feared that they would be spoiled if she told someone and they scorned her, or disbelieved that somehow, somewhere they were real. Ca’el listened quietly and thoughtfully and when she had finished he said…

“It wasn’t you, of course. In the first part of your dream, it wasn’t you.” She gathered herself for an attack but he went on. “It was your mother. You were seeing through her eyes. The baby was you. Leelany told me that your mother had been on a long journey seeking to make peace with another kingdom, far away, a stronger kingdom who would help us resist Him.”

“The man in the castle?”

“Yes. He is a sorcerer and he has the whole kingdom under his thrall. Your father was… is as far as I know… the king and your mother was the queen. It was she who went because your father was too closely watched and would never have been allowed to get beyond his own borders. When she returned her horse was bewitched and, instead of returning her to the safety of your father’s halls it drove her on to the dark castle.

“There the sorcerer tore you from your mother’s womb and would have killed you too if not for my father who saved you and brought you back to our village for my mother to care for until we were old enough to pass through the void into this place.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did he want to kill me? Why did he kill my mother? Why did your father save me and mother care for me? Why did I come here?”

“Because of the prophesy.”

“What prophesy?”

“There is a prophesy that you are the kingdom’s best and last hope, that through you He can be defeated and the kingdom delivered back into the hands of your family and that you will rule wisely and return to us the good times which favoured us before his shadow overtook them.” He smiled at her, the quick, bright smile that so transformed his face. “At least that is what my sister tells me. I was too young to remember much.”

“So to protect me until I was old enough to understand and to take up the fight they sent me away… sent me here… with you to protect me?”

“Yes.”

“And Leelany to protect you.”

“I suppose. She has certainly taught me a lot. I would have been… different if not for her but… I don’t know if I needed protecting.”

“Not yet.”

“What do you mean?” he asked frowning.

“Nothing,” she said shaking her head.

But there was a nagging seed of doubt within her. Leelany had asked… no insisted on being involved in this venture for one reason only… to protect her brother… to protect him not from the demons or the dangers of this world, but from her, from Gabrielle. Would she be a danger to him? Would she betray him? She could not say for certain that she would not. This was strange to her, strange and frightening and she did not know how brave she could be.

“Do you remember anything at all?”

“I don’t think so. Although sometimes - sometimes I have…impressions, someone singing in the night, falling asleep watching flames dance, dancing in the dirt, nothing very much.”

“Me either. Sometimes, Leelany tells me stories of what it was like and I think I may remember but I don’t know how much is memory and how much is just being caught up in her story.” He sighed leaning his head back against the chair. He was sitting on the floor and Gabrielle had the impression that he felt more comfortable there than in a soft chair.

“Ca’el..?”

“Hmm.?”

“Why is it safe to speak your name here? And why is it not safe to say it out there?”

“It is safe here because Leelany makes it safe. There are… things that can be done to make a safe space. It is the way it was in my village back home. That is why my people were free and yours were enslaved even though yours were the great and powerful ones. We had the way of keeping Him out, and Leelany has carried it here with us. Everywhere we go she makes a safe place.”

“But why is it so important not to say your name out there?”

“Because if He gets to hear of it he can use it to hurt us. If He can speak your name He has power over you.”

“But how?”

“I don’t know. I just know that it is so.”

“It will be hard to not say your name. Now that I know it I want to say it all the time. Ca’el.”

“Call me Cai, that is what Leelany does and it seems more… right.”

“Alright, Cai. As it is natural for you to keep your name close, to guard it and hide it, for me it is natural to use it.”

“I know, everyone here is careless with their name.”

“Maybe that magic, that he uses to get power over you through your name, doesn’t work here.”

“Perhaps, but it would be wise not to assume.”

“Yes, I suppose. Cai, all these years, when you have been watching me, guarding me, have you always lived in the woods?”

“Yes always. This is the first time I have had to live in a house.”

“Don’t you like it?”

He shook his head vigorously. “I hate it. It is like a prison of wood and stone. I long for my life in the deep woods, it is simpler there. The cave that we lived in had everything we needed. There was heat from a fire to cook what I caught, there was light from tallow candles when we needed it, there was shelter. There was no one to… complicate things.”

“Is that what I have done? Complicated things?”

“Yes. You, and everyone else in this place.”

“If you hate it why did you come? Why do you live here, in this house, and not in the woods?”

“Because this is not my home; this is not my wood. Everything is different here. I had to be near you. I can’t protect you if I am not near you. I have to be able to see you and sing to you. If I lived in the wood here, your house is not close enough that I would not be seen.”

“So all of these years, when I have been longing for a single sight of you, wondering who you are and where you are, you have been sneaking up to my house every night, watching me, singing to me?”

“Yes.”

“But… but that’s… that’s… spooky. I don’t know if I like the fact that you have been spying on me.”

“Not spying Sou Shan, protecting. Do you think that the attacks last night and today were the first? There have been many over the years but they have become bolder. In the past it has been easy to find them before they approach you and to… deal with them before you were even aware they were there.”

“Do they have something to do with the birds?”

“Yes. The bird is part of the magic that makes them… live.”

“Is that what you were doing, the first time I saw you? In the clearing when I was only six years old? Were you fighting them then?”

“No, the carcase was old; they were long gone. At that time they were only watching. It wasn’t until later I had to fight.”

“How many times? How many of those… things have you fought and killed?”

He shrugged “Many. Over the years there have been times of peace and times when they come to watch and times when they come to test. I have fought many.”

“And I never knew. All these years, they came for me and you saved me and I never knew.”

“That is the way it was supposed to be.”

“Who said how it was supposed to be?”

“Those who are older and wiser that we, who have more knowledge of the complete picture.”

“And you were quite happy to do that? To fight, and maybe die, for someone you didn’t even know.”

“But I did know you. Until we came here we lived the same life, suckled at the same breast. We were closer than twins, born in almost the same moment. I have watched you and remembered you and kept you close. It is I who have been pushed away.”

“That isn’t fair?”

“What?”

“That accusation. How could I not have pushed you away? I didn’t know you. Every time I saw you you ran away.”

“It was not an accusation, it was merely an observation.”

“You are insufferable.”

“Then stop suffering. No one is making accusations, no one is criticising you. I am merely telling you what you have asked me to tell you.”

“So what now?”

“Now we wait,” he said in his usual neutral way that annoyed her so much.

“Wait for what?”

“I don’t know. Wait until the time is right.”

“Right for what?” She snapped, irritated by his way of talking without saying anything.

“For us to go back.”

“Go back?”

“Of course.”

“To the other place, the place in my dream?” she said, alarmed.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because that is where we belong.”

“No. I have never been there, not that I can remember. I only have memories when you sing them into my head. I don’t belong there. I belong here.”

“Do you?”

He was staring into her eyes and her avowal froze on her lips as she was caught in the depths of his eyes and the truth she saw there.

“Do you belong here Sou Shan? Isn’t that what you have been telling me, that you don’t?” His voice was gentle but the challenge was there and she couldn’t ignore it. He was right. Of course he was right and for some reason that made her angry.

“No. It isn’t. I do belong here. THIS is my world, not some place of fantasy I have only visited in dreams. I need to live in the real world not to reach for something that may be better.”

“Yes, you need to live in the real world but who are you to say that the world we come from is any less real than the one we now inhabit. I have few memories of the days before, I know only what Leelany has told me, but I believe absolutely that it is there I belong, not here. I yearn to return to my home and I think that you do too. It is just that you have never realised what it is you have yearned for.”

“How dare you tell me what I yearn for and what I feel. You don’t know me. You don’t know anything about who I am on the inside.”

“You are wrong. But what I say will make little difference, you will not accept it at this time. When the time comes you will step into the void with us. It is your destiny and you have no choice but to follow it, in the same way that we had no choice but to come here.”

Anger flared again and she wanted to slap him. How dare he presume to tell her what she would and would not do? How dare he tell her she had no choice?

“You are very beautiful when you are angry. Your eyes are like the summer sky, but they flash with lightening and warn of a storm to come.”

“You are right about that. Carry on telling me what I HAVE to do and there will be a storm right enough.”

“Are you hungry?”

“What?” she asked surprised and thrown off balance.

“Are you hungry? I am hungry and I wish to eat. I will share with you if you wish.”

“What… I… how can you think of food in the middle of a row?”

“A row?”

“We were arguing.”

“I was not arguing. If you were then you may continue if you wish whilst I prepare food.”

“An argument has to be a two way thing.”

“Then there is no argument. I will not try to persuade you Sou Shan. I will not tell you what to do, or attempt to sway your decision in this. I have no need to. You will come with us when the time is right. So it is written, so shall it be. It requires no effort on my part and so none shall be given.”

“And what if I walk out of here right now, and never look back. What will you do?”

“I will do what I have always done.”

“And what if I don’t come back?”

“You will come back.” The way he spoke, so calmly and certainly irritated her and her eyes flashed and sparked. He simply sat, one knee raised, leaning casually back against the chair leg, smiling. In the dim light he looked feral, dangerous and she shivered, momentarily feeling the breath of destiny on her neck